Writing Feedback / The result of adult education survey - Cambridge 1 Practice 1 - Correct if Found Some Wrong [2]

These two charts display the result of adult education survey. The bar chart is related to the motive of grown-up people to study while the pie chart shows how the cost of each course should be shared.

Overall, the main reason for deciding study are based on their interest and to get qualifications. It is clear that Individual become the highest object that get the shared cost.

Based on the first bar chart, about 40% people decide to study because they love the subject. It is slight different with another reason like getting qualification which has 38 percentage. Otherwise, only 9% of people select the course just for meet their friends.

If we look at the second pie chart, there are three categories of shared cost. The highest one is Individual that have approximately 40% of cost. In the second position there is employer that has 35%, and the smallest is Taxpayer which is only 25%.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - SCHOOL AND PARENTS ROLE FOR KEEPING CHILDREN HEALTH - CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 PAGE 2 [5]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many pupils become careless for keeping fit their own body. This is shown by some statistics that displays the increasing number of children that have diseases. As a result, I agree that it is important for schools and parents to care with this problem.

There are two main factors that usually makes children have unwell condition. First is their food consumption. On one hand, they like to spend their money for trying such as a tasty food without look at the hygiene, cleanness, and ingredients aspect. To solve that, schools and parents must work together. While the father and mother give pupils advice in the home, the teacher should control it when they at school, for not buying food anywhere. For instance, some food that usually sold outside the school is dirty, even though they still buy it. So, teachers must keep eye to them. If the students obey the advice and the teacher not care, they will get disease too.

Secondly is the sport habit. It is very important because the development of technology make people doing only a few exercises and feel harm in their muscle. This problem not only occur in the older generation, but also in many children, proven with a lot of children already have smart phone that make all time of their day busy. For example, although school usually already have sport lesson every week, but it is not enough to control it alone without any help from parents, because children spend many time in home. In Sunday or when holiday, father and mother can ask to their children for accompanying them jogging, playing badminton, or the other sport.

All in all, both school and parents have the similar degree of responsibilities to take care children health. In addition, it is better if parents and schools build intensive communication especially for children's health. So, they will help each other for avoiding pupils from unhealthy lifestyle.

Writing Feedback / The figure displays kinds of problems that are faced by people when they stay overseas [2]

The figure displays kinds of problems that is faced by people when they stay overseas which is illustrated by using bar charts according to the age. Overall, while the middle-age has the highest percentage in each problem, searching education course for pupil is the less-problem compared with others.

The greatest problem for people aged 35-54 is about health with approximately 37 percent while it also becomes the biggest value in all. However, this problem has a tiny different both in 18-34 and over 55, each of them 32 and 28 respectively.

Financial planning is the second biggest problem both in 35-54 years old and the oldest age with 35 percent and 28% each. In contrast, it becomes the largest problem in the youngest with 33 percent.

In addition, finding schools for the children becomes the smallest problem in every group of ages. People over 55 has the lowest value with only 3 percent, while middle-age has 18 percent and 18-34 years old has 7 percent.

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Writing Feedback / 13-year-old student in one school choose the study. [2]

The graph below shows information about the languages that 13-year-old student in one school choose the study.

The line chart displays the quantity of 13-year-old students that have taken Mandarin and French lesson in a school in England from 2000 to present. Overall, in the beginning French reached peak while Mandarin had lowest point. In addition, between 2000 and 2005, number of pupils who studied French increased significantly. In contrast, at the same period mandarin learner fell extremely. Besides, they looked like had more stable trend in the next following year.

It is clear that in 2000, only about 7 students that choose Mandarin as their subject and it had extra-large different with the French that have 150 learners. However, in 2005, while Mandarin raised sharply into almost ten times into about 70, French went down tremendously into near half of before at 85.

As we can see, in the next following year, from 2006 to present, both of them had fluctuated. But while French looked like moved slightly down, Mandarin had gone small upward.

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Writing Feedback / Media Habits Today - celebrities became the role model for ordinary people [3]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, prominent people not only act as the people who just singing and acting in the podium, but also become the role model of society. In response to that phenomenon, many mass-media use it as their opportunity to attract attention from many people. Media look like publish everything that occurred between celebrities to boost their ratings among watchers. Unfortunately, as a result of media ambitious project, they often forgot that there are many infamous people that have more inspiring story and not as popular as the artist. I tend to be agree if media give space to unwell-known people for showing their daily life.

First of all, actors still famous even though without too much exposing by media. There are still a lot of people that need media to help them reach the dream. For instance, today many children cannot continue their education because of the lack of money. They select to work in the early age for helping their parents fulfil their daily needs. Imagine if the media use their power to report in and spread it to all over the world, it will make people give many donation and doing charity activities for helping poor people. In contrast, it will have less benefit if they use all of their time for publishing famous people's daily activities.

Secondly, today some artist sometimes report the media to the legal entity because of their disappointing of media publication. For example, usually media exaggerate some celebrities' accident for viral purpose. Consequently, they must give much compensation to the artist to avoid them prosecute into police. In contrast, some media create program that give many chances to ordinary people for showing their talent. It also gives results of increasing the popularity of the media. It was proven that different method can produce the same result, even more useful.

In conclusion, it is not bad if media still report many famous people's daily activities. But it looks better if they give many spaces for infamous person to show their talent and real condition especially when they need some help.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 5 PAGE 56 - WIND TURBINE [2]

These figures illustrate some equipment that used to create wind turbine and where it should be located. That machine consists of blades that make from fiberglass or wood, sensor, generator, steel tower, and computer. Overall, there are two kinds of turbine. The bigger one usually located at the sea and the hills which is have both maximum output and wind strength. The smaller one is placed in the resident area that have little output.

The process is started when the wind twist the blades. At the same time, wind sensor will send a report to the computer that contains some data about speed and direction of the wind. As a consequence, electricity will be generated through generator.

In addition, to produce an optimum result, there are three different types of the turbine locations. First, it placed in the sea. It has some advantages such as get tremendous wind power, produce maximum output until 1.5 megawatts, and also it does not disturb the landscape. Second, the turbine that installed on the top of hill has the same positive aspect with the previous, but while sea-turbine not spoil the landscape, hill turbine disturbs the natural views. The last is domestic turbine. Although it has smaller size than others and the output only 100 kilowatts, it can be installed around the inhabitants' houses.

Writing Feedback / Owning an enterprise or becoming an employer: CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 6 PAGE 64 [2]

Nowadays, many people encourage to build their own enterprises rather than become employer of some industries or organizations. In my perspective, it will bring many advantages than drawbacks.

First of all, having self-company will make people's time more flexible, because they act as the chief executive officer, so they will create daily schedule by self. They can walk every time and everywhere as long as the company can operate well. If we compare with people that have a job, they have less flexibility. For instance, worker usually must go in the early morning and back to the home in the night even midnight.

Secondly, our personal quality will be boost significantly. Started from leadership aspect, it will be developed rapidly because we must manage all and start from zero. We must set vision, missions, goals, create some divisions like human resource, marketing, supply chain, production, and others. Moreover, some skills like decision making, taking risk, creative thinking can grow ultimately. In contrast, worker do not have time to maintain their own skill better, because they already busy for doing their daily tasks.

Third, today social enterprise become trend among the young people. They not only become entrepreneur, but also empower poor society around them to get a job. For example, in Surabaya, there was a place that became prostitution area in the past. Since the officials closed that in 2014, many local inhabitants had become unemployment because the visitors had gone. It is finally solved by many teenagers that build social-based company and change the place to become educative tourism place. So, it is proven that having own business will bring much benefits for society.

All in all, starting business maybe more difficult than become labor in industry. However, in order to make our nation have bright future, a lot of job opportunity must be created for reducing poverty. Furthermore, it will bring many positive effect both personal and social.

Writing Feedback / Happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance [2]

IELTS Writing Task 1 : Cambridge Book 5.5 - 6.5 TASK 1 UNIT 7 PAGE 76

These two bar charts provide information about happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance in the spouse life in United States. Overall, both of them don't reach fifty percent. It is also shown that connubial people have double happiness than unmarried except 65 and other that don' reach two times.

It is already illustrated that youngest people who already married, have the highest happiness rating at 45 percent. In contrast, 50-64 years old have the lowest value at 40 percent. Both 30-49 and 65 over have the same place at 44 percent. In addition, nonmarital people have almost half exaltation compared with wedded people, except the oldest people that have 34 percent.

There are only slight different of marital people who have pupils or not, so we can conclude that children have little effect to make them happy. It divided into three groups; teenagers under 18, children 18+, and no children. Their percentage are 44 percent, 41 percent, and 43% respectively.

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Writing Feedback / Wearing office-look clothes is important regarding to some enterprises policies. [2]

Some organization believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give you own opinion

Wearing office-look clothes is important regarded to some enterprises argument. However, others say that quality of work bring more positive impact than just use fashionable clothes. In my opinion, both of them are same important, but having great working performance is more useful.

Nowadays, many countries entering Industrialization era, which means that many people today work in Industry. One of thing that can reach professional value in the company is using International standard that can be shown from the way the worker using clothes. Some advantages that can produce by using office clothes are increase professionality, comfortable to see, and the most important is usually the clothes contain the company identity.

However, one of the most important factor that can increase enterprise popularity is because their labors has great quality of work. So, this is more useful than just make some suitable clothes for work. However, some expertise said that research shows that usually people can work better if they are given the chance to select their own-clothes freely. Unfortunately, it only works at the few people, and much of them don't have any problem with their clothes.

All in all, although using smart-dress can become the indicator of organizations professional ratings, customers will be more like if all workers can show their best performance and high quality of work rather than just good clothes, because action speak louder than just personal appearance.

Writing Feedback / The two figures which provide data about the land degradation in 1990s [3]

There are two figures which are provide data about the degradation of land in 1990s. While the pie chart displays all countries information in general, the table divide it into some regions. Overall, over-grazing become the most influenced factor that caused land degradation in all countries. In additions, Europe had the biggest problem in land, while North America just a little percentage

It can be seen that animal farms brought the highest percentage at 35 percent. It was followed by deforestation at 30 percent, and over-cultivation in the third place at 28 percent. Then, other factor had the lowest value at 7 percent.

Based on the table, each region had different biggest problem. In Oceania, over-grazing reach top among the others regional problem at 11.3 percent, totally different with their cultivation problem that had zero percent. Forest cut-down tree problem was the most tremendous in Europe at 9.8 percent while over-planting became the most outweight in North America. However, in sum of all, Europe has 23 percent while North America only 5 percent.

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Writing Feedback / Is school a suitable spot for pupils to study about how to adapt in the social society? [2]

There are many arguments mentioned that school is suitable spot for pupils to study about how to adapt with social society. In contrast, some people said that family will bring more effect if they directly teaching their own-children to be great in surroundings. In my opinion, spouses is the best people who can teach their own-child intensively

Nowadays, schools tend to be the center of educations. Many parents already busy with their activities, so they choose the best school for educating their children both intellectual and social aspects. So, in this case, teachers bring the main role to create student's perspective, about how interact with people. In fact, it is extremely not effective, because there are too many children in the school, and actually teachers only develop their intellectual quotient. Furthermore, students cannot learn a lot about the way to socialize with other people from their teachers.

As a result of that, it is undoubtedfully that parents is the best people who know the real characters and potential of their own children. First, it's because father and mother have an amazing bounding with their pupils since pregnant. So, they exactly know what is the real characteristic of their child, such as introvert, extrovert, and others. Every character have not same way of interact with another. So, the parents know the best way to bring up their child. Second, it is caused by time that spent by parents with children longer than in school. They meet in the morning, when breakfast in afternoon when play even in the night when sleep together. So, husband and wife have the stronger change to build socialization ability and skills of their children.

All in all, family is the most convenient place for building emotional sides of children such as how to become good member in social life. So, I suggest that parents should keep in touch every time and more often with their children.

Writing Feedback / There are many kinds of food that spread in our country from local and international cuisine [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 WORKBOOK BAND 5.5 - 6.5 UNIT 2 PAGE 16

Nowadays, there are many kinds of food that spread in our country from local until international cuisine. This phenomenon brings both pros and cons especially in health aspect. While some argue that today it is not easy to life healthier, other say that is not difficult for keeping our body healthy. In my opinion, it's tend to be difficult today because of many types of food that offered and others factors.

It is not wrong if some have argument that modern life make all aspect become easy including keeping health. The development of knowledge make all aspect improve, including health. Today we can find just on one click about information of health. For instance, we can look for vegetarian menu, diet tips and tricks, fitness facilities, aerobic clubs, and others. Furthermore, many hospitals, doctors, health experts, and other kinds of facilities are like to be placed everywhere, so it can make us easy to maintain our body.

However, in my view, facilities and other external factor are not useful if people don't have their self-awareness. First of all, today there are many kinds of foods that contain harmful ingredients such as MSG, color substance, natrium benzoate, and others man-made things that created from non-natural substance. Some people also like to consume meat that contain high fat, cholesterol, it is because the tasteful taste of food. Moreover, some food that sell near the street in some food stalls usually not hygiene, but people still buy it because delicious and cheap. Secondly, as a result of fossil fuels combustion, it produces high pollution rate that very dangerous for our respiration system and people often lazy to use nose and mouth cover to protect their body. Third, because of the rapid improvement of technology such as computers and mobile phone, it brings radiation that create negative effect of our brain, even make people lazy to do physical activities, because they can refresh their mind only with their eyes and hand via mobile. It is different form people in the past that like to do sport activities for refreshing their mind.

In conclusion, even though a lot of health facilities and information are easy to access, its tend to be difficult to be healthy and fit because the habit come from their self-awareness.

Writing Feedback / The data about educational background of Bulgarian Inhabitants who wanted to stay abroad [2]

The bar chart provides data about educational background of Bulgarian Inhabitants who wanted to stay in abroad in 2002, 2006, and 2008. Overall, most of people had secondary education, and the percentage are almost tripled in 2002 and 2006 compared with others. In addition, while higher education had unstable trend, primary and lower had positive change each year.

It is clear that middle education had the highest number in 2002, 2006, 2008 at 65 percent, 61 percent, and 59% respectively. It's also only had a slight decrease each year, four percent fall in 2006, and downward by two percent in 2008.

Besides, the number of higher education had fluctuate trend because after went up from 17 percent in 2002 to 20 percent in 2006, it decreased by more than half into 9 percent. In contrast, elementary education rose from year to year from a very little upward in 2006, just one percent higher than before to 32 percent in 2008.

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Writing Feedback / If we can use it in appropriate way, the social networking can really narrow the gap between people [2]

Nowadays, social media develops rapidly and it make people's way to communicate within others has been change. As a result of that, it makes some arguments that social application will create worst relationship between people. In my view, I tend to be disagree, because it still has many advantages.

Actually, we cannot lie that the messaging tools bring some drawbacks. One of them is people will be lazy to meet up with their friends, even with family, because they think it is already enough to send the latest update via mobile. For example, a father in the past time usually like spent their weekend with his adolescence, but now, they just send the pictures or videos that illustrates their activity. Worstly, it will bring negative effects for children psychology feel father-less caused by only few times he plays with his dad.

However, there are some positive aspect that will defeat the disadvantages. First, chatting application has a tremendous flexibility. Taken example of that, today people can send their recent activity just in seconds although they separate in thousand kilometers. This is one of the evidences that electronic media bring the most efficient way compared with the past centuries when people used a letter that sent manually through post office and it took a long time for received. Second, some of the media contain many features like send documents, voices, images, videos, and also emoticons. This can be used to increase the personal relationship quality. For instance, when our wife sad, we can send funny images or video that make them smile even happier than before. Also, we can make a video call with our pupils every time and everywhere especially when we doing business to other cities even abroad, they can still see us lively just like without any distances.

All in all, although social networking has some bad sides, there are still a lot of advantages that can really make closest relationship, if we can use it in appropriate way. (331 words)

Writing Feedback / Information about people's opinion related to communication ability very useful in their occupation [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE WORKBOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 3 PAGE 23

The table provides information about people's opinion related to communication ability that very useful for their occupation in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the average of external communication percentage is higher than internal. Besides that, dealing with people is the most important skill that will help people for doing work.

It can be seen that all indicators of both internal and external only have less than ten percent change between 1997 and 2006. We can see in external sides, knowledge of product had the highest change about 6 percent from 35 percent in 1997 to 41 percent in 2006. However, even though it became the highest in external, it took the second position at all because listening skills to partners had a raise in 9 percent from 38 percent to 47 percent.

In addition, listening carefully to work-pairs became the most essential skill inside the company at 47 percent. Furthermore, the labor ability to deal with others is the most important skills among all at 65 percent. (166 WORDS)

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Writing Feedback / The air is leaking from every ventilation and going out in the first floor, in the roof. [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE WORKBOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 3 PAGE 35

The figure illustrates the process of heat lost and energy wasted that caused by air circulation of the house. Overall, while air that leaking is coming from every ventilation both in the underground and in the upper floor, air that is going out only occurs in the first floor, exactly in the roof.

The process is started when fresh air come from the outside through some holes. There are crawl space, kitchen fan vent, windows and door in the center room, vent in the drying room, and electrical outlet in the toilet. Since the rooms contains holes that connected to the outer of the home, it makes air enters to the house both in the underground floor and in the up floor.

Next, when the fresh air is already situated inside the home for replacing the heat air, so the warm air leaking out through recessed lights, attic hatch, bathroom fan vent plumbing stack vent, and chase. As a result, it makes the rooms temperature in the house become stable.

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Writing Feedback / It is said, that the main goal of entrepreneurship is to collect money without looking on others [3]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?

Some opinions mention that the main goal of entrepreneurship is to produce money without looking others and keeping focus to this. In my view, I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money.

To start with, in order to make business more useful, it must look at social impact. It can be seen that when someone starting his own business, he also creates job opportunities for other people. In addition, there are many companies that built near the resident area. Furthermore, they can recruit people that previously unemployment around the industries. So, the aim of the business not just to make profit, but even they can increase the society welfare of inhabitants that stay around the company.

Moreover, enterprises should spend some of their profits to collaborate with government for national building purpose. Taken example of that, in my countries, many industries create programs that related to some aspects. First, educational aspect. They give a lot of scholarships usually for students in the university. Even they give chance for their awardee to do internship program and they also provide monthly salary. Second, social aspect. It is proven by some corporate social responsibility (CSR) programs that has already launched to help society. For instance, green environment programs that have aim to reduce global warming, entrepreneur training that usually teach social society to become entrepreneur, and others.

In conclusion, it is totally wrong if businesses only for money purposes, because there are many kinds of impactful activities that can be held by industries such as for education, social welfare, and others.

Writing Feedback / There are some arguments that a dress style indicates the characteristics of someone. [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both of these views by the clothes they wear.

There are some arguments that say people dress style is indicate the characteristics of someone. In contrast, there also some opinions mention that we cannot judge the book from its cover. Based on my experience, it is ultimately true that fabric cannot become the indicators of what people are like, because it just physical appearance.

The main reason of my opinion, is because inner beauty more important than outer beauty, means that we can see the real personality of people from their heart. It is true that sometimes clothes show the people look like. Some girls Moslem show their faith to the god with their hair cover. But actually, is not true. It is proven by this kind of example, that nowadays hijab become one of fashion trends in Indonesia, and it makes many women that previously do not wear it. They compete each other for showing their beauty. Unfortunately, although they cover all of the body with hijab, their attitude still same with the previously like hedonism lifestyle, missing pray time, and others. In contrast, some men that have street performer appearance showed by their lot of tattoos, punk hairstyles, sometimes doing performance for charity purposes. They donate all of the money that they earned to many non-governmental organizations. These two examples prove that clothes are inappropriate indicators for showing the real people characteristics.

Besides that, clothes are just symbol and sometimes people lie with things that they wear. Taken example of that, in many retailers that owned by Chinese people, usually they have poor fashion style. Every day we often see that they like to wear only short and T-shirt, and look like it is already old. However, actually they are wealthy people. Otherwise, in many supermarkets that have many sales promotion girl, they use luxury clothes, high heels, and even "celebrity" hairstyle, but they actually get smaller salaries than the entrepreneur.

To sum up, it is totally wrong if person's fashion style placed as one of indication of what people like. This is because outer appearance is not as important as inner heart that show who the real men and women are.

Writing Feedback / Those four pie charts display information on worker's relationship with their boss and peers [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 7 PAGE 46

There are 4 pie charts display about worker's relationship with their boss and peers that gained from surveys in 2005 and 2009. Overall, they had very good relationship in all years and each year tend to have similar order.

It can be seen that there were two differences of relationship with supervisor in 205 and 2009. First, was the percentage. It only had less than 5 percent difference each of indicators. The highest were very good that increase from 61 percent to 65 percent in 2009, Good that decrease slightly by 4% into 22 percent, and do not have supervisor that rise from 1 percent to 5 percent. Second was the indicators. While some people were not give any answer in 2005 (2%), it did not appear in 2009.

In the next group that showed relationship with pair-work, most of the people had very good relationship both in 2005 and 2009, 63 percent and 70 percent respectively. That indicator also became the highest rise among the others with 7% upward. The charts also had a diverse indicators while in 2005 there was a poor indicator, it disappeared in 2009.

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