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Posts by sfiza [Suspended]
Name: fiZa
Joined: Apr 13, 2017
Last Post: Apr 28, 2018
Threads: 17
Posts: 27  
From: United States of America
School: Biose state university

Displayed posts: 44 / page 1 of 2
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sfiza   
Apr 28, 2018
Writing Feedback / What is better: work only three days a week for long hours or five days a week for shorter hours? [3]

Dear,
you are welcomed.

Working hours is always a hot issue informalword for academic test regarding the labor law.
( poor introduction)

first of all, you need to understand the prompt. Then you have to paraphrase it with the help of synonyms or different structures of sentences making.Finally you give your pinion about it. you write body para 2 or 3 body instead of only one. then it would be reader friendly as well as proper format of writing.

First, people can do limited wise ... unclear topic sentence
Working three days but withlong hours means ... just write your thought clearly.
... certain amount of smart less formal word decisions within ... its too long , break it in two sentences.
Take Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO, as an example. He Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO has to make made up to ...

you need to read a lots to know how a essay develop.

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Apr 28, 2018
Writing Feedback / Your company organizes a sports event for a local community. LETTER [3]

exam is coming soon.!! please help me
is it right format, which part i need to more develop to make it a very good letter

Please evaluate my letter based on criteria with band score.
Thanks very much for your time.

Every year your company organizes a sports event for a local community, but this year they can't do it. Write a letter to your local newspaper about this. In your letter

- Express your feelings about missing the sports event
- Tell them about your plans for next year
- Explain how this sports event is useful
.

Letter to my company



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my regret on behalf of STA Bank Limited that we are not going to arrange the local football competition this year because of unavoidable reason.

The event is mainly organized to involve young people in sports as they really enjoy taking part in this . We are also proud of being part of this. Now we feel extremely regretful for our inability to continue with the annual competition.

Due to facing financial obligations, we have decided not to support the event this year. Now we are committed to relaunch it in the next year. We have already allocated a healthy amount to plan the competition.

The event is essential for young to keep sound health. Ultimately they will be the future leaders of our extended corporation as well as our nations.. If they are deprived from getting such opportunities, this might bring detrimental impact on their overall development. Thus, we will never get a charismatic leaders. That is why our company arranges this event considering such social benefits.

I look forward to an exciting event next year.

Yours' faithfully,

Purba Hossain
Senior Officer, STA Bank Limited
sfiza   
Apr 26, 2018
Writing Feedback / Animals are being used in medical researchers [2]

Dear,
please help me in my writing correction. exam is soon. hope this time i will do well with the help of you.

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


help or cruelty?



nowadays , animals are being used in medical researchers. Such researches are hold up by a few, while another group is more care about animal right. This essay will discuss both the views, followed by my opinion.

Scientists should use alternative methods of research instead of experimenting on animals.To measure the effectiveness of drugs, some animals are commonly used. These activities not only hurt them, but also cause them to die early. If animals are continuously used for this, they may extinct soon which might have adverse impact on the environment. Therefor, experiment on animals should be banned.

However, medical science is depended on animal experimentation greatly. Even most researchers prefer animals to test new drugs as some animals' DNA is identical to humans' DNA. if using animals is stopped, such researches become impossible to carry. For this reason, experience on animals is considered as a legal activity for medicals' inventions.

In my opinion,animals can be used only to invent new medicine which is significant impact on human's life. Indeed there is no suitable substitutes of animals to carry researches.Nonetheless, misused of animals must be prevented. In fact people need to avoid animals in producing cosmetic products. So I would say that people can use animals if it need for medical purpose.

It is apparent that animals testing is only a way to resolve existing health issues. Also this has enormous potential to bring new inventions to new concerns.Although some are against for this, I would opine that animal experiments should not be banned for the invention of medicines.
sfiza   
Apr 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. Letter [3]

Letter of complaint



please evaluate my letter based on criteria with band score.

my question is bellow
-is it right format, I mean i write in semi-formal way.
- can it be better to write such letter in formal way or not.
- which part i need to more develop to make it a very good letter


You and your family are living in a rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.

· introduce yourself
· explain what is wrong with the furniture
· say what action you would like the landlord to take


Dear Mr Apurba,

I am Purba, your tenant from flat number 160 on Rankin Street, Wari. Hope you are doing great. I am writing in connection with the faulty condition of the dining table that you provided as part of rental agreement.

I am fully disappointed with the household stuff. The legs of the table are unequal in length causing awful situations daily. Miserably, my mom could not place all the prepared dishes on it because of a probability of the recipes being split. In fact it creates several irritating moments in front of our guests, while we serve food on it. For this reason, now we are not enjoying our dinner and lunch at our place.

Whereas I signed the contract, you assured me that the table would be replaced soon. In spite of staying more than two months, it has not been solved. If you could find a replacement for this to make our stay comfortable, it would be highly appreciated.

Looking forward to hearing from your side.

Yours' sincerely

Purba
sfiza   
Apr 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / Many students attempt to study abroad in foreign countries - merits and demerits of such decision [4]

@hassonmax
some corrections are bellow

Studying abroad refers is a lucrative way to studying educate those who have no proper facilities in thier home country.overseas in a ... of time. Nowadays, For this a number of many students attempt to study abroad in foreign countries. This essay is going to talk will discuss about the advantages ...

Dear
i think you need first read more and more sample answer before writing.
sfiza   
Apr 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / Junk Food Is Harmful To Teenagers [4]

Dear, first of all you need to provide the prompt, so we can evaluate your writing properly, to evaluate this we have to know which types of essay you really write.

Anyway i have read your essay, it seem to me unorganized essay. if is it a essay for IELTS task2, then you need to know proper format for this. otherwise you are not able to meet the requirements. my guideline for your this writing is that prompt will be paraphrased so that you can give the idea that you understand what they ask. after that you have to develop bodies with clear topic sentences. finally conclusion with summary.

hope it help you
sfiza   
Apr 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / More advantages than disadvantages of life in a house compared with living in an apartment [6]

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

convenient housing issue



There is an ongoing discussion regarding the convenient housing in terms of living facilities. Although houses offer specific attractions to live, apartments have beneficial facts. This essay will discuss whether the better accommodation is houses or apartments comparing their advantages and disadvantages.

Houses are usually spacious than apartments, this is a remarkable fact of it. This provides people the opportunities to pursue hobbies such as gardening. Pursuing such hobby is quite impossible in apartment complex. Thus, house has becomes a more preferable place to live as well as enjoying time. Hence, houses are superior to apartments in terms of having more space.

Apartment living, however; is cost-effective to maintain as it is smaller than house. Energy consumption is less in apartment; even its maintenance cost is much cheaper. For this an apartment is more efficient, whereas a house is cost consuming. Therefore, apartment is more convenient place to live in term of cost.

Furthermore, apartment is safer living as it has better security system. It has not only trained gourds, but also CCTV cameras to monitor unusual thing. In this way its residents feel more secure living here. This is hard to find out in a house living indeed. Consequently, apartment complex is regarded as a safety place than a house.

It is apparent that both accommodations have their own strong sides which influence on lifestyle different ways. That is why people are divided in two opinions in this regard.I would opine that advantages of apartment living overweight house's advantages to lead a busy life.
sfiza   
Apr 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / Recently many film and music pieces are given online for free. Is it a positive trend? [3]

Dear, if your letter is for IELTS, so its too long. in real test you will get only 40 mins to write it, it would be better to limit it within 280-300 words.

Nowadays , a large number myriad of movies ... on the internet which at are free of cost.I believe it is ...[poor introduction]

according to prompt this is not opinion essay, you need not to give direct opinion for this, i mean you used '' i believe'' , you can avoid this and try to write an introduction indirect ways for this.
sfiza   
Apr 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / An ongoing discussion whether boys and girls get benefits more at mixed or single-gender schools [2]

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

gender (dis)parity in schools



There is an ongoing discussion whether boys and girls get benefits more at mixed schools or single-gender schools. Sometime separate school is proffered for its own attractions, while co-education has specific reasons to choose. This essay will discuss both the views in details to present my opinion.

Students often distract from opposite gender in studying in schools. Naturally girls seem to study in cooperative ways, whereas boys appear to do it in competitively approaches. The differences in approaches lead a distraction in class-discussion usually. As a result their performance experiences a fall. Therefore, single-gender school is regarded as an effective way to address this concern.

Co-education develops a better social communication between boys and girls. Mainly they allow them to know themselves as well as studying together. Their such experience turns an asset for their future lives. In fact using it may bring advantages in workplace as they have to work with opposite sex. Therefore, mixed schools are considered as a worthy educational system.

In my opinion, students need a school where they are able to educate themselves optimally.
Mix schools extend the chance of communication with opposite sex. However, single-sex schools reduce distraction among boys and girls. Eventually, the both are effective in different criteria. Henceforth, the two systems are remarkable to deliver optimal education.

It is apparent that both the systems have considerable impacts on learner's development. That is why some are divided in two opinions in this regard. I would say that both the schools have significant role in education system.
sfiza   
Apr 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Is it possible to say a lot about person's culture and character from his/her choice of clothes? [3]

Dear, I have read your essay, you did not paraphrase your introduction that is why you have lose in TR criteria. Now I am going to suggest you how to develop a introduction in this types of essay. First of all you need to choose your supporting side of this prompt, then write the prompt differently changing word or synonym and different sentence structures, so that you can express that you understand the prompt fully. one more important think is that introduction must be 3 sentences at least.

Hope it help you
sfiza   
Apr 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / task 1(LETTER) for IELTS GT [NEW]

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
- describe the problem with the equipment
- explain what happens when you phoned the shop
- say what you would like the m
anager to do

please, evaluate my letter based on 4 criteria, and give feedback on that criteria, so that i can understand which part i need to focus more.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with regarding the faulty dish washing machine that I purchased from your company recently.

On Friday, 16th April, I bought the appliance which has the code BD064255T. On purchasing, your personnel set up it that seemed to me effective. Subsequently I have found some troubles while I am using it . Even the dirty dishes remain unclean after washing process. This has become an unsatisfactory fact for me.

Immediately I have informed to your customer service for the fact. They assured me that a course of action would be taken to fix this as soon. Actually, there has no such action happened within logical time, so I am disappointed about your services.

Since the machine is still under warranty, it entitles me to ask for replacing as well as repairing. Now I have decided that I would like a replacement of it. I was wondering if you would consider my concern.

I am looking forward to hearing your prompt response.

Yours Faithfully
Nila
sfiza   
Apr 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Negative Development Essay - Cosmetic Surgery [7]

Dear
you need to paraphrase the promt first, then you will give your outline sentences, this actual format of IELTS writing. otherwise your writing loose marks. your introduction is poor, so I would suggest you to read some writing, so that you can get some idea to write your next writing. by the way one good thing is in your introduction that you maintain three sentences in that. one important thing is that do not write any separate paragraph for your opinion for such types of paragraph because it is not asked.

hope it help you.
sfiza   
Apr 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts 8 test 4 task2: heavier weight and less fitness [4]

@vicki921

Dear,
your sentences are too long, so these become reader unfriendly. try to break into in a short sentences to read. Also, you have to write 5 sentences in a body para.

hope it help you.
sfiza   
Apr 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / A friend keeping an eye on flat during vacation [3]

Your friend is coming over to stay with you. However, you will be away on vacation for a month. Write him/her a letter and say:

how to get the keys to your flat
how to operate the equipment in the flat, and
suggest a few places of interest to visit
You should write at least 150 words.


my exam date 12 May, pls correct my letter. my taget is 7 band

One month vacation



My Apurbo,

I hope you well. As I have informed you regarding my one month vacation when you will stay at my place. I am sorry for being unable to attend you on those days for that. Anyway, you need to collect my flat keys from Mahbub who lives at flat 203. Actually he has informed about your visit.

However, during staying, you might face little difficulties. Firstly, sometimes the water geezer turns off automatically, so you might have to check it before using. Another is that the gas heater is out of order, but you can use another oil heater. The other equipment are quite good in condition to run.

If you get spare time, you might visit the Aquarium as well as the new Market. In fact, these places are not far from where I live. Expecting my arrangement provides you with facilities you need. By the way,it would be glad if you let me know how I assist more.

With love,
sfiza
sfiza   
Dec 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / University is the better route than school to reach successful career [3]

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to reach successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school both views and give your opinion

a school degree helps



There are some who deem that achieving degrees from university are effective way to find out the superior career path. However, there are few who consider that after completing school graduation, people should prefer jobs for better career. In this essay, I will be discussing both the views to come up with my sentiment.

Tertiary education is preferred by some due to professional requirement. This is recommended in particular area, such as physicians, other among profession. As physician, people need further studies; otherwise they cannot work effectively and efficiently. To boost up careers, they have to accomplish the advanced education. For this reason, that studying at university is widely accepted.

However, others argue that school graduates should work to be experienced as it is required in various professions. Such experiences are distinctly valued in job sectors. Evidently, this helps people in particular areas, such accountancy, management, and other among areas. So, people in areas need to gain practical familiarity with relevant subject. It is clear that joining in job after finishing school can be a positive development for individuals.

From my perspective, when experience is valued than study in particulars professions. In this case, I encourage individuals join to the work. Nonetheless, some profession is demand higher degrees. Then I think, people should pursue study to cope up with jobs. Thus, they can make a smooth career for themselves.

To recapitulate, it is evident that degrees from university or college are inevitable to be proficient in specific areas. While work experiences are also needed in the other areas. In this regard, I think, school graduate should go for work, if experience is demanded in their field; otherwise they should pursue further study for the development of career.

Dear mentors,
please evaluate my essay and give your precious suggestion to improve my writings.
thanks in advance for your time and kindness.

I am trying to improve my writing up to the level that secure my band 7.5

sfiza   
Dec 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Urban areas have more crimes. Direct question essay. [7]

@Jimmy879873

dear,
I m going to clear your concept about linking words like additionally, furthermore, etc

listen dear,
such linking words mainly one idea to another idea. in this case we should use this in connecting paragraph while we r writing IELTS TASK2.

if we use this in connecting sentences then we can not a develop a paragraph based on one single topic.

hopefully it help u

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Dec 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV [6]

@Erica Tin

Dear, I have read your essay. first of all, i think you need read more and more writing, so that you will know the structure of a essay.

when you read something or passage, just follow how a paragraph develop, vocabularies ( always try to know the intermediate level vocab that increase your LR),

just do as i say, in this way you can see your writing improvement.

keep writing dear, :)
sfiza   
Dec 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Wealthy countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor areas [2]

Dear mentors,
please evaluate my essay and give your precious suggestion to improve my writings.
thanks in advance for your time and kindness.


I am trying to improve my writing up to the level that secure my band 7.5

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree? (Cambridge 10)

allowing employment for poor countries workers



A discussion has been presented regarding the talented workers from the third world countries should be employed in affluent part of the world. This employment contributes in reducing the poverty as either an accepted or an unaccepted issue in the modern age. In this essay, I will be discussing the reasons as to why I am in strong agreement with this proposal.

Creating employment opportunities in developed nations for qualified worker, who live in under developed regions, are one of effective ways to help their country economy. When the workers are employed in the developed areas, they will able to spend more on their families who live in their home countries. Ultimately, their earnings become a remittance of their countries. Such increase in national revenues leads a growth in economy. Henceforth, such employment in wealthy areas must be bringing affluence for the less privilege regions.

In addition, allowing the kind of employments is also convenient in terms of cost for foreign employers. By such employment, they can avoid the conducting training, which are mostly time-intensive. It implies that when affluent parts of the world offer employment for skilled workers of poor nations, they can make the reduction of cost in certain segments, giving the rise to the gross profit of their corporations. Eventually, an increase in the profit in any corporation contributes in the country economy.

To conclude, it is evident that hiring workers from deprived nations also plays a pivotal role in boosting the poor economy. However, it also works for sustainable economic growth for the blooming nations. In this regards, I totally agree that the knowledgeable workers of undeveloped countries should be more employed by advanced countries.
sfiza   
Dec 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Technology in food making. How have those inventions changed citizens life habits? [3]

@Pureness

Over the pass LAST few decades, together with the advantages of technologies are CAUSES the change of human basic need way of life .

Individuals requirement for "delicious food", delicious food not just to "fullfill fullfillthe hunger" like before. They... new complex modified recipe.
POOR INTRODUCTION,

Dear, Purenss
I think you need to know the essay format, how write a introduction, develop a paragraph. it would be better to read some paragraph, you read in this forum because here is various essay with experts direction that help you a lots.

Hope my suggestion works for you.

keep writing : )
sfiza   
Dec 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Professional sportsmen have become very popular and their salaries are a lot of money. [4]

dear,@KCN

in this essay, introduction is not able to present full prompt. please focus on how to paraphrase that is a important part of essay in scoring band.

one think remember when you write either a introduction or conclusion, each paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. you need to break down your sentences into short.

more and more reading help you to write a good essay. just read and notice how a essay develop.

hope it help you

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Dec 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / A discussion has been ongoing regarding the development of roads and railways [3]

please evaluate my essay.

It will be grateful if you give separate band for each criteria. like TR, CC, LR, and Crammer.

please correct my punctuation, suggest me some sentence structure that boost my score.

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Cambridge 11)


railways need to be more funded



Nowadays, it is argued/ urged that more fund should be allocated on railway system than roads by states. I totally agree that railways need to be more funded. In this essay, I will discuss the contribution of rails to the nations compared to roads to draw my conclusion.

Investing in high-speed rails is an important aspect of development of a country. Such moods allow passengers to spend less time in commuting, while roadways are time-intensive in terms of speed. In China, to illustrate, most cities are connected with trains, and this reduces commuting times by half, allowing people to spend more time in a productive way that ensure the sustainable progress of the societies. For this reason, the investment on rails must be preferable.

In addition, it is evident that railways offer cheapest fair then cars or buses. Such fair not only encourages people to travel, but help also transport goods; thus it is considered as a dominant ways in order for economical growth to boost. For example, Indian Government recently unveiled plans to connect port cities by trains; this will reduce transporting cost by half, allowing transporting goods by it.

Furthermore, to control toxic substance, eco-friendly rail transportation is inevitable. This can carry many passengers and hundreds tones of goods, that way it saves energy relatively. In Dhaka City, an instance, its first underground metro service will be soon opened; this will reduce the number of vehicles on the road resulting in a decline in carbon footprint.

To conclude, Despite of popularity of roadways, railways should be preferred considering its long-term effect on societies. For this effect, it is meritorious to allocate more capital towards this field. I completely agree that modern trains are needed to be funded more than roads.
sfiza   
Dec 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / We should help minority nations to keep their languages for the cultural diversity [6]

hello@ernazaralakoz

i have read your essay, I think you should read more that help your writing. some suggestion is given bellow for your next writing.

your introduction is in poor format. there are some format to write a introduction that need to be followed in writing task; otherwise you will get low band in scoring.

format - paraphrase the promt using different word and sentence structure.

I m sharing here one of my practice writing.

It is evident that a number of languages have been disappearing each year. This phenomenon is not a concern for some, who urge that fewer languages would be better for worldwide communication.

then put your thesis sentence- I totally agree with...............
next is outline- in this essay, i will discuss........


hpoe it help you.

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Dec 2, 2017
Student Talk / I'm weak in English, unable to write any composition. What to do? [31]

hello Atiya,

first of all, take it easy and be comfort with English language, but u keep in mind most important think that u cant change your skill overnight.

Listening : You can enjoy the NORY STORY,

Reading : read BBC news.

Writing : write something on your note on daily basis, Your writing skill will improve if you read more. Learn the basic grammar and try create a simple story

Speaking : try to speak out with your friends, watch video on you tube like web serial FRIENDS

HOPE IT WILL HELP U :)
sfiza   
Dec 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / The top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions [5]

@chinkybehl22

hello, I have read your whole essay. as per my knowledge I have rearrange your essay to make it correct form as to writing format.

Now-a-days, top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions. Some people consider it a rational approach. However, there others think that it is unjustifiable. This essay will discuss both the views in detail, followed by my opinion.

Advocates of sportsmen believe that the high remuneration of talented sportsmen is rational. As such professionals lead a strict, disciplined life with extensive physical efforts, consistent practice, and a fixed diet schedule to bring pride and glory to the country. Due to such tough requirements, people in this field have a short-lived career. As sports professionals have limited tenure, they should be rewarded with high payment to acknowledge their excellent performance.

However, some voices urge that brilliant sports person should not be overpaid as it is a biased approach. They feel that other critical professions, who are more valuable rather than the sports field. To illustrate, the professions, like doctors, and bureaucracy effort not only help to reduce the social issues prevailing in the community, but they also provide a healthy environment. Henceforth, their efforts should be equally recognized along with the sports professionals.

In my opinion, the performance of top players is overvalued regardless the span of its benefits to people. Despite of having benefits of sport, I support that professionals such as social workers and engineers must be rewarded. They should also be appreciated in terms of lucrative monetary benefits for their outstanding contribution for the development.

To conclude, there are convincing arguments both for and against sports stars' high salaries. It is commonly seen that others professionals are pioneer of modern world. In this regard, I think that the long-term contribution should be valued by rewarding them in terms money.

if i made any mistake pls inform here, I m also learner here.

HOPE IT WILL HELP YOU.

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Nov 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / TASK-2: schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through WWW [4]

please evaluate my essay.

It will be grateful if you give separate band for each criteria. like TR, CC, LR, and Crammer.

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that they can just as well study at home. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

schools are obsolete?



Now-a-days, the internet is the key source of information. Even the source has been using in education. This trend comes up with a concern that there is no use for educational institutions because people would educate them by online learning at home. In this essay, I will present my disagreement along with rational reasons with this concern.

Skilled trainers can effortlessly be found in any learning institutions. They are not only responsible for teaching, but also motivating, encouraging, and monitoring their pupils through interesting learning styles. To illustrate, trainer's watchful eyes are able to examine learners' activities in order to nurture. In addition, the environments of schools are a key factor in order to develop students' communication skills, interpersonal skills, and other skills by assigning variety of projects within time-frame. Such experiences from schools ensure the comprehensive development of learners.

Moreover, the professional trainers provide lectures related to practical and theoretical ideas. For example, trainers mostly share their own experience regarding workplaces that learners are going to face in the future, whereas online learners may not get these experiences. Nonetheless, web pages is becoming predominant sources of data, even school professors also use the sources. It is evident that the source is not able to guide people in effective and efficient way to be developed.

To be concluded, although, vast information come from web sites, professional know the best way how teach to student in real sense. In my opinion, school training has significant influences on pupils that are inevitable rather than online programs. In this regard I am not convenient that the internet will replace the schools in terms of the quality of education.

Thanks.
sfiza   
Oct 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / Teaching foreign languages would be better for primary student than high school student [2]

SOME EXPERTS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER FOR CHILDREN TO BEGIN LEARNING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AT PRIMARY SCHOOL RATHER THAN SECONDARY SCHOOL. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

young student have more readiness for learning



Teaching foreign languages would be better for primary student than high school student. Although, this issue is controversial, a number of educationalists support considering its advantages. Here in this essay negative and positive effect of the both sides will be discussed.

Students naturally are more receptive at primary grades. Even they need less time in learning any foreign language than high school students, because they learn with no shy and talk freely without any fear of making mistakes. Moreover, they could pick up the pronunciation more easily as they learn it sub-consciously. For those reason, it is commonly believed that new language should be taught at much young age.

However, high school students mainly get opportunity to learn another language, and met expert's trainers at this level. Such type of trainers is mostly unavailable in primary educational institution, so it is not possible to be taught second languages in right way. If primary students are learnt with general teacher, the learning may not match the standard of the language, and not be used for study or career in later life. As a result, younger may be trained poorly because of the lack of expert teacher in primary school that is the main pitfall regarding this issue.

To be conclude, young student have more readiness for learning languages than older. If it is possible to manage special trainer for them, they then will bring maximum efficiency in such skill. Therefore, the result overcomes the all disadvantages in regarding issue.
sfiza   
Oct 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - teachers and parents education - which has more value to a child? [6]

@emem123
hello

your writing need some basic guidance because your are not flowing proper structure of essay writing.

you need flow ...

1) introduction must be paraphrase using different word and structure, at least three sentences.

2) main idea need to write in each paragraph. then it must be supported by relevant examples and supporting ideas.

3)second main idea need to write in each paragraph. then it must be supported by relevant examples and supporting ideas.

4) write a summary of your body part and your opinion in the conclusion .

keep in mind more reading bring idea about how write a essay.

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Sep 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Is it the right time for wildlife preservation? task2 [4]

In light of the current socio-economic situation of the world, do you think this the right time for wildlife preservation? If yes, what are the ways and means you suggest for this?" Give your opinion in no less than 250 words.

the preservation of nature issue



Wildlife preservation is debatable issue in present world. While social-economic condition has been demanding more natural resources to address increased population needs, healthy eco-system is also needed for continued existence of them. I assert that wildlife preservation is an alarming issue for human survival, and there are various potential ways to preserve this.

Protecting wild plant and animal species and their habitats is indispensable for every aspect of human life. If the excessive use of the resources is going on as to socio-economic demand, the nature then will be disruptive for future generation. For instance, various electrical power plants are already situated in wild places by removing numerous forest and hills, and the effects of such removal is contributing to the global warming. For this reason, the preservation of wild life is a crucial subject in order to save our nature in the present time.

Nevertheless, when the protection of wildlife is concerned, there are potential solutions to be offered to resolve this. Despite of environmental awareness, no steps can work effectively, so raising awareness among people will be effective one of possible solution. And then policy maker can implement restrictions against the use of natural resources. Finally, instead of using fossil fuels, alternatives such as Plant-derived plastics, biodiesel, wind power and solar power can be introduced to reserve those fuels from running out soon. Thus, it is not impossible to preserve wild life in a right manner.

To conclude, whereas the condition of socio-economy is noteworthy for most of people, the preservation of nature is also unavoidable. Considering these view, I m realizing that wildlife should be protected. Some steps like awareness, imposing strong law, renewable energy is magnificent option to address the concerning issue.
sfiza   
Sep 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people may get specific traits or skills by born or it can be achieved only by practice? [4]

It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician.

talents can be taught



By born some people get specific traits. While most people believe in that, others argue that such trait could be achieved with practice. I agree that those traits are gifts from nature, but could be strayed without continuous practice.

Talented people have inherent abilities that enable them to be special in a particular area. Even some , never had any teaching or any special teaching when they were young. They have grown up with innate capabilities and doing outstanding performance in their own field like music or sports. For example, there are a lot of sports teams which had best training sessions, but they are losing consistently. If talent had nothing to do with success, people with better trainer would always have performed better than others who have natural talent.

On the other side, talent alone is not enough without specific practice in different cases. In the spite of being talented some may not know how to use their talent; in this case they need to replenish their capabilities with practice and learning. For instant, some has good voice; they don't have any idea about rhythm, scale, and harmony that are required to improve in singing. For this reason, Despite of being talented training is mandatory with skilled one to be unique. Conversely, learning method can't be work such people who have no natural quality.

To conclude, naturally human traits come from genetics that appear in different way. It is not possible to have such traits any other ways, but it might be strayed without nurturing. Although, talents are not gained by learning, I gravitate towards that leaning enhance people's capabilities.
sfiza   
Sep 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. [5]

@renzotello hello

it is not possible to suggest you anything about your essay without knowing the prompt. please provide the prompt.

by the way .. I read your essay , I think you need to read some articles to about basic writing structure.Normally you need to know your opinion phrase will come in conclusion part, and conclusion will be included at least 3 line otherwise it is not consider as a paragraph that is general rule for writing.

I hope it help u . :)
sfiza   
Sep 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / A Time Bomb in Wildlife Existence - IELTS Writing Academic Task 2 [8]

@ayibram hello,

I have read your paragraph. First of all I suggest you that read carefully to understand the prompt properly that you did not do. Without knowing task, you can't address the task requirements. Addressing the task requirements is one of most important part in IELTS writing, and it also has effect on scoring.

I will suggest you read more articles. You will get idea what to write, how to write, and also new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.

In your writing you completely skip to consider term that social and economic development has been impact on wildlife.

Keep writing 
sfiza   
Sep 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 (Both Views of Blood Sport on Animals) [3]

@ditoaji hello!!

I read your paragraph, I saw you need to paraphrase the prompt properly. U can do it using synonyms or another sentence structure. But paraphrasing is important part of introduction part for task 2.

Now I am going to discuss about topic sentences. Your topic sentence is unclear that does not present main idea of the paragraph. You have to write a topic sentence that represent the main point of parahraph , and it also have effect on scoring.

I will suggest you read more more article that gave you new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.

keep writing :)
sfiza   
Sep 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / The portion of those who own devices by four different categories in Vietnam during 6-year period [6]

hi@tan_hao_hcmut

The line graph illustrates the portion (...) different types the proportion of ownership of devices in Vietnam during the 6-year period ... always introduction will be simple sentence and give main trend in here

Overall, (...) over the time in questiontime in question period, with the (...) CD player and Tablet occupied least.

... around 10% but soared this word is commonly used for significant changes like rise from 20% to 70% chant during the next 2 years to ...
... figures for CD player were around 60% and just above 82% respectively.

In contrast, there were some fluctuations ... a significant changes in the use of mobile in the timeline.

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