Writing Feedback / What is better: work only three days a week for long hours or five days a week for shorter hours? [3]

Dear,
you are welcomed.

Working hours is always a hot issue informalword for academic test regarding the labor law.
( poor introduction)

first of all, you need to understand the prompt. Then you have to paraphrase it with the help of synonyms or different structures of sentences making.Finally you give your pinion about it. you write body para 2 or 3 body instead of only one. then it would be reader friendly as well as proper format of writing.

First, people can do limited wise ... unclear topic sentence
Working three days but withlong hours means ... just write your thought clearly.
... certain amount of smart less formal word decisions within ... its too long , break it in two sentences.
Take Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO, as an example. He Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO has to make made up to ...

you need to read a lots to know how a essay develop.

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. Letter [3]

thanks Dear, your each correction means a lots to me.
thanks again.

Writing Feedback / Many students attempt to study abroad in foreign countries - merits and demerits of such decision [4]

@hassonmax
some corrections are bellow

Studying abroad refers is a lucrative way to studying educate those who have no proper facilities in thier home country.overseas in a ... of time. Nowadays, For this a number of many students attempt to study abroad in foreign countries. This essay is going to talk will discuss about the advantages ...

Dear
i think you need first read more and more sample answer before writing.

Writing Feedback / Junk Food Is Harmful To Teenagers [4]

Dear, first of all you need to provide the prompt, so we can evaluate your writing properly, to evaluate this we have to know which types of essay you really write.

Anyway i have read your essay, it seem to me unorganized essay. if is it a essay for IELTS task2, then you need to know proper format for this. otherwise you are not able to meet the requirements. my guideline for your this writing is that prompt will be paraphrased so that you can give the idea that you understand what they ask. after that you have to develop bodies with clear topic sentences. finally conclusion with summary.

hope it help you

Writing Feedback / More advantages than disadvantages of life in a house compared with living in an apartment [6]

Dear Holt,
yes! I am facing difficulties to understand prompt. thanks for valuable suggestion and time.

my supportive side below...
I think that landed house living is not more advantages compared with living in an apartment.

so i have to write 3 disadvantages of house living in 3 body part.
Am i right?

Writing Feedback / Recently many film and music pieces are given online for free. Is it a positive trend? [3]

Dear, if your letter is for IELTS, so its too long. in real test you will get only 40 mins to write it, it would be better to limit it within 280-300 words.

Nowadays , a large number myriad of movies ... on the internet which at are free of cost.I believe it is ...[poor introduction]

according to prompt this is not opinion essay, you need not to give direct opinion for this, i mean you used '' i believe'' , you can avoid this and try to write an introduction indirect ways for this.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the ten top rice- producing countries in 1999 Writing IELTS task1 [5]

Dear I have some suggestionsfor you, hope it help you.

... compares the data about regarding the leading ....
In conclusion, overall, China and India (...) most has the highest rice production compared to the rest of the given countries, whereas the USA produced the lowest amount over the year. This is the overview of your writing, so you need to write main trend in this part. one more thing need to remember that it would be better not to use any numerical data here.

Writing Feedback / Is it possible to say a lot about person's culture and character from his/her choice of clothes? [3]

Dear, I have read your essay, you did not paraphrase your introduction that is why you have lose in TR criteria. Now I am going to suggest you how to develop a introduction in this types of essay. First of all you need to choose your supporting side of this prompt, then write the prompt differently changing word or synonym and different sentence structures, so that you can express that you understand the prompt fully. one more important think is that introduction must be 3 sentences at least.

Hope it help you

Writing Feedback / A friend keeping an eye on flat during vacation [3]

Dear Holt
thanks a lot for your time. your every word means a lot to me.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Negative Development Essay - Cosmetic Surgery [7]

Dear
you need to paraphrase the promt first, then you will give your outline sentences, this actual format of IELTS writing. otherwise your writing loose marks. your introduction is poor, so I would suggest you to read some writing, so that you can get some idea to write your next writing. by the way one good thing is in your introduction that you maintain three sentences in that. one important thing is that do not write any separate paragraph for your opinion for such types of paragraph because it is not asked.

hope it help you.

Writing Feedback / Ielts 8 test 4 task2: heavier weight and less fitness [5]

@vicki921

Dear,
your sentences are too long, so these become reader unfriendly. try to break into in a short sentences to read. Also, you have to write 5 sentences in a body para.

hope it help you.

Writing Feedback / Urban areas have more crimes. Direct question essay. [7]

@Jimmy879873

dear,
I m going to clear your concept about linking words like additionally, furthermore, etc

listen dear,
such linking words mainly one idea to another idea. in this case we should use this in connecting paragraph while we r writing IELTS TASK2.

if we use this in connecting sentences then we can not a develop a paragraph based on one single topic.

hopefully it help u

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV [6]

@Erica Tin

Dear, I have read your essay. first of all, i think you need read more and more writing, so that you will know the structure of a essay.

when you read something or passage, just follow how a paragraph develop, vocabularies ( always try to know the intermediate level vocab that increase your LR),

just do as i say, in this way you can see your writing improvement.

keep writing dear, :)

Writing Feedback / Technology in food making. How have those inventions changed citizens life habits? [3]

@Pureness

Over the pass LAST few decades, together with the advantages of technologies are CAUSES the change of human basic need way of life .

Individuals requirement for "delicious food", delicious food not just to "fullfill fullfillthe hunger" like before. They... new complex modified recipe.
POOR INTRODUCTION,

Dear, Purenss
I think you need to know the essay format, how write a introduction, develop a paragraph. it would be better to read some paragraph, you read in this forum because here is various essay with experts direction that help you a lots.

Hope my suggestion works for you.

keep writing : )

Writing Feedback / Professional sportsmen have become very popular and their salaries are a lot of money. [4]

dear,@KCN

in this essay, introduction is not able to present full prompt. please focus on how to paraphrase that is a important part of essay in scoring band.

one think remember when you write either a introduction or conclusion, each paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. you need to break down your sentences into short.

more and more reading help you to write a good essay. just read and notice how a essay develop.

hope it help you

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / We should help minority nations to keep their languages for the cultural diversity [6]

hello@ernazaralakoz

i have read your essay, I think you should read more that help your writing. some suggestion is given bellow for your next writing.

your introduction is in poor format. there are some format to write a introduction that need to be followed in writing task; otherwise you will get low band in scoring.

format - paraphrase the promt using different word and sentence structure.

I m sharing here one of my practice writing.

It is evident that a number of languages have been disappearing each year. This phenomenon is not a concern for some, who urge that fewer languages would be better for worldwide communication.

then put your thesis sentence- I totally agree with...............
next is outline- in this essay, i will discuss........

hpoe it help you.

keep writing :)

Student Talk / I'm weak in English, unable to write any composition. What to do? [31]

hello Atiya,

first of all, take it easy and be comfort with English language, but u keep in mind most important think that u cant change your skill overnight.

Listening : You can enjoy the NORY STORY,

Reading : read BBC news.

Writing : write something on your note on daily basis, Your writing skill will improve if you read more. Learn the basic grammar and try create a simple story

Speaking : try to speak out with your friends, watch video on you tube like web serial FRIENDS

HOPE IT WILL HELP U :)

Writing Feedback / The top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions [5]

@chinkybehl22

hello, I have read your whole essay. as per my knowledge I have rearrange your essay to make it correct form as to writing format.

Now-a-days, top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions. Some people consider it a rational approach. However, there others think that it is unjustifiable. This essay will discuss both the views in detail, followed by my opinion.

Advocates of sportsmen believe that the high remuneration of talented sportsmen is rational. As such professionals lead a strict, disciplined life with extensive physical efforts, consistent practice, and a fixed diet schedule to bring pride and glory to the country. Due to such tough requirements, people in this field have a short-lived career. As sports professionals have limited tenure, they should be rewarded with high payment to acknowledge their excellent performance.

However, some voices urge that brilliant sports person should not be overpaid as it is a biased approach. They feel that other critical professions, who are more valuable rather than the sports field. To illustrate, the professions, like doctors, and bureaucracy effort not only help to reduce the social issues prevailing in the community, but they also provide a healthy environment. Henceforth, their efforts should be equally recognized along with the sports professionals.

In my opinion, the performance of top players is overvalued regardless the span of its benefits to people. Despite of having benefits of sport, I support that professionals such as social workers and engineers must be rewarded. They should also be appreciated in terms of lucrative monetary benefits for their outstanding contribution for the development.

To conclude, there are convincing arguments both for and against sports stars' high salaries. It is commonly seen that others professionals are pioneer of modern world. In this regard, I think that the long-term contribution should be valued by rewarding them in terms money.

if i made any mistake pls inform here, I m also learner here.

HOPE IT WILL HELP YOU.

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons? [3]

Dear@quynhvan,

I have read your essay, I think you need follow the structure of essay for writing otherwise your writing will get poor score in criteria. you can read first some essay then you come to know the structure, sentence structure, how to address the prompt.

hope it help you
keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - teachers and parents education - which has more value to a child? [6]

@emem123
hello

your writing need some basic guidance because your are not flowing proper structure of essay writing.

you need flow ...

1) introduction must be paraphrase using different word and structure, at least three sentences.

2) main idea need to write in each paragraph. then it must be supported by relevant examples and supporting ideas.

3)second main idea need to write in each paragraph. then it must be supported by relevant examples and supporting ideas.

4) write a summary of your body part and your opinion in the conclusion .

keep in mind more reading bring idea about how write a essay.

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / Is it the right time for wildlife preservation? task2 [4]

Dear@Holt
@Holt thanks a lots.

Writing Feedback / ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT CANNOT BE PROMOTED IN PARALLEL WITH ENVIROMENTAL PRESERVATION [5]

@Wontaeyoung HI,

At first you let me know me which type of prompt is it , I mean which one is your questions :

Opinion (Agree or Disagree)
Advantages and Disadvantages.
Problem and Solution.
Discussion (Discuss both view)
Two-part Question.

Writing Feedback / Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. [5]

@renzotello hello

it is not possible to suggest you anything about your essay without knowing the prompt. please provide the prompt.

by the way .. I read your essay , I think you need to read some articles to about basic writing structure.Normally you need to know your opinion phrase will come in conclusion part, and conclusion will be included at least 3 line otherwise it is not consider as a paragraph that is general rule for writing.

I hope it help u . :)

Writing Feedback / A Time Bomb in Wildlife Existence - IELTS Writing Academic Task 2 [8]

@ayibram hello,

I have read your paragraph. First of all I suggest you that read carefully to understand the prompt properly that you did not do. Without knowing task, you can't address the task requirements. Addressing the task requirements is one of most important part in IELTS writing, and it also has effect on scoring.

I will suggest you read more articles. You will get idea what to write, how to write, and also new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.

In your writing you completely skip to consider term that social and economic development has been impact on wildlife.

Keep writing 

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 (Both Views of Blood Sport on Animals) [3]

@ditoaji hello!!

I read your paragraph, I saw you need to paraphrase the prompt properly. U can do it using synonyms or another sentence structure. But paraphrasing is important part of introduction part for task 2.

Now I am going to discuss about topic sentences. Your topic sentence is unclear that does not present main idea of the paragraph. You have to write a topic sentence that represent the main point of parahraph , and it also have effect on scoring.

I will suggest you read more more article that gave you new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.

keep writing :)

Writing Feedback / Human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge [3]

@Holt

thanks a lot dear !! your correction really a lot to me. :)