Writing Feedback / The ways used to dispose of the harmful garbage in Korea, Sweden and United Kingdom [3]

The introductory paragraph is well done, but I think you need to put some ideas in order to make your opening paragraph is more interesting. Let me give you an example:

Some comparisons of how to get rid of harmful waste are presented in the charts. The data is taken from different countries and is measured in percentage.

Also, some changes have been made in the following paragraph. Here is the one:

General speaking, people in Sweden are more likely to bury such materials, while those living in Korea recycle more their waste. Although waste products in the UK interred in underground show the highest proportion, hardly are these materials reused into other products.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / The amounts of meat, salt, and fish consumed in China, starting from 1985 to 2010 [5]


This is good, but still needs more rooms for improvement. If I were you, then I'd like to swap such a sentence into a passive form as like a report writing is developed in general.


The main objective of the overview is to reveal the main trends of the graph constructed in 2 sentences.


This is grammatically incorrect. WRITE the amount, instead of the number


WHERE refers to a place while WHEN shows a time.



overusing cohesive devices/ linking words has points deducted.


This word is inappropriate in IELTS task 1.

I suggest reading sample answer as many as you can. This helps you improve grammar, vocabulary and grouping skills in particular IELTS writing report. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 The diagram illustrates the change of food consumption in China in quarter century [4]


You have to write no conclusion in task 1. Otherwise, you score hovers 5 or below. Your task is to write an overview extracted from the main trends of the data.


You failed to present an appropriate opening paragraph. What you have to do is write at least 3 sentences in a paragraph.


it virtually hovered ...


This contrasts to meat consumption

Obviously, you could write, but this needs more rooms for improvement. I suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your vocabularies, grammar, grouping skills and ideas related IELTS writing task 1. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / For over years, people always been paid attention on their look while working. [3]


This does not thoroughly answer the prompt given. As this is a both-view-essay question, your task is to justified your claim towards the two initiative views. In here, you are missing such a highlighted point, and therefore this costs you a lot for the score. Trust me.



Remember, IELTS is an international exam, so you need to discuss the issues presented as per the global view, not the local one. It is always good to put yourself on other global citizen's view. This helps you examine the issue in the worldwide aspects


Will attract a lot of attention from the people who were nearby


A good paragraph starts with a topic sentence, not illustrations as you did. The topic sentence is extracted from the thesis you present exactly upfront in the introduction.


This is not a concluding signal. This phrase is used when you are discussing your stand towards the issues. Quickly google concluding phrases, pick up one and generate it to your next essay.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars - Writing TASK [6]

Hi there..., thank you for sharing your essay here. Without further ado, let me give some valuable feedback.

It is always good to leave one space every time you write a new paragraph. This makes your writing easy to read. More importantly, you are more likely to control how many words are written in a paragraph.


This is a good intro, but it seems that this sentence are very similar to the the original one, and therefore this will deduct your score. I think you'd better switch it into the passive one. Here it is: A clear comparison of how the prices of fresh fruits and vegetables, sugar and sweets, and carbonated drinks change during the period in question is presented in the line graph.


An significant increase was seen in the price of fresh fruits and vegetables


The figure for the price of fresh fruits and vegetables increased dramatically and virtually reached a peak of 350%

I strongly suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your grammar, vocabulary and ideas related to IELTS essays. Hope this helps :D

A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Problem and solution of children who playing computer games [2]

Hi there..., thank you for sending your writing here. Without further ado, Let me give you some valuable insights.


If you write NUMBER OF, then this phrase should be followed by plural noun, e.g A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE/ CARS


Again, this idea is incomplete since there is no subject-and-verb agreement, which is the important point in a sentence. Here is a try:
Recently, a large number of inhabitants in the various age groups are familiar with computers and have used such technology in daily basis.


This is good, but the language presented is not natural. Here is the change:
Computer games also influence children's activities. Therefore, some of them are addicted.


It is believed that such games interrupt school and other activities and seduce kids to do what they have seen on the screen.


It is suggested that children should be educated about computer games.

Overall, you can write, but some improvements are needed in particular language use. I strongly suggest reading sample answer as many as you can. This way helps you improve good grammar, vocabulary and ideas related to IELTS issues. Hope this helps :D

A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / The common silkworm's life cycle and how silk cloth is harvested from them [4]


The most advanced form of metamorphosis is presented in this diagram. There are four stages of a life cycle of a silkworm broken down . The life cycle ends with cocoon and continues to grow into an adult moth over the following days after being started in eggs.


A very good essay always avoids generic phrases.


You can use transforms or metamorphoses

Well, you need much help, English prof.
The best approach to tackle grammar issues is to read sample answers as many as you can. Not only this, such a way improves your vocabulary and ideas related to IELTS essay.

Hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / Human activity is more pleasure due to the sophisticated existence of Internet [3]


If I were you, then I would develop my paragraph with at least three sentences. This way helps you gain more score in coherence.

Since this is the second prompt that I find here in a row, I won't discuss the intro in details. Simply check my ideas related to the opening paragraph here: https://essayforum.com/writing/internet-made-human-lives-convenient-70420/


This does not go hand in hand with the thesis statement. Try to align your thesis with the topic sentence.


You need to write this with present tense, not the past one.


... ENABLES ... DAILY ...


IELTS is an international exam, meaning that it is your task to discuss worldwide common issues. Instead of talking about TOKOPEDIA.COM, why don't you think of AMAZON.COM???

I suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your grammar, vocabulary and ideas in conjunction with IELTS essays. Hope this helps :D

a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / It is true that the Internet affects the way people live. Our life is much more easier now. [2]


This idea comes nowhere. Also, you need to write this present tense, not the past one.
Let me give a try: It is true that the Internet affects the way people live.


Again, this contains a grammatically incorrect sentence
Let me give a try: This helps people live more easily.


This sentence has been discussed in the previous ideas. You do not need to include this unless the sentence is redundant.


This sounds more complicated. It is always better to use PLAIN ENGLISH rather than BIG WORDS that you do not 100% understand how to use it properly.

As you can see, some changes have made. More attention should be paid on how to provide a very good introduction, since it is your stepping stones to the next paragraph. If you fail here, then I am sure you are in trouble.

Hope this helps :D
A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / West Park Secondary School map. The building experienced a significant change from 1950 to 2010. [2]

Ilmi_03..., it is good to see you again here with a very good report writing. However, some changes are needed in particular the opening statement. Here it comes:


The development of West Park Secondary School is illustrated in the maps. A significant alteration from 1950 to 2010 was seen in optimization for the schools' various needs. Some public areas for the past 60 years had no changes.

A good paragraph is written at least with three sentences. As you can see, I utterly develop my opening paragraph with that structure.


The grammar is correct, but the meaning is illogical. To tackle this, swap the sentence into a passive form. Schools' facilities had been improved massively.

Hope this helps :D
A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task 1 : the components of a wind turbine and where it can be placed [2]

Hi there...., including the original prompt of this diagram is a must, as to know that you are being measured how good your paraphrased sentence in the opening paragraph is.


The diagram shows how a wind turbine is built for electrical energy purposes.


What stands out from the first graph is that the process of a wind turbine needs some advanced steps.


While the latter one tells us some potential locations of such a generator as to produce more results.

Once you finish presenting a very good intro, then I will cogitate about the body paragraphs. I want you to focus on how to develop good sentences. Therefore, I suggest reading sample answer as many as you can. This helps you improve your vocabularies, sentence structure and ideas related to IELTS topics. A heap of luck :D

Writing Feedback / It is generally believed that the Internet is an excellent means of communication but some people su [4]

Please include the original prompt every time you post your writing. The question helps us understand the topic and task given.


The Internet as the source of the information is the latest communication tool.


Although this is true to some extent, such a tool opens up more opportunities for those who deal with.


In my opinion, the Internet has successfully changed the way people communicate.


However, people should be wiser to use this technology as the reliability of its information cannot be justified.

Well, it seems that you are trying to use BIG WORDS in this session. For your information, IELTS is not a vocabulary test, so using BIG WORDS will NOT help you score higher. Use plain English is always better, since this language brings clarity.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Degree Study Abroad [2]

hi there.., here are my valuable insights.


No, no, no.. you are not being asked to discuss how scholarship plays its role here, and therefore we can say that this essay is off-topic. By doing so, I am sure that this way will deduct your score when it comes to the real exam. It is mandatory that you have to peruse the question more closely to prevent your essay from off topic.


Compared to the previous years, more students today are more likely to study abroad.


What are the benefits and drawbacks? Say them exactly upfront so readers will grasp the following ideas based on the opening paragraph. Do not be such surprise here, you are in the wrong place.

As you did not present well-written an introductory paragraph, I may assume that this essay lacks task responses and coherence & cohesion. Reading sample answers as many as you can helps you improve your knowledge of IELTS essays. Not only this, your grammar and vocabularies are getting better. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Crimes in Newport city between 2003 and 2012. The burglary had the highest number among incidents. [5]

Beauty17, you have to include the picture of the graph every time you post your report writing here. This helps readers understand more what is being asked in the graph. Without any graph, I cannot even share how good you deal with the task response and cohesion & coherence. Therefore, I only focus on the technical details of such a report. Here we are;



The/ A number of is always followed by plural noun


No significant changes in the number of robberies.


The rate of burglary and car theft


It seems that you still have problems with tense usage. 2004 corresponds with past tense, not the present one. Write :"reached" instead of "reach"

Reading sample answer as many as you can helps you improve your vocabulary, grammar and ideas related to IELTS report. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / It's not necessary to earn money by children when they are still on parents care [5]


It is always good to shorten your sentence so as to bring clarity. Let me give a try: More children get involved as paid workers today.


no, no, no... this phrase is commonly found in students' IELTS essay around world. Hence, this can be categorized as memorized language. Not only this, such a phrase does not bring any value. I suggest omitting or rewriting it.


I thoroughly disagree with this initiative view


Why do you say that this is not the right way? You need to explain this exactly upfront so you reader understand what will be in the following paragraphs.


the proponents who argue this say that ...


Need more detailed discussion. How to tackle this? Asking journalistic questions such as why, how, what, when and where is one of the best approaches to make the discussion more interesting.

Overall, this essay does not fully cover the task responses and this sometimes lack coherence.

I suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your vocabulary, ideas, and sentence structure. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / The number of participants in education and science program in 1980 and 1990 based on a survey. [3]

ZiadRasyid24, it takes some time to understand the report writing without any graph. This way does not help you much since readers cannot even give you valuable feedback.


developed and developing countries as per the survey.


The language is not natural, as the grammar problems appear nowhere. The developed countries contributes significant numbers in ....


Significant increase was seen in ...


the figure for developing countries showed a slight improvement on...


These sentences are written in inappropriate English language, and therefore this will cost you much, as your score ranges between 4 and 5. I suggest reading sample answer as many as you can and learning basic grammar in order to pass the exam with flying colors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 & Task 2 : Participation Levels in Science and Education [3]

tyar32, you are not allowed to post two writings in one thread. Stop doing this, otherwise, your account will get banned. Bear in mind!

When it comes to writing task 1, it is always good to include the picture of the graph. This helps readers understand what is being asked in the graph.


A breakdown of participation levels in science and education as per developing and industrialized countries is presented in the bar chart. The data is taken from 1980 to 1990, a 10-year period.


this contains a grammatically incorrect sentence as two main sentences run together. How to solve this? You need to break it two or three sentences.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 "Some kind of paid work work children in many countries" [4]


the question does not ask you how parents should involve their children do some paid jobs. If you write this, then your essay is little bit off topic and deduct your score.


Working experience brings more benefits for children such as learning activities and value commitment.


Incomplete ideas appear here, since the sentence written is only sub sentence.


Again, it is not parents' opinion. It is always good peruse the prompt more closely so you know what is being asked in the prompt.

Overall, although this essay has been written, such an essay does not cover the question, and tends to be off-topic. Therefore, your score ranges between 4 and 5.

Writing Feedback / Introducing young people to the work routines - IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]


More children today get involved in working activities


This results in children learning an effective way in some work routines.


While some others clam that such working activities will interrupt young teenagers physical and psychological development, I would argue that children who work as paid labors will learn more practical experience rather than those who do not


While working activities brings more advantages for children,


Some child workers suffer from detrimental effects


More attention should be paid on this issue

a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / How I turned a deadly plant into a thriving business [2]


This summary is extracted from the video of Achenyo Idachaba published in TEDtalk.com with how I turned a deadly plant into a thriving business in the tittle.


It was Idhachaba who expounded


This sentence is too bulky with the ideas coming nowhere. I suggest breaking it into two-three sentences. Bear in mind that clarity is the king.


she examined... One word is always better than two-three words.


I omit the preposition FOR and conjunction WHICH as to solve the grammatical problem

Writing Feedback / The percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation in Ontario [4]


It is a good opening sentence, but you'd better present this with a passive form.
Let me give a try:
A clear comparison of the number of graduated students recruited as English and French language teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007, a 6-year period is presented in the line graph. The data is measured in percentage.


You need to polish this to gain better language.
Overall, there was significant differences in the number of teachers recruited in the initial year. A marked change was seen in the figure for English-language teachers showing a considerable decline in the end of the period. The converse would be true for the bracket for French-language ones.

a heap of luck :D

Writing Feedback / The variety of essay exercises - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - CONCLUSION and EXAMPLE [2]


This sounds redundant. It will not help you that much when it comes to IELTS essay. I suggest omitting it.


What are the advantages & disadvantages??? Say them clearly exactly upfront. Try not to present generic languages since they are vague.


Thousand students include their essays with such a red phrase and therefore this phrase can be categorized as memorized language. Omit it or rewrite it.


Again, with this phrase you cannot even gain more score as they are commonly found in IELTS essays. How to solve this? you have to justify why you say so.


It is argued that the Internet with its positive development helps people easily gain information 24/7 with free access.

Writing Feedback / French-language teachers were recruied more often from 2001 to 2007, in contrast to English tutors [3]

a good paragraph consists of at least three sentences. Let me give a try for the intro:
A comparison of the proportion of graduates who applied for jobs as teachers of both French and English languages in Ontario from 2001 to 2007, a 6-year period is presented in the line graph. What stands out from the graph is that both percentages accounted for a 70% success rate in the recruitment. This contrasts to a gap between French and English-teacher figures which had widen out. Again, the recruitment of French teachers experienced a steady increase, while the reverse would be true for that of English ones

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ABOUT ABROAD STUDY [3]


Students in past were more likely to study in their own countries.


More students today prefer studying overseas


Mention the drawbacks clearly exactly upfront, so you help reader understand what will be discussed in the following paragraphs.


Again, this sentences does not bring much help as it sounds too vague


This is a rough start. When it comes to topic sentence, you simply paraphrase what is in the thesis statement.


IELTS is an international exam, so you need to present current issues within international scale rather thank talking about the local one.

A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task (Practice) Topic: Study Abroad [2]


thousand students write this template sentence in their essay. Therefore, you will gain more scores in this part. I suggest omitting it. Simply paraphrase the prompt as your background information rather than working around with some flowery languages that do not help you that much.


grammatically incorrect sentence appears here, as you do not write one top level of a sentence.


What are you trying to say here? avoid writing a vague phrase.


Always remember to shorten your sentence in order to present a succinct idea. Let me give a try: Students studying abroad gain more problems.


This is good for students wanting to earn score 7 or below. as the phrase sounds redundant , students with band score of an 8 will barely use this link

Writing Feedback / The chart shows the alteration of kinds of crime that happened in Newport city center (2003-2012) [3]

Firkno05, you are not allowed to post two writings in one column. You have to write them separately and post them in different threads, otherwise your account will be get banned.


This should be written in present tense, as this shows the general truth.


it seems that you still have problem with tense usage in English. You can write both past and present tense in this part, but you have to be consistent in tense usage.


The language is not natural. You need to rewrite this. Let me give you an example. The figure reached a peak of 3500 violent crimes in burglaries


The idea is not complete as the sentence does not cover the detailed information.

As seen, you report is in average score as you miss some main features and trends in this graph. Where possible, it is mandatory that you read sample answers as many as you can.

Writing Feedback / Students have more opportunities to study in other countries, but they may struggle with problems [3]


this is a good hook and relevant to the topic, but such a hook does not bring any value and is common to find in IELTS/ TOEFL essays. I suggest omitting it and going straight to the background information.


The prompt does not discuss how government provides some scholarships to their citizen. Therefore, this part is 100% off-topic. Presenting off-topic idea will deduct your score below 5.


Again, thousand students write this template sentence and this will drop you score. You have create another powerful sentence as your claim.

Since this essay does not answer the prompt, rewrite all the parts in this essay. Otherwise, your score still ranges between 4 and 5.

Writing Feedback / Some years ago citizens, who lived in the rural area, knew well another people's in the neighborhood [4]

This is the third question that I give valuable feedback in a row :D


The idea written is not complete, as you do not write the top level of a sentence containing one subject and one verb.
Simply write this: In the past, more people lived in the rural areas.


This results in them knowing one another close that those who lived in urban areas.


but today, as more people move to urban areas for some reasons, their relationships are not strong anymore because they only know a few of them.


Although some people argue that rural areas made people live in slow pace, I would argue that there would be sturdy, harmonious and peaceful relation of family.

hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / People prefer live today in some urban areas and communicate less with local residents. [5]


You do not need to spend your time writing this flower language in IELTS writing. It is always good to go straight to the point rather than beating around the bush.



It seems that you still have problem understanding the prompt given. A closer look at the question asks you to use past tense, as some sentences are written with past time



These two ideas can be merged as to avoid being redundant. Here is the sample: Living in rural area made people easier to build their relationship, and therefore they were more likely to help one another rather than those who live in other areas.


The converse would be true as they rely too much on others.


More benefits such as close and string boundary relationships can be seen if only people lived small community


However, people are more vulnerable to live due to their dependency.


This results in personal quality of rural people decreasing.

Hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: the percentage of fresh graduate educators being required to teach two foreign [3]

The most significant fact to emerge this graph [...] went down at 52%, and up at 68 %.
The second body paragraph lacks language comparisons. Therefore, You need to rewrite them all. Let me give you an example
As seen, the number of teachers of both languages showed more or less a 70% success rate in finding their jobs. Compared to the bracket of English teachers, the group of French ones were more successful. Virtually 50% of the recruitment for French teachers dropped, but this percentage recovered to approximately 70% in the following year. This contrasted to the figure for English teachers presenting a marked decline between above 70% and 40% over the period in question. There was a decrease of about 30% in 2 years.

Hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / The number of French and English graduates who found job as a teacher in a big Canadian city [2]


initially


eventually


there will be more than one teacher. Write teacherS


&


the tense used should be parallel.


the first letter should be upper case.

Faridadwi18, this is off-topic. The information written is not correct since the report does not accurately cover what is being asked in the graph. You have to talk about the fact that the graph being presented was in relation to the number of teachers being hired to teach the two foreign languages within the period of 2002-2007. As you can see, the opening and overview paragraphs will cause you to have a faulty claim in the report, meaning that this essay is not delivering proper and accurate information.

Writing Feedback / Years ago, living in a small community was a common thing. Now the world has urbanized. [2]

Overall, these are well-written paragraphs. Not only that, you have answered what is being asked in the prompt. Just make sure that you write them due to time constraint.


This is a grammatically incorrect sentence, since the word urbanized. is a transitive verb, meaning that this verb needs a corresponded object.


The time duration is in the past time. Writing such a sentence with past tense is more acceptable. A closer look at this:
years ago where most of the world population WHO LIVED in rural areas that WERE


this experiences positive effects on people living in small community such as ...



Living in small community brings considerable merits (always add more adjectives. see the red one)


rather than LIVING in larger society


The reverse would be true as this could obstruct

Hope this helps :D
A heap of luck

Writing Feedback / Most people believe educational stakeholders are the best teacher. Agree or disagree? [3]


Write I think/ believe and so on, or swap with passive sentence: It is thought/ believed



Grammatically incorrect form. What are you trying to say here?


no comma in between.

Overall, it is a good try, but you need to consider some changes I've made. Let me give you a try;


Children are thoroughly influenced by parents (1). For some people, they argue that parents teach their children in the best way. For some other, parents are not always the best teachers (2). In my view, albeit they are never the best one in education, they take more responsible to care about their children, and therefore this affects children's later development and attitudes (3).

The advanced steps to create an opening paragraph are as follows:
1. Hook, a simple sentence with no more than ten phrases long to attract readers' attention
2. Background information, if you have a quite long prompt, then simply restate the ideas in the question with your own words. Otherwise, if you have the short one, creating a story related to the topic given is a must

3. Thesis statement, it is a claim that you have made about.

hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 (Introduction and Conclusion): Major advances in technology over recent decades [2]


This is too weak. You need to give a reason to justify your claim. Let me give you some:


BACKGROUND INFORMATION


TASK

The influx of advanced technology in the years and decades ahead has been discussed as it is believed that such a major breakthrough has impacted on the way people live.This essay agrees with this initiative view because modern automation speeds up manufacturing.

In conclusion, the rise in advanced technology makes life more efficient and effective in people's daily activities.This results in automation getting more work done in less time Relying too much on this brings detrimental effects

a heap of luck

Writing Feedback / Before I die i want to.... (doing what you want) [4]

Hi there..., here is my valuable feedback.


Let me tell you that short sentences are always better than the long ones. It works concisely and is easy to understand.
Chandy Chang cares very much about sharing in public spaces


Her method is familiar with sticker, pencil, and chalk


She asks audience groups to fill in a detailed questionnaire to conduct her project.


The checklist will provide the groups with questions to ask about flat rent and to take a bit more care with others

It is not the grammar points, but the natural English language that you should consider. Some students rely too much on grammar, but nevertheless their sentences do not represent proper English. A heap of luck.

Writing Feedback / The chart gives information about problems that people who live abroad may face. [4]

Hi there..., let me give you some valuable insight as per you report writing.
Bear in mind that including a picture of the graph every time you post IELTS task 1 is a must. This helps readers understand what is being asked. Without any graph, we cannot even share detailed feedback.


A breakdown of some problems that people face when they go abroad.


Overall trends show no changes, while some fluctuate over period in question.


Compared to all aged groups of people, the cohort of middle aged groups experiences more problems with the highest percentage.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Trying to paraphrase it to write introduction paragraphs (IELTS writing practice) [3]

Hi there..., let me give some valuable insight as per your short opening paragraphs.
It is always good to present you ideas exactly upfront, although some students trying to generate very simple claims, by doing such as





in their introductory paragraphs. Presenting ideas in the first paragraph helps readers understand what you will discuss in the following paragraphs since the ideas and sentences will move smoothly and logically from one to the other . More importantly, this approach gain you more chances to pass exam with flying colors.

Again, you need to keep your sentences natural as to good flow.


The idea that performing community service in daily life is the most valued by some people.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Most citizens claim that spectacular landmarks are essential for a town [3]


When you are being asked to answer this type of question, then you need to present not only people's ideas, but also your idea(s) towards introduction. Let me give you an example:

It is true that the government should concern more on the importance of futuristic tall buildings, while the improvement of public service such as schools and hospitals also plays an important role in people's development.This essay agrees with the latter argument because school has a major influence on educational outcome and hospital is the health care system for citizen in one country.

The blue sentences indicate people's ideas extracted from the prompt itself, while the green one shows your opinion corresponding the initiate view. Hope this helps. A heap of luck.

Writing Feedback / The two conventional techniques to take the water to be flowed into the farmlands. [2]


A good paragraph consists of at least three sentences. I suggest rewriting this paragraph above.
A brief comparison of how water is collected for the aim of irrigation. As seen, different methods are used in this diagram. While the first diagram shows how two menial workers are involved in this process namely swing basket, the latter one using rope and bucket presents more complicated way to take water.


IN ORDER TO WORK WITH SWING BASKET AS THE FIRST METHOD IN THIS PROCESS, PEOPLE NEED SOME SIMPLE EQUIPMENT. IT IS LONG STRONG ROPES TIED IN A BAMBOOED OR LEATHERED BASKET WHERE TWO PEOPLE HOLD EACH OTHER. THIS IS USED TO TAKE WATER IN 1-2 METERS DEPTH

Writing Feedback / Being a tourist destination country has flaw effects like littering, pollution, prostitution, etc. [3]

Hi there...., thanks for sharing your essay here.
As seen, you have presented a good essay, but you need to consider some points in order to pass your exam with flying colors.
Let's discuss the introductory paragraph as the first concern.
There will be no big diversities between IELTS and academic writing introductions. Students are suggested taking chances to develop their opening paragraph with care. Such a paragraph consists of background information and thesis statement. A closer look at your intro shows that the thesis written is not well-developed, since the ideas are not stated exactly upfront, and therefore this will deduct your score.



These two phrases are bad examples, since they do not bring any values and are commonly found in students' IELTS essays. A lil bit improvement as follows:

The idea that tourists' activities bring more negative impacts on destination countries is the most valued by some people. Some claim that this results in the amount of pollution from cars and dropping litter increasing significantly. Therefore, It is believed that tourists should concern on the areas where they visit with care and opt green activities as preferable holiday options .

Now, fast forwarding to the 2nd and 3rd body paragraph:
The issues: littering, pollution and social life interruptions need more detailed explanations. Asking journalistic questions, such as who, when, where, why, what and how are one of the brilliant ways to dig what's behind the story. Some students share their own stories, while others are trying to mark up the ones by presenting "fake data" as to concerning on fully-developed examples. I am sure that you can do this, as well. More importantly, one idea for one paragraph is always better than multi ideas for one paragraph. By doing so, you have more chances to cogitate about the issue more specifically.

Again, solution paragraph is too vague as the ideas comes nowhere.
-


Which rule?
-


how to keep the environment?
-


Not all people know this word, so you need to explain this with ease

Your task is to improve the weak points that I have highlighted. A heap of luck.