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Posts by fikri
Name: umar fikri
Joined: Jan 17, 2014
Last Post: Sep 29, 2014
Threads: 5
Posts: 317  
Likes: 71
From: Indonesia
School: Kampung Inggris

Displayed posts: 322 / page 4 of 9
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fikri   
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Recent medical problems and sedentary lifestyle. [9]

Given these evidences, it can be seen that people are facing up with many recently appeared illnesses due to aforementioned reasons.

this conclusion is too short, here you may put a suggestion to the readers
fikri   
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task - CHANGING CAREER AND PLACE OF LIVING ; POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE? [7]

Conclusively, it can be said that the benefits of changing careers are manifold. It leads to better financial status as well as an individual gets a chance to try his luck in other careers. Thus it is believed that in the coming time more and more people will change their careers leading to more fulfilling lives.

here, it will be better if you add a suggestion
fikri   
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Foreign language instruction should begin in kindergarten [4]

In conclusion, the use of foreign language instruction as early as kindergarten is supported by some people; however, there are those who disagree. I am totally convinced that if this endeavour is properly implemented by schools, this will most likely lead to improvement of learning ability among children.

you have written a good essay, but this will be more complete if you put a suggestion in the conclusion paragraph
fikri   
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children from poorer families are more successful in the future life. [7]

According to some people, child who is brought up in less well-off family is more quick-witted and can tackle with an adult life problems better than who is from affluent ones. However, I completely disagree with this position.

this is too short,
it seems to me that in introduction paragraph, you should attract the reader's attention, so you should put some sentences which are interesting
fikri   
May 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: FRESH WATER SUPPLY [7]

here, you have an essay which contains two different opinions, to connect the second and the third paragraph,you should put a connector which is appropriate such as 'however' 'on the other hand' and the others which show contrast
fikri   
May 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Old building must be protected by law, not knocked down. [7]

Many people have opinion that old buildings must be protected by law because (you should put a subject here) have many histories.

However, some people think, the building must be changed with new buildings.

However, some people think that the building must be changed with new buildings.
fikri   
May 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Maintenance old buildings are for being historical building [5]

In a country old buildings are as a form appreciation government to historic.

you should put comma after 'In a country'

And then Then, as a historicals valuable knowledge have deserved to be on hold

do not put 'and' in the beginning of the sentence
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Learn by self better than with a teacher [7]

hello, this is IELTS task 2, right?
here, you should write at least 250 words or more, this is the rule, if you wrote less then 250 words, it means that you didn't follow the test's instruction
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - the reasons why people travel and the benefits of it. [5]

when you post an Ielts task, you should include the task as well, so we will be easier to know what type of your essay is

but the pros it brings to us cannot be denied.

but the pros it / of it brings to us cannot be denied
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / Government impose heavy tax on air traffic to reduce noise pollution [4]

It is undeniably true that tremendous increased in the flight industry had contributed to incline of noise pollution and more airport needed to be built but the opinion of government should halt the air traffic by imposing a heavier tax is strongly disagreed

don't make the readers confuse when they read this sentence, it seems too long, I suggest to separate it become two sentences to make it more clearly, so it will be easier to understand

Do you agree or disagree?

this is agree disagree question, here you should mention other people opinion whether your opinion is agree or disagree
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Administrations often invest in the art such as music and theater. [8]

Galuh, please give space between each paragraph, it will make the readers easier to understand and catch your points

because they think that it more essential than invest in art.

you missed a verb here

pay more attention to all pars of your essay, so you will not make small mistake that may reduce your score
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Government investment in the arts to make better their country [5]

put some punctuation in appropriate place when needed,
pay more attention to your vocabularies, you should enlarge your vocabularies, make it more various
also, don't underestimate small mistakes such as misspelling, grammatical,capitalization,etc,,
everything is important when you write an essay
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Problems encountered by students in abroad [9]

pay attention as well to your capitalization, don't put capital letter in the middle of the sentence except the name of person,place, etc

it seems a small problem, but it would be a big trouble
fikri   
May 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / Many charities can society get if government investment money in arts activities [5]

However, from the other side, some people believe if government investment money in arts is waste of money and prefer to invest that money to public services

when you put 'if' you should put a complete sentence after that, it will show the effect of 'if-clause'

also, pay more attentions to the punctuation
fikri   
May 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2:How important is it for students to have homework?? [5]

Many people are of the opinion that homework is essential for students to keep them in touch with academics effectively, where as others hold a view that children's association with studies should be restricted to school and may not be carried out to home.

I think you've arranged this sentence well, but I suggest not to write a sentence too long, here you put more than two connector, it will be better if you separate them to be 2 sentences

Further more Furthermore, assignments are helpful for self assessment

Thus the idea of removing homework completely is not supportable.

Thus the idea of removing homework is completely not supportable
fikri   
May 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Stress "contributing factors and how to reduce" [3]

With the result As a result, children become stress and they become naughty.

just write 'as a result'

Therefore, I think that how to reduce stress in life household is keeping responsibility respective between wife and husband, and always keeping romantic relationship because another understand.

try to explain it more, it seems too general, try to make it more specific

Then, we should be negative thinking toward our problem that we can do it.

are you sure?
fikri   
May 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / The prons and cons of the Internet [7]

also, you should put the task in the beginning, so the readers will know the type of your essay,
fikri   
May 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / What do you think about outsourcing in Indonesia? [3]

when you write an essay, you should put space between each paragraph, so the readers will easier to catch your points. also pay more attention to put punctuation in some appropriate places
fikri   
May 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: PAYING TAX OR NOT [6]

Paying tax is made compulsory for citizens in every country, but some people argue that it is not our responsibility. I disagree with this opinion.

this introduction is too short, try to grab the readers' attention by giving an interesting overview/hook
fikri   
May 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Common Problems if both parents are working [4]

However , the decision to work by both the parents is associated with advantages and disadvantages too.

what does it refer to? I think, here you should put a word/phrase which has a function to start the discussion

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