Writing Feedback / From an accident to conclusions.. summary ted physical therapy [2]

Hi Bambang, in this particular TED summary, I believe the modification should be focused on the minor details such as the linking verbs and the phrases associated in your sentences, to elaborate this observation, please find the notes below;

- Cosmin Mihaiu has been an Physical therapytherapist and entrepreneur and, he
- became a TEDx speaker in 2015.
- He hashad a bad experience when
- LongOne time ago he likedas he was playing hide and seek
- game but one day when he played that game theyhe got into an accident.
- They fell and got injuryinhured .
- Eventually, their parents give themadministered physical therapy
- tofor their recovery their body .
- He fell that the method does not effectively working because
- the progress is too long
- therapy is confusing and boring.
- Every day theyThey should
- be doingdo the same
- activities toactivities to recovery their injury .

There you have it Bambang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we're here for you.

Writing Feedback / Handedness or the dominant hand has been researched by a psychologist, Mathew. [4]

Hi Raeni, below are my thought and insights to your summary essay.

- Mathew hadHe ( at this point, you can already substitute the subject as you have established it already ) found that
- in sportsgame( sports and game somehow goes together but not in a single sentence, otherwise it seemed redundant ) .
- Meanwhile, another research had beenwas conducted by Mathew
- in Germany ( the place where the research was conducted ) to find the
- namely mix-handed and being ambidextrous .
- The experiment involved thea number of
- musician regarding to test the type of instrument,
- that a keyboardist had higher
- level of music capacity by using both hands ,
- in some sports such as hockey,
- While in tennis, they prefer one hand player to makecreate larger loop of vision.

There you have it Raeni, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, I suggest you focus on constructing a more logical sentence as this can be sometimes confusing.

Writing Feedback / Handedness, the article about music and sports [2]

Hi Andika, my thoughts goes first to the fact that not all or not a lot of readers are actually familiar to the word, "handedness", I for one actually have to look it up and I must say it is one of those words that you fear or you worry to be included in such sentence, however, should you have the right sentence and the right idea or message to associate your word to, it's actually a very fun word to use.

Having said that, I have a few more suggestions for this summary essay.
- athe speaker took example from Mathew as an example
- who has artikel about music and sports. - I'm not sure what you mean by this phrase.

- To begin with,being handy in many different sports
- thatgavehas proven to be beneficial
- not only for sports ,
- Moreover, how important handedness wasis important so people can focus
- capacity onin finding their occupation.

There you have it Andika, I left a few sentences for you to practice your editing and proof reading skills and for future writing reference, I suggest that you focus on the proper construction of your sentences as it can be sometimes confusing.

Writing Feedback / The Profit from Losing Money [38]

Hi Mualla, I believe this is the first time that I'm going to review your essay and I hope you will find this website to be helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects. Here at EF, we do strive to to keep and provide you with the most accurate feedback and comprehensive criticism that will hopefully enhance and strengthen your writing projects.

From the physical attributes of the essay, I must say you need to merge the small or short paragraphs of the essay, this will allow you to showcase a more clean cut project and not only that, it will also create that formality and uniformity of the essay. This means you are able to showcase a larger perspective on where to focus which is going to be on the idea of the essay and not the way the essay is presented.

Overall, it is a well written essay and you should be able to revise the manageable modifications of the essay and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / Solutions and cause of the loss of bio-deversity [3]

Hi Goerge, as you are new here on the Essay Forum Team, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we make sure that you get the most comprehensive remark and objective criticism that will eventually help you in giving that much needed strength in your essay.

Having said that, I observed in your essay that there is somehow a redundancy on the words that you use in your essays and this is evident in almost all of your paragraphs, though it is fine to use this technique of writing, it is best to create a well written sentences, using one word at a time, words that will send the message across to your readers.

Moreover, I believe you will be able to easily revise the essay and in doing so, you can just take one word to describe your ideas and stick to it,rather than taking other words or synonym to its account. Once you have written the words and have chosen the best way to transpire your ideas, then go ahead and elaborate it. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Discussing the benefits of working in more than one job [4]

Hi Mohammed, below are my thoughts on your essay.

2nd paragraph

- On the one hand, - at this point, this particular phrase is not necessary as the ideas you have written is not compared with anything yet.

- changing thea career path can be
- Firstly , working in different jobs often broadens the one's horizon.
- they will improve and develop their expertise and expand their social circle,
- Secondly, the new career mightwill have a financial advantage over the prior one.
- People often chancechange their jobs to
- to a more financially satisfying jobs.
- mightwill eventually find out where
- his or her passion is, and which job areis much suitable for them.

There you have it Mohammed, this is just an initial observation and modification for your essay and I should be able to provide you further enhancement in the next post.

Writing Feedback / Writing: Influence of professional athletes on young people - they learn a lot from their own idol. [3]

Hi Phoung, I believe this is my first time to review one of your essay, therefore, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Team. I hope that you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects.

Now, as I go through your essay, I noticed the strength of your words, the words that you associate in your essay is quiet unusual, they may not be the regular words that you use in writing an essay but they are able to send the message across and this is whats important in writing an essay.

However, as much as I liked the strength you showed in the first 3 paragraphs of the essay, the last two paragraphs didn't really live up to the expected sense or should I say intensity of the essay. Having said that, I suggest that you revise the 4th paragraph and focus on the succession of ideas, I would also prefer that you input your example on the 3rd paragraph and not on the fourth one. The conclusion part also needs a lot more work and below are my suggestions.

- With all the reasons above, again, I would like toOverall, it is with much emphasisemphasize that, indeed, "Top professional athletes make good role models for young people".

There you have it Phoung, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The picture reveals the steps of processing of chocolate using cacao beans. IELTS-W-1 [4]

Hi Syeda, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- The picturediagram (- is the right word when it comes to writing an analysis ) reveals the steps of processing of chocolate usingwith the use of cacao beans.

- beginningit begins with the collection of
- red ripe red pods from cacao trees.
- The next step shows somethe preparation
- forof seeds for packaging
- before sending it to the factory.
- The process ends with the production of liquid chocolate production .

There you have it Syeda, as you can see, there's still quiet a few enhancements to be done in your essay and this is focused on the input of your words in your sentences, meaning, you have to be careful in constructing your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : the alteration in the city of United States [4]

Hi Riandi, below are a few thoughts for your analysis.

- ... the information abouton the alteration of land in the city of
- ... the course of sixty two-years
- startedstartingin 1948.
- Overall, it was essential to bear in mind thatthe residence
- and the local market were changed
- into a factory located in ...
- while the church is transformed into thea stadium in the ...

- As we can see, in the southwest of the river,
- there wasis no alteration
- Interestingly, the stadium took over the church's
- position which is particularly located in ...

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as usual, I would like you to practice on your editing skills, therefore, I left a few sentences for you to be able to proof read and edit, following the samples above.

Writing Feedback / The illustration depicts the information about natural loop of frog's life. [3]

Hi Bung, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.

- ... the information abouton natural loop of a frog's life.
- ... four main stages which are occurringthat occurs naturally,
- beginningit begins with the eggs to be the adult frog and ...

- ... which are laid on the water surface of the watercome to formbecomes an embryo.
- After development period, anAn embryo becomes a ...
- ... and lives in the water, using their gills to breathby gill breathing .

There you have it Bung, I hope the above remarks are useful to your revision and for future writing reference, you need to work on your sentence construction and be very careful in associating your words as this will affect the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Chris Anderson gives many formulas for all people to become a good speaker. [7]

Hi Alfin, don't you think this particular TED summary is too short?
I believe so. I think the elements of the talk is not seen and not evident at all in your summary essay, therefore, I advise you to go over the TED talk one more time and revise your summary.

Now, don't get me wrong, you can definitely write something short out of a TED talk, but not like this, regardless of the length of the essay, you should be able to showcase all the necessary information needed in the essay and all the information that is relevant to the talk.

Moreover, the talk is very interesting, it says the "secret to great public speaking", I believe it is a very good topic to talk about and for sure, the speaker has a lot to say about it. Now, don't get e wrong, you have what it takes to write and you have proven this in a lot of your writing, however, you should not lay low in your writing, it should always be something worth publishing and remember, in this day and age, whatever we publish on the internet will forever be linked to us, so make sure that every single post is with utmost importance and worth to be shared to our readers and to the rest of the world wide web.

Writing Feedback / The government is wasting money on arts? Arts is required to express our thoughts and feelings. [4]

Hi Syeda, I'm not sure but I believe this is the first time I'm sharing my thoughts and review of your essay, well, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be very helpful and even more so valuable to your writing projects. Here at EF, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will be useful to your revision.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I believe you managed to answer the prompt. One thing that I like about you argument is the fact that the sentences are kept simple, the ideas are very straight forward, also, you made sure that words you use are not so technical, as it's not called for in this particular essay, you made sure that it is very conversational.

Furthermore, the way the ideas flowed in the essay is very logical, you observed a certain flow that allows your readers to understand or rather easily understand what your point is in the given task. However, for future writing reference, I would like to se an improvement in your sentence construction, though your sentences are easy to comprehend, you tend to add too many words in one sentence and somehow, this affects the overall aspect of the essay. Nevertheless, it's a well managed article and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The process of making chocolate starts with picking the cocoa with ripe red pods [3]

HI Riandi, here's another one from my end.

- The diagram reveals the information abouton several
- which are growingthat grows in America, Africa,
- and Indonesia using human potential as a main concern, with the help of manpower , then it begins from
- harvesting the cocoa
- untiland turning it into liquid chocolate being liquid .

- The process starts within picking the
- cocoa with ripe red pods of cacao .
- After that put out the white cocoaThe coco beans are removed from theinside cacao.
- Thus, the beansThen the beans goes through the process of fermentation.
- Furthermore, all of itIt is then spread in the
- ... a drying process with the sun light of the sun.
- Next, the results are collectingOnce dried, it is then collected in the large sacks.

There you have it Riandi, as usual, I left a few sentences for you to practice your editing skills following the above remarks.

Writing Feedback / Several steps of hydrology's cycle resulting in a rain [2]

Hi Riandi, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.

- The diagrams give the information abouton several steps
- of hydrology'shydrogen cycle which
- produces a rain.
- Overall, there are three stages whichthat happensit naturally,
- then itthis begins from evaporation to the rainfall.

- Initially, there is evaporationwater evaporates from the sea, landlakes , and river - becausewith the help of the heat from the sun.
- After that, theThe vapor concentrates onin the air and transforms into clouds. - Then, the clouds movingmove to the highland
- sinceand the wind push it.
- the water will be fallenfalls and we calledit rain or precipitation in a more scientific terminology .

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks help you with the revision of your analysis essay. I suppose for your future writing projects, when it comes to analysis writing, make sure that you focus on the accuracy of the information, for this analysis, you said "evaporates from the sea, LAND and river", when it's suppose to be, "evaporate from the see, LAKES and river", such information is crucial so you have to be careful.

Writing Feedback / TASK PART 1 - THE PROCESS OF PRECIPITATION [4]

Hi Nina, now you were able to add the diagram and this will ease the process of revision for your analysis essay and I have a few suggestions below;

- happenedhappening in the surface of the earth
- and theits topsoil.
- Overall, it is important to bear in mindnote that the
- needsgoes through several steps before
- storing inmaking it to the sea.

- To begin with, because ofwith the sun,
- into the air,it's called water vapor.
- When it comes to the sky, the wind blows the water vapor - it then cools with turningand turns back into clouds.
- As a result, the water on theturns into cloud droplet - with combining increasingly large granules after severalover times .

There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to practice your proof reading and editing skills.

Writing Feedback / It can be seen that to make a concrete, the cement is needed as one of the main materials. [2]

Hi Raeni, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.

- is used in the concrete productionproducing concrete . - Overall it can be seen that to make ain making concrete,
- the cement is needed as ...

- Before going to the concrete production,
- the cement production is goinggoes first.
- The manufacture ofManufacturing cement
- involveshas five stages.
- The first stage of cement production is when the limestone and clay is ground byis thrown into the crusher
- into ato become powder.
-After that, theThe powder is then
- rotated to makecreate a mixture.
- The heated mixtures is carried by the conveyor
- In this step, the final cement areThis process will producedcement and is ready to be packed into bags.

There you have Raeni, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I made sure to leave you with the last paragraph, in order for you to practice editing the essay yourself and this should develop your proof reading skills too.

Writing Feedback / MAKING CHOCOLATE; ten steps process with the pods for raw-chocolate and factory for final production [5]

Hi Nina, as I go through the essay, the first thing I noticed is the fact that you were not able to include the diagram or at least the link to it.

This is very important as it will be the basis of the feedback, you know that we do try our very best to provide you with the most accurate remarks and insights you can get, in order for you to revise your analysis essay accordingly.

Having said that, I would like to let you know that the number of paragraphs is just right for what is asked for your analysis, however, again this is just my notes on the physical attributes of the analysis and I have a few additional suggestions for the last paragraph of the essay.

- After in the second-handthe second part of the production,
- In the end of this stage, theThe final
- stage of the process is seen to produce
-fine grade chocolate from the inner part pressed .

There you have it Nina, as mentioned, this is just a very rough and initial observation, I would ask for you to reply to this post with the diagram or the link to it.

Writing Feedback / Teenagers Training for High School Candidate [4]

Hi Yuri, as I go through the essay, I must say, this is a very short summary, I understand that it is supposed to be a summary, however, if the thought of the story is not there anymore and it is re-written as a summary, I believe this cannot be counted as a summary.

Look, I believe you have what it takes to understand and to write an essay, the key to writing, however, is to make sure that your readers understand and gets the message that you are trying to convey to your readers.

You see, with this summary, it lacks the contents or rather the essence of the essay, the message is not there, you still have to make sure that parts of the essay are still present. The introduction - very crucial, in order to let the reader know what you are talking about, the body of the essay - to make sure that you have supporting sentences and last but definitely not the least, the conclusion, this is the defining moment of the essay.

While you're at it, I hope you will be able to re-work on the essay and when you do, post it here on EF so we can assist you further.

Writing Feedback / Why the scientific discovery is enormously appealing and essential. [3]

HI Nina, I'm not too sure if this particular summary will actually suffice what is asked of you to write, you see there is a line between a summary and writing a short story from the long one without capturing the essence or the idea that the story if trying to convey to you.

Now, when you do your revision, make sure that it consist of the whole process of writing an essay, I understand its a summary but it is still an essay, therefore, you still should be able to have the introduction, the body of the article and the concluding part that will pretty much cover the entire process of essay writing.

While you're at it, I hope you will follow through with the remarks made for this essay and should you need further assistance, you can write us here on EF and we will guide you through.

Writing Feedback / TED Talks : Chris Aderson - How Simple To Lead Scientific Discoveries [3]

Hi Risky, here's another one from my end.

- that a simple question can carry out us of the edge ofthe human knowledge out of the edge .
- Columbus revealsrevealed that the world
- by only looking at his shadow on a well
- head is just blocking the sun and
- his ideas was followed and finished by Erasthones,
- the discoverery of Geography,
- finding the diameter of the world
- the calculation of the speed calculation of light
- tried towas discovered by Galileo before .
- Overall, Chris shows that we are not

There you have it Risky, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor verbs that are missing in your sentences such as the linking verbs and if you should take the singular or the plural form of the verb or not.

Writing Feedback / Here's How Facebook Actually Won Trump the Presidency [5]

Hi Bambang, I have a few thoughts on your summary essay.

- to convinces the citizens that Facebook had
- notno nefarious role in
-the American election.
- had effectively sentto send the information
- to the voters.
- Trump's team use Facebook as their ca mpaign media.
- It aimed to give information to the
- societies ifsociety who are spreading hoax issues and inaccurate
- as candidate offor the USA as president.
- Compared with Clinton,
- whereas for Clintonclinton more like campaign was drawn in the televison than on social media.

There you have it Bambang, I hope the above remarks to your revision and for future writing reference, maybe you can add a few more sentences to a summary and go a little bit deeper in understanding the story.

Writing Feedback / Many simple thoughts bring enormous ideas which may lead to something great [3]

Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts for this summary essay.

- First of all, he mentioned Richard, he'sthathad
- been done with insertion research,
-they used a wagon as their item.
- saidspoke about Erastothenes
- who carried out the diameter of the earth by
- made a calculation madeway from Sweden to Alexandria.
- Moreover, he told Galileo research about the speed of light - and it had been continuing' been continued by Armand F. ...
- All inOver all, the speaker said
- research by thefrom old Scientificsscientists to
- research appeared to be true.

There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the association of words well as the position of the words in your sentences.

Writing Feedback / There's is no doubt that learning a second language is important for people - bilingual brain merits [4]

Hi Riandi, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- Multilanguage is works differently
- compared thanto the mono language.
- There are two parts when using the English language as the main language
- consist of active and passive learners .
- InFor the active partslearners ,
- containing speaking and writingthey understand what they speak and write ,
- while the passive parts has listening and readinglistens and reads .
- For instance, Gabriela who haspractice two languages,that ar e English and Spanish.
- She utilize English in school whereaswhile using Spanish used in theat home and also
- to talkin speaking with friends.
- Children have the tendency easily to quickly learn
- about rather than adults.
- As a result, multilanguagebeing multilingual has remarkable benefits
- for children and also can makewill help them be more active, complex, healthy.

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you have further clarification, do let us know so we can assist you further.

Writing Feedback / The speaker gives an explanation about the development of brain when learning a foreign language [3]

Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts on your essay and as usual, I will be very direct, this will be focused on your sentence construction and how you can approach this summary better.

- of the brain by learning about the bilingual and multilingual languages.
- their brain can works differentlydifferentially than others.
- Furthermore, she is disparateclassifies people who
- about the languages to two stages,
- The active learners are doing speaking and writing
- However, the active personslearners can get
- more benefits for their brain sinceas it trains
- Finally, forat the end of her speech,

There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. I also have one question, how can I actually listen to this video?, this way I will be able to provide you with a more constructive observation together with literally editing the essay.

Writing Feedback / Summary The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000 [7]

Hi Alfin, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- (GDP) ofin the UK from IT and the service industry
- in the five different years during the period from 1992 to 2000.
- In comparison with the data in 1992. - I believe this particular sentence is not necessary

- Overall, there was an upward trend in
- the percentage of the service industry during the period of 1992 to 2000.

- As it can be clearly seen,
- the highest GDP of service industry in the period of 2000 with the total GDP at approximately 8 percent,
- During the periodeof 1994 to 1996,
- there was a downward trend t about 1 percent in IT.
- During the latter for period fromof 1992 to 2000,
- washas the highest GDP with...

There you have it Alfin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph of the essay for you to practice editing it yourself and this will also be a time for you to hone your skills on proof reading.

Writing Feedback / Zaria Forman has dedicated herself to preserve indefensible places which are may soon extinct [5]

Hi Zaria, below are my thoughts on your summary essay;

- which are projected willto be extinct
- bywith climate change.
- It cannot be a disputed that there has been
- she wants to witness this changes
- in thosethis sites until the time goes on.
- touch people's feelinglives .

There you have it Zaria, I believe this is the first time that I'm reviewing your essay and I hope it helped your revision, I would also like to take this opportunity to WELCOME you here on Essay Forum, with utmost enthusiasm, we are thrilled to welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback and the most accurate review in order to strengthen your essay and develop your skills in writing.Keep writing!

Writing Feedback / Summarize article : Creative cockatoos skilfully make tools from different materials [6]

Hi Andika, please find a few suggestions below;

- There is anAn activity from Alice Auersperg life, she's from University of Vienna in Austria.
- She saw cockatoo namelynamed Figaro who becamebecome the smarter than others birds .
- This is because he turned a wood into a splinter
- a wood and used it to reach the nut from theirits cage.
- By the time, it wasthe other birds followed
- by other birds toosuit .
- Moreover, she and her colleagues tried to planned a stronger case for cockatoos
- that will then be made into a special tool.
- to make a tool such asfor fashion
- All inOver all, Auersperg
- that they and theirshe and her friends can

There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks are helpful and for future writing reference, mind that linking verbs as well as the association of your words in your sentences.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary 2016 now looks dead set to become the hottest year on record [3]

Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end;

- also saysaid that the same argument
- that every year has a different record
- of the global temperature.
- induring UN climate talks in Morocco
- which morewere focused on applying the
- Based on the research, smog from fossil fuels
- constantly in the last three years while
- increasing of carbon emissions washas happened in the past.
- arguesargued that anthe issues about the environmentalist was fought toward to climate change, he also argued that the Chinese spread the

There you have it Dioba, as you can see, there is a focus on the construction of your sentences in this modification process and I hope you follow through with the enhancements.

Writing Feedback / (Summary Arrticle) This Aviation Startup Promises to Revive Supersonic Passenger Air Travel [6]

Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.

- Boom, start upstarted in the aviation technology of aviation which was sponsored
- by Virgin's Sir Richard Branson who recently launched
- and predicted that it will become the first supersonic commercial jet.
- ItThey also give details about
- that such as jet can accomodate passengers until
- 50 people. But, unfortunately the price is probably more much more expensive than other ordinary jet.

There you have it Alfin, I must say, with this particular essay, you were able to write an essay that is very direct and very comprehensive that you manage to stay into one paragraph and you should be able to develop the same comprehension in all your succeeding essays.

Writing Feedback / IELTS summary Aimee Mullins opportunity of adversity [4]

Hi Dioba, below are additional suggestions for your essay.

- Every word has a value and how we
- construct the value is depends on our
- way to deliveredof delivering it .
- wasis so powerful,
- because to say the thingutter a word out loud
- broughtwill bring it into existence.
- For several ancient civilizations such as the Greeks and the Romans
- are believe that a verbal curse by verbal has a great power.
- ... his precious experience of how powerful a word is .
- got broke in her feet, that's why he got an
- He promise he will gives amount of money
- doctor affects to Aimee.
- It is represents that every word gives great power
- and impression forto the audience
- depending on how you delivered your

There you have it Dioba,as you can see, there's a few suggestions that will definitely help you to strengthen your essay and I hope you follow through.

Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) Why Mark Zuckerberg Is Fortune's Businessperson of the Year [11]

Hi Alfin, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- washas surprised people in the world.
- Because theThe Chairman, Mark Zuckerberg
- became fortune'sFortune 500's businessperson
- revenues of almost $27 billion in 2016,
- In past, facebook perhaps onlyFacebook was a small business which was built by drop out peoplestudents .
- Nevertheless, now, had been the biggestNeedless to say, thecompany has become one ofin the worlds biggest company, particulary
- In consequence, markfollowing this event, Mark became
- and winnerwon many business award of business.

There you have it Alfin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as usual I left a few sentences for you to practice writing and hone your skills in writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS T2: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small [4]

HI Wai, first of all, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family,it is with great appreciation that we welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback and accurate reviews to your articles in order for you to strengthen each writing project and be more confident in submitting your essay.

Now, I believe you are having difficulty in understanding the prompt, so here's an explanation.

- Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that if small local businesses close, the communities will be heavily affected to the extent that it will bring them hardships in daily life. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

There you have it Wai, as you can see, with the help of EF, you will be able to understand the prompt, therefore, you will be able to answer it properly and know the direct approach in which to follow in writing your essay.

I will get back to you for the rest of the essay and should you need further insights after the review or feedback of EF contributors,feel free to write us back, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / Seven key takeaways from Donald Trump [5]

Hi Riandi, below are a few suggestions to modify your essay.

- There are several main points that quickly purpose to conduct such ...- this sentence is very confusing, I believe you mean this;

There are several points that can be drawn from Donald Trump's speech such as immigration, health care and the supreme court rulings.

You see, as you are starting an essay, you have to make sure that you have established the subject and the goal of the essay first before substituting the idea.

- Turning to the specification programs.
- Firstly , the wall might just be a fence,
- but it means there is a construction the fence on the border between U.S. and Mexico
- so that there is aand this is the gap among
- thosethis two countries.
- SecondlyNext , Trump has the promised to deport undocumented immigrants undocumented .
- Thirdly , it will be an alteration from before tohe plans to merge betweenthe U.S. Congress and ...

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as usual, I would like you to hone your editing skills so I left you with a few sentences where you can practice your proofreading skills.

Writing Feedback / Learning English has become a basic need for better life around the world. [3]

Hi Bung, I believe this is the first time that I will review your essay and with that I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, it is great to welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback and comprehensive input, in order to strengthen your essay and be confident in your submission.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- It is because with English, we will be able to obtain jobs,is always used for obtaining job opportunity
- and getting higher education.
- In addition, a forth of references is based on English.
- the government implementsimplemented a regulation
- for people learning English startedto start in the third grade and this is in accordance to theby law.
- the second language connectingthat will connect each other easily ...

There you have it Bung, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your writing and the good thing is, you can still enhance and develop this skill and one way to get better at it is by practicing to write as often as you can.

Writing Feedback / Getting better life with English mania [4]

Hi Nina, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- Mania can be good,however, alarmingly, and unfortunately deadly.
- in the worl d, learning English.
- Surprisingly, 2 billion people are eager to learn English
- with the largest proportion comes tocoming from China.
- The reason why it is crucial to learn this
- such as obtainingand obtain a job and
- also enrolling favorite schoolacquire admission in a sought after institution .
- WithIn studying English,
- disease together with a vast rangelot of people in the world.

There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and though this essay might be short, it suffice the idea that is asked of you to write.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : First home brain implant lets 'locked-in' woman communicate [5]

Hi Nurul, below are my suggestions for your essay.

- HB is an fifty-eight years old paralyzed ...
- In 2008, she was diagnosed with
- and reading the brain activity and translating
- However, they found that it has been difficult to make
- this devices to fit into the patient's daily lives.
- When the brain activity is recorded
- wire un to a tiny device like pacemaker.
- This then wirelessly sends a signal to a computer tablet
- whichwhere a software has been installed
- by software that can allow the tablet to be used in
- to conduct a trial of the system into other individuals.

There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor details in your sentence construction such as your linking verbs as well as the proper position of the words in the sentence.

Writing Feedback / (Summary article) It Just Got Easier to Shop Directly on Instagram [3]

Hi Alfin, please find additional suggestions below;

- Neverthe less, sinceas instagram appeared many years ago
- a lot of people thought it is better to post their photo inon instagram.
- Because instagram had manyIt has more advantages feature which didn't hasthat other social media didn't have .
- Until nowAs we speak , approximately 500 milion
- it washas one of the most enormous
- number of users onof social media right now.
- Recently, facebook whichwho ownsowned instagram announce regardinga new feature of instagram. - With thatthis feature retailer can post their
- products and if user like their product just click the photo and it will shows aboutthe price and how to order.
- ..., and is probably a success.
- The company also revealed about advertiser inthe advertising feature of instagram almost (...) increases .

There you have it Alfin, with this summary essay, I actually learned something and I thank you for that. It's always a good thing to learn something everyday.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task II most inhabitants where everyone knew each stayed in suburban. [4]

Hi Dioba, in this particular essay, I would like to tackle your title first before we go on with the body of the article.

Title: M ost inhabitants where everyone knew each other when they stayed in suburban areas .

Now the first two paragraphs of the essay;

- In the past, mostMost of the inhabitants who stayed in suburban areas knew each other.
- Recently,While most citizens who live in urban areas
- little number offew people in their environmentsurrounding .
- OtherwiseHaving observed this ,
- there are several benefits and negative impacts with inhabitants living in littlea small community.

- To start with, living in a tremendously peaceful community,they can protect and help each
- other member of community for illustrate .
- Firstly, each member of community willThey appreciate
- toone another member ,
- without see the occupation,seeing the social status or economic condition.

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / Antony Goldbloom, A machine can work like human, and substitute his work [5]

Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.

- Antony Goldbloom, he is a scientist who learned
- about machines .
- He rely toon machines that will change or replace the positions of human.
- It can work like humans, and, therefore, it can substitute human's work.
- finishing high volume task at little time.
- Although, actually machines hasn't been fully
- fulfilledthe human's work
- such as solve forcreating strategic ofapproach for the company. On other hand , Antony believes
- day later, machines will
- be changingreplace humans in handling jobs .
- He has prediction inthat some years later,
- we will be able to invent some

There you have it Alfin, as you can see,once again I left a few sentences for you to be able to practice your editing skills. I hope you develop your writing potential as you follow through the revisions and suggestions made to your essay.

Writing Feedback / The community can come from villages or cities. Merits and demerits of Living in a Small Community [5]

Hi Yuri, I believe this is the first time that I'll be reviewing your essay and this is your first here on Essay Forum too,I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum team, here, we strive to provide you with the most accurate feedback and even more useful suggestions that will enhance your article and any writing project for that matter.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions for your essay.

- TheA community can come ...
- The range of community can be determined based on their environment.
- For theAn example is a small community
- which hasthat can either have an advantage
- and negative impact for theirdisadvantage in the area.

- Firstly , the advantage of a small community
- is that everyone who knows everyone else.
- other people solvingsolve many problems,
- SecondlyNext , the other advantage is
- givingproviding fast response to
- other people when there are many problems in the community.

There you have it Yuri, as you can see, your essay can definitely be enhanced and I hope you follow through with the revision. I left a few more sentences for you to try your skills in editing or what they call proof reading, believe me, this will help you see your writing in a totally different level.Keep writing!