akbarmappiare
Feb 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - how many people took computer science at university of UK? [4]
Hi Lincoln, please you fix my few corrections
They are CATEGORIZED...
(Please, you prioritise the meaning if you wanna pick up the word. Delivering the proper word is to get a higher score)
Avoid mentioning the detailed information in the overview in the overview. it's better you write like this
Moreover, the female had always dominated for students coming from other countries.
Be careful of including the data. I think tha data you gave inappropriate information because the bar does not stand out at 30. You are supposed to write " at approximately 30".
Apart form those all, you have fallen the vast mistake. You have missed the information in 2012. I don't know exactly how to group the data so that you produce the second body paragraph which can confuse readers. Honestly, before I review your writing, I need time for understanding your picture so that I know how to group the data well. In my vantage point, you should review examples of the writing task 1 so that you know grouping technique. The strength in the writing task 1 is how to pick up the attractive information through the grouping technique.
Hopefully, these can help you for improving your skill.
GOOD LUCK
Hi Lincoln, please you fix my few corrections
They are divided
They are CATEGORIZED...
(Please, you prioritise the meaning if you wanna pick up the word. Delivering the proper word is to get a higher score)
in females easy year while there was a sustained increase in all figures except in the figure of men in 2011.
Avoid mentioning the detailed information in the overview in the overview. it's better you write like this
Moreover, the female had always dominated for students coming from other countries.
at 30 and 15 respectively.
Be careful of including the data. I think tha data you gave inappropriate information because the bar does not stand out at 30. You are supposed to write " at approximately 30".
Apart form those all, you have fallen the vast mistake. You have missed the information in 2012. I don't know exactly how to group the data so that you produce the second body paragraph which can confuse readers. Honestly, before I review your writing, I need time for understanding your picture so that I know how to group the data well. In my vantage point, you should review examples of the writing task 1 so that you know grouping technique. The strength in the writing task 1 is how to pick up the attractive information through the grouping technique.
Hopefully, these can help you for improving your skill.
GOOD LUCK