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Posts by pikul
Name: TaufiqulHafizh12
Joined: Dec 2, 2015
Last Post: Feb 8, 2016
Threads: 23
Posts: 26  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: UPN Yogyakarta

Displayed posts: 49 / page 1 of 2
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pikul   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / It's no longer a dream today. SPACE EXPLORATION WITH NATIONAL PRIDE RATHER THAN INTERNATIONAL EFFORT [2]

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

space exploration prestige



Space travel is no longer a dream today's. As seen, many people can go to outside the Earth due to the sophisticated technology. However, some people believe that such activity should be done with national pride rather while i personally argue that space exploration brings countries together so as to reach particular purpose, exploring space.

Needless to say, space exploration become a place for several countries to compete in the advanced of technology since they want to impress others by rising flag on the moon or particular planet and exploring space. According to proffesor Lambert, a lecturer in Harvard University, states that not every country can travel to outside space, so it would be national pride when a country can send their local people to the space, like America, for instance. As a result, others will regard its as a powerful country. However, in my opinion, it would be better if such space project is carried out together with other countries.

Apart from previous discussion, the reason why space exploration becomes international effort is not only the high cost to carry out this project but also the lack of equipment. A recent 2012 MIT University research reveals that 20 countries in this world invest their money and do research together to develop rocket space to another planet with Uni Soviet supplies rocket equipment regularly. As a result, many people have a high chance to go to the space in the future since their country get involved in this projects, so they can get the opportunity easily.

The aforementioned evidence shows that space exploration is no longer done with national pride. However, more countries should take a part in this project due to the paramount of importance knowing the space. Where possible, a strong commitment from country is needed in order to make its successfully.
pikul   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: RUNNING OUT NATURAL RESOURCES - we have started to look to space for solutions [2]

As Earth runs out of natural resources, we have started to look to space for solutions. However, some people argue that this is wrong thing to do, and instead we should look for alternative solutions here on Earth. To what extent do you agree with them? What alternatives might there be to exploiting space for natural resources?

More attention should be paid on natural resources. As seen, several space programs are made in order to look for another energy to satisfy people needs, while others argue that people should develop renewable energy on the Earth. In my view, the latter method is much better instead of the former one.

Needless to say, the massive exploitation of natural resources on the Earth by people is the reason why natural resources will run out soon. This situation push people to find out the alternative on the space since there are lots of fuels, minerals, metal outside the Earth. A 2010 recent NASA study reveals that asteroid had potential to be used for human needs since it had fairly similar content with minerals on the Earth. This resulted in governments trying to take those sources from the space. However, substantial funding should be taken into account due to the cost of space travel.

Apart from previous discussion, others believe that people should find out the alternative on the Earth because amount of energy is not used by people such wind, water, solar as much as possible yet. According to Professor Smith, an expert from Harvard University, states that water can be used as power plants which can supply amount of electricity for human life and does not give rise to pollution since it does not burn such fossil fuels. As a result, people can gain their needs without earning much money and keeping environment at the same time.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although space exploration can be a solution but it will be wasting much money and time as well. Instead, people should use renewable energy on the Earth within make a great effort in order to find out new technology which is appropriate with the renewable energy.
pikul   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: The perspective of study alone or with group [4]

although some people believe THAT learning activity together is ...

who prefer to avoiding aSUCH crowd since they need convergent thinking when <--- at the moment when I check at dictionary, i realize that convergent is being closer together. so it contrast to the last sentence
pikul   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Water tank, pipe, storage tank, boiler, pump, and tube - heating system in a house [2]

The work of central heating system in a house is illustrated with the diagram.THE ONGOING PROCESS OF CENTRAL HEATING SYSTEM IN A HOUSE IS SHOWN IN DIAGRAM It can be OBVIOUSLY seen that how the components ...

FirstLY, there is a water tank in the top of the house that is used to fill the storage tank ...

The water is heated up by the boiler and pumped to flow through the pipe ...

i suggest you trying to make a few more sentences since this is too short, good luck
pikul   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / One of favorite tourist destination is museums and local sites history. IELTS 2 [3]

Many museums and history sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people why is this? What can we done to encourage people to visit museums and historical sites?

One of favorite tourist destination is museums and local sites history. As seen, majority of visitors are foreign society since they have high interested in local culture while local residents are not. Therefore, the most viable solution is conducting special fee for native in particular day.

The main cause of this problem is about the curiosity. According to tourists, they have a tendency to find out the information about culture and local history while they are traveling since museums provide an effective way of learning. A 2012 recent Harvard University study reveals that 90%of people visiting museum tend to remember all of things about the history easily due to the direct experience they got. However, indigenous people are less likely to visit the museum since they have known about the history. This was illustrated in New York Times poll in 2013 that more than 90%of local people were more likely to spend their free time at home rather than at museum as it can't attract them. As a result, this brings museums into lack of attraction for local society.

To tackle this problem, something has to be done by government such encouraging local people to visit museum by reducing the ticket price. This method is believed for some people as the best way to drive people paying a visit to the museums. For example, Angel, an Indonesian psychologists, states that people are bound to be more interesting when they are facing with discount or special price. This results in local people interesting to see the museum.

The aforementioned evidence shows that this notion is caused with the different level of curiosity between tourists and local residents. However, it can be addressed through reducing museum admission price in order to attract people attention.
pikul   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: PROBLEM AND SOLUTION IN CAREER AND FAMILY [2]

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

It is hard to be a successful person. As seen, this notion brings a big problem such as stress due to the difficulty to split their time between working and family. However, i believe some viable solutions should be taken to tackle this problem.

Keeping a successful career and having happy family at the same time seems to be impossible since there is a problem preventing this notion such as feeling stressful. Feeling stressful is when people are in the situation such having bad emotional and mentality. This results in people being unstable emotion which can give additional effect like household rift and the decline in the quality of work. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 80%of divorce cases happened since spouses were likely to have less quality time with their family so as that they felt extremely tired when they were arriving at home.

To tackle this problem, government should make a new regulation to set working hours effectively for people in order to prevent the danger of working for long hours. As a result, they will have enough time to spend with their own family and keep their career in the right path as well. A 2014 recent New York Times poll reveals that there was a decrease in the number of people got depressed and divorce since such a strategy was started by government so as that they can manage their time much more easier.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the main problem of this issue is dealing with stress since the less hours they spend with family due to the high pressure at work. Where possible, possible the government should make a regulation to arrange office hours in order to resolve this problem.
pikul   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: APPROPRIATE FORM OF PUNISHMENT FOR DRUG USERS [4]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

More attention should be paid on addicted people to narcotics. As seen, they have a tendency to use drugs in the wrong path. Some people believe that government should send them into prison, while others suggest that it would be much better to put them into the hospital. Therefore, I believe i stand in the latter idea since hospital is the best place to rehabilitate them while the former method is utterly unacceptable as it can not helped them.

The general view has been that drug addicts should be arrested in order to prevent them influencing other people using narcotics. For example, BNN, one of the government institution that handle drugs cases in Indonesia, states that there is an increase in the number of addicted people in Indonesia since ordinary people are influenced utilizing heroin by drug users. However, I believe this is not the best way to solve such a problem since drug addicts have vulnerable mentality that should be helped by introducing the danger of drugs

Apart from the previous discussion, some people argue that government should put addicted people into the hospital so as to gain rehabilitation intensively. Hopefully, drug users can realize the huge dire effects on narcotics. A 2012 recent Harvard University study reveals that more than 90%of drugs addicts in the rehabilitation institution in England realized their own mistake and they were cured for 1-2 years. This resulted in the number of drug addicts decreased significantly. I am bound to choose this method since they are not crime suspects but they are the real victims of bad environment.

The aforementioned evidence shows that it would be great if drug addicts sent into rehabilitation center since this methods help them free from drugs. This is really more useful than the former method as throwing them to the prison does not break the problem. Where possible, drug addicts have to have strong commitment to be free from drugs.
pikul   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: USING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY TO WORK SAVES ENERGY AND TIME [2]

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

The development of information technology becomes trending topic these days. As seen, this notion brings people into a better life especially workers since they can do their task at their own home. Some people argue that it is really helpful for people who live far away from their workplace due to the time they can save, while others believe it would be not effective. I personally argue that such an idea has merit and demerit.

Needless to say, this issue seems to be able to make a possibility for people to use their time effectively by doing their duty at home since they can submit their task by using the internet. A 2012 recent Harvard study reveals that 95%of companies in England had used the internet connection to find out information for business purpose so employees can complete their job at home. This resulted in workers saving much valuable time and energy as they did not have to go to office.

Apart from previous discussion, staying at home for extended period of time leads workers to have less conversation with their colleague directly. This leads them to lack of communication since they communicate rarely. This was illustrated in New York Times poll that 50%of employees who did their duty at home regularly were more likely to make mistakes. As a result, most of them had a tendency to have misunderstanding with co-workers. However, it is not a big deal as the advanced of technology these days provides long distance communication which is extremely useful for workers to keep in touch with their boss or co-workers to prevent such misconception.

The aforementioned evidence shows that information technology provided to workers and a plenty energy saved plus less time spending at work far outweigh the supposed disadvantages of misunderstanding with the others. Where possible, some serious consequences should be taken into consideration.
pikul   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Online video games become is part of most children life these days. IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Some people regard online video games as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the young people who play them. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer and give your own opinion.

Online video games become is part of most children life these days. As per some experts, it should not be a problem to let young people playing online games since it can be an educational tool for learning additional language, while others believe that such online games will give dire effect on children. i personally argue that such idea has merit and demerit.

Needless to say, the main advantage of playing online video games on education for young people is they learn more about second languange since most of them are presented in English. According to Bayu, Indonesia young children, states that he can speak english fluently since he often communicates with people using English when he is playing online games. Unconsciously, this habit gives positive effect on his knowledge with having more vocabularies rather than children who do not play the games. However, parents and teachers should keep their eye on young children since playing online game can make them to be addicted

Despite the benefit, we can not reject that such this notion has demerit as well. This is because young teenagers tend to spend much time on computer which lead to a sedentary lifestyle. A 2015 recent Harvard University study reveals that 50% of young teenagers who spending their time on online games have health problems due to lack of activity. This leads them to obesity which can increase the possibility of getting heart attack and susceptible to disease. There is no doubt that playing online games for the long term can affect on young children health.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although such a foreign language can be learned by children while playing computer games, unhealthy lifestyle become a huge problem at the same time. i strongly believe that such bad impact should be minimized by parents with limiting the time children play the games.
pikul   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / International students are facing cultural adaptation problem when taking education in other country [2]

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?
Education is priceless asset. As such, the idea that huge benefit can be taken by attending school in a new country since it will be really helpful in the future. Yet, the demerit should not be forgotten as a consideration before international students leaving their original country. although the both ideas have their own views, i would argue that the advantage are more important than the disadvantages.

Needless to say, international students will face major problem when they take education in other country such a culture adaptation. This happens since there is lots of differences between their original cultures and others which give rise to make them depressed. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 75% of international students in England could not stand for long time being in the unusual situation which was impact on their focus. This resulted in the decline in their score at university. However, such the impact on this problem could be reduced by learning about the cultures in that state prior to leaving their country.

Despite these drawback, the main benefit of studying abroad should be considered as the reason why International national students take this opportunity. They believe that international recognized qualification is extremely essential since it can be useful for their life. This was illustrated in recent New York Times article that highlighted the good capabilities of students with international recognized qualification attracting companies attention to recruit these kind of people since qualified workers are needed by many institutions especially people with international recognised qualification. As a result, such students will take higher salary rather than ordinary people since they have additional values.

The aforementioned evidence shows that studying overseas has huge benefit rather than drawback but i think students should not be afraid with the bad impact since it can be brought down by acquiring information about culture for the sake of adaptation. Where possible, students should take this opportunity in order to reach bright future.
pikul   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: CHILDREN WITHOUT ARTISTIC TALENT [NEW]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude

More attention should be paid on children education. As seen, it would be useless if less talented children in non-academic subjects such arts are encouraged to learn something involved arts, drawing and painting for instance. I agree with this notion since untalented children have no chance to become an expert in art subject and they will be under pressure as well.

Learning art is not as easy as expected. Needs particular talent and great effort to learn such drawing and painting which they gain prolonged stress. For example, a recent study of Indonesian University reveals that children with lack of artistic sense should spend at least for 4 years to gain high skilled in the art subject. This brings them into stressful condition due to the difficulty of learning such subject which is quite dangerous for children's learning development.

Another perspective that should be taken into account that student without aptitude in art subject are extremely wasting their time when they attend the art classes since it is less likely to be an professional. According to Kak Seto, a psychologist from Indonesia, states that many children fail in Indonesia as they try to learn other skills contrary with their own talent. They will just become an ordinary person in the future without special abilities or skills which actually they can obtain it when they were child.

The aforementioned evidence shows that school have to pay more attention on children's talent since they are bound to endure the high risk of depressed and losing hope to be a high skilled person in the light of forcing them to learn about art subject.
pikul   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: MONEY INFLUENCE WORKERS however the loyalty can not be measured with salary [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

People have different opinions about the faithfulness of workers at work. There comes a point where money influences more employees giving constant support to a institution for many years while others feel that friendly environment and leadership opportunity is simply main reason for workers to remain faithful in a company. I personally agree with the latter statement since i believe it plays a key role in the workers loyalty.

When it comes to loyalty at work, people have a tendency to find out friendly environment since it can make them feel comfortable by staying in the same corporation for long time. A 2012 recent New York Times survey reveals that 80%of workers in America preferred to remain loyal to their institution due to happiness surrounded by kinds of good people which was suitable with them. As a result, they will not move to the other side even though its offers a plenty of money.

Another reason why employees live in the same company for long period is that hopefully they will have leadership opportunities since it might be a great chance to lead workers to the bright future. According to Bill Gates, a Microsoft's owner, state that several firms would give a big chance to them who show their loyalty in order to present them a better career path. This results in workers not moving out from company for years.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the loyalty of workers can not be measured with salary. As far as i am concerned, there are other important factors to motivate employees to be loyal to the institution. Where possible, some rewards should be given by companies in order to appreciate people works.
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of hybrid cars sale in Japan stood at 50.000 in 2006 then increased sharply to 340.000 [4]

The bar chart illustrates the global sale of hybrid vehicles in US, Japan, and Other countries between 2006 and 2009.A BREAKDOWN OF THE GLOBAL SALE OF HYBRID VEHICLES DIVIDED INTO 3 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES BETWEEN 2006 AND 2009 IS SHOWN IN BAR CHARTS

Overall, it can be OBVIOUSLY seen that the greatest change was ...

for the body paragraph you should compare more about the figures, you must do this since it influences your score
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Interview plays an important role in recruitment of organization [2]

than it may well become possibleBE THE RIGHT PATH to get potential workerS .

However, the idea of this bringingBRINGS many considerable advantages WHICH is not the most valued by some employerS .

Limited amount of time and number of interviewerSisARE common

Such condition is likely inappropriate, and give a rise to inflict financial loss.
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: COLOUR EFFECT ON PEOPLE LIVES - particularly on patiens and workers [2]

Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals

How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?


Today issue is about colours' effect on people lives. Apparently, more people particularly patiens and workers tend to be influenced by colours when it comes to work performance and health. However, it is argued that the effect does not significant as much as predicted.

Apparently, the impact of colour in the office is less important. This happen because colour has no tendency that involve with work perfromance on workers. The New York times reported in March 2015 that 40% of officers in America do not care about the colour or pattern on the wall. There was no effect on their quality of work even though their offices painted their rooms randomly. In reverse, i would argue that the performance of workers are influenced by good environment.

Interestingly, colour plays a role in some cases, but it is ultimately secondary when it comes to hospital since more patients do not pay attention on the colours and pattern on the walls but they focus on their health. For example, a 2012 recent study by University of Indonesia reveals that 90% of patients in International Hospital didn't experience the changes on their health even though they stay in the room with different colour. Apart from discussion, i argue that more doctors with high qualification influence people health.

As far as i am concerned there is no relation between colour and patient's mood or worker's performance. This means that colours are about people interest only. Where is possible, people should focus on their work while hospital should hire qualified doctors in order to improve people health.
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS - 20 minutes task - the sale of hybrid vehicles in global [2]

You should try to compare more about the figures since it extremely important for the high score..

The bar chart shows information of the sale of hybrid vehicles around the world from 2006 to 2009, and it is measured by in the number of sales.A BREAKDOWN OF THE SALE OF HYBRID BETWEEN 2006 and 2009 IS SHOWN IN THE BAR CHART

Overall, it can be OBVIOUSLY seen that US is the highest sales country over 3 overTHE HIGHEST NUMBER OF SALES EXPERIENCED IN US FOR the first three years while in the last period japan dominated the global sales.
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Doctors and inventors should collaborate in many aspects to bring community better life and future [4]

Some people think that inventors have bigKEY role in community but some othersWHILE THE OPPOSITES ARGUEbelieve that doctors have bigger role in community.

I think that both of them have same roleARE NECESSARY FOR PEOPLE , doctors are as substantial as inventors that are interconnected.

An invention is needed to bring community in forward life, so that their life can change into better life.MANY INVENTIONS AFFECTS PEOPLE LIVES BY MAKING IT MUCH EASIER
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: HIRING NEW EMPLOYEES - is the interview process necessary? [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

More attention should be paid on the method of employers hiring employees. Although some people argue that work interview is the best method to find out a suitable employees, however, this is utterly unacceptable. It is suggested that other ways such psychology test should be taken into consideration as it seems quite important while deciding new workers.

It is generally believed that work interview should be conducted by companies prior to hiring new employees since this way helps them to know about the level of their applicants' knowledge and suitable on the specific area of the job. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 80% of the company made a presentation during work interview so as to find out the intelligence of the candidates and their interest. As a result, this will bring company to better future since they have qualified employees.

Apart from previous discussion, psychology test is decent to be considered as a method while hiring new workers because it determines people's personality which is appropriated with the situation of the job desk. According to Mario Teguh, an Indonesian pscychologist, states that employees tend to be more enjoyable with their job when they feel suitable with their work. This will give rise to positive impact on the company's progress.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the huge role of job interview has become essential when it comes to hire new employees. However, it is argued that psychology test is equally important as well.
pikul   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour as a powerful weapon against people's uninfluenced shopping decisions - IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.

How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?


Colour influences people in different ways particularly decision when they purchase something. This notion is utterly acceptable since colour can attract people interest. However, i would argue that colour is not the only one factor when people buy something since famous brands affect as well.

As a matter of fact, colour has a big deal in when it comes to decide some options when people buy something. This is because consumers have their own interest colour. A 2012 recent psychologists study reveals, that more than 70% of people in the world were more likely looking at visual appearance including colour at products they would buy since many products with a particular colour sold out for 3 hours in Canada. As a result, the retail companies received big benefits.

Having said that, however, brand on the product should not be forgotten as a factor that is equally essential since lots people tend to buy something considering about it. According to fashion magazine in 2012, 85% of people were more likely to buy renowned brand in order to get more respect from others since it could make them become public attention. This resulted in the increase in the number of branded products were sold by retail companies.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the immense impact on colour has influenced people's decision to purchase something. However, it is believed that well-known brands also should take into account as well.
pikul   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of residents rate in three different areas of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 - the line chart [4]

A breakdown of population rate in three different areas of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 is shown in line chart. Overall, more people lived in Washington. Therefore, population rate had a similar trend for all countries.

Initially, the number of population rose during the 60 years and reached the maximum level in 2000, but Washington's population always came first among other countries. There was a significant gap in Washington compared to Yamhill and Columbia in 1940 with a gap of approximately twice as much and it had widened to over 160,000 in 2000 due to significant increase in the number of people in Washington.

At more detailed look at the graph reveals that the difference was less marked 1940, with just over 25,000 and 30,000 people live in Columbia and Yamhill respectively, while population in Washington was in number 75,000. Additionally, for the next 30 years, experienced slightly increase in the number of population in three areas. By 2000, a significant growth in Washington's population reached a peak at over 240,000, while the others had fairly similar population with Washington at the beginning of the period.




pikul   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Expenditure, Inhabitant and Consumption of Resources in the world [4]

A breakdown of ExpenditureS , InhabitantS , and Consumption of Resources in the world which are measured in the percentage, are illustrated byIN the pie chart

At first glance, that is obviousIT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN that there are different
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electronic media may bring dire effects on people's relationships and everyone should be aware of it [3]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More attention should be paid on the utilizing of electronic device these days. While this notion is utterly acceptable since electronic media bring dire effects on people's relationships. It is argued that electronic media are needed as have valuable aspect on human relationships.

Needless to say, people tend to use electronic media in wrong path which affect on their mutual relationships with people. They are often to end up communication without saying anything due to miss understanding connection with others particularly in text-message or chat-message cases. A 2011 recent Guardian Times survey reveals that 30% of American had broken up and fought with their mates as the miss understanding words or emoticons they had been created. This resulted in poor connection among people due to some people do not communicate to each other face to face. It is clear that electronic devices have bad impacts on personal relationships between people

.
Apart from previous discussion, others believe that electronic media are necessary in order to increase the quality of people's connection. Firstly, people can meet face to face even though they are in different places. It is possible since Skype or Video call have introduced to people. Furthermore, society can keep in touch regularly using electronic media which means that there is unlimited communication among people no matter where they are or whenever they need. In addition, people can make a lot of friends on social networking sites which extend their relation to the world. There is no doubt that electronic media have a huge impact to make people's connection more intense.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the use of electronic devices can give rise to harm people's relationships. However, it is argued that electronic devices bring people much closer than before. Where possible, i personally suggest that people should control the use of electronic media in order to decrease bad impact.
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some people argue that the sole purpose of business is to make a profit - the more the better [4]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Since globalization era, it is much more easily for people to enter business world. While some people argue that the sole purpose of business is to make a profit - the more the better, i personally suggest that creating and maintaining customers should be considered for better future.

There has been an assumption that the only one goal of a business is to make money. However, like or not, money is regarded as the key role in business world since the needs of money to run business. Furthermore, all companies require capital to carry out business activities such as production sector and employees's salary. Moreover, according to entrepreneur magazine, making money is certainly an important result of company existence due to the big correlation between profitability of a business and the length of its existence. As a result, there is no doubt that making money is of paramount importance.

Apart from previous discussion, business shall also focus on making and preserving customers. As per Peter Drucker, a lecturer in Harvard University, said that customers are foundation of a business and keeps it in existence. This means that if society have trusted to company's products, they will never stray away to competitor's products. As a result, the business will be getting bigger due to the number of customers will increase. It is clear that more attention should be paid on customers.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although making money is essential in business world, customer's role should not be forgotten. However, i believe that maximize profit should take into account in order to survive in business world.
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Clothes become an indicator in people's characteristics [3]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


It is certainly true that clothes are extremely important accessories in someone's physical appearance. Therefore, people believe that garments can reflect who really people are. Yet, the opponents argue that people can not be judge based on their clothing. In my opinion, such this notion of appraising people by their clothes is definitely wrong.

Apparently, people assume clothing as a reflection of personality. Those who dress by using the latest fashion show that they have a tendency keeping up with trends, for instance. Furthermore, the way people's choice to wear clothing, make statement about their body image and self-image. To illustrate, a woman who often use long skirt in her daily live, generally described as a feminine person. In addition, based on Gloria Fashion Magazine survey, the details of people clothes have significant meaning, at least describe specific culture such as batik for Indonesian people. There is no doubt that clothes play an important role in describing people personalities.

Apart from previous discussion, the opponents believe that clothes can not be an indicator to people's personalities. A 2015 recent Indonesian Corruption Watch study reveals that more than 50% of government's official do corruption. This means, although they wear good clothes everyday but there is no different personalities with common thief who steals people's money. As a result, with wearing a good clothes, it does not mean that people have good personalities. Evidence of this can be seen that people's character is not expressed by their garments.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the way people dress, might be saying a lot about their personalities. However, it does not indicate people characteristics. Where possible, people should know more about others prior to judging them. As for me, i strongly believe that true character is reflected in how people behave, not how people dress.
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why People Choose Vegetarian Lifestyle? | IELTS Task 2 [3]

I would argue that this IS UTTERLY unacceptable method because would affect immune system. you forgot to put be in this sentence

This is because those people believe that such behavior profoundly impactHAS GREAT IMPACTnot only for healthy life but also for AND creating better world

just suggestion for you, it will be better if you put scientific fact on your essay sir
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / An electronic communication gives a rise to a poor relation between citizens with others. [2]

Firstly, they claim personsPERSON ALWAYS SINGULAR YOU CAN PUT S IN THE END OF THE WORD, YOU SHOULD USE PEOPLE THERE who have a long distance relationrelationship with their familyFAMILIES or friends may be able to maintain their...

where is conclusion in paragraph 2??

but this notion also leads some opponents to promote that technology simplify keeping in touch with colleague or family.YOU MISS 1 VERB HERE
pikul   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Aims and Objectives of a Business - is it the funds only? [2]

LateLETS takes Google's company as a sample, 25 % fromOF their annual income will use up for charity. Therefore, again , having to save money to company expand without concern for humanity is not an inappropriate argument.i got your point but you have to pay more attention in your grammar because there is 2 verb thereSAVING MONEY IN ORDER TO EXPAND A COMPANY WITHOUT CONCERNING FOR HUMANITY IS INAPPROPRIATE ARGUMENT
pikul   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 : Staying healthy in this modern world becomes more and more difficult [2]

hello there, please correct my writing task 2 if you don't mind, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

QUESTION
some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be

discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Today's hot issue is about healthy lifestyle. As seen, this way of life is hard to be found by people in modern era. While this common though is argued by some people in the light of advance technology, others believe that such an healthy lifestyle is easy to achieve but need some ventures to reach it. Therefore it is suggested that both of them have their own reason.

Apparently finding a health lifestyle seems difficult for some people because recent inventions such as mobile phone, computer, give great contribution to people in degeneration health. A 2011 recent Indonesian University study reveals, that more than 70% of people in Indonesia tend to ignore sports since they were more likely to choose playing online games in computer or mobile phone rather than do regular exercise. This result in their health such as lack of of exercise and easy to suffer disease. It is clear that a sendentary lifestyle is obviously seen in Indonesian people. As a result, such an invention affects people to live in unhealthy life.

Apart from the previous discussion, others argue that it is not difficult to get fit. There is growing evidence that people can have a healthy life only with a little desire and effort. Firstly, they can exercise regularly such work out in a gym in order to improve their health since a number gyms with the latest fitness equipment have been built in the modern world. In addition, it is convenient to get healthy food to avoid cholesterol problem due to some modern supermarkets have spread to various region these days. Furthermore, it will be much better if people particularly workers consider of walking or riding bicycle instead use their cars. None of this would have been possible without make a real effort and strong eagerness.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the impact of modern era have brought people to a sedentary lifestyle. However, it is believed that this problem can be tackled easily if they want to be. Where possible, people should do exercise in groups so as to omit boredom.
pikul   
Dec 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / We can not function without doctors because they are more important than inventors.. A/D? [3]

We can't live without doctors because they are more important than inventors..

Nowadays, in modern era, there are a lot of useful inventions in order to make people's lives easier than in the past. However, several people believe that doctors are more important than inventors so as to reach healthy life. I would argue from both point of view.

People who live in sophisticated era will understand that inventors are absolutely important for people's life because they find many inventions which are obviously useful in lots of sectors such as medical, construction, sport, and many others. For example, Thomas Alfa Edison, the person who found the lamp, prove that everyone in this planet needs lamp for their life including a doctor. He needs lamp in order to help their job when they treat their patient or in surgery process. As a result, inventors are also essential for them.

However, several people argue that inventors are not as important as doctors because they help people directly and medicine. In addition, doctors's services are more essential for them because they safe many life and treat people who have diseases. Furthermore, nowadays, there are some doctors who are willing to work voluntary while inventors are not which means that people must buy their inventions by their own money. Hence, doctors are extremely neccessary and important for human life.

To sum up, it is clear to me that although doctors are essential for human life, I believe that inventors are substantial as well. Besides, in my opinion, both of them should work together to make peole's lives better than now.
pikul   
Dec 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Online sales for retail area of travel, film/music, books, and clothes in New Zealand [NEW]

The pie charts give information about kinds of online sales for retail area which consist of travel, film/music, books, and clothes that are measured in percentage between 2003 and 2013 in New Zealand. Overall it can obviously be obviously seen that travel and clothes sales decreased gradually for a decades, while book and film/music sales witnessed large increase during the same period.

To begin with, in 2003 swa that 36% people ordered travel via online which made travel becoming the biggest proportion while books sales were becoming the smallest percentage which had 19%. It meant that books percentage were approximately two times smaller than travel proportion. Furthermore, film and clothes had a fairly similar proportion which were 21% and 24% respectively.

Surprisingly, 2013 experienced significant increase of film proportion to 33% which had a gap of 12% with film proportion in 2003. This also made film sales becoming the biggest percentage in 2013. Meanwhile, there was a biggest fall at around 8% of clothes sales which caused them becoming the smallest percentage over the same period. Even though travel sales decreased to 29% but it still had bigger proportion than books which had percentage around 22%.




pikul   
Dec 14, 2015
Essays / Introduction about technology which can improve English skills [10]

Nowadays THE internet is very EXTREMELY common for people. People can easily access ACCESS THE internet EASILY for free language tutorials through websites such as YouTube and English discussion forum. Thus, it is believed that technology can help BE USEFUL to improve the English skills especially for English second learner.
pikul   
Dec 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - The essential skills for external and internal in communication [3]

The results of two surveys about communication skills that were important at work in 1997 and 2007 was shown on IN the table

Furthermore, employees with the capability WHO HAD CAPABILITY to analyse problems together with others is WERE depicted almost half of the listening ability as well as the persuading or influencing skill, which rated at the third and fourth positions

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