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Posts by ilankelo21
Name: MUHAMMAD ILHAM
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Dec 28, 2016
Threads: 36
Posts: 41  
Likes: 22
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Semarang

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ilankelo21   
Jan 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 modern forms of communication reducing human's social lives [2]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It has been believed that the decrease of the volume of time used by inhabitants to see their colleges is a consequence of the existence of state of the art communication methods in these days and ages. Even though many settlers agree with this notion as it forms individual society-behaviors, I strongly argue this argument since it seems that utilizing these modes of communication is more likely to expand human's social links and ease them to hold a contact though no physical meeting occurs.

The sophisticated tools are a detrimental factor influencing people to give their physical contact with the friends of theirs up. This takes place as modern inhabitants tend to rely on modern communication equipment such as email and messaging to keep their social relation close. In traditional holiday, for instance, like Natal or Ied Mubarak people are more likely to convey their regard to their relatives via these modern connection devices. It is no doubt that despite looking good, human relationship is basically not close enough, so those tools of communication tend to produce citizens living individually.

However, what described above is not truly correct since the existence of leading-edge of human communication equipment seems to expand human relationship more extensive. A case in point, students studying in particular country can widen their connection with other people from different world hemisphere, so this will bring a positive impact on the extension of student relation in worldwide scale. In addition, the application of modern communication tools simplifies inhabitants to keep their relationship. A tight schedule people have makes them extremely hard to arrange a good time to meet with their friends. With the implementation of these kinds of communication devices, the previous problems will not be any attention.

In conclusion, citizens favoring to live in individual manner is a drawbacks possibly arising as the consequence of the implementation of such advance of communication tools. However, the benefit created is more various toward the social connection of dwellers like the expanding of human relation and the simplicity for people to keep their social connection.
ilankelo21   
Jan 5, 2016
Undergraduate / Transfer Essay; searching for a smile and sharing it around - Smile is important to me [3]

I tooALSO have to search for ...
Though once found IN THE PARTICULAR TIME, I hope it breaks through ...

As I walk IN the streets of Madison, it ...
... pass me on the sidewalk, each covering a unique personality RESPECTIVELY .
My persistent smile and glowing face isARE most readily returned with ...

All acknowledgement and energy isARE being pumped into text messages, which break ties to the outside world, and most importantly, the IMPORTANT future.

A smile in itself makes way to relationships ...

... a genuine smile transcends merely showingA SHOW OF few teeth, but comes as ...
... requires caring for the other personPEOPLE , IF ONLY IT IS MORE SLIGHTif only in the slightest [/quote]
ilankelo21   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Life in a small village brings limited access to new information and to a better medical treatment. [2]

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

Since every person knew one another, small villages were favorable place to live for inhabitants in several years to back. However, due to the advance human civilization, metropolitan cities have been preferred by most people to dwell in these days. Though living in the remote area has its own merits such as friendly social atmosphere, and pure environment, I tend to believe that it has more drawbacks since the citizens are limited to access new information, meet nuclear needs, and get a better medical treatment.

Living in a small city makes people settling in this place experience such a closely social atmosphere. No limitation between citizens is felt. Every single one helps each other in dealing with problems the citizens face. Villager suffering a house fire, for example, is more likely not to individually cope with his/her impressing case, but impressive aid from the other residents comes surprisingly. In addition, no polluted environment also is the remarkable benefit showed in living in the place with full of limitation. Fresh air and clean water are the valuable experiment which will not be obtained when occupying in the metropolis. Aside that, the terrible traffic problem very familiar with town is never shown in the countryside, making residents feel comfortable to have a travelling in a particular place.

However, Settling in the rural area is not always simplifying its residents since various drawbacks are more likely to notice. Firstly, there will be a big problem for those who want to access new information since electronic equipment like computer and internet is restricted. Furthermore, it is quite often that primary needs people require are not available in the market, thus citizens have to travel a far distance to the centre of town to gain what people need. Finally, the similar issue will occur when people suffering a severe illness. Due to the fact that the medical facility and the expert doctor are difficult to find, the sufferer has to have a long journey to the city to achieve a better treatment.

To sum up, living in the rural area basically has various benefits like a friendly social link between its citizens, and a pure environment. However, I am more likely to argue that its demerits are more complex since the limited information, the slight restriction of elementary necessity, and unavailability of medical expert remain existed.
ilankelo21   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 the cause of animal extinction and solution to deal with [2]

Animal habitats have been destroyed, and some animal species (e.g. the tiger and the rhino) have become endangered.
Why does this happen?
What can be done to protect endangered animals?


It has been believed that the devastated animal habitat results in a sharp increase of the number of animal extinction in these days. Several factors are considered as the main reason of this trend, but there are some measures to do in dealing with these cases which will be explained before any conclusion is achieved.

Needless to say, poaching is the remarkable factor causing the decrease of endangered animals. Hunting is generally held by some inhabitants in particular place to meet their primary needs, but this occurred since the international trade of endangered creature remains existence. The ivory trade in Africa is an appropriate example to illustrate this notion. A high demand from china encourages native citizens to hunt elephants and take its ivories for being sold. This is doubtless will lead the deterioration of the volume of elephants, so no doubt that the illegal catch of animal will cause the decline of their numbers.

Furthermore, another considerable cause leading to extinction of fauna is the deforestation held for particular purpose. Due to the fact that human population is inclined, the illegal logging for human necessities and plantations tend to be popular, affecting that other creatures lose their natural habitat for surviving. Case in point, since an acre of forests in Borneo Island has been converted to palm plantation, more endangered animals are showed in human surroundings. And many of them are exploited by settlers for trade and food. By this phenomenon, it can be concluded that the cut of trees unwisely is more likely to make the number of animals decreased.

Regarding with some causes of fauna extinction, a diverse of activities can be done to tackle some factors leading the animal extinction. Firstly, a strict rule toward illegal hunting has to be issued in order to eradicate the animal trafficking around the world. Aside from that, a funding to help people have a fixed income so that they are not interested to hunt animals has to be provided by government. Finally, good cooperation between the official and the citizens in avoiding forest exploitation without long-term goal should be held. By doing these activities, there will be no impossible that those various cases are fixable.

In conclusion, several factors like poaching and deforestation are the main factors leading fauna extinction. However there are several activities to hold in tackling these issues such as the issuing of strict constitution toward animal poaching, the donation to native citizens in getting a fixed income so that they are hindered from animal hunting, and good cooperation between government and inhabitants in cutting down trees wisely.
ilankelo21   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'tiger and the rhino' - IELTS TASK 2: THREAT OF WILDLIFE HABITAT [2]

... wild animals' existence THE EXISTENCE OF WILD ANIMALS become more and more threatened. Even several creatures have BEEN stated TO near extinction such ...
... the predominant factors which have LEADING to decrease of the ...

... world in many ways, belonging INCLUDING THE THREAT OF FAUNA'S EXISTENCE. to threaten the wildlife's existence . Locals continuously cut down forests TREES for residenTIAL ce purposes and many ...

... their natural habitats HAVE BEEN SABOTAGED.

... a preservation program (DELETES "S") toward scarce animals and prosecute the perpetrators- OF illegal loggINGerand - as well.

In addition, WHEN CONSTRUCTING A RESIDENCE, every people PERSON should consider the impact on TOWARD the wildlife habitat, when they want to build a residence

and these impacts minimized THUS, ITS IMPACT CAN BE MINIMIZED.
ilankelo21   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Method utilizing the swing basket and human energy is less effective than using rollers and animals [3]

IELTS TASK 1: two methods of collecting water

The given pictures depict two forms to do in collecting water for irrigation purpose. It can be seen that the method utilizing the swing basket and human energy is less effective than that of the way using both rollers and animals as source of power.

Turning to the first method, at the beginning process, a big hole near the irrigation channel is made to collect water as much as possible, flowing around the irrigation flume. Once having been gathered in enough volume, the water is taken by a basket made of bamboo or leather to be spilled around the provided field so that it can stream directly to irrigation canal.

In contrast to the second approach, a well with about 50-meter depth is built in the soil whose one of its sides has higher level to another one. Irrigation channel then is constructed in the side of well having a lower surface. Afterwards, pulley and roller are installed above the erected irrigation system, complemented with a rope tied to the animal. When the animal moves away from the well, the bucket which has been connected to the tip of the rope will be lifted and then spilled in the top of constructed canal causing the water flow to the irrigation system.




ilankelo21   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - GENERAL VS VOCATIONAL EDUCATION IN SECONDARY SCHOOL [3]

Hi Kylie...what a nice structure your written is, a little bit suggestion from me that you have to be careful to put not only....but also..

In your essay you write NOT ONLY before VERB (ENCOURAGES), it is mean that after BUT ALSO must be followed but VERB as well...
To hinder this grammatical error, I recommend you to put NOT ONLY after VERB (ENCOURAGES). like in the following example.

This trend not only encourages NOT ONLY schools to offer just a few subjects only in terms of future career of students but also secondary students to spend their time acquiring a limited knowledge just to aim at getting a job.

In addition, I think what you elaborate in the second paragraph is not strong enough to convince your opinion. I strongly suggest you to give a related example or evidence.

MY REGARD,
ilankelo21   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 international sale of hybrid car in the 4-year period [NEW]

A breakdown of the number of international sales of hybrid cars, measured in thousand, in three different countries from 2006 to 2009, a four-year period is presented in the bar chart. Overall while Japan experiences a significant increase in their number of hybrid vehicle sale, USA and other countries witness a steady rise.

To begin, Japan is the remarkable country which has a sharp increase in sale of cars using both fuel and electricity as the energy resource. It initially stood at just over 50 thousand in 2006 which was slight higher than other countries in the same year. Afterwards, before having its peak at just over 300 thousand in the last year, making it the highest record in the last year, it showed a gradual increase in three years to back.

Turning to the remaining countries, USA sale of car hybrid initially standing at 250 thousand in 2006, which was comparable as four times as the sales of other countries in the same year, peaked at 350 thousand in 2007, but showed an incline trend in two years to come. While the sale of hybrid automobile of other countries standing at 50 thousand in its first year experienced a steady incline during the period.




ilankelo21   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - BAR CHARTS INFORMATION ON THE GLOBAL SALE HYBRID VEHICLES BEETWEN 2006 AND 2009. [3]

The highest SALE number of new A HIGHLY DEVELOPED car of high develop technologytradefrom WAS united state county and followed by Japanese nation as a runner up. IN THE SECOND PLACE.

Then, in 2007 this IT reached a high ITS PEAK at 350.000, Next, that BUT decreased slowly by 30.000 to 320.000 WITNESSED A SLOW DECREASE AT JUST OVER 300,000 in 2008.

Moreover, BEFORE HAVING A SHARP RISE IN THE LAST PERIOD, IT that increased gradually until 2008, in 2009, it rose significantly by 230.000 to 330.000 in 2009. That was the highest of sale vehicle SALE compared with US ...
ilankelo21   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Inventors are not so essential to society as doctors who save people's lives [2]

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It has been believed that the role of inventors for societies' welfare is not essential as the role of doctors. While other people reckon that doctors have more important role for citizens' interest like inhale the citizen having a hard disease, I tend to argue this notion since many human case is still needed to be developed by inventors these days.

Needless to say, the vital role of doctor for societies cannot be noticed since humans tend to vulnerable gets a severe disease, affected by a bad lifestyle showed by citizens. For example, a cancer, leukemia, and hurt disease are the considerable case faced by human nowadays. Without doctors, the human expectation to live longer is impossible. Regarding to this notion, there is no doubt that the role of doctors is more critical for inhabitant's better life.

However, what is described above is not truly true since many human's issues having been a mystery are not overcome yet. Case in point, cancer and hurt disease is the remarkable killer for human lives and there is still not efficacious method or medicine to tackle this illness. An invention surely is needed to hold so that any solution can be achieved in the future. Aside from that, an invention in human diet also is required to develop due to the fact that many harsh illnesses are coming from food consumed by human.

To sum up, basically doctors have a critical role for the social interest of human like helping the sufferer of a severe disease to get a hope in living longer, However, I tend to argue that the role of inventors are more indispensable for human lives, since many human cases remain mysterious.
ilankelo21   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 the percentage of recruitment of new-graduate students [2]

The given graph refills the percentage of recruitment of new-graduate students choosing two language-teaching jobs in Ontario from 2001 and 2007, a 6-year period. It is noticeable while the first-year English-language teacher witnessed a down trend, the rate of those preferring French-language showed the reverse. In any case, though experiencing a less favorite in the first year, a French-language teaching was the most remarkable job for first-year educational official in the following years.

French-language teaching had a slightly lower trend than an English-language job in the first year which stood at 70%. Even though witnessing a significant fall of 59% in a year to come, it gradually returned its trend starting in 2003 at roughly 68% and reaching its higher record of 75% in the end of the year.

In contrast, an English-language job was more favorable choice for a first-year teacher in 2001. However, this rate fell significantly in the following two years. Though showing a slight increase from in 2005 at just over 40%, it ended by 10% to the lowest level during the end of the year.




ilankelo21   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 the proportion of two surveys in what skills are extremely essential [2]

A breakdown of the proportion of two surveys in what skills are extremely essential for workers in different two years, 1997 and 2006, is presented in the given table. Overall, dealing with people was more favorable skills needed by employees in external communication; while in internal communication, making speech and presentation was considered less preference for working people. In this case, listening carefully and dealing with people were the most important skills required for stuffs in all year.

To begin, dealing with people was the considerable external communication skills for working inhabitants. Its rate stood at 60%, compared more than two times with selling a product or service in 1997. This then was followed a slight increase of 5% in the following 10 years. Meanwhile, selling a product or service showed the least external skills for officials standing at 24% at the first survey, but showing a stead fall to 21% in 2009.

Regarding to internal communication, listening carefully to colleagues was the most remarkable skills required for workers. Its trend was at 38% in 1997 and rose surprisingly by 9% in 10 year to come. On the other hand, making speech or presentation showed the least abilities for working people in which both of records were at 7% and 11% in different year of survey respectively.




ilankelo21   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / GRE Issue essay: Cooperation or competition, which is best to instill leadership in young minds? [5]

HI JVISHAL PERHAPS YOU NEED TO MORE CAREFUL IN USING SEVERAL WORDS SINCE IT SOMETIMES LOOKS INAPPROPRIATE. I SUGGEST YOU TO OPEN DICTIONARY AS YOU CAN TO ENSURE THE WORDS YOU MEAN..

THANKS

... leadership has taken an important position ROLE in ensuring that any country progresses economically, politically and socially ANY COUNTRY CAN DEVELOP ITS ECONOMIC RATE, SOCIAL AND POLITICAL STABILIZATION. Cooperation is not the only quality SKILL that a leader should possess, (...) of the most desirable qualities ABILITIES.

Cooperation between people who have contrasting opinions leads to refinement of ideas.

In the increasingly competitive world, where innovation is the new de facto ...

... who urged cooperation among his peers to BE MORE innovatIVE (because of external competition) has led to MADE Apple being BY FAR the most valuable company of this era.
ilankelo21   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2 - It is believed that a health-based life is hard to be practiced - I would argue with this [2]

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT IN THE MODERN WORLD IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS, HOWEVER, SAY THAT IT IS EASY FOR PEOPLE TO BE HEALTHY AND FIT IF THEY WANT TO.

DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION


It is believed that a health-based life apparently is harder to be practiced since those people believing this reckon that humans tend to have a limited time to prepare a food recommended by doctor and do a regular exercise. However, I am more likely to argue this notion due to the fact that a healthy lifestyle can be achieved as long as we can manage our time well.

A tight schedule inhabitants have force them to live as practice as they can. This is practicable in their daily lives either toward food consumed or transportation used. People in mega city such Jakarta is a proper example to illustrate this issue. Since they have a restricted time, a fast food far under health measurement becomes their daily consume. Besides, various activities they have in the office cost them to never walk into their work place. In addition, a holiday time which is appropriate to hold an exercise, is utilized to take a rest. This, of course, will lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. So, there is no doubt that under-health measurement way of life feels difficult to have these days.

On the other hand, what is described above is not truly true. The sophisticated technology and science is the bridge to live under doctor-recommended way. The outstanding equipment invented can help humans to create such food based of health measurement. Aside from that, the extensive of knowledge the settlers have toward a healthy lifestyle can bring humans to choose the best way to live healthily. The problem inhabitants have is only about how to manage time well and their attention toward a life in a healthy way. In addition, a sport center even has already been provided by government, easing the society to hold an exercise whenever they want. So, there is no reasonable argument to claim that a healthy lifestyle is hard to achieve in current day.

In conclusion, basically a live under health measurement becomes hard to apply in this modern era since humans are too busy with their daily affairs. However, I tend to argue this notion because the problem does not lie to the time humans have, but the awareness of people to live healthily.
ilankelo21   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people say that the parents are the pillar liable to care of they children's healthy lifestyle [4]

MANY CHILDREN THESE DAYS HAVE AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING THIS PROBLEM. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

The cutting-edge science and technology makes human's affairs extremely straightforward to do. This trend not only affects how inhabitants meet their daily needs, but also leads to a way in which children are educated to live practically. This pressing issue, of course, is needed to cope as soon as possible, but it is still questionable who are fully responsible for this case. Many people say parents are pillar who are totally liable for this since they are the first place where children is taught. Aside from that, schools are considered also as the party who are accountable toward this phenomenon due to the fact that many children's time is spent in this place. With several reasons mentioned previously, I am more likely to agree this notion by giving reasonably elaborated argument before any conclusion is achieved.

Needless to say, first educational value given for children is derived from parents. Scholars know to talk, walk, read, write and even meet their daily need independently is starting from parent's role. When parents tend to be careless toward this issues, for example they are too busy with pressing affairs, let their children choose fast food as their primary dines and never invite them to have an exercise, there will be no doubt that a live under health measurement is hard to be practiced by children. In order to cope with this problem, a healthy lifestyle has to be educated since they are still young so that this doctor-recommended life can be children's customs.

Furthermore, schools apparently are the party which responsible for this problem as well since scholars tend to have more activities in schools these days arranging from morning to the afternoon. With this circumstance, a life under health measurement should be instructed and implemented since students are in the basic level. Aside from socializing children how to live healthily, this can be started also by either providing a canteen which fulfills a health standard measurement or instructing them to bring home-prepared food to be consumed in the school. However, once school board tend to be irresponsible for this such as let educating children consume much fast food sold at school and never practice regular sport, this, of course, will lead to children who practice a life far under doctor recommendation.

To sum up, both parents and schools are pillars having more crucial age for children to know about valuable lesson in their lives. So, I would argue that these circumstances are totally responsible for children to live healthily. And to solve unhealthy lifestyle practiced by children today, a basic value of lives under health-measurement should be both educated and implemented in children's lives since they are young.
ilankelo21   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people say that the parents are the pillar liable to care of they children's healthy lifestyle [4]

Thank you Mr. Vangiespen for your suggestion.
Let me fix my introduction first and I hope you can correct my essay.
Here is the following essay which i have fixed its introduction.

MANY CHILDREN THESE DAYS HAVE AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING THIS PROBLEM. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

It is noticeable that children these days tend to live unhealthily. This occurred due to lack of parents and school attention toward children's way of live. I am more likely to argue this notion since both of them are by far the most considerable time used by scholars.

Needless to say, first educational value given for children is derived from parents. [...]
ilankelo21   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 information about how heat is released and energy is used [2]

The given picture describes the information about how heat is released and energy is used due to the house of installed circulation system. It is noticeable that the cottage is cooler as the amount of air leaking into is greater than that of wind leaking out.

According to the data, the place where the wind is blowing into consists of various forms. Window, door, electrical outlet, ventilation, and dryer vent are the considerable spot where the air can get into. This makes the temperature in the house colder and the energy used to create a tolerable atmosphere is tiny.

To make a balance temperature, the house has been installed some attic hatch on the ceiling. Aside from that, the cottage also is complemented with bathroom fan vent, plumbing stock vent, and two recessed lights. This will be benefit when summer comes in which the heat can be released through the installed tools. However, all air circulations are closed which result in that house temperature is warmer.




ilankelo21   
Jan 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: The percentage of teachers recruitment by year of graduation in Ontario [5]

Hi Afla good Job...
If you do not mind I am going to give an an alternative introduction form.
Here is in this following sentence.

A BREAKDOWN OF PERCENTAGE OF RECRUITMENT OF BOTH ENGLISH AND FRENCH TEACHERS BASED ON GRADUATION YEAR BETWEEN 2001 AND 2007, A SIX-YEAR PERIOD IN ONTARIO, IS PRESENTED IN THE LINE GRAPH. OVERALL, THOUGH THE FIGURE SHOWED A NARROW-DOWN TREND IN THE FIRST YEAR, A LARGE DIFFERENCE WAS WITNESSED IN THE END OF THE PERIOD.
ilankelo21   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 a wind turbine used to generate electricity [3]

The diagram shows a layout on how a wind turbine used to generate electricity and two possible spots where turbine can be installed.

According to the data, there are several parts required to construct a wind turbine. Steel power must be the main component of wind turbine construction as its function to support other important devices and it is established vertically. Another one is a wind sensor which exactly is put above the steel tower. With control of computer in the small building under the turbine, this functions to manage the speed and direction of the blades. To produce electricity, blades made of fiberglass or wood is installed in the front of part of the wind sensor. When winds blows, the blades will work and produce heat which will be converted by a generator inside the wind sensor to be electricity up to 1.5 megawatts.

There are two proper places to build a wind turbine. Shoreline is usually the appropriate area since the wind rapidity resulted is high. However, in the evening, it seems that it cannot work in the maximum due to the fact that the air blowing from the continent is hinder by the high hill. To cope with this problem, another wind turbine is placed on the hill, so that the power produced is satisfied. Then it is generated to be electricity up to 100 kilowatts in domestic turbine.




ilankelo21   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 proportion of happiness pace for married and unmarried American-inhabitants [3]

A breakdown of proportion of happiness pace for married and unmarried American-inhabitants and the influence of children towards the blissfulness of married couples is presented in the given charts. Overall, it can be seen that more American people are happy when they have got married. In this case, there is no significant difference between US-settlers who have children and those having nothing toward the happiness issues.

According to data, the figures for inhabitants in marriage are considerably higher than that of the single person statistics. A group of ages between 18 and 24 year-old comes to the first record at 45%, compared to as two folds as the pace of same group of age in unmarried people. Then this figure is followed by adult and elderly inhabitants at 44% and 40% respectively. Meanwhile, the figures for citizens having not married are averagely under 30% in which people aged more than 65 is the first rate at 34% and the remaining group figures are coming behind at just under 22% consecutively.

Looking at more detail, family with children under 18 year-old is recorded as the happiest persons at 44%. However, this trend looks insignificant since the difference between this group and family without children only by 1%. Then the couple with above-18-year-old children comes behind at 41%, making it by far the lowest rate among others.




ilankelo21   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Essay about encouraged young people to work or travel between studies [4]

HI Wiwin...after reading your essay I think your introduction is not relevant enough. You should point out what the question means and do not forget to state clearly your opinion towards the case. Here I give an example.

Many young people tend to engage in working or holding traveling for some years. Instead of many benefits to gain like valuable work experiment and the extensive understanding in real life, I am more likely to argue that being an employee or traveler brings more demerits such as less enthusiasm to college and tendency to live without goals.
ilankelo21   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - the happiness rate of American based on their marriage status [3]

HI Aflah let me give you another form in your introduction.

The bar charts illustrate the SURVEY OF the happiness rate PACE of American based on their marriage status and generation CHILDREN THEY HAVE which is resulted from a survey AND THIS are IS measured in percentage. Overall, it is noticeable that people who have married are happier than unmarried citizens. It can also be seen that IN ANY CASE, there is no significant effect of having children TOWARDS THE RATE OF HAPPINESS.
ilankelo21   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Own business has more benefits for inhabitants as people can determine their own effort [3]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

It is becoming more popular that many people tend to be recruited in one company. This is due to a common problem occurred around them such as a high risk to be bankrupt and lack of fund they need to start business. However, I tend to argue that starting own business has more benefits for inhabitants as they have no restriction to lead where their enterprise concerns and train them to be more creative.

For those proponents of this notion believe that one of drawbacks of starting own enterprise is a high risk to be bankrupt. This occurred as they do not have a great experience regarding with business. And they are afraid to be unsuccessful. Taking new graduate university students for example, most of them prefer to look for job instead of creating own income. When asking why they take this choice, 85% of the answer is lack of experiment and a high risk to be bankrupt, says Widodo, an economics professor from Semarang State University. Besides, the donations which help them kick their effort of are limited. If this is forced, there will not be impossible a debt from bank or other fund institutions has to be taken. And this, of course, makes the entrepreneur difficult to develop as the income will be used to pay the debt.

However, what is described above is not truly true since engaging in entrepreneurship has more advantages. One which can be taken into account is the independence in determining what field will be focused on without being interfered by any pillars. And this will make people flexible to take any policy related with their effort such changing from electronic goods concern to stationary if the exchange of money are predictable. Aside from that, by taking a part in own business can make society more creative as they are required to think out of the box. Also the income will be received is controlled by themselves which make them have many choices to utilize the resulted profit.

In conclusion, basically starting own business has disadvantages like the risk to be bankrupt and the limited budget required. While I am more likely to say that its benefits is more crucial since people can determine their own effort, be more creative, and the revenue they receive is determined by the entrepreneur themselves.
ilankelo21   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 having a job prior entering to university has many benefits [5]

SOME SUGGEST THAT YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE A JOB FOR A FEW YEARS BETWEEN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY. DISCUSS WHAT ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES MIGHT BE FOR PEOPLE WHO DO THIS.

Some people say that having a job prior entering to university has many benefits like getting valuable experience regarding with working atmosphere and being more creative in solving problems. However, I am more likely to argue that its demerits are more crucial due to the fact that this will lead students less focus on his education and the payment during working is unsuitable with their expectation.

It cannot be denied that choosing to break and getting a job before continuing study in university has many benefits for teenagers. First, students will gain more priceless lesson which they will not obtain during studying in college. This valuable experience makes them more mature in facing any problem they have and tend to be wisely toward times and money expenditure. Besides, a creative thinking will be another value grasped by young people since they are used to think out of the box during in the working time.

With regard to positive impacts explained above, being an employee after graduating from senior high school has crucial drawbacks instead. The most remarkable one is the inclination for students to not focus on their academic affairs. This is because of what students get from workplace especially income, influence them to give their attention to study up. Aside from that, the salary they get from being employee is not satisfied since they have a low-education qualification.

To sum up, being a worker after graduating from high school basically has advantages like worth understanding, and capability to think innovatively. However, I tend to claim that its drawbacks have more crucial for youngsters such as less enthusiasm toward study and the low salary they receive.
ilankelo21   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media needs to air a program reporting ordinary people which has more value for everyone [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, media have a pivotal role for inhabitants since they display some information needed by country-settlers. However, what is portrayed on electronic media is only program which more expose an actress or a well-known football player. Due to its educational value, I more likely to argue that media needs to air a program reporting ordinary people which have more valuable lesson to be benefit by humans.

Displaying a phenomenal issue regarding famous persons is the predominant program chosen by most publicists. This is because many spectators can be gained from this program. Taking an outstanding football player, David Beckham, for example, since he has more fans, news-corporation displaying about him experience many advantages like the increase of program rating and financial matters. Aside from that, this program apparently can satisfy for several viewers who really want the news about their idols.

However, those electronic media seemingly only more focus on how to earn money as much possible without thinking the worth and value the program consists. This sometime leads to unqualified media which only make society more foolish. Today is the time to more focus on reporting unremarkable people. Though they are not famous enough, many lesson learned can be obtained by showing them to society. Case in point, Shubert Mwarabu, a 29-year-old environmental activist toward ivory trade in Tanzania has inspired many people around the world to tackle illegal elephant hunting.

To sum up, showing famous persons basically has advantages for not only the media corporation but also for spectator who really need the information regarding with their idols. However, I tend to claim that this will not bring educational values which benefited by society. Therefore a program showing unremarkable inhabitants is required to be focus on.
ilankelo21   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The happiness of people with "married" status is clearly greater than another in the all age group [2]

... in particular the blissfulness of PEOPLE who have married ...
... people with married status is clearly greater than another in the all age group OTHER GROUPS OF AGES IN DIFFERENT CATEGORIES .
In any case, the factors of gratefulness, which are ...
(IN ANY CASE, CHILDREN WILL NOT BE A DETRIMENTAL FACTOR TOWARD THE GRATEFULNESS RATE FOR AMERICAN)
ilankelo21   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / People are extremely straightforward in creating a close relationship and maintain it in a good way [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As communication tools have been developed well, citizens are extremely straightforward in creating a close relationship and maintain it in a good way. Some people reckon that the cutting-edge communication equipment leads to a worst relationship between country-settlers as physical meeting is never occurred. However, I tend to argue this notion due to the fact that the existence of advanced electronic-media tightens human's correlation by providing them an easy way to keep and build their relationship.

It is avoidable that communication devices like smart phone, bridge inhabitants to communicate whenever they want. Humans are not required to meet directly to person whom they want to see. However, it seems that this will lead to less close relationship between citizens as they never hold a physical meeting. Taking Eid Mubarak and Christmas event for example, since advanced-communication tools have been popular among societies, they are more likely to give their intention up in meeting their relatives and rely on electronic media to keep in touch with them. This, of course, result in unfriendly personal relationship between country-settlers.

What is described above does not seem truly true since media make people easy to have a communication instead. This is will be more beneficial when people have tight activities which force them to possess a restricted time in meeting their relatives. Case in point, working settlers in a big company apparently look hard to meet their friends or relatives in particular time. However, with state-of-the-art communication tools this is more likely not to be a big problem since workers can keep in touch whenever they want.

All in all, electronic media apparently widen human relationship as they never have private contact. However, I am more likely to argue this notion since human's link can be tightened instead by utilizing such sophisticated social networking tools.
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel [3]

HI Fina..Event though you already present a scientific proof, I think you lack explanation in the second paragraph. It is better you more elaborate why you say that colour does not affect human feeling? what factor influences and it then is supported by your empirical proof.

It does not completely influencE performance of worker.

... reported in January 2015 STIPULATES that the improvement of patients' recovery ...
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Manufacturers and retail companies use colour as an effective way to attract the number of customers [2]

HI Fina..i am going to give you another form of introduction

In order to attract more customers, an influenced-colour choice is utilized by some manufactures and retails. Even though some people say colour strongly affect great deal of customers on purchasing decision as it makes people more comfortable staying longer, I am more likely to argue that an interesting package and affordable price considerably influence the rate of sales instead.
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 whether internet is the best means to search information or not [NEW]

It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is avoidable that the sophisticated internet provides people to find information easily since it accommodates some information humans need. While many inhabitants reckon that it is inappropriate device to search related info due to all figures provided is untruth, I am more likely to believe this is the recommended place to search information instead since users are given chance as extensive as possible to gain the data they want.

The opponents who said that internet is not proper way to quest information claims that most figures in the internet are invalid as many irresponsible parties upload the doubtful data. Taking students accessing Google for example, when seeking information on the internet by typing a any keyword, all data emerged on the screen are unreliable and even without attaching the related source of information. Thus, the internet is considered as the improper way to quest data.

However, I tend to argue the cutting-edge internet actually is the best means instead to access any figures required. The easiness to find data as extensive as country-settlers can makes the internet the most recommended tools of information searchers. Many trusted websites are available on the internet like proquest.com, seage.com, Journal Cambridge.org, BBC.Com, National Geographic.com and etc. Internets users only type some particular keywords and all trusted figures are seen on the computer screen. The internet, therefore, is the best method in finding any information.

To sum up, even though internet sometimes is considered as the worst method to find info since it consists of many fake figures, I am more likely to argue the internet is the appropriate method to search any data as extensive as people can. Therefore, to find any trusted information, users are required to type particular keyword leading directly to the source of related information needed.
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colors come to manufactures and retail companies' goods in order to attract purchasers [3]

Hi Saputera, what such a brilliant idea, however you need to give a more detailed elaboration to support your scientific findings.
Good Job...

Colors play a prominent role in encouraging people to purchase goods because some cohorts of ages easily are EASILY affected by using A specific color USED. Eva Meizara Puspita dewi, a well known Indonesian Psychologist, takes children as a sample which is bound to be attracted by using toys which have bright colors. (LACK OF EXPLANATION/ YOU NEED TO MORE ELABORATE BY ADDRESSING SUPPORTING IDEA)
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Color has tendency to alter human's mood [2]

Color has A tendency to alter human's mood. In any case, this influence people HEALTH recovery their health in hospital or improve their capacity in TO work.

... because other factors likely SEEMINGLY have a huge impact on this area.
... the effect of the color in human's health is depended DEPENDS on the people's perception about such color.
... the same color will have different A DISTINCTIVE effect in A different person.

... idea that claim color will encourage employees to work hardly is tendS to be weak SINCE employees ...
In my office in Kalla Company, Human Research ...
(I THINK YOUR EXAMPLE GIVEN IS LESS CORRELATED TOWARD YOUR MAIN IDEA IN THIS PARAGRAPH, I SUGGEST YOU TO ADDRESS ANOTHER EXAMPLE LIKE WHY WORKERS IMPROVEMENT ARE NET BOUND WITH COLOR CHOICE IN THE OFFICE)
ilankelo21   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TAS 1 a plenty of travel makers utilizing three main airports in New York City [2]

A breakdown of a plenty of travel makers utilizing three main airports in New York City from 1995 to 2000, a five-year period is illustrated in the bar chart and it is measured in millions. Overall it is noticeable that all airports showed an upward trend. In this case, while the LaGuardia was by far the most favorite airports for visitors, a less preference was shown in the remaining.

To begin, there was a considerable rise for LaGuardia visitors. The figure stood at 35 million in 1995, compared as two folds as Network pace. This then witnessed a gradual incline from 1996 to 1999 before achieving its peak at 68 million in the end of the period. Furthermore, a significant rise was seen on Network guesses between 1995 and 1997, but the data remained stable in the following three years.

Turning to John F. Kennedy airport, the data had a fluctuation trend during the period. It initially experienced the second favorite choice among visitors and this achieved its peak at 49 millions in two years later. However, from 1997 to 1999 showed considerable decline of 19 million, yet it turned back to around 45 million in the end of the year.




ilankelo21   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - What people wear is the indicator of person personality or not [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


A way of wearing clothes has become an important issue for people these days. While some inhabitants reckon that appearance is not detrimental factor to determine someone personality, I a more like to argue the character of person is determined by what they are wearing. Both views will be discussed in this following essay before any conclusion is achieved.

Those who said that people dress is not the key factor to judge someone's behavior have several reasons. First, there is no correlation between the way people dressing and their characters. Taking a corrupt government official for example, their physical appearances seemingly indicate that they are good person, yet what is seen looks contrast when they are indicted as the criminal by the police. Another one is that some great people frequently tend to have a humble behavior among public by wearing a simple uniform. It is thus that what people dress cannot be the main assessment to judge person.

Apart from previous discussion, I am seemingly tending to argue that someone personality is determined by the way they dress. One of the reasonable arguments to say this is inhabitants use a simple fashion are more likely to have a low-self esteem. This has been supported by a current study conducted by Zuckerman, 1991, stipulating that poor physical appearance leads to a lowered opinion by others, which, logically, leads to lower popularity, and, lack of popularity may undermine self-esteem and self-confidence. This is no doubt that someone character can be determined by the way they dress.

To conclude, it is avoidable that judging someone personality is extremely hard as all indication appeared does not decided what people behave. However I am more likely to argue that citizen characters can be known by observing the clothes they use, indicating particular character inhabitants have. Therefore, to uncover someone personality, a further observation is required to do.
ilankelo21   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand [2]

A breakdown of information about the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand in two different years, both 2003 and 2013 is presented in the pie chart. Overall, while film or music showed by far the most significant increase, the reverse was witnessed in the cloth figure.

To begin, there was a remarkable rise in film online sales. Though it was less favored in 2003, lower than the sale of travel, it experienced the significant rise by 12% in ten years later. Furthermore, book retail which was initially the lowest figure, it interestingly showed a slight incline to 22% in the following 10 years.

In contrast, the data of travel and clothes experienced a considerable decline over the period. The travel sales initially stood at 36%, accounted for by far the most favorite retail among others in 2003, but in the 10 years to come, it showed a converse trend by declining to 29%. Next, the figure of clothes had similar trend with the former, standing as the second highest pace in 2003, yet this experienced considerable decrease by 8%, making it the lowest figure in 2013.




ilankelo21   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Pie Fish production starts from delivering, clean and manufacturing, and wrapping [2]

The given picture elucidates the production process of pie fish. At first glance, it can be seen that the process consists of three phases, starting from delivering, clean and manufacturing, and wrapping. In this following essay all these processes will be described in detail.

In the first step, potatoes and salmon fish are delivered into the factory. This delivering process has different length in some extent. To keep fish remained fresh, its sending process has to spend less than 12 hours, while potatoes can be sent in a month as this round white vegetable can survive longer. When moving to the second phase, both salmon and potatoes are cleaned. In this time, disposal materials from fish are classified, while potatoes are pealed then sliced into several thinner parts in the provided machine. When salmon fish have already been poured with peas and sauce, potatoes come as the last material. It is thus it can be seen that the compound of fish pie is peas, fish, sauce and potato.

Turning the wrapping process, the pie fish which are derived from manufacturing process then are wrapped by using wrap machine for particular time. Before storing in the box, the wrapped pie fish are frozen to secure the food from existing bacteria and keep them remain longer.




ilankelo21   
Feb 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASk 2: Computer can easily do all the basic and advanced calculations [3]

Nowadays, computer plays crucial PIVOTAL role in facilitating ...
I believe that focusING on learning basic mathematics is ...

HI Swara
To make this essay more attractive to read, I think you are required to address an argument which says that the need of advanced computer technology in training pupils' basic account ability although basically you tend to agree the children need more time to learn basic mathematics .

Keep fighting :)
ilankelo21   
Feb 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2 More people suffering health problems are caused by a fast food consumption [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion


It is believed that consuming too much fast food will result in high rate of disease suffered by inhabitants. While others believed this notion, I would argue less exercise is another factor needed to take into account. To cope with this a pressing issue, not only a higher tax should be implemented, but also guiding promoted by government on society to have a regular exercise is highly acceptable.

It cannot be denied that eating more fast food will lead to many serious sickness faced by inhabitants as this food contains more chemical ingredients which is not good for health. A current study conducted by WHO showed that many citizens suffering many health problems these days are mainly caused by unhealthy food they consume in their daily lives.This outcome of this study indicates that a great health problems suffered by city-settlers is highly connected with much fast food humans consume.

Aside from previous discussion, I am more likely to reckon that a lack of exercise held by inhabitants is another detrimental factor influencing this trend. A new finding conducted by British health government informed that many British-settlers have a less time to do regular sport. This phenomenon creates high obesity rate which highly results in some serious diseases. It is thus lack of exercise is another factor influencing human health problem.

In order to tackle this problem, besides a high fast-food tax whose aim to decrease the number of people consuming unhealthy meal, a regular exercise should be promoted by government as well, so that the awareness of inhabitants to do more exercise becomes greater which finally contribute to decrease a health problem encountered by human beings.

To conclude, it is avoidable that fast food has pivotal role in reducing health quality of people. However, I am more likely to argue that less exercise is another important factor needed to take into consideration. Therefore, both a high tax for fast food and government promotion of regular exercise on inhabitants should be applied to cope with this problem.
ilankelo21   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / WIND TURBINES - how can be constructed and then activated by the wind if located in a proper place [8]

Hi Linda it is apparently that you have to attach the source of image of your essay first.
After reading your essay, I think your essay lacks of supporting argument and I am afraid that this does not achieve more than 150 words . I suggest you to work hard prior to real test.

The diagrams illustrate how wind turbine can be constructed which can be activated by wind and show possible place where it can be placed in different location . Overall, although wind turbines ...

Then, generator is located below ofTHE wind sensor..........

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