Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Electricity Generation in Germany in 3 decades; nuclear rose dramatically [4]

A breakdown of the information about source of generating electricity in Germany is depicted in the pie chart. It is measured in units between 1980 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that, nuclear rose dramatically, while natural gas witnessed a sharp decline over 3-decade period.

With regards to the three highest resources of electricity generation, in 1980, nuclear stood at 20 units, while coal and petroleum started at 28 and 22 units respectively. In the next 3 decades, the usage of nuclear as an energy grew sharply to the top of 155 units, while petroleum experienced a slight growth and coal remained unchanged. In addition, after 30 years, all sources of producing electrical energy doubled to roughly 107 units.

Concerning to the other two sources of electricity production, natural gas generated 28 units, while hydro only produced 7 units. Thirty years later, 2010 witnessed a tremendous plunge to the lowest level of natural gas usage. In the same year, hydro saw a significant decline to the identical number of source usage, at approximately 2 units.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Living alone is an essential issue recently [4]

Hi EF members! :)

Please give me some relevant feedback about Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar on this visual writing.

Question:
In recent times, many people are making the decision to live
alone.
What are the causes of this?
Does it have positive or negatives effects on society?
Answer:

In the past, living alone became a weird matter, but many people are accustomed to it nowadays. This becomes a recent updated issue in which this matter relates to some folk who decided to live by themselves. However, I would argue that there are two main causes of this problem, while it is also followed by several advantages and disadvantages, particularly its effect on other inhabitants.

With regards to the causes of staying unmarried, firstly, it is because of poor economic condition. This forces them to think twice about bonding a relationship or marry someone. For instance, a recent survey in Cambridge University has revealed that 69% of individuals with low or no income prefer to live alone. As a consequence, they will only think about how to survive than marry someone. Secondly, either poor or rich, both of them are not interested in marriage. They think that marriage will become an unwanted burden, for example. This results in the increasing number of unmarried humans. Thus, those two main reasons why dwellers decided to live alone.

Concerning to the demerits of living alone towards the society, first of all, it triggers bad impression from the citizens, such as gossiping. Second of all, this person will not have any son or daughter who can take care of himself, especially when he ill. Meanwhile, the merits of staying unmarried will convey good impression from the society, like their care. Another merit is they can remain creative or even develop themselves. For example, they can pursue their career to the highest level in which they can also devote their time to do some charity to increase the economic condition of some citizens.

In conclusion, the aforementioned evidence reveals that, dwellers are decided to live alone by several reasons. On the other hand, I would firmly argue that there are some positive and negative effects towards the society. Hence, I recommend that people are better to keep their descendants.

Writing Feedback / The information about the United States of America dwellers consuming energy by fuel [2]

A breakdown of the information about the United States of America dwellers in consuming energy by fuel in quadrillion units from 1980 to 2030 is depicted in the line graph. Overall, the most obvious pieces of information are that, despite some fluctuations, Petrol and Oil fuel is the highest fuel amidst all other fuels, which then the market trend showed the gradual growth of all fuels over a 26-year period. It is also estimated that in the next 14 years the consumption will be rise gradually.

To begin with, the largest starting point was petrol and oil at roughly 35 units in 1980, while natural gas and coal started at approximately 20 and 15 quadrillion units respectively. Nuclear, Solar/Wind, and Hydropower stood at the same point, at approximately 3 quadrillion units. Then, Coal, Nuclear, Solar/Wind, and Hydropower showed a gradual growth since the beginning until 1990, whereas natural gas, and petrol and oil indicated a dramatic drop.

With regards to the future estimation for the fuels, Nuclear, Solar/Wind, and Hydropower will remain unchanged in the next 14 years, while the rest will witness a gradual growth. Petrol and oil, natural gas, and coal are going to increase moderately until the end of the period. In the end of the period, petrol and oil is going to reach its peak, at nearly 50 quadrillion units.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The reasons and the solutions of the children's lack of attention in class [2]

Hello guys! :)

Please give me some relevant feedback about Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar on this visual writing.

Question:
These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school.

What are the reasons for this?
How can it be dealt with?

Answer:

A huge number of children experience some obstacles in yielding their concentration and attention inside the classroom activity at school recently. In my point of view, this is because an abuse in the advancement of technology. However, although technological development brings detrimental effects towards the children, the role of the teacher is crucial to be appeared as a solution.

Dealing with some factors which cause the lack of attention and focus of the children, the main cause is the abuse in the enhancement of technology. Firstly, the excessive usage of this cutting-edge technology makes the children addicted, for instance, Smartphones and laptops. This distracts their concentration when they are studying inside the class. Secondly, the abuse of technological development triggers the children to forget the time, for example, they are still using it even inside the classroom activity. As a consequence, the amount of attention span is declining. Hence, it can be seen that, those are the reasons why children lost their interest inside the class.

However, with regards to this hurdle, teacher holds an essential role by implementing some strict rules towards the children. First of all, the teacher should prohibit the children to bring such gadgets inside the classroom activity. This results in the enhancement in children's concentration towards the explanation of the teacher. Second of all, the teacher should manage the class as interactive as possible, so the children do not have time to utilize their gadgets due to the fact that games and social networks inside the gadgets will distract their focus in class. Therefore, the teacher should be as creative as possible to handle the problem in the class.

In conclusion, the children's lack of attention and focus in the class are now becoming a recent matter. I would firmly argue that it is because of an inappropriate use of technological advancement. Thus, the teacher plays an important role to solve this problem by applying some strict rules inside the class. In addition, I recommend to all teachers to do the same action.