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Posts by Wolf Larsen
Name: Victor
Joined: Feb 18, 2016
Last Post: Dec 28, 2016
Threads: -
Posts: 127  
Likes: 47
From: Canada
School: UBC

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Wolf Larsen   
Dec 28, 2016
Undergraduate / The cues of the Yoruba, Igbo and the western culture. MIT Cultural Background Essay [7]

Hello

Your text will sound much better (stylystically) if you apply the following adjustments to it:

Nigeria has [...]There are over 250 ethinic groups in Nigeria, with my family beloning to one of them.
mum [...] Mum.... delta [...] Delta...
We are [...] belong to the...

Our foods [...] You should describe these foods briefly...
western [...] Western...
the most important [...] This should be the begining of a new sentence.
Christians [...] Christian (?)...
I am grateful [...] for the fact that my parents were able to support and train me...
this exposure [...] prompted me to learn...

Other than that your text seems Ok. You should simply shorten some longer sentences in it and the word-number will be kept under 100. I hope this will help. regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people face the imbalance of their life and work. [2]

Hello

There are no major issues with your text. However, you should consider rewriting some parts of the sentences as suggested below. (This will make the text sound better).

many people [...] they often face... of their life and work-life [...] betweern their private lives and their professional responsibilities.
type of life we want to live [...] lifestyle that they want to pursue.
If they do not design their life [...] make proper choices in life, it will prove rather challenging for them to aspire for social prominence.
They will never find a quality [...] be able to enjoy life to its fullest.
workers should balance [...] look into ensuring that their intellectual and emotional sides are balanced as well.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Knowing and learning other language, beside your mother language, brings several benefits for brain [2]

Hello

Your text will sound much better if you reformulate some of the sentences as follows:

Knowing and Learning [...] a foreign language is believed to be very beneficial for one's brain.
The speaker said [...] It is commonly assumed that...
or learn bilingual (multilingual) [...] some other language.
hemispheres while adults...(this statement is incorrect).
Having [...]Being fluent in...
children and adults.
The children or adult learning ... [...] Those children and adults who know more than one language will...

and this will help them [...] not to succumb to a number of different neurological diseases, such as dementia.
Although it is not make us smarter [...]one's proficiency in a foreign language will not make him or her smarter...

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Developing on Human Genetic Research [2]

Hello

I applied some corrections to your text so that it sounds better. They are as follows:

The genetic [...] genes...
especially which determined [...] because it determines one's...
This genetic [...]One's genome is responsible for defining the concerned person's ability to withstand diseases.
important for people [...] specialists...
to indigenize genome sequencing because it is commonly the genome sequencing [...] this senstence doesn't make much sense - you should consider removing it.
sequencer, which [...] has been developed recently by...
genetic research, [...] intended to help the representatives of minorities to enjoy healthyness.
this approach is [...]in [...] science...

I hope this will help. You should try keeping your sentences shorter - it'll make them much more intelligable. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every crime has been decided to various categories of people. Fixed punishment essay [2]

Hello... I'm sorry to say this, but most sentences in your text sound a bit awkward. It's quite clear what you're trying to say. However, it is also clear that the text has been written by someone who is not very well versed in English. In the future, you should try keeping the sentences as short and straight to the point as possible. Try making sure that there are smooth transitions between sentences. You should also read more in this language to get a better hang of it. Here are some examples as to how your sentences could be fixed:

Every crime [...]It is believed that some categories of people are more predisposed towards committing a crime than others.
People think [...] Another common assumption in this respect is that every unsolved crime contains clues as to the culprit's ethnocultural identity.
In contrast [...] However, such a view of crime does not make much of a sense. The reason for this is that, as practice shows, different people seem to be driven by the different sets of motivations while committing essentially the same crime.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Raising a global technology has helped people to work more efficient [2]

Hello

Most of your sentences need to be rewritten so that they sound better (stylistically) and make more sense. Here are some suggestions:

Raising a [...] [i]The ongoing progress in the domain of global technology made it possible for people to spend their time much more wisely.
Somepeople argue [...]that this mostly benefits employers and not the ordinary workers.
This essay [...] In this essay, I will argue that the mentioned idea does not make much sense.
why raising a high-tech [...] why the rise of hi-tech technologies...
This is mainly [...] The reason for this is that while taking full advantage of technology, employees are able to manage their time much more efficiently.

While working [...] For example, technology makes it possible for people to stay in constant touch with their friends and coworkers, without having to travel to see them in person.

I'm sure you'll be able to fix the rest of the text on your own. Try to make sentences shorter until you get a better hang of English. I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The electronic media make access to communicate with other people. It's good for mutual relations [2]

Hello

Your text could use being refined stylistically so that it sounds better:

advancecommunication technology [...] appears to have a negative effect on people's ability to pursue interpersonal relationships.
I disagree with this notionassumption [...] because technology helps people to stay in close touch with each other.
severalsome people...electronic mediadevices... [...] cause individuals to stay preocupied with using these gadgets for sending each other messages.
Certainly focus [...]However, it is not because of technology that some people tend to ignore their close friends and relatives.
not only in mediavirtual reality, but...
It has happened [...] The reason for this is that we do not allow our electronic gadgets to control us.
make accessiblyit easier to...
sand [...] send...
make me to do not visit Surabaya [...] spare me from the nessesity to visit Surabaya.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Problems of crime rise and how to solve those [2]

Hello

Your text could be improved if you apply the following adjustments to it:

which bother [...] endanger...
year by year. [...] each year.
In this article [...] paper...
I will explain about [...] outline [...] several reasons...
points of view of [...]on [...] this...
especially crime. [...] no need for this.
InOn the other...
even some of them shrink from their religion. [...]with some of them turning to atheism.
When someone is far [...] Those people who do not believe in God have no moral restrictions, whasoever.
are difficult to get the opportunities. [...] experience dificulties while trying to advance in life.
to reach their life .[...]to be able to attain social prominence.
which becomes a habit in government internal. [...] affects goverbmental officials

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Celebrities in News - Agree/Disagree [2]

Hello

There are a few stylistic mishaps in your text. It will sound much better if you apply the following adjustments to it:

Up to the present time [...] Nowadays...
media prefer preaching [...] tend to praise...
report [...] no need for this word.
I am more likely to against this notion [...] I do not quite agree...
entertains more than people in common [...] this part doesn't make much sense.
It is because [...] The reason for this is that...
has [...] have...
a unique sense [...] sense of what?
Most of television...
owing to more entertainment, [...]to the considerations of enterntainment...
another main reason...
media has toshould prefer...
is thatfamous individuals can be role models...
It is because [...] it's better to remove this sentence... it's redundant and poorly constructed.

The rest seems Ok more or less. I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children spent most of time at school and home which should be influential in terms of healthy life. [2]

Hello

Your text is easy to understand. However, a few sentences in it could use being readjusted (for stylistic reasons):

most of children [...] do not give much thought about leading a healthy lifestyle.
Place where they study and get education [...] It is up to parents and teachers to address the situation in this respect.
I agree [...] that this suggestion does make much sense.
Unhealthy lifestyle [...] is primarily concerned with the affiliated individuals consuming junk food.
Pupils tend to [...] spend long hours at school...
Taking data [...] Let us take the data from...
The information [...] According to this research...
they also eat not hygiene food [...] eat food that is not good for their health.
As a result [...]their health continues to deteriorate.
It is because children [...] I'm not sure as to what you're trying to say in this sentence.
These close people [...] what 'close people'? Did you mean 'relatives'?
and keep them [...] in shape.

I'm sure you will be able to readjust the rest of the sentences on your own. I suggest you spend more time reading in English - this will help you constructing properly structured sentences. For now, you should consider keeping them as short as possible. I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Water in the sea increases and even surpass all limits. Problem Solution as Impact of Climate Change [2]

Hello

I have a few remarks, regarding your text:

1. Many of your sentences are little too long. You should consider breaking them in half - this will make your writing much more comprehensible.
2. The word 'human/humans' is mostly used in biological contexts, like when we talk about how people have evolved from monkeys, for example. You should avoid using this word in social contexts (humans have to built dam '. Instead, you should consider using such words as 'people', 'persons', individuals', citizens', 'residents', etc.

3. Your text contains many poorly constructed sentences, like the following: 'several areas are covered by the large amount of water . 'Amount' is an abstract term - you can use it when describing something, but not when establishing a cause-effect context.

4. You should do a better job ensuring smooth transitions between the parts of your sentences.

Other than that, the text is easy to understand. Good job. I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many countries have regulation to not allow their citizens to smoke in public areas [2]

Hello

I applied some adjustments to your text so that it sounds better. They are as follows:

Many countries [...] have regulations that forbid people to smoke in public places.
I would agree [...] think this indeed does make much sense, because of the well-established negative effects of second-hand smoking.
Generally [...] it's really hard to tell what you're trying to say in this sentence.
It is believed [...] that people should try to inhale clean air so that their respiratory system functions normally.
has found [...]that 78% of oxygen comes into one's lungs through breathingI'm not sure if you want to keep this sentence - no need to conduct research only to find out that people need to breathe...

As a result [...] Smoking cigarettes complicates the situation rather substantially.
Moreover [...]the criminalization of smoking in public places...
it makescausesthem to consider quitting.
introduced the regulation [...] that bans smoking and it did prove very effective - the number of people who smoke in public places has been reduced by 65%.

It gives us [...]this sentences is redundant and it doesn't make much sense.
rule [...] role (?)

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Almost all families at present are small - not as the same as in the past, when families were larger [2]

Hello

Your text is understandable, but some of the sentences sound little awkward. Check the applied corrections below:

Almost families [...] Nowadays, most people prefer to create small families - contrary to what it used to be the case in the past.
Small family [...] There are both: advantages and disadvantages to such a way of acting.
I think [...] There are two main benefits to having a small family.
and sons get good condition about education, health, ect. [...] you should consider removing this part of the sentence... it's redundant and poorly constructed.
Next , [...] Also, parents in small families are more likely to be well-off, because they have more time on their hands to earn money.
Beside [ ...] There are, however, some disadvantages to the concerned family-creating strategy, as well.

You should be able to take care of the rest of the text on your own. Consider reading some articles in English written by native speakers - you need to get a better 'feel' of the language.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is advice that teenagers should reach a job before continuing to study in school or university [2]

Hello

Your text will sound much more professionally written if you apply the following adjustments to it:

There are [...] Some people believe that teenagers should apply for a job, before...
before studying [...] should indeed prove very useful.
It is clear that [...] you should consider breaking this sentence in two to make it more intelligible.
Based on my experience [...] teenagers will benefit in a number of different ways from being employed.
Besides [...] It will also make it much easier for them looking for a job in the future.
On the other hand [...] being employed may cause teenagers to assume that there is no need for them to continue with their studies. In its turn, this will make it make harder for them to be able to attain social prominence when adults.

Those all [...] there is no need for the next two sentences - they are redundant and poorly constructed .
some teenagers [...]will indeed be able to benefit from having a job...

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Young Malawian Boy Build a Windmill [3]

Hello

Your text will sound much better if you apply the following adjustments to it:

Wind is [...] the alternative source of energy.
This energy [...] There are more advantages to this energy than disadvantages.
For intense [...] instance [...]
generate [...] electrical power...
He invented [...] this gadget in the aftermath of having read a science book.
he made [...] conducted a few experiments, which has led him to consider altering the structure of a conventional windmill.
fortree [...]three[...] times...
then it was assembly [...] this part of the sentence doesn't make much sense - one needs to assemble a machine prior to testing it.

electric [...] enough electricity to run four...
In age [...] At the age of...
Next plan [...] he is planning to build a hydro-power plant...

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - How to see the thoughts you don't know you are having - Caroline Williams [2]

Hello

Your text will sound much better if you adjust some of the sentences as follows;

Every second [...] a number of different thoughts come into my mind.
Those are [...] This happens in the realm of unconscious, which is why most of these thoughts are hardly rational.
In actual fact [...] There have been conducted a few experiments on how our unconscious psyche operates.
the research [...] with respect to what account for people's unconscious reactions to the subjects of...
While [...] no need for this word.
provides [...]deployed...
commanded [...] asked...
which will [...] that would... beep [...] for [...] six times a day...
then ask [...] while telling them to write down their would-be triggered mental responses.
that [...] only the [...] minority of people...

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ted Summary - Edward Snowden - How we take back the internet [2]

Hello

Your text is understandable but a bit coarse. You should spend more time speaking/reading in English to get a better feel for this language. Some of the suggested adjustments to the text are as follows:


towards [...] for...
had attended in the stage talking about his issue [...] delivered a public statement, regarding his decision to reveal to Americans how the country's secret services spy on them.

The dilemma [...] What he did continues to spark much controversy, because he revealed...
however, he has managed [...] he decided that informing people about the illegal activities of these services was more important than building his professional career.
His actions [...] this sentence sounds redundant... you'd be better removing it.
law of privacy [...] privacy law...
the company courtesies as well as securities [...] the company's reputation.
needs to be erased [...] must be eliminated...
I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / BE VEGETARIAN FOR BETTER ANIMAL LIFE [2]

Hello

Your text is easy to understand. However, you should consider rewriting some of the sentences as suggested below (so that the text sounds more professionally written):

This times [...] Nowadays, being a vegetarian is considered trendy.
Furthermore [...] One of the reasons for this is that a vegetarian diet is believed to be very healthy. It is also praised for being ethically sound.

First, [...] by being a vegetarian, one will be able to contribute towards saving the lives of many domesticated meat animals.
for make a healthy food [...]to prepare a healthy meal.
Second, people [...] no need for this sentence because it's redundant.
You [...] People can... that have in common for in its usefulness .[...] this part of the sentence is rather unintelligible... better remove it.
Vegetable protein [...] is also very healthy to consume.
Moreover [...] there are a number of moral reasons to consider becoming a vegetarian.
people should be vegetarian for animal life. [...] switch to a vegetarian diet so that there will be no need in killing animals for meat.
We can eat [...] this is another redundant sentence.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 19, 2016
Scholarship / "TransJogja" bus - personal statement of scholarship to Korea 2017 [3]

Hello

I think your text is good, but some of the sentences imply that they were written by a non-native speaker. You should spell-check your essay once again while paying special attention to the use of the indefinite and definite articles (a, the). There are also a few errors with how you structure your sentences. Here are some examples:

one of [...] the [...] senior high schools...
I [...] am [...] still studying at the Islamic...
with [...] my [...] major [...] being [...] Industrial Engineering.
I must be willing to rain or heat or go home too late at the night. [...] I must stick with the routine, regardless of what happened to be the weather condition each day.

is because I get scholarship. [...] I was qualified to receive a scholarship.

It would also be better if you break down some of your long sentences (such as the one that begins with 'In return...') in two. Finally, you should consider rewriting some of the statements that do not sound very refined (stylistically). For example, the line 'In my opinion, a good education is not only seen from the course but from the neighborhood as well ' sounds rather awkward and it is not very clear what did you have in mind while coming up with it. These are the most notable issues with your essay. Other than that, it is not bad at all.

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary 6: Carrie Green-Programming your mind for success (TED) [2]

Hello

I think your text will be improved rather substantially, if you apply the following adjustments to it:

of [...]the [...] Female Entrepreneur Association...
stop the people to reach [...] from reaching out... and [...] the [...] lack of motivation.
thoughts and... restrict the people from [...] makes it quite impossible for the affected individuals to take full advantage of the available opportunities in life.
what we are thinking about impacts [...] our thoughts do affect the manner in which we address life challenges.
Became [...] Becoming [...] aware [...] of what shapes the workings of our psyche is the first step on the way of attaining social prominence.
After that [...] One will also need to learn how to suppress his of her negative thoughts, as the important precondition for becoming an empowered person.

The last [...] Finally, we need to have a strong belief in our ability to tackle the problems of life, because it will help us...

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 18, 2016
Undergraduate / Rich natural resources vs pollution and deforestation; how my study and degree will help my country? [2]

Hello

I think you should consider applying some corrections/adjustments to the text so that it sounds little more refined. They are as follows:

just like its neighboring countries ...resources amongst others [...] no need for this
the most natural resource endowed [...] resource-rich countries....
have made and still continues to make critical contributions [...]continue to contribute to the...
has been in existence [...] considered a major obstacle in the way of my country's development for...
There has been lots of [...] My village has been exposed to many environmental hazards, such as...
will equip [...] endow...
that will be imparted to me by the professionals [...] aquired at your notable institution, I will be able to contribute towards ensuring that my country's natural resources are exploited in the environmentally sound manner.

for the development of the nation [...] You should end the sentence at this point and start a new one:After all, agriculture contributes...
This will also in turn [...] This, in turn, will also...

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 18, 2016
Undergraduate / Curiosity has always been my besetting sin. UWC application essay. [2]

Hello

Your essay is good. However, I would recommend applying a few stylistic adjustments to it. They are as follows:

I believe that [...] by studying at the UWC I will be able to satisfy my thirst for knowledge.
After knowing [...] having found out about...
I have become [...]I was able to confirm to myself that they are fully consistent with my understanding of what good education is all about.

But [...] However... expresses [...] reflects...
is my most esteemed [...] favorite...
to express [...] to introduce...
towards saving it. [...]you'll be better off specifying what would you like to save.
provide me [...]with...
with diverse [...] from diverse...
can construct [...] will contribute towards constructing...
With my knowledge from the UWC , [...] obtained at the UWC...
conflicts of [...] in...
by disintegrating [...] exposing the fallaciousness of many...
Only then can I rise to eminence [...] I will be able to attain social prominence...

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 17, 2016
Essays / HELP WITH NARRATIVE ESSAY TOPIC- mistake I've made [3]

Hello

I think your essay could be as follows:

Two years ago, I had a very close friend. I used to consider her a really trustworthy person and I never kept any secrets from her. One time, I told her about this boy that I liked, hoping that she would appreciate my willingness to share things with her. However, after having heard this, she ceased being friendly towards me. In fact, she began to pick on me in public. At fist, such her behavior did not make any sense to me. However, it was not long before I found out that this girl had a crush on the same boy. The lesson that I learned from the incident is quite apparent - do not become too close with even the most loyal of your friends, because there is always a chance for them to turn into enemies while competing for the same 'resource' with you.

I hope this will help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / INTERNET: The Drawback and Vantage [2]

Hello

Your text is quite readable, but you could use adjusting/rewriting some of the sentences as follows:

Along withThe development of information technology [...] enables people to have instantaneous access to information on the Internet.
some peopleof them [...] do not seem to use the Internet wisely.
Therefore [...] this sentence doesn't sound very intelligible (partly, due to its sheer length), and it is also out of place contextually. You should consider breaking it down in two and making sure that the flow of your thoughts is easy to follow.

it is [...] its [...] user-friendly interface and the technology's availability to ordinary people.
the society [...] people...
contain [...] feature...
and because [...] this should be the begining of the next sentence : Because there are so many websites, it often proves challenging trying to find some reliable information, with respect to a particular subject matter.

even the [...] though...
there are vast number [...] many benefits...

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Education Is the Key to Breaking the Cycle of Violence - Summary article [3]

Hello

It'll be better if you restructure some of your sentences as suggested below:

"School should [...] According to Forest Whitetaker... and Irina Bokova: "School should...".
This article [...] dwells upon the experiences of both of the mentioned individuals in Sudan, where they studied the effects of war on the quality of local education.

Nowadays, [...] commonly assumed that education promotes peace.
To tackle this case [...] This is the reason why the government must ensure that no schools and universities are being used to shelter guerilla fighters.

On the other hand [...] The government is also responsible for providing equal access to education for all of the country's citizens.

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The ability to stay focused positively relates to the quality of athlete's performance [2]

Hello

Your text will sound better if you rewrite some of the sentences as suggested below:


Athlete's focus [...] ability to stay focused positively relates to the quality of his or her performance.
It can achieve [...] this sentence is redundant... you should consider removing it.
TheAthletes must be...
Athlete's performance [...] is also dependent on how quickly he or she orients within the competing ground.
Not jus they [...] Winning in sports is not only about the strength of one's muscles, but also about the quickness of the concerned person's mind.

The athlete [...] Athletes must be capable of concentrating on the achievement of a particular goal, without paying attention to any distractions.

As for the rest of the sentences, I suggest you make them shorter. Also, try to make sure that one sentence logically derives from the previous one. I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / A global mobilization is required in order to tackle the Climate Crisis issue [2]

Hello

Most of the sentences must be rewritten to sound better (and to make more sense). One of the biggest problems with your text is that there are no smooth transitions between sentences, which makes it little hard following the line of your logic. Ideally, each new sentence must be the continuation of what has been said in the previous one. I rewrote the initial sentences for you to illustrate how this should be done:


Modern conflic [...] It is very likely that as the process of global warming continues to gain a momentum, there will be more and more conflicts taking place on this planet.

Need global [...] This, in turn, requires the mobilization of humanity so that the problem in question could be effectively addressed.

Also, try to keep your sentences shorter until you get a better command of the language. I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 14, 2016
Undergraduate / 250-650 word transfer essay from the common app. Why am I transferring and what are my goals? [4]

Hello

Your text is nicely written and I think it will appeal to those who are meant to read it. However, there is one thing about it that I believe requires your attention. Specifically, the fact that the line of your reasoning in support of the suggestion that you'll indeed be able to make a difference as a teacher in China or Japan appears somewhat weak. What I mean is that the very context of the sentence 'I've found some of the root causes being that many students don't utilize the necessary reinforcement for learning a language ' implies that the concerned issue if fully objective. So, the proper strategy for tackling it should be objective (in the sense of being scientifically sound/logical), as well. Yet, your approach "I would do my best to convince my students of its importance " implies that you don't really have a concrete plan, as to how the concerned objective could be accomplished in practice. It doesn't sound very reassuring... This is the only semantic weakness I was able to find. I hope it helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: The Stress-Free Guide to Making Healthy Eating Choices [2]

Hello

It'll make your text sounding more professional if you apply the following adjustments to it:

tend to choose [...]in favor of leading a healthy lifestyle.
However [...], it now became quite challenging for people to succeed in this undertaking because there is still much uncertainty about the nutritional value of every particular kind of food.

the technique to [...]increase such value in foods.
They called GMO [...] In this respect, we can refer to the technology of growing genetically modified vegetables.
Some people consider [...] this technique [...] not altogether safe.
people prefer to deal with [...] consume...
Sometimes [...] people are able to figure what is good or not good for them by simply looking at a particular vegetable.
But [...] This approach, however, will not prove very useful when it comes to identifying harmful substances in vegetables.
There are someone [...] this sentence doesn't make much sense.
Organically [...] grown fruits and vegetables are not supposed to have any pesticides in them.

I hope it helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / To prevent and overcome chilhood obesity [2]

Hello

Your text is a bit awkward (stylistically). I suggest you apply the following adjustments to it:

The UK government [...] considers it very important to apply a continual effort in trying to reduce the rate of obesity in children.
It is [...] The task, in this respect, is to help British people staying healthy.
These [...] you'll need to specify what exactly do you refer to .
Others strategy [...] Among the deployed strategies is trying to reduce the amount of sugar, consumed by children on a daily basis.
What is it caused [...] What causes children to grow obese?
Sugar is the one [...] certainly the matter of concern, in this regard, due to its abundance in different types of food.
The Government should [...] apply more effort in making sure that the functioning of food companies complies with the applicable rules and regulations.
In addition, [...] it should be made mandatory for students in schools to exercise for no less than 60 minutes per day.
It really work [...]This will prevent children from gaining any excessive weight.
School has it [...] this sentence sounds redundant.
to force junk food in the school [...] out of schools...

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Logging impact. A great deal of the industries commit the activities of cutting down trees. [3]

Hello

Your text could be improved (stylistically) if you apply the following adjustments to it:

A great deal [...] The proper functioning of many industries depends on...
They need [...] After all, wood continues to be used for manufacturing different industrial products.
The logging [...] However, there are a number of downsides to the practice in question, such as...
Their leaves [...] help to prevent the soil's upper layer from being washed away when it rains.
The felling [...] The concerned practice also contributes towards harming...
When the erosion [...] Erosion results in causing the soil to absorb oxygen, which in turn reduces the amount of the latter in water.
maintains [...] keeps... hence, making it more likely for the acid rains to take place.
it contributes [...] makes it much more challenging for humanity to go about trying to reduce the emissions of carbon dioxide in the air, which in turn adds severity to the problem of climate change.

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dad Sings Disney Song With His Daughters, Your heart explodes with cuteness. Article summary [2]

Hello

I think your text will win in value if you apply the following stylistic touches to it:

to get [...] to establish a strong bond...
acceptable [...] praiseworthy... but it [...]would prove even more notable if the Dad acts as the active participant.
It is [...] has happened...
" a dream is a wish " [...] -a line from...
difficult childhood [...] to have any negative effect on...
This is obviously [...] Jorge and his daughters...
This [...] can be seen as a...
country [...] countries...
As the quote said [...]famous saying goes...
to perform [...] participate in [...] this fun activity with our [...] their [...] sons or daughters and we will [...] so that the former could attain excellency in parenting.

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Oil pipelines project has been protested by Native American [3]

Hello

Your text does make much sense. However, you'll be much better off rewriting most sentences for stylistic reasons (to make the text sounding more professional). Below are the examples of how this could be done:

It is very [...] important to invest heavily in the protection of the natural environment.
Especially [...] This suggestion is especially relevant for the representatives of my generation.
branch of the environmental organisation the Sierra Club...
the native Indian [...] the Natives...
The [...] building of the [..] pipelines... washas been protested, on account of these people's environmental considerations.
should halted [...] stop building the pipeline around...
Sacres [...] Sacred sites represent the greatest matter of concern, in this respect.
the populer issue that make another country intended [...] this sentense doesn't make much sense.
The indian [...] The Natives must apply a continual effort into keeping their holy sites free of any environmental pollution.

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / International effort has been taking the lead in guiding the space developments on the right track [3]

Hello

I think your text will sound much better if you keep the sentences shorter. Some of the phrases appear little awkward (stylistically). I suggest you consider applying the following adjustments to the text:

These days [...] we could have been hearing more about the revolutionary developments taking place in the field of space exploration.
Many put forth [...] people believe that this exploration is driven by national pride, whereas other contend that it is specifically the international collaboration between countries that is being at play, in this respect.

To me, I totally... , and will discuss the idea's validity in my essay.
greatly contributed and [...] no need for this.
no individual country [...]could afford pouring assets into.
tackle with ...
tough race for [...] being first in [...] landing astronauts to on the Moon...
material science [...]you better use some other words - it's not clear what you refer to.
would shape [...] the ways of space exploration in the future.
but also [...] broaden our understanding of space.
will be coming soon [...] you should remove this ending... it appears out of place.

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The best way to improve health is to exercise regularly. To what extent do you agree? [3]

Hello

Your text will sound better if you apply the following adjustments to it:

for them [...] people (?)
Doing exerciseExercisingfrequently...
good method to upgrade healthiness. [...]a good strategy for staying healthy.
it helps [...] to improve...
often exercise [...] exercise often, they will be able to stay in good physical shape.
to useburn calories.
Regular exercise [...] By exercising regularly, people can improve...
According to some recent...
helpone'sbody to ensure the steady supply of oxygen and nutrients to its cells.
to do others [...] to indulge in other daily activities.
is to get mood better [...] is the improvement of one's mood.
help people to.... and feel much less stressed out after...
going out to take part in activities [...] leading a physically active lifestyle...
and thistheir sleep...
that will bebe suitable for whatever happened to be their age.

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today urban sprawl is considered to pose serious problems; giving the opinion - IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]

Hello

I applied a few corrections to the text so that it sounds better:

there are also [...] a few major drawbacks to...
In my point of view, this accounts for a controversial aspect to the issue in question.
The main aspect dificulty...
Inhabitants of cities [...] City residents...
tend to suffer [...] to be affected by...
even each day [...] on a daily basis...
harmless [...]harmfull(?)
First of all, [...]it should impose additional regulations on the construction of new buildings.
to buildestablish... blocks of flatsappartment buildings...
separateprivate house.
tends to become [...] one of the 21st century's major issues.
Governments [...] The government....

I hope this came of help. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / In this modern era, we are unknowingly using products which create a lot of useless material [4]

Hello

Your text will sound much better if you apply the following stylistic adjustments to it:

One ofthe most serious problems is considered global warming. Humanity does actively contribute towards making this problem ever more serious.
has been [...] a commonplace trend...
and produces tons ofthis adds to the accumulation of waste.
havehas been increased [...] gaining a momentum... the production of rubbish has increased, as well.
IT industries comparing to what it used to be the case one year ago, IT industries produce 40% more waste, including...
The government...
itemshave been produced.
ban the plastic... and should provide...
start the campaign program [...] awareness campaign so that people know...
should provide some limitation [...] limit the production of certain industrial goods.
will only be...
should also have to be join hands [...] be willing to cooperate with ordinary people while trying to preserve the natural environment.

I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The ''dealing with people'' communication skill was chosen as the most essential in work. [2]

Hello

Your text could be improved if you apply the following adjustments:

table showspresents...
based on [...] the survey data from two different years.
can be seen that [...] the external communication skills outnumber the internal ones.
the average [...] percentile rate for both...
skills consisted ... customers services.
Therefore [...] These people accounted for 60...
there were also mentioned six basic...
was the ability...

Other than that everything seems to be just fine. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The environment improvement depends only on large companies since individuals can't do much alone [4]

Hello

Some of the sentences/words in your text could be improved. The applied adjustments are as follows:

improvement [...] protection...
since theordinary individuals [...] can do very little about it.
such notionassumption...
dimension of legislationthe movement to save the natural environment.
There is no legislation [...] No legislation could work without the active participation of ordinary citizens.
to make sure that a certain...
will only be succeededprove sucsessful if...
the improvementpreservation of the natural environment [...] can only be achieved if people are willing to contribute to it on a daily basis.
Other than that, the rest of your text seems Ok. I hope this helped. Regards.
Wolf Larsen   
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Level of Education of People In Bulgaria who Tend To Leave Their Country [2]

Hello

Your text is nicely done, but you could use having it improved stylistically. The suggested adjustments are as follows:

chart elucidates [...] illustrates... who have plan..., based on the level of ...
Overall [...] the percentage of those with secondary education appears to have been the highest for each consecutive year, with the lowest percentage having been exhibited (in 2008) by the individuals with primary education.

Looking at the detail [...] Even though the bar chart suggests that it is specifically the highly educated Bulgarians who more than any others want to leave their country for good, their percentage experienced a notable decline through the mentioned time period (from 65 percent to 59 percent).

Those with higher appear to have been attracted by the prospect of leaving the least (9 percent in 2008).
In 2008 [...], the number of people with primary education wanting to leave Bulgaria has doubled - from 17 percent in 2002 to about 32 percent in that year.
In the years 2002 and 2006 [...], the percentile margin between the representatives of all three groups has been the lowest.

I hope this helped. Regards.