Writing Feedback / Several leisure activities among children - IELTS Task 1 [3]

The bar chart depicts a breakdown of percentage of boys and girls who have age between 5 and 14 in several leisure activities. Overall, it can be seen that boys dominate in some hobbies and both of them have the same interesting in watching TV and Video.

According to the bar chart, there are three activities where the percentage of boys out number that of girls while the former in the electronic or computer games is higher than the latter. The pattern also happens in the skateboarding or rollerblading and bike riding. The watching TV or video accounted for the majority at 100 for both of girls and boys.

On the other hand, the participation of girls is much more than that of boys in the art and craft. That gap is the same as the gap in electronic or computer games at 20. In short, sedentary activities are more favorite than other activities which have to use much more energy when they play its.

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Writing Feedback / Equal number of male and female students is a bad idea - it brings only limitations and obstacles [2]

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In this good education era, many new classes are opened by university for receiving new students. Several universities should accept equal number of men and women in every subject. I absolutely disagree with that statement because some reasons.

Obviously, some higher educational institutions have tendency to apply the policy between females and males in every subject because they want to give the same opportunities to every student without seeing their genders. For example, in the medicine faculty, the nursing subject is dominated by female student while in the reality the patients are not always females. Hence the university authority gives the same right to the males who want to enroll in the subject. As a result many male students are interested in enrolling and studying nursing.

On the other hand, having equal number of students in the same subject is not good for student because of some reasons. Firstly, we have to know that all students have their own potency then they can enroll in whatever subject they want. Hence they can study and maximize their talent to achieve what they dream. It also gives limitation to the students who want to study in particular subjects but the quota for their gender is not available. In addition, the trend in majoring subject is change; many men study in the department which was dominated by females and use versa. For instance, in the cooking class many years ago, the females were the same as the males while nowadays. There are some reasons why having equal proportion students between men and women are not good.

To sum up, it is evident that there is a reason why universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. However, I totally disagree with that policy because we have to give opportunities to the student for choosing their favorite subject without worrying about the equal number of men and women in their class.

Writing Feedback / In this modern era, money can buy anything, including individual gladness. Happiness vs money. IELTS [4]

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both of views and give your own opinion.

In this modern era, money can buy anything, including individual gladness. Several people think that personal happiness has correlation with finance, while others believe that some factors bring huge implication on it. This essay is going to explain both statements and my own opinion about those statements.

Recently, some people argue that having good financial condition makes someone happy since he can buy anything which he wants. For example, when we have many incomes, we can visit many countries in the world which have different culture, eat what we want to eat, and own what we want to use. The research from Stanford University released that 68 % citizens in some developed countries claimed themselves to be happy. Hence, people who want to be happy have to earn money for pursuing happy life. As a result, the higher their economic level is, the happier their personal life is.

On the other hand, several individuals believe that personal gladness depends on deferent factors. Firstly, good social relationship with people in our surrounding is a main factor which influences someone to be happy since every human is social creature. Secondly, their jobs also lead them to be happy because people who have job which they are really interest in and the results will be great. In addition, human nature feels happy while their job results are avowed by other individuals. Thus, there are some factors which make someone to be glad.

To sum up, it is evident that not only finance, but also family, job and respect from other people lead someone to get personal happiness. In my opinion, individual has to earn much money to reach their personal gladness then making their family members happy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, Many employees may work at home the modern technology [5]

Many employees may work at home the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Technology changes the way people do things, including their job. Advanced technology enables several employees to work at their house. I totally disagree with the statement that the only workers have advantages not the employers.

Recently, working at homes either as employers and employees give some advantages. Firstly they can have a good circumstance since the work in the comfortable place which is their house. Secondly, they also can spend much more time with their family when they have a break time so that their relationship with their family members' improve. As a result, they enjoy working in house and it leads to the increase in their working performance.

On the other hand it also gives some drawbacks to the workers and to the Boss. The officers tend to do their task as they want since their employers do not look at them directly. It will make employers experience economical lose because the workers' performance tends to decrease. Social interactions between workers and employers cannot run well because the time duration of interaction much enough. In addition, the transfer of skills which need direct guide do not happen since the employers only give several instructions without showing the real example to them.

To sum up, it is evident that working in the home affects several benefits and drawbacks for both workers and employers. In my point of view, I absolutely disagree with the statement that only officers have benefit, not the employers. Then I recommend both of them to make good collaborations to improve the quality of their company and hope that developing technology can help them to increase their productivities for maximizing their income, hence their live are going to be better than before.

Writing Feedback / Computers are increasingly used in education, in which area computers more important [2]

Computers are increasingly used in education, in which area computers more important and in which area teachers more important.
Nowadays, sophisticated technologies give huge influence in many fields of human life, including education. In the educational institutions, computers are massively used to support some activities. This essay is going to explain the area which can be covered well by computers and the sector where teachers have better abilities then computers.

Recently, several schools use computers as main component in some areas of students' learning process to increasing students' achievement in examination. In presenting a teaching material more attractively, computers are superior to teachers because they can involve moving pictures, and good sound effects which can easily grab students' attention. It makes class presentation more interesting than explanation of teachers who simply use oral explanation. In addition, computers give more changes to student to comprehend the material repeatedly until they understand. Those are the aspects in which teachers cannot outweigh computers.

On the other hand, teachers are necessary in several areas of school subjects since they have abilities that computer does not have. Firstly, teacher has a better skill in evaluating students' performance when the test is not multiple choices and there are some answer options, teachers are the only ones who can evaluate and score the answers. The best feedback are also given by teacher since every student has different way to solve a problem in environmental problems therefore the teachers are to be the first choice to handle those areas.

To sum up, it is evident that computers and teachers have their own prominence in dissimilar areas in school subjects. Then, I hope that in the future both technologies and humans can make collaborations to lead education to be better than before and I recommend the leader of educational field to pay more attention in those situations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, school life is stressful and tiring hence after their graduation. [2]

Some school leavers travel or work, for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

For some students, school life is stressful and tiring hence after their graduation, they do not directly go to university. They do traveling or working for some times while they are considering what university or major they want to take. This easy explants the benefits and the drawbacks.

Recently, several young adults think that spending a period between their high school graduation and university enrolment and working makes some benefits. Firstly, they can receive new points of views from the places which they have already visited since every place offers different culture and experience. Secondly, doing work in the field which they have passion in will sharpen their skill because they enjoy doing it and their skill improvement will make them have higher bargaining position in their job field. Besides, postpone enrolling at university gives them more time to find out what they want really want to study. It prevents them from being stack in the major that they do not like.a

On the other hand, several people think that those bring some disadvantages for the youth. Enjoying the job and travel too much, the young people often digress from their first plan. Some of them end up to enrolling at university because they feel that they have reached what they want without having to study in university. Their mind also changes into professional worker because they have enough knowledge from their daily circumstance. In addition, their friends in their journey or new people whom the meet in the place which they visit sometimes attract young generation to stay in some place for a long time which is much more than their plan. It is worried that they will be worried to enroll at university.

To sum up, it is evident that those are some benefits and demerits of working and traveling in a period before they register in the university. In my opinion, I believe that good time management and focus on their work or travel can give much more advantages then the drawbacks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1, Viewers watch the channels One News - the line graph conclusions [2]

A breakdown of the number of viewers who watch the channels One News divided by four time periods in over years and is measured by million is depicted in the line graph. Overall it can be seen that three schedules are began from the first month, whereas one is starting in the fourth month.

In the first fourth month, three of the schedules have three different movements. The number of 6pm schedule starts at 4.9 million and then it decreases to 3.9 million. The number is near with the number of 9.30 at 3.8 and it begins at 3.2million. In another case, the rate of 1 pm remains stable at 1.3 million.

On the other hand, starting May there are some motions. The figure for 11 pm begins at 0.2 million and then rockets at 4.1 on August, when the number of 9.30 plugs deeply to 1 million. In the end period of survey, the rate of 11pm decrease to around 1 million as the last position and the other ranks are showed same as in the starting month.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - In this globalization era, tourism is huge business field [3]

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people.
Why is this?
What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites?

In this globalization era, tourism is huge business field. Several museums and historical spots become the most favorite destination which is visited by oversea people rather than local folk. This essay is going to describe some reasons why it happen, and the treatments to encourage local dwellers to visit the museum and historical areas.

Recently, the most visitors in such museums and historical locations are dominated by foreign tourist rather than local people because of some causes. Local people think that those places are not interesting since they always see those place and some of artifacts which are displayed in the museums are able to be seen in their daily activities such as traditional weapon, cloth and transportation. In contrast, the international visitors think that it is not only valuable goods but also cultural heritages which give us what ancestor did in the past. According to the survey from Stanford University in 2015 released that visitors who visited museum or historical buildings were dominated by oversea person at 74percent. It means that visiting museum is not favorite choice for local inhabitants.

Obviously, there are some mechanisms which can be maximized to attract local folk to visit the museum. Firstly, the museums has to make correction in their services for example giving discount ticket in the weekend, opening museums on until the night and making competitions which have many rewards. Secondly, the committee of schools has to insert visiting museums and historical areas in their historical lessons. Then the official has to support financial to keep and improve facilities and artifact which are displayed in the museums.

To sum up, it is evident that those are the two different points between local people and foreign visitor for visiting reasons in museums and historical buildings and several mechanisms for making native inhabitants to visit it. I hope that in the future all of component in society can support museum not only place to display such goods but also to see what had be done by our progenitors.

Writing Feedback / Electricity generation in Germany by sources like Nuclear, Petroleum, Hydro and Natural gas [3]

A comparison of the number of electricity generators which are divided by five categories of sources between 1980 and 2010 in Germany and it measured in unit is depicted in the picture. Overall, it can be seen that the figure for Nuclear and Petroleum to produce power in the city increased gradually while the Hydro and Natural gas number fell down in the end period of survey.

Some pie char showed dramatic changes some from 1980 to 2010. The rate of nuclear generator rose significantly by 135. However, the number of Natural gas was a sudden dropped to 2 in and the number is the same number with the Hydro source. In another case, the number of coal remained constant at 28 units. 2010 experienced that the number of Petroleum climbed slowly by 5. In contrast, the same rate of gape whit the previous resource happened in the number of Hydro.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS 2. Marriage is serious problem for massive inhabitant especially at elderly age [3]

Living Alone in Society

In this globalization era, marriage is serious problem for massive inhabitant especially elderly age. Majority of people are choosing choice to live without making commitment. I argue that several reasons influence it such us financial, self-confident and circumstance and it give not only positive but also negative impacts to the community.

Recently, a largely number of citizens have tendency to live without couple doe to some statements. Firstly, financial is the common reason why they do not want to married, according to the research which are conducted in Stanford University in 2015 released that in the married life, people need twice as much as their income in the alone situation. Secondly, some of them are not confident to share their real behavior to their couple. Finally, they live in the circumstances which do not care about each other, while in part of this word, that is more common than others. In short, those are several reasons why in this era elderly people in the single status.

On the other hand, this phenomenon can give good and bad implications to the society. It is going to the right side when they have much time to join in charity event for helping each other and they also can maximize their focus on their job for improving the economy of the society members. In contrast, this kind of status becomes bad impulse to their circumstances because the population of humans decreased gradually and it is like the illness which can very easy to persuade another person to follow this status.

To sum up, it is evident that some cases influence the person to choose his status. Although some advantages gain from this, it also leads to the drawbacks in the society. I hope that in the future, humans and official pay more attention on this situation to keep population of humans in the world.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1; a traveler who visited Brighton attractions - did he get bored there? [2]

A breakdown of the proportions of traveler who visited Brighton attractions which were Art gallery, pavilion, pear and festival in the UK since 1980 to 2010 is depicted in the line graph. Overall it can be seen that percentages of some attractions tend to increase, while the other fall in the end period of survey.

In 1980 the percentage of traveler who visited art pavilion and pier stood at approximately24% and 10% respectively. 1995 saw a steady rose the pear visitor to around 12% when the pavilion visitor tended to climb significantly to approximately 48%. In the following one a half decade, there were a sharp drop to 32% in the number of pavilion visitor and a dramatic growth to 22% the number of pier.

In contrast, the proportion of people who visit art gallery and festival stood at 22% and 30% respectively in 1980. The next a half decade, both of them decreased slightly to approximately 21% and 25% close behind. In the end of period assessment the proportion of festival rose slowly to around 28%, while the number of art gallery visitor was plunged dramatically to under 10%.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 In this sophisticated technology, many devices attract children attantion [NEW]

These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school.
What are the reasons for this?
How can it be dealt with?

In this sophisticated technology, many devices attract children attention in their daily routines. Some pupils have hard matter to detect and focus on their lesson at school. This essay is going to explain about the reasons why it happened and some solution to handle it.

Recently, several factors can influence children attention on concentration in their class room when they receive their study. Firstly, their parents could not prepare their nutrition food in the morning. Hence, it means children do not have enough power to listen well in in the class. Secondly, their parents give opportunity to bring their mobile phone in school since parents used it to check the situation of the children. In fact, such smart phone disturb their school according to the scientist research in Stanford University released that mobile phone decreased more than at 30percent their focus on school study. The last is the teacher performance which is uninteresting affect to the student intention.

Obviously, some actions can be applied to make children becoming more interest in their class. First of all, parents can provide healthy diet in the breakfast time followed by school in lunch time. The second is that the school community has to make a rule to shutdown students' phone when they attending in study room. Finally the educational official have to make training program to give option mechanism how to teach with creativity and innovative for making dynamic class.

To sum up, it is evident that those are some reasons and solutions. Although children received many problems to study well, there are solutions to reduce it. I hope that in the future parents, schools, government can collaborate for improving educational field.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, Some folks are too afraid to look at around due to a panicky criminal [4]

Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime. Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done.

What are your views?

Some folks are too afraid to look at around due to a panicky criminal. Massive inhabitants believe that more should be attained to avoid terror of criminality, even though others feel that nothing can be undertaken. In my point of view, I believe that some mechanisms can be done to minimize the terror of crime by collaboration both of people and institutions.

Recently, some people believe that we could do to reduce the criminal rate since the major point which is metal of the humans. To illustrate, the criminal have a bad mentality and they think that the easy way to earn money by applying the criminality. As a result that although we have supported to reduce the terror by using many mechanisms, it could not be significantly result when we do not change the criminal mindset. In short, the way to think of criminal is going to be harmfully when we miss understanding to detect the main problem.

On the other hand, massive inhabitants can act some actions to solve the problem of the crime. Firstly, people have to pay more attention to another person who lives near them since it can make good relationships for keeping each other from doing daily positive activities. Society can also play important part in this case by making training to make hand-made products. It means that the criminal can make a new product after they have the new abilities. Finally the official have to give more attention by using their power to reduce it such us making a regulation or giving more sadistic punishment. All in all, those are some mechanism which can be done to reduce the crime.

To sum up, it is evident that there are two statements of terror of crime. Thus, I have tendency that same method can be acted for making a good situation in our society. Then, I hope that in the future the citizens, community and council can collaborated to solve the problem for creating the best circumstances to live.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of British people who saw the film in forth age groups on two decades after 1990 [2]

A breakdown of the proportion of British people who saw the film in forth age groups on two decades after 1990 in the United Kingdom cinemas is revealed in this line graph. Overall, it can be seen that the most favorite age group was viewers which had aged 44-24, while the least uninteresting group was occupied by the young age between 14 and 24.

In a decade after survey there are some movements for the proportion of cinema attendance. In 1990, the age 44-54 and 34-44 had a slightly stood at 37percent and 35percent close behind as the highest and the second highest while the latest is occupied by the adult group (14-24) at 15%. 2000 showed that most of the group and the 24-34 aged members also fall down as the low number of the group at 19percent.

After that, in the last a decade before 2010, the level of audiences of cinema increased significantly. Most of them rise significantly by around one-third in 2005. Then in the last year of assessment, when the oldest (44-55) and old (34-44) group were gradual climb to 52percent and 42percent, the percentage of viewers in third group remained constant at 33%. On the other hand, the figure for the young group was a rapid growth to 21%.

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Writing Feedback / Fish pie production process; peas and sous are given before arranging with potatoes and wrapping. [2]

An illustration of fish pie production process which has some parts in a factory is reveled in the picture. Overall, it can be seen that the factory has two main line stages which potato and fresh salmon steps. Even though some processes use mechanical method, human is still used to remove skin and bones and inspect in the processing salmon.

In the potatoes process, there are some steps to prepare it. Firstly, the row potatoes are delivered by delivery truck and the estimate time of it is up to 4 weeks. Then, in the factory, all of the processes are done by machines starting preparation to storing steps. The first three steps which are clean, peel and slice, when in the peel, the skin of potatoes are thrown out to waste disposal. Next, they are boiled and continuing in the chili before store as the last step of potato preparation.

On the other hand, the fresh salmon is also sent to the victory by truck but the time has to less than a half day. After it arrives, such fresh salmons are given lemon juice followed by salt. The next steps is that the salmon meats come into the steam oven machines and the output will be removed skin and the bone by humans while the waste disposal are used to collect the rubbish of the removed components. Following this the individual are still functioned to inspect the meats. And then, giving peas and sous are done before arranging with potatoes and wrapping. After that the peace of fish pie are ready to come in to freeze machines then storing or packing.

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