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Posts by Yusri31
Name: Yusri
Joined: Mar 14, 2016
Last Post: Apr 6, 2016
Threads: 28
Posts: 31  
Likes: 8
From: Indonesia
School: Gadjah Mada University

Displayed posts: 59 / page 1 of 2
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Yusri31   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1- Comparison kind of movies watched in UK and US [4]

Dear Desty
The bar chart illustrates the number of film watched in England and Australia in 2001, categorized by US, UK Australian films and others;

The line graph describes movie theater entry for thirty years.

Note 1 : You must check clearly the information in the chart, not only in the bar chart but also in the line chart. In the first chart describes the percentage of films screened in Australia and the UK.

Note 2 : In the line graph describes the number of cinema admissions.

I will try to give you example :

The percentage of films screened and the number of cinema admissions in Australia and the UK the chart can be seen in the chart. At first glance, we can see clearly that the US films had the higher percentage than the other film categories not only in Australia but also in the UK. It is important to note that the number of cinema admissions in the UK was higher than Australia.

Thank You

Best Regards
Yusri
Yusri31   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The international food such as fast food is more enjoyed by majority of people than local culinary [NEW]

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In spite of the fact that the fast food is enjoyed by the majority of people, however, I can prove clearly that it can lead plenty of problems to families and societies. I strongly believe that there are several solutions which can overcome this problem.

Some parents spend less time together their children or otherwise. Family meal time is considered as an opportunity for all members to get together and share their experiences. However, based on the latest data from National Survey Institute in the UK shows that 89 % of the total of teenagers in this country prefer to eat in the restaurant which provides a lot of fast foods with their friends. It has led the teenagers spending more time with their friend than their family.

The public health rate is decreasing slowly every year. The consumption rate of society on fast food is one of the factors predominant led this problem. Based on the data from Community Healthy Institute (CHI) in the Philippines proves 38 % of all diseases suffered by society in this country are caused by fast food. It is indisputable fact that the majority of fast food much more unhealthy than home-cooked meals, due to the reason that it consists of some materials which are not needed by the body.

To sum up, undoubtedly the fast food has proved to harm the people. However, there are several measures which can be done to overcome this problem. The government should restrict the number of fast food produced by several companies. The parents also should educate their children from an early age to consume home-cooked meals than fast food.
Yusri31   
Mar 23, 2016
Undergraduate / ADMISSION DECISION APPEAL FOR UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.. to take further consideration [2]

Note : It is better when you limit or reduce repetitive word , in this case the using of "University of Washington". You can use "it" as the substitute this word.

I think University of Washington is perfect for me.

With my stats, University of Washington is impossible but If i get the opportunity to attend University of Washington, I will forever appreciate it. I believe that I will do my 100% best at the University of Washington . Attending University of Washington will be a privilege and though others might see University of Washington prestige to be the most enticing factor. I go beyond that to realize that University of Washington has the world class curriculum ...

As I see it, there are two options: either I can go to University of Washington , where I can learn ...

I would like to encourage you to offer me acceptance to University of Washington because, as my recent ...
... something which will add to the rich diversity at University of Washington.

I will try to give you the example

I consider that University of Washington is one of the well-known perfect universities in the world. My mom told to me that,"If you will achieve your desire which is a impossible thing, you will appreciate it your entire life ". This quote has inspired me everyday. Studying in University of Washington for several people is considered as impossible thing due to the reason that this campus has a high grade.
Yusri31   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning from parents is always an easy-going process - are they the best mentors possible? [2]

Some people believe that parents [...] can be our best teachers.

I will try to give you example :

The compulsion of the parents is teaching their children since childhood regarding a great deal of things, therefore some people consider that the best educator is your parents. I really agree with this statement that the other people cannot substitute the role of the parents as the best teacher.
Yusri31   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some group of people complain and feel unsatisfied that government is wasting money on arts [5]

National budget is managed [...] money on it is unnecessary.

I will try to give you suggestion :

1. Please check clearly the question, To what extent do you agree with this view?
Therefore, you must mention " You agree or disagree with this statement. It is important to be written in introduction part.

2. Your sentence is so rambling, i cannot find the cohesivity each sentence.
3. Please check the grammar and collocations

There are several sectors allocated by the government to be funded such as art, health, public service, education and the other sectors. Some people consider allocating the fund to art sector as wasting of money. I really disagree with this statement due to the reason that the art has a great deal of benefits to societies. However, the comparison regarding the total of fund must lower than several other sectors such as education and health
Yusri31   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will discuss factors why population is rising and why it affects the sociality. [2]

As, it is commonly understood that the increasing of world's population [...] agree that the growing population will affect the sociality. .

Note : Please check the question clearly. The question is written that "Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?" But in the first paragraph, you write "the reason why I personally agree that the growing population will affect the socialites". . I think, you do not answer the task response .

For Example :

I personally disagree when the people consider this problem as the greatest problem by human due to the reason that the crime rate, illiterate rate, or corruption are greater than this problem.

Good Luck
Yusri31   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Population explosion: the risks and causes. Is it the biggest problem faced by humanity? [3]

The global population is progressively risen year by year which is caused by diverse reasons. At first, different with several years before, to fulfil [....] past which decreases the death rate.

Note : I read your article, you have a fascinating point of view, however, i will try to give you several suggestion to repair your article.

I think, in the first paragraph, you should mention "the causes of this continued rise"... Unfortunately, I cannot find clearly what do you meant in this paragraph. It so rambling enough, it is better when you just focus to explain the causes of this continued rise in the first paragraph.

For Example :
The main idea : a wide range of people have considered that the children are one of the revenue sources.
So, in this paragraph just focus to explain the assumption of the people which has led this problem.

Good Luck
Yusri31   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pictures informs about the development of Stockford village during 1930 until 2010 - IELTS 1 [3]

Dear Aisyah

The pictures give information about the development of Stokeford village in two different periods(You mentioned "The development in the beginning of paragraph" so it is better when you use "From 1930 to 2010) .

In the contrary, there was several buildings(It is better when you mention the name of the building, such as school, post office etc..) that remained unchanged over 7-decade.

... development of housing area which led to changing in the design ...
However(You should not use "However", because you do not compare something) in 1930, two spacious farmlands had been converted ...
Yusri31   
Mar 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Responsibility for teaching children how to behave. [3]

Dear Trunhiuhoang

You have a good idea in your writing, i will try to give you some suggestions.

IT IS INDISPUTABLE FACT THAT THE ROLE OF THE PARENTS TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILDREN IS PIVOTAL. HOWEVER, IT CANNOT BE DENIED THAT THE GOVERNMENT AND THE SCHOOLS MUST ALSO TAKE ACTION TO HELP THE PARENTS TO BUILD THE CHARACTER OF THE CHILDREN. THEREFORE, I REALLY DISAGREE WHEN SCHOOLS AND GOVERNMENT DON NOT BE RESPONSIBLE TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN.

Note : I suggest you to divide this paragraph to be 2 paragraphs.
1. In the first paragraph, you can explain the role of the parents to educate their children

[...] Father and mother have to teach their offsprings some basic behavior which could be very important in forming a base of children's disposition..................................................

2. In the second paragraph, you can describe the importance of the government and schools to take action to help the parents to educate the children

[...] They should encourage children to go to school in order to integrate with the community. ......................................................

Thank You :D
Yusri31   
Mar 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / TARGET GROUP on which group of people we are interested in. [2]

This game is applicable to people who are 10 and above as(DUE TO THE REASON THAT) it may require some knowledge ...

Not only does it help to improve the harmony ... .(THE EXCELLENCE OF THIS GAME NOT ONLY CAN HELP THE PEOPLE TO KEEP THE HARMONY WITH THEIR FRIENDS BUT ALSO CAN TEACH THE STUDENTS REGARDING COOPERATION IN A TEAM). Moreover, this may be a stepping stone for students to hone their teamwork skills(THIS INFORMATION REPEATS THE PREVIOUS INFORMATION) and apply to their future group ...
Yusri31   
Mar 25, 2016
Student Talk / PRACTISING SPEAKING ENGLISH? HELP? [5]

Dear Tuvi456

I am willing to be your partner to learn English, due to the reason that i also need the partner who want learning English.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the university, students get the knowledge in two ways, practical and theory. Purpose of study [2]

I will try you some suggestions on the introduction part.

1. Please, check clearly the question : what, in your opinion, should be the primary objective if university education? ...

2. Please check your answer :
the main purpose of university is to give information and knowledge for their ...
Note : You must mention your point of view in this part. You agree or disagree, or you give your opinion. For instance : I really agree that the university should provide information needed in the future.

3. Do not repeat the question, you can paraphrase the question.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should children, when they'll grow up, do same kind of jobs like their parents? - I have some doubts [6]

Hay,,,,
I will try to give you some suggestions on the introduction part, please check your answer and the question

It is better when you write your introduction regularly .
1. The first sentence : you write the general issue related the topic, For Instance : All people hope be able getting the decent work.
2. The second sentence : You mention the question, For example : Some people have considered that the children should have the same work with their parents.
3. The third sentence : You write your opinion in this sentence : For example : Personally, i disagree when the children must choose the same work with their parents, it is better when they choose the work based on their ability

Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Scholarship / School should cut off art and music out of curriculum to avoid the pressure on young students [4]

World needs to prepare young generation in ...
The role of education is to prepare children for ...

The schools have tried to provide the need wanted by the students as preparation for the modern world. I really disagree, when the schools must cut art and music out of the curriculum as it cannot be denied that we still need music and art in the modern world.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The children must grasp their mother tongue before learning a foreign language [2]

The majority of people have realized the importance to learn a foreign language. However, I really disagree when the children begin to learn a foreign language at primary school, due to the reason that they should grasp they mother tongue previously before learning the foreign language.

The children aged 3-12 year will be easier to learn a foreign language than the children aged over 13 years. At this age, their memory works well so as it will help them to learn the foreign language. In addition, the schoolchildren who start to learn a foreign language in secondary school will get plenty of difficulties as they are not accustomed to with this language, therefore they should know the foreign language in primary school. Moreover, the children will learn a wide range of lessons in secondary school than in primary school, so they can not focus to learn the foreign language in secondary school. However, I believe that the age is not the predominant factor which influences the student to learn a foreign language, interest to learn or learning motivation is the predominant factor which gives a pivotal influence to learn the foreign language.

Understanding the mother language is pivotal to be known by children. Therefore, in primary school, the children should focus to grasp their mother language. They cannot appreciate their mother language when they do not grasp this tongue. In addition according to the data from one of research published in Journal of Education in 2014 showed that the children who are overdue to learn the foreign language can grasp this language well, due to the reason that the pivotal factor which influences the children to learn a foreign language is the Interest to learn this language.

All in all, there is no doubt that the drawback of learning a foreign language in primary school outweighs the benefit which will be got by the children. Giving the understanding of the children regarding their mother language in early age is the best way to make them can appreciate their mother language.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The young leaders have a great deal of excellence than the old leaders [NEW]

Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

There is no doubt that the age is one of the factors which influence the performance of the leaders. I really agree that the young leaders have a great deal of excellence than old leaders such as physical strength, more visionary and having plenty of fascinating ideas.

The old leaders have a great deal of experience than the young leaders. It cannot be denied that the experience of the leader is pivotal to support them overcoming every problem. Therefore most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group. In addition, the majority of people or employees tend to appreciate the people who have an older age than them. In consequence, the leaders should belong to an older age group. However, it is important to note that on the other side, the young leaders have more advantages than the old leaders.

The visionary is one of the essential characters which must be owned by the leaders. This character can help to come up with their fascinating idea. According to the data from one of research published in Psychology Journal of Hamburg University in 2015 showed that the young leaders tend to have the visionary character to evolve their societies or employees than old leaders. Moreover, it cannot be denied that the physical strength also is pivotal to the leaders and there is no doubt that the young leaders have stronger physical strength than the old leaders.

All in all, in spite of the fact that the old leaders have more experience than young leaders, however according to the previous explaining, we can conclude that the young leaders are better than the old leaders based on some considerations.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / To get work is the main reason why people prefer to continue their study in the university [2]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university?

The awareness of the people to continue their study to college or university has increased in recent year, due to the reason that the level of competition to get work in the current era prosecutes them to have the high level of education.

In cannot be denied that some people attend university to improve their knowledge as they believe that learning in the university which uses some adequate facilities and getting the guidance from their lecture will increase their knowledge significantly. In addition, some people consider that studying in the university can increase their social status. Not only them, but also their families will feel proud and satisfied when they can study in the university, on the contrary they will feel ashamed when they cannot continue their study in the university. However, among some reasons, I believe that to get work is the predominant factor which influences the people to continue their study in the university.

The high level of competition to get work in the current era prosecutes the people to have the high level of education. It is indisputable fact that the majority of companies obligate their employees to have bachelor's degree. According to the survey result from Indonesia Survey Institute in 2015 showed that 87% of the totals of the respondent who have continued their study in the university consider getting work as the predominant reason why they continue their study in the university.

All in all, in spite of the fact that there are some reasons for the people why they continue their study at the university, however based on the data explained above, we can conclude that to get work is the main reason why the people prefer to continue their study in the university
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The prison and education are the best way to reduce the level of criminal offense. [2]

In many countries prisons is considered the best way to decrease crime. However, education is often argued to be more effective way. Which opinion do you most agree with?

Over time, the crime topic always has become the pivotal topic to be overcome as soon as possible. Prison is one of the best ways considered to be reducing the crime rate. Personally, I agree that the prison is effective to decrease the crime; however the convict should be educated in the prison to be a better person.

The main purpose of the prison is to make the convict feeling guilty. They must stay in the prison for some months or years depending on the level of their crime. However, according to the data from one of research published in Humanities Journal of Seoul University in 2013 showed that the prison is not the best way to decrease crime due to the reason that some convicts do the same criminal offense when they released from prison. It proves that the prison does not make the convict stopping to do the criminal offense. Based on the data, I still agree that prison is one of the best solutions to reduce the crime rate; however it cannot be denied that the system of the prison must be repaired.

The effective prison is the prison which is able to change the character of the convict, due to the reason that the convicts not only stay in the prison, but also they must be guided in the prison to be a better person. They must be educated to have expertise so when they are released from the prison, the can be the independent person. According to the data from Australia Survey Institute in 2014 showed that the majority of the convicts there have a decent job after they are released from the prison as actually they got the education in the prison before.

All in all, there is no doubt that the role of education to make the prison be more effective has proved. Therefore, I agree that prison and education are the best way to reduce the level of criminal offense.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some packaging of goods can give rise to the bad effect on the environment. [2]

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is indisputable fact that some packaging of goods can give rise to the bad effect on the environment. Personally, I think that not only the manufacturers but also the customers should take a part to reduce the amount of the packaging. However, it is better when the government also take action to overcome this problem.

It cannot be denied that the packaging of goods really helps the customers when shopping, due to the reason that bringing plenty of goods without packaging will bother the customers. Therefore, they should bring the shopping bag from their home which can be used every time. On the other side, the manufacturers should limit to produce the packaging of goods or they can produce the packaging which is sustainable packaging or biodegradable packaging. In the current era, several companies prefer to take action reducing the effect of the non-biodegradable packaging such as Starbucks Coffee and Coca-Cola. They have used the biodegradable packaging and plastic bottles which can be recycled to package their product.

To reduce the amount of packaging of goods, we also need the role of the government. In the current era, there is a wide range of manufacturers and customers which do not care about this problem. They still use the non-biodegradable packaging to package their product. Therefore, the government should make a regulation regarding the obligation to use sustainable packaging or biodegradable packaging. Based on the regulation, I believe that the amount of non-biodegradable packaging can be reduced.

All in all, to overcome the problem regarding using packaging non-biodegradable of goods excessive be needed the role from the manufacturers, customers and the government.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency has become the pivotal problem which must be overcome as soon as possible. [NEW]

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Over time, the juvenile delinquency has become the pivotal problem which must be overcome as soon as possible. I believe that the parents should be responsible to educate their children in early age. Applying a sense of discipline in the school and home is one of the best solutions to build the good character on the students.

The role of parents is pivotal to build the character of the students. They should get the attention and moral education from their parents in early age. For instance, the majority of students who come from the nuclear family have bad behavior, due to the reason that their parents do not give moral education to them. According to the data from Indonesia Survey Institute (ISI) 2015 showed that 93% the children who always get involved in the juvenile delinquency do not get the enough attention from their parents. However, it is important to note that the children who get the excessive attention from their parents will make them to be spoiled person. They will depend on their parents so they cannot be the independent person. Therefore, to build the good character on the children is needed the role of parents.

Applying a sense of discipline on the children in early age is one of the best solutions to overcome this problem. The children must be accustomed with the rules and the punishment. However, the punishment which is given must educate them. According to the data from one of research published in Psychology Journal of Tubingen University in 2014 showed that introducing a sense of discipline on the children in early age will build a sense of responsibility on the children. The data prove that the applying a sense of discipline can resolve this problem.

All in all, there is no doubt that the role of parents is pivotal to build the character of the students. I believe that there are plenty of ways to overcome this problem; one of them is applying a sense of discipline.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The governments have made a wide range of regulations to protect the people from danger. [2]

Governments make many rules to protect people from danger, for example, by making people wear seat belts in cars or not allowing smoking in public buildings. However, many people believe that there are too many rules nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

In recent years, the governments have made a wide range of regulations to protect the people from danger. I really agree that in the current era, there are too many rules than in the past, however it is important to note that the rules is made to the prosperity of the all people.

Some people consider that the roles made by government restrict their freedom. For instance, in the train, we must give the chair on the pregnant women or oldest people. The governments also make the rules for smoker and driver. The smokers cannot smoke in any place especially in public buildings and for driver; they must wear seat belts when they drive a car. These rules also are completed with the penalties, so people will get the penalties when they violate these rules. Therefore, for some people, it really limits their freedom. However, I believe that, these rules are made to create the prosperity of the all people.

The level of accident in the recent years has declined. According to the data from one of research published in Governance Journal of Hamburg University in 2015 showed that there were relations between the levels of discipline society on the rules with the level of accident. More and more people who obey the rules, then the level of accident will be getting smaller. It has proved that the rules of the government are effective to protect people from danger.

All in all, I agree that in recent years, the governments have made a wide range of rules; however I believe that those rules aim to create the prosperity of the all people.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The role of women as mothers is pivotal to build the character of their children [2]

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

There are a wide range of problems on the young people in the recent years such as juvenile delinquency, drugs and some severe problems others. The role of the parents especially the mothers really is needed to overcome this problem. I really agree that the mother's behavior who does not give enough attention to their children will give rise to a bad effect on the children.

In recent years, some women prefer to work than staying in their home to care their children. They entrust their children to be cared by baby sister. According to the recent data from International Labor Institute in the UK showed that the total of women employee is increasing in recent years and as a matter of fact, they do not have plenty of time to care their children. It has given rise to the problems to their children due to the reason that their children did not get enough attention from their mothers.

The role of mothers to build the character of their children is pivotal than we realize it. The father, baby sister or the teacher cannot substitute the role of a mother. According to the one of recent research published in Psychological Journal of Washington University showed that the majority of teenagers who have got involved in the juvenile delinquency did not get the enough attention from their mothers. Therefore, the women should prefer to stay in their home to care their children than work in the office.

All in all, there is no doubt that the role of women as mothers is pivotal to build the character of their children and it is important to note that no one can substitute the role of a mother.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The health is one of the pivotal sectors which must be cared by the government. [2]

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The health is one of the pivotal sectors which must be cared by the government. There are plenty of ways which has done by the government to increase the quality of health in the country. The majority of develop countries have preferred to spend a wide range of expenditures to buy expensive medical technology and procedures. However, I really agree that the government should also allocate the large budgets to get health education to their societies.

Some develop countries such as Singapore, Japan, Korea and the other develop countries be known as the countries which have the best medical technology than the other countries. They have allocated the large budget to provide the sophisticated equipment. As a result, there are plenty of people who come from the other countries visiting these counties to medicate their diseases. However, unfortunately some of these countries do not think how to prevent the diseases; they just focus to cure the diseases. Giving the health education to societies is the best way to keep distance the societies from the diseases.

It is indisputable fact that there are a wide range of people who need the health education. They do not know how they keep their health or prevent and cure some diseases. According to the recent data from Societies Health Institute (IHS) in Africa showed that 78 % of the total of population there did not get the health education from the government, moreover the level of societies health there can be told much lower than the other places. It has proved that there is positive correlation between the health educations with the level of people health. Therefore, allocating the large budget on health education is the best decision.

All in all, it can be denied that providing the medical technology and procedure is pivotal, however, it will be better when the government also provide the large budget to give health education to their societies.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The numbers of skyscrapers buildings have increased in some countries especially develop countries. [2]

As populations grow and cities become more crowded, there is pressure throughout the world to construct ever-taller building to provide accommodation and offices. Many people object to such developments, citing the social as well as the physical dangers. Do you agree with objections to skyscrapers?

In recent years, the numbers of skyscrapers buildings have increased in some countries especially develop countries. It can be denied that it has given rise to some problems. Based on the some data, I totally agree that these buildings have led severe enough problems not only on societies but also on the environment.

The number of labor who got an accident can be told very high especially on the development process of the skyscraper buildings. According to the recent data from Indonesia Labor Institute showed that the total of labor which got an accident saw a increasing dramatically of 256 cases between 2013 and 2014. Based on the data, we can conclude that these buildings have caused physical dangers to the labors. Moreover, it is important to note that; these buildings not only have caused the problems to societies but also have given rise to a big problem on the environment.

The majority of skyscraper buildings have used glass material which can produce the large amount of heat. The amount of heat excessive has given rise to a bad effect on the environment due the reason that it can harm the balance of the environment. In addition, these buildings have used Air Conditioning (AC) in large quantities. It can also produce the large amount of heat; furthermore AC can produce the Freon substance or CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) which can cause depletion of the ozone layer. Based on the data, there is no doubt that these buildings have led severe enough problems on the environment.

All in all, in spite of the fact that the skyscrapers buildings have some benefits, however it can be denied that these buildings have led a wide range of problems on societies especially on the environment.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Balance between city development and life quality. Commercialisation of Residential Neighbourhoods [2]

Dear Afuro

I will try to give you several suggestions. Please, check your essay, to be honest i cannot find the main idea your essay due to the reason that your essay is so rambling and irregular.

It is important to note that, in the title, you mention the life quality, however you did not explain it in your paragraph.

Maintaining balance between city [...] spatial- physical and traffic aspects.

Your paragraph should consist of several sentences...
1.The first sentence is your main idea : Balance between city development and life quality
2. The second and third sentence is your supporting sentence
3. The last sentence is your conclusion
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Growth of the human population excessive has given rise up wide ranges of problems. [NEW]

Growth of the human population excessive has given rise up wide ranges of problems. Unconsciousness of the people to take a part to overcome this problem is the predominant factor which has led this problem. However, I disagree, when this problem considers as the greatest problem faced by human due to the reason that the crime rate, the juvenile delinquency, corruption are much greater than this problem.

The majority of people which have stayed in the countryside do not realize the importance to limit the number of children owned. Plenty of them have considered that the children are one of the revenue sources. According to the recent data from Indonesian Survey Institute showed that growth of the human population in countryside was three fold greater than the city. Therefore, to overcome this problem, the government must focus to give realizing to the people in countryside and try to explain the drawbacks having plenty of children.

It cannot be denied that this problem is pivotal to be overcome as soon as possible. However, it does not show that this problem is the greatest problem faced by human, due to the reason that overtime the government has tried to repair this problem. It is proved by the data from Indonesian Humanity Survey Institute (IHSI) in 2015. They showed that the total of growth of the human in Indonesia saw a declining by 2.8 billion for three years. Based on the data, we can conclude that this problem is not one of the greatest problems faced by human.

Al in all, it cannot be denied that this problem has given rise up wide ranges of problems to societies, however the problems regarding the crime rate, the juvenile delinquency, corruption are more important to be overcome as soon as possible.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The comparison regarding the number of population in Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 [3]

Hai aini

I will give you some suggestions

The population by ages in Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and 2050 has been depicted in the chart. Overall, both Yemenis and Italian age between 15 to 59 years old is majority while age 60 above is minority.

1. In the sentence, you use present perfect passive, i think, it is better when you use simple present passive. and you are supposed to use "comparison word" in your sentence.

For Instance :

The comparison regarding the number of population in Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 can be seen in the chart. At first glance, we can conclude that the people aged 15 to 59 had the biggest proportion.....
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Overall, there are three stages generally to reuse the rainwater - IELTS TASK 1 diagram [3]

The diagram depicts the work of reused of rainwater
(The process regarding how rainwater is reused can be seen in the diagram).Overall, three ways of reissued water ...(Overall, there are three stages generally to reuse the rainwater)

This stored water then passes treatment plant process for purity so that it can be usedBY HUMAN , such as for drinking and ...
... thereby the water is used through for the gardenin which (WHICH) will be absorbed into the ground and flow to (FLOW INTO ) the river by drain.

Before water IS reused for the necessity, the water ...
All of the water flowing to (FLOWING ON) the river will be absorbed by ...
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The situation of the village in Stokeford after changes between 1930 and 2010 [3]

The comparing regarding the situation of the village in Stokeford between 1930 and 2010 can be seen in the maps. At first glance, we can see markedly that in 2010 there were wide ranges of residential area; on the contrary we cannot find the farmland in this year like in 1930. In addition, the number of development in this place can be told increasing significantly for 80 years.

Moving to a detailed difference, the societies in Stokehard tended to use the farmland area to build their houses. In 2010 the societies used the area of farmland located beside of river stroke and primary school to be occurred as housing area. In 1930, beside of post office, there was a central shop of the societies, however the area used to occurred the residential area in 2010.

Interestingly, the location of the post office, primary school, and bridge had still stayed in the same location for 80 years.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / For Children, Story Books vs. TV or Computer Games, Which is Better? [2]

Hay JanFan

I will try to give you some suggestions.

Please, check the question : Reading story books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Please check your answer : Story books has long been a dominated means of both entertainment and teaching for children, while TV and computers games emerged in the past several decades and posed a challenge to books.( There are wide ranges of ways done by children to spend their leisure time such as reading story books, watching TV and playing computer.)

This has sparked controversy over which one is better for the young ages. For me, story books overtake others without doubt. ( Note : You must mention your statement, AGREE or DISAGREE in this sentence, For instance : I really agree that reading story books is better than playing computer and watching TV..................................
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The procedure of processing cocoa beans into chocolate [2]

A breakdown regarding the procedure of processing cocoa beans into chocolate can be seen in the diagrams. Overall, the process to produce the chocolate divides into two stages. The first stage, the cocoa beans is processed into the main ingredient to makes chocolate and the second the stage, the main ingredient is processed into liquid chocolate in the factory.

Based on the diagram, we can know that the main ingredient to make chocolate is the beans of the cocoa tree which can be found in South America, Africa and Indonesia. Before the cocoa beans are sent to the fabric to be processed, the cocoa beans must go through a fermentation process then be dried using solar light.

In the manufacturers, the cocoa beans will be roasted at a temperature 350 C, and then to separate the cocoa beans from their shell, the people use the winnowing machine. The last process, the cocoa beans will be ground to produce liquid chocolate.
Yusri31   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The stages which must be passed by the products before the products is ready on sale. [2]

A breakdown regarding the stages which must be passed by the products before the products is ready on sale. Overall, these stages are divided into 2 processes which consist of the flow of manufacturing process and the flow of manufacturing feedback.

Moving to a detailed process, Raw materials and manufactured components must pass wide ranges of stages such as storage, production planning, assembly, inspection, testing, packaging, dispatch and sales. These stages are the flow of manufacturing process.

To increase the total of sale, the manufacturers conduct market research to know design and the type of advertising which will be used to promote the product. The result of this process will be needed for the packaging process. These stages are pivotal due to the reason that design of product and type of advertising will influence the interest of the consumers to but the products. These stages are the flow of manufacturing feedback.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - What is the best way to decrease crime rate? Prisons or education? [3]

In this contemporary era, the number of crime case in many countries shows an increasing every year.

Note : It is better when you use the simple present perfect. For Example : The number of crime case in this contemporary era has increased in recent years

The majority of countries do everything possible to prevent figures were increases,

Note : The majority of countries try to do a lot of measure to prevent this increase.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Young people will become competent leaders if they gt support and guide by senior person. [2]

Most of the companies around the world headed by older man(Note : Where is the verb in this sentence??) , whilst some believe(Note : Where is the subject???) thatyoung leaders more capable to bring the company in achieving its target(Note : Where is the verb???) . I would argue that young people need to give( Hard to be understood)(Note : Young People are needed to give.......) a change to lead the company as long as they fulfill the requirements.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Spending budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures rather than on health education [2]

Several parts of the world spend their health revenues on...(Note : It is better when you use simple present perfect in this sentence, for example : Some countries have preferred to spend their health revenues on the development of medical technology and procedures.)

However, I strongly agree that this budget ...( However,I strongly believe that the budgets will be much more useful when is used to give the health education for societies)
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Plenty of people have interested to be entrepreneur based on a wide range of reasons [3]

In recent years, plenty of people have interested to be entrepreneur based on a wide range of reasons. For my part, I suppose that there are a lot of benefits which will be got when we decide to be a businessman or businesswomen than the drawbacks.

It cannot be denied that people who work as an entrepreneur have a big possibility to bankrupt, due to the reason that they do not have a permanent income amount. According to the recent data from Indonesia Labor Institute (ILI) showed that there were 324 entrepreneurs who were insolvent in the last ten years. The impermanent income owned was the predominant factor which caused this problem. However, actually it is an ordinary problem for the entrepreneur. The entrepreneur needs those problems as a challenge to be better, as they will get plenty of benefits from this challenge.

To be an entrepreneur will teach us to be an independent person as we will learn to control the revenue and expenditures of our business. In addition, the majority of entrepreneurs have provided the work for unemployment as they will need the labor to help them to evolve their business. According to the recent data from Indonesia Labor Institute (ILI) showed that the entrepreneurs have a strong role to reduce the unemployment rate in the country.

All in all, based on the some considerations explained, I believe that the advantages to be entrepreneur outweigh the disadvantages. The governments are supposed to encourage people who want to be entrepreneur.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Crucial factors which influence the successful students to take a job between school and university. [3]

It cannot be denied that the work experience will help the students to achieve the wanted work. Therefore, some people prefer to take a job after finishing their study in senior high school. Actually, there are plenty of things which must be considered by students related this situation. Personally, I encourage students who want to continue their study in the university and preferring to take the job after finishing their study in the university.

The work experience owned by students will support their study in the university. According to the one of research published in Psychology Journal of Harvard University showed that one of the predominant factors which influenced the successful of the students is the work experience. The students who have a work experience will be much more superior to the class. Therefore, it is better when the people have the work experience before they attend the university. However, it is important to note that there are plenty of drawbacks which must be noticed by students who want to take a job between school and university.

The learning motivation of the student who worked previously will be much lower than the students who continue their study in the university directly. According to research result published in Makara Journal in 2015 showed that taking a job between school and university will decrease the learning motivation of the student when they attend the university as they have a high level of laziness. It cannot be denied, the learning motivation will influence the successful of the student in the university.

All in all, in spite of the fact there are plenty of benefits which will be got by students who prefer to work between school and university, however, the students are supposed to notice the drawbacks of the decision.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry. [4]

Over time, new creative business has blown up in the market of industries (the Industry market). A lot of people tend to build( It is better when you use present perfect, as the previous sentence used the present perfect. )(For Example : A lot of people have tended to build) their own business rather than working in one(a) industry. However, I believe that this(You must write clearly, "this" in this sentence makes ambiguity) has more benefits than drawbacks.

To sum up, bright business is good chance which ...
Therefore, I firmly believe that there are several benefits for being entrepreneur rather than office workers.(I firmly believe that, to be entrepreneur is much better decision than to be employee in the office.
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The packaging is growing; Several companies are working to reduce waste and find green alternatives [3]

Recently, every product or good have covered with excess packaging.( This sentence is so general ) Whether most of them argue (THEM ?? you did not mention previously) that theplenty of packaging of goods is the responsibility of industries or customers should try to do not buy these products.( You have 3 verbs in this sentence) . (Reducing the amount of packaging is the responsibility of the industries and customers, THEY should try to do not buying these products). However, I strongly believe that both industries and customers play leading role in this issue.( In my point of view, the main subject who must be responsible to overcome this problem is customers and manufactures)
Yusri31   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The electronic media can strengthen the personal relationships between people not the reverse. [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The main purpose of the electronic media is to facilitate the humans to communicate. In spite of the fact the use of electronic media give rise to some problems; however I really disagree when the electronic media is considered as one of factors which has bestowed a bad influence on personal affairs between people.

Addiction is one of the bad effects from the use of electronic media which often is occurred on the children. They tend to spend their time with their gadget or computer than interacting with their families or friends. According to the recent data Children Protection Institute (CPI) showed that 67 % of the total of children in the world spending their time with their electronic device around 10- 12 hours per day. Therefore, they did not have plenty of time to interact not only with their friends but also with their families. Nevertheless, it is important to note that this problem has just occurred in the children and I believe that this problem can be overcome easily.

It cannot be denied that the media electronic has simplified to communicate among family members or colleague. The electronic media has provided plenty of figures which can aid the people to send and receive messages from their colleague. According to the recent data from Information and Technology Center in the UK showed that the communication intensity of the people in the world is increasing in the last ten years. Therefore, the electronic device has considered being able increasing the frequency of the people to correspond. There is no doubt that the frequency of the people to correspond will strengthen the personal relationships between people.

All in all, I still with my statement that the electronic media can strengthen the personal relationships between people not the reverse.

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