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Posts by PHA2016
Name: Pattahindi
Joined: Sep 9, 2016
Last Post: Oct 18, 2016
Threads: 39
Posts: 62  
Likes: 4
From: Indonesia
School: english studio

Displayed posts: 101 / page 1 of 3
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PHA2016   
Oct 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / As Iraqi and coalition forces invade Mosul, the last ISIS stronghold in Iraq [2]

The Kurdish army stayed alongside Tigris River Valley. They had been surveyed and mapped each inch everything which was Islamic Stated people belong. They had been beating of ISIS to from Fallujah in the mountain and now they forward to Mosul. While U.S. Soldiers were stick together and addition militias from Iraqi, Turkey, Iran and others. Now, situation in Mosul was not conducive. The United Nations was expected more over a million people will be moved to safe place. ISIS rebellions were using a trap in buildings. Some people were facing ISIS terror if they captivated they would be prisoned, beaten until beheaded. On the other hand, ISIS still controlled of Fazilia and sat up heavy gunfire and also sniper and suicide bomber.

Source: news.nationalgeographic..../2016/10/islamic-state-isis-iraq-mosul-syria-offensive/
PHA2016   
Oct 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The death of the Thai king throws the country into turmoil [2]

After king of Thai's, Bhumibol Adulyadej is passed. Many people doubted succession not to be soft in this monarchy country. Commonly, milestone in Thailand's politic involved by army power. This situation able to under control in Bhumibol regime which was Thai's army loyal to the king but after his gone the day uncertainty in Thailand. This country had riot in 2014 where the action class violent middle class people against the rural people then this brought the army taken advantage from it. Nowadays, many public goods are closed and some multinational and international organizations have been announcing to their labor to spend their time to work at home for couple weeks. Thai's official confirmed that prince, Maha Vajiralongkorn will be continuing his father throne. For this situation, some analysts argued it may be caused friction because the prince unpopular among Thai's.

source: economist
PHA2016   
Oct 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / How many books have been read at Burnley by men and women? [6]

Hello Lola12,

just remind you to attach the picture or diagram

... by males was experienced ,[need conjuction] it was far smaller, than ...

In thatfollowing year, males have read ...
In the final year of the given period [need verb ], the increasing trend in the males ...
The only decrease in the women number decreasedof to read books which was observed In 2014...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Keep your goals to yourself by Derek Sivers [2]

Many people have personal goals that it imagined to step next closer but honestly, if you tell your dream to other people that it would not good feeling. In fact, psychology expert said that saying someone your objective make them unhappy. According to Derek Sivers, many people try to pursue the goals such as less weight with jogging then you tell to someone which good reaction is good for your motivation. However if they have opposite reaction you will be less motivation to hard work. Hundred people involved in separated test. As a result, those have announced most close at the achieving the goal. Next, what can people do? Siver said, they should resist temptation to announce the goal and deliver social acknowledgment. In Addition, if people attempted to someone goal, just say exactly well done.
PHA2016   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why the letter X represents undefined or an unknown? [2]

Letter 'X' is represented undefined or unknown. It something no definition such as the x-files, the x-price, the x-project and so on. The question is why this letter which is representative of unknown? Terry Moore have been explained it by learn some letters or language some countries. Starting Arabic language, he found in letter Syin. Moore elaborated that Arabic language symbols were containing mathematic wisdom and then it translated. Next it known as AL Jabra. However, one of problem was the Arabic symbol unpopular in European countries. To solve this, Moore said that Letter 'shin' translated become 'say on' which meant something that it some undefined and unknown thing. The problem from medieval Spanish scientist are translating these materials. The word 'Shin' become 'say on' cannot be render into Spanish language because Spanish difficult to say this sound. These problems be resolved by using Greek symbol X (read: kai) and then, this letter translated into English become X.

Source: TED, Terry Moore
PHA2016   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hundreds of crisscrossing tracks offer a glimpse of life in Africa around 19,000 years ago [2]

A hundred mile from the volcano the Maasai, Africa, the scientist have cataloged preserved human footprint in the mud from 5,000 to 19,000 years ago. More over 350 footsteps sketch in about square 50 meters, it larger than badminton court. Some the path seen to show around a dozen people mostly female and kids who travelled across mud together forward southwest. In overt time researchers have been published their study that they say that it will resemble their result which was identify at least 24 tracks, some possible joggers, more than a dozen people traveling together. For tracking of ancient people footsteps, the researcher created 3-D scans entire of Engare Sero, dance hall and all.

Source: news.nationalgeographic
PHA2016   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / It attained 200.000 spectators? History of Circus as The Amusement Show [2]

Hello Afdhel,

In the history,in the last century , Circus was watched by ...
Commonly, Circusthese was held in the midst ...

... relishing the circus iswas The ancient Romans.

After his penetrationexhibition became famous, he ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Taklimakan Desert is one of the famous wilderness in Asia [3]

Hello Afdhel,

... up to 337,600 kilometers, Taklimakanit [pronoun ] becomes the second...
... dunes up to 250 meters high that it are mostly consisted of plants.

... as a salt tree, delivers theare very huge volume of water...

.., Alhagi Sparifolia does soto follow the hydraulic conductance.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / How To Balances Between Life and Work? [6]

Hello pokpok16,

After all However, people need to take ...

And herethe health and career experts have been shared tips to help and find the balance thatwhichis was right for us, asthe first, let go of ...

... people have less control and are more bent to stress.

... work sometimes need to be refreshing, that it causedtoby espouse productivity of to work and life that theseneeds needed good health ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Programming bacteria to detect cancer (and maybe treat it) [2]

Nowadays, technology made big change entire human life. It used rapidly and computer involved by scientist to create more innovation. For example computer program able to assist Bacteria to detect cancer inside human body. An explanation from researcher, Tal Danino said that bacteria can help human to detect cancer even another disease. He developed a software where it can write algorithm DNA inside the Bacteria. This program can communicate with Bacteria molecule. The method was bacteria synchronize together and then grew up as a colony. Then, the program assisted the colony to spread out to detect disease that phenomena he called a supernova. Interestingly his program Bacteria grew naturally in human body and sent signal to the machine and the detect cancer or treat. It will be benefit to detect cancer and other disease in the future. His vision has technology can support in human life.

Source: TED, Tal Danino
PHA2016   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tax dodgers in India and Indonesia have been given a chance to come clean [2]

Two developing countries in Asia, India and Indonesia have same problems about tax revenue. India where have more over 1 billion people only have a few tax revenue approximately 1 million rupees while Indonesia's 255 citizens number, there 27 million people are registered. Both countries have GDP ratio number at 11 percent. Regarding this issues, India's government has expected to collect in 4.4 billion dollar from the 64,275 taxpayers which targeted people who live and worked in overseas. In addition, India just paid 373 million dollar from 633 people who owned up. Whereas Indonesia which is trying an amnesty tax. A number 328,000 people have taken advantage when tax amnesty launched in July which ended in September. The taxpayer are politicians and businessmen. They are suspect hidden their wealth and save money in overseas bank.
PHA2016   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / First farm to grow veg in a desert using only sun and seawater by Alice Klein [2]

Hello Ifan,

... and officially launched yesterday which was seawater greenhouse.

situated in Port Augusta region [your sentence not complete] , this greenhouse is ...

ThatThis a 20-hecatare field is ...

This panel also acts as heater to control and keep ...

... solar reservoir, although it is was more economically ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The logging industry affects the environment in a number of negative ways. [2]

Hello herlysa,

The logging industry gives gave many negative ...

Those are were the wild broken, ... (use past tense because you cited from another source)

The trees decreased contaninating air.

Wooden is was important to (...) because wooden it wasgive gave a life to all ... [avoid repetition ]

NB: you should be careful in your tenses

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: HOW TO GROW A FOREST IN YOUR BACKYARD [6]

Hello Abu Gosok,

... Sharma talked on TED with an appealing topic by trying to share his ...

Hisin the first experience hehave been working with nature is ...

To make it become true, you can start it from the soil [confusing sentence]

... for the deficiency which may be inhibitedof the seedling to grow and do something to make it better ...

Hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Let's All Obsess Over This Intricate Map of Alt Music History [3]

The history of band music performance started to a legendary band in England, The Sex Pistols begin its performance in 4 June 1976, Manchester Hall. Now, this performance has been peak up to rank one all the time. However it not the band but the spectators made the exhibition famous. A counter culture rock music spilled out from these. The band had influenced many kinds music today such as punk, ska, hardcore, grunge, etc. To connect those complex relations all band, a researcher looked by the poster on a circuit board from a transistor radio namely music-mapping print. As a result, firstly, researcher used symbolic code commercially available transistor radio it came out in 1954 then manifested into poster form and frozen in time. Secondly, the music mapping used musical connections to identify listening recommendations. Those between band types and layers between legends like The Clash and Television-are delightfully easy to find this music map.
PHA2016   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / AN ARTIST'S UNFLICHING LOOK AT RACIAL VIOLENCE [3]

Hello Bams,

Recently, more of artist's in America getting discrimination in their life ...NEED VERB.

In 2005, one of the black ras arts's created six thousand glasses x symbol ... TOO LONG, NEED CONJUCTION SUCH AS THAT OR WHICH

This video illustratesILUSTRATED (PAST) the phenomena of ...

... the american buy it and thanTHEN change the color to ...

... phenomenon the black art's feelFELT unfair.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Let is simplify legal jargon By Alan Siegel [2]

Alan Siegel in his speech on TED talked that today government was complexity responsible which run a 16 pages constitutions where took at 2,074 pages and more than 400,000 words to present into senate. He explained the simple things achieving this about transparency and empathy in building of humanity and communication. Siegel as keynote speaker on this session as capacity in businessmen. Had been developed design business and focus a new people and interactive with others such as the government, people and business for long years ago. He explained to be more simple it how to organize the legal document to check and re-check. He said that Obama always have time to correct and all important document. Moreover Siegel explained about changing the content that he proud about date, calendar for large company as IBM. IBM have responsibility in business. Along his speech He cited many data from statistic, for example 1 in 10 taxpayers received a notice or letter from IRS, a business organization in America. In the last, he had quotation from former president, Thomas Jefferson which said when the subject is strong, simplicity is the only way to treat it. It was meant agency or organization to make clarity, transparency, simplicity and national priority.

Source: TED
PHA2016   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / IDEAS WORTH DATING, ideas which will be matched with character, [3]

Hello Rosa,

Then, he searched them (...) people who he thought will have ...

... food is the problem but food it is also the solution.

Then Jane McGonigal thinksthough that we have to ...

After that he met a mathemagician who ...

hope these help,
PHA2016   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / People use their voice to tell others what they want to hear, instead of what they need [3]

Hello Fauzan,

Nowadays, most of people use their voice to telling people the things that they wanted to hear instead of the things they needed to.

Therefore (you may change this transition with another such, on the other hand ) we can recognize silence, toas name them, and to understand that silence is have not to be sources of shame.

ThereforeFINALLY , we can fight the silence to reach a truly freedom.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The punishment depends from different circumstances and motivations of the crime [2]

Some people believe that there should fixed there should fixed punishment for each type of crime, others however that the cirumtances of an should be taken into account when deciding the punishment.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


Many people believe that punishment of crime type should be cleared while others argued that the circumstance of person to instance to crime because motivation factor and might be taken into account before deciding punishment. In this essay I will discuss of both of views. However, I agree that law should be cleared in each crime type.

Common believe that people should be obey of law. It is meant that people who commit to crime should be looked by circumstance and motivation. For example, and economic reason. Some people evolve in crime because they are unemployment. In urban area, number of crime people are average young people. They have not education, low economic background. As a result they cannot another choice and then become a young gangster. Government should be more attention of their reason and then give punishment.

On the other hand, law maker should be fixed the variety of crime. Nowadays, many variation of crime cannot be cleared because government was still confused to finish it. For example corruption, It is extraordinary crime. Many people are jailed most of public representative, government officer. They have been punished fewer 20 year while China have policy to death penalthy of this case. In the other hand, other crime such as drugs crime have death penalty. Those problem have to be more elaborate and fixed before punishment.

In conclusion, those statements that I mentioned before. I stand the punishment need cleared and I recommend that stakeholders need be discuss intensionally about it.
PHA2016   
Oct 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Review: Weird Orange Crocodiles found Gorging on Bats in Gabon Caves [3]

Hello Yonathan,

WHILE The team's crocodile expert Matthew...

Withit is at least 5 kilometres (...), its difficult to precisely knowTO KNOW PRECISELY how many crocs CROCKS/ALIGATORS are in this cave.

... swim through is essentially ESSENTIAL an alkaline slurry formed ...

... dry season in the caves,AND they emerge during ...
PHA2016   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / OPEC agrees its first production cut since 2008 [3]

Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) made a decision that member of this organization cannot agree about cartel system because Iran and Saudi Arabia was still rival in this sectori. On September 28th the OPEC members gathered a meeting and agreed to cut and limit of production to 32.5-33 m barrels per day. Saudi Arabia was decreased significantly in production. Next, these will take noticed of what the agreement talked about Saudi Arabic. This country had insisted that it would cut output only if other producers followed suit. However, This condition, OPEC brought into direct conflict with other such as like Iran. This country had been decreased of oil production while the Algiers Agreement will be possible if Iran won of argumentation. On the other hand, this agreement already discussed about oil price whereas the oil market had been decreased the price this year. For additional information, OPEC still powerfull in oil global market.
PHA2016   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Review: Mini Dog Robot can Bounce, Open Doors and even Climb Fences [4]

Hello Yonathan,

The current version of Minitaur weighs 6 kilogrammes and can crawl, sidle crabwise ... YOUR SENTENCE NEED VERB

Attachment toOF the end of robot's leg ...

The electronic areWAS built using ...

... when disaster and US military are likely to be interestedBETTER YOU PUT ONLI ONE VERB IN ONE SENTENCESTO BE INTERESTED in Minitaur as a sensor ...

Hope These Help
PHA2016   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The next outbreak? We're not ready [3]

Hello Kiev,

The problem is, there are farTHESE PROBLEM ARE more investment on nuclear ...

BillBILL GATES/GATES identified three (...) a larger area, it was because IT WAS the ultimately great (...), the virus doesDID not spread thorough ...

... health system such as to take advance the use of technologies, mobile phones, and WITHOUT COMMA sciences.

Hope these helps,
PHA2016   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Anthony Goldbloom, Machine learning expert, shared his experience in TED channel. [6]

The jobs we will lose to machines-and the ones we want not

Anthony Goldbloom, Machine learning expert shared of his experience in TED channel. He argued that machine has changed people live which it not only able to task simple things but many applications. Machines are utilized in industry and academia such as data operating, cooking, game, data sharing, grading essay and disease testing. Simply, machine capable to operate many things in every situation. This hard to imagine that machine was able like human do. However, machine was brought some negative impact in people live. Online crime, credit card hacking as two of many effects caused by using machine. In this situation, people should be aware about growth of modern technology. As a result, with the globalization era, machine has responsible to change of human condition.

Source: TED
PHA2016   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is the Internet really dangerous? Inappropriate contents, lack of direct communication [3]

Hello Abraham,

... approaches could be theaddressedin solution to overcome suchsome phenomenon.
... set of restriction to ban (be better put conjunction because your sentences too long )which/that the websites contains ...

The third, family is was required to monitor ...

However, these could be diminished by working side ... (you should avoid redundancy word as you mentioned twice such as could be )

Hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary Task: Physic Nobel goes to discovers of world of stranger things [2]

Hello Yonathan,

Their work involved by using the mathematical (...) superconductors and superfluidssuper-fluids.

This Those/these work will give to rise toa new developments in material ...

but Thouless and Kosterlitz showed that (need subject/pronoun ) was wrong and used ...

... layers could actually appear in materials by taking the form of discrete topological steps (need verb after gerund) so you can write: by taking the form of discrete has needed in topological steps

Duncan Haldane also explainsexplained (past tense) the magnetic properties ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE WAS A LOT MORE FUN ON TWITTER [2]

Twitter has taken apart of America vice presidential debate of the 2016. Two candidates, Tim Kaine and Mike Pence are debating to grab American's voters. Along session, Kaine interrupted a lot while Pence was calm. Americans who was attended in venue which it predict Pence sixty percent won as vice president. This debate was successful because twitter gave real-time power in US democracy. Mike Pence spent much time not defending Donald Trump whereas Pence was brought out and stand in Hillary Clintons' campaign. He has only need material to win the race. On the other hand, for Donald Trump, he promised to tweet his running debate yesterday and ensured that many journalists are able to watch his feed in twitter. In the end, the debate was over and the election will be postponed for more than a month.
PHA2016   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - Ken Robinson says schools kill creative [3]

Hello Abraham Lincoln,

However, If childrenthey [may use adverb] are not prepared to be ...

the This issue which should be addressed is how to ...

Ken Robinson explains (EXPLAINED, because it took from recorded video ) that there are two kinds of intelligence are (double verb ):

It More often than not comes about through the interaction ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Young Malawian Boy Build a Windmill [3]

Wind is free source and an alternative energy. This energy is more advantage than disadvantage. For intense, Malawian inventor, William Kamkwamba made a windmill machine to generate electric in his home. He invented of this equipment by reading a science book. Soon after reading, he made some experiment, then it changed the structure specially the windmill design and bought some material to assemble. Next, He tested this machine for tree times and then it was assembly by raw material such as plastic pipe, bamboo, propeller, cable, storage battery, etc. This machine is rotated by wind. As a result, it is able to generate electric which supplies to four lights and two radios. In age 19 years old, dropped out at the school, he spent many time in energy for better life in Malawi village. Next plan, he prepare to build hydro-power energy in Malawi.

Source: TED
PHA2016   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / A research published that the amount of ivory elephants in Africa were significantly decreased [2]

A legal trade of ivory would wipe out elephants

Recently, a research published that the amount of ivory elephants in Africa were significantly decrease of demand to overseas. It caused by legalizing trade. The study also announced that ivory demand is twice greater than amount of ivory. Now, number of elephants are decline significantly. In fact, demand for ivory in Asia that these some 27,000 elephants are killed a year. It was against ivory trade that some countries around the world are set to discuss about international ivory trade which banned 1989. Some argued that the illegal trade would decline as result of legal sale ivory. However, others argued that a legalized trade will bring some elephant populations are increase enough. Zimbabwe and Namibia where both proposed bring back the trade on the ivory. Next, these scenario would happen that looked by new study had result which these countries have quotas high enough to meet demand. It meant, over-exploitation drive elephants in danger.
PHA2016   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Digital advertising: Doesn't ad up [3]

Hello Erwin,

This year's advertising week event has had been marred by uncertainty.

The first is that Facebook and Google have simply ...(may you write, Firstly, facebook and google are simply then these become too dominant)

The Association of National Advertisers hashave (because plural ) devised a model contract ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Star basketball player endorses Hillary Clinton [3]

Cavalier stars basketball player, James LeBron has supported Hillary Clinton for next president of the United States. He said that, He endorsed Hillary because this candidate will continue Barack Obama Legacy. Moreover, He believe that, Hillary has committed to provide a good policy in education and reduce the violence. According to LeBron, The United States need a president who bring in unity and peace among other people. No matter where she or he were from even the color of skin. American must stand equally. LeBron has argued this issue after attacking some policeman and his charity organization announced a program in August 2015 to help students attend college.
PHA2016   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Christina Warinner: Tracking ancient diseases using ... plaque (TED) [4]

Hello mdamanhuri77,

.., hope to well-understand about evolutionary vulnerabilities (...) can enhance to mantain maintain our health ...
... DNA from old bones and from this, then she reconstructs the human genome at differentsdifferent points for changing that it might be related to adapt...

... health challenges are face the complex form and ...
These disease revolute to complex component. In order to understand these disiases , we need to lear about ...

NB: pat attention to misspelling word because many word was wrong typing
PHA2016   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Budgies reveal the rule that means birds never collide in flight [3]

Hello Yonathan,

... into each other now isn't is not mystery again, ...
Manydam stated that this group hierarchy (...) moves up and which moves down. (double conjuction words)

... available, drones have an ability to communicate with each other ...
But scientist are still developing technology solutions that it can achieve what ...

more attention to your conjuction word

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary Task Every Kids Need Champion [6]

Hello Dioba,

Rita Pierson, a teacher, has spent her entire life ...
She iscome came from educator familie...
Some of those changes have been good but some of them have been bad. [avoid repetion word] She argued that about poverty, low attendance ...
She was regrets (need past tense), why people ...
In addition , She she also said quotes (...) relationship will be affected to zero significant learning.

NB: pay attention to repetition word and tenses

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Storm Wiped Out Power to An Entire State in Australia [3]

For couple days, South Australia is still fighting with storm effect after power device had turned down. ABC News reported that power had been resuming at the center of Adelaide on Thursday while a thousand consumers are without electric supply and horrible weather expected recovery completely.

According to ABC, the storm destructed public facilities such schools, shops, and gas stations were closed. The government spoke that blackout cannot been prohibited. Official said force winds took out twenty two towers and tore down power lines. This dropped down many trees and rooftops ripped off buildings.

"This is an unprecedented event. Nobody has seen such a catastrophic failure of so much major infrastructure in any other part of the nation." ABC quoted from official South Australia.
PHA2016   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : The September 30 Black Moon Explained [7]

Hello Sari,

Nowadays, people is are extremely interesting in (...), etc. bB ecause of lunar event draws...
... people from Western hemisphere were experienced another ...
This happens because moon surface that is was illuminated by sunlight ...
Actually, It can not cannot be watched like any ...

hope these help,

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