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Posts by ryan31
Name: Riandi
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 65
Posts: 89  
From: indonesia
School: unj

Displayed posts: 154 / page 1 of 4
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ryan31   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Busloads of people depart for Monas from FPI headquarters [2]

Several buses which carried demonstrators from FPI headquarters arrived in the Central Jakarta to assemble in downtown Jakarta. Eventually, most of the participants started in Monas square for protesting regarding blasphemy case to arrest Ahok. More and less 200,000 people are joining in this event. They were wearing white Muslim dress code. In any case, it also wants to remember again which happened in the last month.

thejakartapost
ryan31   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing: Should young adults live independently or living with their parents for a longer time [2]

hai baihui
I have some advice for you
hope it helps

Parents will be ultimately get old ...

When that time comes, after all, we have ...

a great convenient in every aspects

every aspect because it is singular

with the support of money, food, and clothes <<< do not forget using comma

with this readily assistance from parents

develop the ability to take care of them

which cannot be broken by anyone

thanks
ryan31   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The existence of Nano technology will be more widespread in the next decades. [2]

Nanotechnology is coming up with tiny size molecule so that can create anything. It also brings big implication in many ways such a making robot with nano as the main material in the development. Even, it predicts will take over the world. Some scientists have to make sure regarding using this particle like doing test and labeling in order to the quality and security still preserve. This breakthrough technology contributes in transportation which consists of metal as unbreakable material so that it can improve the performance of conveyance. Afterward, people's life more economical than present because of the existence of nano technology the reason is can generate power instead of natural resource. The another benefit is cleaning ocean from oil more effective and also can contribute on ozone layer. Eventually, this product can be available in the next decades.
ryan31   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Television is Challenging Hollywood [4]

hai andi
I have some advice for you
hope it helps

please put your attention in conjunction since it is rarely.

For years, watching Hollywood was ...

over following years, Hollywood movie should take a lower price, even though it will change as time goes on

Television appears depend on ...

television will appear when it comes to well-crafted characters than well-known actors

These are several television appears ...

there are several televisions appear which are challenging Hollywood

thanks
ryan31   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / summary : The world in 2076: The population bomb has imploded [2]

This summary will tell us regarding the information about the demographic implosion. In the japan, even though the expectation of life reaches 85 years old, the majority people do not want to fertility because they too busy and shy to procreate. It is clear with the evidence that there are only 1.4 children per woman. The rates number of fertility is two children per woman across the globe. Then, several countries from the Europe and the east of Asia shows that solely at less than 1.5 children. Nowadays, the population in the world always increase since the prediction will reach 9 billion because of high fertility in Afrika. The United Nations make predictions about this situation that it will rise again until 11.2 billion in 2100. Nevertheless, there is no country which can recover regarding fertility due to the demographic doldrums. Furthermore , the expertise of demographic believes that will exist the global crash in 2076. Moreover, Singapore Government preserves their fertility in the lowest proportion.

newscientist
ryan31   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Successful business system; a new process for selling a product. [2]

There is a new process for selling the product. Some companies want to repeat their achievement or success in the bigger scale with utilizing new knowledge to enhance the capacity of their business. While several businessmen want much profit again, they can not replay it because the experiment always failed. Nowadays, most enterprise placing to much trust in an expert such a to design the department store which understands regarding the system. There are two types of attempt success again. Firstly, do not forget to copy the process when it comes to success and also improving that way. Secondly, choosing the best part to mix it into the next trial, yet do not let to guide for leading the problems. After that, sometimes there is an information is not accurate. Furthermore, there are two ways to combat this problem such as involve the attitude of workers in the office and involve strict regulation to control an organization system. Surprisingly, copy the original but not duplicate it at all since to build the consistency.
ryan31   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: What Your Social Media Profile Photo Says About Your Personality [4]

hai andi
I have some advice for you
hope it helps

Social media has become ...
social media becomes a necessity for people across the globe.

People are upload profile photo in social media

... personalities of thousands ofat Twitter users.

... University of Maryland wants<<< incorrect with singular subject

... pictures from other platformsapplications such as Facebook.

... the profile pictures areis not enough to ...

... person's personality by combinecombining the analysis of ...

there so many analysis, you can paraphrase it into investigation, study, test

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Agus first, followed by Ahok, Anies: Pollster [2]

Based on Pollster Charta Politika as surveyor reveals that the highest proportion candidate of governor in Jakarta is occupied by Agus Harimurti. This is followed by Ahok, while Anis Baswedan takes in the last position. The specification survey is 29.5 % for the highest one, whereas Ahok at approximately 28.9 percent. Then, 26.7% is owned by Anis. According to the Yunarto as executive director of this survey institute said that it will occur the second round election since the candidate does not reach more than a half plus one vote.

thejakartapost
ryan31   
Nov 29, 2016
Graduate / Drosophila mutants. Margin indent and SOP review PhD genetics [10]

hai komal
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... perspective to each poem that I taught,

a PhD

Ph.D. be careful when you put a title

broaden my knowledge

it is better using broaden my horizon

... in the final year ofinmy undergraduate ofbiochemistry program when I saw

The more I read, the more convinced I

more and more I read, it makes me more convincing

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two strong quakes strike New Zealand; no reports of damage [2]

Two earthquakes are happening in several areas of New Zealand on Tuesday, while there is no victim since this accident compared five years ago which killed 185 people and also demolished thousands of settlements. The first one occurs in the North of New Zealand with 5.6 scales richer with depth at approximately 10 kilometers. Thus, there is no tsunami in there. The second one appears in the Northeast of Christchurch with depth at about 2.5 fold less than the first quake. The reason this disaster happen is the position of this country on the ring of fire which surrounded by seismic faults and also volcano mountain.

thejakartapost
ryan31   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children are facing the tension in many life aspects, such as academic, social, and commercial. [3]

hai ifra
You writing's skill so good
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

1. try to paraphrase 'children' such as toddler, offspring, minor
2. pressure >>> burden, tension,
3. perspective >>> mindset, attitude

... and the social community which children's live.

... and community who causeare causing the pressure on children's ...
Therefore, <<< conjunction taking a parenting education ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 28, 2016
Graduate / A step closer to treating cancer - PHD SOP for Computational Data Enabled Science and Engineering [4]

hai kk
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

With this development, << do not forget utilize comma we are a step closer ...

I think you should give a line in here >>> A follow- up analysis was performed,

... pathways and testing the hypothesis using high- throughput data from ...A generic constraint- based on model of cancer metabolism is ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The process of making chocolate starts with picking the cocoa with ripe red pods [3]

The diagram reveals the information about several steps of making chocolate. Overall, there are ten stages of chocolate production which are growing in America, Africa, and Indonesia using human potential as a main concern, then it begins from harvest the cocoa until chocolate being liquid.

The process starts with picking the cocoa with ripe red pods. After that put out the white cocoa beans inside cacao. Thus, the beans through the process of fermentation. Furthermore, all of it spread in the board to conduct a drying process with the sunlight of the sun. Next, the results are collecting in the large sacks.

Turning to the next step is transport the sacks by lory to going to a factory. Afterward, the sacks are taken to the factory for the roasting process in the high temperature until 350 degrees. After heating process, the beans are crushed again so that the outer shell released. The last process is the inner part of beans are pressed then the liquid of chocolate will be produced.



  • coklat.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Chris Anderson gives many formulas for all people to become a good speaker. [7]

hai alfin
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

Chris Anderson, gives many formulas<< be careful for singular of plural

... become a good speakers .

First, communicate properly, secondly ... <<< (firstly, secondly / first, second)

There is no single formula forbeing a great talk, let it flow and influenceinteract with the audience. Everyone can becamebecome << (modal + V1 ) a good speaker if ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / From cacao tree to the chocolate bar - ten steps of man-made linear production process [2]

hello edho
I have some advice for you
hope it helps

... in United States of America, Africa,<<< using comma and Indonesia.

In the third step, the beans ...
the next step is the beans are fermented and spread on the board for drying process with the sun as the main source.

In addition, the large sacks of beans are taken to (...) artificial machine with high temperature at around 350-degree celsiusfor 350 o C .
... crushes the beans in another artificial machine.
... are pressed in the inner part and ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several steps of hydrology's cycle resulting in a rain [2]

The diagrams give the information about several steps of hydrology's cycle which produces a rain. Overall, there are three stages which happen it naturally, then it begins from evaporation to the rainfall.

Initially, there is evaporation from sea, land, and river because of the heat from the sun. After that, the vapor concentrates on the air and transform into clouds. Then, the clouds moving to the highland since the wind push it. When the clouds reach a saturation point, the water will be fallen called rain or precipitation.

After precipitation, the water has several ways to reach the sea. First, it absorbs into porous rock and run slowly in the ground water and finally comes out in the sea, while cannot through the non-porous rock. Second, the water which is fall in the waterways will be following the river as main track until the sea. Eventually, it evaporates again to produce a cloud.



  • hujan.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing: Influence of professional athletes on young people - they learn a lot from their own idol. [3]

hello thphoung
it is nice to read your writing
I have some corrections for you
hope it helps

It helps people improvemaintain their health <<< collocation

... of attention, especially fromwhen young people .
... have a huge influences on development as well as ...
... a lot from their own idol.

One of the interesting examples for this perspective ...

He is a football player. He is also ...
he is a football player and also an idol for young people which follows his path.

Even though, currently, he is one of the best football players , he usually ...
He always starts (...) and finishes later.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / An information about several steps of making cement and the materials used for building construction [2]

The diagram reveals the information about several steps of making cement for construction. Overall, the process divided into two ways with the artificial machine to produce cement and concrete.

Initially, cement production has five stages. The limestone and clay are destroyed by crusher so that produce a powder. After that, it through a mixer and run off the pipe. Then, it entrances the rotating heater to burn the materials became liquid. The next step is the materials are grinded by grinder to produce cement. Eventually, it was packed and ready to continue the next process.

Turning to produce concrete, there is only one stage to make a building. Besides cement, it also needs raw material to make it perfect. The phase is all of the materials pour into concrete mixer machine. It contains several materials, the first substance is cement as much 15%. Second, water at around one out of ten. The third material is sand at approximately a quarter. The last ingredient is gravel which is twice as much than sand.



  • sement.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The water cycle: the first step is the evaporation and end results in a rainfall. [3]

hai dika
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... hydrology cycle to produce waterrainfall .

... involves about 4four steps by natural way.

The first stage ofis the evaporation ...

...causes evaporation by thea large amount of water to produce watera rainfall . Then, the wind carriedare carrying out it to form a cloud.

Next, the accumulateaccumulation of cloud that made rainfall happenedhappens especially in high landhighland since the ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010 - essay for WRITING TASK 1 [2]

aloha dika
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

The both maps display the information about the alteration of the ...
Overall, there are significantis a significant change with the several ...

A more detailed look at the graph, after the construction, the commercial buildings waswere by far dominated ...
Besidebesides , the houses was knocked down tooas well in this area.

The Supermarket was built across fromin front of the Petrol Station.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : the alteration in the city of United States [4]

The maps reveal the information about the alteration land in the city of the United States in the course of sixty two-year started in 1948. Overall, it was essential to bear in mind that residence and local market were changed into factory located in the northwest of the canal, while the church transform into the stadium in the southeast of the river.

As we can see in the southwest of the river, there was no alteration regarding the residential house. Interestingly, stadium took over the church's position particularly located in the south of the canal.

Turning to the northwest of the river, the six settlements were reconstructed by two commercial buildings. Meanwhile, the industrial areas are demolished and replaced with two regions such as airport and also three commercial areas. Although the supermarket covered with the apartment, this facility had been relocated in front of the petrol station.



  • map_2b.jpg

  • map_2a.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary TED Video) How play leads to great inventions [3]

hai arlen
i have some suggestions for you
hope it works

... explained about the transformation of ideas ...
In the past, most of the inventors find a good way to makingmake(infinity verb) fun, one of them are ...

For example, typewrittertypewriter <<< (careful with your spelling) was invention which in started from music invention. Honestly, we should don'tdo not forget about history ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The land alterations of the rural area in Stokeford in the course of eight decades started in 1930 [2]

writing task 1 : map below shows the changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010.

The maps reveal the information about the alteration land of the rural area in Stokeford in the course of eight decades started in 1930. Overall, it was important to bear in mind that farmland was transformed into a residential area and also shops disappeared.

In the west of the street, as we can see that farmland had been removing and as time goes on constructed several settlements along this road. Thus, there was an addition to build a new road was located in the north of post office replaced shops in the past.

Turning to the east of the street, there are several improvements and increasing a new branch of the road as well. In this time, the garden had been demolishing and changed into houses was connected to another way by means of little road. After that, the school had been extended in front of the post office. Thus, retirement house had been constructed replaced the large house. Eventually, farmland and footpath were located in the south of retirement house transform into residence area and a new road.



  • map_1.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / writing task 1 : The maps below show changes that took place in Brandenburg in over a 20-year period [2]

The map reveals the information about the development in Brandenburg in the course of two decades started in 1990. Overall, it was essential to bear in mind that there were additional apartment and supermarket located in the west of the river, while the factory and airport were built in the east of the river.in addition, the construction of railway appeared to be true alongside the coast.

As we can see that, the threes in the east of the river were cutting down and transform into the airport located near by the school, whereas factory in front of the sea. There is no more three in the alongside the sea. After that, two houses in front of parking had been relocated in the behind of the hospital. Furthermore, there is an extra railway through the length of the beach.

Turning to the west of the river, houses and trees are knock-down to add apartment alongside the railway and supermarket as well. Then, two commercial buildings had been built near by lake which cutting down the trees. There were additional residential areas located behind the supermarket.



  • map_3.jpg
ryan31   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / How simple ideas led to scientific discoveries [2]

There are several ways that make scientific research will be simple to understand. Richard gives the illustration about physic knowledge with using wagon and ball as the main experiment. Plus Erastothenes try to measure the distance between Alexandria and Sweden to find out about diametre of the earth. Turning to Galileo who attempts the gauge in the speed of light with utilizing ear, eye, and mind, nevertheless, it failed since it was so fast. After that, Ahmad wants to continue Galileo's experiment using simple materials such as wheels, mirror, and eye. Eventually, he did it so that it makes easy to understand for several people. Furthermore, a citizen can do this experiment as well because it is an open field and convenient to explore. It brings people's curiosity and can change the world.
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000 [7]

hai alfin
I have some suggestions for you
hope it works

The graph ilustratesillustrates the figures (...) (GDP) ofin the UK frombetween IT and service industry...

In comparison with the data in 1992. Overall, there was upward ...
overall, there was an upward trend both of them.

... of a service industry in the period 2000 with the total GDP at approximately 8 percent, which increased gradually from 1992.

During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was a downward trend about ...

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) Why Mark Zuckerberg Is Fortune's Businessperson of the Year [11]

hello alfin
I have some corrections for you
hope it works

Facebook is one of the most enormous companycompanieswas surprisedsurprising people in the world.

... Mark Zuckerberg becames fortune's businesspersonbusinessman of the year.

Facebook which had 16.000<<< be careful to use dot since it means comma in our country

In the past, facebook perhaps only small business which was built by drop out people.

Nevertheless, now it had been (...) in the world particularyparticularly in media and advertisement.

... became one of the richiestrichest man in the world ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Be Sure to Those Who Helped You [6]

hello edo
I have some suggestions for you
hope it works

These days, most of students in our ...

... to appreciate them is that putting their name ...

First of all, our parents merit obtain more honor ...

... genuine people in the entire world who always give energy and time inon our daily basis.

... can reach many achievesachievements .

They always accompaniedaccompany us to face with any conditions in campus life ...

The last but not the least is our lectures, professors, (...) and also gives much advice to us.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / There's is no doubt that learning a second language is important for people - bilingual brain merits [2]

Multilanguage is work differently compared than mono language. There are two parts when using English as main language consist of active and passive. In the active parts, containing speaking and writing, while the passive parts has listening and reading. For instance, Gabriela who has two languages that are English and Spanish. She utilize English in school whereas Spanish used in the home and also to talk with friends. Children have tendency easily to learn about rather than adults. As a result, multilanguage has remarkable benefits for children and also can make more active, complex, healthy. This is no doubt that learning second language is important for people and there is no word late to learn about english since a little exercise can make it perfect.
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize article : Creative cockatoos skilfully make tools from different materials [6]

hello dika
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... Alice Auersperg from the University of ...
... become the smarter than others bird.other birds.

This is because he splinters a wood and used...

Moreover, she and her colleaguesher colleagues and she tried to plan a (...) that will mademake a special tool.

... several times to make a tool such as ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Inside the Private Lives of Orangutans [2]

Cheryl Knott reveals the information about the habitat of orangutan located in the rain forest canopy in western Borneo. She works with cutting-edge technology such a smartphone to know about those animal activities. It is different like gorillas and chimpanzees which live in groups, while orangutans lived alone. They spend much time in the three which had in the deep of the forest or swampy land so that human hard to across that habitats. Some researchers believed the speed of invention more quickly since using cutting-edge technology such a drone. After that, they found that there were so many orangutans lived in the forest in the Borneo and Sumatera also so that the study can continue to find several data collected to be investigated. During they were conducted research in that forests revealed the information about the evolution of endurance both genders. Males of orangutan challenge each other, while younger just protect their authority areas that get from older. This was different with males, females of orangutan tough their children to survive living in the treetops. This research can be successful relied on science's team and rate of conservation, whereas to find the answer about the correlation between humans and orangutan just looking into their eyes.

nationalgeographic/magazine/2016/12/orangutans-behaviors-borneo-sumatra/
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Angela Lee Duckworth found a way to be a better person and shared her experience [3]

hai dika
I think it is a good summary
I have advice for you
hope it works

The most demanding job in Angela period was teaching ...

When Angela was taught 7 grade (...), she made the quiz, test, homework and assingmentassignment every day.

She found that iqit was not only (...) and the worst student.

... not have better iqIQ score than others.

... one of her students could learn ...

If they focus on the study a subject, ...

After taughtstudied 7 years in school, ...

... and started to be a psychologist. She found manymuch information <<< uncountable word

about kidschildren and adults from all any kinds of superchallengingsuper challenging settings.

After that, she and her team asked about several questions related to the ability of people ...

... grit was the answer ofin the problem.
... perseverance to be a better person.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The bar chart reveals the billion USD of the main exports namely:... [4]

heloo nyy
I have some suggestions for you
hope it can improve your writing skill

The bar chart reveals the billion USD of the main exports namely: meat ...
the bar chart reveals the information about the vital exports in three products in Someland over two decades started from 2005 measured in USD billion.

... 6 billion USD, which iswas the highest figuresshown on the chart in 2005.

... in Someland, which reached the top..
There were two extremes of two other exports.

It is estimated thatSurprisingly in 2025, international ...
ExpextsExports are predicting that export (...) at 3,5 billion USD in the future

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Seven key takeaways from Donald Trump [5]

There are several main points that quickly purpose to conduct such as immigration, health care, and the supreme court. Turning to the specification programs. Firstly, the wall might just be a fence, it means there is a construction the fence on the border between U.S. and Mexico so that there is a gap among those countries. Secondly, Trump has the promise to deport immigrants undocumented. Thirdly, it will be an alteration from before to merge between U.S. Congress and the White House. Fourthly, sending a message to demonstrator contained about do not worried since Trump only wants to turn back U.S. in the past. Fifthly, he needs much time to fulfill his promise for restricting the abortion. Sixthly, Trump wants to control his social media such a twitter since it will be embarrassing himself. The last, a desire to focus on him aims rather than to serve the email scandal of Hillary Clinton.

time
ryan31   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize article : earthquake happen in New Zealand [4]

hai dika
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

Earthquakeit occurs typically (...) of the Earth's crust. It happensand also it take place in New Zealand with the power of stress is 7.5.

Also,then, there were two people ...

Moreover, it could be give a sign for another disaster such as Tsunami but it not occuredoccurred .

... fault near the interface of the Australian and ...

... that caused in AutralianAustralia and Pacific plates, namely Alpine Fault which is can make big (...) by Kevin McCue in the Central Queensland University.

... that had been statestating by Ristau.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Chinese children Learning English by screaming it. [3]

TED SUMMARY : english manias

Ted's video talking about mania especially in English. It can be good, alarming, and also deadly. Chinese children Learning English by screaming it. The largest English speaking countries are China since about 25% graduated based on English. the English language also provides opportunities for better life such as job vacancy and to enter favorite school. Nowadays, English being the global conversation to tackle about the global problem such as climate change, poverty, hunger, and also disease. It is appeared to be true that English can bring hope for better future.
ryan31   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The kind of transport to go to work in Houston, Texas. Writing test 1 in English studio [6]

hai alfin
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... information about the kinds of transport to go ...

According the table people prefer ...
According to the table, people have a tendency to use the car rather than public transport.

... who go to work use cars, ...In other hand, the higest average age who ...
overall, most people who go to the workplace utilize a car, while fewer societies using bikes for working.

... but the percentage of cylistcyclist just about 4 percent.

And the graph showsthe CO2 emissonemissions from various (...) only has aproximatelyapproximately 0,32 CO2 emission.

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Remember to Take Time for Yourself [2]

hello edho
it is a good summary
I have a few suggestions for you
hope it helps

Nowadays, most of children have spent ...

The reason for this is that they want to get a better grade in their ...

According to this article, all of the scholars in the United States have (...) cannot feel about the day off.

... eight out of ten of a third level education

... for students to maintaincure their stress.

... people can significantly reducebe reduced significantly their stress.

Another way to helpsolve this problem is that students have to ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Disruptions to incumbent's campaign might be organized: Ahok team [2]

Basuki "Ahok" Tjahaja Purnama as inactive Jakarta Governor since followed campaign for the election in 2017 got a rejection from several people in South Jakarta so that experienced disruption of society. A spokesman said this action certainly was influenced by parties to propaganda people for rejecting, even tend to drive out Ahok because the local people never conducted this violence previously.

On 2nd November, Ahok was stopping the campaign in Rawa Belong, West Jakarta since society chaos and try to repel him so that safety by security personnel. Nevertheless, one of the securities got injured as hardness in that place. Then, once time saw rejected when visited Kedoya, West Jakarta. Consequently, team success of Ahok had reported this situation to the Jakarta Elections Supervisory Agency and the police. This complaint will be processed as soon as possible and also involve the police to investigate this accident said the agency. In addition, not only Ahok can report about violence in the field but also other candidates since they had right.

thejakartapost
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Undergraduate / The Light Inside the Dark. Why would you be a good participant in UGRAD Program? [3]

hai madina
nice to read your essay
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

they want to escape to the desert island.

... thinking about studying in the other countrycountries . <<< (other + plural, another + singular)

As a result, I and other participants can acquire ...
consequently, other participants and I can acquire totally distinct vision to solve the problem.

Its aim is to teach children programming skills ...
it aims to teach the children about programming ...

... goal and doing the best iswas motivation. <<< past tense

Its existence makes things seemed...
the existence of this makes things seemed impossible to become real.

I can be a sufficiently good...

I hope that the program will enable me ...

thanks

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