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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 35)

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Transfer:"it's time to continue my undergraduate education at a place that truly suits my interests"

2 - @skazo "it does not compare well to the rest of NYU" in what way? You should be more specific...

Undergraduateskazo - Dec 26, 2016 / angeli6778 - Dec 26, 2016
Yale Supplement: Something you love to do: people-watching

3 - @Holt How's this revised version? (Context: Yale's residential halls all have a late-night cafe called the buttery that serve...

Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 24, 2016 / angeli6778 - Dec 26, 2016
My Mother and our complicated relations - Common app and Coalition essay

3 - @Cc11rocks I see what your saying about the tall segment. I think i'm going to change it to...

UndergraduateLoneLee - Dec 26, 2016 / LoneLee - Dec 26, 2016
"We engage the transformative power of our differences" Bates essay

2 - @abdulahok Hi Abdullah~ This essay includes enough information of Bates, which is a good aspect. However, I think it...

Undergraduateabdulahok - Dec 26, 2016 / martinmengqian - Dec 26, 2016
Lehigh Essay. What do you and Lehigh have in common?

8 - @Holt Hey, I tried to change the last paragraph according to your comments, what do you think about...

Undergraduatealexgzm - Dec 24, 2016 / alexgzm - Dec 26, 2016
Tufts Essays: What Will They Know About Me/What Can I Improve?

2 - @mgbseventeen Hi, I think you should remove two of your supplement essays because essayforum just allows one...

Undergraduatemgbseventeen - Dec 25, 2016 / mualla - Dec 25, 2016
My faith diminished. CalTech Ethical Dilemma essay

2 - Nadun, your response is more suited towards prompts 1, 3, and 4. Any of those prompts can benefit from...

UndergraduateC00k1eM0nster - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
Intersection of the Language and Mind - "Why NYU?" Supplement

5 - Kevin, in the last paragraph, you make mention of wishing to continue doing research at NYU. It would be...

Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
Why are you interested in attending Gatech

4 - Ngene, there is nothing in your essay that clearly indicates your choice for GAtech. You are speaking of information...

Undergraduategeniz - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
My birthmark (which I thought was malignant) fueled my scientific curiosity - Common App Essay

8 - @kc1099 Nope, it's good that you have ECs in research to back up your claim, and your essay is...

Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 24, 2016 / angeli6778 - Dec 25, 2016
Thrill interspersed with some doubts - CSID application

4 - I do apologize if my suggestion may inappropriate due to lack of writing skill ability. 1. Last sentence...

Undergraduateshuprova - Dec 25, 2016 / ahmadmaulinnaufa - Dec 25, 2016
Nepal matters. Am I on the right track of this essay ?

6 - Hi Nanda, Congratulations for being a concerned citizen and caring about your country's needs. Just re-phrasing what...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Dec 25, 2016 / mualla - Dec 25, 2016
COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

9 - I am not saying that one presentation would be better than the other. What I am saying is that...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
Long division and logarithms are not for me - what in exchange?

4 - Shuparova, try not to fixate on your being poor in Math by making it the central topic of all...

Undergraduateshuprova - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
Tufts supplement: Something that I created

7 - Thanks for the advice!...

Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 24, 2016 / ngokhoa99 - Dec 25, 2016
Is my personal statement "personal" enough? Does it tell the readers who I am? (Common App prompt 2)

3 - I think the theme of the essay is very engaging and overall a smooth read. also, i might be...

Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 25, 2016 / shuprova - Dec 25, 2016
'Can I be the next team captain?' A bizarre situation and my reaction

3 - @shuprova When the prompt asks you , then you gotta take the demand of it seriously. Your...

Undergraduateshuprova - Dec 25, 2016 / nandasharma - Dec 25, 2016
Yale Supplement: Having fun with learning something

5 - @Holt Thank you so much again! I will no doubt be seeking your critique many times in this last...

Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 24, 2016 / angeli6778 - Dec 25, 2016
Rice Perspective Essay - Publishing My First Story

2 - Viktoria, you don't really respond to the prompt properly. What you have written is best suited for a background,...

Undergraduatevicktoriaria - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
The birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond. Amherst supplement quote response.

8 - Definitely your best work to date regarding the response to the prompt. It is as complete and concise as...

Undergraduatebenmed23 - Dec 20, 2016 / Holt - Dec 25, 2016
Interested in NYU Global Public Health - Culture and Health!

4 - Dana, believe it or not, your final paragraph in the current essay is the best response that you can...

Undergraduatec4imlle - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
UGRAD. Learning through sharing experience and knowledge with other individual, group and community

6 - Here is a tip about how you can better write this paper. Read up on how the other UGRAD...

UndergraduateMehraz Hossain - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
Rice University Perspective Essay - Being Too Young.

2 - Lyssa, look, you have told too much of the bad side of being an underage person in your country...

Undergraduateshevildevil - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
Particular interest in economics and psychology - Cornell Supplement

5 - Sung, don't do that. Always develop a new essay for each university, even if it pertains to the same...

Undergraduateraijin93 - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
The photography breaks linguistic and cultural barriers

3 - Nicholas, this essay in my opinion, is divided in focus. It talks more about your camera and your experiences...

Undergraduatenicolaschae - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
Unworthy Champion - the National Competition

4 - Huy, you don't really need the long explanation about UCMAS in the second paragraph. It only makes the essay...

Undergraduateduchuy1999 - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 24, 2016
Why Tufts: On religions and compassions

26 - Okay. Thank you!...

Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 21, 2016 / ngokhoa99 - Dec 23, 2016
'Hospital hallways' - supplement- Academic goals

3 - You should perhaps mention the issues related to unborn babies and how you would fight for their rights to...

Undergraduatekarinaestrada16 - Oct 17, 2012 / Rich Monte - Dec 23, 2016
The eagerness to know and try many different things - personal statement

NEW - From cereals and books, up to physics '' Why on Earth would you do that?!", " How would...

Undergraduateradwatourky - Dec 23, 2016 / — -
Leaving China and seeking for a greater perspective - transfer essay, CS major, Common app

2 - Moahua, The story about the eye opening experience that you had in summer school does run a bit long...

UndergraduateEthanwmh - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 23, 2016
A support system to succeed at Georgia Tech

2 - Juan, what kind of mentor are you planning on becoming? Depending upon whether you will become a research mentor,...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 23, 2016
Barnard college supplemtals//Why Barnard//Woman in History//Majoring in Unafraid

2 - Breonna, the forum has a one essay per thread ruling. That means I can only review the first essay...

Undergraduatebosuegbu - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 23, 2016
My blackness. Common Application Essay: Problem you'd like to solve - limiting circumstances

4 - Breonna, rather than making a socio-political statement in this essay, you should be focusing your story on the possible...

Undergraduatebosuegbu - Dec 22, 2016 / Holt - Dec 23, 2016
Rampant cheating; everyone reaped what they sowed. Caltech ethical dilemma Essay

3 - Yamen, the reason that this essay is underwhelming when you read it is because you decided not to do...

UndergraduateBobRoss - Dec 22, 2016 / Holt - Dec 23, 2016
Etcetera: the most mysterious word in the English language.

2 - This is not a bad word choice for this essay. Since etcetera means so on and so forth, or...

Undergraduatembyram - Dec 22, 2016 / Holt - Dec 22, 2016
How being Asian American has made me who I am

2 - Wang, what are we talking about here? Are you responding to a college application prompt? Or is this an...

Undergraduateth3_wang - Nov 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 22, 2016
CHANGE AMERICA SCHOLARSHIP - FILM and Television major

3 - I agree with Holt. You should stick to one specific cause that is very meaningful to you and talk...

UndergraduateiSasha - Dec 21, 2016 / mubdis99 - Dec 22, 2016
Common App Essay: My experience as a Volunteer EMT

4 - Neena, cut this paragraph. Make it end at the point where you discuss Biomedical Engineering. That offers the most...

UndergraduateNEENA1234 - Dec 19, 2016 / Holt - Dec 22, 2016
My overwhelming passion for bead making

4 - Tanks a lot@holt. I ll remove the connection...

UndergraduateOkoye ijeoma - Dec 21, 2016 / Okoye ijeoma - Dec 21, 2016
My role as the first child of my family

3 - @Holt Thank you very much for your advice and expert perusal, I sincerely appreciate it. To be very honest,...

UndergraduateOsiremiza99 - Dec 21, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 21, 2016
BEING CURIOUS EVEN MORE. I am requesting help on my common app personal statement

5 - @Holt Thank you very much, I am going to rewrite that essay....

Undergraduateaimuhire - Dec 21, 2016 / aimuhire - Dec 21, 2016
Raising questions about the workings of the cosmos

5 - That might help. I can't be sure at the moment because I do not know what additional information you...

Undergraduatesaluranjha - Dec 21, 2016 / Holt - Dec 21, 2016
Our effort makes our future. Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

2 - Aida, there is nothing in your response that proves your excellence or ability to succeed as a UGrad program...

Undergraduateaidamt - Dec 21, 2016 / Holt - Dec 21, 2016
"Veracity may count against you in this sophisticated society." Bryn Mawr College Supplement Essay.

3 - @saluranjha Thank you! I will have a look at your essay. Thank you @Bolt. I will surely take in...

Undergraduatephuonguyenvt - Dec 21, 2016 / phuonguyenvt - Dec 21, 2016
What qualities that I possess could possibly add value to your community? To be honest, I don't know

10 - The majority of your essay deals with how you did not accomplish anything because you were afraid of challenge....

UndergraduateDeadspawn11 - Dec 20, 2016 / realtalk - Dec 21, 2016
'I am determined to invent invulnerable systems' - Engineering College Supplemental Essay. (650)

5 - @Holt I made the following change for clarification of my "Merging Nanoscience with CyberSecurity" purpose. Moreover, the infrastructures...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Dec 20, 2016 / nandasharma - Dec 21, 2016
The UGA faculty has determined that the student body should demonstrate the qualities listed in the

5 - Shawn, what is the maximum word count on this essay? It seems to be a little bit too short...

UndergraduateThe_iKick - Dec 19, 2016 / Holt - Dec 21, 2016
Review on the "Saving Private Ryan" Spielberg movie

4 - @dmitrology Hi Dmitri, I agree with Holt that you should add more about your personal experiences into the essay....

Undergraduatedmitrology - Dec 20, 2016 / xuesun - Dec 21, 2016
A brand new step for a giant stride - my first time abroad

3 - @Holt Hi, I really appreciate your review and thank you for your advice. So, here I already revised...

UndergraduateDreamchaser - Dec 19, 2016 / Dreamchaser - Dec 20, 2016
Reason of becoming a Hokie - I love everything about it. Application essay for Virginia Tech

3 - Krishna, let's get something straight here. You cannot make vague pronouncements such as "award winning faculty" in an essay...

UndergraduateKrishKoirala - Dec 20, 2016 / Holt - Dec 20, 2016
A positive change in Dominicana. Summer Health Professions Education Program Diversity Essay

3 - Brayan, your narrative touches the heart but does not allow you to respond to the prompt in an accurate...

Undergraduatebrayan1996 - Dec 20, 2016 / Holt - Dec 20, 2016
The simple (maybe the silly ;) things in life make me happy

4 - Mualla, remove the reference to the Turkish TV character. If the reviewer is not familiar with him or the...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 20, 2016 / Holt - Dec 20, 2016
DUKE - Why? If I became a Blue Devil... My love for photojournalism

3 - Katie, what the prompt is asking you to do is present some common factors that exist between you and...

UndergraduatePizza - Dec 20, 2016 / Holt - Dec 20, 2016
Personal Statement--My childhood dream...was a luxury to me

6 - @martinmengqian I am determined to learn how~ also, your accomplishment in the last paragraph could seem a little...

Undergraduatemartinmengqian - Dec 19, 2016 / realtalk - Dec 20, 2016
Boston College Supplemental Essay- Physics is a part of me!

9 - @ndushaj Your essay is way to maudlin and abstract. I think what BC wants you to do is...

Undergraduatendushaj - Dec 17, 2016 / realtalk - Dec 20, 2016
I want to become Boilermaker / the "Ger" district in Mongolia. WHY PURDUE?

3 - Bat, I will only be responding to the first statement that you wrote for reasons that Jessica already previously...

Undergraduatebmb_orgil - Dec 19, 2016 / Holt - Dec 20, 2016
I love making smoothies; they make me happy-Supplements for Yale and Tufts

3 - Holt I wrote an essay and this is for Tufts not Yale. Could you please look at it? The...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 2, 2016 / mualla - Dec 20, 2016
Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC.

3 - @zumbastrol Hi! Thanks for your help! But there are actually something that I would like to clarify. Sorry I...

UndergraduateJessica Xie - Dec 19, 2016 / Jessica Xie - Dec 19, 2016
I dream of becoming an innovator in aerospace exploration. Syracuse supplement

4 - @cssaasy Hi!! I think your second part is really good, as it illustrates well how it can help...

Undergraduatecssaasy - Dec 19, 2016 / Jessica Xie - Dec 19, 2016
I want to invent new gadgets and software, be a problem solver, and make peoples' life easier

9 - Well, you don't really need to mention the name of your computer teacher. A simple reference to the teacher...

UndergraduateCyanogenVivax - Dec 18, 2016 / Holt - Dec 19, 2016

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