Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The table compares the data in terms of forested land in different continents of the world [5]

You should make sure that you write a proper summary overview. That means, include the rundown of the countries and the measurement type. Most students overlook that information in the overview but it is actually a part of the summary being presented. The overview is the basis of the trending statement. Which is why you have to do a good job in summarizing the information.

Your paragraphs are running too long. Your sentences eventually turn into run-on sentences because you use commas to separate your data presentation. You only have 20 minutes to report this data in written form. That means you need to keep your data short but informative. You are not expected to report all of the information provided. Only the most important parts such as comparison points, similar measurements, and the like.

You should not write more than 190 words due to the limited time frame. Remember, you have to leave at least 5 minutes to review and finalize your content. Save the long writing for the Task 2 section. That is where you need to write a long essay.

Since this is your first task, I will not score it. It won't be fair to you. There are errors that you did not intend to make. Let's fix the content presentation first. Then, in your next essay, I will make sure to score you already. Right now, I just want to point out the main problem points and suggest improvements to you.

Good work though. You should be able to speedily improve over time.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS]The typical teaching situation of a teacher and students in the class will not exist by 2050 [3]

Nope. You cannot have a middle of the road response. You cannot be partly anything in this essay because you deliver conflicting opinions, which means you do not have an opinion at all. You have to choose one side to support and justify completely in the discussion. In fact, based on your discussion points, I would have to say that you strongly disagree with the given statement. That is because your second statement is the only valid statement, in relation to the given discussion. Perhaps you were unaware that your first discussion paragraph was not relevant to the teaching dynamic being discussed in the essay.

It is not about the classroom setting, it is about the teacher-student relationship. You have to make sure that you understand what the "Reason" for the discussion is, before you start developing a response. Understand what the hidden meaning is in the topic. Analyze the question. Weigh your response options. Don't just write your essay. Take the time to develop a proper response presentation. Understanding the topic and discussion format is highly important to your score.

The second point precisely points out how the classroom situation will change, but the dynamics of the typical classroom shall remain. That is the proper discussion point for this essay that you could have very well discussed over 2 reasoning paragraphs. When you write these essays, you should outline your discussion points first. Do not create an extent response, then look for reasons. Outline the reasons first and then weigh the relevance of the outline to the discussion prompt. That is how you can choose what kind of opinion to have. Base it on your stronger discussion points in order to create a proper extent essay.

This being your first attempt, I would have to say that you did a good job, even though there was a hiccup in your response. Not to worry though. As you become more familiar with the discussion formats, your writing and discussion styles should also improve. Good work. Keep writing. You can only get better from here.

Writing Feedback / Whether university students should study whatever they like or not [3]

You do not need to express an utter disapproval. You merely have to disapprove. This is not an extent essay. Additionally, your response format is incorrect. You must provide a strong representation or explanation of the public point of view first, then present your even stronger opposition to the discussion as your opinion. So the paragraph format should be:

- Topic sentence
- Explanation regarding public approval
- Your opposition
- Supporting example
- Additional opposition in support of the example

Your current presentation highlights only your point of view throughout. If you wish to use the 4 paragraph format instead of the 5 paragraph format, then your discussion needs to use the above paragraph format instead. The reason you have to do this is because the discussion states that there are 2 points of view. The 2 points of view are the public opinion. As such, the public opinion must be expressed and explained (Discuss both points of view) along with your personal point of view regarding the given reason (discuss your point of view). Your essay did not represent the said format in its discussion presentation.

Remember to use group pronouns for the public point of view to indicate a clear separation of discussion ideas. Use a first person pronoun when you begin to discuss your personal opinion. You cannot use general statements in this presentation as the discussion instruction and the GRA scores require you to use the pronouns to clearly explain your discussion points in relation to the original prompt.

in the end, it will be the formatting errors, that lead to under developed explanations and examples that would pull down your overall essay score. That is, aside from the other grammar issues existing in your written work.

Graduate / Masters admission - Letter of motivation - business and entrepreneurship [3]

You have a pretty strong motivational letter here and, believe it or not, you actually wrote a particularly striking concluding paragraph. You just do not realize it yet. Your concluding paragraph is paragraph 4. You do not need paragraph 5 in the motivational letter. That portion is more for the personal statement or other topic essays. I do not need to help you develop a concluding paragraph anymore. Like I said it is strong enough. However, I would like you to insert a paragraph to explain what motivated you to apply to the university. What impressed you about the course offering? Do not fall back on the commonly known information, try to find something unique about the program that impressed you and use that as the deciding factor that pushed you to apply at the university. After that, you can use the current paragraph 4 to close the essay.

Graduate / Essay: why Design, do you fit for the chosen stream? [2]

While you have shown your passion and motivation for the course in this essay, what you failed to do was present your background and training that would convince the reviewer that, even though you have already completed a different line of study, you have taken steps to prepare yourself to become a successful student in this field. Truth be told, the first half of your essay is not useful to the application. The part that you should be highlighting, to prove that you are prepared to enter this stream are the parts that go:

I enrolled into a course ... user-centric design practices.

Right from creating posters ...on a daily basis.

If you take these 2 parts and develop your explanation regarding your skills enhancements during this learning period, along with any other accomplishments you may have, then the essay would definitely prove that you are worthy of studying Design at the university. Think of what the accomplishments of the previous Design graduates from this university are, consider which aspects apply to you, present it in the essay. That will help align your application with the expectations of the university for its design students.

Writing Feedback / Punishment is the only way to help children learn right and wrong. Agree or disagree? [3]

You need to upload the complete discussion prompt next time. I am unclear as to the whole discussion instruction provided. There is a topic presentation and a discussion presentation, but the reasoning basis for your discussion is missing. Why do some people think punishment is the only way to teach children right from wrong? It is that reasoning basis that is missing from your prompt paraphrase presentation. That is also the reason why your restatement and response can be deemed incomplete and not fully addressing the task. Without the reasoning statement, this paragraph is under developed and not fully explained. That is why that paragraph is short by another 2-3 sentences.

The prompt reasoning topic is one of the major topics that should be discussed in your reasoning paragraphs. Since you did not present that in the paraphrasing and you did not provide the original prompt, I am not sure if you were able to address the main discussion point in the essay. While delivering your personal opinions are acceptable, you must also make sure that the main reasoning topic is connected to your reasoning somehow. That helps bring further clarity and coherence to the discussion you are presenting.

Due to the missing element in this discussion, I cannot begin to properly analyze the response, the discussion, and the opinion you have provided. I am particularly concerned because you gave a simple disagreement in the paraphrase, but then gave an extent response in your concluding statement. That means you either made a mistake in the overall presentation or you did not understand how to properly format the essay. Either way, it cannot be good for your score.

Scholarship / AAS - Practical Examples of using the knowledge, skills and connections you'll gain from scholarship [3]

Aside from the major problem that you have to hurdle, you should also be specific about the individual hurdles that you need to get over. What other obstacles do you think you have to face as you try to use your knowledge in your country? Based upon that problem, how do you see your training under this course helping you to resolve certain situations? The major problem is a good touch. It shows an overall problem that requires a solution using your studies. The individual presentation, shows how well you might be able to handle the stress and pressure, using only theoretical and practical knowledge gained during your studies to resolve the issues among all parties.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: PIE CHART: THE AMOUNT OF WATER USED IN SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA AND THE WORLD. [2]

Your summary overview is almost a direct cut and paste of the original presentation. You did not even try to change the words in the presentation so that you would appear to have developed a new presentation style for your report. You also did not try to use synonyms either. You are not even trying at this point. You need to learn to change your presentation from the original so that your essay will have a chance at a better score. You could have said:

The images represent 3 circle graphs (NOTE: alternative words are histogram, scatter diagram). Each graph shows the allotment for water usage in 3 areas. San Diego County, California, and worldwide water usage were the representative areas measured. The water allowances were measured in percentages for residential, industry, and agriculture needs.

A trending sentence could have been attached at the end. You should have 3 complete paragraphs presented here. Instead, you have 2 under developed paragraphs and one over compressed paragraph in the middle. You need to follow the proper reporting format. 3-5 sentence per paragraph. Don't compress all the information into one presentation. That shows a lack of GRA abilities on your part. Learn how to separate the report into topic paragraphs. One paragraph per area. One for San Diego, California, and the rest of the world respectively. That would have allowed you to do a proper report and comparison of information. That would have helped to increase your C&C score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: DIAGRAM: the process of manufacturing bricks for the building industry [2]

Learn to use alternate words to help you highlight your LR abilities. Synonyms for diagram are: blueprint, design, description, outline, procedure plan, among others. Do not stick to the mere basics of the vocabulary. That will not help your LR score. However, you need to be accurate when using alternative words as incorrect word usage can also lead to LR and GRA deductions.

Always aim for the 3-5 sentence format per paragraph. That is how you can allow yourself to write in a manner that may get you a better GRA score. Your first 2 paragraphs are short in terms of sentence presentation. There are only 2 per "paragraph".

Do not use a numerical ordinal if you are not going to follow through with that format in the succeeding presentations. Since this is a procedural image, you can skip counting and just focus on explaining every step in the process.

Spelling errors:

buiding - building
celcisus - celsius

Vocabulary errors:
Digged - dug

Writing Feedback / People discharged carbon dioxide - Practising IELTS 11 test 3 writing task 1 [3]

You have to remember that you are being scored on your ability to follow the correct writing format for paragraphs. That means, no run-on sentences as you did in this essay. Each paragraph should be divided into individual sentences, numbering anywhere from 3-5 sentences. Only then will your essay be properly formatted in terms of presentation format.

The summary overview is incomplete. It only has the topic sentence and the trending statement at the moment. You did not present the type of measurement (CO2 emissions measured in metric tons) and the inclusive decades of measurement (1967-2007). These are all part of the summary overview that helps you to outline the information presentation per paragraph. It also gives you the opportunity to write about 175-190 words, which is the ideal number of words to write for maximum scoring consideration.

The data presentation paragraphs are acceptable in terms of information, but not in formatting consideration. I already explained why this is so above so bear in mind, the paragraph needs sentences, not run-on presentations. Use a full stop more than a comma in the presentation. Show individual information and analysis, not difficult to follow information based on various data measurements.

Scholarship / Contribution to Human Resource Development Needs [2]

I cannot help you revise your essay. Nor can I help you adjust the content. Why? You did not include the specific prompt you are responding to with your generalized response. What you wrote can apply either to the chosen course and institution, or future career goals prompt. Unless I am sure about what topic you are writing about, I cannot judge the appropriateness of your response, its relevance to the topic, nor can I make suggestions regarding improvement and content deletion. I am sorry. You should have included the writing instructions when you posted this essay. Then I would have been able to help you with improving this written text. Even if you post the prompt now, I cannot help you unless you make this thread URGENT. I can only respond to the OP once per post, unless the thread is reclassified as URGENT in our system.

Scholarship / Australia Awards Essay 1: Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? To fill the gap. [2]

Your essay does not offer a clear reason for choosing the course. Be sure to use one specific masters course per university. You should be presenting the response in 2 paragraphs only. One paragraph for each university choice. You cannot use a collective reason for choosing the universities. You have to indicate a first and second university choice for the scholarship committee to consider. They will be choosing the university for you but will consider your priority university choice first.

So, you can reformat your essay this way:

University name - course choice
Explain the relevance of the course choice to your current career. If this is a stepping stone towards a promotion, then explain how that will work for you. How will the course prepare you for advanced job responsibilities? Highlight the course requirements that you feel will help you hone your skills. Whenever possible, indicate a weakness you have on the job that you hope to remedy through additional classes, training, and advanced knowledge that you will be receiving as a student of this course.

Repeat the same process for your second choice university. Remember to stay within the 2000 character limit (with spaces). That format will allow you to directly respond to the questions and also, allow you to better focus your response based on any forthcoming or existing program in your country that calls for the public promotion of your occupation over a period of time. If you have some characters left over after discussing the university and course choices, you may then reference a longer discussion of the government program you are addressing by studying this course or, the reason why you wish to promote this industry in your country.

-----

The problem with your current discussion is that you are too focused on the background of your occupation and your support for future programs instead of relating the background and your support with the university course and university choice. It does not create a logical discussion in relation to your university choices. You have presented a general discussion rather than a focused attempt at explaining your professional goals and academic needs in relation to your course and university choices.

Differentiate the universities in each paragraph by indicating what focus each course has. One may focus on administrative concerns and the other, on the commercial growth of the company. This is the reason why you have to present each university individually.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Essay about language learning topic [2]

The question is not whether you agree or disagree. The question is whether you believe advantages outweigh the disadvantages. So this is not a comparison essay. This is a single opinion defense discussion. This is accomplished by allowing the writer to mention a perceived advantage as the topic paragraph of the reasoning paragraph, only to explain why this is actually a disadvantage in the end. So the format is:

Sentence 1: Advantage / disadvantage topic (Depends upon what stance you have taken in the response paraphrase)
Sentence 2: Why this is seen as an advantage / disadvantage
Sentence 3: Why it isn't a true advantage / disadvantage
Sentence 4: Example to support the claim
Sentence 5: Additional supporting sentence or transition sentence into the next paragraph discussion topic

The second reasoning paragraph should follow the same format. The conclusion should be longer than just a single sentence. The format is always 3-5 sentences per paragraph, regardless of whether it is a paraphrase, reason, or concluding paragraph. While you did write more than the required minimum, you have to understand that if you do not present the expected discussion, based on the instruction, the essay will have a hard time getting a passing score. Specially since there are existing spelling and grammar errors in your presentation, both of which will lower the final score of the presentation along with the lower TA score.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries [2]

You have the ptoential to become a good essay writer. You have the writing talent to achieve more than just a passing score. The problem, is that you disregard the discussion instructions fort he essay as indicated in the prompt requirements. This has caused you to discuss the essay based on your own topics rather than the indicated paragraph topics. The indicated discussion topics are:

1. ...it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries
2. ... it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet.

Your topics do not discuss these aforementioned information. You are instead discussing:
1. Technology in relation to learning
2. Language learning

The focal point of the discussion is travel in relation to learning about countries. It is not focusing on travel in relation to student lives or learning requirements. These are not the required discussion topics as you can see from the above outline. Additionally, the essay instruction indicates: Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. Meaning, this is a 5 paragraph essay. It should be represented by 2 individual discussions for each public point of view, and one paragraph explaining which of the two points of view you support.

What you have presented does not indicate 2 public points of view. You have one general reference and one personal opinion. You are short by 1 comparison paragraph for the public point of view. That is not the expected discussion format.

By the way, an opinion represents a discussion, not an argument. Never indicate an argument in these essays because nobody is arguing with you. There is no fight going on. There is only a comparison of opinions, which does not ever qualify as an argument. Try to change your concluding summary opening phrase. Avoid the use of the overused, memorized phrase "In conclusion". Try to change it up by using a different reference to a concluding summary. You could say "Looking back on the earlier discussion..." or "These 3 opinions represent..." or something like that. Just avoid using memorized phrases to help increase your GRA score.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay for Australia Awards - INTRODUCING CITIZEN-CENTERED COURT SERVICES IN MONGOLIA [2]

You have to rewrite the whole essay. You only have 2000 characters to work with in this presentation. You wrote 2003 characters with spaces. That is equivalent to 2385 characters without spaces. You are over explaining things in your essay. You do not need to much introduction and conclusion presentations in this essay. Go immediately to the problem. Show the reviewer your skills. Don't just tell them. Keep it short. The information that needs to be presented is in this essay.

You should need to focus your presentation on the required elements sooner. Where there are several positive results, pick the most notable one. You keep this short by focusing on the most notable accomplishments. You don't have to enumerate all of the results. That is why this essay is running too long.

I understand you want to be as thorough as possible in your presentation. However, where there is a character maximum requirement, you do not have that liberty. You need to show that you can say more with less words. The reviewer would appreciate it more as he will be able to completely assess your qualifications in lesser time.

Scholarship / KGSP - G Personal Statement Psychology; pursuing master's degree [3]

Are you applying via U-Track? If you are applying via the embassy track, there is no need for the university choice paragraph. You need to be specific about which particular type of application you are aiming for because the university choice does not figure in the embassy track application.

Your motivations for applying to the program are good. However, it focuses too much on word usage instead of content. You need to present these information as fast as possible, without being too wordy or bordering on creative writing. It should be as simple as question = response. Be direct to the point. The reasons for your motivation should be two fold. One for career advancement and one for personal development. Your explanations need to better focus on these 2 points.

When you discuss the reasons why you chose to study in Korea, you have to avoid any reference to Korean pop culture, the K-Wave, the K-Pop success, or any of the candy coated reasons for opting to study in Korea. You are opting to study there for academic reasons. You are not aiming to go to Korea to be a tourist on the Korean governments dime. Instead, discuss how Korea excels in the field of mental health and psychology. It will require research on your part but it will show the reviewer that you are a serious student who wasn't just influenced by Korean entertainment achievements, mistaking those for valid reasons to study in Korea.

You also do not properly explain how your education and work experience at the moment applies to the change in your career path. These must be related to your patient experience as a nurse. How, as a nurse, did you assist your patients psychologically? Think about that. That should be the explanation for your education and work experience. By the way, highlight the accomplishments you had as a nurse when you studied Psychology related courses. You need to accomplish these sections very well because you do not have any Korea related work experience. However, you can impress the reviewer by highlighting your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research. In this case, you have to justify that you made an error in career choice at the start that you wish to correct now.

You have 3 portions of this essay almost properly presented. Those are the portions I discussed above. The rest of the essay that you wrote is irrelevant. The lack of proper response to the prompt requirements, as indicated in the application forms, will actually force this essay to be taken out of consideration. You have to develop a new essay that focuses only on the following elements:

Motivations with which you apply for this program
Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
Reason for studying in Korea
Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

I have given you the discussion outline for this essay. I have also made suggestions regarding how you can best correct your content. I hope you can use these suggestions when you revise your application.

Best of luck!

Scholarship / Malaria elimination target. Essay for AAS - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [5]

You are way over the word count, without spaces. You need to shorten the back story about the Malaria program in your country. Don't use it as the opening and closing paragraphs of the response. Discuss all of that in one paragraph alone. Revise the presentation to compress the thoughts within and instead, simply say that Papua is suffering from a Malaria outbreak, the government hopes to eradicate the problem by 2030 and you hope to be one of the people helping to achieve that. So instead of 3 separate paragraphs, you will have 1 clear and concise presentation of those discussion factors which clearly explain why you chose your course on a professional basis.

For the reference to Charles Darwin University, it would be better for your essay to not mention any professors from the university in such a short manner. In fact, the mention is not required. The ultra important information, pertaining to the work the university does in cooperation with your country is actually the strongest reason you have for choosing the university as your first option.

As for the University of Western Australia, remove the last sentence. It is a throw away and uses valuable character count. Instead, explain why you view the network the university will help you create is important to your studies and your final goal of curing Malaria in the future. That should be the sole focus of your reasoning.

If you edit the content of the essay based on my suggestions, You should find that the essay will come in under or exactly on the word count. Keep editing the essay in terms of word count until you reach the 2000 character mark or less. Focus on shorter but informative sentence development in your paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS：Essay about people change the jobs frequently [4]

Since this is your first Task 2 writing task, I can understand why the essay is not good at all. You need time to learn to write in English, develop your English vocabulary, and understand how a Task 2 essay should be formatted, depending on the discussion instructions. These are the main problem points of this essay that will lead it to a failing score.

The explanations are difficult to understand. There is no clarity to the explanation due to improper sentence development and problematic vocabulary. You clearly show that you are highly unfamiliar with the use of the English language. You cannot form a simple sentence that would make sense to the examiner. You use terms you do not understand such as "in sprite of" , when the proper phrase is "in spite of". These types of GRA errors, which are continuously made throughout your essay will ensure that you get a failing GRA, LR, score. The C&C consideration will also fail because of the difficulty in understanding your sentence and paragraph presentations.

I strongly urge you to not do any more Task 2 essays at this point. Instead, focus on sentence development exercises. By improving your sentence development skills, you will also increase your vocabulary usage. A properly developed sentence, which you need to learn to create, will mean that you will also be improving your vocabulary because you will learn to use specific words that will indicate what you mean to say or explain in your sentence. These exercises are available online for free.

Focus on your main writing problem for now. Learn to write in English and use proper vocabulary first. Then start working on the IELTS essay practice essays.

Writing Feedback / Essay about Techology in education - good and bad sides [3]

When you write a formal, academic essay, always aim to write at least 250 words. That is the required minimum for your presentation, regardless of whether you are writing for a class, or for an English language rating test. Your paragraphs need to have at least 3 sentences each because you are aiming to clearly explain each topic sentence to the reader using a variety of reasons, examples, and personal knowledge.

Your discussion paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and are not fully explained to the reader. Additionally, you start some paragraphs with "because". That is unacceptable in proper English presentations as "because" is a connecting word that is always used in the middle of a sentence that aims to connect a cause and effect connected presentation in one sentence.

You cannot use 2 punctuation marks, in this case a comma and ellipses in any type of grammar presentation. Use only one punctuation mark at the end of the sentence. Otherwise, the sentence is improperly formatted and will be considered grammatically wrong, with proper points deducted from your score for the lack of knowledge regarding English punctuation usage.

Try to avoid memorized phrases such as "In conclusion". Be more creative in introducing your closing statement. You could instead say something like "Considering all of these factors..."

Writing Feedback / The growth of online shopping will one-day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing [3]

The discussion topic for this essay required you to agree or disagree with the given prompt. Since you did a comparative discussion explaining why shops and towns in cities will be closing. It is easy to understand why you will get a failing score for this essay. You are given a major score based on your understanding of the discussion instruction and how you present it in the essay. Since you did not properly respond to the question which was; "Do you agree or disagree?"

You will lose a majority of your points for not providing a clear opinion on the topic. This non-response will force the examiner to score you lower than expected in the TA section. However, since your discussion shows an opinion slant, then he will score you positively on those sections. However, you will lose points again when it gets to the end where you say the situation is a win-win for the manufacturer. That was not the topic, nor the question posed, which will further reduce your TA score.

Always pay attention to the discussion instructions. Make sure you understand what format your response has to be presented in. Stick to that response justification and discussion throughout your presentation. Do not deviate. That is how you fail the test.

Writing Feedback / Should students have the same teacher for several years or have a new one each year? [4]

You forgot to give me a sample of the discussion topic and instructions from the original assignment. Please remember to do that again when you post your next essay. Thanks.

Based on this particular writing, you were able to highlight a connected discussion within your 2 discussion topics. This indicates both a cohesive and coherent discussion on your part. Although the grammar was not perfect, the fact that the discussion paragraphs supported your opinion and the reasons in each paragraph, even when reversed, means that you did an acceptable job of explaining your reasons.

You were a bit over the suggested word count though. 309 means you type fast, but, that does not assure you of a high score. I would rather you write 275-290 words and spend the rest of the time paying attention to and correcting your grammar errors. That way you can increase your chances of getting a better, higher score overall.

Spelling Errors:
* Please note that the UK and American English vocabulary spell words differently. Familiarize yourself with the UK spelling and use it whenever possible.
Analyzing (US) - Analysing (UK)
favored (US) - favoured (UK)

Word Choice Error:
... there is till some - ... still some...

There were some times when you used complicated words in place of simpler, clearer words in the essay. However, I did not consider these errors as the words were used in the right manner and would help to increase your LR score due to the more advanced word presentation.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the influence of advertising on small children [2]

Unfortunately, you did not write enough words for this essay for the examiner to consider giving you a passing score. The reason you will have a hard time achieving the 5 band score is because you under wrote in the essay. You only have 234 words out of 250 words written. The percentage of point deductions for your essay in terms of TA considerations will be marked. It can prevent the essay from achieving a passing score.

Aside from the point deductions for the missing words, you will also receive points deductions for the LR, GRA, plus C&C scoring sections. Always try to write at least 250 words to avoid being penalized for the word count. If you can avoid a word count penalty, you will have a better chance of achieving a passing score. Just make sure that your essay responds properly to the prompt requirement.

By the way, I cannot assess your essay for prompt responsiveness because you did not provide the complete, original prompt for your response essay. I really need you to provide that next time so that I can give you a full review for your work. In the meantime, I will do what I can.

Spelling:
Always remember to separate your word presentations with the space bar. The system detects word form errors as incorrect spelling. That will affect your LR score, even in a manual scoring method.

Do not use ellipses (...) in an academic essay. It creates a casual presentation in what should be an academic presentation.

Grammar:
No need for the connecting word "a" when a word is presented in plural form. The word "a" connotes a singular form. - ...a new products - ... new products...

Use a comma after an introductory word : However, some companies...
Singular - Plural word usage error: Children can turn into a sales promoter - ... can turn into sales promoters.

These are but a few of the errors that I found in your essay. There are other errors existing but I believe these are the most important errors in your essay that need to be addressed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Essay about fast food is becoming increasingly popular in most countries. [5]

When you are asked for an opinion, you are being asked to offer a point of view. You are not being asked to argue. So do not use inflammatory phrase like "I will argue". These essays do not argue, they offer a point of view. There is no need to be angry. You need to use peaceful descriptive words such as "I would consider", or " I believe", maybe even " I would opine", never "I will argue". You need to keep an academic tone when writing these essays. That is why examiners get irritated when they read essays that use exaggerated words or references in their essays.

Good reasoning paragraphs. However, you got confused and referred to the mascot of McDonald's (Ronald McDonald) as the name of the restaurant. The fast good place is simply called McDonald's. Additionally, the first reasoning paragraph has better developed discussion points. While it could have benefited from an extended explanation, your work in that paragraph is good enough. It could have been better. However, you used the A/D single paragraph discussion format properly so you will gain points for that type of paragraph presentation.

The second paragraph though, is under developed in terms of presentation. You did not fully support the reason why a mascot would successfully get a person to eat at the restaurant. It does not feel related to the original discussion requirement. It would have been great if you had used your personal experience in relation to the explanation. An opinion, when presented from a personal perspective, gives the paragraph more believability and a more applicable explanation. So the examiner tends to score those types of reasoning on a higher TA range.

Graduate / Computer Science Graduate program Application Question - Answer Essay (limited in 250words) [2]

Your transition to tech should be based on more personal and career oriented reasons. Career goals should be indicated as the progressive reason for your desire to enroll in the course. Inspiration from these people are one thing. Actually have a driving factor is another thing. That is what is missing in this essay. You only speak of your inspirations, but not the driving force for your decision. The driving force should reflect your desire to help the restaurant become a notable online presence in China. Being the graphic designer, you should be keen to add to your skills, which can help you become a sought after computer graphics artist and software engineer upon your return to China. Describe the importance of your desire to become a powerhouse computer design specialist in relation to your job. The inspiration in the second paragraph, it doesn't really show a drive. So you can remove that part and just focus on developing the first paragraph information over several paragraphs instead.

Writing Feedback / Essay about improving standard of living through economic development.. [2]

Your essay will definitely receive notable percentage deductions due to the 10 missing words that would have allowed you meet the minimum 250 word requirement. Please remember that you have to meet the minimum word count so that your essay can receive proper scoring assessments for each criteria. Writing within the 275-290 word count is the ideal essay presentation. It will allow you to better present your writing skills based on the scoring considerations.

Without the full and correct prompt, I cannot assess the content of your essay in terms of response requirements and proper response formatting. I find myself confused as to what the proper response approach would be for this discussion. That is something that becomes clear to me when I know the actual prompt. It will also allow me to give you the correct improvement suggestions for your writing shortcomings. Please remember to do that next time.

As for some problems I found in your essay:

Spelling:
aboved - above
expansation - expansion
fufil - fulfill
goverment - government
chang- change
ouut - out
undeniabe - undeniable
natuural - natural
familyu - family

Word usage:
life style - lifestyle
bring - brings
out look - outlook

Writing Rules:
Do not capitalize the letter I unless used in first person pronoun form in a sentence or, when used to indicate a proper noun

These are the errors that I noticed in your essay. I did not look into your presentation as, like I previously indicated, the essay does not meet the minimum word count so it will have points deductions for that, along with other deductions, per scoring consideration, based on the scoring criteria. It is not going to achieve a passing score anyway.

Writing Feedback / To solve the problem of crime is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree. [2]

Since this is a simple agree or disagree essay, you should not use the comparison format for the discussion. The only side that must be discussed here is your disagreement. You have to use 2 related reasons for your disagreement. The 2 related reasons should be presented within 2 separate paragraphs. That means, you use one topic per paragraph. Each paragraph must be fully explained and supported by an example in order to be considered clear and fully developed by the examiner.

Your essay conclusion is incorrect as you offered a restatement of the prompt and your opinion, but then inserted a reference to an advantage comparative discussion which altered your response. Your answer now went from a disagreement to a comparative discussion that indicated the importance of both discussion responses (Agree / Disagree). The concluding paragraph should have instead, just repeated the topic sentence, your opinion, and your 2 related reasons.

Your essay cannot receive a passing score when your overall presentation tends to present a confusing opinion. If you cannot present a solid opinion and offer supporting information for it, then the examiner will score you based on the fact that you do not have a clear opinion presented.

Writing Feedback / A proposal is that the fuel price for every vehicle should be put up [2]

I believe that you did not use the correct prompt for this essay. For a Task 2 test, the prompt for this topic goes like this:

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement? What other measures do you think might be effective?

You uploaded a different prompt for your discussion, I will review the essay based upon that partially complete requirement. I will not review it based on the IELTS topic presentation because you did not indicate that this is for a Task 2 essay.

What I can tell you is that your discussion presentation is not very well presented. Your opinion is clear, but your reasoning is not. This confusion boils down mostly to vocabulary choice and sentence structure issues in your essay. I believe you need to read up more on the tense usage rules, sentence formation, and vocabulary exercises. Focusing on these problem points during your lessons should help you to better develop your discussion presentations. You will learn to form clearer sentences, use proper time references, and, most specially, use the correct vocabulary in your presentations.

I did not go part by part into the errors of your essay because there are too many of these to point out. However, I do not mind offering you a few examples of some errors.

Grammar Errors:
Use a comma between clauses : ...nearly the entire world, but ...
Concise language uses creates clarity in sentence presentations: ... in order to improve public...
Use a comma before the word "and" for clarity: ... especially free buses, and ...

These are only a few of the existing errors in your essay. There are more to point out but you won't understand why the errors exist unless you understand the rudimentary requirements of writing in English.

Writing Feedback / Communication via calling or texting? [2]

This essay asks you to take the first person approach to the discussion. Your examples and opinion should be based on your personal preferences for making phone calls. It should also contain the reasons why you, as an individual and a user, do not prefer to use text messaging. Your two paragraphs should represent one personal opinion for each. Why does this essay require your personal opinion and the use of first person pronouns in the discussion? Look at the discussion requirements:

Which manner of communication do you prefer? Use specific reasons to explain your opinion

The emphasis of the discussion is on the word YOU. It indicates that the essay needs to use personal experience, personal preference, and personal explanations. All using the first person reference. Do not focus on sweeping discussions such as the workplace for this essay. Bring it closer to home since it asks for your opinion. Your reasons and opinion should be based on your experience. What makes you dislike texting? Give an example. Why do you prefer to make phone calls? Explain how this served as an advantage for you in the past. These personal references would have made the explanations stronger and more informative as you will have provided a solid foundation (personal experience), causing your discussion to make more of an impact and most likely, bring up your scoring potential.

Remember, you have to choose which communication method you prefer and base your explanations on that opinion.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: In some places, teenagers are motivated to get part-time jobs while they are still in school [4]

You clearly understood the topic for discussion. You also knew exactly how to format your essay based on the discussion instruction. Your use of the A/D discussion was the correct format for this essay. However, you should have paid more attention to developing your discussion points. Since the essay calls for an A/D on the plural side, you should have used 2 A/D discussions in the following format:

- 1 Topic sentence (A or D). Use group pronouns to signify that you do / do not support this statement.
- One reasoning sentence in support / non-support of the discussion
- One opposing sentence (A or D). Make sure to use first person pronouns to clearly indicate you are in favor of / not in favor of this discussion topic and not the former.

- One example sentence
- One supporting explanation to strengthen the opposing sentence and example

Do that twice for the reasoning paragraphs. In order to create a properly developed and clear paragraph presentation. You should use only one topic sentence per paragraph. Otherwise, you leave the second reason presented in the same paragraph little developed. It requires more explanation but you have already run out of space to develop that particular discussion topic.

That is the reason why you have to use only one topic per paragraph. You can use up to 6 sentences to clearly explain one topic. However, presenting a second discussion within the same paragraph will make the format hard to read. So separate the second reason. It will give you more room to properly explain the second reason and will help you better address the plurality requirements of the discussion.

You should really try to write at least 275 - 290 words for this essay. It will help you better present your writing abilities and increase your overall scoring consideration. If you make sure to write 3-5 sentences for the paraphrase and another 3-5 for the concluding paraphrase, you will meet that suggested word requirement. It will make a big difference in your scoring potential.

Writing Feedback / Punishment is necessary to help children distinguish between right and wrong [2]

This essay will get a failing score because it did not follow the required discussion format. Based on the original prompt, the following indicators should have shown up in the response discussion:

Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age
Reason: Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Additional Instruction: What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

If you breakdown the original presentation in the above manner, you should be able to see when you veer away from the instructions or, if you have forgotten to address certain aspects of the discussion. In your case, the following can be seen:

Topic: parents should apply punishments to their offspring (Correct)
Reason: teach them to distinguish between right and wrong ( Correct, but lacks the use of alternative words to represent the original keywords. You used the cut and paste phrase "between right and wrong this would affect your LR and GRA score.)

Response: ... true in a certain extent (Lacking an emotional response and clear opinion. What do you really believe? Pick one side)
Additional response: not all punishment can take positive effects. (Incorrect. You failed to represent a discussion of alternative punishments for teachers and parents)

Your essay, based on your given response outline clearly failed to address the last discussion instruction in the original presentation. This led you to alter the total, overall discussion and in the process, create an essay that did not fully address the prompt. You did not represent all of the required discussion instructions so your essay is only partially relevant and correct in addressing the requirements. It may be difficult for this work to get a passing score since there are also other grammar related errors that exist in the essay, which would have further lowered the final scoring consideration.

The instruction was to provide alternative punishments for parents and teachers to apply to the children. You only focused on the parent discussion. That means the essay is missing out on discussing specific, important points in the presentation. This will lead to a lower than expected TA score as well. This is an additional reason why I said it will be difficult for this essay to achieve a 5 band score.

Writing Feedback / Punish criminals and training courses and education offer [2]

As you did not include the original discussion instruction for this essay, I will omit reviewing it based on any possible prompt discussions available. Instead, I will do a grammar review for you. Please make sure to upload a copy of the complete prompt next time. Either retype the prompt or upload a copy as an image using the image button above the text box. I will assume that you are perfecting your UK English writing style so I will be using the grammar rules specific to that English version for your grammar review.

Sometimes, it is better to use a simpler word than a complicated one in a presentation. Simple references often add more clarity to the discussion presentation because it is better suited to the sentence being developed. As in the case of the following:

... providing education for... - ... supplying education...
... and social discrimination later on. - ... social discrimination later.

For better developed paragraphs, you should use either a single topic sentence or 2 connected topic sentences, without the use of numerical ordinals. Use connecting sentences instead. In your first reasoning presentation, you did not fully develop the discussion for the 2 topics because of the redundant reasons you provided. Always use different but connected reasons in such presentations so that you have an opportunity to present new information and a new explanation. Avoid redundant explanations in a single paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Lifelong lessons - Personal Eperience essay for CBEST. [4]

Your essay stays on point throughout. You clearly understood the prompt and your narration is acceptable. There are is a repeated word choice error in the essay. You keep addressing the word taught , meaning to teach, as thought, which means to think. This vocabulary error is disturbing to me because it shows that you do not have a strong English word foundation. You also displayed some errors in sentence formation, which resulted in an improper understanding of the sentence. That is located in the following:

... our tent with plastic to keep it warm and dripping.

You just told the examiner that you bought a plastic cover to allow your tent to keep on leaking into the sleeping area underneath the tent. The correct representation is:

.. it warm and prevent the tent from dripping.

The above partial sentence indicates that you are using the plastic bag for 2 related reasons, to keep you warm and to stop the water from entering the tent because the rainwater makes you feel cold and wet. Clarity is important when presenting a narrative. So you have to make sure that you do not confuse the examiner as he reads your work. Otherwise, you will lose additional points for your improper presentation. There are other errors in your work but these are the ones that I feel your attention needs to be called to the most.

While your sentence structure errors are frequent, it does not often prevent the understanding of what you are trying to say. While that may be so, you should still focus on presenting clear, properly structured, and appropriately formatted sentences. Otherwise, you could end up with an essay that will fall under the 2 band score. I will be generous here and give you a starting score of 3. Just pay attention to the necessary corrections and always make sure to deliver clearly developed and properly worded essays next time. You should be able to improve your score next time if you focus on proper word usage and sentence clarity.

Writing Feedback / Working women culture affect juvenile development [2]

As an extent essay, you have to focus your response on showcasing why the argument in support of the topic is incorrect. Your response to the question should be solidly placed on one side of the discussion, you cannot take the middle road. However, you could use an advanced discussion method to properly address each reason. For the question response, you should be using emotional terms such as strongly, fully, wholly, increasingly, emphatically, and other emotionally descriptive words in addition to your dis/agreement with the topic.

From there, the reasoning paragraphs could use the following format:
Sentence 1 : Topic
Sentence 2: Reason this is supported by people
Sentence 3: Reason you oppose or support the discussion point
Sentence 4: Example to strengthen your explanation
Sentence 5: Additional explanation in support of the example or transition sentence into the next topic

By using the above format you will be able to strengthen the extent of your opinion because you can use additional emotional terms such as ; I vehemently oppose / support, I strongly urge the support / non-support, I adamantly dis/agree, to name but a few emotional phrases that you could use in this discussion that would help you better respond to the given discussion instruction. Part of the reason why you have to pick one side to support using emotional responses is because this will help the examiner assess you LR and GRA skills. Certain types of questions are used to assess specific writing skills in the exam takers. This essay question assesses these specific aspects of your writing and opinion development skills.

Scholarship / International relations - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? (AAS 2019) [6]

The problem with your essay response is that you focused on your background and explaining the current status of Indonesia in relation to the course you are interested in. What you should have been doing instead is discussing how the problem of Indonesia affects your current job. By explaining how it affects your job, you will be able to present a more proper explanation of why you chose to enroll in this course. Basically, you have to present the following information:

- Your job description
- How the course relates to your current job
- What skills you hope to build based upon the course offering / requirement
- How do these skills building lessons apply to your current tasks? What will it help you address?
- How did you end up choosing the university? What was your criteria?
- How do these criteria represent your academic goals?
- How does your professional requirement and academic goals combine to create a singular career purpose for you?
- What is that career purpose and how does it help resolve an issue in relation to your job?

If you can supply the information based on those guide questions, within 2000 characters, then your application essay will be more relevant to the question posed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Whether to have a year to rest after high schools continues to be a controversial topic [2]

Your discussion is good but lacking. This comparison, not A/D essay is always discussed using the 5 paragraph format. You cannot summarize the 2 points of view and then propose that as both your concluding sentence and opinion. The opinion is the 3rd paragraph within the reasoning presentation. The conclusion is a summary of the 3 discussion points and topic statement. You got confused in your presentation,which led to the formatting error. By the way, you are a single person, you have only 1 perspective. Perspectives refers to several points of view, coming from several persons. That is not the case here. Brush up on your singular and plural word form / usage. That is a clear GRA and LR error.

This is an academic paper that does not require the use of word shortcuts. That means, you do not use the term "etc." in the presentation. Use a full stop instead. In terms of content, your reasoning focus so much on the examples, but not the justifications or supporting explanations for the examples. Therefore, these paragraphs will be deemed under developed and confusing in presentation. You must always provide one strong example, then use the remaining sentence allotments to help further explain why the examples support the earlier presented public opinion.

Scholarship / SUPPORTING STATEMENT - FOR AUSTRALIA AWARDS SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION - Mas. of Bus. Admin Maritime [2]

You should be focusing on developing your content based on the following parts of your current essay:

- I am choosing this ...qualification and knowledge.I am confident that this course Papua New Guinea Medium Term Development Plan 2018 2020 (PNG MTDP III). Since I have been working ...I am choosing the course.

At this point, you must indicate how your current profession already allows you to participate in this program, but you have certain lacking skills which prevent you from further participation. You should also clarify the following confusing presentation:

- The need of improving maritime industry of the transport sector has prompted me to apply for the course for which I was accepted and given a Study Offer to study that is now pending my acceptance of the study offer. (Refer copy of University of Tasmania Study Offer Letter).

Either clarify this point or take it out of the presentation. It does not help advance your response. The reviewer does not need to know about any study offer. He doesn't care about that. The focal point is the "Why do you want to enroll in this course?" It does not matter to him who pays for your tuition.

Your reason for choosing the university is useless. It does not indicate any academic goals you may have which the institution can help you better build upon. For example, does the university internship programs for the course? What sort of training might yo receive that prompted you to pick this specific university? Work on delivering clear and actual reasons, not glossed over generalized presentations. It is these general presentations that prove to be the main problem of this essay.

Writing Feedback / Fatherhood out to be emphasised as motherhood, the idea that women are solely responsible for decidi [3]

Wow! You are using so many archaic words in his essay that the examiner will definitely see how you are trying to impress him with your memorized knowledge of the English dictionary. I do not mean that in a good way. Your essay sounds like you are orating rather than giving a modern day opinion of the discussion topic. You are not writing an 18th century paper. So why are you trying to sound like one? There is no natural sound to this paper at all. You are going to have the examiner reaching for a dictionary, trying to figure out what it is you are trying to say. As others would say, SPEAK ENGLISH! When that is said, you should know that you went overboard with your dictionary usage. That, is the main problem with your first paragraph. You will not score better for using obsolete English words. Throw away the dictionary and use everyday English words. You will score better in the LR and GRA section if you are better understood using modern English words. You will score less using ancient English because you just may end up using it in the wrong or an exaggerated manner. I know the words you used sounded impressive, but that is not enough reason to use such hyperbolic words in an essay that looks at how you use everyday English to express yourself.

Listen, make your opinion clear at the very beginning. Simply state if you agree or disagree with the essay. It will be better for your score to have a definite position rather than straddling the line. The examiners score you on the clarity of your position. That means, you pick one side and stick to it. Either you agree or disagree with the presentation. If you say that you agree with both sides, or that the discussion of both sides are balanced, then you do not have a clear opinion. You only have reasoning considerations, which are totally different from having an opinion. It like you are saying "Yes but no." In which case, the question becomes "So which is it? Yes or no?" See? There is no opinion response provided, only a consideration response. Both your reasons will be better scored if you can present both a public and personal opinion that shows the strength of your belief in your opinion.

Writing Feedback / MUSEUMS AND ART GALLERIES ARE NOT NEEDED TODAY [3]

You have written a good piece that is only marred by your vocabulary usage. You have chosen words that you hope would increase your LR score rather than choosing words that would better suit the simplicity of the discussion. In which case, you ended up using words in the wrong manner, thus reducing your LR and GRA score instead. Whoever told you that you have to use complex vocabulary to get a good score was incorrect. You need to use natural sounding vocabulary that makes the sentence easy for the reader to understand. Using archaic words such as "err" , which actually misdirected your response, making it confusing to understand, looks good on paper, but may not be good for the meaning of the presentation.

Both your reasoning paragraphs focused only on trying to use vocabulary in an impressive manner rather than presenting a clear and well developed essay discussion per paragraph. This further added to the reader's confusion when it came to trying to understand what you had to say. For example, in paragraph 2, you should have presented sentence 3 before sentence 2. Reverse the positions and you will find that your discussion would have been better supported by the example and your meaning would have been clearer upon the first reading of the passage. The same problem exists for paragraph 3. These are the primary reasons why your essay will leave the examiner thinking that your essay is under developed and lacking in explanation. Your vocabulary usage isn't the only scoring consideration. Balance your focus for each scoring aspect. One is no more important than the other. Each contributes to your increased scoring potential.

You misspelled Louvre as Lourve. See? Even with your heavy focus on vocabulary, the lack of spell checking resulted in your misspelled word. Do not under estimate the importance of spellchecking and content editing. These could help you pass the test in the future.

Kindly review he opening restatement and concluding summary requirements. Both need to have at least 3 sentences in the presentation. They have similar functions in the presentation, except the latter is a reverse summary of the former. You need to summarize the preceding discussion for the concluding summary.

Graduate / Why the need to study environment? SOP Just a start. [2]

Your SOP should be more related to your background in Biosecurity. The purpose of your masters application must be to further enhance your skills within this realm. That means, you should be focusing on discussing your current career. Consider the following:

- What does Biosecurity mean to you?
- Based on the first question, describe how you have driven yourself to personify that meaning.
- Give a summary of your relevant undergraduate education. Focus on the classes that will show you have a solid foundation that will help you become a successful masters student.

- What is the next step in your career?
- What steps have you successfully taken to achieve the next step in your career?
- What shortcomings have you realized you have?
- How do you expect the course you have chosen to help you strengthen your skills in this field?
- How do you expect the university to help you achieve specific academic goals in relation to your career? 8. What do you hope to accomplish professionally upon completing this course?

Unless you have a specific prompt requirement to respond to, you should find the guide questions above quite useful in redirecting your current discussion towards a more relevant focus. You should be able to insert or delete some of the information from this version to help you gain a more centered SOP presentation.

Writing Feedback / People have been facing many environmental damages caused by gas emissions from private transport [5]

Was this written for the Task 2 IELTS Essay test? Kindly remember to indicate if this is an English exercise or a practice test so that I will be able to give you the most applicable and focused advise next time. For now, I'll be focusing on what I can without concentrating on any particular English test or exercise. Also, post the full prompt next time as I do not believe that what you provided is the correct, complete, and most accurate representation of the original prompt.

What I can see is that you did a comparative discussion of the possible reasons to (not) support the given discussion topic. If the prompt allows you to use a comparative discussion then that is alright. However, the discussion still asks you to present a solid opinion at the end. You did not deliver a true opinion, based on the comparative discussion you presented. So your writing actions could probably be only partly correct. It can only be fully correct if you presented a solid and singular personal opinion within the presentation.

You need to have a proper representation of your personal opinion by presenting your discussion using a first person pronoun. You have to show that you have a background of or knowledge regarding English writing rules, regardless of whether it be in UK or American English. You must ensure that you show your proper academic writing abilities by presenting your opinion in the proper manner. In this instance, you should have an extra paragraph that will help the reader understand what your actual point of view is, based upon the comparative discussion points you presented. You should never make it a habit to present that as a one liner in the conclusion. You have to develop your response completely. That means you need to present:

- Your opinion
- Your primary reason for believing this
- An example that proves your point
- An expanded explanation based on the sample
- Your transition sentence

Without knowing the full qualifications for this essay, I would say that you did an acceptable job, but you fell short in some areas of the presentation. I indicated how that happened above.

With regards to your vocabulary, your word choices are good, but not really within the expectations for this type of essay. You should be using simpler words that would help the presentation feel more naturally written as opposed to using complicated words that do not really work well in meaning with the overall sentence presentation.