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Posts by badafebriani17
Name: BadaFebriani
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 34
Posts: 41  
From: Indonesia
School: Jendereal Sudirman University

Displayed posts: 75 / page 2 of 2
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badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The popular opinion that the company has to focus only on how to make money [2]

Hello, IvanMS027.
i think your essay is really good. it is simple but i can get your idea. but i want to give you some suggests

1. Furthermore, they should not only focus on how to make money as greater as possible.
i think you have to ensure meaning of this sentence. you want to explain greater? or as great as possible?
remember this form:
as....as....
greater... than.....
or i have a suggestion to correct this sentences
e.g.: Furthermore, they should not only focus on, how to make money more as great as possible.

2. don't forget to add comma in your sentences that consist of conjunction words
[who, but also, how, where, so]

e.g.:The ones, who only search ...
... not only gather money, but also solve the ...
... company has to only focus on, how to make money.
... problem in the nation, where the branch on.
... infrastructure problem, so that the education ...

i hope it will be useful. good job and good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several goals of business that people want to achieve it. [3]

Hello miss septiadara29
i think your essay is pretty good. but let me give you some suggestions

1. there are misspellings
enterpreneur--> entrepreneur
untill ------------->until

2. you should put article "the" when you use superlative words
giving best-----> giving the best

good luck

3. ... accept their job offer, besides the purpose ...
beside---> preposition to mention something around you [e.g.: pen beside a book]
besides--> preposition or linking verb that has meaning " in additional to"
so, i think it more suitable if you use "besides" in this sentence

good job. and good luck miss
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are some rooms where the warm air is leaking outside. Air leaks and heat loss in houses [2]

The diagram illustrates the information about how air regulation in a house that air flows inside and heat flows outside caused by air leaks and heat loss in a house. Overall, the biggest air leaking which is flow into the house comes from main room and the highest air leaking that flow out of house comes from bathroom.

Based on the diagram, there are some rooms that result air leaking out of the house, such as bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. The most of heat loss comes from bathroom which caused by recessed lamps. Kitchen is the second highest that loss heat causes by hidden lights. The lowest of heat loss is from the bedroom.

The main bedroom has much air that flows inside through the ventilation and door. Kitchen and laundry room which have air lower than bedroom that getting fresh air from the vent and window. Then, the least air fresh that leaks into the house comes from the bathroom which air getting inside through electrical outlet.



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badafebriani17   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / A questionnaire for people that related to communication capacities important in their jobs [2]

The table shows the information about some questions from people that related to communication capacities were important in their jobs. This measurement took in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the biggest number of communication external came from dealing with people. Listening carefully to colleagues of internal aspect was the largest in that two years.

Based on the table can be seen that there was an increase from 60% to 65%. The second largest came from knowledge of particular product or services, which is rose significantly, by six percent in 2006. Although, the other experienced fell slightly, by three percent.

From internal aspect of communication, the highest increase came from listening carefully to colleagues, by nine percent (form 38% to 47%). The second highest came from instructing of training people, at 30% in the second survey, but it had same of the number of increasing, at five percent. Planning the activities of other, and making speeches or presentations rose highly not more that four percent. (163w)



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badafebriani17   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Without action to solve this problem, electronics may destroy a relationship between loved people [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, most of the people like to using an electronic gadget. Some people say that there is a disadvantage from using a gadget. I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect to the users.

People using gadget because many reasons from its function. In fact it has a negative effect to human life. The disadvantage of electronic media usage because it makes someone less time to do relationship with the others. For example, primary high school student who using an electronic media. They will spend a lot of time in front of their gadget, such as laptop, and IPad. They took a long time just for play games by their gadget or they spent their weekend for play PSP in their homes. They prefer playing alone rather than go out with their classmates or relatives. This condition is not good for development their social capability. Because they will lose their moments and contacts with their the loved people.

On the other hand, they might be become un respect with other people around area where they live. The electronic media that they usage, serves many information without any filters, which they not know where the sources and for who the content is purposed. If the children consume any information that have bad impact, it will affect their perception to other people. the study says that most of the young experience the improvement of social relationships it their lives, in 11-18 age group. But, good relationship will not produce without any stimulant, such as gather with families, help older people and make friend. They never do those activities, because they fulfill their time for playing games. If this condition is experienced in long time, they will lose attention for their parent or they will not any friends.

To sum up, there is a bad effect from usage of an electronic media by teenagers. I believe that if there is no action to solve this problem, it will destroy their relationship with loved people
badafebriani17   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : The Causes of Acne [3]

Hello. inda18. this is my suggestion.

(...) form new structure called bio films making the ...

3. Bruggemann, are most defens eless against outbreak

... to find new mediations for these problems.

i hope it will be useful. good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / I totally disagree that banning air travel is the only strategy to stop air pollution. [7]

Hello misskitty22. i want to give some suggestions.
actually, your essay is pretty good. you used a good idea. but i think your essay has to build with more explanation in your body of paragraph.

... contribution of other transportations such as car and ...
put comma before conjunction " such as"

... disaster area become more efficient and quicker
the comparison. if the word that read by one syllable you can add -er in the end or word---> quicker

good luck. i hope it will be useful
badafebriani17   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The perspective of the people about a healthy lifestyle [4]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Other, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit they want to be.

This day, in a modern era, many people have a problem with their health. For instance, a lack to do some exercises. Some people say that exercising is uneasy activity, but other people argue that a healthy lifestyle in this matter is an exercise, is simple and easy to apply it.

The workers usually spend a lot of time in their offices. They do their jobs from the morning until the evening. It condition makes they rarely to go to the sport center for their healthy need. Because, they spent leisure time in the weekend just to stay in home or got to the shop. So, it will difficult to having sport. If, they continue this behaviour may they will experience decreasing of health standard. For example a cardiovascular diseases, because they have no time to make their body more fit.

On the other hand, people argue that healthy lifestyle is easy to apply in their lives. For example, the employee in the office with rush and many deadline tasks, they can use opportunities such as like walking to go to the office. They can keep their condition in fit. If, they walking routinely. Many benefits from walking. They can burn their calories and their muscle feet became stronger. So, it is good for their healthy. The study discovered that walking 1000 steps every day can increase the immune and make the person's bone stronger, so it very useful and suitable for busy employee who want to improve their healthy.

There are many issues about a healthy lifestyle recently. People think that healthy lifestyle is difficult because a reason. But it will easier with do a simple activity that possible to do. But, very useful for healthy. I believe that everyone can improve their habit to healthy, whatever their job, with do simple activity but routine.
badafebriani17   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / If you want to free your time to start live healthier, just make it happen! [2]

Hello Pramudiana27. i think your essay is pretty good, but this is my suggestion.
1. Meanwhile, others have opposite perception...
i think in this sentence, you missed out to put a comma after conjunction "meanwhile"

... people especially workers and employees are always ...
i think the words between "workers" and "employees" are have same meaning. so you can write one of them. or if you want to use both, you should use conjunction "or"

3. Furthermore, if they want to give them ...
i think in this sentence, you missed out to put a comma after conjunction "furthermore"

4. ThanThen in weekend he always...
than --> used to explain the comparison. [......more.....than....]
then---> adverb --> to mean "next"
i think this sentence more suitable with use "then"

i hope it will be useful. good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bulgaria immigrate - is there a relation between intelligence and willingness to immigration? [2]

Hello pramudia27. i think your essay is pretty good. but let me give you some suggestions.
i like your writing style. i can understand easily and know the information about the graph with your explanation. but i think it too short. i know that it have qualified of the minimum words (at least 150 words), but be careful of your essay length, better you write more.

1. The proportion of citizen Bulgaria who wanted to...
i think you have to change--> Bulgarian citizen

2. Whereas, in 2008 it just has percentage about 9%.
numbers up to ten---> you should write as words (nine, five)
numbers over ten ---> you should write as figures (2002/ 19 etc)
percentage---> The percentage

3. Meanwhile, the percentage of citizen country...

i hope it will be useful
badafebriani17   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart shows information about educational stage of Bulgarian who wanted study to overseas [2]

The chart below gives you information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

The chart shows information about educational stage of Bulgarian who wanted study to overseas in three period (2002, 2006, and 2008). The educational stages were consist from primary until higher education. Overall, there was an upward trend of the percentage of primary and lower education. The highest number came from secondary education.

Based on the chart, all of educational stages were under 70% in the three period. There was a gradual incline of higher education from 17 (2002) to 20 (2006). It was the least number among the others. Then dropped sharply by nine percent in the last year of period.

Secondary education reached number one in all years, and it peaked at 65 during 2002. But it fell slightly to 61 and 59 (2006-2008). In 2002 the number of primary and lower education rose smoothly from 18 to 19, but peaked in 2008, at 32 percent. It was the biggest upward between other educational type, by 13%.

To sum up, primary and pre school education experienced upward trend dramatically, but the highest number of educational stage was secondary education.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The school also have responsibility to guide children about socializing. [3]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

Childhood is a condition when person experience changing of life stage. Many people think a parent has to learn children to be able to a party of society. However, the parent is most important sector to improve their social-relationship skill, but i believe that school also have responsibility to learn children about socializing.

Many people argue that children need education in social life from their parent. Parent is the closest person to children. So, parent has a big responsibility to grow their child as a human social who can contribute in society. Because parent know well about their child personality and having an emotional relationship, so it will easier to approach children and it will give an effective way to learn them to be a person who more sensitive in knowing their social lives. However, parent is vital to improving social ability's children, but there are other sectors that have responsibility to teach schoolchildren such as school.

School is place where children spend a lot of time. They study with their teacher. Some people say a teacher has responsibility to teach schoolchildren about ho to socialize with the others. Even, parent is necessary in this matter but school has an important role to increase their life capacity, because a teacher usually to be a role mode. The children may think that the resource of knowledge comes from their teacher. For example, when they are in the school, when they will ask to their teacher about everything. Then they had bad experience because of their classmate. The first person who they asked for help is a teacher. So, school is suitable place for the children to learn about socialize in a society.

To sum up, there are sectors who have responsibility to improve the children's sense of community, such as parent. Although, parent is important person but school also necessary to grow up children's ability in socializing.
badafebriani17   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The causes of worldwide land degradation (in percent) and the consequences of such phenomenon [2]

the pie chart below shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive. the table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart shows information about the main factors that causes where agricultural land experience decreasing of function which occur in three continents of the world during 1999s. The table gives overview about the number of degradation land based on the area (North America, Europe and near Australia). Overall, the highest causes of grand degradation came from over-grazing in farming activity. The greatest degradation occure in Europe.

Based on the pie chart, the percentage of over-grazing was accounted 35%, and it was dominated among other causes. The second highest came from increasing forest function and illegal logging, at 30%. The least number came from other reasons.

The table illustrate that Europe was as main contributor in degradation, at 23% which it gave 9,8 of deforestation and 7,7 over cultivation. However, Europe is the highest percentage totally, but other islands including Australia and New Zealand gave the largest number of over-grazing and they were not experienced in over-cultivation.

In conclusion, the worldwide land degradation most caused by over-grazing and the friendlier land is North America.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two diverse opinions about the best place to teach children about being a good member of a community [2]

to teach the child, but others think that

better you add comma before conjunction (because, but etc)

After that, i became a leader ...

2. you can use collocation that has a close meaning
"they meet many infants "--> infant usually use to explain about baby

you cant use collocation such as: they meet many infantss/ shcoolchidrean

e.g: Some people think that parents at home are responsible to teach the child, but others think that school is the proper place to learn.

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / In 1990s the land in North America was most affected by over-cultivation factor with 3.3%. [4]

1. ... some factors that caused production of agricultural field
better you add one of the keywords from the question---> degradation

e.g.: The pie chart provides information about some factors that caused (degradation of) production of agricultural field

2. ... had been degraded (...) North America with 5%.
number more than ten ---> write as picture [1993/ 35/ 1000 etc]
number below ten---> write as a word [four, two]
North America with 5%.--> five percent

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The answer people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives [3]

How satisfied are you with your live? and What would make you happinest?

The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answer people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiness.

The graph provide information about stage where they feel satisfied across different age group and show about reasons that make people happy (health and money) along their ages until 75+. Overall, there was an upward trend of satisfied people however it fell in middle age. There is a positive correlation between happiness of health factor and along the ages.

Satisfied stages of male is higher than female in the young age, and both fell in 21-30 years old, at 5,2 after that it fell again to 5,0 in the middle age. However, the age of 41-50 old was the least, but both reached a peak in elder, at 5,6.

The second graph shows there was an upward trend of health need from above ten percent to 45% (15-24 until 65-74), and it peaked in 65-74 years old, and the next stage there was slight decrease at 42 percent. However, in young stage shown that money was the highest reason at 55% but it dropped sharply until 75+.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / There's a good effect of having business suit but the value of performance in job is most important [3]

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Other value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Business development causes a competition between corporations. The famous company usually applied a rule for the employees to look more impressive in every they do work activities. However, there was an good effect of having business suit, but i believe that the value of performance in their job is most important.

Most of popular corporation has obligation for the employees to wear suit and tie along they do work. It was important because it can influence to the costumers. For instance, a teller bank. She or he have to look tidy, impressive and good looking, because if they have beautiful appearance, the transaction will be held as well. Besides, dressing smartly can attract many bank users, so it can increase the relationship opportunity among other companies.

Good looking not always become first factor to raise success in business company. I think the other causes of successful corporation, one of them is how they result a product that it has a value. For example, a programing company has more prefer to recruit workers who have many skills, because quality of human resource can influence rate of work productivity. They not need to wear tie suit. They can use every shirt that they enjoy and comfort to do their work. For example, a developer apps or programs prefer to use T-shirt, because their look is not affect to their product at all.

Superior corporations result from who person that involve it. I believe that suit smartly can influence success a company, but the quality of workers is the most significant factor that can improving a corporation productivity. So, you can wear every kind of dress that you like but it has to suit and depend on your occupant and year purpose in every your activity.
badafebriani17   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work [3]

Hello. this is my suggestion

1. missing prepotition
There are many types job ---> There are many types ofjob
2. parallel structure
article "a/an"
such as a employee, a teacher, advertising, a businessman, a driver and so on--->such as an employee, a teacher, an advertiser, a businessman, a driver and so on.

advertising = noun "the business of trying to persuade people to buy product or services" (Cambridge dict.)
may be you will mention a person that do advertising---> advertiser

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dress smartly or quality of work? I think it depends on our obligation in occupation. [5]

Hello. this is my suggestion

1. Taking a sales promotion as an example.

Taking ---> V+ing in front sentence-- i think "taking" that you mention is 'gerund'
so, missing verb in this sentence---> you can add tobe "is"
i think preposition "for" more suit for your sentence

e.g.: Taking a sales promotion is for an example.

2. It is also use for make a good ...

i think there are double verbs... "is" and "use"----> may be you can change --->is used
for make---> better you change preposition "for"----> to

e.g.: It is also used to make a good image for their company.

3. ... comfortable dress for work since they think casual dress make their worker feel enjoyable...
i think there is double verb---> you can add a conjunction

e.g.:These companies suggest to their employee to use their comfortable dress for work since they think that casual dress make their worker feel enjoyable and it gives impact to their work effectiveness.

4. Due to that reason, when job-seeker looking for interview session, dress smartly is one of company assessments.
there is missing verb---> you can add to be [was/were]

e.g.:Due to that reason, when job-seekers were looking for interview session, dress smartly is one of company assessments.

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice - business instead of working for a company. [4]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for the people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?.

Development in business sector grow rapidly, recently. There are many new business innovations build to getting better salary such as a start-up company. I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice. Although, many risks but star a company has outweigh the advantages in many sides.

Starting a new business has many benefits. First, this chance to open job opportunities. Many people who unemployment and still become job seekers. Louncing a new start-up company make chance to try their ability in entrepreneur as a worker. This condition can increase their income and productivity so can help government to solve problem especially in jobless rate. Besides, it can make us to be an innovator. For example, handicraft from waste it can rise innovation and build self-esteem like how to change a problem to be income source and it necessary for regularly people, nowadays.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages for create new corporation. Because high risk for collapse because there is a tight competition with other companies. Example the company with high technology that provides many attractive products. If a company not has equipment that can positioned from the collapse may it will easy go broke. And how cruel the planning to return the corporation in good position. However, the risk is very strong, but I believe the advantages for the start-up corporation is outweigh from the disadvantages.

All in all, there are many unpleasant opportunities that we can experience if we start-up business but the benefit is more than disadvantages, such as it can decrease jobless rate and to fulfill need for self-esteem so it can good chance if it experience properly.
badafebriani17   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays people are more interested to have an own company, despite some dangers and drawbacks. [3]

Hi this is my suggestion.
1. ... for competing with other (company) and ready to ...
Preposition+Ving---> so you need ad preposition before "competing"

2. ... their job every time(,) whenever they want to finish.
put comma after conjunction "whenever"

3. ... afraid to get high risk (he/she) can work in ...
need Subject between two clauses
badafebriani17   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The form of a wave-energy machine and several locations that it can be placed [5]

1. Wind sensor function is accepts a wind and lit generator
there are double subject, may you can change the sentence like this:

e.g.: (the function of wind sensor is to accepts) a wind and to lit up generator.

2. And the last is (a) computer, (it function is to accepts) info from sensor.

its= pronoun--> you can make it "it function is to accepts"

3. ..., as a results, generator will be (lift up) because wind was ...

will be lit ---> will be lift up

4. After that the turbine will ...

put comma after "that" word..

5. Based o the figures, we can ...
may be you just miss spelling--> "based on"

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to produce power energy using wind turbine with its proper location [6]

The diagrams give the information about how producing power energy using wind turbine and that located in 3 different areas. The equipments that needed are a generator, blades, wind sensor and a computer. Overall, wind turbine which are located in hill and sea produce more power of electricity. However, the wind turbine located in the sea is not spoiled the scenery.

Process installation a wind turbine is began from build the installation. First, a generator, blades, wind sensor are placed in the top of tower. After that, the installation is connected by a computer to transfer the sensor which are cathed by wind sensor from wind's pressure through the blides. So, the turbine can be rotated and a generator can be activated to produce electricity.

Oh the other hand, wind turbine can be located in hill, sea and near domestic. When wind turbines that are located in hill and sea can produce much electricity power, at 1,5 megawatts. Then, the wind turbine is applied in housing just produce 100 kilowatts.

\
In conclusion, producing an electricity that using wind can use a simple gerator-installation. If you need more electricity power you can modify with applying it in strategic area.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The common people's live is very interesting. Media for Celebrities or Ordinary People? [3]

Hi. this is my suggestion.

For instance, Maudy Ayunda who become a singer (...) not only because of their achievement as a public figure but also her inspiring life ...

you has mentioned a person before, but why you use pronoun "their" for subject [Maudy]. may it should be "her"
her inspiring---> it better if you change with "she"
of oxford university ---> it better if you use preposition "at/in"
use conjunction to connect your sentence (if has more than one clause)
usually--->better you use present tense

e.g: For instance, Maudy Ayunda who become a singer since (she) (was) (in) high school (and) (she) usually (appearances) in media(,) not only because of (her) achievement as a public figure(,) but also (she) inspiring life as a student (at) oxford university.

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Statistics of first-year (English/Franch) tutors job some years ago [2]

The line chart shows the information about the percentage of the number of teacher who have regular jobs according to year of graduation. The graph illustrates the fluctuation of the number of English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

Overall, there was a downward trend of the number of French teachers. The highest number came from English teachers.

According to the graph, there was a dramatic decline of the number English teachers, from 75% to 40% in the three-first years. In the next year, rose slightly to 45% in 2005. And reached bottomed at 28 percent in 2007.

On the other hand, the number of French teachers fell by 17% in 2002. After that, there was a significant increase of 69%. In the four years later, there were a steady rise and fell again by 2 percent in 2006. After that reached a peak in the end year, at 73 percent.

In conclusion, the number of French teachers larger than English teachers. And in the end of the year French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mostly famous people such as entertainment workers and sport athletes dominate in news [NEW]

The media pay too many attentions to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballer. They should be more time reporting the lives of ordinary people.

The powerful of news about popular people on diverse of mass media is very influence in recently. He famous people such as entertainment workers and sport athletes dominate in news. I think we have to know other side of live that need more attention and it uses to be reported such as general people. I totally agree that inhabitant people is necessary to be blew up.

Everybody has a curiosity to know about the information. For instance, it is aim to fulfill their need for news. I believe that the most important news should be come from general people especially about every experience that happen in their live. We have to report about ordinary people, because they are larger element in a country according to job than the celebrities. This case, because there are many phenomenons that experienced to the people, which those are necessary to be known and to be reported. Such as, an outbreak of disease, flood and conflict. Those condition very essential because refer to sustainable people's lives. If, the ordinary people don't be reported may can increase the nation's problem. However, general people important to be known, there are other sectors that also important such as actors.

On the other hand, there are advantage side of news about artists. They bring positive effects such as they may become a role mode for the citizens, because they affect to people's life by their appearance on TV or films. For example, the actor can attract many people by their talent. So the citizens will follow what they say. In this case, there is an opportunity to change people to be better the future life. For example we can persuade film player as ambassador of environment. So if they safe clean and aware to around area. The people will take action same like them.

At the end, I believe that news about citizens is very necessary to be known, the news can raise sustainable people's life. But also, they have to concert with other sector like an actor, which they can be role mode to change our behavior, so think we have to sort the news especially that important and sustainable to our need.
badafebriani17   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Proportion of the hired teachers in Ontario during 6 years, based on graduation years and major [2]

Hi Pram.
this is my suggestion.
1. ... and in contrast, the franc language teachers incline slightly. ... dominated by franc's teacher ...

there are some miss spelling, like --> franc, franc's teacher
franc's teacher--> France teacher... you don't need add ('s) because it mean noun clause
write nationality words with properly----> France, English

so this is my suggestion:
.., and in contrast, the France language teachers incline slightly. ... dominated by France teacher who graduated in 2007.

2. ... in 2002 have gotten job of over 50% ...

i think "of" and "over" ----> both are preposition.. so you can choose one of them
if you want to add information about "over" ---> >50%.. you can write (more than) 50%
put comma between two clauses.
franc's --> France

so this is my suggestion:
... finished their study in 2002, have gotten job of (more than) 50% ...

3. At the same period, the France lecturers have a fluctuated trend and peaked at more than 70% in 2007.
peak= noun so you have to add article "a" in front of the noun=peak
or you can change it in verb form---> "peaked"

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario - back from 2001 to 2007. [3]

Hi. this is my suggestion.
1. The number of french teacher slightly rose and hit...
i think you can use noun= "a slight rise" or verb="rose slightly
i think it more suitable if you use "highest"

... rose slightly and hit the highest point at ...

2. The number of english and french languange stood ...
don't forget write nation with properly rule. e.g: English and France
there are many miss spellings, it should be like this:

The number of English and French language stood at similar point. It was about 70 percent in 2001. For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.

3. there are many repetitive like when you notice "percent" may you can change with write in picture form like (%). so your serving information more attractive

good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Various of difficulties that people experience when they stay in overseas [2]

The bar chart gives information about the various of difficulties that people experience when they stay in overseas, according to some of the age groups. Overall, the much higher problem that people experience in all group age is at 35-54 years old, and the most less problem is choosing of education for children.

Based on the bar chart, people sort out the finances increase slightly from around 34 to 35 at age 35-54. After that, there are a slight fall under 30 of the oldest. Which is the fewest along the age.

The other hand, the middle age experience a significant increase of difficulty in shorting out health care from age group before, at about 35 people. The next age group people experience decrease slightly at 36.

Finding education institute is the most less problem in all of age group, which the most higher is happen in the middle age. Which is at 55 and over experience fall dramatically than age 18-34.

To sum up, the most higher problem experience in all age is shorting in healthcare and the most less problem is in finding school for the children.



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badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents should be concerning towards unhealthy lifestyle by overseeing their child's activities [3]

Hi miss sarlinda.
actually your essay is pretty good. but this is my suggestion.

1. ... cafeteria such as the chicken pour, fruits salad, vegetables ...

you should add (comma) before "such as"
the chicken pour--> i have not know about that menu, sorry
because i think "pour" as verb, so it is not suitable

For example, the schools can provide the healthy meals as menu of the school's cafeteria, such as the chicken, fruits salad, vegetables, and egg rolls. and than the other healthy drinks, such as milk, or yoghurt rather than supplies the flavor snacks or the sugary drinks.

2. ... schools should be against the un-healthcareunhealthy behavior of the child.

you can change child with the other words with same meaning
child---> collocation [toddler/children/youngster]

i hope it will be useful. good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Health attitude refers to food consumption and behaviour toward healthy life [3]

This is my suggestion

... show bad behaviour to their health lifestyle.
... explain health attitude that refer to the food consumption and behaviour that toward healthy life, in which ...

2. School usually provides many (...) student good behaveand then student ...

there are double verb in this sentences

... many events to instruct the student in order to be good behaviour and then student are ...

i hope it useful for you. good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children's bad habits, for example they always eat some dirty, unhealthy foods [7]

This is my suggestion.

1. although the students have bring their own meal from home, they still kept buying and eating these foods ...

have +usually followed by V3
food-->collocation [foodstuff/meal/diet]

although the students bring their own meal from their homes, they still kept for buying and eating these foods because it takes more their attention than other meals.

2. In fact, the children ...

such as......, ....... ,and/or ........(you better add "comma")
more.....than.....
... way of their lifestyles to become more healthier than before.
badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / School - a place to get information and parents to teach good behavior. Unhealthy lifestyle problem. [4]

Hello. actually your essay is good.
But this is suggestion for you

1. ... disturb their daily activity as play or socialization with their friends.

you can change the sentence
these phenomenon can disturb their daily activities, such as play or socialize with their friends. Unhealthy lifestyle on children is must eliminate and responsible by their teachers and folks

2. ... source of unhealthy life style for their children. ... it will make their children have unhealthy life style .

you can change the sentence
Parents are one of sectors that can influence of their children's lifestyle. if the parents [Folks/mother/fathers/guardian] have not ability to manage their children, may children can have bad behavior such as a unhealthy lifestyle.

i hope it helpful
good luck
badafebriani17   
Oct 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 Children's Unhealth Lifestyle and Parents/Schools responsibility [2]

Nowadays, many children under five year old are experience lifestyle which is not appropriate for their health such as consume unhealthy food. There are some people that say kindergarten and parents have responsibilities for what that happen with their children.

I totally agree that parents and schools have responsibilities to solve their problem. For example, when they consume unhealthy meals in their schools. It is necessary to be aware because almost whole time in a day they spend in their schools and houses. In this case, actually parents and teachers are role mode for their children with they have a job to improve the capability of kids. For example, the parents can learn how to sort quality foods, such as fish, vegetables and fruits. And also teachers can give some advise or information to improve their knowledge about the foot that contain with high nutrition.

On the other hand, there are many parents and teachers that have not given what is should be children accepted by both. Because their parents have busy activities and less time to choosing their meals, so they kids just accept the food that prepared by their assistance.

Besides, in the school children have not lesson about what the healthy food and what kinds. Because there is no person can give they the information about healthy food. So, i think the both have responsibility and to solve this problem, but there are other sectors that have responsibility in increase health behavior of children, such as the government especially The Ministry of Health. The governments have a responsibility to promote health lifestyle of children. They can give some speech to the children about the healthy food and the benefits. So children can know and change their habit to eat health meal. Besides, the governments can give a training for teachers and parents about healthy behavior especially for children. Because if they don't consent about it may children will decrease their health quality.

In conclusion, the parents and teachers have important position and responsibility to solve their children's habit especially in consume unhealthy food. But also they need other sector such as health promoter that can improve their knowledge about basic of health in lifestyle and behavior that can increase their health of degree.

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