Writing Feedback / Task 2 : The Way To Have Healthy Lifestyle essay [3]

Hi Miss Sofy.
I have read your writing closely. Actually, I need the question of yours in order to give me the track of matters in the writing. Fortunately, I found that statement.

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Based on the statement, there is a doubt that you have explained out of the topic.


The instruction asks you to discuss two opinions about whether having the healthy lifestyle is difficult orf not. However, you review about the way to have the healthy life, especially the food.

Actually, you have shown a positive progress rapidly grammatically. Besides that, you have explained clearly and interestingly. Nevertheless, your score still falls down as you have explicated another topic. You cannot get the score more 5.5 because this is so different of the prompts of task response. Please, you call your attention to the task response. You are supposed to need the time to analysis the statement so that you can find the major and minor keyword. All are going to help you being the right track as those are guides to construct the sentence by sentence. Hopefully, you can focus on the substance of the question the next time.

Keep spirit.
Goog Luck

Writing Feedback / Benefits and drawbacks of modern technology. Writing Body Paragraph IELTS Writing Task 2. [2]

Hi Selvi.
These are my corrections for your writing

... since the introduction of THE Internet which supportS sophisticated devices ...
... that, a great LARGE number of people are (...), learning how to use THE new cutting-edge gadget, AND using social networks...
As consequences, THE technology has replaced our old way of interacting (You do not need this sentence because you explained make explain again). If a user USERS OF THE ADVANCE TECHNOLOGY can easily interact with 100 ...

... mobile phones, meaning that SO people can communicate whenEVER and whereVER they like, not just in ...

Although THE sophisticated technology has improve ENHANCED people's live and give a great number PLENTY of easiness ,there is no doubt (REPETITIVE) that THE modern technology will ...

Social isolation is one of main problemS since people are (...) new modern technologies, AND using social networks and SO THAT they neglect their real life. Another reason, IS THAT THE cutting-edge technology will increase the number of unemployment AS SOME ROLES IN A WORKPLACE CAN BE TAKEN OVER BY THE SHOPISTICATED TECHNOLGY SUCH AS A ROBOT.

... because it helps them increasing ENTREPRENEURS TO BOOST their profit and serve customers in time MORE EFFICIENT, but it is bad AWFUL news to employees (...) replaced by a THE robot.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Overall, the most Bulgarians who tend to leave their country finished education at secondary level [2]

... planning to leave Bulgaria based on levelS of education between 2002 and 2008. IN THREE SEPARATED YEARS; 2002, 2006, AND 2008.


I suggest you write the overview in the first sentence because I worry that your time is running out when you wanna locate it at the last sentence. On condition that you passed that, you will not get the score more than 5.5. One of main targets in the writing task 1 is How you provide the general view about your data.

THESE ARE MY ALTERNATIVE SENTENCES TO FINALIZE YOUR WRITING:
THE BAR CHART HIGHLIGHTS THE PERCENTAGE OF BULGARIAN WHO WILL SETTLE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, BASED ON DEGREES OF EDUCATION IN THREE SEPARATED YEARS; 2002, 2006, AND 2008. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT STUDENTS OF SECONDARY SCHOOLS TEND TO CONTINUE THEIR FUTURE PLAN ABROAD. IN ANY CASE, THERE WAS A SIGNIFICANT GROWTH IN INTEREST OF THE STUDENTS FOR THE PRIMARY AND LOWER EDUCATION IN THIS TIMELINE.

... who leave Bulgaria was from THE secondary level in ...
It HAD decreased gradually from ...
On the contrary, IN THE CONTRAST, the percentage of Bulgarians in primary and lower education constantly went HAD GONE up gradually from ... Compared to ANother level of education and ANother year, the lowest number ...

Miss Ashela, I am afraid of the number of your word in this writing (154 words). Generally, the writing task 1 consists between 170 and 180 words. Please, you call your attention to that. On the one side, you write 2 sentences for the body paragraph. I have seen that you only explain the data in ONE Body Paragraph. Please, you strive to add once more the next time.

Keep Spirit.
Gogg Luck

Writing Feedback / The events of 2016 may seem bleak, but the study of history offers some context [4]

Hi Miss..
These are my notes to finalize this summary.
Meet them..

This is a summary of an article. An article is written ...
THIS SUMMARY IS ORIGINATED AN ARTICLE WRITTEN BY PAUL LAY AND PUBLISHED ON HISTORYTODAY.COM.
2016 has been many bad incidentS around the world that influenced A media statementCONTAINING that "it is much worse ...
That statement is reasonable, because there many A LARGE NUMBER OF ugly incidentS that influenced movement OF A pattern in the world ...

A Historical research (...) has similarities with A historical record in 1347 about Black Death WHICH reached Europe. It is about THE worst year in the history when THE continent population was (...) and destroy systematically Asian's people systematically.

... not generally true because in the same year, European spread peace, artistic invention, and scientific innovation IN THE SAME YEAR

Writing Feedback / Children attitude depends on parents or teacher? [3]

Hi Hikuma.
These are my corrections for your writing.
make you sure to review those so that you do not fall the same mistake.

Most people believe that children'S attitude is A responsibility of parents. While others think school think that A school is the A place to shape BUILT the children manners. However, I stand in both of sides, but it THOSE cannot be separated ...

THE Whole life of children ...
Before they are growing UP into the school age, ...
... everything since they were borne BORN.
THE ParentS father and mother should ...
However, in the society, there is belief BECAUSE SOCIETY BELIEVES that THE children outlook reflectS of their father and mother value. THE Public will give more ...

For example, at the time WHEN children accustomed to talk TALKING WITH the big voice, it gave GIVES information that their ...

In ON THE other hand, the role of A teacher in enlightening the ...
They can start to describe which one SOMEONE WHO is great manner or not, ...
... there is a subject that takes THE role of this responsibility.

However, another side which takes THE role of children ...
THE Government should make a ...
Also MOREOVER, government AUTHORITY must supervise the public attitude. When they made COMMIT a crime, they have to be in law GET A PUNISHMENT.

In conclusion, the way to make children become immense in society THE PROCESS OF CHILDREN'S GROWING UP SHOULD BE GUIDED BY SOME AUTHORITIES . There are three elements that have roles of it .

All of elements are very close in THE kids' life.

Please, call an attention to the meaning of your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Summary : the mission to find the world's rarest cat in jungles of Java [4]

Hi Miss Dhyla.
I am pleased to read your writing because you have shown the rapid positive progress for writing skill.
Please, you review and deal with my suggestions below.

This essay is a summary an article ...
THIS SUMMARY ORIGINATES FROM AN ARTICLE WROTE BY CHELSEA WHITE.
That article has explained about Anthony ...
It useS their paws to grab fish from the water which is uncommon cat ...

Java fishing cat has been A specific track, and we can discover it by A semi-retractable claw system. However, their (REFERS TO..???) habitat and the ...

According to A historical record, this THESE catS spread in wetlands ...
The fishing cat research indicateS that the part of rare species ...
... that he has focused to find ON FINDING on the evidence of Java fishing ...

Note: Pay attention to the meaning of your sentences. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind.
OVERALL, IT'S A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / People believe that the technology has driven them to face great development in their daily routine [5]

Hi Abal
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been the right website to improve your skill. You should harness EF as well as possible. Well, let me help you to finalize this. These are my corrections.

Introduction
... technology has changed rapidly and gives GIVEN a great impact for ON people live HUMAN LIFE. For BASE ON this reason, People THOSE (Those is sometimes used to substitute word "people". Please avoid repetition) believe that THE technology HAS driveN people THEM to face great development ...

In my educational perspective VANTAGE POINT, I have a tendency to ...

Conclusion
... cutting-edge technology has not THE tremendous enhancement, (...) that this advance SOPHISTICATED technology has led to the great ...
I would suggest IT IS NECESSARY that people must use ...

Writing Feedback / Over recent decades, people face tremendous transformation because of the cutting-edge of technology [2]

Hi Seed.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been the right medium to improve your skill. You are supposed to harness this as well as possible. Well, let me help you to finalize this. These are my corrections.

Intro:
Over recent decades, people HAVE faceD tremendour TREMENDOUS transformation WHICH coincideS to WITH (Pay Attention to use of preposition) the cutting-edge of technology. Eventhough WHEREAS some people has HAVE (make you sure that you use verb agreement appropriately) A contradiction idea regarding ...

Because, IT IS BECAUSE the major idea (...) make mankind's life be easier.

Conclusion:
To sum up, it is clear THE AFOREMENTIONED EVIDENCE REVEALS that advances THE SOPHISTICATED technology improveS people HUMAN life. Although, some people had opposite thought...

Keep spirit.
Good Luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 2 Providing healthy meal at school [2]

Hi Nurul Ilmy.
I am pleased to read your writing. You have shown a rapid positive progress. It is because you deal with previous feedback. In this section, I only focus on the content in this.

Ilmy, be careful of paraphrasing the statement. You wrote "Most people argue that formal institutions should provide healthy food for students in order to support instructional process" whereas there was an opinion like that in the statement. You are supposed to underline that THE CHILDREN NEED THE HEALTHY FOOD, NOT RESPONSIBILITY OF FORMAL INSTITUTIONS. You should quickly meet the major and minor keyword of the statement. Those will help to construct introduction well. Following that, in the first body paragraph, the prompt did not ask to explain the other factors which effect on the learning process. You only address whether the children need the healthy food or not to learn effectively. Focus on the Prompts. Only deal with them. The examiner asks you to analyze the statement.

Turning to the second, you have not highlighted the task response. You have only reviewed two contrast opinion about the responsibility and the reasons of both so that they blame each other. Ilmy, please you should show clearly who have that responsibility based ouct n your vantage point. Again, the examiner wants to see your ability to analyze and construct the opinion.

Although you have made a few mistakes, you have striven to do well. I appreciate for your creation. Keep spirit.
Practice more and more.

Writing Feedback / 'only a few companies could stick out over 5 years' - WHAT MAKES SMALL BUSINESS SUCCESSFUL ? [6]

Hi Rosa..
These are my corrections. Make you sure that you deal with them.

There are a bunch of small company IES WHICH registered every year, but less than 50% who WHICH (You discuss the owner of company?) survive until the second year. And only HOWEVER (Here is a proper linking word to make this smoother when readers move from a sentence to another sentence), a fewer companies ...

It is not easy to be in ON the track and compete with the firms who WHICH (WHO refers to PEOPLE, and WHICH to GROUPS OR THINGS) have been running longer. but NEVERTHELESS, if the company has a unique character and capable to find OF FINDING a niche also offers ...

... better location are A couple of tricks to struggle within the competitors beside APART FROM the basic steps in ...

Please, you harness the linking words appropriately so that your topic does not jump. One of essential elements is the meaning of your sentences. Check more to ensure what you write is what you mind.

Good Luck

Writing Feedback / TED (What we can do to die well) [3]

Hi Naoki.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
Let me help you to finalize this. make you sure that you meet notes below.

Timothy Ihrig says SAID (this happens in the past, (...) faces the threat which is ABOUT health expenditures.
... in the United States of America, but A health care system is located ...
He suggests SUGGESTED improving A patient experience, ...

Please, you don't forget to include the link to your TED's address, so the other can give feedback entirely.
I am looking forward to reading the next summary.

Good luck.

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 1, CLIMATE CRISIS - ALGORE; he urges the society to decrease the bad effects of it. [2]

Hi Rosa..
Welcome to Essay Forum. In fact, I am delighted to tell that you have been a right medium to improve your skill. Hopefully, you harness this as well as possible.

Well, in this moment, let me help you to finalize your summary. These below are my corrections. Make you sure that you meet them totally.

He urges ENCOURAGED the society to decrease the bad DETRIMENTAL effects of climate ...
... where the causes are the AN increase of air pollution, ...
If there is HAS BEEN no any action to compress DEAL WITH the damage of every...
... to preserve this planet is reduce REDUCING emissionS in home or vehicle, like buy PURCHASING green electricity and buy a hybrid, bike or others, be a green consumer and chose CHOOSING something with harsh less THE effect, and the easiest (...) and promote the steps to diminish the defection.

Note:
Please, pay attention to:
1. The meaning of your sentences. What you write has the same meaning with what you mind.
2. Use of the article (A/AN/The)
3. Use of the tenses.
4. Using proper linking words.

I believe you will show the better progress on condition that you wanna practice again and again
I am looking forward to meeting the next summary
happy writing
Good Luck...
--------------

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - GOOD NUTRITION FOR CHILDREN LEARNING ACTIVITIES [4]

Hi Daya..
I have read the writing closely. Let me give you suggestions to develop your writing.

First of all, there was not a sense of writing task 2. You constructed your writing unsystematically. Honestly, I cannot give a large number of comments since the basic structure was not contained in this writing. Miss Daya, the writing consist of the introduction, body, and conclusion paragraph. Those elements did not exist in yours. This is not a free writing. Make you sure that you write including ideas and be presented systematically. On the other hand, one of your major mistakes is no addressing task responses.

Turning to the task response, the statement asks you to explain true of an opinion. How is true that CHILDREN NEED THE HEALTHY FOOD? However, you reviewed about effects of junk foods. [i]"Children who like eat junk food have a bigger risk to obesity which can causes to laziness when doin physical and mental activities. Children get easier to feel sleepy in the class because junk food could not be transformed into sufficient energies those children need to get along during school hours."

About the second task response, you did not explain deeply about whose responsibility for the matter. You are supposed to answer the task responses well. Although you harness vocabularies well, it is nothing if all are free of the response.Be careful of your writing out of the topic. This is writing for measuring your analysis and how far you can explore your ideas as long as still the edge of the topic.

Please, you need much time to read and analyze examples of the writing task 2 so that you get the point. Pay attention about alarm because on condition that you still conduct this, I am afraid your score will fall down less than 5.

Practice more and more.
good lucl\k. [/i]

Writing Feedback / The Problems of People Who Stay in Foreign Country [4]

Hi Hikuma.
These below are my corrections for your writing.

The chart presents the percentage of integration ( Where are your paraphrases?) problems of society living overseas FACED BY IMMIGRANTS STAYING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. In general, all age groups have problem [...] much higher than the others. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT ALL MATTERS ARE THE MOST DIFFICULT TACKLED BY THE GROUP AGED 35-54 YEARS. BASED ON LEVELS OF DIFFICULTY, MEANWHILE, DETERMINING A CONVENIENT SCHOOL FOR CHILDREN IS THE LOWEST LEVEL.

(what is different between 'In general and Overall? You make readers confused due to your adverb. You only choose one for overview.)

... the young people is A lack of finance, a difficulty experienced by ROUGHLY 34 percent of the ...
However, not more than 10 percent IN this group find A hard OBSTACLE in obtaining school ...

It was the highest percentage for all OF three problems.
The percentage of maintainING the body healthy was ...
The last problem for this age found schoolS for their children.

Note:
Please, review all comments previously. You have fallen the same mistakes. Meet the prompt of the writing task 1. Make you sure that you have passed the essential elements in the writing. Pay attention to PARAPHRASE and COMPARISONS. You cannot get the score more than 5 if you do not call both. You are supposed to priority to comparing among 3 groups. On the other hand, place the proper words to describe what you mind.

Please, deal with my suggestions.
Good Luck.

Writing Feedback / "green movement" - What is Ecotourism ? (Interesting tourism) [6]

Hi Aris.
These are my corrections to improve your writing.
Please, make you sure to meet my notes in this summary.

The ecotourism concept arisS out "green movement" that have meaning AIM to preserve the natural environment. The goals DO not only avoid harming ...

THE Ecotourism offers many types of A destination like THE natural destination. It can spend a few weeks in A remote area with A local resident. THE Ecotourism lookS for enviroNmentally friendly accommodations ...

It also seekS out hotels and tourist companies TOURISMS that hire mainly local staff. THE Ecotourism usually don't DOES NOT (Please, pay attention to contraction in the formal writing. never ever ever do it) use cruise ships because they produce not only a harmfull emmisions EMISSIONS but also many tons ...

The growing AN INCREASE of ecotourism interest (...) themselves as THE ecotourism companies although ...
The travelers must choose (...) the company practiceS the ecotourism principle. The positive side is that TO become the indication ...

Note:
Please call your attention to:
1. Verb Agreement
2. Use of the article.
3. never use the contraction in the formal writing.
4. misspelled words
5. the meaning of the sentences

I really believe you will show the better progress on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.
keep spirit.
Good luck

Writing Feedback / How to See the Upcoming 'Great American Eclipse' (SUMMARY) [3]

Hi Erpin.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
You have been a right medium to improve your skill. I suggest you to harness this website as well as possible.
I have read this writing closely. I cannot give many comments for this because you should get the point of making a summary. Honestly, your writing is quick messy. This was written unsystematically. The summary consists of the topic and supporting sentences. Following that, you don't copy words directly from the original article. You have to paraphrase them, no direct quotes. One of the most factors is the flow of your writing. You are supposed to explain systematically. The simple way to make the good flow is using appropriate linking words.

I believe you can show the better progress if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.
Good Luck

Writing Feedback / Summary of passage what is Ecotourism? [3]

Hi Mr. Patta
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been the right website to improve your writing. Hopefully, you can harness this as well as possible.
I have read this summary closely. Let me help you to finalize this

Ecotourism approach has BEEN known in SINCE two last century. It IS caused by green movement to save THE environment. Definition of ecotourism ARE divided inTO two words, are local nature and culture. Some categories to address it the first, ecotourism that involve nature conservation. Second, to social worker that related environment protection. And third about wilderness is regarding preserve animal. THERE ARE SOME CATEGORIES ADDRESSED. THE FIRST CATEGORY IS NATURE CONSERVATION. FOLLOWING THAT, THIS CATEGORY AS THE SECOND RELATES TO ENVIRONMENT PROTECTION FOR SOCIAL WORKERS. TURNING TO THE LAST CLUSTER, THAT PRESERVES ANIMALS IN A WILDERNESS.The eco-tourist mainly activities MAIN ACTIVITIES OF ECO-TOURIST are renewable and reduce resources.

Note:
When you wanna upload your summary, please don't forget to include a link to your article so that readers can confirm the information. Based on the grammar structure, your summary is quite messy and not free of the major errors. One of essential factors in a summary is the meaning of your sentence. Please, make you sure that what you write is what you mind.

It doesn't matter if you make a large number of errors because this is the first time for you attend this medium. I really believe that you will show better progress if you wanna need the time to practice more and more.

I am looking forward to meeting the next summary
Happy writing
Good Luck
--------------

Writing Feedback / Resume - New National Monument Created in Maine's North Woods [2]

Hi Aida..
Welcome to EF. You have been a right medium to enhance your writing skill.
I have read this summary closely. Let me help you to finalize this. Please, you meet footnotes of your writing.

The 87.500 acres of forestland was WERE donated by Elliotsville ...
Then it WAS designated by Barack Obama ...
The White House said it would be protectED BY the Penobscot River Branch ...
The land is truly needS a status of National Park (...) and other important ENDANGERED species.

Note:
Make you sure that you create the paragraph consisting more than 2 sentences. You should make a sentence systematically rather than it includes more paragraph jumping. In the first sentence, you should introduce your article before you summarize that. " AN ARTICLE IN A NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC'S WEBSITE PUBLISHED THAT OBAMA ..............

I believe you can show the rapid progress on condition that you wanna practice more and more..
Happy Writing
Good luck...

Writing Feedback / Three questions - checking Introductions for IELTS Task 2 [4]

Hi Agung..
Welcome to EF.
Fortunately, you are a medium offering the facility to improve your skill. I have read this closely. Let me help you to finalize this and give a few suggestions.

Introduction : One of issueS in globalization that global trade rises IS RISING GLOBAL TRADE dramatically.
In this essay, I explain about advantages and disadvantages of the case. (Make you sure that what you write is what you mean. You are supposed to the meaning or your sentence)

... children should work to gain fulfill theireconomic needs A VALUABLE EXPERIENCE IN THEIR LIFE (There was an explanation about the needs, but experience. Call your attention to minor keyword of the statement).

There are many programs that are given in the school for students. One of them ONE OF INNOVATIVE PROGRAMS IN SOME SCHOOLS is social community service program(You meet the prompt quickly and make the light hook to introduce your essay) .

Note: Please, you meet the major and minor keyword in the statement, so your introduction is not out of the topic.
Keep spirit
Good Luck

Writing Feedback / Life in foreign countries brings a lot of difficulties. [2]

Hi Eka.
These are my corrections.

The provided(you do not need adding "provided. It is like memorise and an old trend at the beginning sentence. Make you sure that is made naturally) bar chart reveals three kindsS of difficulties that are faced by foreign ...

Overall, it can be seen that A NEED OF EDUCATION FOR CHILDREN IS THE EASIEST MATTER IN THAT CIRCUMSTANCE. MEANWHILE, people in the middle age experienced ...(You are supposed to meet the good paragraph containing more than 2 sentences.)

... persons aged 35-54-years-old had HAS the most crucial problem in economics. (Pay attention to the information included the bar. This is the data without the year. You have to use the present tense) Another problem was IS about health services...

In addition, this age group had HAS trouble to find schools ...

Note: based on band descriptors, if you wanna get the high score, you are supposed to highlight key features. You need to improve better and more impressive. The sense can be found when you compare the figures in each paragraph.

make you sure to meet those all.
Good luck.

Writing Feedback / Most citizens claim that spectacular landmarks are essential for a town [3]

Hi Atikah.
These are my corrections for your writing.
Hopefully, those will help you.
As many city CITIES in other
sometimeS they take
They think goverNment should
The goverNment cannot left LEAVE behind this THESE critical problems because
However, if goverNment only focus on the facilities,
There is a reseaRch about happiness
if the city makeS good big buildings
Because, some people in AN urban area.
Happy mind means THE healthy body.
Not only for A neighbourhood, but also tourist from
ANother area will come and incline city's income.
City income can also grows up,
Afterwards, goverNment can use more money to ...
tools for a city, but by buildING a spectacular building, goverNment can get more ...

Apart from the grammar errors, let me comment the content of your writing. Honestly, your writing is quite messy. In the first body paragraph, you mentioned the public buildings directly although the question gave an instruction to explain about the schools and hospital. Be careful, it will cause the explanation out the topic. Discuss both these views a give your own opinion. It is the instruction clearly that you have to explain both topics and show your tendency between the topics. On the other hand, there is nothing that cannot be considered acceptable in the line of the discussion. You stated it in the thesis statement but did not offer the paragraph to explain that in the body paragraph. Your statement would have been the layman's opinion, based upon your knowledge and understanding of the issue. You should offer the scientific fact to support your opinions.

I believe you can show the better progress.
You need to allocate much time to practice more and more.

Writing Feedback / Traveling is a favoured lifestyle today, but we need to be aware that visited places suffer from it [2]

Hi Ashela.

I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I only focus on the substance of your writing.

Ashela, you are very brave to describe much information which actually were not essential. I mean that you will fight the time in the real test, so you harness that as well as possible. At the first paragraph, you create many sentences about tourism. However, you did not mention your opinion clearly about true of the statement and your solutions to reduce the impact of the tourist. Those are important because both relate to the task responses.

Turning to the first body paragraph, you did not pay attention to the task response. The question wanted the writer to explain the detrimental effect of the tourism for the destination country. You have described the information, but those have been explained detailed. It is like the data list, but those were encouraged by the supporting sentences.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED Try Monotasking To Be Successful In The Multitasking World [2]

Hi Farida..
These are my corrections.

Multitasking is doing many jobs in AT one time.
There are only A few people who
people to consider about the
products which has HAVE successful result

Note:
I am pleased to read your summary. Honestly, you show the prestigious progress. I have not found major errors. Besides that, although you did not write plenty of the sentences, you describe the information well. However, I have the suggestion for you. You should explain the speaker of TED's video at the first sentence. The introduction of your summary explained the speaker and its expertise.

Overall, it is a useful summary .
I am looking forward to reading again.

Writing Feedback / Does Eat more salt prevent migraines and severe headaches? We need more evidences and researches [2]

Hi Hary.
These are my corrections for your summary.

AN important role for human life.
consume CONSUMING high salty refreshment affectS to ON heart disease and stroke.
In other hand ON THE OTHER HAND, some people believe that THE salty refreshment keepS
Sodium ions are known RECOGNIZED to activate neurons.
So CONSEQUENTLY, IT is the evidence that THE salt keepS THE migraines and severe ...
IWe need more evidences A PIECES OF EVIDENCEand researches

Note: It is a good summary as this is free of the major grammar errors. Actually, you can improve your summary better if you harness appropriate linking words to make this smoother. I am curious why you sometimes use the adverb to connect between sentences. Please, you harness the linking words as well as possible.

Overall, It is a good job

Writing Feedback / Every conversation has potential to develop into pro and contra - politic or other sensitive topics [5]

Hi Ramzi
These are my corrections.

These dayS,
A potential to develop about INTO pro and contra, politic,
A number of issues are not normal.
Research study showED that 10 thousands people in America at these momentS
are making decisions based on what we belief BELIEVE.
A conversation needS A balance between talking and listening.
TeenagerS in USA are more likely to send A text rather than talk to each other which make A teacher feel fail to teach communication skill.

In this video, the speaker will teach 10 basic how to be have THE better conversation
First, Don't DO NOT (DO NOT CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) multitasking, means that when you talk to somone SOMEONE mean while you think another topic. Secondly,Don't DO NOT act like THE teacher. Because if we concesive CONCEIVE about someone opinion it will naturally broke BREAK the good conversation. Next, Use USA openED questions, start with 5W1H (what, who, where, why, when and how) and don't DO NOT make THE complicated question.

Ramzi, I do not know why you make a large number of grammar errors although the previous writing was free of the major errors. You should reread your writing before you upload. Following that, you are likely to use the adverb as the connector between the sentences. You should harness the linking words to make your summary smoother when readers move from a topic to another topic.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : The six best places to try modern 'martabak' in Jakarta. [6]

Hi Selvi.
Let me help you to improve your writing.
These are my correction for you solely.

Indonesia is popular with a lot of traditional cuisine PLENTY OF TRADITIONAL CUISINES (A LOT OF IS NOT THE FORMAL WORD , AND PAY ATTENTION TO PLURAL/SINGULAR) .

... from Indonesia is martabak which is \ known as the king of ...
Nowadays, many sellerS of martabak create an innovation...
... city of Indonesia provides many A LARGE NUMBER (MAKE IT VARIED) martabak's sellerR which has various ...
Many A GREAT NUMBER OF people ARE curious which TO EAT the best delicious ...
... there are six RECOMMENDED places which is recommended to try the best taste of martabak which has WITH unique names.

... serves the best taste of martabak. Besides APART FROM THAT, martabakku menteng

note:
Actually, it is a good summary because I have found the point of your summary. However, you have made a few grammar mistakes, especially VERB AGREEMENT. On the other hand, you should write words variously.

OVERALL, IT A GOOD JOB.
keep spirit
good luck

Writing Feedback / The road through your imagination, invention and searching for problems solutions, to the science. [2]

Hi Fadhillah.
I am delighted to tell you that this is your best summary which I ever read. I have got the point of your summary.You have presented the information well. In addition, you only make a few grammar error. Hopefully, you can improve your summary. The flow of your writing is smoother.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD SUMMARY

The original tittles TITLE is
who care about AN environment and A people's problem,
A workshop.
the problem and he collect all students
make A prototype.
The result is every children CHILD very enjoyable
The third is investigating THE global problem
They establish the map of radioactivity, and very useful USEFULLY for fisherman
In conclusion, teaching THE student to love (...) and make THE solution

Writing Feedback / Cities with iconic buildings makes their look special and unique; IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

Hi Ashela.
I am delighted to read your writing. Let me help you to finalize this writing. These are my suggestions related to the flow of your writing.

I have read your writing closely and found the odd things at the first paragraph. That paragraph did not cover the meaning of the question. Well, it is impressive because the infrmation which you described is interesting. However, the writing task2 should be guided by the task acheivements. Based on the band descriptors, you have missed the task achievement or explained out of the topic. It can lower your score. Fortunately, the circumstance happened at the beginning writing. This will make the examiner suprised.

On the other hand, you only described the task partially. This only contained your opinion about the importance of impressive building although there are two matters which you had to review this writing. If this is commited in your next writing, you cannot get the score more than 5 for indicator of the task achievement. The question clearly mentioned that you have to discuss two opinions. Please, you pay attention to the task achievement.

I believe you can show the better progress if you wanna practice more and more. I suggest you should read more examples of the writing task 2 so that you can find the important point.

practice again and again.
I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary: Alzheimer is normal aging, we can cure it [3]

Hi fadhillah..
These are my notes for your writing.

This is A summary of video ...
The title of THE video is ...
Alzheimer illness is AN original name of ...
Only one of two persons can be surviveD from this illness.
Also, it spreading ITS SPREAD can be decreaseD slightly.

In the present time NOWADAYS, many scientists ARE confused about A causal factor of Alzheimer deceases. Because, (Because is the coordinating conjunction, not the transitive word. Be careful to place it) it is the biggest causal

The drugs works by cutting

Note:
I am pleased to read your writing because you show the better progress more and more days. When I have read this closely, I have found the odd thing. Actually, you did not harness the transitive words whereas those will help readers to move from a topic to another topic smoothly. I believe you will improve that. I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / "The Danger of Silence" - Summary TED [4]

Hi Farida..
These are my corrections.

Clint Smith is a teacher who challengeS (Still Verb Agreement) his student
He also a catholic and he (if it has the same subject, you do not rewrite again. S V and V) always taught that
He gave up on many things like AN energy drink, junk food ... (Please, you rewrite this sentence. I have not got the meaning of your sentence. It make readers confused) .

He also remembered that he unaware to OF homeless people
He discovered that he needS to change himself because THE silence is the residue of fear and he have HAS to get rid of it.

He decided to talk what people need to heard HEAR and talk freely because ...

Note: you should reread your summary before you upload, so you can review the meaning of the summary. A few of sentences make the readers confused

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Number of Library Books Read by Boys and Girls at Starmouth School [2]

Hi Atikah.
These are my corrections

I agree with the suggestion of Reza. You should make introduction more simple and include the essential information.
This is the additional overview for your writing.
IN ANY CASE, THE FIGURE OF THE FEMALE READERS SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE MALE STUDENT IN THE TIMEFRAME.

According to the chart, the number library books [...] it jumped rapidly between 2010 and 2011.
Initially, the girls read approximately 25 books, while the other gender started reading books by virtually twice as much. By 2012, there had been significant changes in those categories the former had increased to 140 books. Meanwhile, the latter also had risen to 80 books. Overall, there was a wide gap between those.

(Atikah, if you wanna get the high score, please you make the comparison of the figures. Actually, you have made the comparison, but you only compare the figure for the different years. You should focus on the figures. I have give the alternative sentence for the body paragraph. Please, you review those)

keep spirit

Writing Feedback / Number of Books in Library Which Is Read by Different Gender [2]

Hi Hikuma..
These are my corrections.
... about A number of books READ BY GIRLS AND BOYS in A library which is read by girls and boys. This research HAS TAKEN took (You should use the perfect tense here because it happens until now) place in Starmouth School ...

... which read according to THE gender of THE reader.

This graph shows in 2011 , the amount of books read by boys and girls is THE same PERCENTAGE IN 2011. THE NUMBER OF Those books are 100 units.

... an intersection point, the boy MALE readers were (...) number of the girl FEMALE readers.
... while the girls are A slow increase.

Note:
You have done the same mistake for some times. Please, you upload the picture about your writing. I can not interpret your data if you do not. Following that, you pay attention to the use of the tenses appropriately. When I read your writing, I did not find your flow. It seemed messy. You should harness the appropriate transitive words. It is not impressive as it displayed the comparison of the figures clearly.

You need to read a large number of writing examples. You are going to find the sense of the writing task 1 there.
Practice more and more.

Writing Feedback / Energy waste in a house is caused by many electrical installations and also windows [2]

Hi Hikmatyar.
These are my corrections.

... energy and loss the heat that (THE OMITTING METHOD) caused by air cycle. The leaking LEAK of THE air that is released from the house is more than IT WHICH getS in.

The leaking of THE air LEAKAGE has a significant impact to ON (YOU SHOULD CHECK THE COLLOCATION OF "IMPACT) heat lost in a THE house. Many rooms releasing RELEASE less heat than others ...

THE Heat riseS up into THE room on THE top. Air leaking out THE LECK OF THE AIR IS OUT of the house (...) stack vent, A bathroom fan vent, dryer vent, and kitchen van fent VENT. However, air leaking THOSE ARE into the house through ...

THE Energy IS wasted in a house caused by many electrical installationS such as recessed ...
The number of windows affectS ON energy that used THE USE OF THE ENERGY. More light that enters the room enabling ...

Note: Pay Attention to:
1. Verb Agreement
2. The use of the article
3. The use of conjunction (include omitting and reducing)
4. The meaning of the sentences. Please, you meet the appropriate words to arrange your sentence.
5. Collocation of the word---- For example Effect/Impact---- On

Writing Feedback / The advantages of nuclear family - living with grandparents or without them [2]

Hi Anh Khoa
These are my corrections for your small story.

Now in society we know many kinds of ...
NOWADAYS, WE HAVE KNOWN THERE ARE MANY KINDS OF FAMILIES, BUT EACH OF THEM HAS A LARGE NUMBER OF DIFFERENT ADVANTAGES. .the first FIRST OF ALL,i I live in THE family, and we have (...) when I live with MY grandparents. WHILE I used to live (...) from doing anything i I like. He is also angry WITH me about doing wrong important somthing IF I DO A MISTAKE . This maDE me uncomfortable.next MOREOVER, I think we spending much money on taking care of grandparents every DAY week, every month, and every year .

FinalLY, we can live being independent ...

Writing Feedback / The elusive demographic bonus - boon or bust? [2]

Hi Yusuf.
These are my corrections to develop your summary better.

the future boomingpopulution POPULATION?
What sort of lessons we can CAN WE draw
In related to BASED ON aforementioned questions,
Jakarta stood at the fifth in regarding to the confidence
the GDP/capita cities was WERE cradled at the bottom.

The other ANOTHER pivotal point was ...
Jakarta placed at 28th among.
... education can hamper the ones ONE'S enthusiasm

... citizens will determine how resistant ones THE RESISTANT nation

Note:
I am pleased to read your writing. One is primary reasons is that this writing is free of many major errors. However, there is a matter which you should construct immediately. Readers will get the point if they have read the entire writing. It will be a boomerang for the writer because some readers sometimes read a part of the writing. You have to find the way to attract the readers so they wanna read that overall. I suggest you explain a topic in the paragraph. Make you sure that the paragraph has described the whole topic before you move to another topic.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOO JOB.

keep spirit
happy writing

Writing Feedback / The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore [3]

Hi Ilham.
Honestly, I really like to read your writing because this is free of many errors grammatically. However, there are some improvements which you need to develop the good writing. Let me help you.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE FIGURE OF SINGAPORE IS ONLY ABLE TO DOMINATE THE PERCENTAGE OF THE SCIENCE QUALIFICATION IN THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR. FURTHERMORE, THERE IS A WIDE GAP BETWEEN BOTH CATEGORIES OF MASTER'S DEGREE AND NO QUALIFICATION IN THOSE COUNTRIES.

(I give you the alternative overview because yours seems heavy. I think you can bring your matters to the reality condition and make it more simple.)

Note: You should remember that the good paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. I cannot find that in this writing. Following that, you should expose the comparisons in the writing clearly. It will give you the higher score in the writing test.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

happy Writing
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Writing Feedback / Time Summary: Russia and Iran Fly Across a Key Threshold in the Middle East [3]

Hello Sony.
I am very keen on reading your summary. This has been free of the major errors grammatically. However, I will give some correction to finalize your summary. Please, you meet them and follow well.

to fly from it's ITS (It needs a possessive pronoun) base
Moreover, A sophisticated air-defense system is been WAS provided (...) the relation between this THESE two anti-U.S becomes warm.

BOMB TACTICS OF T-22M3 and Su-34 tactical bombing took off from Hamedan airbase, . in (This is a transitive word, not a conjunction so that you have to write period here) IN addition, they have (...) in their way". INTERESTINGLY, The targets include ...

An enormous political effect seems inevitably INEVITABLE (there should be an adjective, not an adverb because the word "seem" relates to the sense).

Such an explicit bold purpose to maintain MAINTAINING Bahar Assad in THE reign, and this war that has been happening for more than 5 years, AND put Syria in total turmoil.

Note: You should review again about the use of the transitive words, so the readers can move on from a topic to another topic smoothly.

I believe you can show your skill greatly in the next writing.
Dude, Practice more and more. It will attend deep understand about the writing.
Happy Writing
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Writing Feedback / "8 Beauty Products Safe to Share" - Summary Article [2]

Hi Hikuma.
I have seen your writing. Actually, you show the better result for the writing skill. You are able to reduce your grammar mistakes in a few days. However, there is a problem which you should tackle. This is less attractive. The reason is because you describe the information like the data list. In the great summary, the flow of the writing has been finding in this. It also does not show your skill to arrange the words to be the important information. I do not wanna comment more because I have not found the basic of the summary yet in your summaries. Please, pay attention to my notice. I really hope you can work your summary following instructions.

Keep Spirit.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / TED : How tress talk each other [3]

Hi Sofi.
I am pleased to read your writing since you have shown the great progress. I have got the points of your summary. However, I will give you a few suggestion to develop the quality of this writing.

... Simard highlights about how tress TREES talk each other. Suzanne investigated A forest over 30 years. She conducted a research about AN interaction of each tree in THE Canadian forest. She used HARNESSED two isotopes (...) there was two-wayS communication going ...

... had been injected gases before PREVIOUSLY had same sounds whether ...
Different result reveled REVEALED from THE replica trees.
... plants was not connected into TO the other exposed gases plants.
Note: Please, you avoid the repetitive word.

I am looking forward to meeting your writing again.
Overall, it's a good job.

Scholarship / Media electronics should change their programmes (writing task 2) [2]

Hi Ayu.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am delighted to tell you that you have chosen the right medium to improve your skill.
Let me help you finalizing your writing, so you can get the higher score in the writing test.

To make it happen, the A reporter pays a great attention to plenty of footballerS, actreesES, and singerS. Even though, APART FROM THOSE ALL, their reports have not been affected for ON A quality of human life. In my personal persfective POINT OF VIEW, THE media should give (...) which can expend ENCOURAGE OTHERS to have THE SPIRIT OF LIFE spirit of llive.

In 2016 survey data shows that, [...] watch television that shows about actrees' lifes.
(Ayu, this paragraph was not constructed well. It is because you did not begin the paragraph with your statement or opinion. This is a formal writing so that you should explain your opinion systematically. In the first sentence, you should inform that the television has to change the program. Following that, you describe the reason why it has to be conducted. To support your reason, you have to give examples or a scientific fact. In the last, you can close with the consequent of your idea.)

shows or reality shows which is reporting REPORT THE ordinary people live, taking 'jika aku menjadi' (YOU SHOULD NOT PUT THE EXAMPLE OF INDONESIA. I SUGGEST YOU SHOW THE EXAMPLE OF THE HUGE COUNTRIES. IT WILL STREGHTEN YOUR OPINION) television programme as example, gives knowegde KNOWLEDGE and symphaty SYMPATHY for people

To sum up, THE media as a good places to make people
However, THE channel of THE media should offer (...) get many benefitS.

Note: You should reread your writing before you upload because you sometimes misspell some words. After that, you still need the time to learn systematic of the good paragraph.

I really believe that you will show the better progress if you wanna strive and practice again and again.
Keep spirit
Happy Writing.
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