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Posts by alfinkurnia
Name: Alfin Kurnia
Joined: Nov 10, 2016
Last Post: Dec 1, 2016
Threads: 33
Posts: 42  
From: indonesia
School: Universitas Padjadjaran

Displayed posts: 75 / page 1 of 2
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alfinkurnia   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / After having experience for a year, students are finally understand and know their skills [4]

Other than that, people who are traveling on the other Cities ...>>... people who travel to the other Cities
is better i think, hope it helps.

Reski, I think your essay is good, in my opinion someone if he want to become success must finished his education before to work. because in this world many bad people who can drop and deceive you, if you don't have knowledge. you will failed to become success. And I suggest you don't forget to study hard and pray. I have recommendation movie, you must watch 3 idiots (indian movie). That movie about someone who study hard and he can become sucess without certificate of university. because the intellegence of human divided 3 type, IQ EQ SQ. if you just have IQ and don't have EQ and SQ, probably your probabilty to sucess is lower than people have all of them. In conclusion, if you want to sucess is better you prepare your study before work, because you need knowledge.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of merchandise in million tones that has been carried in UK by four modes of transport [5]

The line chart gives information about the amount of merchandise...>> The line chart showed information about the...

line chart since 1974 to 2002, so you must using past tense.

my suggestion if you want to gives information, you must show more detail about chart. you can gives information why it can happen and give your opinion about that.

thankyou, hope it can help you.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) Donald Trump wins the presidential election [3]

(Summary Article) Donald Trump wins the presidential election

As we know, Before Donald Trump winning the election to became president of United States of America, Many pundits in the world predicted the rival of him, Hillary Clinton will winning the election. Perhaps we still remembered regarding the statement from Donald Trump that he will prohibit to moslem people for came to America. Because he afraid of terorism. Because his statement made many people angry to him. But, the result of election made surprised many people. Mr Trump had been voted from Iowa, Ohio and Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania which last always votes for republican. He had 273 electoral vote, and his rival Hillary Clinton just have 218 electoral vote. Whereas, The rules in america to winning election must get 270 electoral vote. All people hope to him can make america better than now, and his statement regarding prohibition for moslem to came amarica will not happen.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The university should not discriminate people based on gender, religion, culture, etc. [3]

Hello festivo I will give you my correction.

... equal numbers of males and female students ...

your writing is good, In my opinion, I disagree if male and female in university must equal. Because as we know male and female are different, male was born to became leader of female. Male must be protect female from threat, Otherwise women must respect man. Male has an obligation to find money for his family, female must love and protect her children.

thankyou
alfinkurnia   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Apple has announcement, that it will sell refurbish Iphone for the first time in nearly a decades. [3]

(Summary Article) Apple Has a New Way to Get a Cheaper Iphone

In 2016, As we know Apple, The Company which knowns as produced iphone, macbook, ipod, ipad. It has announcement will sell refurbish Iphone for the first time in nearly a decades. So, its costumers who want buy iphone but didn't enough money can buy and saving their money, because refurbish iphone will sold cheaper than new iphone. In fact, Apple never sold refurbished iPhones at retail since 2007. The company has sophisticated robot, it called Liam. The robot can systematically remove components in iPhone, then reused the good component to other units. Like brand-new iPhones, the refurbished handsets Apple is selling with new batteries and outer shells. So customer don't worry to buy refurbish iphone, because Apple also give one-year waranty for all customer who buy refurbish iphone
alfinkurnia   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Marcin Jakubowski Open-Source Blueprints for Civilization [5]

Marcin Jokubowski, He was born in Poland, and until now he live in America. He graduated from University when 20 years old, in major Fusion Energy. After graduated and got Ph.D degree, he tried to farm in Missiouri, but he realized there are many problem, he has tractor to help him process his farm. Moreover, he always studies regarding agriculture to make his farm better. But, he realized that he useless because for process his farm need high cost because he must buy tractor and many tools to help him on farm. When his tractor broke he must pay someone to repaired it. Despite, he already repair his traktor, but after that is broke again. He must repair his tractor again. consider that if he always repair, why he don't build tractor for himself. In short time, he decided to build tractor, and he sucess to build tractor with low cost. He built his tractor in six days.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000 [7]

The graph ilustrates the figures of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of the UK from IT and service industry in the five different years during the period from 1992 to 2000. In comparison with the data in 1992. Overall, there was upward trend in the percentage of service industry during period 1992 to 2000.

As can be clearly seen, the highest GDP of service industry in period 2000 with the total GDP approximately 8 percent, which increased gradually from 1992. During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was downward trend about 1 percent in IT. During the latter for period from 1992 to 2000, the figure for IT was highest GDP with more than 15 percent.

In conclusion, there was substanicial increase of IT and service industry during the period 1992 to 2000. whereas, the percentage change of service industry between 1994 untl 1996 fell by around 1 percent.



  • The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dark Chocolate Reaps Heart-Healthy Benefits [6]

hello, this is my correction for you.

... >> Most of people think that chocolate brings a lot of diseases because it contains has too much fat.

... >> However, researcher discovered that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, is good for human's heart

Based on this article, there is two ways that ...
... from sticking to the insides of blood vessel walls. >> Based on this article, there are two ways that ...
... from sticking to the inside of blood vessel walls.

... eat dark chocolate are healthier than others.
... which good for humans' heart >> ... dark chocolate are more healthy than others.
... flavanol which good for human's heart

thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / High Education for Arabic Woman is Rare Phenomenon [6]

Hello urik, this is my correction for your writting.

Education is an important aspects toward high ...
... The higher education is just for men and not for the woman.

... we tried to interview a lot of arabic woman (...) education or just stay position to get ...
They are come from politics activism among university ...

Thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The kind of transport to go to work in Houston, Texas. Writing test 1 in English studio [6]

The table shows information about kind of transport to go to work in Houston, Texas. According the table people prefer to use car than public transport. Overall, the most people who go to work use cars, and the least people choose bikes for work. In other hand, the higest average age who go to work are use trains and buses, and the smallest average age use bikes.

By comparison, cars used by workers has 48 percent but the percentage of cylist just about 4 percent. And the graph shows CO2 emisson from various transport car with driver only has aproximately 0,32 CO2 emission. In comparison, buses and trains just has 0,07 CO2 emission, but there is no emission if use bicycle. In conclusion, the highest CO2 emission is from cars with driver only, furthermore cars with 4 people are the second. But the best transport is bikes because there is no C02 emission and more healty for our environment.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Joshua Prager Wisdom from great writers on every year of life [3]

hello dioba, I give this correction for you

Based on the armies of the night , a book was (...), he said that 44 years old is the age which (...), heart, mind, and sentiment to be amen .

..., feels his birthday on April will became a tremendously good year.

Thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / A good environment with humble people only in a small village - english studio [6]

As we know, many people like to lived in small village. Almost all people recognized the other. They usually met in everywhere such as market, street, garden, and many more. But now, many poeple tend to forget their tradition, often we find someone so busy to greet other people while he walking in street. He prefer played with his handphone. Particularly, in big town many people have many problem, so they just greet other people who have recognized by him.

In comparison, in village many people like to talke with strangers, don't like people in town.
Many benefits if we live in small village than town. Firstly, in village there are many pretty scenery like waterfall, farm, river. When we bored just walk around village. Secondly, there are many humble people in small village. They usually smile when he met someone. Thirdly, food in village is healty and tasty because the use good vegetables from their farm and cook without chemical.

In other hand, many disavantage when we decided to live in village, such as limited education, and bad service of public area, many road in village are broken. In conclusion, there are many advantage and disavantage live in small village. Depens you to decided because town is good place for modern life with all of people. There are many good public area and education in town. But if you want to live in good environment with humble people. I suggest you to live in small village.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary about Christine Corbett Moran [3]

Hello. I give you my correctio for your writing.

... Moran is a coder and a theoretical astrophysicist who want to enroll ...

... she stayed in South P oles for 10 months and was studying about ...

... NASA's future vision of an astronout.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Antony Goldbloom, A machine can work like human, and substitute his work [5]

Antony Goldbloom, he is scientist who learned about machine. He rely to machine will change position of human. It can work like human, and substitute human's work. Furthermore, it can exceed human's abilities such as finish high volume task at little time. Although, actually machine hasn't been fully fulfill the human's work such as solve for strategic of company. On other hand, Antony believes that one day later machine will be changing human job. He has prediction in some years later, will invent some good technology in machine which more easily to solve enermous problem in many place in the world and is probably will happen in short time. In my opinion, perhaps machine be able to solve some problem in industry and many place, however human must more smart than machine, and is imposible machine be able solve all problem. In conclusion, human need machine, similiarly machine need human for work.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several benefits of practicing meditation [5]

this is my correction for you.

He told that is practicing meditation is not about to make refresh our mind

... that meditation have manytremendous benefits to transform ...

... closed our eyes andclosed our breath for ...
Furthermore , people could add ...

thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary article) It Just Got Easier to Shop Directly on Instagram [3]

In the past, perhaps most of people just knew facebook to post their photo or video. Neverthless, since instagram appear many years ago a lot of people thought better post their photo in instagram. Because instagram had many advantages feature which didn't has other social media. Until now, approximately 500 milion people joined to instagram, it was one of the most enormous user of social media right now. Recently, facebook which owned instagram announce regarding new feature of instagram. With that feature retailer can post their products and if user like their product just click the photo and will shows about price and how to order. It's new model of commerce, and is probably success. The company also revealed about advertiser in instagram almost 500.000 and gradually increase.

alfinkurnia
Important - don't copy whole sentences twice when making some small changes - use strikes and colours in one corrected sentence
alfinkurnia   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / An Easy Brand New Approach for Gardeners [3]

Hello, I give you my correction. thanks

... farming field is appeared will be true, Aquaponics. It is one of many way to farm plants by ...
Meanwhile , the waste water from ...

Then, the other merits goes ...

Aquaponics are completely easy to ...
alfinkurnia   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) Why Mark Zuckerberg Is Fortune's Businessperson of the Year [11]

Facebook, one of the most enormous company was surprised people in the world. Because the chairman, Mark Zuckerberg became fortune's businessperson of the year. Facebook which had 16.000 employess and got annual revenues almost $27 billion in 2016, with profit approximately $7 billion. In past, facebook perhaps only small business which built by drop out people. Nevertheless, now had been the biggest company in the world particulary in media and advertisement. The company has estimated to be worth $350 billion. In consequence, mark became one of the richiest man in the world and winner many award of business. He has inspired most of people. In comparison, he leader his company started since build until now. On other hand, Larry Page as chairman and CEO of alphabet, didn't leader google before different with mark. Why did he can become good businessperson? he said you must have ablity to see the world, consistency, and discipline
alfinkurnia   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mathematic and science as the main features in the industrial revolution era [3]

Hello, this is my correction for you.

Mathematic and science are as main features in industrial revolution ...
Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study (TIIMS) , is researching to 9 to10 year old and 13 to 14 years old from more than ...

Firstly, The education in college in W estern was included ...
alfinkurnia   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article - Speedy bat flies at 160km/h, smashing bird speed record [4]

Hello I will give my correction for you.

Brazilian bat has became the fastest (...) of speed around 160 Km/h.

However, several analysist regard that bat (...), impacting to increase their flying speed. He added that this is tremendous possible because the research's object was Brazilian bat ...
alfinkurnia   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary TED) Philip Zimbardo the demise of guys? [3]

Based on data, 30 percent of men higher to drop out from school. In Canada, each 5 boys drop out in school whereas just 3 girls drop out from school. Young man can spend his time for playing video games and watching porn on internet. Video porn is very dangerous because it can ruin men's brain. I think parents must be more protect to their son, because right now pornograph became one of many entertainment from internet.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Seven key takeaways from Donald Trump [5]

Hello, I will give you my correction.
There are three main points that ...

Secondly, Trump has the promise to deport ...

... contained about don'tworry since Trump only ...

Thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Arrticle) This Aviation Startup Promises to Revive Supersonic Passenger Air Travel [6]

Boom, start up in technology of aviation which sponsored by virgin's Sir Richard Branson recently launched their new prototype of supersonic passenger jet and predicted will became the first supersonic commercial jet. The company revealed that the jet will start to fly around 2020. It also give details about that such as jet can accomodate passenger until 50 people. But unfortunately the price probably more much expensive than other ordinary jet.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Undergraduate / Boston University is the Perfect Utopia [6]

Hello I will give you my correction, feel free to corection me too.

Ever since I remember when imagine myself studying on the hills at college seen in one of those typical movies. However, In my view , shifted when I saw my sisters attending at college in New York City.

Thus,I plan to study in major biology and psychology.

... huge aspect that bring me to apply to ...
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED (The birth of virtual reality as an art form) [4]

Chris Milk is a innovative person. He uses technology to make interactive. He with his friend, Joshua and Mckenzie have idea to creating virtual reality projects. He showsnand brought the TED audience together in the world's largest collective VR experience. Recently as we know many technology like virtual realty has changed people view about technology.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary article) A new weapon in the fight against malaria [3]

Anopheles is one of the most dangerous mosquitoes in the world. Recently, scientist discovered weapon to exterminate or eradicated it. They called ivermectin. It can't immediately protect human from bite anopheles but it can killing easily after that. Therefore, the researchers are trying to give ivermectin to most of people in an area, particularly which had several case area. It can seriously impact to anopheles and making inhibitans safe from malaria.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / How many male and female Alumni in Canada? IELTS TASK 1 [5]

Hello this is my correction for you, feel free to correction me too..

The graph ilustrates the information about how many male and female who graduate from university in in Canada , a period of 15 years...

In 1992, the number of female graduated in Canada had roughly ...
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Be Sure to Those Who Helped You [6]

this is my correction for you, feel free to correction me too.

..., ungrateful and disrespectful to someone who help before their graduation.

They always brings many advantages and it makes us can reached many achievments.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary TED) How America public schools keep kids in poverty [3]

Nowadays, most of people particularly who have much money can get good education in school, registered to excelent school with exclusive facility. On other hand, the poverty people decided to drop out from school, and more choose for work because they realized their family need help and they must work. In fact, most of school which have good facilty is not free, the student who want to study at school must pay enough expensive and its not reasonable for poor family.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The graphs present information about the number of two kind of fish [4]

The graphs present information about the number of two kind of fish which seized close to Westhaven and the number of trawling vessels in Westhaven during 4 years from 2008 to 2010. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and swordfish between 2008 and 2009. It was a slight increased, and followed in 2010 until 2011 tuna rose constantly. Otherwise, swordfish was fell in 2010 and went up rapidly in 2011. The number of trawling vessels, there was an upward trend from 2008 to 2011.

As can be clearly seen, between 2008 and 2009 the number of trawling in Westthaven increased slightly from 50 to approximately 55. After that, there was dramatic decreased by 10 in 2010, and reached peaked at 75 in 2011.

In comparison, the number of two kind fish, between 2008 and 2011 tuna was increased gradually from about 75 in 2008 to 100 in 2011. Whereas, swordfish from 65 in 2008 rose rapidly to 90 but fell quickly by around 20 in 2011. After that increased again to 90.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nothing in this world is ideal, and my city is not an exception. [6]

Hello this is my correction for you.

There is a couple who bothered me last time I visit it, but ...

... is power and timebecome a importance . If anybody in my city want to do something who everybody will get benefit from it, he should defiantly work toimprove internet speed.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the amount of fund that a city government contributes to book associations [3]

hello dioba, maybe I dont give correction about speeling, this is my correction for you.
when you writing don't forget this:

Firstly, Coherence (all ideas should be easily understood by the reader). Secondly, Composition (use the correct essay structure). Then, Answer the question fully (cover all points asked in the task statement) and the last is cohesion (link ideas, paragraphs, sentences together). Thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Showing TV shows in all countries - writing IELTS academic task two [6]

Hello bams this is my correction for you.

1. Please don't write too many words (aim for 250-265)
2. Use contractions such as "don't", "shouldn't", etc
3. Jump from one idea to the next: link, link, link!
4. Use the wrong tone (essays are always formal)

Thankyou
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / An appropriate job can affect the happiness of people, but there are many other factors too [3]

hello bams, before this I has given you my correction.

One more again please don't use more words than 265 and use simple sentences if you want a high score then don't use more 'lazy' expressions ("and so on", "etc") and you must write suitable with topic

These tips are not exhaustive but will give you some important points how to pass the IELTS Writing test with a high Band Score.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exercise writing test 2 (Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job..) [4]

Question:
Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.

Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Answer:
Nowadays, Most of people assumed when they work or get job just purpose to get more much money. Eventhough, sometimes they work who they dislike. Moreover, to choose for job which unappropriate with their background. Particularly, they graduated from agriculture but choose works at bank which not related with their major. It caused they need money immediately.

However, pundits thought if someone works in their passion, it can make them happy and keep spirit for face their life. The advantage when someone decided to works with his passion. They will enjoy to work, for example when someone has hobby to singing, and she decided to became a singer, she probably will enjoy her job because she started her job from hobby or something who she like. Therefore, many people can more easily to be successful because they never give up and always work seriously.

From all of the advantages, there is one problem when someone keep work with not their passion, they will stressfull because many matter of their work, and more difficult to solved it. However, when people have ability with something but not follow their ability to try. It might not good for their life. So if you have dream to become someone you must believe and hardwork to achieved, because who determined your success is yourself.

In conclusion, sometimes someone need money to their live, so all job probably will accepted and forget that he has good ability in other job. In my opinion if you don't like your job, better you choose to resign and find job which suitable for you.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of money which was given by city council and destined for members of books club [2]

Sorry I can't show the picture, because this exercise question from book.

The graph ilustrates the amount of money has given by city council to member of books club over a four-year period. Overall, between first year and second year there was slight increase. After that, followed rose extremely in the next year. Finally, in fourth year dropped rapidly. The number of member from first year to second year fell slightly but increased gradually until fourth year.

As can be seen, The amount of money which has given from first year to second year increase by 2.500 and rose extremely from 25.000 in second year to 40.000 in third year but unfortunately fell to approximtely 35.000 in fourth year.

In comparison, the number of members between first year and second year also decrease slightly from 15.000 to about 15.000. Then, extreme rose by 10.000 in third year. In fourth year members peak at 30.000. In second year until third year, both of them were equal grown up extremely.
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Showing TV shows in all countries - writing IELTS academic task two [6]

Hello bams, In my oppinion your writing is quite good.

But there are several correction from me such as:
1. if you write for writing test 2 in IELTS, Remember maximum word you must write approximately 250-265
2. Using contraction like don't and shouldn't
3. using connection word
4. keep you idea to topic don't Jump from one idea to the next
5. combine arguments "for" and "against" in the same paragraph
6. is better not many Repeat words
7. If you knows idioms, using it.

Thanks
alfinkurnia   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / People say that you can learn more about a different place just by watching TV [2]

Question:

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


Answer :

In the past, only certain people can journey abroad to other countries. Particularly, just rich people who have much money to spent for visited some beauty countries. As we know, there are various countries in the world and have many thews such as culture, food, languange, building, and many more. Recently, many programs on tv shows about journey to many countries in the world. The program can caused everyone imagined about circumstance of life in other country.

Therefore, journey programs nowadays became one of the most popular program on tv. It can changed perspective which making someone thought to prefer stay at home and just take information from tv or internet to know about something, like many places in outside the country and prevented curiousity to observed or learnt about culture and many things in other country.

Furthermore, in my view unfamiliar place which we dont't know before is good for visit. Because it can improved our knowledge and open our mind to the world. When we visited the new place and saw directly in there is different when we just watched that on tv. We can interacted with the local people, met many new friends and feel the atmosphere.

In conclusion, It's good for you to get much information from tv or internet about some interesting place in other countries. Eventough, perhaps you know about that, but you also to feel that directly, because is very diverse when you just see on tv than you try to visit it.

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