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Posts by nda18
Name: ndanggraeni
Joined: Oct 27, 2016
Last Post: Dec 9, 2016
Threads: 46
Posts: 60  
From: Indonesia
School: Padjadjaran University

Displayed posts: 106 / page 1 of 3
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nda18   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn Culture from its Language which is the utmost important instrument to communicate with people [2]

Some people think that person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language.
Do you agree with this opinion?


Languages are the important tool to communicate with other people around the world. Some people regard the languages as the only way to understand the culture of a country. There are several reasons why I believe that knowing how people speak in their language is not the predominant way to understand the culture of the nations.

There is no doubt that language is the utmost important instrument to communicate with people. In fact, language, as the identity of country as well as culture, becomes reflection of the culture itself. People can deducing the culture of a nation by comprehending their language. Taking Javanese culture, one of the Indonesian cultures, as an example, the majority Javanese speak calmly and slowly. It can be expected that they have polite and friendly culture. Different to people living in Medan, a city at North Sumatera, they speak much louder than Javanese people and more impolite. It can be indicated that they have strong personality and though culture.

However, there are also another way to apprehend a country culture such as learning their customs or their behaviours. For instance, some Hindi people usually pour milk to their statue, which regards as their God. It reflects that they respect their God with the best material from their environment.

In brief, even though some people have mind-set that speak other country language is the only way to understand the culture of a country, but learning from not only its language but also its customs and behaviours are the best way to comprehend the culture of a nation.
nda18   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / All in all, I disagree that a person should be able to speak language to understand other cultures [3]

Hi Mr. Dioba
this is my corrections for your essay :)

Several people argue that someone [ i think you need to write conjunction here 'that someone who want to... ] want to understand ...
... only way people to communicationcommunicate each other around (the)world.
... it makes visitors difficult for communication and understand[ i prefer to write : visitors difficult to communicate and to understand ] each other ...
... visitors want to travel forto learn about cultures ...
nda18   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / An extraordinary capacity of creativity can be obtained by having a willing to be wrong [2]

TED sumary Do schools kill creativity? - Sir Ken Robinson

Creativity, recently, is as important in education as literacy. Every child has extraordinary capacity of creativity that can be obtained by having a will to be wrong. It does not mean that being wrong is the same thing as being creative. However, nearly all the schools, nowadays, teach the children how to be good at some subjects such as mathematics and science, not on art. This bears hierarchy in education systems and mainly because the education system was developed to fulfil job and industry demand. But, jobs now need not only high education or intelligence but also creativity.

Based on Ken, there are 3 things people know about intelligence. Firstly, intelligence is diverse, it means that people think in many different ways - in sound, movement, visually. The second is dynamic, intelligence is amazingly interactive. From the interactive brain, original idea comes and leads to the creativity. The third is distinct, it means that people have their own way to do some activities.

Ken recommends people to use their not only intelligences but also imaginations and creativities wisely to face uncertain problems in the future. People should rethink the fundamental principles in educating creativity to the children.
nda18   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Smart camera system checks patients' vital signs from afar [4]

Oxehealth, accompany spun out from the University of Oxford, created a medical device software that can measure heart rate, respiration and blood oxygenation from a distance using camera data. This software has been installed and is being tested at Oxford's main teaching hospital, the John Radcliffe. They asked patients who need an intensive care after surgery to participate in the trial where oxehealth's cameras will monitor their vital signs in parallel with sensors. This software has also been running at London's Metropolitan Police Service and Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital in order to make sur someone is safe when they are in a secure room.

This software watches the small changes in video frames as patient breath, for instance. It also tracks subtle changes the colour of patient skin using that to infer patient's pulse. The advantage of The Oxehealth software may come after patients are discharge because both doctors and patients their selves can monitor the illness from home.
nda18   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The universe has begun with the second thermodynamic law of physics [2]

Hi Gigih12, here are my review towards your essay

...complexity increases slightly step by step...

...it called asby goldilocks condition.. [ the collocation for 'call' and followed by 'name' is 'by' -- e.g called by goldilocks ]

... hydrogen and helium nuclei(s) for capturing electrons to form stable atoms..
[ i think its not contain one nuclei]

...Recent study by W map satellites shows that...
[ watch your subject and verb agreement ]

...big bang can make stars...
[ you can replace this word with similiar word, 'make' is verb transitive, ditransitive exactly, it needs 2 object e.g. My mom makes cake to eat]

good luck :)
nda18   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will examine the motives why people commit a crime and discuss some possible solutions [2]

Topic :
Each year, the crime rate increases.
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?


The predominant problem the world face these day is the gradual increment of the crime rate. Several factors become the excuse why the delinquency rate increases. This essay will examine the motives why people commit a crime and discuss some possible solutions to tackle the rise in criminal activity.

The main causes that lead people commit a crime, mostly, because of their social environment and the people they associate with. The social environment, especially the environment they grew up in, take a big role in influencing a person to do criminal activities. Taking the youngsters in Argentina as an example, the Argentina youngsters are growing up surrounded by people doing vice activities will drift them into major delinquencies such as using drugs and violent crimes. The poverty also becomes the chief cause of criminal activities. The poverty in Indonesia, for instance, which increases time-to-time makes the poor do illegal activities such as pickpocketing, fraud, and robbery in order to fulfil their daily urges. Ultimately, the reason people commit a crimes is likely a combination of many different individual situations.

Nevertheless, there are several ways to prevent the increment of the crime rate, or at least reduce its probability. Firstly, the government need to reduce the poverty by giving a proper education to the poor for free. A good education will give them a chance to get a proper job or at least with a better education they can open their own vacancy. Providing more jobs will also reduce the possibility of the criminality. Designing a strict rule in a bad environment, giving severe punishment such as imprison them who commit more serious criminal offences, and intensifying the secure in some places can also prevent the criminal activities.

To conclude, even though many different factors influence people to commit crimes but both governments and individuals can take many steps to combat crimes. If governments and individuals cooperate each other, the increment of the crime rate can be prevented.
nda18   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will examine the reasons why criminal wrongdoing increases annually [3]

Hi Abrahamlinlocn, here's my suggestions for your body 1

...to access numerous informations ...

...not only search positive information but also including information regarding criminal manner...
[i think you are not paralleling same pattern]

According to CIA data.[change it with comma] In 2013, ....

... that easy access to internet motivates...
you can change it by : that the easiness of accessing the Internet motivates ...]

...The crime cases increasesincrease ...

goodluck.
nda18   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The plane contributes to pollute the atmosphere because it uses the fossil fuel [2]

Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent the air pollution. Do you agree or disagree?

The air pollution, nowadays, become the predominant problem faced by the world. Some people thinking that the only way to prevent air pollution is limiting the use of the air travel. Personally, I believe that restricting the air travel is not the only approach to reduce the air pollution.

The air travel, recently becomes a popular transportation people had chosen regarding to the easiness and the cost of the air travel. The increment of using air plane will increase the air pollution. The plane contributes to pollute the atmosphere because it uses the fossil fuel. Reducing the use of air travel can be the way to prevent the increment of the air pollution.

However, restricting the air travel is not the only way to prevent the air pollution. There are abundant factors causing the pollution to the atmosphere such as vehicles and industries. Vehicles and industries are the common factors which has a big contribution in polluting the air. The emission from vehicles using fossil fuel give massive pollutant to the air, they consist of CO2 and CO, causing global warming. The government needs to reduce the use of the vehicles by designing a firm policy in order to preclude the air pollution worsen. Cycling to work once a week, for an example, can reduce the air pollution. The industries also become a big contributors in polluting the air. Nearly all industries are throwing their waste to the atmosphere. It increases the air pollution time-to-time. Taking tire industry for an example, they use coal as their fuel, while some industries use fossil fuel, the burnt coal produce CO2 and CO which can damage the air pollution. Planting some trees can also enrich the oxygen level at the atmosphere reducing the air pollution.

All in all, precluding the air pollution can be done not only by limiting the air travel. Government take a big role to designing the policy that can reduce the use of vehicles and a stringent rule for industries to reducing their waste. Individuals can also keep the air from pollution by not burning their rubbish. There are so many steps we can take to make the air more clear.
nda18   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Restricting the air travel to prevent air pollution [3]

Hi dils, here my thoughts about your essay

... more damage output of fuel burns
[you can use 'burnt fuel' , burn (n) : a place where fire damaged sth or a small stream , so it will be better if you rephrase it]

2. a number of pollution.
[pollution is uncountable noun. you cannot use 'a number of']
overall, your essay is good, but be careful with word classification and collocation

keep writing and goodluck
nda18   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : The Causes of Acne [3]

A full-spotty break out, known as the acne, happens when the bacteria adheres to our face. The researcher from the University of California, San Diego, Richard Gallo and his colleagues have discovered a harmless bacterium living on the surface of people skin can turn into acne, triggering inflammation and zits.

The acne bacterial, Propionibacterium acnes, living in the airless environment turns into fatty acids that activate inflammation in nearby skin cells and deactivate histone deacetylases, enzyme that act as a brake on inflammation. Scrubbing our face will make the bacteria clump together form new structure called biofilms making the bacteria going deeper.

According to Gallo, people who seem more prone to acne have suffocating hair follicles. Teenagers, according to Bruggemann, are most defenceless against outbreak because of their sex hormone driving the production of extra sebum in the skin during puberty.

Gallo wants to inhibit the fatty acid and block their impact on skin. In two to five years Gallo will do further works to find new mediations for these problem.
nda18   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Over 200 million people are suffering from Malaria, the disease caused by mosquitos; TED summary [2]

Over the past century, the average of lifespan has more than doubled. In contrast, another statistic shows the comparison of the childhood death rate in 1960 and 2004. In 1960, 110 million children were born and 20 million of those died before the age five. Meanwhile in 2004, 135 million children were born and less than 10 million of them also died before they reach 5 year old. The causes of these death, mostly, are Diarrhoea, Pneumonia and Malaria.

Over 200 million people are suffering from Malaria, the disease caused by mosquitos, at any one time. To get rid of this disease involves many things. It involves communicators, social scientists, drug companies and rich-world governments so that we will be able to eradicate malaria. Having those elements is hard, there are another way to eradicate the diseases. Educating teacher with a good education and improve teacher some skills and these two things can make differences for millions of lives, if people get it right.

In brief, taking brilliant people to study these things and getting other people involved, the solutions will come up.
nda18   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The rising of transportation usage, the traffic and CO2 emission [2]

Hi My Ivan, these are my thought towards your essay

1. between priceandsolving growing traffic
[ i think you are not paralleling the same thing ; you paralleled noun and verbs. it would be better if you change it to noun and noun "...between The Price of petrol and The growing traffic solution ]

2. So that [you need comma here] increasing the price ...
3. the number of congestionscongestion levels in some cities..
[ congestion is an uncountable noun]
4. providing the mass transportation and improving it
[ personally, it wold be better if you write "providing and improving the mass transportation", but it depends on your writing style]
5. ... improving it are the ways that..
6. ..between priceandusing transportation...
[not parallel, between the price and the transportation usage would be better]

Mr Ivan, personally, in this essay, you should explain the idea more, you have good ideas on your both body paragraph but it does not explained well. Honestly, in some sentences, i found it difficult to understand what the sentences mean, for example "However, I briefly disagree the price will change our habit as the main cause of these problems".

here are my suggestion
1. be careful with countable and uncountable noun
2. be careful with parallel structure

i hope it will be useful, thanks and GoodLuck Mr Ivan
nda18   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / It can be seen the variability of the annual expenses by a school in the United Kingdom [3]

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my thoughts towards your essay

1. ... largest cost was infrastructures such as resources...
2. ... for infrastructure allocations by 5 percent while the furniture (...) a low point at 5 percent
[i think it will be better i you use 'a twentieth' rather than 5 percent]

overall, your essay is well explained the data, however, it would be better if you avoid the use of percentage numbers such as 5 percent, 23 percent, etc, and paraphrase instead.

thanks and goodluck
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are some reasons why the happiness is hard to be explained [4]

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction to your essay

1. Some people want to just happy want just to be happy in their entire life.
2. But if you have a un-mood feeling.
[ i think you should find another similar word to replace this word, you can use unhappy feeling for an instance.]
3. You will get an enjoyment if you stay at the place where you have a positive surrounding
4. ...as our surroundingsurroundings ...
[personally, to prevent the misunderstanding meaning, you can also write : the place where you are surrounded by positive people because i think that 'surrounding' is an adjective, if you want to write it as a noun you should write in in plural form 'surroundings' ]

my suggestion is you should emphasize you explanation to make the essay more clear and understandable.
goodluck.
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The reason and motivation of commited crime should be considered to decide on the punishment [3]

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction toward your essay

1. making the controversy topic for people around the world
[ i think it will be better if you use its adjective and write ' the controversial topic' instead ]
2. ...the court is too hard to be decided...
[ the court is hard to decide (the punishment) ]

suggestion :
1. in your first body paragraph, you should give the example(s) for "small level criminal" to make it more clear.
2. i think you should read and understand the topic and in this kind of essay, you should explain both opinion instead of yours.
goodluck
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of people visiting the music choice and the pop parade sites [2]

A breakdown of the information about the comparison between two kinds of new music sites visitor in a fifteen-day period measured in thousand is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that both figures has similar upward trend. Also, the pop parade music are more popular than the music choice.

To begin, initially, the number of people visiting the music choice and the pop parade sites start at approximately 40 and 120 thousands respectively. In the next following day, the former experiences a significant incline and is followed by a stable fluctuation. Meanwhile, the latter shows a gradual decline in the total of visitors of the music sites by 80,000s in the ninth day.

A part from previous comparison, the remarkable changes can be seen in the twelfth and thirteenth day when the number of music choice site visitors overtakes the other. However, the number of people visiting the pop parade site reaches a peak at over 160,000s. Eventually, In any case the music choice site visitor is directly below the highest by more or less 80,000s.



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nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : The Elder Population in Three different countries [4]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, started in 1940 is described in the given line graph. Overall, it can be seen that the number of elderly inhabitant in those countries has the similar upward trend and it is predicted to increase with the same pattern in the future.

To begin, by 1940, USA and Sweden had higher proportion of older people living there at around 10% and 7% respectively and grew gradually in the next following decades. In contrast, Japanese elderly inhabitant had remain below one a fifth and kept unchanged for several years.

In 1990, the aging people in two countries experienced a slight drop while Japan started to show an increase in elder inhabitant. Furthermore, in 2040, it is forecasted that Japan's elderly population will grow significantly and hit a peak nearly five times higher than the first time of the period. This projection places Japan in the highest position in the elderly citizen ratio and is followed by Sweden and USA.



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nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students need to be seen and feel like they are valued. [2]

TED Summary : Every Kid need a champion - Rita Pierson

Nowadays, the value of human connection is rarely discussed by educators. The significant relationship between the educators and the student is the key to guide student reaching their potential. The teacher can become a good actors and actresses in changing students from nobody into somebody by leaving a legacy of relationship that could never disappear. Even though there are many students who have a bad behaviour and influence the teaching value, but actually, the students need to be seen and feel like they are valued. Educators can become a champion to every child and create a wonderful world which have the students who not afraid to take a risk.
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The wares on which consumer spends in five countries, located in Europe in 2002. [3]

Hi Mr Ivan, Here are my correction

1. ... goods on which consumer spend in five countries ...
[ i think it is not about the goods but the money that consumer spent on goods ]
2. The percentage of the goods sold in Spain and Italy
[ it would better if you explain what the goods are ]
3. Clothing and footwear were the loads (...) no more than nine percent.
[ you should mention in which country/countries ]

suggestion :
it would be better if you not write it like a shopping list.
goodluck
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some countries such as the United States and the United Kingdom have the special "gap" policy [4]

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction for your first paragraph of you essay

1. The most important one is having more experience.
[you can replace it with 'benefit' ]
2. ...important for the future student ...
[ the student future or the future of the student ]
3. They are used to do the routines under pressure
[ the under pressure routines ]
4. living as the college student needneeds good management skills.
5. ...worker to do some tasktasks ....
[ you can replace 'do' with 'conduct' ]

goodluck
nda18   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : The Sweet scent of plastic lures seabirds to a dangerous snack [2]

Recently, the plastic pollution fouls oceans across the globe. There are more than 5 trillion pieces of plastic swirling in the sea and make the fish poisoned dead. The marine creatures sometimes mistake garbage for their natural food. Plastic resembles a drifting jellyfish to marine creatures. Some seabirds are attracted to a particular stinky sulphur compound since they seek out krill to eat. Savoca and his colleagues wondered if small plastic left in the ocean, it might become covered with sulphur that are produced by algae. He proved it when he put some plastic and left them until three weeks. The result is the plastics are covered with sulphur compound let them has the same scent as the krill. This lead seabirds which seek out the food using their smelling skill to eat trash instead of krill.

Source : newscientist.com/article/2112231-the-sweet-scent-of-plastic-lures-seabirds-to-a-dangerous-snack/
nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today, there are many pupils that do not know how to live healthily. [2]

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my thought towards your essay

..do not know how to be a healthy person and how ..
.. concern of being a healthy person, which..
... about how much they eat, what time they should eat, and when they ...

Ivan, i found many repetitions in your essay, i think you should rephrase or find similar/synonym for several words.
nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The benefit to make conversation to stranger- TED [3]

Hi NinaJoesuf25 , these are my thought towards your summary

[this is a summary extracted from TED talk...] Kio Strark explains us regarding greeting ...
[ i think yo should make opening sentence for your summary ]

Kio Strark explains
[it would be better if you write down who is Kio Strark ]
nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Elephants Quantities over Eight-Year Period [3]

Hi Dida, these are my thought towards your essay

1. ...different countries during eight-year period started from 1997...
[i think it is seven-year period 1997 - 2007]

good essay, goodluck
nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The optimum rate of elephants living in most Asian countries decreased between 1997 and 2004 [2]

A breakdown of the information about the alterations in maximum number of Asian elephants for a seven-year period, started in 1997 measured in thousand is described in the given bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that the optimum rate of elephants living in most Asian countries decreased between 1997 and 2004. India had the highest number of Asian elephant.

To begin, the elephant population which lives in India broke the record as the highest one in both years. It was followed by Myanmar. In the former year, the elephant population living in Thailand reached around 4000 and experienced a dramatic drop in the latter year by roughly 3000. It also happened in Malaysia which witnessed a remarkable decline by approximately 2000.

Although the trends was downward in most countries, the population of elephant in Vietnam and Laos remained stable at around 1100. The only country that showed the increment for the number of elephant population was Cambodia, where it rose by roughly 100. Other proportions were only a small proportion.



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nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Expenditures allocated for five predominant categories in four different developed countries [2]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of expenditures allocated for five predominant categories in four different developed countries in 2009 is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that only Japanese spent most expenses on refreshment while others invest their most expenditures in housing.

Firstly, USA had the highest housing spending share, just over a quarter in 2009. It was followed by United Kingdom and Japan by just below 25% and around 23% respectively. Canada was the lowest among the three. In contrast, Canada had the largest proportion in transportation while the others just below a fifth. Japanese was more likely to invest most of their income for refreshments rather than for housing and transportation.

Surprisingly, each countries spent a minority of expenses on healthcare and clothing, just below 10% in all countries. Only japan allocated a similar amount of expenditures for healthcare and clothing. The other proportion is unsurprisingly proportion.



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nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : International student graduated In Canadian University [2]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion change in number of international student graduating from Canadian province universities for a five-year period, started in 2001 is described in the given bar chart. Overall, it was clear that more students were graduated in Canadian tertiary education in 2006. While the number of graduated scholars was decline in Alberta.

To begin, New Brunswick became the most popular Canadian province chosen by students to take their tertiary education, while Ontario is the least famous one. By 2006, an incline of number was seen in the former university by just over a half and the latter third-level education had risen by the same value.

Although nearly all Canadian provinces had upward trends and increased by a half in term of the number of international student graduates, only Alberta showed the decrement for the number of international alumni and it is decreased by around 2%.



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nda18   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The figure for imprisonment in five different developed countries in a fifty-year period, from 1930 [2]

A breakdown of the information about the figure for imprisonment in five different developed countries in a fifty-year period, started in 1930 measured in thousands is shown in the bar chart. Overall, despite the fluctuate alternations, United States of America and Canada arrested more criminals between 1930 and 1980. While the others number of imprisonment remained below.

Initially, the number of Canadian imprisonment broke the record as the highest one. It was followed by USA and New Zealand at the same value, around 100,000. However, in a five-decade period USA took over Canada's record and around 140,000 criminals had been arrested and sentenced. Meanwhile the others was below a hundred thousand.

In addition, despite the fluctuate alternation in most countries, a gradual increase in the number of imprisonment was seen in Great Britain decade by decade. In the end of timeframe, only Australia which had the lowest number punished no more than 60,000 offenders.



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nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / How many male and female Alumni in Canada? IELTS TASK 1 [5]

hi nina, these are my thought towards your essay

1. ...graduating in Canada,for a period of 15 years...
[it would be better if you write 'for a ... period' ]
2. What'swhat is more, both figures performed asa similar pattern.
[ it is better to avoid what's or don't / can't and write 'what is' 'do not' 'cannot' instead ]
3. the figure for female graduates went up steadilyto the same levelAS (WHEN) after slightly increase...
[ it is really went up ? i don't quite understand, 'it went up to the same level' ]
4. the beginning of thisthe year.

thankyou and good luck
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Changing many jobs in our career can help us add more skills for our life [4]

hi kiki, these are my thought towards your essay

1. but he i s also versatile..
2. Furthermore, spending too long time for a job... Everyone is all ...
[ i think you should explain your idea more in order to make it more clear ]
3. repetition
[ i think you write : earn, money, career, and jobs too much. it would be better if you rephrase it them ]
4. and also you should watch your commas and full-stop sign
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary IELTS Task Beagle Mars probe probably didn't crash, new analysis shows [4]

Hi dio, these are my thought towards your summary

1. it would be better if you write an opening sentence for your summary.

2. Moreover, the team hashad a tendency to assume

3. ...that the parachute and airbags which is to slow down the acceleration of Beagle had been broken
[which had a function to slow down... or which slowing down the acceleration...]

4. about what happened withto Beagle 2

suggestion :
you should watch your sentence structure
some information are not clear enough


keep writing and good luck
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task TED Summary Holly Morris, nuclear accident in Chernobyl [4]

Hi mr Dio, these are my thought towards your summary

1. it would be better if you write some opening sentences.

2. ... nuclear accident was happened and released
The accident was occurred in Chernobyl
Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, was tried to filming
[ Watch your active and passive voice sentence]

3. Nowadays, Chernobyl is more popular as a dead city
[ it would be better if you use 'known as a dead city' ]

the main problem of your is when you use active or passive voice
i hope it helps , keep writing and goodluck
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Making sense of a visible quantum object - Aaron O'connell [3]

In his presentation, Dr O'connell, physicist from University of California, gave an example to audience that a large object that is visible to the naked eye can be in two places at the same time. In physics, only particles that follow the theory of quantum mechanics can be in two places at the same time. Dr O'connell also told that if everything is made up of a little particles and all the little particles follow quantum mechanics then everything should follow quantum mechanics, it is mean that every day objects should follow quantum mechanics. To explore his idea further, he made the tiny computer chip with a chunk of metal inside that has been in a mechanical quantum superposition. He then placed the object in a vacuumed cool environment while he turned off all the light. The fantastic result appears, the atoms that make up that chunk of metal are sitting still and at the same time, the same atoms are moving up and down and delocalized. That is mean that every atoms is in two different places at the same time which in turn means the entire chunk of metal is in two different places. Further, he talked that quantum mechanics is not about the interconnection, it is deeper, and our connections to all the things around us literally define who we are. It is namely the weirdness of quantum mechanics.
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Google's Driveless car - Sebastian Thurn [2]

As a person who loved car, Sebastian Thurn, the director of Stanford Al Lab, decided to dedicate his life to save one million people every year after he lost his best friend, Harold, in a car accident when he turn 18. In his presentation, he told about self-driving cars. He saw the concept for the first time in the DARPA Grand Challenges where the US government would give a price to someone who can build a self-driving car which could navigate a desert. He started to build his self-driving car by building hardware and software in Stanford and focused on building driving cars that can drive anywhere. Their car has sensors by which the car magically can see everything around them and make decisions about every aspect of driving. Even though Sebastian cannot bring his friend back to life, but he can do something for all people who died and save the others.
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : How I fell in love with quasars, blazars and our incredible universe - Jedidah Isler [2]

Jedidah Isler, observational astrophysicist, told TED users about our wonderful universe. She said that everything we can see in galaxy comprised of billions of stars. She studied some most of the exotic objects in our galaxy. Supermassive, hyperactive black hole which had 10 billion times larger than the mass of the sun had captivated her. These gigantic black hole are also devouring material 1000 times larger than human average 'black hole'. These characteristics make them quasars and at the same time they produce particle streams namely jets that are moving at 99.99 percent of speed of light pointed directly at the earth. All of these called blazing quasars and become the universe's most efficient particle accelerators transporting incredible amount of energy throughout a galaxy. She was then curious about how the white blobs form and the relationship between the jet and the accretion disc material. She compared variations between gamma ray data and visible light data from year to year. The research shows that the blobs form much closer to the black hole.

source : ted.com/talks/jedidah_isler_how_i_fell_in_love_with_quasars_blazars_and_our_incredible_universe
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Easy DIY projects for kid engineers - summary ted [2]

hi ryan31, these are my thought towards your summary

[it would be better if you write opening sentence]
Teaching to the student about making creativitycreative product with a low budget.
[ i think this sentence is not complete yet ]
It can teach about it to children or maybe people who attracted aboutin engineering.
[this sentence makes me confuse]

ryan, i cannot understand some sentences because too much "it" in your sentences.
it would be better if you write who is the presenter in order to make it more clear.

i hope it will help, thanks and good luck
nda18   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mentor or role model can change our life. TED 13: Why I Read A Book A Day? [5]

Hi meryani, these are my thought towards your summary

the mentor or role model can ...

Every year 100., 000 people move (...) many people are success, they want (...), singers, and comedians.

In the world, there is the law that called the law of 33%.
The second 33% personspeople at yours, they can ...

in your summary, i cannot found the summary of the topic 'why i read a book a day?' there is no answer written in your summary. i think it just an opening speech.

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