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Posts by krempetkov
Name: George
Joined: Nov 22, 2016
Last Post: Jan 14, 2017
Threads: 13
Posts: 29  
Likes: 6
From: Germany
School: John

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Jan 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Given pie charts compare the number of inhabitants in Yemen and Italy in 2000 [5]

That is definitely not a good overview. It would be better to make a clear overview, to show the examiner that you are able to identify the most important information from the graph.

reaching 57,3%. - without "at"

slight changes in the elderly - remove the "a" and add "the"

accounting for 61,6% - not account to

forecasted to drop to 46,2%

Overall, everything looks good, except for the Overview.
Jan 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Too much of financial dissonance in this world [4]

Your structure is good. On the other hand, you have made many grammar mistakes and I think you should work on that part of your writing.

As the citizens of one's country, being need in food - written like that this sentence doesn't make any sense. You should restructure your whole sentence

.... faces by developing the country

.... by facilitating them with electricity.

....On the other hand, the government should

..... over time by co-operating with the United Nations.

government of poor nations - the governments!
Jan 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing TASK 2 - Sports professionals don't deserve such high salaries for their work [3]

My first question is, whether I properly answer the question, because even though I provided reasons WHY they receive or not receive - I don't give enough reasons who deserve to receive greater salaries and didn't emphasis on my personal opinion.

Other than that, I am not sure whether some of my sentences are not too long and too ambiguous.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both points and share your opinion.

Huge money in professional sport

Popular sportsmen can have significantly greater salaries than people with other occupations. Many people state that sports professionals deserve that enormous rewards, whereas others believe sports athletes' salaries are unjustified. This essay argues that people's incomes should be determined by their contribution to the society and therefore sportsmen do not deserve to be that affluent.

Most of the popular sportsmen have greater salaries because they attract more interest into communities. Their most important ability is to entertainment for people. Consequently, the most interesting they are, more people will be inclined to pay to watch them and concomitantly they will earn more money. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, 90 of the asked people would rather pay to attend a sports event than pay for other activity.

Despite the fact that being entertained is an essential part of our lives, the are other jobs who are of paramount importance for our lives. Every single day, many people risk their lives in order to provide safer and more convenient environment for us and our children. Moreover, without their work, our lives would have never been that satisfying, but unfortunately, their sacrifices are usually overshadowed due to the fact their work is not that attractive for the ordinary people. For instance, a recent study found out that the average salary of a sportsman is likely to be 5 times greater than the salary of a doctor, even though the doctor's contribution to the society is much greater.

In conclusion, I think that although sports athletes' work is more interesting, people who have more significant impact on us and our lives, such as soldiers and police officers, deserve to have bigger incomes.
Jan 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 opinion's people about internet using [4]

Well, I don't know the question, but it probably asks your for your opinion. It is always better to make a clear statement in the Introduction - what is your opinion and wich point of view is better and therefore will support in your essay.

THE internet - you hade made this mistake several times.

everyone start from children to - STARTS

in different distance - in the different

Secondly, internet give some people - gives

nternet also find old friends, if - the internet... finds

without spend much - without spending much

Work on your grammar and especially subject-verb agreement.

I will leave you to try and review your second paragraph alone.
Jan 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / Besides the economy, there are many types of progress worth our attention as well. [4]

You didn't paraphrase the question properly. Of course, it is optional - but it would have been good to do that.

In your 2 paragraph, your ideas are very chaotic - you haven't developed your main point - which should be why the economic is imperative for governments. I got the point from your example, but again it is not clear enough. It is imperative to state your position and develop it.

Your 3 paragraph is OK, but it will be better to restructure it.

Overall, I think you have to better support your main points. You support the second view "other types of progress are equally important for a country." - It was not clear WHY do you support it. There were not enough examples and I could have developed your ideas better.
Jan 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 Sample for IELTS: Discussion and opinion about Internet [3]

Even though, internet gives beneficial aspect but ...

Even though the internet provides a lot of benefits, many people argue that there are some drawbacks about it, especially in terms of finding appropriate information.

This essay will discuss both views - Well, you haven't clearly presented the other point of view. You had to write -- Many people argue A, whereas others state B.

You should work on your vocabulary and your grammar.

Your ideas are great, but you struggled to present them in clear and appropriate way.

A lot of advantages of internet are preferable reason why people keep it to use it ---- The internet provides a lot of advantages and that is the reason why so many people prefer to keep using it. ----- That is not a good sentence, you should state the exact reasons why The internet is a good thing.

On the other hand, the internet remains disadvantages effects. - On the other hand, the internet has its bad sides.

Focus on reading - read a lot !!! From sample essay to books and articles. Look at how the sentences are constructed, be aware of the grammar that is used and at last learn every word that you don't know. Extract it, write it down on a piece of paper and learn it!

Good LUCK !
Jan 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Most countries allow 18-year-olds to drive a car. [3]

About your Introduction, I would rather remove your first sentence. It has nothing to do with the topic and giving general information is not really good in the IELTS.

I like how you paraphrased the question, but I think it would be better to combine your second and third sentences.

I really like your idea in the second paragraph, but the way you present it can definitely be improved. Your example is good, but before it - it would be better to expand your idea additionally - like right now it seems like, you are giving example, before fully developing your idea - which is not very good in my opinion.

About your third paragraph, again the idea is good. But you have just explained why drivers over 25 are more responsible, so by inference, the chances for having an accident should be lower. You can write that the age is important, but the experience is more significant when it comes to safe driving.
Jan 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / Introductions and Overviews IELTS [4]

starting and finishing IELTS essays

Well, in the last few days, I have found that I have problems with my Introduction paragraphs in my writing task 2 and I have difficulties with the overview in writing task 1. Now I am going to share some of them with you and I am hoping that you will be able to give me some suggestions how to improve them.


Over the given period, In Yemen, the proportion of people aged 0-14 will drop significantly, as the share of the population by the age between 14-59 will increase dramatically. The opposite trend will be experienced in Italy, where the share of the mid-age group is going to diminish, whereas the proportion of people aged 60+ will nearly twice as big.


It is clear that over the given period, the proportion of foreign students in the provided Canadian universities had increased significantly. The most significant went up was observed in the University of British Columbia, whereas the lowest uplift was in Ontario.

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why?

It is a never ending question, whether governments have to invest more funds in improving the infrastructure of towns or should they focus on the development of means of public transportation, such as buses and trains. This essay argues that the improvement of public transport should be of paramount importance for every government. Firstly, this essay will discuss how by improving the public transport, local powers could improve the environment in the regions and then it will focus on the financial benefits from overhauling of the local transport.

I have difficulties with this question, I am not sure, whether I have to discuss both points or I have to stick with only 1.
Jan 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / The Line graphs of how much people in UK and US to spend on Petrol [8]

First, I would change the word "Interestingly", you are not supposed to give your personal opinion.

Second, about your overview - it's always better to give additional information to the examiner. Describe the main movements and the most significant changes.

"The first graph increased gradually till 2011, before experiencing a dramatic decrease. In contrast, the second graph had been decreasing for the first 2 years, and then a significant increase was observed."

That is just an example, bit I think it presents a good way to write an overview

Now some grammatical suggestions:

have different - have a different

So many times, you have forgotten the defining article before the countries names

gradual difference
Jan 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / The graph below gives information about how much people in the United States and the United Kingdom [2]

About you first sentence - you should always paraphrase the question. Do not give any addition information, neither any explanations - just rewrite the question.

Also, your overview is not good enough. There, you should summarize the main points or changes.

I will give you an example.

"The first graph increased gradually till 2011, before experiencing a dramatic decrease. In contrast, the second graph had been decreasing for the first 2 years, and then a significant increase was observed."

I am not describing a certain graph and it is just an example, but you have to give additional information to the examiner
Jan 6, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Compare the merits and demerits of having a car. [3]

Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

And just one additional question. Did I use more linking words like "however", "In conclusion" - than I should

on the wheels

Nowadays, many people state that cars bring more positives rather than negatives, whilst others disagree and think that the disadvantages from motor vehicles, such as cars are significantly more. This essay argues that the advantages from cars outweigh the drawbacks. The principle advantage of cars is the convenience of the transportation, whereas the main drawback is that automobiles are the main cause of the air pollution.

Cars are the easiest and cheapest mean for traveling from place to place. Nearly everybody on the planet can travel wherever he wants due to the very well developed infrastructure in the most regions of the world. Moreover, the travel by cars is considerably cheaper compared to the other means of transportation. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, in every major European city, the traveling with a car is three to seven times cheaper than the travel with public transport. As a result, cars make our lives dramatically more convenient and affordable.

However, it is worth noticing that motor vehicles including cars are culpable for the increasing air pollution. In addition to this, exhaust gasses emitted by cars has caused Global Worming, as well as they are the main ingredients for creating smog. Because of this, many governments have imposed strict rules for the usage of cars and have restricted the entrance of many automobiles into the city centers. On the other hand, science offers a solution to this problem, as in the last few years many car manufacturers introduced many electric and non-polluting motor vehicles.

In conclusion, the disadvantages of cars are clearly overshadowed by the benefits. Therefore, having weighed up the pros and cons and as a concomitant, of the recent innovations in the car industry, I am convinced that cars should continue to be used.
Jan 5, 2017
Writing Feedback / Many people believe that the internet is very useful for communication, however I disagree... [5]

First, think that I noticed is how different your 2 and 3 paragraphs are. Your second paragraph is probably twice as big compared to your 3-rd - which is a major mistake.

Other than that, you have written a lot of very simple sentences. Try to combine your ideas into 1 complex sentence. Moreover, stick to using only 3 to 4 sentences for each paragraph.

Everyone has different views to mean the function of Internet. -- I think that this sentence is not relevant to the topic and you should remove it - You should start writing straight forward to the given topic.

Also, on several places, you forgot to add the definite article - the internet!!!

There are several grammar mistakes, that you have made and I am just going to review some of them and leave the rest to you.

many function - many functions

Then internet is a place which give - the internet is a place which gives

other place - another place

ith directly face the condition. - facing

truly believe that internet is not become - THE INTERNET hasn't become
Jan 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Spendings number for various goods in some part of the world [3]

Firstly, there are 2 bar charts, so you have a mistake in your first sentence -

The pie chart compares the proportion of ... --- The pie charts compare the proportions of the ....

I don't like your overview - It's always better your overview to be a complex stentence - You have not written enough inforamtion. I will give you an example : "Overall, in Malaysia the average family spends most of their money on housing, whereas in Japan the greatest expenditure is for different services and goods than the presented one's. The smallest proportion in both countries during 2010 was the health care. "

most popular expenditure - You could say so, but I would rather replace the word "popular".

It's noticeable, that you have used the word "popular" - 3 tymes. Try to use different words, in order to not sound repeatable.

was the third postion - was the third most common/ had the third biggest proportion.
Jan 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant [2]

the Profit of a restaurant in October

Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant is presented in the following table.

It is clear that the revenues during the dinners were significantly greater than at the lunches. The highest sales for the dinners were experienced on Fryday, whereas the highest profit during the lunches was observed on Wednesday.

On Monday, the sales at lunch were for 2400$, while the dinner revenue was of approximately 3600$. The sale volumes for both dinner and lunch went up in the following day. The upward trend continue in the lunch's revenue on Wednesday, while a decrease was observed in the sales for the dinner in that day.

The sale volumes for lunch on Thursday witnessed diminished, but then on Friday they went up again. In contrast, the dinner's revenue uplifted on Thursday and they the revenue skyrocketed on the next day, as sales for more than 4300$ were observed during that day. At the weekend the revenues for both types decreased dramatically, as on Sunday they hit their lowest points 1550$ and 2450$, resprectevely for the lunch and dinner.
Jan 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / The data on how fast world wide population growth in numbers and statistics of urban population [3]

In your introduction, you should explain what information both graphs are presenting.

The bar graph provides information about the..... , whereas the graph reveals.....

It's good that you are giving overall information in your first paragraph, but it's better to stick with 1, maximum 2 sentences.

It can be seen that international population experienced a gradual increasing in previous years while there will be a sharply expectation growth in the next years ------ ....experienced a gradual increase in the previous years, while a sharp growth is expected to be observed in the next years.

During the period between 1800 and 1960 the world population had been increasing gradually and overall it went up from 1000(million) to ....

Also, try to use variety of transition phrases - you have used Besides and On the other hand - twice in your report
Jan 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / "When in Rome, do as Romans do" Travelling and promotion of globalisation [2]

Well, there are a few problems with your Introduction paragraph.

Your first sentence should paraphrase the question, while in your essay you are generalizing the whole topic. It's better to start writing straight foward to the topic.

About your second sentence - you are not taking a position?

Many adopt a view that the hostility between local citizens and foreign tourists because of their distinct culture and notion - WHAT VIEW?

... a view that there is a hostility.

I will suggest to use this strategy for your introductions -

Paraphrase question
Thesis statement
Outline statement

So first you start with paraphrasing the question. Then you state your point - "I think that most people can benefit from the traveling and it certainly help people to espouse new ways of thinking."(that is just an example - but the point is to show what is your opinion and to make a clear statement.)

After that, write an Outline statement(what are your arguments.) "Firstly, i will explain how the travelling can help many people learn new languages and secondly, i will discuss how travelling can influence the way you see the world" (That is not a good example, but i hope you can get my point)
Dec 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts2 - In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment [3]

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

After the economyc crysis in 2008, many countries are experiencing difficulties in the economic sector. Nowadays, in many parts of the world numerous students are facing problems finding themselves an approtiate job after the end of their university education. In my opinion, the lack of research before choosing an university degree, as well as the increasing value of experience are the main factors contributing to this problem.

After graduation school, many students have no idea what to do with their lives. That leads to the moment, when many of them choose to apply for the most popular degrees at the moment, rather than seach for those, which will be valuable and successful for the future. That said, after 5 years of university education, the prevalent part of them realized that they have applied for a degree without proper perspectives for finding a well-paid job. Moreover, in tough economic environment like today's, many employers prefer to not take any risks, and do not assign people without sufficient experience in the job area.

If we want to tackle this problem, we should educate our children that what is popular and in demand today, can be out of date tomorrow. Students need to have a vision for the future and apply for degrees that are likely to bring them success in long term. Furthermore, they need to find ways to implement and test the learned material into the real world. It is essential for the students to have experience "on the field" and they should be foster by the government to participate in work programs or spend time in a company thorugh different interships.

In conclusion, I think that nowadays, the whole process of choosing an university degree is completely wrong. The government and school authorities should provide assistance and incentives to people from the younger generations for choosing degrees, which are going to be valuable and popular in the long-term.
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Travel in a group can save money and time, it's pity though that people can't do then what they wish [4]

Especially for those are busy and are going with large number of people. -- Well, first of all I would rather combine this sentence with the previous one. Especially for those, who are busy and plan to travel with a lot of people.

What's more - change this, with "Moreover" or "Futhermore" - it sounds more appropriate for the exam.

the extra advantage of joining a group with tour leader is that the members in group don't need to worry about language barrier or losing direction --- The idea is good, but you have writed your sentence in too complicate way --- try to create your sentence as clear as possible.

mom - mother

I think travel in group miss the opportunities of two aspects --- well there isn't a reciever. Who misses the opportunities? You need a subject.

. First of all, the opportunity to experience deeply residents' real life. - I can't understand what do you mean.

his/her - choose one of the options and stick with it - BUT do not make that on the real Exam.

There were fascinating experiences that exploring a city with a dweller. --- You need to rewrite this sentence - writed like that it doesn't make sense. -- I have had so many fascinating experiences, exploring cities alonside a dweller.

Secondly, the opportunities of following own preference. -- try to limit this kind of simple sentences in your essays.
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The total download (in 1000s) from three computer packages in five weeks period [4]

I think you need to work on you summary sentence. ..."and Net less popular among internet users." - that is not a good sentence, you can try writing something like: "whereas Net was the least popular computer package among the internet users throughout the given period."

Active X and java that showed - remove "that". Also, i will give you the same sentence, but in reverse order - To begin with, the same pattern was observed.... -- It is up to you, which type you will use, but in my opinion this one looks more approptiate.

But compared to two others Active X remain significantly higher along the periode and stood on the top of the list -- Compared to the other two, Active X's proportion remained significantly greater and continually stood on the top of the list
Dec 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing 2: people think that men and women have different qualities to certain jobs [3]

What I didn't like about your second paragraph is that, you have mixed complex and very simple sentences. I would rather, divide the first sentence into 2 separate ones and expand the basic ones. Structured like this, the paragraph looks very weird and certanly not good enough.

Secondly, I think that will be the genderism if a job has its gender restriction - that, there will be a genderism, if certain gender restrictions are imposed for a particular job.

most of countries legislated to deter the gender discrimination - many countries have legislated certain laws to deter the ....
Dec 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The electricity generation was dominated by coal in New Zealand while Germany prefered other sources [2]

while nuclear, natural gas, and coal also was popular sources in Germany. - First, the word "also" doesn't sound proper here - you've never mention nuclear and natural gas before, so you can't you use "also". In addition to this, replace was with were.

In New Zealand, the source was dominated by coal - this sentence requires some work. - you can write something like - The coal was the dominating type of electric generation or The coal was the main source of electricity.

as such natural gas - such as

whereas the numbers showed at 30 and 11 respectively in the first year. - I didn't get the meaning of this

In any other country, there was nuclear which rocketed almost eight times from 20 to 155. -- Where is the information? You are not allowed to make asumptions. Moreover, i think rocked is not the approtiate word here - try to replace it with increased/went up/exceeded ....

also inclined over the period - dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/inclined
Dec 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Higher fuel price to solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world [2]

To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel.

What is your opinion on the above assumption?

Plagiarized paragraphs removed.

Recently, many institutions have showed a signs of interest in investing in alternative and environmentally-friendly energetic sources. An increase in the fuel's prices will provide additional incentives and better profit prospects for these companies, as everyone will have to search for alternatives of the traditional fuels. Furthermore, corporations which rely for more than the 50% of air pollution will have to cut their expenditures and expect lower margins, if they decide to stick with fuels, like coat and oil.

In conclusion, i think that nowadays we are developed enough to completely replace the traditional polluting fuels and we only need to provide the business world with the right incentives in order to make the world cleaner and safer place. In my opinion, the increase in the fuel's prices is the most appropriate measure available and can really change human's future.
Dec 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Essay about the advantages of co-operation in your learning English [5]

it's makes learning more fun - it makes the learning process funnier...

Students have been asked to problem solve, work with a small group or partners in many subjects -- You should rewrite this sentence, as i was not able to understand what do you mean.

Many students have been asking for solution of the problem and they started working with small groups and partners in many of the school subjects.

many advantages are we speak a lot. - Again, the idea is not clearly expressed - as we use it a lot?

some subject - subjects

we not - we are not

Co-operative learning builds learning communities as we grow to be experienced at how to increase skills to speak English. - ...learning communities and as we grow and become more experienced, we start to improve our English speaking skills.
Dec 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Food revolution - and how the change impact on people's lives - IELTS essay [5]

I agree partially with this statement, prepared food doesn't bring us only the advantages but it has its own negative effect. -- I will prefer to slightly change this sentence.

In my opinion, even though the faster preparation of food affects us in positive way, there are still some negatives about it.

About your second paragraph : "positive effect of prepared food" - what does that mean? - use phrases like - "the ease of the process of preparing the food", "because of the easier preparation" - The way you wrote it, it doesn't make sense to the reader.

The main reason that can be seen by every person is that the positive effect of prepared food, simply because it's convenience - i will definitely review this sentence. The main advantage of faster food preparation is that it is much more convenient for the people (using it)

In today's hectic way of life

favour a convenient -- favour the concenient

than traditional way in order not to waste time - than the traditional way in order to save time for the more valuable parts of their plans/programs.

So that fast food and canned food are the best choice playing a crucial role in many people's lives. - Moreover, the fast and canned food are playing a crucial way in the daily routine of many people.
Dec 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line graph provides the information about the number of people who visit Australia [2]

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.

My biggest problem druting the writing was to combine the overview information for the table and the graph, as i was not able to combien the two sentences. I will appreciate, if you give me suggestion how to do it and how is my try.


The line graph provides the information about the number of people who visited Australia in the period between 1975 and 2005, while the table specifies on the nationality of the tourists. It is clear to see that, the number of visits by overseas residents increased significantly throughout the given period, as for the background of the tourists - an uplifting trends were observed in every single country listen in the table.

In 1975, Australia was visited by 1- million overseas residents. During the following 10 years, a went up by 50% was observed in the people attending Australia. The increasing trend continue and approximately 24 million tourists visited the country, but the peak in the number of visitors was experienced in 2005, when the amount of tourists skyrocketed, as more than 30 million people visited the country.

During 1975, the greatest proportion of tourists was the Japan's, closely followed by the South Korea's. proportion. Both Europe's and Britain's proportions were of about 1 million, whereas the number of visitors from USA and China was of respectively, 04 and 0,3 million. In 2005, the biggest exceed was experienced by Japan's proportion, as it went up by nearly 4 times compared to its preceded rates. Another major increases were observed by the figures of South Korea and Europe, while the uplifts in China, USA and Britain were not as significant.
Dec 9, 2016

In my opinion, the study of Mathematics is essential to the progress of human race. - I like this sentence, but in my opinion it would have been better, if you had expanded the idea. Just give reasons in the Introduction and then expand them at the following paragraphs. This will give the reader overall idea of you thoughts and what to expect.

Other than that, i think it is a good idea to combine some of the sentences in paragraph 2. Few of them look, rather simple and incomplete, while others are more complicated to follow.

At the end of the day, i think your essay is very good, but i will suggest to expand your sentences and ideas, while writing.
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Safety standards are important when building people's homes. [3]

First, I think that i have made several mistakes(grammatical) and with the word usage. My questions are - If my ideas are well developed, because i feel like, i have gone out of the topic way too often. Also, i think that my sentences are not created in the right way(not in the way that native speaker will write them). Thank you in advance!

Safety standards are important when building people's homes. Who should be responsible for enforcing strict building codes - the government or the people who build the homes?

In the last couple of years, we haev experienced several devastating tradegies involving building, which did not correspond to the safety standards. The question, who should take the responsibility for creating strict and reasonable build codes, however is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies have to take the responsibility, since they have the full control of the building process, while the government need to set strict building rules in order to guarantee the safety livings of the citizens.

With the increasing searching for new homes in the last few years, building companies are developing faster and cheaper ways to build new houses and flats. All of that, brings additional profits to this companies, but on the other side sometimes they tend to overlook the safety standards. Since, they have the full control of the building process, from the very start to the end, they have the responsibility for our health and they should ensure our safety living. Moreover, their engineers and architects know every single detail of the buildings, so they should know what are they risks and how to protect us from them.

Even though, the governments have limited control on the building process, the still can influence the building companies. First, by imposing huge fines and strict rules, they are able to guarantee the safety living of the population. Furthermore, their first duty is to protect their citizens and provide a safety and reliable environment for them. In addition to this, as they give the rights whether one company is capable of executing building actions, they have the responsibility to choose the best and most reliable companies for our future and safety,

In conclusion, I think that both sides should step up and take the responsibility for our health. On one hand the building companies have the resources and the knowledge to keep our homes in good conditions, while on the other hand the governments have the power to control and monitor the building processes.
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Where is the best place for children to learn how to be a good member of society? [2]

First of all, I do not think your introduction is appropriate for the exam. I will suggest to use this rule :

- A background sentence giving some background information on the essay topic.
- A more detailed sentence linking the background sentence to the thesis.
- A thesis that presents your point of view on your given topic.
- An outline sentence declaring the 2 points you are going to use to support your thesis.

Even though, follow this pattern is not a must, it will definitely win you additional points.

Give you opinion at the Introduction, because this really easy the process of reading. Try to not ask questions in this part of your writing.

About your second paragraph, i belive it would be better to combine some of the sentences - in your variant, they are way too short and seem relatively easy - try using conective world, like "which", "that" ...

Also I think you have made several mistakes, but hopefully someone more advanced will be able to help you with that.

3-rd paragraph - again your sentences are from one type and don't look complicated enough. I don't think you expressed your thoughts in the best possible way and they are hard to be followed.

Good luck tomorrow and hopefully you will achieved your needed band.
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Reduced number of people who keep in touch with others and disrupted personal relationship [6]

The globalization era, the majority of people... -- Nowadays, we live in a glabalization era, where majority of people...

However, it caused numerous problems such ... - About this sentence - replace However with Although/ Even though.

I personally disagree (...) media has more positive impact than negative effect. - You disagree with what? -- Because in my opinion, the electronic media influence our society in rather positive way.

Furthermore, as we know that most of people always using electronic... -- It's always good to start your paragraphs with topic sentences(provide a brief information, what is your personal opinion and the develop your ideas) - so it's not a good idea to start with Furthermore, since you have not stated anything yet.

You have a lot to improve, but you are at the right path. The first thing, that i will suggest is to boost your vocabulary, as well as start reading more sample essay, because you have problems with your grammar and sentence structure(just like me :D).
Dec 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to many, women are much better in taking care of children, than men [2]

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.

Nowadays, the raising of children is one of the most essential skills, that every parent should acquire. According to many people, women are much better in taking care of childen than the men, while others argue that men's abillities in bringing up children are as good, if not better than the women's. In my opinion, the females are able to establish better conection with their children and tend to spend more time with them, that is why for me they are the better parents overall.

We all know that the raising of children requires a lot of time and intense concentration. In contrast to the men, who are getting distracted way too easily, the women tend to focus better on their daily tasks and duties. Moreover, most of the females nowadays, have a lot of free time, which they usually devote to their children, something that cannot be sair about the males, who are always busy pursuing thair own goals and dreams. Furthermore, it seems like many women actually enjoy spending their leisure time playing or caring for their children, whereas the men find the time carying for their children like more of a chore than a pleasure.

Children always need to feel like they are loved by their parents, just as they need a shoulder to cry on, when the plans, are not going in the intendet direction. For most of us, it is not a secret that, the children feel more comfortable and confident in their mather's presense. Whether, because they express

their emotions better or due to the fact, they show more kindness and understanding to their kids, most of the kids will always favour their mothers. In addition to this, the time spend with their mother, is found to be more excithing and interesting for the majority of the children.

The raising of children is a complex process and requires a lot of time and money, but at the end of the day is all worth it. I think that, even though the men should play an important role in this process, overall the women are better parents, because their love and mother's instincts are the most valuable thing for every child.
Dec 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The populations of India and China from 2000 to 2050. [3]

prediction of population growth in fifty years later ... - this particular part sounds extremely strange. -- a forecast of the expected growh of the population for the next 50 years.

They stood at 1 and 1.2 billion respectively. - Both figures stood at ..

significantly of almost 0.2 billion - by almost....

a rise which was experienced by the number of China's people ...
--- the rose experienced by the China's figure was not as significant as the India's.

Moreover, the inhabitants - delete Moreover

It will be represented at 1.45 billion. - Both nations will be represented by 1,45 bilion residents.
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people think that home-schooling is the best method for children's development [3]

88 % of the children at ...

You've used the words "skills" and "communities" way too much at the secord para of you essay. Try to use synonymous like abilities and teams/clubs.

feel the different way of advantages... - can experience different kind of advantages.

the empty room - remove the "the"

As zumbastrol have pointed out, your essay sounds too repeatable at times. Another thing that is worth mentioning is that, you've made a lot of mistakes with the usage of "the". Try to improve this part of your writing.
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1 -The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership [3]

The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership rates of both, mobile phones and landlines in seven countries. Overall, the mobile phones were in greated proportion in four of the countries, whereas the landlines were more commonly used in 3 of them.

In Canada, approximately 62 of every 100 people have used landlines, while the number of mobile users was significantly lower. The difference between the amount of mobile phones and alndlines in US was to the Canada's, although the proportions of the both methods of communication were slightly bigger. The highest number of landline users was experienced in Denmark, where more than 85 people per every 100 had a landline.

In Italy was observed the biggest gap between the number of people who have mobile phones and landlines. About 40% of the people had landlines, whereas more than twice as much were the owners of mobile phones. In contrast to Italy, in Germany the difference was not as significant and 70% percent of the german residents owned a mobile phone, while about 60% of them had a landline. In both Sweden and UK around 85 % of the inhabitans used mobile phones, while the usage of landlines was dramatically lower - close to 60% in Uk and nearly 70 in Sweden.
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of the local official's spending annually in several lands in 1980, 1990, and 2000 [2]

Overall, the higher eduction always in a ... - ...the higher education have always stayed/stood at the highest level over the period.

It was contrastable with environmental services, where it was standing in the second position from above - without the charts, i am not able to edit that part of your report, but it definitely requires some work. First, the grammatical structure looks poor, as well as the overall meaning, which from my point of view looks very difficult to understand.

The higher education was standing in [...] 2000, it decreased to 40% - try to use variety of grammatical structures and describing words to put emphasis on the occurring changes.

In a decade, it increased to 45%, while 10 years later a small decrease has been experienced by the higher education's proportion, as it went down to 40%.

and other part such as transportation (16%), (...) (14%) in 1980. (what about them? in the. In the first part of your sentence, you just present a fact, so there is no correlation between the two parts.)

Transportation had sharply decreasing -- .. decreased

Environmental services was the lowest position ... --- ...received the lowest proportion of spendings with only 4% of the whole sum.

Boost you vocabulary - you've used "increase" in every possible occasion. Try using verbs like - exceed, rise, go up.

Also, in order to emphasis on the changes occurring throughout, use proper adjectives - like approximately, extremely, dramatically...
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, a job for developing communities has taken by adult youths [2]

... communities has taken mainly by adult youths

... to develop society without salary, isbeing paid, which usually done by people with age group 18-30 years oldhas been executed by the people aged 18 to 30.

For people (...) or in the rest of their workday. --- ... have an occupation, usually tend to do this during the weekends or after the end of their workdays.

working infor the societies

Even they routinely spend their ... - They even routinely tend to spend fractions from their salaries with the aim to help/support the communities and the public. (I didn't quite catch what do you mean, by saying "spend their expenditure with aim to communities ").

However, for some people, I agree ... - However, some people, think that they deserve a reasonable remuneration for their contribution to the communities.

For instance,
the leaders of communities who spend ... - the leaders of the communities, who spend most of their time in efforts to improve our communities, deserve a salary .

These people need money just as all of us.

So, it is suitable for them to get some money ... - You have already state that in the previous sentence - delete or rewrite.

All in all, I believe that people want to ... -- In conclusion, i believe that most of the people want to play a part in the development of their communities, just for their own satisfaction. But for the people, occupated only in these areas, i think it is fair to receive some kind of a reward.

My version of the conclusion part is not really good, so i suggest to just look for the ideas rather than for the grammatical part.

Good luck and keep writing!
Nov 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. [3]

I know most of the points presented in the essay are not very logical, but that is not the main problem - I think especially in this essay the word usage and the logical connections between the sentences is not very good.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Provide relevant examples if necessary.

In today's society the huge salary is a symbol of prestige and happiness. Even though, nowadays many people maintain the statement, that the big salary is the most imporrant thing in everyone's job, i think the satisfaction of your work is much more valuable. The main reasons supporting my statement are that, you can not buy yourself happiness, alongside that the feeling of achieving something that no one believed it was possible is incomparable to any tangible good.

Most of the people nowadays, spend 8 or more hours in their workplaces every single day. Basically, we work during 1/3 of our lives and we can not afford to exchange our hapiness, for just more money. Moreover, you can not buy back these 8 hours, even with the highest salary in the world and that is why people should focus on finding job that makes them happy and satisfied from their lives rather than working on something that is boring and depressing, just because of the better salary. With that said, many people prefer to spend a significant amount of their lives, complaining about their dissatified and not valuable workplace, rather than changing the environment in order to find a job corresponding to their real targets and dreams.

We all know that, the happiest moments in our lives, were when we have achieved something that nobody else believed it is even possible. That feeling of relish and proudness could not have been bought even with all of the money in the world. Furthermore, at the end of our lives we will remember just the experiences, which have evoked pleasant and therilling feelings into our minds and regret the time we have spent working for material goods, which at the end of the day are just useless tools. In addition to this, the satisfaction of achieving something valuable in our jobs makes us better people and build the foundations of one better and brighter future for us and our families.

In conclusion, i think that, even though the huge salary can bring some positives into our lives, the satisfaction of our jobs should be the primary reason for choosing our work places. This satisfaction effects your whole life and exerts a huge influence on your future success
Nov 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / From my point of view, the most crucial trait of a person is his diligence [3]

needs to have in order to be successful

It is hardworking - It's probably better to either make the sentence longer or to combine it with another one.

First of all . Without any efforts ... - there is a comma after "First of all"

Diligence is the basic characteristic , that everyone needs to have - (WHY?)

makehave a successful life.

For example . I have known ... (Where is the example?) - I know many people, who are very successful - Choose the right tense, you can't change the verbe tense in between the sentence.

None of them does not spend ...
None of them have ever spent his time in telling some jokes or (logically does't make sense to me) speaking his mind?
Nov 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - Graphs comparing the male and female employment status [2]

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.

Overall, i struggle a lot writing this report and i think there are a lot of noticeable mistakes - especially with the preposition usage and also at tymes it sounded repeatable. I am really concern about this sentence - "The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people." - i think it sounds quite stannge and confusing and i will appreciate every suggestion how to rewrite it.

The graphs reveal the information in regard to the number of men and women occupated in 6 different job sectors of the republic of Freedonia. The provided information is about the period between 1975 and 1995. Overall, most of the males worked at the public(non-defence) sector, while the prevalent part of the females were occupated at the wholesale and retail trade area.

The number of girls, who worked in the public(defence) sector increased significantly throughout the given period, whereas less men were employed in the same business area in 1995 than 20 years ago. The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people. The amount of males and females employed in the manufacturing stayed the same during the given period, as nearly 300 women worked there, while the men occupated there were twice as much.

In the wholesale sector, in 1995 the women employed in this area were outnumbered by the men, due to the dramatic increase experienced in the amount of women occupated in this working area. The figure of the females at the communication sector fall by roughtly 300, whereas the number of men employed in this has not changed, from the rates observed in 1975. The men and women occupated in the non-defence public sector remained the same and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650.

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