Writing Feedback / Youngsters are lack of free time for their leisure activities in various countries in the world [3]

Hi Miss Asma.
These are a few suggestions to finalize your essay. hopefully, these can help you as well as possible.
GOOD LUCK

Over decades, youngsters are(You have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb)lack of free time ...


The thesis statement is supposed to include your opinion or view on the matter. Avoid the sentence like that above because it seemed like the hackneyed sentence. You should show your opinion about the causes and solutions although only one or 2 sentences represent.


Actually, you successfully explain the cause of the problem. I got the points which you mean. However, for the second opinion, you still need developing yours. You have to add the supporting sentences to strengthen your view. Please, you do not show novelty if you cannot review deeply. It is better you focus on one idea.


I think this is not the solution. This tends to be a notice. You can offer like this "THE PARENTS REQUIRE MANAGE THE TIME OF THEIR CHILDREN BETWEEN STUDYING ADN PLAYING BY MAKING A CONSULTATION WITH A PSYCHOLOGY SO THAT THEY CAN EQUALIZE BETWEEN THOSE TOW ACTIVITIES.


You should remember that the conclusion relates to the thesis statement.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: Improving Public Health by Adding Sport Facilities [3]

Hi Abul.
These are my thoughts towards your essay. I have read this closely. In my point of view, you have shown the positive progress. You could build this systematically. However, let me give you a few suggestion to finalize yours.


Actually, you have paraphrased the statement well. I really got the points what you mean, but there was a minor meaning. It is different between little effect and "not always the most effective. If I relate to your sentence, Improving the sports facilities sometimes become the best alternative. Be careful of the meaning of the sentences what you paraphrased.


Avoid the sentences like this. It seemed like the hackneyed sentence because a bunch of people uses it. I suggest you mention 1 or 2 words to describe your position on the matter.

On the one hand,(You picked up the linking word inappropriately) some individuals consider (...) by providing more sportS amenities in the society. This is because it tends to raise ENHANCE public awareness in (...) to access public sportS services.

... several additional sportS facilities in many ...
(although you got the simple example, you can guide readers to understand your mind and related to the topic. Good Job)


Your explanation about the example is less strong. I have not found the logic flow of your explmanations. Please, you improve this section.


Really, this is out of the topic. I remember you that when you wanna create the conclusion, you relate to the thesis statement. That is very different.

Writing Feedback / A questionnaire result about parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010 [4]

Hi Riandi.
These are a few corrections for your writing.


Avoid using this sentence. This is like the hackneyed sentence. As we can see, there are changes certainly.

This is the alternative overview:
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE VISITORS HAD FELT MORE PLEASURABLE THAN THE PREVIOUS YEAR.

Turning to the body paragraph, you describe the data separately based on years. I suggest you compare the figures in the different years,


INITIALLY, THE VISITORS FELT SATISFIED WITH THE SERVICE, REPRESENTING AT 64% FOR TOTAL OF CATEGORIES' PERCENTAGES IN SATISFACTION VALUES (EXCELLENT, GOOD, AND SATISFACTORY).HOWEVER, THEIR ASSESMENT CHANGED IN THE FOLLOWING FIVE YEARS, MARKED WITH AN INCREASE BY A FIFTH OF TOTAL RESPONDERS.

Turning to 2010 CIRCUMSTANCE, the highest percentage was experienced in CLASSIFICATION "good" at twice higher ...
This was in contrast to the figure for both poor and very poor (I did not get the point of this sentence. Remember, your overall aim in the Writing Test is to COMMUNICATE with the examiner, not to 'impress' the examiner. Actually, their percentages dropped, not the categories) seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.

Writing Feedback / The owner of a company is focused primarily to make his company getting more benefits [2]

Hi Mardian..
Below are my suggestions to finalize your essay


IT HAPPENS BECAUSE THE OWNER FOCUS ON MAKING HIS COMPANY MORE BENEFITS.
you have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb.

... attention things must to do BE CONDUCTED, EXCEPT besides THE business itself.

Turning to the body paragraph, I am gonna concentrate on the contents. Honestly, your explanation did not answer the question. The statement asked you to decide your position, agreement or disagreement. I know that your first paragraph reviewed about the disagreement. However, you were only likely to elucidate the ways to get more money.




You should display the intro which can show your position.
HOWEVER, MY VANTAGE POINT IS LIKELY TO THINK THAT THE COMPANY IS SUPPOSED TO DIVIDE CONCENTRATION TO A FEW SECTORS SUCH AS SOCIAL......


You cannot merge two sentences without the conjunction



Avoid repetition and pay attention to collocation. "FOCUS ON"


THEREFORE, the companies do
(there you need the linking word, not the conjunction)

Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your skill
Keep writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The main perspective of Businesses is to Make Money - but is it the only priority? [6]

Hi Sarlinda.

In this moment, I am gonna concentrate on contents of your writing. Before I review your essay deeply, I wanna remember that you have limited time to finish writing task 2 so that you should not write more than 300 words. This is not about the quantity, but the quality of the writing. More you produce the words, more you have the probability to make faults.

Today, business is the one's tool of people earns TO EARN money, ; However, ; as the way for TO earn money,
the firm in products or services which(When you wanna omit the conjunction, you conduct totally) produced is number one.


Honestly, I have not got the answer to the question given. I think you displayed the introduction far of the prompts. Please, you make it systematically. First, you have to show your opinion about that. If you agree with the statement, you provide supporting sentences to encourage your view. After that, you give the concession to strengthen yours. Actually, in the body paragraph, it is enough to be included 4 sentences. Your first body paragraph is so crowded, but you passed the prompts.


Be careful to mention HE or SHE in the essay. It will seem the discrimination for certain gender.
Generally, the essay consists 4 paragraphs. You should separate the conclusion in the different paragraph with the body.


it is better if you include the scientific fact in your essay to support your vantage point. You told readers about the person's experience, but they do not know him. It will seem like the layman's opinion. You should order the example of the person well-known.

Hopefully, you can read a large number of examples of essay so that you get the points of the essential elements in the essay.
practice more and more
Good Luck,
^_^

Writing Feedback / People who conduct a business should concentrate only to their aims to make money. [2]

Hi Meireza..
These are my few corrections for your essay. Hopefully, they can help to finalize yours.

People who conduct business should concentrate FOCUS only to ON their aims to make money.


You should display your position clearly. Agree or disagree..??

Turning to the first body paragraph, you can explain your opinion well. You have given your personal experience to support your statement. However, When I have learnt closely about your example, you did not review detailed. You said that the employees are more prosperous, but you did not mention indicators about that change. For example, that relates to their salary.


You should explain who that Aburizal Bakrie because Not all people know him.


In the conclusion sentence, you should still show your position about that matter.

Writing Feedback / The air is leaking from every ventilation and going out in the first floor, in the roof. [2]

Hi.
here are a few corrections for your writing.

... the process of RELEASING heat lost and energy FLOWING INTO THE HOUSE wasted that caused by THROUGH THE air circulation of the house .
... in the underground and in the upper floor, (...) only occurs in FROM the first floor, ...
... when fresh air comeS from the outside ...
Since the rooms contains HAVE holes that connected (...) floor and in the up floor.

Next, when the fresh air is already situated FLOWS inside the home for replacing the heatED air, so the warm air leakSing out through recessed lights, ...

As a result, it THOSE makesthe rooms temperature OF ALL ROOMS in the house become stable.

Note:
1. make sure what you write.
2. Pay attention to plural and singular
3. Order the preposition appropriately

Writing Feedback / Dealing with client as an external communication skill and listening carefully to colleagues ... [2]

Hi Ifra..
These are my corrections for your writing.

...essential communication skills in A people's job (...) surveys in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1997 and 2006. Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT NOTE THE EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAN THE INTERNAL ABILITY. MOREOVER, the most important skill GENERALLY needed by people was dealing with A client as (...) carefully with TO(Pay attention to collocation. Each verb has different collocation for preposition) colleagues as an ...

In 1997, the HIGHEST percentage of external aspect which(Each sentence has one main verb) was dealing ...
... it rose at TO 65 percent. THE Communication SKILL in ABOUT THE knowledge of product (...) 6 percent and 3 percent RESPECTIVELY.

In contrast, all of aspects in internal ...
Listening to colleagues was the highest skill MOST IMPORTANT SKILL among other which is(I don't know why you always include the conjunction, whereas you can put the preposition) AT 47 percent in 2006. THE Ability to training people (...) went up by 5 percent among BETWEEN 1997 and 2006.

Writing Feedback / The survey result about essential soft-skill in communication for daily routines [4]

Hi Ivan...
These are my corrections for your writing. Before I review deeply, I suggest you add words when you write. This is very risky because you only write less than 160 words. Generally, most of people write this section 165- 175 words. Hopefully, you can explore more of your idea in the next term.

... survey result about ESSENTIAL soft-skill in communication which is important for daily routines...
...people considering that THE ABILITY OF EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAN THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION. MOREOVER, all aspects of communication to ... (I suggest you create 2 sentences in the overview)


I ever told you that your job is to compare the figures. Subsequently, you are supposed to show comparisons in all paragraphs.
WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE ASKED BY ADVISING CLIENTS INCREASED BY 3 PERCENT FROM 36, THE SKILL OWNED BY WORKERS TO SELL A PRODUCT SHOWED THE REVERSE TREND WITH A DECREASE BY 3% TO 21%.

Hopefully, you can be braver to compare the figures.
Overall, you have shown the positive progress.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR PROCESS

Writing Feedback / 100 out of 650 million of people having a physical disability in the world need wheelchairs. [2]

Hi Wasisha..
These are my a few corrections for your summary.

... of people having A physical disability in ...
... with disability embrace AN independent lifestyle.
... for wheelchair users is A house. There are many parts of THE house which require , REQUIRING (you should conduct reducing here) certain condition such in A bathroom with grab bars, ...

... demanding public buildings to be THE TRACK OF wheelchair friendly.
... interior necessitates wide corridor and ...
Many A LARGE NUMBER OF cities have already had A subway and bus system to serve THE wheelchair user ...
... as access to THE wheelchair.
Note: Actually, your summary is a good job. However, you still make mistakes grammatically, especially use of articles. Besides that, you should make your sentences more various. you can use the technic of both reducing and omitting. Turning to the flow, you can display your information well. You only need harnessing the linking words to make your move smoother. I really believe you can show the better progress if you wanna practice more and more

Overall, GOOD JOB
Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Perspective of Electronic Media Effect in People Relationship [4]

Hi Miss Sarlinda.
These are my corrections for your essay

Today, the electronic media usage of BY common people becomeS an essential thing ...
... become depending on THE electronic media usage as a part of their necessary IN THE WHOLE all the time in every day . Because of OWING TO benefits an ...

Somehow, I believe the presence of the electronic media gave us many ...(Please, focus on the question because there displayed the prompts which will guide you to explain)

... the people keep their relationship by remote communication with their colleagues IN A REMOTE AREA.
... communication with THE family in other ...

... media such as THE mobile phone, laptop and notebook were ARE launched with any features which supporting communication (...) because the people now THESE DAYS can download any ...

For example, a THE mobile phone or notebook which completeD with online access ...

Note: Well, I have read your essay closely. I got the conclusion that you only review your reasons why you disagree with the statement. However, you have to uderstand deeply the question


You should also explain that if you agree with the statement, you have the reason. be careful of this matter because it relates to the task responses.

However, you have show the postistive progress. I firmly believe that you can master this skill. You only need providing the time to practice more and more.

keep Spirit
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - Did China discover America [4]

Hi Lincoln.
these are a few improvements for your summary.
GOOD LUCK
The majority OF people argue (...) before Columbus FOUND IT. It is supported by the map, entitled "General chart of the integrated world" after he did CONDUCTED seven voyages for 30 years.

... by a Shanghai lawyer, NAMELY Liu Gang. He argues D it proves that Zheng ...

... of the world by WITH both south and ...
European travelers finished THE discovery like ...
He argues D the map IS copied onto a European map.

Writing Feedback / Information about people's opinion related to communication ability very useful in their occupation [2]

Hi Faiz.
These are a few of corrections.

... related to communication ability that(If you wanna omit, you do totally) very useful for their occupation in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1997 and 2006. Overall, the average of external communication percentage is higher than internal IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY THAT THE EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAT THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION(You should convert your data to reality information).Besides that APART FROM THAT, dealing with people is ...

... and external only have CHANGES less than ten percent ...
We can see in FACTORS OF THE external sides , knowledge of product had BY FAR the highest change ...

Note: Based on the grammar, you have shown the positive progress. You only need improving your ability to group the data. I suggest you read the examples of the writing task 1.

keep writing
Happy writing

Writing Feedback / People's were asked about communication ability which they needed and used in their job [2]

Hi Mr. Mardian.
These are my thoughts for your writing. Please, review my notes.

... percentage of people's answer that were(You should omit this conjunction so that here seems a large number of the conjunctions)asked about communication ability ABILITIES which they were needed in their A job in ...

...all of the percentageS were rising while (...) was falling between 1997 and 2006 IN THAT PERIOD. And MOREOVER, ("and" is the conjunction. You needed a linking word) the percentage of all correspondences wasunder seventy five percent.(I have told you previously that you should not mention the number detailed in the overview)

... selling a product or service fell HAD FELL by 3 percent from ...
... with people aspects in 1997 where WHILE the lowest percentage ...

In internal communication TURNING TO FACTORS OF THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION, all of the percentageS (pay attention to plural and singular) were rising over ...
... carefully to colleagues, REGARDING at 47 percent in (...) or presentations, REPRESENTING at 7 percent in 1997. There was the smallest changed between 1997 ...

Writing Feedback / I agree, that the aircraft can make human avoid the impact of air pollution on the earth. [2]

Hi Goldie..
These are my view of point about your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.


It is really different with the statement. You cannot include an opposite statement for the introduction paragraph.


Your score can fall down because you did not paraphrase the statement. This matter relates to lexical resources in band descriptors. Please, call your attention to paraphrasing.


You really want to explain like that. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. I think traveling by the air transportation can increase the percentage of pollution, not reverse.


This is the same case. I think you have got the point of the question. It is so far of the prompts give. You have explained out of the topic.

Please, you rewrite this question.

Note: I suggest you provide the time for 5-10 minutes to understand the question and conduct brainstorming.

Keep writing
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Bulgarians who wanted to live in another country [3]

Hi Ifra.
These are my corrections for your writing. Please, review my notes.

... about how many BULGARIAN 'S people wanted to (...) new life at IN other countries ...
Overall, people who got FINISHING junior high school degree is BY FAR the highest percentage, from other levels planning to leave BulgariaN. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE GRADUATING THE PRIMARY AND LOWER SCHOOL EXPERIENCED AN INCREASE, OTHER FIGURES DECLINED IN THE LAST PERIOD.

(Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences so that I suggest you create 2 sentences for the overview)

In 2002, 65 percent of secondary educational bulgarians FROM THE SECONDARY EDUCATION wanted to move ...
... from those inhabitants which was AT 61 percent.
... percent of Bulgarians WHO had planning to live outside that county. COUNTRY

But HOWEVER, there was (Avoid repetition) a THE sharp difference between ...
People who came from THE primary and lower education was THE higher percentage (...) from THE higher education which was AT 32 percent and 9 percent RESPECTIVELY.

Note: Please, remember always that your job in the writing task is to compare the data, not describe separately.

Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The data about educational background of Bulgarian Inhabitants who wanted to stay abroad [2]

Hi Faiz.
These are my few corrections for your writing.
Please, review them.

... who wanted to stay in abroad in 2002, ...
Overall, most of people had secondary education(It's not clear) IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE CITIZENS GRADUATING FORM THE SECOND SCHOOL DOMINATED IN THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE GOING ABROAD, and the percentage are almost tripled(Avoid the detailed information in the overview) in 2002 and 2006 ...

... higher education had AN unstable trend, ...

... middle education had BY FAR the highest number in ...
It's(Never ever ever make contraction in the formal writing) also only had a slight decrease (...) downward by two percent in 2008. (You still describe safely. You have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not describe separately)

Besides ON THE OTHER HAND, the number of higher education (Not the school, but people/ citizens. Please, make you sure that what you write is what you mind) THE PERCENTAGE OF STUDENTS WHO FINISHED THE THE HIGHER SCHOOL AND WANTED CONTINUING THEIR ACTIVITY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY had fluctuate trend because (...) 20 percent in 2006, AND it decreased by more than half in to 9 percent IN THE LAST TIMELINE. In contrast, THE FIGURE OF THE elementary education rose ...

Student Talk / What are the ways to improve my essay writing? [17]

Hello Askan.
The key to improve your skill in writing is practice. As many as you practice, you can master this skill quicker. If you want others to help you, you can create a writing and upload here. We will help you to finalize yours in sides of grammar and contents. Almost all grammar books can lend a hand, but those cannot work on condition that you do not practice so that please you begin writing.

First, you can order a topic. After that, you make writing about them and upload here, but you do not forget to attach the question and picture about your material. I really believe you can show the better progress if you wanna review feedback of the other participants.

Keep writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The percentage of juvenile ever born by women aged 40-44s in Australia in 1981, 1986, 1996, and 2006 [3]

Hi wasisha..
These are my corrections for your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them.
^_^
... aged 40-44 in Australia in FOUR DIFFERENT YEARS; 1981, 1986, 1996, and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that MOST OF WOMEN IN THAT CATEGORY HAD TWO CHILDREN. INA ANY CASE, after 1980's, THE PERCENTAGE OF women with three or more children has HAD declined and , WHILE there were noticeably riseS for women WHICH had not children at all.

(Make you sure that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Therefore, you should create 2 sentences for the overview)

In BETWEEN1981 and 1986, for women (...) children proportion HAD increased progressively BY 1.2%, 1.1%, AND 6.6% at9.7%, 8.7% and 35.6%in 1986(you should harnesS the past perfect here so that you display difference between two years) respectively; in contrast, women were(Actually, here are whO and were, but I omit them) more likely to (...) markedly dropPED in to 27.0% from 27.4% ...

(Pay attention to consitency of the tense)

... that ever born had A similar trend ...
There were WAS (Verb Agreement and articles are essential factors) A significant jump FOR THE RATE OF the women were childless ( FROM 12.8% and TO 15.9%) , and THE LEVELS OF WOMEN WHO only had one child WERE ( IN11.3%(1996) and 13.2% (2006))in 1996 and 2006 from 1996 and 2006

Writing Feedback / Proportion of money spent on junk food, statistics from 1970 to 1990 [3]

Hi riandi.
These are my thoughts to finalize your writing

... of money spent on CONSUMING KINDS OF junk food by different...
Overall,except the low level earnings, (...) money on hamburgerIT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT HAMBURGER WAS THE MOST POPULAR FAST FOOD IN UK(Although the low income did not reach the highest rate for hamburger, generally it became the most popular if the rates of all group were calculated and added).

... hamburger and fish HAD experienced an increase, but pizza saw HAD SEEN a reduction.(You should harness the past perfect)

Turning to the first body paragraph, you described the data well. However, it still lacked challenge. You seemed like listing the data. First, you explain all items in the group of the high income. After that, you review the information about the middle income. Actually, you should compare the item amongst the groups directly. I mean that you compare the positions of hamburger in all group. Following that, you conduct explanation like that for other junk foods.

For the second paragraph, you successfully compared the levels of fast foods. You only need keeping consistent to use the tense. Sometimes you forget that you review the data in the past, but you use the simple present.

While pizza remains unchanged at just over 100

Hopefully, these can help you

Writing Feedback / Summary TED: The best question that people always say [5]

Hi Matthew.
These are a few correction and suggestions to finalize your summary. Actually, yours is a good job. You only need to make this smoother when you explain from a topic to another topic. You are supposed to order the transitive words appropriately.

Overall, good job
GOOD LUCK to next writing

The most common questions that people always ask are how succesSfull you would be (....) wake up and do personal exercice EXERCISE like a gym.

In THIS modern era, there are some people who have enormousnumber PLENTY of money. They believe that THE money cannot ...
Interestingly, althought ALTHOUGH they can purchase ...

This condition have HAS been happening (...), but now he can COULD HAVE solveD the problem.
... give them positive feedback which leads LEADING (You should conduct reducing here) to happiness.

Writing Feedback / How to see the thoughts you don't know you are having - Article Summary - To know your brain [2]

Hi Lincoln..
These are my thoughts. Actually, this is good, but I offer you a few improvements.
GOOD LUCK

Those are in AN unconscious area in which WHERE (please you pick up the proper conjunction) almost all people...
In AN actual fact, a few experimental ...
MEANWhile (you needed a transitive word. You have to remember that "while" is the conjunction) , another researcher, (...) Las Vegas, provides PROVIDED A different approach.

After a half of decade, he has concluded that minority ...

Note: Please, you pay attention to use of past and perfect tense. I have found you were sometimes confused to order them. Besides that, you have to distinguish between use of the transitive word and conjunction.

Overall, it is a good job

Writing Feedback / TED article - David Christian- The history of our world [3]

Hi Lincoln..
Actually, your summary is good. However, you have to call your attention to some matters. Please, meet my notes to understand what I mean.

A question which is(you should omit the conjunction) asked by David Christian ...
... explanation from A CIRCUMSTANCE 13.7 billion years ago, when there (...) as the core of THE universe.

The differences between human and an THE other beings is human have HAS a complex language system.
... even in extreme environmentS such as dessert, ...
And in the modern age, A myriad of people are linked withTO THE internet.

pay attention:
1. Make your sentence more various. learn about reducing and omitting.
2. Use of articles
3. plural and singular
4. verb agreement

Please, before you upload yours, you should reread so that you can diminish your faults.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The offspring is a happiness factor for married couple. [3]

Hi Miss Ifra.
These are my thoughts towards your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them.
GOOD LUCK
^_^

... people according to ages GROUPS and the rate of (...) having children AND NOT. Overall, married couples are twice the rate(Please, avoid the detailed information in the overview.)of happiness than unmarried couple.

I am gonna offer the alternative overview:
"OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THERE IS A CIRCUMSTANCE A MARRIED COUPLE FEELS HAPPIER THAN AN UNMARRIED PERSON. FURTHERMORE, THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN DOES NOT IMPACT SIGNIFICANTLY ON PARENTS' HAPPINESS."

According to ages CLUSTERS BASED ON AGE, the average rate ...
... people get happiness which is AT 34 percent. But HOWEVER, most people GENERALLY in the US feel the happiness, REPRESENTING AT under 50 percent A HALF (You should make it more various) OF MAXIMUM SCALA GIVEN.

... factor for THE married couple. But NEVERTHELESS (Miss, here you need a transitive word. "but" is the conjunction), having or not having ...
... which is AT 43 percent brings happiness to FOR THE married couple,(Don't put a comma if those have different subjcts) and children in 18 ages is the lowest percentage which is AT 41 percent makes , MAKING their parents happy

Writing Feedback / Time's Summary: Pro-Government Demonstrators Clash With Opposition in Caracas [5]

Hi Alfa..
Actually, your summary is a good job. However, let me finalize this.
GOOD LUCK
^_^

Today THESE DAYS, protest wave in Venezuela ...
... National Assembly building,(Don't forget to put a comma if those are different subjects) and THAT situation has A high tension in ...
... they get violence from THE military who support ...
... Nicolas Maduro is a THE new dictator in THE modern era. Moreover, they say SAID about inflation (...) free-falling of THE economy, lack of food (...) and good stuff are(Actually, here is a conjunction, but I reduce it) rarely in that country. The majority of oppositionS said Maduro ...

They, furthermore, said Maduro was brought that country far cry from initial tracks(you should rewrite this sentence because readers get difficult to acquire your point) . This congressional debate is important taking SINCE IT TAKES into the consideration BASED on the fact ...

Either parliament wantS to impeach the president or not.

Writing Feedback / Happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance [2]

Hi Faiz..
These are my corrections to finalize yours.

... about happiness degreeS in percentAGE related to relationship (...) the spouse life in United States . Overall, both of them don't DO NOT (Never ever use contraction in the formal writing) reachfifty percent.(Avoid mentioning detailed information in the overview) It is also shown that connubial ...

... people who already married, have the highest happiness ...
... people have almost half AS MUCH exaltation compared ...

... people who have pupils(Be careful of paraphrasing. Don't change meaning) or not, so we can ...

Note: You are supposed to reread before you upload. make you sure that what you write is what you mind, especially paraphrasing.

Writing Feedback / Plenty of books had been read by women and men from 2011 to 2014 at Burnaby Public Library [2]

Hi Edho..
Actually, your writing is a good job. However, I give you a few corrections to enhance the quality of your writing.
Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

... information about A plenty NUMBER of books which had ...
Overall, despite having an upward trend, both of them ...
Overall, all figures experienced significant changes in the number of books read. Eventually, men read more books than women.
(Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least three sentences so that you should create 2 sentences for the overview)

..., more women read THE book at Burnaby Public (...) was showed in AS THE RATE OF men MALE READERS. This leads HAD LED to a narrowed ...

... has been read by maleS experienced a ...

... the graph shows that, between 2012 and 2013 THE female readers HAD increased slightly ...
Next FOLLOWING A YEAR, while a marked decrease ...

Writing Feedback / Happiness ratings for people who have partner and do not have partner in the US [5]

Hi Wily..
I hope these can finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK


Be careful of paraphrasing. Actually, in the technic of paraphrasing, you must not paraphrase one by one word. When you change structure of the sentence, it is also paraphrasing. be careful of ordering the word. Partner has different meaning with married couple.


Happiness is the uncountable noun. Don't use the higher number for the uncountable noun. This is an alternative sentence for your overview.
Overall, it can be obviously seen that the married couple in the USA feels happier than the unmarried person.


HOWEVER,........
You have to remember distinguishing between the conjunction and transitive word. There needs the transitive word after a period.


at 44 percent for happiness, WHILE THE MARRIED COUPLES have

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Comparison between married and unmarried couple and the effect of children. [4]

Hi Ivan.
These are my thoughts towards your writing.


Avoid mentioning the number in the overview. It will seem like detailed information. You are enough to write "OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THERE IS A CIRCUMSTANCE A MARRIED COUPLE FEELS HAPPIER THAN UNMARRIED ONE. IN ANY CASE, THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN DOES NOT IMPACT SIGNIFICANTLY ON PARENTS' HAPPINESS.

Besides that, you have to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences so that you should create 2 sentences for the overview.

... of happy people (43 percent) is almost MORE THAN double than OF THE RATE of unmarried one (21 percent).
... happiness rates for American GENERALLY are below than a half.

Turning to the second paragraph, you have described the data well.
Please, you provide more time to read the examples of writing task 1. It will help you to group the data.
Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / The English teachers were three times less popular in Ontario, than the French language tutors there [3]

Hi Miss Sarlinda.
I have read your writing closely. These are a few suggestions to finalize yours. Please, pay attention to my note and deal with them.



Miss, avoid mentioning detailed information in an overview. If there is a tendency to focus on details, your score will fall down to 5. In this moment, I will try to give you the example of overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE ENGLISH-LANGUAGE TEACHERS DOMINATED THE WORKPLACE IN ONTARIO INITIALLY, BUT THAT POSITION HAD BEEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED BY PROFESSIONALS TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE. MOREOVER, A GAP BETWEEN BOTH FIGURES HAVE WIDENED.

A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you only played safely. You have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not describe separately. One of the prompts in the writing is your skill to compare. Please, you keep in your mind about this matter.

Well, I wanna demonstrate the example of comparisons.

IN THE FIRST PERIOD, THE NUMBER OF PROFESSIONALS TEACHING ENGLISH WAS MORE THAN TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE, REGARDING AT 75% AND 705 RESPECTIVELY. HOWEVER, THOSE POSITIONS HAD CHANGED SURPRISINGLY. FOLLOWING SIX YEARS, THE FORMER FELT TO APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS OF THE BEGINNING PERCENTAGE, WHILE THE LATTER SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE ENGLISH TEACHERS, WITH THE PERCENTAGE AT THE 2001 ENGLISH TEACHERS FIGURE.

Hopefully, those can enhance your skill to display the data.
I believe you can show the better progress. Practice more and more, and you only wait and see your outcomes.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / It\s hard for some people to build their first business enterprise instead of working as an employee [2]

Hi Anna..
These are my corrections to make yours better. Please, review them
^_^

... instead of working as AN employee in a particular place. Since they think, THAT it needs a lot ...


Anna, focus on the question. You have avoided prompts given in the statement. The question asks you to display whether being an entrepreneur has more advantages than drawbacks. One of the essential points in writing task 2 is task response.

Turning to the body paragraph, I have not found answers to the task responses totally. This follows out of the topic. You should explain that if someone becomes the entrepreneur, positive aspects and drawback what they will get. After that, you consider them whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. There is an explanation widely, but your finishing cannot sharp the prompts. Actually, you can write well because you have made a large number of mistakes grammatically. You only need to conduct brainstorming better so that you still review in the edge of the prompts.

I suggest you read the examples of writing task 2. As many as you read them, you can get the points and sense of essay.
I believe you have a big opportunity to master this skill
Keep writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Students are not given a freedom to express what they think, and it kills their creativeness [3]

Hi Lincoln
These are a few corrections to finalize your summary. Please, meet and deal with them.
^_^

They are keen to get ON GETTING (Pay attention the meaning and collocation) new insights which (...) in their life, AND then make life easier. However, the students in THE school are commanded to obay OBEY all teacher's instructions ...

... children are born as an artist,(If there are different subjects, you should put a comma) and a parent ...
... keep them as an artist is ARE to MAKING THEM (make you sure that what you write is what you mind) understand two ...
Several children think the world as they THEIR experience.
... through several approaches;are movement, ...
In addition, A majority of children generateS a thought (...) which interactS and transfers ...

Overall, it is a good job.

Writing Feedback / An extraordinary capacity of creativity can be obtained by having a willing to be wrong [3]

Hi Nurul.
These are my thoughts towards your summary. Hopefully, these can help you to finalize yours

Every child has AN extraordinary capacity (...) by having a willING to be wrong.
... system was developed to fulfilL A job and industry demand. But HOWEVER, THE jobs now need not (...) but also THE creativity.

Firstly, THE intelligence is diverse, (...) many different ways - SUCH AS in sound, movement, AND visually. The second is dynamic, STATING THAT intelligence ...
The third is distinct, it means MEANING (I conduct reducing here) that people have ...

... to use their not only THE intelligences but also THE imaginations and ...
... principles in educating THE creativity to the children.

Note:
Actually, your summary is a good job because readers can get the points. However, you still improve your skill for writing. Please, you learn about linking words, reducing, and omitting.

^_^

Writing Feedback / Population in the state of Oregon by County from 1940 to 2000 [3]

Hi Miftah.
I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I am gonna offer a few corrections to finalize yours. Please, you meet my notes and review them.

... number of population, which is measured in thousands over A 60-year period ...
... population rose significantly among RATHER THAN two other counties.

Turning to the body paragraph, you can describe the data well when we only focus on grammar. However, you have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is comparing figures, not describing them separately. Honestly, you can reach the score, but it cannot help you to reach the score more than 6 because you play safely. You are supposed to have a bravery to compare the figures relating each other. These below are the example sentences to build a paragraph consisting comparisons.

Initially, more people preferred to live in Washington. Its population reached at 75 thousand and was by far the highest popultaion. For two other countries, the population numbers stood at a very similar rate at approxiamtely 30 thousand. However, by 2000, there had been a significant change. A gap between the figure for Washington and other countries widened out from 45 to over 150 thousand. Interestingly, Columbia's population rate had fallen back to the level of the 1940 Washington figure, representing at 75 thousand.

Hopefully, those can help you to get the points of the writing task 1.
I believe you can master this skill if you wanna practice more and more.
Keep writing.
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / What type of wind turbine location is necessary to generate maximum electricity? [3]

Hi Miss Septia
These are my correction to finalize your writing. Please, you review them.
^_^

... by using a wind turbine and what types of its WHERE APPROPRIATE locationS to generate optimum electricity. OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS TO GENERATE THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY. ON THE OTHER HAND,

... that the turbinE can be located ...
... domestic turbine, the turbine which locates LOCATED in the hill is (...) than the domestic turbine and the offshore turbine. THE OTHER LOCATIONS.

A THE turbine can be (...) equipment which are INCLUDING a steel tower, ...
... used directly to convert THE wind to electricity.
... start producing electricity untill UP TO 1.5 megawatts.

... locations to build turbines to SO THAT THE TURBINE CAN CATCH generatesmaximum THE wind MAXIMALLY.
..., which are in ON the steep hill, ...
The wind turbine which is buld BUILT near the the domestic area, has the smallest size. , SO It can only ...

I have found some misspellings. I suggest you reread your writing before you upload so that you can reduce your faults.
Keep Spirit
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / How the electricity can be produced by wind turbine and where is the best location to put it [3]

... how the electricity can be produced GENERATED by A wind turbine and where is the best APPROPRIATE locationS to put it PRODUCE THE ELECTRICITY OPTIMALLY. Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENTS. MOREOVER, the most powerful (...) it is located in the the sea.

A THE wind turbine consists (...) blades which is(You should conduct reducing here) made by fibreglass or ...
First of all, THE wind comes from ...
After that, the blades rotate,(Don't forget to locate a comma if those are different subjects) and THE wind sensor (...) while THE computer gets THE information from THE sensor to adjust (...) if it IS necessary.

THE Location of a wind turbine ...
There are three choices OPTIONS to put LOCATE a THE wind turbine ...
Even WHEREAS on the hill and in (...) enormous wind but , the optimum location is (...) but also the landscape which is not spoiled. If a THE wind turbine is located (...) than the turbine which is located in the ...

Note: Actually, you have describeD the data well. you have shown a positive progress. However, you have to remember about use of articles "the/a/an". Besides that, you should order a phrase to guide readers that you explain an overview.

I really believe you can show the positive progress in the term. Don't be bored to practice more and more
Keep Spirit
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The illustrations shows the process of generating electricity by using wind rotary motor [5]

Hi Anna.
These are a few corrections to finalize your writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
GOOD LUCK
:D

The illustrations PICTURES show the process of (...) rotary motor that locateD in the three different places. Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENTS. IN ANY CASE, THE domestic turbine uses slower wind strength SLOWER than two other turbines where it is THOSE ARE located in the sea and in the hill.

..., such as A steel tower, blade fiberglass, ...
Firstly, THE wind blows over the particular part of THE turbine on the blades.
... responded by THE wind sensors, in which . THERE IS ALSO A computer is used to get information from THE sensor to adjust ...
THE Wind sensor manages speed ...
Then, THE wind will be generated HARNESSED TO GENERATE by generator to produce 100 kilowatts of current.

The second location of THE other turbine ...
... the turbine that is located in ON (pay attention to collocation) the mainland.
The electricity that is (you should reduce that conjunction) released by the ...
... tower brings benefit, which BECAUSE (you are supposed to order the proper conjunction) it does not disturb ...
The ANOTHER turbine tower three is in ON the hill. THE Wind comeS upon to the tower and passES the same process like THE other towers.

Both of these turbines produce GENERATE larger current than THE domestic turbine. 250w

Writing Feedback / The electricity generating design from wind turbine and its best place as location [2]

Hi Miss Meireza..
These are my thoughts towards your writing. Hopefully, these can finalize yours. Please, meet my notes and review them.

The diagrams illustrate electricity generating design from COMPONENTS OF AN ELECTRICITY GENERATOR KNOWN-WELL AS A wind turbine and where it optimum locations CAN PRODUCE THE ELECTRICITY MAXIMALLY. In general, the equipment of wind turbine consists ...(You should display the detailed information in the body paragraph) OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT THE TECHNOLOGY CONSISTS OF FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENTS. Meanwhile MOREOVER, THE wind turbines ARE able to be placed ...

THE Wind turbine in the sea DOES not spoiled it landscape.

... when blades are propeled to rotate PROPELLED by STRENGTH OF THE wind. THE Wind sensor readS the speed and direction of THE wind. The Computer receiveS THAT infoRMATION from THE sensor to adjusts THE blades with THE wind direction and angle. It makes generator produceS 1.5 megawatts OF THE electicity output.

Please, pay attention to VERB AGREEMENT

The wind turbines which are(It should be reduced) placed on the hill ...
More electricity can be generated (...), each of them produceS 1.5 megawatts. Whereas HOWEVER, THE domestic turbine IS only able to (...) output of THE electricity

Trust me, you will show the positive progress if you wanna provide more time to practice more and more.
Keep writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Each location offers different advantages and disadvantages based on wind strengths and scenery look [3]

Hi Aini,
These are a few suggestion to finalize your writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them

The pictures illustrate the design of machine A TURBINE (You should avoid paraphrasing if it has different meaning)which is used for generating electricity from wind and its proper location. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT The turbine consistsS of blades, steel tower, wind sensor, generator, computers, and wind as the energy source FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENT (The detailed information is supposed to be displayed in the body paragraph). Overall IN ANY CASE, each of locations LOCATION offerS different advantages and ..

... when the turbine getS A signal from THE sensor WHICH adjusts bladed (...) angle of THE wind. Following this, THE blades which are(It is able to be reduced) made by fibreglass ...

... of this movement is ARE set by THE wind sensor and passes into A generator.
... maximum pressure, it will produce GENERATE 1,5 megawatts electricity.

... proper locationS for WHICH PLACING wind turbines which is ARE near from house...
... is located near from place to live RESIDENTS, the turbine will produce ...
The second place is in ON (Please, pay attention to collocation) the (...) the turbine will produce GENERATE(Avoid repetition) maximum electricity due ...
But HOWEVER, it is not good BAD LOCATION since the scenery is spoiled.
... turbine gets maximum wind, AND does not ruin the landscape, but it is renderS difficultY when the turbinE gets tRouble as people need ...

Note: Avoid misspelling...

Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Naturan process - Erosion of a headland [2]

Hi Ilmi.
These are a few suggestions to improve your writing. Hopefully, these can help and finalize yours.

... there are four primary stages which begin BEGUN (make you sure that what you write is what you mind. You should make it passive word) with rock destruction ...

... top layer, stack, and stump, subsequently.

In this stage, THE sea wave which has (...), and it results in forming SHAPE a small cave.
... larger and larger in size, before creating a (...) Door, and Dorest. DORSET

... called stack formation in which WHERE sea water hits ...
..., called a THE stack. Afterwards, the water still erodeS the stack (...) its length becomeS narrower.
... remains a small pieces of stump ...

Note: Actually, you describe this well and systematically. I have found the good flow and the sense of this writing. However, you still make mistakes which you actually could avoid them. Please, you reread your writing before you upload in order to diminish your faults.

OVERALL, IT is a good job.