Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - the most general things that people like and dislike about Fairmont Island [NEW]

The pie charts show the most general things that people like and dislike about Fairmont Island based on observation of visitors. Overall, it be obviously seen that the highest proportion of general profit and general loss are the people and high cost of living respectively.

Move to more detailed analysis, the proportion under half of the total, people in Fairmont Island become the main reason of most common advantages among visitors which is 40%. It is the highest percentage of general advantages which means almost four times higher than good accomodation which has the lowest percentage. Then the scenery has 37% that make it as three times higher than culture proportion which becomes the second reason to encourage visitors come to this place. Culture and good accomodation only have a fairly similar percentage which are 12% and 11% respectively.

However, there are also drawback because of visiting Fairmont Island. Surprisingly, the quality of food becomes the lowest percentage that visitors dislike in this place with proportion at 5%. It means ninefold lower than high cost of living as the highest proportion. The percentage at around a third of total, entertaiment in this place get the second highest proportion with percentage at 30% and is followed by weather which has a gap of 10%. It makes entertaiment percentage higher than weather percentage as visitors claimed to dislike about this place.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Clear plastic dome. IELTS Writing Task 1 [2]

The diagram presents the method to transform sea water into drinking water by using a simple device which is called a floating solar still. Overall, it can be obviously seen that drinking water can be produced with just a few simple steps which is accomodated into drinking water collector in the final stages.

First, make sure the device ready to use that consist of clear plastic dome, a rubber tube, and smaller container which is called as distilled water collector. When a part on the bottom device which is larger container that is partly loaded by sea water which means the process begun. after being loaded, the clear dome is passed through by sun's rays which sea water will be evaporated in the inside of the dome due to heat from sunlight. Once the sea water have been evaporated , it is also condensed. Finally, the water flows down until the rubber tube is passed through and is poured into water collector. It is ready to drink.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / The percentage of Australian children aged 5-14 years and their activities [2]

The bar chart illustrates the percentage that australian children in 5-14 years old do in their spare times on various activities. Overall, it can obviously seen that with the exception of watching TV or videos and doing art and craft, boys always have more percentages than girls.

Closer look at the data reveals that 100% girls and boys prefer to watch TV or videos in their free time which the most popular activities that they do most in their free time. Boys are also many more than double the number of proportion than girls doing skateboarding or rollerblading with 39% and 22% respectively. Apparently the number of boys spend their spare time by playing electronic or computer games is more than riding bike while girls have fairly similar proportion for both activities with a gap of approximately 1%. Afterwards, compared to art and craft, is the only one activity that is predominantly undertaken by girls rather than boys with 59% and 38% respectively.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Online sales for retail area of travel, film/music, books, and clothes in New Zealand [NEW]

The pie charts give information about kinds of online sales for retail area which consist of travel, film/music, books, and clothes that are measured in percentage between 2003 and 2013 in New Zealand. Overall it can obviously be obviously seen that travel and clothes sales decreased gradually for a decades, while book and film/music sales witnessed large increase during the same period.

To begin with, in 2003 swa that 36% people ordered travel via online which made travel becoming the biggest proportion while books sales were becoming the smallest percentage which had 19%. It meant that books percentage were approximately two times smaller than travel proportion. Furthermore, film and clothes had a fairly similar proportion which were 21% and 24% respectively.

Surprisingly, 2013 experienced significant increase of film proportion to 33% which had a gap of 12% with film proportion in 2003. This also made film sales becoming the biggest percentage in 2013. Meanwhile, there was a biggest fall at around 8% of clothes sales which caused them becoming the smallest percentage over the same period. Even though travel sales decreased to 29% but it still had bigger proportion than books which had percentage around 22%.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / We can not function without doctors because they are more important than inventors.. A/D? [3]

We can't live without doctors because they are more important than inventors..

Nowadays, in modern era, there are a lot of useful inventions in order to make people's lives easier than in the past. However, several people believe that doctors are more important than inventors so as to reach healthy life. I would argue from both point of view.

People who live in sophisticated era will understand that inventors are absolutely important for people's life because they find many inventions which are obviously useful in lots of sectors such as medical, construction, sport, and many others. For example, Thomas Alfa Edison, the person who found the lamp, prove that everyone in this planet needs lamp for their life including a doctor. He needs lamp in order to help their job when they treat their patient or in surgery process. As a result, inventors are also essential for them.

However, several people argue that inventors are not as important as doctors because they help people directly and medicine. In addition, doctors's services are more essential for them because they safe many life and treat people who have diseases. Furthermore, nowadays, there are some doctors who are willing to work voluntary while inventors are not which means that people must buy their inventions by their own money. Hence, doctors are extremely neccessary and important for human life.

To sum up, it is clear to me that although doctors are essential for human life, I believe that inventors are substantial as well. Besides, in my opinion, both of them should work together to make peole's lives better than now.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 : Staying healthy in this modern world becomes more and more difficult [2]

hello there, please correct my writing task 2 if you don't mind, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

QUESTION
some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be

discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Today's hot issue is about healthy lifestyle. As seen, this way of life is hard to be found by people in modern era. While this common though is argued by some people in the light of advance technology, others believe that such an healthy lifestyle is easy to achieve but need some ventures to reach it. Therefore it is suggested that both of them have their own reason.

Apparently finding a health lifestyle seems difficult for some people because recent inventions such as mobile phone, computer, give great contribution to people in degeneration health. A 2011 recent Indonesian University study reveals, that more than 70% of people in Indonesia tend to ignore sports since they were more likely to choose playing online games in computer or mobile phone rather than do regular exercise. This result in their health such as lack of of exercise and easy to suffer disease. It is clear that a sendentary lifestyle is obviously seen in Indonesian people. As a result, such an invention affects people to live in unhealthy life.

Apart from the previous discussion, others argue that it is not difficult to get fit. There is growing evidence that people can have a healthy life only with a little desire and effort. Firstly, they can exercise regularly such work out in a gym in order to improve their health since a number gyms with the latest fitness equipment have been built in the modern world. In addition, it is convenient to get healthy food to avoid cholesterol problem due to some modern supermarkets have spread to various region these days. Furthermore, it will be much better if people particularly workers consider of walking or riding bicycle instead use their cars. None of this would have been possible without make a real effort and strong eagerness.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the impact of modern era have brought people to a sedentary lifestyle. However, it is believed that this problem can be tackled easily if they want to be. Where possible, people should do exercise in groups so as to omit boredom.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Clothes become an indicator in people's characteristics [3]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is certainly true that clothes are extremely important accessories in someone's physical appearance. Therefore, people believe that garments can reflect who really people are. Yet, the opponents argue that people can not be judge based on their clothing. In my opinion, such this notion of appraising people by their clothes is definitely wrong.

Apparently, people assume clothing as a reflection of personality. Those who dress by using the latest fashion show that they have a tendency keeping up with trends, for instance. Furthermore, the way people's choice to wear clothing, make statement about their body image and self-image. To illustrate, a woman who often use long skirt in her daily live, generally described as a feminine person. In addition, based on Gloria Fashion Magazine survey, the details of people clothes have significant meaning, at least describe specific culture such as batik for Indonesian people. There is no doubt that clothes play an important role in describing people personalities.

Apart from previous discussion, the opponents believe that clothes can not be an indicator to people's personalities. A 2015 recent Indonesian Corruption Watch study reveals that more than 50% of government's official do corruption. This means, although they wear good clothes everyday but there is no different personalities with common thief who steals people's money. As a result, with wearing a good clothes, it does not mean that people have good personalities. Evidence of this can be seen that people's character is not expressed by their garments.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the way people dress, might be saying a lot about their personalities. However, it does not indicate people characteristics. Where possible, people should know more about others prior to judging them. As for me, i strongly believe that true character is reflected in how people behave, not how people dress.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some people argue that the sole purpose of business is to make a profit - the more the better [4]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Since globalization era, it is much more easily for people to enter business world. While some people argue that the sole purpose of business is to make a profit - the more the better, i personally suggest that creating and maintaining customers should be considered for better future.

There has been an assumption that the only one goal of a business is to make money. However, like or not, money is regarded as the key role in business world since the needs of money to run business. Furthermore, all companies require capital to carry out business activities such as production sector and employees's salary. Moreover, according to entrepreneur magazine, making money is certainly an important result of company existence due to the big correlation between profitability of a business and the length of its existence. As a result, there is no doubt that making money is of paramount importance.

Apart from previous discussion, business shall also focus on making and preserving customers. As per Peter Drucker, a lecturer in Harvard University, said that customers are foundation of a business and keeps it in existence. This means that if society have trusted to company's products, they will never stray away to competitor's products. As a result, the business will be getting bigger due to the number of customers will increase. It is clear that more attention should be paid on customers.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although making money is essential in business world, customer's role should not be forgotten. However, i believe that maximize profit should take into account in order to survive in business world.

Writing Feedback / Electronic media may bring dire effects on people's relationships and everyone should be aware of it [3]

Hello there.. i need feedback, i would appreciate any suggestion you may have.. thank you

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More attention should be paid on the utilizing of electronic device these days. While this notion is utterly acceptable since electronic media bring dire effects on people's relationships. It is argued that electronic media are needed as have valuable aspect on human relationships.

Needless to say, people tend to use electronic media in wrong path which affect on their mutual relationships with people. They are often to end up communication without saying anything due to miss understanding connection with others particularly in text-message or chat-message cases. A 2011 recent Guardian Times survey reveals that 30% of American had broken up and fought with their mates as the miss understanding words or emoticons they had been created. This resulted in poor connection among people due to some people do not communicate to each other face to face. It is clear that electronic devices have bad impacts on personal relationships between people

.
Apart from previous discussion, others believe that electronic media are necessary in order to increase the quality of people's connection. Firstly, people can meet face to face even though they are in different places. It is possible since Skype or Video call have introduced to people. Furthermore, society can keep in touch regularly using electronic media which means that there is unlimited communication among people no matter where they are or whenever they need. In addition, people can make a lot of friends on social networking sites which extend their relation to the world. There is no doubt that electronic media have a huge impact to make people's connection more intense.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the use of electronic devices can give rise to harm people's relationships. However, it is argued that electronic devices bring people much closer than before. Where possible, i personally suggest that people should control the use of electronic media in order to decrease bad impact.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of residents rate in three different areas of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 - the line chart [4]

A breakdown of population rate in three different areas of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 is shown in line chart. Overall, more people lived in Washington. Therefore, population rate had a similar trend for all countries.

Initially, the number of population rose during the 60 years and reached the maximum level in 2000, but Washington's population always came first among other countries. There was a significant gap in Washington compared to Yamhill and Columbia in 1940 with a gap of approximately twice as much and it had widened to over 160,000 in 2000 due to significant increase in the number of people in Washington.

At more detailed look at the graph reveals that the difference was less marked 1940, with just over 25,000 and 30,000 people live in Columbia and Yamhill respectively, while population in Washington was in number 75,000. Additionally, for the next 30 years, experienced slightly increase in the number of population in three areas. By 2000, a significant growth in Washington's population reached a peak at over 240,000, while the others had fairly similar population with Washington at the beginning of the period.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Colour as a powerful weapon against people's uninfluenced shopping decisions - IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.

How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Colour influences people in different ways particularly decision when they purchase something. This notion is utterly acceptable since colour can attract people interest. However, i would argue that colour is not the only one factor when people buy something since famous brands affect as well.

As a matter of fact, colour has a big deal in when it comes to decide some options when people buy something. This is because consumers have their own interest colour. A 2012 recent psychologists study reveals, that more than 70% of people in the world were more likely looking at visual appearance including colour at products they would buy since many products with a particular colour sold out for 3 hours in Canada. As a result, the retail companies received big benefits.

Having said that, however, brand on the product should not be forgotten as a factor that is equally essential since lots people tend to buy something considering about it. According to fashion magazine in 2012, 85% of people were more likely to buy renowned brand in order to get more respect from others since it could make them become public attention. This resulted in the increase in the number of branded products were sold by retail companies.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the immense impact on colour has influenced people's decision to purchase something. However, it is believed that well-known brands also should take into account as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: HIRING NEW EMPLOYEES - is the interview process necessary? [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

More attention should be paid on the method of employers hiring employees. Although some people argue that work interview is the best method to find out a suitable employees, however, this is utterly unacceptable. It is suggested that other ways such psychology test should be taken into consideration as it seems quite important while deciding new workers.

It is generally believed that work interview should be conducted by companies prior to hiring new employees since this way helps them to know about the level of their applicants' knowledge and suitable on the specific area of the job. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 80% of the company made a presentation during work interview so as to find out the intelligence of the candidates and their interest. As a result, this will bring company to better future since they have qualified employees.

Apart from previous discussion, psychology test is decent to be considered as a method while hiring new workers because it determines people's personality which is appropriated with the situation of the job desk. According to Mario Teguh, an Indonesian pscychologist, states that employees tend to be more enjoyable with their job when they feel suitable with their work. This will give rise to positive impact on the company's progress.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the huge role of job interview has become essential when it comes to hire new employees. However, it is argued that psychology test is equally important as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: COLOUR EFFECT ON PEOPLE LIVES - particularly on patiens and workers [2]

Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals

How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?

Today issue is about colours' effect on people lives. Apparently, more people particularly patiens and workers tend to be influenced by colours when it comes to work performance and health. However, it is argued that the effect does not significant as much as predicted.

Apparently, the impact of colour in the office is less important. This happen because colour has no tendency that involve with work perfromance on workers. The New York times reported in March 2015 that 40% of officers in America do not care about the colour or pattern on the wall. There was no effect on their quality of work even though their offices painted their rooms randomly. In reverse, i would argue that the performance of workers are influenced by good environment.

Interestingly, colour plays a role in some cases, but it is ultimately secondary when it comes to hospital since more patients do not pay attention on the colours and pattern on the walls but they focus on their health. For example, a 2012 recent study by University of Indonesia reveals that 90% of patients in International Hospital didn't experience the changes on their health even though they stay in the room with different colour. Apart from discussion, i argue that more doctors with high qualification influence people health.

As far as i am concerned there is no relation between colour and patient's mood or worker's performance. This means that colours are about people interest only. Where is possible, people should focus on their work while hospital should hire qualified doctors in order to improve people health.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: MONEY INFLUENCE WORKERS however the loyalty can not be measured with salary [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

People have different opinions about the faithfulness of workers at work. There comes a point where money influences more employees giving constant support to a institution for many years while others feel that friendly environment and leadership opportunity is simply main reason for workers to remain faithful in a company. I personally agree with the latter statement since i believe it plays a key role in the workers loyalty.

When it comes to loyalty at work, people have a tendency to find out friendly environment since it can make them feel comfortable by staying in the same corporation for long time. A 2012 recent New York Times survey reveals that 80%of workers in America preferred to remain loyal to their institution due to happiness surrounded by kinds of good people which was suitable with them. As a result, they will not move to the other side even though its offers a plenty of money.

Another reason why employees live in the same company for long period is that hopefully they will have leadership opportunities since it might be a great chance to lead workers to the bright future. According to Bill Gates, a Microsoft's owner, state that several firms would give a big chance to them who show their loyalty in order to present them a better career path. This results in workers not moving out from company for years.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the loyalty of workers can not be measured with salary. As far as i am concerned, there are other important factors to motivate employees to be loyal to the institution. Where possible, some rewards should be given by companies in order to appreciate people works.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: CHILDREN WITHOUT ARTISTIC TALENT [NEW]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude

More attention should be paid on children education. As seen, it would be useless if less talented children in non-academic subjects such arts are encouraged to learn something involved arts, drawing and painting for instance. I agree with this notion since untalented children have no chance to become an expert in art subject and they will be under pressure as well.

Learning art is not as easy as expected. Needs particular talent and great effort to learn such drawing and painting which they gain prolonged stress. For example, a recent study of Indonesian University reveals that children with lack of artistic sense should spend at least for 4 years to gain high skilled in the art subject. This brings them into stressful condition due to the difficulty of learning such subject which is quite dangerous for children's learning development.

Another perspective that should be taken into account that student without aptitude in art subject are extremely wasting their time when they attend the art classes since it is less likely to be an professional. According to Kak Seto, a psychologist from Indonesia, states that many children fail in Indonesia as they try to learn other skills contrary with their own talent. They will just become an ordinary person in the future without special abilities or skills which actually they can obtain it when they were child.

The aforementioned evidence shows that school have to pay more attention on children's talent since they are bound to endure the high risk of depressed and losing hope to be a high skilled person in the light of forcing them to learn about art subject.

Writing Feedback / International students are facing cultural adaptation problem when taking education in other country [2]

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?
Education is priceless asset. As such, the idea that huge benefit can be taken by attending school in a new country since it will be really helpful in the future. Yet, the demerit should not be forgotten as a consideration before international students leaving their original country. although the both ideas have their own views, i would argue that the advantage are more important than the disadvantages.

Needless to say, international students will face major problem when they take education in other country such a culture adaptation. This happens since there is lots of differences between their original cultures and others which give rise to make them depressed. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 75% of international students in England could not stand for long time being in the unusual situation which was impact on their focus. This resulted in the decline in their score at university. However, such the impact on this problem could be reduced by learning about the cultures in that state prior to leaving their country.

Despite these drawback, the main benefit of studying abroad should be considered as the reason why International national students take this opportunity. They believe that international recognized qualification is extremely essential since it can be useful for their life. This was illustrated in recent New York Times article that highlighted the good capabilities of students with international recognized qualification attracting companies attention to recruit these kind of people since qualified workers are needed by many institutions especially people with international recognised qualification. As a result, such students will take higher salary rather than ordinary people since they have additional values.

The aforementioned evidence shows that studying overseas has huge benefit rather than drawback but i think students should not be afraid with the bad impact since it can be brought down by acquiring information about culture for the sake of adaptation. Where possible, students should take this opportunity in order to reach bright future.