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Posts by Mardy17
Name: Mardyanto Barumbun
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 32
Posts: 18  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

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Mardy17   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The policy for smokers in public areas like station, office and mall center is steadily restricted [2]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

At these days and ages, the policy for smokers in public areas such as station, office and shopping centre is increasingly restricted in many countries. Although this notion is strongly opposed by the cigarette users, I firmly stand to agree that such a policy reduce the dire effect to the passive smoker as well as gradually reduce the smokers' dependence on cigarettes.

It is true that the presence of smokers in public spaces brings a very uncomfortable atmosphere for others around them. In fact, cigarette smoke does not only bring negative effect to the smoker's health, but even bring terrible effects for passive smokers around them. Public Health Association of Indonesia (IAKMI) revealed that around 25% of harmful substances contained in cigarette smoke enter the body, while the remaining 75% of harmful substances contained in cigarettes will be widespread in the air which can then be entered into the body of those around him. Therefore, I strongly agree with the policy to limit the space for smokers in public places.

Furthermore, the policy indirectly has a positive impact on cigarette users to gradually abandon their habits. This is because most of them who work in the public space will be limited to get a chance to smoke, thus, they incrementally begin to compromise with the situation. Take a Japan as an example, the local government supported by the citizens has established a new regulation to restrict smoking area in the public centre. This results in the improvement of fresh air and reduces air pollution caused by smoke.

To sum up, I firmly believe that making illegal to smoke in public areas is the wisest consideration in order to reduce the detrimental to others around the smokers and also encourage the smokers to leave their habit.
Mardy17   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THE QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ITS COLOUR [2]

Recently, colour has become popular issues in THE trade world. ... to persuade costumers CUSTOMERS for purchasing their products. This essay willI WOULD argue ...

... case which states that quality areIS the most essential factors (...) object for THE long-term period. The costumersCUSTOMERS tend to purchase the equipment ...

... the colour which is only pullScostumerCUSTOMER 's interest in the beginning ...
Mardy17   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : IS THE INTERVIEW TEST THE BEST WAY OF SELECTING EMPLOYEES? [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

The majority of the company carry out the interview test before engaging the applicant into their company. While some parties concede this sort of test is the best method to gather information deeply regarding applicant's personality, I would argue that candidate's proficiency is quite arduous to be encompassed through this test, thus, the aptitude test is likely the best way to determine applicants who match the criteria of companies.

The predominant aim of a job interview is to offers the employer valuable insight into applicant's personality. It is pivotal for a company to comprehend the personality like responsible and trustworthy of the applicants. For instance, the Indomaret Corporation, the biggest supermarket in Indonesia, conducts the interviews to applicants based on the importance of knowing the applicant's detail information. However, this kind of test does not cover the real skill that basically candidates have.

In my point of view, the aptitude test is the most appropriate method to recruit employee that accordance with the criteria of companies' expectation. This is because the applicants are directly examined on the spot with the intent to prove the real skills that the candidates really have. Thus, there is no doubt of companies for hiring the suppliant that pass through this test. To illustrate, the garment companies are not necessary conducting interview test for hiring a new tailor. Instead, they just conduct a proficiency test to ensure the capacity of the candidates.

To sum up, despite the fact that through the interview test, the employers can possibly reveal candidate's personality which is important to be known, but it does not mean that it cover the applicant's skill that is pivotal to be considered. Thus, I personally argue that aptitude test is the best method for choosing employees.
Mardy17   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The predominant reason why most employees are fond of working is the given salary. [3]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

It is generally assumed that the predominant reason why most employees are fond of working in an enterprise for the longer period of time since they are motivated by the given income. While I believe this notion is generally true, the salary apparently not the only reason why workers are devotedly working in a certain company, the comfortable with the teamwork in the company is the another reason that should be taken into account.

A great number of employees have a tendency working loyally in a certain enterprise for the long time due to the salary earned. Most of them assume that the income that they earned is a decent salary and has been more than enough to fulfil their daily necessities. Hence, they are not interested in looking for another job. For instance, a recent poll by the workers in the 10 biggest companies in Indonesia reveals that that 69% of workers consider loyally working in certain occupation because they have obtained a satisfactorily income and even their salaries are likely becoming more and more increase annually.

Nevertheless, in any cases, the comfortable to work with either the other workers or the employer is another motivation for some people to labour loyally in a company for years. They assume that the pleasant of work environment can support them to perform their duty pleasurably and responsibly. Take my elder brother who works as a teller in a bank as a sample, he argues that working is not only about how much money that he earns but how comfortable he works with his team instead.

To conclude, despite the fact that money is the primary reason for many individuals to labour in a certain company for many years, I firmly believe that the comfortable with teamwork can possibly motivate many workers to keep on their current job.
Mardy17   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Forcing children mastering certain skill that they are not talented and interested is a vain effort. [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some would assume that giving an art class in formal education to the children who do not have sufficient artistic skills is a useless decision. They argue that it will be better if the children pay more attention to the other attitudes that children might have. While this is acceptable to some extent, I would also agree that such a way provides an extensive chance for children to develop their talents.

Needless to say, forcing children mastering certain skill like drawing and painting that they are basically not talented and interested is such a vain effort. It is because those arts require a natural skill that children have had since they were born and those who lack that skills may not get anything. For instance, in my personal experience, when I was in primary school my family insist me to be a singer, but it is useless as I do not have an aptitude for singing. Despite this, many parents would still stand on the argument that talent can be created as long as the children can compromise.

In reverse, children are necessarily directed to their own passion and talent to expand their aptitude properly. Basically, the talent that children have is really valuable if the parent concern on it. For instance, Rose Mini, a well-known psychologist in Indonesia said that the majority of successful children in their early age, because their parents lead their young generation to the natural talent that children have. Therefore, there is no doubt that the children's skill can be a valuable possession as long as their parents are aware of developing it.

To sum up, it is true that making children study a certain artistic subject that they are basically lack of that is a pointless consideration, thus, the parents necessarily concern on the skills that children may have.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : SHOULD PARENTS RELY THEIR CHILDREN ON CHILDCARE OR RELATIVES? [2]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this sophisticated era, the majority of parents particularly in a metropolitan city now both have to work. Therefore, most of them tend to look after their children to childcare centre since this such place provide the optimum services with a trusted licence, while other parents consider relying on their closest family like grandparents for nurturing their children. In spite, the day care centre offers a pre-eminent service for the children, I firmly believe that looking after the child through the other family member is a wiser decision in order to maintain the emotional relationship between the children and the kinsfolk.

The childcare centre ensures the parents with the fully-trained staff for treating their children. This is because all of the childminders have involved and have a legal certificate of parenting training. For instance, in the UK, there has been a patent regulation that guarantees the parent to entrust their child to the Childcare with the excellent services. Hence, the day-care is generally assumed as the best place for looking after the children, while the parents are on duty. However, on another side, the children lack the emotional relationship with their own family.

In reverse, most of the busy parents tend to entrust their children to their closest relatives such as grandparents. They assume that their family is much more reliable and trustworthy. In my local area, the majority of working parents decide to rely their children on their kinsfolk for looking after their children, while they are going to work. Personally, The consideration to look after a child trough the family members like grandparents is a wise decision since beside the grandparent nurture the children, a personal emotion with their grandchild is also established tightly.

To sum up, although the childcare centre guarantees the parents with the trained staff for nurturing their children, but the child less attention from their own family is the drawback that should be taken into consideration. Hence, rely the children on the kin is more advantageous.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Put addicts to jail or rehabilitate? What have to be done to prevent them from using drugs? [3]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

It is true that narcotics and other addictive substances are a detrimental threat in human being lives particularly for the young generation. Some individuals argue that the narcotics addicts is compulsorily imprisoned since they have broken the law, while the others believe that as a matter of fact they are a victim that necessarily get a rehabilitation in order to be escape from their addiction. Although getting the illegal drug user into the jail is a simple way, but I strongly believe that recover them from their addiction is more essential in order to make them aware of the dire impact of narcotics.

Drugs become a major scourge around the world. There is an old paradigm that the drug users necessarily be set in the prison. This regulation is assumed can possibly bring deterrent effect for the trespasser. However, as per Anang Iskandar as the Head of the National Narcotics Agency (BNN) said that imprisoned abusers would actually increase their demand for those illicit goods because drugs is still easy to purchase in prison. Besides, According to BNN, about 75% of drug distribution is controlled from inside the prison. Furthermore, in my opinion, most of the drug addicted who have been imprisoned get back to use the narcotics after they are divested from the jail.

In reverse, the policy to set the narcotics trespasser into the rehabilitation centre is one of the best ways to reduce their dependency on narcotics gradually. This is because in rehabilitation, abusers and drug addicts get a medical treatment to recover their addicted on drugs as well as a step to suppress their demand of illegal drugs. Based on research of Indonesian National Narcotics Agency (BNN) reveals that every day virtually 40 until 50 Indonesian young generations pass away because of drugs. Fortunately, through the rehabilitation centre, almost 60% of drug addicts can survive and even be exempted the addiction. Therefore, I firmly believe that a step for rehabilitating the abusers and drug addicts is the wisest decision because this way enables the narcotics trespasser recover from their addiction.

To sum up, even though sentencing the narcotics trespasser into jail can possibly make feeling guilty of them, but it does not mean that they have free from the dependency on illegal drug. Hence, recover them from their addiction through rehabilitation centre is a proper way that the government can take.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Common for a great number of children in lots of nations to involve in different kind of occupations [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is becoming increasingly common for a great number of children in lots of nations to involve in several sort of occupation. Whilst few people argue that this trend is obviously inappropriate for the young generation, the others think that it is such a priceless experience. In my opinion, even though the decision to work gives merit such as job experience and additional income to the children, I extremely believe that they necessarily pay more attention to their education and enjoy their childhood properly.

Some people assume that job experience is the precious benefit for children who consider working at the early age that should be taken into account. Job experience is extremely advantageous as a consideration when children enrol in a more well-paid. This is because the experienced children are assumed more qualified and responsible for performing work. A recent survey in Jakarta reveals that 78% of companies set job experience as a primary job qualification. However, labour in certain job apparently makes the children neglecting their study because they have enjoyed the salary that they earn and it results in the unqualified generations.

In reverse, the majority of people assume that it clearly cannot be justified for children labour in their early age as they necessarily focus on their education or spend their childhood by playing with their peers. Moreover, work in a certain company could disrupt their physical, mental and social development. For instance, a recent study by the team psychologist at the University of Indonesia found that children who work part-time or full-time in certain occupation experience a difficulty their personal and social relationship as well as there is a decline of accomplishment in their study. Therefore, I firmly believe that the young generation should enrich their knowledge in their early age before they involve in a real job because the worker with a lack of insight will not obtain a well-paid occupation.

To conclude, in spite of the statement that the job experience is a real benefit which can be obtained by the youngster, I strongly believe that it will better for children if they spend their childhood properly by focusing on their study and play with their pals.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 children should be entrusted to childcare centre or parents [2]

Some considered childcare centerCENTRE as the best place ..., but others argue that grandparents is ARE the better one.
... as they have a qualified stuffsSTAFFS , ...

It is avoidableINEVITABLE that childcare centre provides ... they have already sent their employee to THE training centre for A particular time. ... who are sent inTO childcare board look skillful ... However, I tend to claim this is not A good choice since a child abuse isHAS frequently occurred among childcare workers.

IN REVERSE, Busy parents are more likely to ...
... sending my children to my parents creates A safer environment for my children. I believe this notion is more preferable ....

... children can grow properly as they provide aTHE best treatment, ... Therefore, (PUT COMMA) entrusting children of pre-school ...
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : MOVING THE INDUSTRIAL CENTER TO SUBURBS AREAS [3]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The government in several nations around the world prompt the companies in the metropolitan city to move their business activities in suburban areas. Although this decision can affect the local environment in suburbs areas, I believe this notion brings the benefit such as the economic growth and the availability of occupation for the occupants in a countryside.

The threat of the manufacture activities toward the natural environment is the possible drawbacks that should be taken into account when government decide to relocate the industrial city to countryside areas. This is because the waste productions of the certain industries which contain chemical are generally dumped into surroundings. For example, in 2008 in Indonesia, lots of industry centers are moved to the outskirts areas with consideration to unravel congestion in the capital city, but the production activities of those firms are not environmentally and even bring detrimental effect to the surrounding, such as river water pollution. However, I strongly believe that this issues basically cannot be happened if the companies maintain the regulation as well as the government supervise the industrial activities.

In reverse, the improvement of the local economy in the countryside is the obvious advantages when business and industrial sectors are relocated. This consideration can provide the job opportunity for many occupants because a great number of companies compulsorily involve and employ the local citizens in their firms. For instance, the data from The Indonesian ministry of industry and trade reveals that the rate of economic growth in the area around the industrial areas increased dramatically during 2011 by approximately 6.83% from the previous year. In this way, local governments will be able to reduce the number of unemployed in the region. Besides, the presence of these companies in the countryside will improve the quality and skills of human resources in the surrounding area. This is because the company need well-trained employees to cooperate in their company.

To sum up, despite the fact that the relocation of industrial centres to the suburbs can possibly threaten the natural surrounding due to the detrimental waste production, I firmly believe that the available of work opportunity and the improvement of the economy sector in outskirts are the merits that outweigh the demerit.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2: high attention of either digital or printed media in the lives of extraordinary people [4]

Hy Mita 23, In my point of view, after I comprehend your writing, you seem more likely to describe both view rather than have to stand in the pros or cons statement. The task prompts you to an extent agree or disagree with the opinion of "They (red: Media) should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead." Tks.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / DO THE COLOURS INFLUENCE THE PURCHASING DECISION? IELTS Task 2 [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufactures and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour. How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

These days, a great number of manufacturers enrich the colour of their product as they assume that the majority of customers have a tendency to purchase certain goods based on its colour. In my point of view, this consideration is indeed true because someone is generally fascinated by the certain colour. However, unfortunately, colour is not the strongest factor that influences customer decision in purchasing a product. Instead, the price and the brand of product are the dominant factors that customer are generally taken into consideration.

It is true that colour can possibly influence someone's decision when purchasing certain goods such as cloth or cell phone. This is because physical appearance like the colour has a special allure to impress human's attention. For instance, in semiotics is explained that colour has an influence toward someone mood and interest. Hence, a great number of companies consider enriching the types of colours on their products to attract attention of the customers as well as improve their sales.

Nevertheless, apparently, colour is not the only one factor that can affect customers' interests to buy something. The price and the brand of the product precisely have a significant role in attracting costumers' interest that should be taken into account. The majority of people tend to consider the brand of the certain product before they purchase it as well as mull its price due to quality and affordability reasons. A recent poll by the customer in a Mega Mall Indonesia reveals that 48% of customers tend to ask the price of a product before purchasing it, while almost 38% of customers buy a certain commodity based on its brand.

To sum up, in spite the fact that colour obviously influence someone's interest to buy a product, but apparently colours of certain product are just a final consideration when the costumer has felt compatible with the price and the quality of the product.
Mardy17   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students can receive useful skills while working - but is a paid work really beneficial for a child? [2]

Some would argue that children who are occupied isARE forbidden ...

... basic knowledge in school which will take THE majority of their time, while work...
Most school in Japan, the 4th country which haveHAS the best education (...) students to have a paid-work (WITHOUT HYPHEN) out of school time, due to the case study which ...

...The students who work as a waitress in a restaurant, will more capable to speakFOR SPEAKING in public rather than those who ...
Mardy17   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Level of Three Predominant Exports in Southland [3]

The given bar chart provides information about the level of three predominant exports in Southland in 2000: 2016 and 2025 as a projected year, a 25-year period and is measured in the billions of pound. At first glance, it can be obviously seen that international tourism sector was the greatest export in the beginning year as well as at the end of the period, while meat products show the reverse. In any case, dairy products experience the highest proportion in a current year.

Moving to a detailed analysis, the amount of earning in the tourism sectors stood at higher than £8 billion in 2000, the rate then increases to virtually £9 billion in the next 16 years. Interestingly, 2025 forecasted to experience a significant growth, with the rate reaching a high of £10 billion. Meanwhile, the amount of income from meat products sector began at £6 billion and fall gradually to roughly £5,5 billion in the recent year. Moreover, the rate will decline steadily by £0,5 billion compared to the previous 10 years.

With regard to the international export of dairy product sectors, the level began at almost £7 billion. In the following 16 years, the rate increases sharply and speak at 10 billion. However, the rate forecasted decrease considerably at just over £9 billion in the end of the period.




Mardy17   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / At what age should kids begin their formal education: at four years old or 7 years old instead? [2]

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.

How far do you agree with either of these views?


It is generally assumed in several countries that the parents necessarily enroll their children in a primary school at the early age. In contrary, others argue that the children ideally begin their formal education at least 7 years old. Personally, it can be justified to provide basic skills for children in early age, but the materials which are introduced to the children should be adjusted to their capacity.

It is true that education is one of the essential necessary in human being life and generally has introduced since a young age. Most parents consider bringing their children to formal school in early age, occasionally 4 years old. This consideration is generally based on argument that at a younger age, children are faster to comprehend something new. Moreover, Lots of studies have revealed that the first five years is the golden age of children's intelligence development. One study says that at the age of 4 years old children's intelligence capacity has reached 50%. In many cases, children who have introduced with the basic materials like recognizing letters and numbers have a greater ability than their peers who have not been introduced to the subject since childhood.

Nevertheless, all parents should take into account that basically there are several development stages on children's brain. Forcing children obtain heavy materials such subjects in a formal school can possible lead frustration and cause failure in academic. The materials which are introduced to the children should be adjusted to their capacity. As stated by Director of Early Childhood Education (ECE), Ministry of Education, Dr. Gutama, the intelligence capacity reached 80% at the age of 8 years. This shows the importance of providing stimulation in early childhood, before entering primary school.

In conclusion, in spite of the fact that early age of children is the golden period to learn and comprehend something new, the parents should consider the development of their children's brain before enroll the children in a formal education.
Mardy17   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: When children should start learning? [3]

Hi, Afla.
You are pretty good in explaining the task.
I just advise you to consider to provide scientific fact on all your justification in order that your argument has a strong base.

... while others require a higher standards of students' age...
... which create ineffective outcomeS such as their mood and awareness. ..

... so achieving a great result in THE learning process is difficult.
... education for students aged 4 is not relevant to their characteristics. (THIS NOTION NEED MORE DETAILED JUSTIFICATION)

... Although students have enough cognitive skills, they STILLare lack of psychomotor skills since ...

All in all, THE learning process is better to ...
Mardy17   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : MONITORING SYSTEM THROUGH ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY [2]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


These days and ages, it is true that sophisticated technology is becoming an integral part of human being lives due to its expediency. In particular, some of the technology equipment like CCTV camera or cell phone are used to keep track of people's activities or conversation. In general, most of the people occasionally do not realize if they are being monitored. I firmly believe that this development is beneficial to reduce the criminal cases like shoplifting or organized crime and be the authentic evidence in a certain incident. However, increase in case of illegal wiretapping is a drawback that should be taken into account.

It is inevitable that human life becomes getting easier thanks to technology. A great number of people or companies utilize several advanced technologies like CCTV camera of particular interest. Generally, it is put in the house, office or shop for security reason. Take the stores in a shopping center as an example, the manager or the owner of those shops fit up the CCTV camera in order to record the whole activities in the shops include the shoplifting incident. The thief who is not aware of surveillance camera will be easily caught by the security. Besides, the recorded videos or conversation in a certain crime can be an authentic evidence to ensnare the perpetrator to confess. Therefore, these advanced technologies are totally useful and bring so many benefits.

Nevertheless, every single person or company has to consider to have a strong legal basis for monitoring certain individual due to the reason that each person has the privacy right of their own as long as it does not harm others. The technology possibly leads the drawbacks because it can be also used to steal the personal or secret information. For instance, in 2009, the Indonesian president and several state officials in Indonesia had experienced an illegal wiretapping through the telephone by the Australian government since 2007. This incident is certainly very detrimental to Indonesia because their privacy information had been stolen.

To conclude, despite the fact that the easy leaking of information because of modern technology is a demerit that should be taken into account, I believe that the development of this technology brings more advantages in human life as long as it does not harm other people.
Mardy17   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : THE NUMBER OF PASSENGER IN THREE DIFFERENT INTERNATIONAL AIRPORTS [2]

The given bar chart illustrates the number of passenger in three different international airports during five years, from 1995 to 2000 and is measured in millions of people per year. At first glance, it is obvious that the total of the traveler increased considerably in both Laguardia and Newark air terminals until the end of the period, while there was a fluctuation of visitors' rate in John F. Kennedy Airport. In any case, LaGuardia experienced the highest rate of the visitor in virtually each year.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, visitor numbers who arrived at Newark Airport began approximately 35 thousand while the total of guest in Laguardia Airport reaches over twice as many as Newark. Subsequently, 1995 to 1998 experienced a gradual improvement in the total of holiday maker in both of international airports. However, while the number of travelers in Laguardia grew steadily in following two years and reaching a high of nearly 70 thousand of people in 2000, the level of the visitor in Newark international airport was leveling off at 42 thousand of the passenger for the remainder of the period.

With regard to the passenger rate at J. F. Kennedy airport, the total of passenger stood at just under 30 thousand in 1995 and increased steadily over the following two years, with the rate reaching a peak of 45,000 passengers. However, it suddenly fell to approximately 32 thousand of guest in 1999. Finally, the rate then increased again in 2000 by 10,000 visitors compared to previous year.




Mardy17   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : CAN OUTFIT APPEARANCE SHOWS SOMEONE'S CHARACTER? [3]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is true that clothes become an inevitable accessory in human beings' lives. Nowadays, a great number of people assume that these garments can delineate who an individual is, while others believe that there are no justifications for this. This essay will discuss both points of view.

For decades, apparel has become a primary need for every single person which protects them from the detrimental effect of various weather conditions. Interestingly, the style of dresses is constantly changing in each age and most of the people have a tendency following the new fashion trends in order to still look up to date. Moreover, lots of outstanding people wear the certain style and the current dress to impress their fans and express themselves. As a result, fashion occasionally becomes a benchmark in society to describe someone's personality.

Nevertheless, some people believe that it is quite hard to value someone character based on their outward appearance since the different person has a different dress style. Generally, the garment which individuals used depends on their occupation. For instance, a business woman dresses clothes neat suit up in order to seem polite when meeting with colleagues, while a farmer always wears a simple suit like t-shirt because this type of fabric is easier to absorb sweat. Therefore, the cloth is totally worn for such purposes and we cannot judge people's character by the clothes they wear.

In conclusion, I would argue that garment basically cannot be an indicator to value somebody's personality, due to the reason that the cloth is just outfit appearance that can be manipulated anytime, while someone's character could not be changed. Finally, while there are some who may wish to judge people by what they wear, the reality is that nobody can distinguish the character of a person simply by the clothes they wear.
Mardy17   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / PROPORTION OF FOSSIL FUELS CONSUMPTION IN THE US AND THE UK [2]

A breakdown of the proportion of petrol consumption as per three different earning income among citizens in the UK and the US is illustrated in a line chart. At first glance, it is obvious that in the United States, the poor consume much fuel than middle and rich ones, while in the UK, people who have low incomes spend less petrol than other categories.

To begin, low-income people in the United Kingdom consume petrol at approximately 0,5 to 2,7 percent of usage. In contrary, the poor in the US spend petrol with reaching a high of 5,2%. Meanwhile, middle-income citizens in both countries consume fossil fuel around 4%-5% (the US) and 2,7%-4% (the UK).

Furthermore, the level consumption of petrol fuel among wealthy people in both developed countries are virtually same where the rich people in the UK utilize much petrol oil at around 3-4 percent rather than wealthy people in the US at just around 2% to 4%.




Mardy17   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour in Ads. Manufacturers and retail companies know how to make people purchase their products. [2]

Hi Dynaranjani!!
Personally, I find your essay quite attractive. However, I am a little bit confused by the study that you cite.
In your conclusion, you mention that "colour only takes a small proportion in determining costumers' decision", while in your first body paragraph, you cite a study which said that "colours seem to have a huge power to attract customers' eyes"

So, I do not find any strong argument that supports your opinion.
Thanks :)
Mardy17   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : THE INFLUENCE OF SOPHISTICATED MEDIA on people in a relationship [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on the personal relationship between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is generally assumed that utilizing of sophisticated media such as the net and mobile phone bring a detrimental effect on the personal interaction between individuals. In my view, although in several cases the use of electronic devices breaks a relationship, I strongly believe that it totally depends on the user. If advanced technology is used properly so it can make the relation being more harmony.

These ages, electronic gadget becomes an unavoidable belonging for virtually every single person. However, this equipment sometimes leads to a problem, especially debate between couple partner due to each of them busy on their personal device. Most of the couple tend to spend more time to focus on their own gadget and neglect their partner. As a result, they are a lack of a real personal communication.

Nevertheless, I extremely believe that to be part and parcel, technology devices do really aid a human in many ways, including establishing a perfect relationship. It is because sophisticated technologies like the net and smartphone are truly useful to make the distance being meaningless. To illustrate, a great number of people can keep in touch with their partner thanks to electronic devices. Moreover, the use of gadget also gives a great chance for entire individuals to perpetuate their every single moment in their togetherness by the phone camera and shared on their social media. Hence, they can remember the precious moment whenever they are.

To conclude, the advanced media can possibly trigger a dire effect on people in a relationship if it is used inappropriately. However, I extremely believe that electronic device makes the relationship between individuals if they utilize it wisely.
Mardy17   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recently, some people prefer to build new job field instead of involving themselves in a company [2]

Hi Awe!!
I would like to highlight the thesis statement on your writing.

... Even though there are some bad effects for setting up new company, I extremely believe that the merits outweigh these drawbacks.

You say that the advantages outweigh than drawbacks. However, if I analyse your writing, the disadvantages that you provide are equal with the merits that you have mentioned in your writing.

You have to analyse carefully on the prompt. The task requires you to provide more advantages to disadvantages.
Tks :)
Mardy17   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'level of blissfulness' - IELTS TASK 1 : HAPPINESS RATING CHARTS [3]

The first bar chart provides information about the blissfulness level of individuals who have married and still single, categorized by age group, whereas a breakdown of the percentage of mated couples' happiness based on the number of children is illustrated in another bar chart. Overall married couples have a higher happiness rating rather than the single ones. In any cases, the bliss level of married individuals who have either children or no children tends to be similar.

To begin, happiness rating in whole age groups of mated people are virtually equal. However, people aged 18 to 29 are recorded as the highest level of blissfulness at 45%, while married people in the age 50-64 age group saw lower by 5% compared to the youngest age group. On the other hand, the bliss rate of unmarried individuals under 64 years of age is just over 20, whilst the single people aged above 64 years reach 34% of happiness rate.

Moving to a more detailed analysis of mated couples' happiness, people who have children under 18 years seem happier than other groups, with reaching 44%. Meanwhile, individuals who have children aged 18 years or above experience as the lowest happiness rating at 41%.




Mardy17   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The given diagram illustrates the ins and outs of air circulation in a house - prodigality of energy [4]

The given diagram illustrates the ins and outs of air circulation in a house and causing the extravagance of energy because of heat losses. Overall, the standing out information from the picture is that the air goes into a house through downstairs and upstairs while the warm atmosphere is leaked by way of the ceiling in the building.

To begin, the air leaks into the house through several medium which is installed either on the upper floor or basement of the construction. The majority of the air go through the windows and door. Besides, outdoor faucet and crawl space in the basement are contributed to dispense the fresh atmosphere into the house. Moreover, the hot airs are also replaced by the new atmosphere thanks to the household like kitchen fan and dryer vent.

On the other hand, the warm air in the building is leaked through few channel on the ceiling such as recessed light and attic hatch, while bathroom fan and plumbing stack vent are the mediums for the warm air losing out of the house.




Mardy17   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / THE WIND TURBINE - the structure and process of generating electricity - IELTS TASK 1 [2]

The given diagrams illustrate the structure and process of generating electricity from the wind power as well as the possible position to place the machine. At first glance, it can be seen that a turbine structured by some essential equipment like steel tower, generator, blades and wind sensor which is connected to the computer. In any case, this machine is possibly installed in three different spots in order to produce electricity.

In the first stage of the process, wind's direction is firstly detected by wind sensor of the machine. By the time, this tool measures the speed of the wind as well. Next, the information regarding course and speed of the wind are analyzed by the computer and then the computer will adjust the rotation of blades which made from fiberglass or wood materials. When the winds pass through the propeller, it will create an air pressure that can rotate the turbine propeller. Ultimately, the rotation of blades can produce electricity up to 1,5 megawatts thanks to the generator.

Furthermore, the whole structures are installed in various spots, such as around locals residential in a smaller size of the turbine and just generating about 100 kilowatts. Meanwhile, lots of the turbines are possibly placed in the sea in order to reduce the harmful effect on the coast. On the other hand, the establishment of the turbine in the mountain is possible to obtain optimum wind energy and also generate a plenty of electricity.




Mardy17   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / The parts of the technology for producing electricity from the wind and where it should be installed [2]

... According to the diagram, a wind turbine consistS of a tall and strong steel tower, ... a wind sensor which sendS information to THE computer. ...

..., the wind blow the blades as it rotateS . ... then send the data recorded to THE computer. As a result, following the rotation of the blades, THE generator will produce up to 1.5 megawatts of electricity.

THE wind turbine can be planted...
However, it would caused CAUSE damage in the landscape...
In addition, a domestic turbine can be constructed to generate THE smaller amount of electricity.

Generally, although installation of this technology can brings BRING merit toward landscape, ...

Hi, Ikaa.. I have highlighted several errors on your writing.
Firstly, the incorrect verb form after modals,
e.g

this technology can brings merit toward landscape

it would caused damage in the landscape

don't forget : Modal + Invinitive

Secondly, incorrect verb form with singular subject
e.g

a wind turbine consist of a tall and strong steel tower

the wind blow the blades asit rotate

Finally, Missing articles (A, AN or THE) can be found many times on the passage.

Thaks.
Mardy17   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - ENERGY WASTED DUE TO THE HEAT LOSS IN TWO-STOREY HOUSE [2]

... about air circulation which causes energy wasted due toBECAUSE/SINCE/AS the heat loss in THE two-storey house.
Hi Awe, You have to use "due to" properly.
DUE TO, THAKS TO and BECAUSE OF are followed by the noun, not SV agreement.

... In addition, most of THE air is blown out to THE ceiling.

... the other places where air comes IN are THE outdoor faucet and crawl space in the basement. Dryer vent in the kitchen also allowS air to break through the house.

Turning to losing air process, THE large amount of air goes up and escape through the ceiling.
Mardy17   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : EMPLOYEE OR EMPLOYER - being an owner of some personal business is worth to consider [2]

SOME PEOPLE DECIDE TO START THEIR OWN BUSINESS INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR A COMPANY OR ORGANISATION.
DO THE ADVANTAGES FOR PEOPLE WORKING FOR THEIR OWN BUSINESS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?


At these days, it is generally considered by lots of individuals to be an entrepreneur rather than being an employee for another enterprise. In spite of drawbacks such as the business is possible to be unsuccessful or even can be bankrupt, I believe that being the owner of our personal business and gain income from it are merits that should be taken into account.

Several people sometimes argue that being an employee is a safety way to obtain a stable salary due to the reason that workers receive a monthly salary from his superiors regularly. A further disadvantage is possible to be bankrupt, this notion is sometimes haunting many people to begin their own enterprise. For illustrate, when a company is bankrupt, the employer or manager is the most losses, while the worker or employee on this company can easily look for another company

Indeed, starting up an own business is a quite complicated evidenced with the issues that I have mentioned previously. However, to be part and parcel being a boss on personal business is an inevitable pleasure. Although someone earns much money by working for another enterprise, actually they are still a peasant. On the other hand, if somebody establish his own business, by far he is a boss. Moreover, you would be extremely happy earning income from your personal enterprise. Furthermore, you can control and manage your time work personally.

To sum up, even though some obstacles would be demerits in starting up personal business, earn income and control own expertise personally are the great benefits that should be taken into account.
Mardy17   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'build up close relation to others' - The Effect of Electronic Media on Personal Relationship [4]

These days and ages, it is GENERALLY presumed that private relationship between citizens ...

..., some artists have to face cruel comments which ARE wrote by the haters ... It is thus clear that, private communication of residents is driven to be not respectful.

However, advanced technology has becameBECOME a great helping hand nowadays, ... to make a call or even a video call by using THE internet connection to talk with other relatives which can decrease travel expense ... Also, talking with friends who live in another part of the world becomes much more easier (DOUBLE COMPARATIVE) as it can be delivered by instant messenger. Consequently, it is tightenTIGHTENS the personal connection between people.

..., it is immensely useful to build up THE close relation to others. ... to be more responsible in leaving THE online comment in social media.
Mardy17   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 a wind turbine used to generate electricity [3]

Hi IlanKelo21, I guess your description really clear.
However, I find several correction.

... to generate electricity and two possible spots (BASED ON PICTURE, THERE ARE 3 POSSIBLE PLACES, YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THE TURBIN INSTALLATION ON DOMESTICS RESIDENTIAL ) where turbine can be installed.

Furthermore, I also highlight the missing article in your writing...

... With control of THE computer in the small building ... When winds blows , the blades will work

... THE Shoreline is usually the appropriate area ... to be electricity up to 100 kilowatts in THE domestic turbine.[/quote]
Mardy17   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The level of graduates from 2001 to 2007 who are recruited as regular educators in Ontario; IELTS 1 [2]

The graph provides information about the level of graduates from 2001 to 2007 who are recruited as regular educators of English and French subjects in Ontario at the same year once graduated and is measured in percentage. Overall, it is evident that the percentages of first-year English teachers decreased significantly over the time frame, while the French-language tutors' rate increased considerably.

To begin, the level of French-language teachers, graduates 2001 stood at 70% in the starting period, likewise, the teachers of English subject was recruited by approximately 3% compared with the French tutor at the same year. However, both of categories fell sharply in the following year at just under 60%. Interestingly, in 2003 experienced a significant improvement of French-language teacher's acceptance, while the employment's rate of educators in French lesson plunged to 40%.

During the period of 2003 to 2005, the percentage of both categories simultaneously grew. However, until the end of the period, while the recruitment rate of English lesson's tutors jumped sharply at fewer than 30%, there was a considerable improvement in the level of French-language educators at approximately 73%, although there was a gradual drop in the previous year.




Mardy17   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Women unemployment percentage in four countries of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014 (IELTS 1) [2]

Hy Niam01.
Actually, you have to attach the image of the bar chart that you have explained.
Well, I just highlight on several errors on your writing.

A breakdown of the percentage of women who WERE joblessness in particular (...).

... there was a slight decline in THE PERCENTAGE/LEVEL/PROPORTION OFfemale unemployment . IN ANY CASE , While Scotland experienced a small rise in THE women RATE who did n not get ...

However, this figure decreased in a THE FOLLOWING year later by 0.3%. In contrast, there was an upward rate of women joblessness in Scotland. Interestingly, only this country which had an increasing percentage of employment women , this figure begin BEGAN at 6.1% in 2013 and followed by (...) highest proportion of women WHO WENT out TO work among four countries.

... there were almost a near similar number PROPORTION of women occupied, at ...
Wales witnessed the smallest number OF women occupied offour AMONG OTHER countries in 2013 (...) become BECAME the least percentage (...) declined by 1% COMPARED TO PREVIOUS YEAR.
Mardy17   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Who Should Take Responsibility on Children Unhealthy Lifestyle? [3]

MANY CHILDREN THESE DAYS HAVE UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING THIS PROBLEM.
TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

It is true that at this time and ages most adolescents have a sedentary lifestyle particularly regard to consuming risky dishes and drinks. Although I agree that their closest environments such as family and school have a big responsibility to reduce this harmful manner of life, I strongly believe that the government should be involved and be the stakeholder for solving this problem.

At the present time, the sophisticated technology has changed human life in many ways. One of the obvious facts is that most individuals have the instant lifestyle, belong to consume unhealthy cuisines and beverages. In particular, many children have a bad habit in consuming sorts of ready-made meals. As a result, most of them are vulnerable to gain ailments and it is arduous to do their daily activities, such as study and play with their peers.

Basically, this problem is the responsibility of either parents or schools, since they have a vital role to preserve the healthcare of their generations; particularly their mother and father at home have a privilege controlling their children's meal, while the school side must ensure the hygiene of dishes in the canteen. However, the result will not be maximal unless the government takes a part to establish a right policy for reducing this dangerous manner of life. For instance, the Health ministry and the local government in Indonesia have encouraged the license of foods, drinks and cosmetics distribution by built a committee who watch out all of the novel products. Hence, the citizens can consider consuming the licensed goods only.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that to compress the unhealthy lifestyle of the children, parents and schools are the main factors to tackle this phenomenon. However, in my view, if there is not encouragement of the government to relieve this harmful habit then the result will not reach our expectation. The government, parent, and the school must work together to save the young generations.
Mardy17   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / USA Oil Energy Need: Projection Until 2030 [2]

Hai Sir99
Please pay attention to put determiner (THE, A, or AN) on your writing. :)
Several nouns or noun phrases on your writing seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.
1. THE amount =>

...The bar chart illustrates amount of energy resource...

2. THE US =>

... spent in US during 1980-2030...

There were three majority energy resource in US

3. THE FUEL =>

... all of fuel consumption have increased perpetually

Next, be careful using a hyphen (-)

Three fuel-petrol oil, natural gas, and coal-were chosen

the three others fuel-nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower-have experienced

Why must you put the hyphen there? I think it will give different meaning if you put it there, since the words which connected with that mark being one word.

Finally, I find several grammatical error.

and this circumstance has foreseen will be remain in 2030;

"Be" and "Remain" are verbs. Here the alternative to explain it.
and this circumstance IS FORECAST TO REMAIN STABLE in 2030.

Even though there have been a slight fluctuation, those have been regarded will be increase significantly at the last period,

AND AGAIN!! "be" and "Increase"

THANKS A BUNCH
Mardy17   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - DIFFICULTIES TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE [2]

... is the main problem since most of people do not have much ...
MOREOVER There are so many restaurants...

In addition, the development of technology can bring drawback for TO human.

Moreover FORTUNATELY, at the present time, many companies ...
For instance, people tend to purchase THE sport equipment ...
(IN MY OPINION, "MOREOVER" IS UNAPPROPRIATE WORD FOR STARTING YOUR REFUTE SENTENCE )

Therefore, having A healthy body is not as difficult as we think.

To conclude, ... I extremely believe that it brings more problems of AN unhealthy lifestyle.

(PLEASE PAY ATTENTION ON SEVERAL DETERMINER THAT IMPORTANT IN A PHRASE)
The noun phrase healthy body/unhealthy lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it.
Consider adding an article ( A, AN or THE).

Mardy17   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : THE ESSENTIAL SKILL IN JOB AS PER SURVEY [4]

The table chart compares the proportion of communication competencies which are crucial in occupation as per the opinion of respondents on surveys in 1997 and 2007. Overall, it can be analyzed that the sequences of skills from the most important to the lowest in both of survey in 1997 and 2006 remained unchanged. In any case, dealing with people was the most important skills in a job, while conducting presentation was assumed as an unessential expertise in a profession.

To begin, the survey in 1997 reveals that being faced with other people, listening to colleagues, advising for a client, knowing of products and training people were the top five crucial skills which the percentage reached of 60, 38, 36, 35 and 25 percent consecutively. Interestingly, these competencies, based on the survey in 2006, were still in the top five though there was an alteration formation between caring for costumers and knowing of a particular product.

On the other hand, the five remaining skills such as analyzing work together with others, selling a product, persuading others, planning the activities of others, and making a presentation were valued by respondent as the five lowest necessities in job which based on the current study showed that the rates realized at fewer than 26%, while in the oldest survey gained at just under 24%.




Mardy17   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of English and French teachers selection in Ontario according to year of graduation [3]

Hi Nuni, you explain the chart very clear.
I just highlighted a few mistakes :)

... though there was a sharp fall for both jobS in the following year. However ON THE OTHER HAND, ...

Nuni, in my opinion, you use "teacher" word really repeatedly. So, I think it will be better if you look for the synonyms.

Here are the synonym enhancements.
#Educator
#Tutor
#Instructur
Mardy17   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : THE MEDIA AND THE MAIN REPORTS [2]

THE MEDIA PAY TO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE LIVES AND RELATIONSHIP OF CELEBRITIES SUCH AS ACTORS, SINGERS OR FOOTBALLERS. THEY SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME REPORTING THE LIVES OF ORDINARY PEOPLE INSTEAD.

It is true that at these days and ages, majority of the mass media tend to be more attracted exposing the personal life of popular people such as celebrities and sport players as the headline new. Although the information regarding famous ones are quite interesting to be discuss by citizens, I unanimously agree that virtually press media should pay more attention to the phenomenon in local's lives.

As a matter of fact, the source information about the live of outstanding individuals is the inevitable news, since a wide range of inhabitants assume it as a part of world entertainment. For instance, in Indonesia virtually entire TV stations broadcast gossips program every day. And it is still maintained due to have attracted the attention from many viewers. Hence, the reporting as for fame person actually becomes one of the local's entertainments.

However, the news release with regard to the occurrences in local environments should be more encouraged, because to part and parcel, media have a vital role to be the connector or the informant between citizens lives and government activities. For instance, in many regions worldwide, Media have been representative of locals' voices and critics which extended to the government for years. On the other hand, the government can convey the extent of their performance thanks to media.

To conclude, even though news about familiar ones is quite needed as the consolation for many people, I extremely believe that correspondent properly centralize reporting on the occasion in locals' and government's environment.
Mardy17   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - THE PERCENTAGE OF COMMUNICATION ABILITIES [2]

Overall, external interaction skills are WERE more crucial for labors, while, the internal communication showED a reverse.

... dealing with people recorded AS the highest percentage over the period which it reached 60% in 1997 ...

The equal rise is WAS also presented by ...
Next, the lowest percentage is WAS showed by selling a product ...

... the first rank of the essential competences is WAS listening carefully to colleagues.

The second rank is WAS represented instructing or training people. Initially, this proportion is WAS recorded merely one ...

NOTE:
THIS GRAPH SHOWS THE SURVEY DATA IN THE PAST, SO I THINK YOU SHOULD USE PAST TENSE TO DESCRIBE IT.
Good Job dear :) Enjoy your writing