Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Hujjatul19
Name: Mujaddidah
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Nov 15, 2016
Threads: 45
Posts: 70  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 115 / page 2 of 3
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Hujjatul19   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The regular distance of travel using various type of transportation, and measured in miles [3]

Hi Jordan, I have some suggestions for you

First, presenting the question is a need

Overall, it is noticeblenoticeable, that inhabitant preferedpreferred to choose a car rather ...

By 1985, the figure had shown accuratellyaccurately , that the proportion of inhaitandinhabitants walked traveling account ...

be careful of minor mistake like misspelling

To vary the sentences "trip or tour or having journey" can replace 'travelled'

Keep writing. Best regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Walking or Riding a car - people's choice illustrated in the table [2]

Hi Washisha, here is some suggestions for you

... the average length of travelledtravelling per person per ...

... that people preferred to ride a car.

It proved that the number the used of car in 1985 attain to 3.199 miles away.
you may say
It was proved by the distances travelled by car in 1985 attained to 3.199 miles.

Overall, you have a good report.
Keep writing. Best Regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Women read more books than men. The Number of Burnaby Public Library Readers [3]

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The line graph illustrates books read in Burnaby Public Library over 4-years period based on gender. Overall, it can be seen that although both men and women reading books showed an upward trend, an increasing rate was witnessed by them is different.

In 2011, there was a close gap between man and women readers with books read by men at 3000 and 5000 for female. However, three years later, the Burnaby Public Library books read by men rose significantly to 14000 books whereas a less marked increase was shown by the other figure. This leads to a widened gap between them.

In 2012, there were 4000 and 9000 books read by men and women respectively. Between 2012 and 2013, a slight increase was seen the female readers, while man reading book rose significantly to 10,000, making their rate level at the year 2013. In reverse, a sharp slum by 7,000 showed in female rate, whereas a significant growth of 4,000 was seen in males. This leads the male figure to surpass the women readers and reached its peak at the end of the period.




Hujjatul19   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children have to learn how to be a good person as a member of community life [2]

Hi Nuraini, it's a good essay. However, here is some of my thoughts for you.

Some people argue, to teach children become (...) is parents' obligation.

It will make them feel meet with people get communication is common thing.
this sentence is confusing since it contains many verbs. you may say It will make them feel that meeting people to have a communication is a common thing.

However, get networking is not the only one aspect of being a good society member sinceit also includes our attitude,...
All of these aspects are learnt from our children ...
For instance, discipline childrenchildren's discipline is formed when they ...
It is an eat law.

... children learn about know to be a ...

Parents teach them about be ...
Simply, you may say
Parents teach them how to be a good individual in society while how to have a good communication towards others is school's turn.


Keep Writing. Best Regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Appetite for fish and chips in Britain. How much money spent people there? [3]

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.

The bar chart and line graph illustrate the amount of money spent on fast foods classified by citizens' earnings and the number of its consumption during two decades in UK. At a glance, apart from fish and chips, people with high income dominate the number of expenses, meanwhile from 1970 to 1990, two kinds of the fast foods experienced a considerable rise.

With more than 40, hamburger far dominated people's expenditure in high level income, twice higher than the other food. Those earning average only outnumbered the figure for the former in fish and chips at 25, 7 times higher than the amount of money spent by high level earners on some food. Spending the lowest rate on both hamburger and pizza, the low level income showed the same rate of fish and chips as people with high income salary had.

Meantime, for the first decade, fish and chips showed its number of consumption rising steadily to 150 and it rocketed by 350 for the following decade. Similarly, occupying the lowest rate in the first year, hamburger saw an increase of 270. By contrast, over the 20-year period, the trend of pizza fell dramatically to 210. Even though it increased during the last five years, it did not offer a significant difference.




Hujjatul19   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: How satisfied are you with your life? What would make you happiest? [7]

Dear, Nuraini. I have some suggestions for you

... but from 21 to 70 years, they have similar point which is dipped [...] gradually until 71 years.

Firstly, introduction does not need any specific data as what's presented above since the detail one is going to be explained on the following paragraph

.., male happiness is higher at 5,5 point than female's is in 5,3 point.
It decreases steadily and dips in 41-50 years old atto 5,0 point.
... satisfaction increases sharply until reach a ...

... make people happinessy are health and money.
..., they will more happyhappier when they get a large amount of money,

Keep writing. Best regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / It's not enough for company to provide uniform and to be good looking without workers' competence [5]

Hi Anna, it is a nice writing since you have a good ability in presenting your idea. However, I have some suggestion for you

Some companies provides uniform (...) work level while others order todress smartly.

It means that they must usewear formal, clean, ...
... Company requires the camera personscameramen and broadcasting teams use the TV label uniformcompany's outfit for denoting workers' identity.

... news with other TV station, residents will be easyit facilitates residents to indicate where ...

... freed to use other clothes by regulation that it should beas long as it is formal look and ...

... to provide uniform and toin order to be good looking without ...

It is also hard to build good image with well appearance only. It should be supported with high working ability.
Since good image is not only gained from appearance but quality of work as well.

Keep writing. Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today, many people rely on utilizing renewable energy in order to produce electricity [2]

More renewable energy sources are harnessed to generate electricity these days. What are disadvantages and advantages of this trend?

Today, many people rely on utilizing renewable energy in order to produce electricity. While this trend can reduce the number of CO2 released on the atmosphere, such trend also has limited energy production.

It is generally known that a latest method to produce electricity will not contribute to be one of global warming causes. Compared to the unrenewable energy that should be burned first, this energy does not require the technic that hostile environment as it utilizes energy generated by natural resources. A conducted research in United State shows that due to there are many countries that are using this trend, the level of erosion ozone layer decrease 4% during the last 3 semester. Hence, it is clear that by using natural resources, CO2's number that destroy ozone layers are declining.

However, as this is still a developing trend then it only produce less than what conventional system has. The reason for this because renewable energy relies on dynamic weathers that results fickle volume of energy. Besides, there is still lack of experiences how to generate those natural resources that limits people to utilize it well. China has taken advantages through wind power, a national researcher then states that Chinese who live in countryside are still struggling in generating electricity through this method as they have no idea what to do when the wind power ran down. Thus, it proves that this trend still needs to be developed.

In brief, it is a good idea to utilize natural resources besides it can save the earth, it will not be finished as well. However, the disadvantage like small volume production is still faced.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussing on the advantages and disadvantages of online computer games for chilren [3]

Hi mem, here is some suggestions for you

It is generally known that withthrough online computer games...
... online games have ana unique ways for packaging their features ...
... 65% of children who are often playing online games ...

Overall, this essay is discussing about the advantages and disadvantages ...It is better to place this sentence in your introduction rather than inconclusion part

... children ignore their responsibleresponsibility as students.

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Teachers are struggling to give equal attention in a large class [2]

When students are in large classes, it is very hard for the teacher to give every student individual attention. What can educational authorities do about this?

The huge number of students in one class affects them receiving attentions unevenly. Teacher's capacity which is inevitably limited results unequally treatments, thus educational institution should formulate a teaching approach that can cover it like discussion group, besides, advanced facilities like internet access should be utilized.

It goes without saying that educator should have a creative method like making a group when teaching in a big class in order to give fair attention to each student. It is because each child has different need about attention thus teacher should not try to give them same rate but based on their needs. Dividing students into three different categories and getting them individual task exactly ease teacher to give objective attention. UNESCO has conducted research through Finland National School system that frees their teachers to use any kind of approach; so teacher A, for example, has different method when teaching in Daisy class and in Edelweiss class, then it results that there is no students who feel being exiled and the teacher enjoys his teaching time as well. It is true then that a creative teaching method can help teacher to give fair attention during study time.

Moreover, available facilities like using internet in a large class also can be another way to offer sufficient attention for children. The reason for this is that this advanced technology can be used to monitor each student effectively meanwhile, at the same time, each of children also has same right to ask and discus to teacher. Besides, through this tool, teachers are not suffering to think too much about equal attention to be given since they are easily can supervise each student's improvement. South Korea has applied this sophisticated educational system since the last decade and found their teachers are less worried about individual attention in class compared to the past decade. Thus, it is clear that utilizing internet access in a class during study time is completely ease teacher to give fair attention toward children.

In conclusion, attention may not be given equally in term of mathematical value but it depends on individual needs. Thus, creative teaching method and by utilizing internet access are the best way to get students find equal attention.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Unsatisfying salary to accommodate human's necessities is the trigger for working long ours [2]

Hi Bekuk, here is some suggestion for you

These days the labor of worldworld of labor has been different circumstance compared (...) andwhere people decide to ...

... employees complaining their work which (...) look for one more jobs .
... received was very low and evenwhile expensive daily necessity ...
It seems that you are struggling with precise conjunctions and linkers

... because high salary can help them to meet their necessity so ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / People nowadays are highly depending on their mobile phones in every aspect of daily life. [3]

Hi Johnny, It's a nice and a readable writing as well. it has been arranged well and is easy to be understood. Hoewever, here is some suggestions for your writing.

Firtsly, is it IELTS writing task? if so, it would be better to attach the question

As far as I am concerned , when people go on vacation...
In introduction, writer is supposed to state his/her main idea clearly, thus it eases him/her to arrange body 1 & 2
However, I notice that you have presented your idea in body 1 and 2 well

Keep writing. Best regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Contrusting dams to solve one of global warming's impacts [2]

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions.

In 2000s, people witness the increasing sea levels at alert status as one of climate change's impacts. Inhabitants, then, experience flood as the most obvious matter that is being inflicted, thus building dams are the best solution for this phenomenon.

It goes without saying that due to the increasing sea level, wherever citizens go, flood is found. It is a situation when a large amount of water is covering settlement house and it completely interferes inhabitants. Later, it makes inhabitants difficult to do their activities like inability to go everywhere since they are trapped, and/or catching some disease like diarhea, malaria or cold. Reported from Queensland National Hospital, Australia, the number of patients suffering diarhea and malaria are jumping by 30% even when the city has been rained for two days.

However, this serious problem can cope with constructing dam in order to block the large amount of water. This is storage for the plenty of water to get the river flow be good, so there is no more water goes to land. This step in commonly believed as an effective solution as Egypt, New Zealand and Canada have applied it. In Egypt, for example, a dam built across the Nile has worked since 1903 till now to prevent flood.

Overall, global warming which raises sea levels inundates residences and bears problems. Nevertheless, sea barriers are proven to be a long-term solution to solve this phenomenon.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The alteration in the world of job occurs quickly nowadays [3]

Hi Ryan, here is some suggestions for you

Nowadays, most people tends to take more ...

... that the amount of money that the citizens spend increases.
... does not fit with earningssalary they get monthly.

... to cut their outcome so that they can fulfill ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of working children has increased significantly in some developing countries [3]

Hi Giansy,, I have some suggestions for you

... who start working in their childhood have more experience and relation with others. this is your main focus that is going to be explained
suppporting sentences should point to the main idea above.

If student get better preparepreparation from their childhood they ...
Education should be given whensince they were child (...) the right path that they should take as ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / People Tend to Have More Than One Job because of the increasing cost of life [2]

The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future?

These days, workers are found to get themselves involve in a lot of works. Living cost standard that keeps growing triggers people applying more than one job, hence ministries should ban the rising cost without governments' authorization.

It is needless to say that inflation that is pushing up the cost of living becomes the reason why people tend to have multi jobs. Inhabitants are forced to meet the enormous cost because there is no national standard of goods prices in market, thus sellers arbitrarily determine the price of goods. Data from district 11 have shown that during the first semester of 2015, there are 189 civil servants who finally has an online shop account owing to the fact that basic needs costs such as food and clothing sold in markets change rapidly. It is true then that living cost standard holds main roles in work world.

Nevertheless, this matter would not be worried unless stuffs prices have restricted standard formulated by the country. This completely helps inhabitants to manage their finances hence they do not need to take a second job. International researcher states that compared to the past, Franch and German now live prosperous financially since their country has strict regulation for goods prices. Hence, it is clear that through this policy, household need can be fulfilled by one main job.

Overall, the costs changes in market force societies to apply for other new jobs. Menawhile, if ministry makes a strict rule for goods prices standard, there will be no willing to take more than one job anymore as people's needs can be covered by the income of a job.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Online Computer Games can Broaden The Horizon [2]

Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

The trend of online computer games is becoming common among children and being debated by some societies. Some people assume that it is worthwhile as it can be a fun way to acquire knowledge like foreign languages, whereas the rest of them argue the opposite since it makes its users being addicted.

It is commonly thought that through online computer games, people will obtain new knowledge such as culture and language. Since this sophisticated plays are created mostly by other countries and being globally used, so the creators must be function it as a chance to introduce their country. Moreover, owing to the fact that online games are played repeatedly, it is an affective way, then, since it will unintentionally be trapped in users' mind. In China, a current study presents that there are more than a half (59%) of pupils who understand verbal English and Japanese as they are genuine gamers. Thus, it is simply beneficial to play online computer games since while having fun, people also broaden their horizon.

However, it is not a small number of people who often reported that playing online games bears demerits and the most being complained is that it is addictive. This kind of game is considered to drag too much time because it provides many levels of challenges where it makes gamers' curiosity is gradually increasing and leads them to play it over again. Furthermore, people find online computer games are enjoyable because this happens in cyberspace that makes them can interact to other gamers globally. A conducted survey in Japan 2015 shows that there are 76 parents of 100 total interviewee parents admit that their teenagers mostly have their leisure time in front of their computer screen for hours. It is true then that online computer games offer drawback for users.

To conclude, through online computer games, children have their play time while gain knowledge. Even though it has possibility to make users addictive, but parents control can be counted on.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'A family knows the best way for children' - Childcare Centers Vs Family [5]

Hi mem, here is some suggestion for your writing

... try to be professional in performanceperformingof their work and also they have a lot experiences to give good services for children well .

... in childcare centers are succeedsuccessful to teach children.

... in Australian who do not entering their children to childcare ...
It is caused by family members are ...

... to leave children in family members's hands because they ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Moving manufaturers to suburban areas bears demerits [3]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The ministries in some countries are recommending industries and businesses to be relocated in suburb area rather than in rural area. Even though the movements of industries and businesses directed to outskirt area is a good idea to reduce the number of people moving to city. The disadvantage of traffic congestion and flood encountered in the relocation point far outweigh any benefits

It is often said that the order to move industrial and business buildings to suburb area is to draw up the population density in the city. As industries and businesses offers work field, the numbers of citizens who migrate to rural area keep increasing. Besides, Industries like shopping centers also provide entertainments which then attract inhabitants to move in the countryside. South Korea citizens proves it where there are 2,5 million people are habituated to live for a while in Busan or Incheon, beside Seoul as its capital city, in order to work. However, this seems to create another density population in the countryside as more people migrate to this place.

Nevertheless, reallocating industries and businesses out of rural area makes it bears urban areas' common problems such as pollutions and flood. It is because moving those buildings do not only bring themselves but all of the things involved like employees and congestions also move. Likewise, having big number of industrial and business buildings triggers flood because there only a small number of lands that can be functioned as landfills. A lecturer from Al-Azhar University conducted a study that examine the merits and demerits of moving industries from Cairo to Alexandria presents that now Alexandria becomes Cairo's twin. This means that its advantage should more concerned and therefore it outnumbers its benefits

In brief, it is undeniable that through the policy to move manufacturers is one effective way to solve population density in rural area, but this idea bring demerits for outskirt as the movement target. Hence, I believe that this policy has greater drawback than its merit.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: Government regulation to relocate factories and businesses in countryside [3]

Hi Eve, I have some advice for you

... business can increase the amountnumber of products suited (...) but it will add more transportation fee.

I firmly claim that this policy can notcannot settle the prior issue ...

For example, agriculture products decreasinged , inhabitants lose their ...
I fully believe that even though there (...) from both businesses, but it is not ...

To sum up, thethis government regulations might lessen production budget of ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Pediatric care centers offer best service for children [3]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Childcare centers are considered by some parents for their children to be entrusted while they are in busy hours. Some people agree about it while others believe that grandparents' role is much better. Although relatives inevitably educate these children well, I firmly believe that pre-school age children will obtain sociability skill in childcare centers and be educated by perfect services since professional and experienced people are involved.

It is commonly found that there are many working parents out there who bring up their children by relatives' complicity believe that it is not a bad idea as relatives surely will be well-being through the nurture and it relieves parents. It is because parents have experienced it, consequently children growth would be as like them as possible. Besides, using other family members' service does not require high cost which can be used for children's next education needs. Lee Kwang Soo, an educator who teach in 4 renowned schools in Seoul, South Korea, states that children who are being nurtured by their grandparents behave well in school.

Nevertheless, fact proves that it is not a small number of toddlers who spend their days in a playgroup in order to gain sophisticated education system. The reason for this is that there is no doubt that pediatric care centers offers professionals who are accomplished in nursing toddler. Besides, its contemporary method can lead pre-school age children to be well-prepared people facing the world because children naturally learn cognitive skills such as how to adapt with others and how to solve problem with peers. A researcher from University of South Korea studies toward triplets children where Song Dae Han and Song Min Guk are being nursed by their aunt while Song Man Se joins a pediatric care center. The study finds that the latter child is more energetic than the other two who tend to be calmer which means that who is in pediatric care center socialize better and faster compared to them who are nursed by relative .

Moreover, I also assert that there are many childcare centers today who offer both conventional and modern method to nurse children. It is because people still believe that the way our ancestor raise children have many merits indeed. Thus, it can make children be better then.

Overall, it is a good idea to have relatives' role in nursing children since their parents have busy days, but it would be great for children to be explored their skills while they are being nurtured as what is offered by pediatric care centers.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many countries are allowed children to work in particular areas [4]

Hi Mem, I have some advice for you

It is believed that many experiences that children can get many experiences in their working areas ...

The reason for this is that theychildren meet a lot of (...), and theythose co-workers can bring a good ... Possessive pronouns are confusing

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some parents believe that the best treatment for children is bringing them to the childcare centre [3]

Hi Ryan, I have some suggestion for you

This is because childcare centre has been a lot of experience for nurtureing children.

... designed aims to attractive children for playing (...) from teacher in there .

... than childcare centre fortoaccompanysupervisedaily activity their children's daily activity .

... is that family arehas low respect to childcare,...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Smokers should leave building to enjoy their cigerettes [2]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

A regulation to smoke out of public areas has been applied in some countries. I am a firm believer through this statement because this kind of activity causes unhealthy surroundings and accustoms a good attitude for smokers as well.

It is often said that this irritating habit is prone to create unhealthy air. The reason for this is because cigarette bears many bad chemicals that it does pollute the environment. Besides, it also harms people who inhale its smoke. Medical officials' records say that there are many citizens suffer serious disease due to become passive smokers. Thus, it is a good trend not to let smokers inhale cigarette in buildings.

Moreover, pulling on cigarette out of public spaces is sensible way to meet the right between the smokers and people who do not. It leads smokers to have a big respect toward other people who do not smoke and vice versa, creating the harmony between them. Besides, while this policy would lessen the number of passive smokers, it also directs the smokers to leave this habit gradually as the place where they can smoke restricted. In some supermarkets, for example, it is now rarely found people who argue each other because of cigarette's smoke as smokers has special place to enjoy their cigarettes.

To conclude, besides to maintain fresh air in enclosed places, this regulation must be an effective way to create good habit for smokers to respect people who do not smoke. Moreover, through this policy, there will be a reducing number of passive smokers as an additional benefit.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 :THE WHOLE WORK CONDITION IS CHANGING TODAY [3]

Hi Eve, here is some advice for you

... changing today compared to several years bygone.

... economical way is a solution which can... get used to put an article

... that the salary of the employees received in every month cannot ...
A current study carried out in a university of New York ...
... why people are more likely to gotake part-time job .

... solve this phenomenon is by living in providently way.
... money for emergency neededs such as children ...
Even thought, some workers argue that it is not easy (...) the way of life, but in my opinion ... the pattern is Even though S + V (comma) S + V

... search for another job is higher all basic necessities or accommodation. better if is because the basic necessities costs keep rising

Best regards.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'They are not ready psychologically'. Writing Task II; Children are Encouraged to Have Paid Work [4]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been commonly known that some countries encourage children to work. Some people find it is completely useful, while others believe that children have not had a responsibility to work. Even though they will gain priceless experiences through paid work, I believe that psychologically they have not been ready yet to face work world indeed and should obtain more knowledge from school.

It cannot be denied that having worth experiences become another additional point for children who have worked. Owing to the fact that the more extra-activities they join, the better person they will be, it makes them gain many kinds of skills such as sociability, problem-solving skill and/or being a good time manager. For instance, children who help their neighbor selling goods in a market and earning money definitely have many conversations with new people more than ordinary children have.

However, children should get their right to gain knowledge in institutional education as it is their golden age. Studying in early age involves long term memory which is absolutely good for children's future. Besides, live lessons also are gotten in school, they are not only studying a subject but working together, taking responsible, making friends, learning attitudes and having self-reliance are also obtained. A conducted research held by an NGO finds that people who spend their childhood by studying in school are more likely to be ready to face adult's life. It then, illustrates how important taking school in early age.

Moreover, I also claim that they are not mature enough to face the hardness of working atmosphere. Taking a job in that age must be difficult to engage with the stuffs as those young people are in charge to play. Then if they have to work in a car wash, for example, they must have less experience which results children got anger by the boss. Thus it can affect them to become introvert.

To recapitulate, even though encouraging young people to work in their golden age in order to have valuable experiences is a good idea, but as long as educational institution offers them to have other more worthwhile experiences there is no reason for them to have a job then.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary, Draw your future by Patty Dobrowolski [2]

Hi Cachaaaaaaaa, it's a nice and valuable writing then. However, I have some suggestions for you.

All you need to do is drawing; even if you do not know ...
... and your life will be ??? (what is going to be?) then put on the colours ...
..., picture and you feel to be hypnotized to do something better, ...
..., thus you need to see your picture of your currently conditionyour current condition picture and sent the critics ...

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Money is the only reason why people rely on a same company for a long time [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?
It cannot be denied that the main reason why workers work and stay for ages in a company is to earn much money. This essay would firmly disagree about this idea since co-workers as whom they work with and the atmosphere at workplace also hold big role in it.

Workmen would stay within years in one company due to the fact that they have made a close relationship with the colleagues. As social beings, workers agree that having a break with fellows that they are comfortable with becomes other reason why they still work at the same workplace. It is a burden to build a new other relation when workers have to move to another company. A conducted research that has been done on a cosmetic company in Korea two years ago proves that the huge numbers of employees are loyal to their company because of their colleagues' roles. Thus, it is not true that income is the only one factor that makes workers stay longer.

Furthermore, the situation in a workplace also has pivotal influence on how long employees work in a company. Having a pleasant atmosphere could determine the working quality of employees. Since people who work must have busy hours, the company's atmosphere could relax and refresh them. A writer or an illustrator in a magazine company, for example, needs to meet a quite quiet or even a fun atmosphere in their company. Therefore, money is just one of many factors that encourage workers to stay for couple years in the same company.

To sum up, being a loyal employee for a company does not always be determined by the amount of salary. Other factors such as works fellows and the atmosphere in the office can make workers cozy to work longer.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes? [4]

Hi debby. What a readable writing.
However, I guess your Body 2 needs more explaination in order to support your topic sentence. It would be better to present the reason(s) why some people think that nuclear is beneficial?

... is a chance to expantd nuclear technology, I (...) human and environ ment in line. P

Best regards
Hujjatul19   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Result of the survey on workmen's relations with the chiefs and colleagues [2]

The given pie charts provide information about the percentage of the workmen's relations with the chiefs and colleagues. The surveys is conducted in 2005 and 2009. Overall, it is seen that working men tend to maintain very good relationship to their leaders and colleagues.

The data presents that in 2005, there were 61% workmen stated that their relation with their boss was completely good and so was with their co-workers which took 63%. Meanwhile, 26% and 28% of workers felt that they kept a good relationship with leaders and colleagues respectively. Then, the rest of the percentage showed that workers had fair or even poor relationship with them.

Besides, the next four years, the survey's result have no significant difference. Employees keep their relationship with supervisors and co-workers on very good level, where there were 65% of workers had it with their boss and 70% kept it with their colleagues. Next, 22% of working men were having a good relation to their leaders and 25% of work men owned a good link to their co-workers. A poor and fair relations, that were addressed to supervisors and co-workers, took only less than 10%.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARYS The colorful propaganda maps in 20 century wars [4]

Hi bams, I have some advice for you.

Maps is made to persuade (...) times were funn y, attractive and informative.
.., every maps has hidden agenda, (...) that war is must have an object is needed here since "have" is a transitive verb and they has common enemies. For the example, war map of Rusia created ...

Best regard
Hujjatul19   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary- A New Way to Heal Hearts without Surgery [2]

Hi fauziyah, here is some suggestions for your writing in order to improve it.

This phenomenon is caused by prematurity ...

This method wasis a success but it doesn't work ... thought it is fact, it should be simple present time

Best regard
Hujjatul19   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Being a workman or student? Graduates are easy to find in coffee shops, boutiques or other companies [2]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.

Discuss what the advantages and advantages might be for people who do this.

In today's world, many students who are freshly graduated from a senior high school are found easily in a coffee shop or boutiqe or other companies. However, it is not less students who continue their study to a university right after their graduation. Which one is the best choice?

For me, it is obvious that there are two main advantages for students to work before being a university students. The first one is they must have experiences that cannot get from formal institution such as how to be a good employee and colleague, how to deal with new societies , what manner to be shown when meet the boss and how to overcome any demanded works. A further positive point is they might be more responsible and wiser to use and spend money. It is because they experience the challenges in earning money.

On the other hand, being a workman after 12-year formal school is completed might cause them to have less desire to take class formally. It is because they have witnessed the joy of work with personal income. Besides, age becomes a matter also. Spending a few years handling a job means they will not meet their counterparts in a same class when in college. Then, in some times, lack of intent would appear because of it.

To conclude, deciding to be a university student after finishing study at school is better than to be a working man. I am a firm believer that individual who get higher education would be hired a better job.
Hujjatul19   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many benefits of taking up a job before starting to attend a university, but also a few drawbacks [8]

Hi ryan, It's a nice essay but here is some thoughts for you

Some people believe that rising generation after graduated from school to pick up a job ...this clause need a verb.

it is better to give readers a short breath when read a sentence. As an alternative, You can make the sentence above into two sentences

Turning to the benefit of geting a job (...) prepare some skill s and to earn much money.

... to prepare before going to university such as finding a job to fill their leisure ...

Best regard
Hujjatul19   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Communication skills and your performance at a work place [2]

The table below gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The table presented illustrates the percentage of two conducted surveys in 1997 and 2006 about the significant level of communication skills in work place. The skills are grouped into external communication and internal communication. At a glance, it can be seen obviously that both of trends witnessed a dramatical increase.

The data shows that internal communication skills saw a considerable rise to 10 percent in instructing or training people. Then, persuading or influencing others skill went up to 21% from 16%. Moreover, the ability of making speeches or presentations climbed by 4 percent. The next three skills; analysing problems together with others, planning the activities of others and listening carefully to colleagues as well experienced an increase of 6%, 1%, and 9% respectively.

Furthermore, the other communication skills (external communication skills) have no significant difference in its change. All of the external communication skills improved unless the ability to sell a product or service. The latter skill dipped by 3%. Meanwhile, knowledge of particular products or services and advising or caring for cutomers or clients and dealing with people witnessed a rise of 6%, 3%, and 5% respectively.





Do You Need
Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳