Scholarship / English Learning during Covid-19 and ESP for Young Adults - TESOL Master Degree Essay (AAS) [2]

The paragraph about the pandemic should be worked into the motivation for your desire to complete the masters program. It should not be separate in the presentation because, when done that way, it tends to confuse the reviewer as it seems to be a separate discussion that you suddenly decided to throw into the essay. You should blend it into the presentation as the real motivation for your studies as this has a direct impact on your career. It should be the priority motivation.

Separate the discussion for each university. Give each its own paragraph so as not to confuse the reviewer. Never blend the reasons for university choices. Indicate your first and second university choices and reasons for each. In individual paragraphs for clarity purposes.

Scholarship / 2021 GKS Graduate Personal Statement: International Business Major [2]


- Talk more about your family background. Introduce your parents to the reviewer. Let him / her get to know your family based on the character, conduct, and work ethics of your parents and how they have inspired you to become a better person / professional.

You can remove the reference to your first time entering the workplace. It is the paragraph after that which is more relevant. You have failed to discuss your extra curricular activities and significant experiences. The work experience is too shallow for this application to make you a contender. You are performing secretarial work more or less, which does not really tie in with your interest in International Business. You need to show a relationship between your work experience and your interest in this course. I do not believe you have any international experience of relevance and that can really pose a problem for your application.

Writing Feedback / From a long time psychologists claim that colors can affect people's feelings. IELTS 2 [3]

There are 2 questions that need a response representation in your thesis section. You responded to the first one, regarding the truth of the statement, but failed to represent a topic response regarding the degree of influence that color has on people's worth ethic and health. For a clear representation of your opinion, you should present 2 sentences that are composed of the topics you plan to discuss in the reasoning paragraphs. Doing so will increase your TA score as you create a complete thesis presentation for that section.

The first reasoning paragraph does not relate to the colors in its presentation. Therefore, the response is incorrect. The second reason, in relation to hospitals makes sense and is acceptable as a supporting discussion based on your reason. However, you do not give a true measure as to how little the color scheme affects the said subjects. If it does not influence the workplace, then explain why, the same way that you did for the hospital discussion.

Writing Feedback / Traffic jams and traffic accidents are big problems in Vietnam [2]

This is a 4 paragraph essay that utilizes only 2 reasoning paragraphs. One for the causes and one for the solutions. You are not using the proper format for the discussion and, you are wasting valuable editing time by writing more than 2 reasoning paragraphs. Your thesis statement is not clear. It does not tell me exactly what topics you will be discussing based on the subjects. You only imply a discussion, which does not help to pre-summarize your discussion presentation.

Avoid exaggerated presentations. It is acceptable for you to refer to the topic as concerning, but not as controversial as there is no reference to such a situation in the original presentation. Examiners do not like it when students exaggerate the topic presentation because it often leads to misdirected discussion points in the reasoning paragraphs.

You also cannot use 3 punctuation marks successively in a sentence. That is going to severely reduce your GRA score due to your obvious lack of grammar and punctuation usage.

Writing Feedback / The potential damage for children when they are overusing computers. Write 250words [3]

You have a tendency to provide a generalized rather than focused thesis statement. A general thesis statement, one that does not offer your discussion topics, will not help your TA score because you are not offering a short form of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. You have also repeated the same errors as you had in your previous essay. It is important that you do not keep writing essays without waiting for the reviews. Doing so wastes your time (due to repeated errors and no lessons learned) and my time (due to repeated advice given). As such, this tells me that you only want to write the essays, but not really be told what to correct because you do not care to wait for writing corrections.

Letters / Letter of Intent for undergrad Turkey Burslari scholarship application - Computer science degree [3]

A sincere and serious applicant will never reuse an old essay, reformat an old essay, or try to pass off an old essay a new one. If you have previously used this essay, and the scholarship committee decides to check it for plagiarism, then your previous work will be found online or, in their files. If you do not have any new, pertinent information to present, which will make you an improved candidate for the scholarship, then do not apply at all. You may mention, as a part of the full transparency aspect of the application that you were a previous applicant who did not get the scholarship. However, your situation has improved since then, and you want to call their attention to these changes under this new application. Refer as little as possible to your old essay because the reviewers are more interested in your improved skills and information, not what you were in the past. Think about it, if you failed to get the scholarship the last time using that information, why do you think you can use it again now for the same application? What makes you think that information will help you this time around?

Scholarship / Sports science - Personal statement for KGSP-G (2021) [2]

The motivational questions you are using in this essay are very shallow and basic. These do not represent a strong academic and professional reason for you to pursue such a prestigious scholarship overseas. These sound more like the questions someone who is considering his undergraduate course options would be asking himself. These are not the motivational points that would increase your profile as an applicant. Your relevant training is acceptable. However, these do not seem to have a professional relevance since these are just undergraduate training experiences. If you can expand on your professional experience as:

- a motivating factor
- event that influenced your decision to apply overseas for a scholarship
- any risks you might have taken as a professional
- motivation to choose studying in Korea rather than your home country

To name but a few considerations, you should be able to revise the essay into a more relevant and useful presentation.

Scholarship / Personal Statement For KGSP Graduate Program 2021 - Master's Degree in Psychology [3]

Your information, experience, and reference to activities and interests would make you a more qualified candidate for the CSC ( China Scholarship Council) under the Chinese Government Scholarship (CGS) rather than the GKS. Perhaps you should be applying for the other scholarship instead? Your credentials make you a more competitive candidate for the CGS rather than the GKS. Always align your skills and experiences, along with your life interests, with the correct scholarship program. Otherwise, your application becomes a question of "Why GKS over CGS" in the minds of the reviewers. Aside from that, the essay only requires editing and proof reading for clarity and presentation format. Something that you can contact me privately to do for you.

Scholarship / eCommerce - Goal of study and detailed study plan - you in advance wish you all the best [3]

The essay only covers the goal of your study. It does not explain the study plan that you envision for yourself as a student. Your first paragraph is way too long, without actually focusing on the goal of your studies. That first paragraph is mostly a motivational statement that would be better utilized in the statement of purpose than the goal of study and study plan presentation. The last 2 paragraphs can be moved to your new essay response. Just delete the first paragraph and then make sure to write a convincing study plan during your time in Korea. Don't forget that you should also be addressing your language study plan in the presentation. That is definitely missing in totality in this current presentation. So you have to revise the essay to show 2 missing elements:

- Language study
- Study plan

Scholarship / Essay 1 - examples of the benefits that the GOI-IES would provide me [2]

The professional aspect does not have a convincing motivation for your application. The reason for your desire to receive the scholarship should reflect your career interests and plans for the future. Right now, that listing is very shallow and does not really inform the reviewer in a manner that would help boost the profile of your application.

Why do you want to report about Brazil in the Irish press? What image do the Irish have of Brazilians? Is it imperative that this image be changed? Why? How will your articles promote cross cultural relationships and bilateral considerations between the two countries? By using the outline format, you are really limiting the relationship between your discussion points. It would be better if you could discuss these in paragraph form, using discussion points that would help create a cohesive discussion of the prompt discussion points.

Scholarship / Japan - An event has that influenced you - STUDENT EXCHANGE PROGRAM [3]

You should not be describing the before aspect in such a great detail. Instead, you should be focusing on the "during" experience. The prompt is asking for an explanation regarding how this experience managed to influence you for the better. I saw a gloss over in the presentation, a simple discussion that doesn't really reflect the positive changes that occurred during your stay in Japan. While the orientation camps are a good reference, your time actually spent adjusting to life in Japan is what matters the most as it is that experience which requires you to present how you matured as a person and developed new skills for your personal, social, and moral betterment.

Writing Feedback / fossil fuels are the main sources of energy,alternative energy should be encouraged for used [2]

The original prompt for this essay asks if you think this is a positive or negative development. Since your response is that you partly agree with the issue, the response format, as you have provided, is incorrect. You have given a measured response to the prompt when the discussion instruction / question does not require such an answer. Therefore, your TA score will start at a failing level due to your unrelated response to the prompt. Now, since you did not properly respond to the question, which is a one sided opinion discussion, the essay cannot receive a passing score. Once your response format for the TA section is incorrect, the rest of the discussion paragraphs are incorrect as well. So you cannot expect to get a passing score with this type of presentation because:

- You failed to use the correct response format to the question;
- Your discussion presentation uses the comparative format when the discussion requires a single opinion explanation
- You clearly showed the examiner that you did not understand the original prompt topic, question, and discussion instruction

We have sample essay responses to this prompt listed in the Similar Threads section. I suggest that you read those essays to gain a better understanding of how to approach this type of prompt question.

Scholarship / Motivation Letter for Scholarship from a final-year chemical engineering student [3]

Focus your response on the movements of your country to focus on developing lithium raw materials for electric cars. Always focus on the immediate response rather than a lengthy introduction. Just because you have a 2000 word allowance does not mean you need to bore the reviewer with an extremely long, but often irrelevant response. He needs you to be quick, on point, and informative in every paragraph. Do not create an unnecessarily long presentation. That is not going to gain you point and will only result in the reviewer deciding to stop reviewing your essay after a paragraph or so. You want him to read it till the very end and you can only do that by holding his interest through informative and focused paragraph presentations.

You can skip the first paragraph and just integrate the Indonesia based information into the second paragraph. That is where the actual discussion begins anyway. Not only will it shorten the essay, but it will also provide immediate and relevant information that will make the reviewer continue reading your application letter.


- And learned what? How did that chat influence your decision? That is a more relevant response than what you learned on your own since you spoke directly to an alumna of the program whose name may just carry influence, provided she will also be recommending you for the scholarship.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays many ecosystems in the world are experiencing problems [2]


- Whose extinction? What is this discussion about? What is the purpose of this essay? The original prompt is not properly restated. You have left the reader confused as to what the whole point of this discussion is and what the discussion topics are. The discussion instruction is unclear. You have a tremendously faulty prompt restatement that, I am afraid, cannot help you get a passing score.

The conclusion you have written is less than the suggested 40 word summary. It failed to restate the prompt, discussion instructions, and reasoning provided in a manner that offered a proper summary review of the discussion. Without the original prompt, which you should have provided, I cannot tell what else is wrong with your work. However, I am confident that the work you have provided is going to have a difficult time getting a passing score due to the inaccuracies I have mentioned. As a proper restatement of the original prompt, this essay failed to accomplish its task.

Scholarship / Workforce Competency Development through TESOL (Australia Award Scholarship) [2]

The information you provide as an introduction is specific to only your country. You make it appear as if that is information that applies internationally. Do not mislead the reviewer. Make sure that you are country specific in referring to this information. While it is a good reason for the basis of your chosen courses in general, you should avoid over generalization in your presentation. Rather, introduce that program in summary form, then use specifics as the reason for the courses you chose in each university. That way the skills development you are discussing will have a specific program application, making your professional reasons for choosing the universities and courses much more stronger than simply as a general reference point.

Scholarship / Short essay about Heuristics (Questbridge College Prep Scholars Program) 1st prompt [2]

If you are really confident that you wish to be a Cognitive Science student, then you should not be afraid to get personal in the discussion. An apprehension when it comes to the personal reasons for the course means there is a part of you that is not certain of this choice. Consider discussing Psychology in general at the start. Maybe you will be able to create a channel that will connect the two related fields by doing so. Do not try to be too deeply intellectual in the presentation. That could be another reason that you are getting blocked from a personal presentation. Just keep things simple. Don't try to impress the reviewer with the first essay. That should happen over a series of connected essay prompts.

Writing Feedback / Museums and art galleries are not needed today, because of technology [3]

Do not say that something is undeniable in the prompt restatement. Never offer an opinion that is unrelated to the discussion requirements as you are offering a truthful insight, trying to convince the reader of the truth behind your opinion, when it is not required of you in the instructions. Just follow the basic writing instructions provided to you. The response you gave is incorrect as you gave a measured response of partial agreement, which is meant for an extent essay. The original prompt only requires you to choose between one of the opinions. Either you agree or disagree. Now, these are the reasons why this essay is most likely to fail in an actual setting:

- Offering information not included in the original prompt
- Irrelevant discussion response
- Incorrect discussion format (reasoning paragraphs)
- Other GRA, LR and C&C errors in the presentation

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES WHEN MOVING TO NEW PLACES AND STRATEGIES [2]

Yes, you wrote it within 40 minutes. However, you are still over explaining and using useless sentences that do not help move your explanations forward. You do not need to over extend each paragraph introduction. You need only topic sentences to kick off the discussion. The examiner is looking for your clarity of explanation within quick responses. Short but concise. Similar to writing an exam in a classroom setting. You should not over analyze and over discuss. The essay needs to focus on producing less writing errors such as in referencing the race of people, plural v. singular presentations, and proper sentence structures. It is not enough that you wrote a lot in 40 minutes. You have to write with the least number of errors within 40 minutes. That is the only way to assure yourself of a higher than passing score.

Writing Feedback / iELTS essay about the internet which has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years [4]

There is a severe shortage in the word count for this essay. Presenting only 218 out of the required 250 words will definitely prevent you from getting a passing score once the overall deductions are completed in the final tally. Your essay is definitely under developed and under discussed. The thoughts are not clearly explained and lacks in proper example references. The short paragraphs are the main problem in your presentation. Do not rely on run on sentences to get you through the essay. Those will always end up costing your GRA deductions. If you can manage to stick to 5 sentences per paragraph, you will be able to meet most of the prompt formatting requirements, with a better focus on the LR, GRA, plus C&C scoring requirements.

Graduate / Anesthesiologist Assistant Program Personal Statement: Experience with Healthcare Disparities? [2]

I can understand how your father's illness would have opened your mind to considering a career in healthcare. However, I do not see how his illness would have contributed to your interest in becoming an AA. You should always try to connect your personal interest with the career you have chosen. That means, your father's illness should serve as the catalyst for your interest in healthcare, while also opening you eyes to the importance of the AA in treating patients. The latter part of this essay in reference to AA sounds more like you took it out a textbook definition rather than a personal insight.

Writing Feedback / Going to school or homeschooling [5]

Based on the prompt for this essay, there should not be a disadvantage discussion because you are asked to discuss the advantages for each method and then, offer your opinion as to which type of study you support and why. When you do not provide the correct discussion format, such as in this case, you will only receive a score for the section that applies to the prompt discussion instruction and your supporting opinion explanation. When that is done, word deductions are placed due to the existence of an unrelated paragraph. Since you only wrote 255 words, your final essay presentation will be far less than the 250 minimum. Resulting in a failing TA score without even adding other TA errors on your part. Then, there are the other errors present in the essay related to the scoring considerations. Once totaled, you will not be able to receive a passing score. By the way, I have to call you out in the misuse of punctuation marks. You can only use one punctuation mark as a time. You cannot use that successively as you did with the comma and ellipses. That will definitely result in an additional failing TA score due to improper sentence structure and lack of familiarity with English punctuation mark usage.

Graduate / Why becoming a GOI-IES Scholar matters to you, what you'll gain from this scholarship? [2]

This is actually an ordinary essay that does not have any stand out points or references that could catch the attention of the reviewer. Neither does it have points of memorable reference. The writing is not memorable at all. It is too common and general in information presentation. It is important that you use reference points and responses that focus on heightening your personal, professional, and bilateral relationships based on specific standing and reference points. Think of information about you on a personal and professional basis that might impress the reviewer. Discuss the currwnt bilateral relations of the countries with a specific focus on your field of study or profession that you hope to build upon to improve the relationship between nations and, on a personal level, of its citizens.

Scholarship / Gender Gaps in the Workplace (AAS Supporting Statement) [3]

Believe me when I tell you that the reviewers this year are Covid-19 saturated. Every applicant has been using that topic and forcing a relation to their application response to it. As if Covid - 19 is the only valid reason to try and accomplish or have something influenced these days. They are tired of that constant reference, that constant reason, that common topic. It no longer helps an application to build a statement around that because it is already a run of the mill excuse / topic. Use of personal reasons, the topics that do not relate to the pandemic and shows a clear interest, rather than just jumping on the bandwagon on the applicant's part is what makes an impression these days. By using only the combined course and university reference paragraphs, you have managed to create an interesting discussion of the course and proposed institution. What you need, it a more impressive, more personal, more multi-dimensional presentation of your interest in the career path. Right now, you lack that impressive opening paragraph. There is no interesting hook, only a tired Covid - 19 reference that is not really connected to the interests that you have. Focus on Work from Home, consider the return to work in an office space scenario for your opening statement. Show that you know there will be a new normal in the workplace and that you are preparing for that instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Discussion - The effects of international tourism to local countries [2]

Good work on the 2 restatement sentences. You covered the interpretation excellently. However, the need for the thesis statement is required. The thesis statement, one reason for each discussion + your opinion would have created a clear discussion path and personal opinion thesis for the presentation. Do not waste the word count with filler phrases like "To commence with" and "On the contradistinction". You get better scores by using a clear topic sentence in each paragraph as it shows a clear discussion path for the paragraph going forward. It allows the examiner to expect the discussion content with a clear reference to the original prompt discussion requirements.

I realize that you want to impress the examiner by using complicated English words such as "contradistinction". However, when the word you use is only impressive, but not really fitting in the presentation, then the LR score is affected negatively. You can use ordinary, everyday English words and still get an impressive LR score. The word you use has to sound natural. It needs to show that you are familiar with the English language. Not that you know how to use a thesaurus or a dictionary. Do not be out to impress, be out to score well. Simple word references are not a bad thing, specially in this type of test.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows UK acid rain emissions, measured in million tonnes from four different sectors [5]

Too many words. 205 words is geared towards the completion of a Task 2 essay. You should only write about 175-200 words for a better task 1 scoring potential. Your summary overview has a unique take on the information presentation. It shows that you know what exactly is included in the summary overview, and how to present it in an interesting manner to the reader. However, the most impressive trending statement was in the "overall" sentence. The "enormous change" reference isn't as impressive because there were no measurements given. To avoid having to present measurements for that sentence, it should have been better integrated into the "overall" presentation.

For comparison purposes, you may want to consider presenting the overlapping information, of which there are several in this graph. That will show a clear analysis of the presentation and, that you considered all possible discussion aspects and information presentation for this line graph.

Undergraduate / Business Management course - STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR UNIVERSITY PROGRAM AND SCHOLARSHIP [3]

The statement of purpose does include your future professional, not study, plan, based on a presentation of your undergraduate accomplishments, achievements, and research interests. Your professional plans should relate back to your educational background, past and current work experience (research activities if required), and how these have led you to the door of your current interest in this masters course. It should also indicate why you have chosen a particular university (if needed). I do not get a sense of these preparations in your SOP discussion. Since you did not provide me with the prompt requirements as provided by the scholarship program, I am not sure about assessing these information you provided for relevance. It sounds to me like you just guessed as to what information you should be presenting. That should not be the case for the SOP. If no guide topics were provided, you can use the references I gave above for the writing of your new SOP.

Writing Feedback / An argument about whether the country should be the host for a worldwide sports event or not [3]


- There is no reference to an argument in the presentation. There is however, a reference to an exchange of ideas or discussion. Do not make exaggerate claims not supported by the original presentation.


- Improper thesis presentation. This presentation does not align itself with the original comparative discussion + personal opinion prompt
- TA failure due to incorrect response formatting and a response not related to the task

The overall essay only presents your personal discussion, which means that you have changed this from comparative to a totally different essay discussion. The format you decided to respond in, is based on the A/D format rather than the comparative essay format. So the response is incorrect in totality. You were being asked to compare the 2 opinions, which you did not do in a public point of view reference, hence the error in response presentation. You have only a personal opinion presented throughout. This is a 5 paragraph essay, you only wrote 4. There is no clear:

- Paragraph in support based on public knowledge
- Paragraph in opposition based on public knowledge

The personal opinion is not fully developed as there are 2 supporting ideas in the same paragraph. You need only 1 personal opinion topic in this presentation to establish a clear opinion based on personal knowledge.

Writing Feedback / Usage of margarine, butter, low fat and reduced spreads - IELTS TEST [2]


- Ending when? The information is incomplete. The summary must include the start and end date of the measurement chart. Otherwise, the information presented is incomplete. It is only a year you have to include, always include it. The reader needs to be told when it ended. They should not be expected to compute it for you. They will lose their train of thought and be stressed by the information presented. By the way, you forgot to include the reference to the measurements used in the summary (grams). That is part of the short information presentation requirement and adds to your TA score.

I am not sure where you got the information about putting these spreads on bread. There is no indicator of that in the image presented. If no reference to such was made in the original image, then you should not be providing such inaccurate information to the reader. Keep the reference general because that is what you need to present, no added information that will alter the accuracy of your report. If it was included in the original prompt, then you should have included the original prompt with the image for my reference.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 - Safety condition of endangered plants and their different living places [2]

For starters, you are not writing enough words to merit a high TA score. While the minimum word count is 150, you should be writing anywhere from 175-200 words to assist in boosting your overall scoring consideration. The increased word count will help increase your LR, C&C, and GRA scores.You are averaging 2 sentences per paragraph. Write at least 5 sentences per paragraph to boost your score in the scoring section.

Your LR also shows a problem. You are using words you do not understand the meaning of. For example:

Commerce - an interchange of goods or commodities, especially on a large scale between different countries; social relations, especially the exchange of views, attitudes, etc.

Commence - to begin; start.

It is the latter word you want to use in the presentation.

The summary presentation is not really complete. It lacks the outline or enumeration of the threatened species and a trending statement for each image. As such, the summary accuracy is not going to help you get a better TA score. These are the most likely reasons why your score never goes higher than a simple passing mark. Improve on these points and your score is sure to get a consideration boost.

Writing Feedback / Discuss both views: joining university or leave school to get a job [4]

Good work in avoiding the presentation of a personal opinion at the start of the essay. Bad job in posing a rhetorical question in the concluding paragraph. While you did not make a decision for the student, you did open up a second line of discussion in the concluding paragraph rather than a summary of the discussion. There was no need for the rhetorical question as the discussion was supposed to be close in that paragraph. Never pose question in the concluding discussion. That is unnecessary. Just repeat the topic as a statement, which is what you are supposed to be presenting in that section.

Scholarship / STUNED ESSAY. MSc of International Land and Water Management at WUR [3]

The first sentence of the first paragraph is just redundant. The second sentence offered a better hook to the reader. Your core competency considerations should have been immediately presented to help the reviewer get a better idea or a summarized reference of what your professional goals are and how it may be applied to your field of interest. The first paragraph could have been shorter and more focused in presentation.

The second paragraph became a redundancy in the presentation due to the over informed first paragraph. The second paragraph had more clarity, direction, and relevance to the prompts provided. Offering all information in an essay, when you may run the risk of redundancy should be avoided, repeated information, no matter how unintentional in presentation does not help the essay move forward.


- Who is establishing it and why?


- Show don't tell. What evidence can you refer to that will help validate this claim? Do not make the reviewer look for the evidence, present it as a part of the discussion. He doesn't have the time to review your credentials just because you told him you have those credentials in your records.


- This should have been the secondary focus of your qualification for your scholarship. It should not have been a mentioned after thought, it should have been expanded to include the reasons you were approved for that scholarship, what the results were for you, and how you applied what you learned. These would have tied in your previous scholarship accomplishments into the new application as qualifying reasons.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 - the oil production and consumption in China between 1982 to 2006 [2]

You still have room to make the report more informative. You have only written 169 words. The target word count, for a full potential scoring consideration, is 175 - 200 words. While you did write more than the minimum 150, that does not mean that you met the requirements for a higher scoring essay. There are still points for improvement in this presentation . Please note my observations below:

Par. 1 - Summary overview
- type of measurement used (millions of barrels per day)

Par. 2: 1st Reasoning paragraph
-You should skip saying "As can be observed from the chart" because the idea is the reader cannot see the image. You need to build the image through the data reporting. Skipping this sentence and simply stating the information directly would have helped create a better mental picture of your report.

Par. 3: 2nd Reasoning Paragraph
- Before you report on the peak, you have to indicate the starting demand rate first. The report is incomplete when you give only the peak without a reference to the low point first. The same goes for the minimal and moderate growth, the measurement digits are provided in the image, use it. That is why you were supplied with the information.

Undergraduate / First time I wrote an essay - Questbridge: An experience that caused you to change your perspective [2]

It is not a "poor me" essay. Rather, it is a self-analysis that shows the reviewer how far you have come in terms of realizing your academic potential. Your ability to analyze that not everything has to be perfect and that it is alright to fail yourself once in a while, indicates an emotional maturity that should be developed in incoming college freshmen. It is a pretty good response statement. You effectively showed where you came from and where you are headed from there. Changing your perspective about your life accomplishments and how these are achieved on your part is an unusual response to this statement. It works because of the topic you chose to discuss.

Writing Feedback / New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers [3]

391 words is considered over writing in a task 2 essay. It shows that you are focused only on writing, but not on the clarity of the meaning you hope to provide in the discussion. It tells the examiner that you did not care about writing an essay with limited errors in the overall presentation. You hope to overcome the errors through an extremely long essay, which did the exact opposite. It forced you to make errors that you were not able to correct because you simply did not have enough time to do that due to the number of words that you wrote.

Keep it simple. No more than 5 sentences per paragraph. Give a quick and clear explanation. You are not writing an article for publication. You don't have to overdo the writing task. Just do enough to make sure that you pass the test. That is done by limiting your presentation to 275-300 words.

You did not even manage to respond properly to the question provided. This is an extent essay. So, where is the measured response? You wrote this as a simple agree or disagree essay when it should have been "to a certain extent" based on 2 reasons of your choice. There is no thesis statement included in the prompt restatement. Which is a requirement for the task completion. Simply sating you will amplify an argument with evidence doesn't tell the reviewer a summary of the upcoming discussion. So your opinion, though indicated, lacks basis.

Writing Feedback / The line chart below shows the percentage of Internet users in 3 countries from 1999 to 2009 [2]


- What kind of graph? Be specific. The reader cannot see the image. Show your familiarity with the different kinds of measurement images by properly identifying the graph. It is a bar graph? A line graph? What?


- Which are? You have to specify the countries as a part of the summarized information. These will help the reader understand what upcoming discussion information should be noted. These are the information that your report will actually focus on, so informing the reader beforehand will be helpful to your score.


- What do you mean? This can be either a positive or negative depending upon how you structure the sentence. The information in that presentation is incomplete. Tell the reader how the information broke away.

Good work on the estimation of percentages between Mexico and Canada. You showed that you analyzed the information and considered the possible measurement ranges for both countries.


- An estimation of the threefold digits would have helped deliver more specific information to the reader who, at this point, has no idea what the threefold measurement might be.

Letters / Study plan for Canada Study Permit. Canada - people from around the globe are welcomed there [2]

There is a need for you to address your thesis as a part of your study plan. Since you are studying this specific course3 in Canada to help improve the field in your home country, you have to give a deeper insight as to how the course will help you upon your return. It should indicate that you were not only in discussion to fulfill a vacancy in the field, but to become a better professional through career advancement. You are not clear as to what sort of career is waiting for you upon your return. There needs to be a solid job offer waiting at the end because your final paragraph, the reasons for returning to your home country, does not include a strong and verifiable reason for your return. The two apartments are not really a convincing reason for your return as those can be sold to help your stay in Canada. There are no children or spouses indicated either. Build your professional reason to return by presenting a relevant research thesis for your final year of study. This should be a progressive research beginning in your first academic year as a masters student.

Writing Feedback / SHOW HOW THE WORLD HAS CHANGED SINCE THE INVENTION OF THE MOBILE PHONE [2]

If I am right and the original prompt of this essay was based on how people's interaction has changed because of technology, then your overall approach to the discussion is incorrect.. Due to the lack of original prompt presentation, I am using the prompt that I know is normally used for this discussion. As such, this essay would, in an actual test, not get a passing score. Why? The discussion went from how technology has influence the way people interact to how the world has changed since the mobile phone was invented. You have also used a comparative essay to discuss the topic when the prompt requirement asked you to decide if this was a positive or negative development. The word "or" creates the singular opinion presentation in the discussion. This is not comparative. There is no clear opinion based on the original prompt because you chose to side with both discussion points. There is no clarity when it comes to the opinion that you actually support. There is nothing in this presentation that follows the dictates of the original prompt and thus, cannot receive a passing score.

If this prompt is based on one that specifically focused on the mobile phone, then you should have supplied the prompt for a more accurate review. Kindly remember to provide the prompt next time. That way I will not have to guess what the prompt is and I would be able to offer you relevant writing advice for the topic you were asked to write about.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH POLITICAL ACTIONS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING [6]

When I have given the student advice twice for their essays and I do not see any improvement in the writing format and content, I tend to ignore the student's succeeding posts as it is obvious that the student is not listening to me. That is the case with your essay. I keep telling you not to affirm anything in the opening paraphrase and yet you continue to do so, even after I saw you tell a fellow student not to do that before you posted this essay. That gave me hope that you actually were listening to me, then you went and "admitted" something that you were not being asked to admit in this essay. What am I to think? You say one thing, then go and do another. Why should I waste my time continuing to advise you then when there are other students, who actually listen to me, that I can spend that time helping improve because they listen to me.

Your prompt restatement does not clearly indicate a thesis response that shows what questions you are responding to. There are only 2 reasons provided. However, this is a problem-solution essay, based on the title that you used for it. What government solutions might be enacted? You failed to provide that in the second reasoning paragraph.

Had you provided the original prompt, which is a requirement at this forum, I could offer you more relevant advice. I will do that next time. Provided you supply the original prompt and stop making the same mistakes in your presentation. Otherwise, this will be the last piece of advice you will receive from me.

Writing Feedback / Personal Essay: History - a concept, theory, or topic you have explored. [2]

You told the reviewer what topic is of interest to you. It was explained quite well. The reason you were intrigued by it definitely resonates in these modern female empowerment times. You have shown a keen interest in the topic and the degree by which you have learned about it. These are the positive aspects of your response development. However, you will need to revise the overall presentation because you totally missed out on the last part of the prompt, which is "How do you want to explore it further?" That means, as a student at the university, what activities, reading materials, research, or related explorative study or activities do you hope to participate in to further feed your interest in women's rights? Why is it important to you that you continue to pursue this interest? What else is there left for you to explore and why?

Writing Feedback / In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family [2]

There is an unnecessary discussion point in your restatement. The part about the main reasons why people would spare no expense in tracing their family tree is a prompt deviation and adds a discussion point that alters the overall original theme. The only discussion point to be presented here are 2 reasons based on your positive or negative support for this topic. Therefore, your essay will only be scored on the aspects that discuss the negative impact since that is the actual discussion point.

Sadly, the presentation of a prompt deviation topic will mean that your essay will go down in word count. From the current 305 words, a whole paragraph presentation will be removed. The reasoning paragraph that discusses why the people would want to look into their family tree. There will only 187 words left from the original 250 requirement. You are under the word count, you do not have a properly formatted response essay, and there are several other errors in your writing presentation. The end result? A failed task presentation test.

Stick to the discussion topic, do not add your own discussion points. If you do not understand the practice prompt, ask questions. You need to make sure that your English comprehension skills are good enough to help you understand the test questions once you take the test. Right now, it is obvious you have a problem with that. So work on that first.