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Posts by badafebriani17
Name: BadaFebriani
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 34
Posts: 41  
From: Indonesia
School: Jendereal Sudirman University

Displayed posts: 75 / page 1 of 2
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badafebriani17   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / New technology helps to communicate, but on the other hand it destroys differences between cultures [2]

Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are many effects of modern technology in recent year and it influence of changes especially that happened in human lives. Some people say that the advantages that bring it can make people closer together through communication. Others state that it can destroy different culture. This essay will state that totally agree that modern technology can make people relationship better especially in communication.

Relationship between people such as friendship is needed a good communication. The modern technology such as cell phone and all its features can influence people to communicate in far distance. For example, more than 30% teenagers in Indonesia use hand phone to contact their friend and it can make they keep in touch because they can ask about their activities each other. So, it is important to improve interpersonal communication that useful for them.

On the other hand, there are drawbacks of cellular usage in these days, because it can reduce meeting or gathering time and destroying culture because of the differences. This matter give disadvantages for teenagers because they can less contact with their family and friend in direct communication. For example, secondary-high school pupils in USA as much as 41% witnessed lost of friend because they use face book to look for new friends that they didn't know who they are personally. Unfortunately, they became far away with their friends, so that it can harmful to culture and relationship among they with their parent or friend.

To sum up, modern technology usage can bring benefits and drawbacks. In my opinion, i totally agree that modern technology can bring people closer together through communication, but it can harmful to culture that it can change because the differences of culture and behaviour from people various places. (288w)
badafebriani17   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / In my view, it is tremendous necessary that water scarcity problem should be solved [NEW]

What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?

There are some factors of water scarcity, one of them is caused by domestic rubbishes, because many people waste their trashes in body's water. In my view, it is tremendous necessary that water scarcity problem should be solved, and remaining that water is a primary need for human life.

The primary factor of lack water is household waste. It occurred because the waste from housing can pollute in body water. For example, African inhabitant experienced scarcity is caused as much as 34% of them threw their rubbish into rive streams. A study states that the drought occurred because waste in body waste become solid and it makes water availability decreases in minimum levers. Personally, in my opinion it is important that people should aware in this problem.

Owing to fact that, there are solutions to solve this vital problem such as make campaign to change local behaviour for keep cleanness of river water, because it can influence to waste quality in housing water. For example, Japanese applied cleaning water system and suggest inhabitant to do not waste to body water. According to research of Tokyo University, lack of waste can tackle by keep cleanness in water surroundings, because it makes water to be free of pollutant. I think that can make running water keep clean and its available until long time.

In conclusion, in my view there are many causes of scarcity, for instance waste. However, the primarily solution of this problem is a ban for wasting rubbishes in body water especially for water that near houses living, so that waste cannot pollute the water, and solid process of pollutant cannot be occurred. (272w)
badafebriani17   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of average viewers who watch of Channel One News based on four different air schedules [2]

The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period

A breakdown of the number of average viewers who watch of Channel One News based on four different air schedules over a 12-month period is revealed in a graph. It measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that there was a steady trend in the 1 pm and 6 pm news, and others experienced an extreme gradual trend.

In a year period, it can be seen that all schedule of news are started in January except the 11 pm news was introduced on May. The most viewers over the year came from the news that air in the evening, at under five. However, it decreased sharply in above three roughly on August. After May saw that the 9.30 pm news fell deeply at just above one. It was less four-fold that the 11 pm news in eighth months.

There was a dramatic decrease in the 6 and the 11 pm news. However, the 9.30 pm news witnessed a sharp incline, and there was an insignificant trend of the afternoon news. On August saw a sharp increase of the night news, at three. Meanwhile, the evening and over night news experienced a deep drop at above three and just under one. However, clearly, in the end of period, news that air at day stood at one. (216w)



  • avegare_daily_figure.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some claim that a new library is money waste because we can use internet to get most of information [2]

Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?

Need of information is tremendous necessary for everyone in the present time. Some people say that it is wasting money if we should build a library because we can use internet to searching for some information. This essay states that totally disagree with this statement. Owing to the fact that is not ever person can access internet connection.

First of all, internet is a sophisticated technology that makes people easier to looking for some information. Internet usage was extremely influenced of human life, because they could know various matters about life in the world. For example, 54% USA schoolchildren used internet when they studied about various animals from abroad. It makes study more effectively, because they can see clearly about appearance and behaviour of animals from pictures and videos. So, it can lose much money if someone want to build a library.

On the other hand, build a library is very important for party of people rather than use the internet because connection of internet is not every people can access it. For example, Indonesia inhabitant who live in remote villages. They cannot find access internet because there is lack of technology. Jakarta post said that just 13% of local used internet especially in educational sectors. It makes they more prefer to choose finding information from books or some printed references than internet. Besides, collected books in library can use by other generations in the future. so, personally in my opinion that build a library is tremendous important because can create sustainable reference availability.

In conclusion, in my view that totally disagree that build a library is a wasting money action because others who cannot access on internet connection just can find information from printed references such as books and tabloids. (291w)
badafebriani17   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / International tourists arrival in five countries in 1995 and 2010 [2]

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.

A breakdown of the proportion of information about international visitors in five countries between 1995 and 2010, it revealed in a line graph which it is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that there was a significant upward trend of tourist in Malaysia, France and USA, however, Brazil and Egypt witnessed a steady trend over the period.

Firstly, from 1995 to 2005 there was a variation upward trend in all countries. Malaysia experienced a dramatic increase in 2000, at 60. It was twice larger than previous year. While, USA raised sharply at 90 until 2005. In contrast, Brazil and Egypt stood at under ten.

According to the graph, in 2005 saw that there was a significant upward trend in all countries except USA. Brazil and Egypt visitors raised slightly at under 20 in 2010. Meanwhile, Malaysia and France tourists witnessed a sharp rise, at under 50 and under 90. In contrast, USA dropped slightly just few under 90 perspectively. (161w)



  • tourist_in_five_coun.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about electricity generate by five fuels in New Zealand and Germany [2]

The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.

A breakdown of the percentage of information about using electricity generated by five fuels in New Zealand and Generated is exposed in four pie charts in 1980 and 2010. The data is measured in percent. Overall, the biggest usage of fuel was coal in New Zealand in 2010, and nuclear used by most of Germany inhabitan in two years period. However, pertoleum and Hydro was the least that used by both coutries in 2010.

According to the pie charts, there was a dramatical rise of coal usage New Zealand citizens in 2010. It was more a third than in 1980. In the same year saw that Hydro was above three-fold than Germany people, at 30. The largest petroleum usage came from Germany, at 22. It was more twice than New Zealand in 1980.

There was an extremely increase of Nuclear usage in Germany, at 155 which it more seven fold than previous year. Natural Gas experienced a dramatic decrease in 2010 by both country, at two. In contrast, it witnessed a quite big use in 1980, at a under a third. It was the second largest of fuels usage in both countries between other fuel sources. (196W)



  • Electricity_generati.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the amount of fund that a city government contributes to book associations [3]

Hello dioba.
personally, i really appreciated your essay. you have a good essay.
but, i want to give you some suggestion for your essay because there are some corrections especially in writing "facts/trends"

as noun [Adj (noun)+ Vern (noun)] e.g. a dramatic increase / a sharp decrease etc.
as verb [Verb+Adj] e.g. increased dramatically / decreased sharply etc.

The sum of fund was given by (...) stood at 20,000 and was reached a peak at 40,000 in the third years . Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government was given to book ...

... club members reached as much as 6,000 and continued by a gradually decreased to 5000 ...

There was a dramatic increaseincreased dramatically of the number of club ...
Furthermore, infrom the second year to (...) between the sum of fund was given by a city ...

well done. keep writing and good luck!
badafebriani17   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Relation of The Amount of Money and The number of Book Club Members [4]

Hi yurikeyuri. i want to give you some suggestion.
i hope it will be useful for you.

i found a repetitive in your essay which you mentioned "thousand pounds" three times. to avoid a repetition i think you should mention it in your introduction, so you shouldn't mention it again in your body of essay.

... amount of money which has donated by the Council ...
Overall, the two graphs haveincreasing increased in ...

... number in third year at above 40 thousand pound . The extremely increase The picture increased extremely by 15 thousand poundsinfrom second to third year. The graph not only always increase in each ...

however, the graph witnessed an increase on every year, it decreased over fourth year at 35.

good luck and keep writing! :)
badafebriani17   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / We should use the time wisely and give our love to the others, in order to attract the happiness [2]

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Everyone have willingness to be happy in their life. Some people say that life happily is important for their quality of life, but to know the true definition of happiness is still difficult to figure it out. There are some factors that necessary to achieve the happiness.

First of all, happiness have vary of definition of each person. There are state that happiness is related to high level of people who occupant, wealthy, and popularity, for instance a celebrity. She or he will be happy when achieved famous and got a lot of money. In contrast, i believe that happiness is bout how to build good relationship with friends and family. In my case, happy can be resulted from how we make our parent to proud and always caring them. Then, how to keep in touch with our friends and give them our best support.

On the other hand, there are some factors that influenced of happiness. Some people say that money is the most important factor to be happy in the life. For example, they can be happy with money because they can buy luxury products such as car, jewelry, and branded clothes. But, i believe that time and love are important factors to live happily. If we have enough time we can spend time with family and we can give love to them and get happy life.

In a nutshell, happiness is the most vital part of our life. Which we have to improve and keep the factor that linked with it, such as time and love. If we use time wisely and give our love to the others happiness will there in our live.
badafebriani17   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Customers spent their money for different things. What was the common shopping preference in 2002? [2]

The table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table show the percentage of number of customer spending their money on some items in five different countries in 2002. Overall, the highest percentage came from Turkey, on the other hand the least number came from Sweden.

As is presented on the table, Turkey was the most spent money for private needs and academic needs, which spent for primary consumption such as food, drink and tobacco, at 32,14. It was the highest number for spend in leisure and school, at 4,35. The second highest came from Ireland, which paid 28,91 for tobacco and food. Meanwhile, it is very little to spent for leisure, at 2,21. In contrast, Italy has highest number to spend budget for clothes, at nine and spend for education. It was the second percentage, at about three.

There is no significant number happened of Spain that spend under two percent for education. It was the least number compare to other countries of education and holiday. Generally, the least percentage of several items that measures it was Sweden, which had just 15,77 spend for food and drink that spent at three for education needs (187w)



  • table.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Which way a cargo were delivered in UK in the 28 years timeframe? [5]

Hello ifraanisa
this is my suggestion, i hope it will be useful for you.

According to the graph, In 1974, about 70 million tonnes of goods distributed ...

it started from under 10 ...
... delivering goods at above 40 million tonnes.
to avoid repetition, you can mention the unit of measurement in your introduction
e.g. the unit of data is measured in million tonnes.
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The youngsters have to get a job or even travel before they take course in a school [2]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Some people say that young people have to extent for a year to job or travel before they take course in the university. However, these matters are useful for their experiences. There are many advantages and disadvantages for both, so it still become controversial.

There are many benefits for work and travel before study, such as enrich experience, capability that useful to facing the world. For example, a student who has a dream to be humanist. He or she have to increase her or his knowledge, such as explore places that he or she haven't visited to learn about culture, custom or behaviuor. So, he or she can more mature to think or communicate, so it can help he or she to extent to the university.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages from work and travel before study in the higher education, such as they who didn't have mush money, they will hard to travel, it is because, not only difficult in budget, but also can make they to notice a bad bahaviour, if they there in bad environment for instance, they can know unpleasant habit like smoking. So, it is very harmful for the young people, especially for their future.

There are benefits and disadvantages of work and travel before young people study in the university. Both of them also are influence their personality and their future, but it is depend on their respect. (237w)
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of materials transported based on four vary modes of transport in the UK [6]

The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

The line graph shows the information about the number of materials that transported based on four vary modes of transport in the UK, between 1974 and 2002. The unit of data is measured in million tonnes. Overall, there are upward trend of road and gradual fluctuation of rail.

According to the graph, it can be seen that the highest of number of goods is road, which is started at 65 in the first year and it peaked in 1998 and raised slightly up to 100. In 2002, water and rail have quantities which is almost same, but water bit fewer than rail. Than it rose dramatically from 40 in 1978 to 58 in 1982 and it peaked up to 65 in 2002.

There was an fluctuation of the number of rail from 1974 to 1994, however it inclined sharply about 25 up to over 40 in the end of year. The least is pipeline which is just under 10 in the first year, then rose significantly and peaked in 1994 at over 20, but in the next year it stood until the end of period. (185w)



  • Line_graph.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of commodities transported in United Kingdom 1984-2002 using various transportation [3]

1. be careful for write a country that need article "the" such as the UK, and the US

... commodities transported in (the) United Kingdom ...

2. besides is a preposition, i think it shouldn't write with determiner "that"

Besides that , in the first year, (...) very small difference, (at) 40 and ...
..., and after that, [comma] water become higher (...) 2002, (at) 65 and 42 respectively.

3. be careful to mention the percentage in your essay because, so should mention information from the data such as the number of quantity. i think better you mention other important data

Started at about 70% in 1974, then grew ...

good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information regarding to the changes in UK school's funds usage in 1981, 1991 and 2001. [2]

Hello septiadara
actually you have good essay but let me give you some suggestions.
1. in academic writing you should write numbers up to ten as words (five, two etc) and write numbers over ten as pictures (2001, 15 etc)
... went down dramatically to 5% [five percent] in 1991, ...
... it growth markedly from 2% [two percent] in 1991 to 8% [eight percent] in 2001.
... down over three decade(s), the greatest proportion ...
It is measured by (the) percentage.
overall, i can understand your essay easily. well done. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The use of road transport in delivering some goods in Britain is constantly growing [4]

Hello, ivan this is my suggestions
1. ... the rail got more goods in (at) 40 than water ...
2. 4-year(s) later, the good (...) significantly (up) to 90 and ...
3. maybe it more suitable if you use (comma) rather than (full stop point)
However. Pipeline was the unpopular one that ...
i hope it will be useful for you. keep writing
badafebriani17   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of some equipment carried away all over UK [5]

Hello wily.
actually your essay is pretty good. but i will give you some suggestions for your writing

1. be careful of your sentence. i think you should add comma in this sentence
... could see that the train (trend) of line graph for (...) the water at 60, (and) the road at 70.
... each types of transportation s was started ...
... there were (a) fluctuation number of types ...
...of transport was steady where which is the ...
From 1998 to 2002, there were was a gradual increased ...
badafebriani17   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The public issue states that it should be decided to fix the punishment level in each crime. [2]

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that ...

These days, there are many crimes from light crime until complex crime. The public issue states that it should be decided fixing punishment in each crime. There are statement that in deciding the punishment it must be concern in circumstances of crime and motive of crime, because each crime has difference. So, it must be different for its committing.

On the one hand, kind of crime is very influence the punishment that would be decided. However, not seldom, in fact, it is grouped simply based on type of crime that have been decided, which is maybe didn't have any similarity especially in the background of crime. For example, robbing chili and robbing car. Both is assumed as the same in one type of crime. But, these cases wouldn't be the same if know background and motive of crimes. Both is decided punishment for 15 years of committing. This matter is not justice, because the matter that should be see in theses cases is not only the outcome, it is mean robbing action, but also see what the motive and condition of crime.

On the other hand, each crime has different adjective, such as motive, way, or crime condition that happen. This matter is influence in deciding punishment become a controversial issue, because the difference background that didn't be the same. For example a killer woman that has punishment committed along her ages. In fact, she is the victim of sexual violence caused by a man who is killed by her. But in the end she become who decided punishment because she has been known as people who responsibility by her action.

In conclusion, there are many factors to decide punishment. It should not base on the type of crime but there are other factors that is influence a justice of punishment such as background and motive of crime, so it will result different punishment.
badafebriani17   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cement is made by limestone and clay, besides, concrete is from cement, sand, gravel, and water [4]

The diagram shows the stages and the equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams give the information about process producing cement and how to product concrete from cement. The equipment used to make cement are mixer, crushing, rotating heater, and grinder. Cement made by limestone and clay, besides, concrete made by cement, sand, gravel, and water.\

The process of cement-making is begun with all the equipment have set up. First of all, limestone and clay are poured into crusher to change material became powder form. Then, it is entered in cylinder mixer until homogeneity. Next, it is heated by great cylinder heater that it will rotating when it is activated by fire. After that it is grind in order to become cement. Finally cement is packed by bag.

Based on the second diagram, cement will be used as basic material to create concrete. First, 15% of cement is poured into mixer together with ten percent of water, sand as much as 20%, and 50% of small stone. Second, all material is stirred by mixer until homogeneity. The last after concrete form is formed perfectly, it ready to used in building a construction. (180w)



  • cement.png
badafebriani17   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Figures that illustrate step by step process and equipment used for creating cement and concrete [2]

Hello faizunaa this is my suggestion
actually your essay is good. but this is my opinions
1. It can be seen that there are several steps to make cement.
be careful repetition. you have mentioned it before, so maybe you can variate you writing.
maybe like this e.g.: based on the first diagram, there are several steps to make cement.
2. Then, the two powders are combined by using mixer. After that, it is heated inside the Rotating Heater using fire
i thing it is not influence about your capital each word.
good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building [3]

Hello mardian. this is my suggestion
actually your essay is good, but this is my opinion
1. ..., clay, crusher, mixer, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags.
maybe you can mention the equipment group, and the material group
e.g. the materials that needed are clay and limestone. the equipment that used are ...
2. ... need cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel (25%) to produce concrete
you can variation your writing with mention the proportion of the material
e.g. ... need 15% of cement, ten percent of water, sand as much as 25%, and 25% 50% of gravel...
by the way there is wrong data. it should be 50% of gravel
good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about several goods and steps to produce cement, and how to make concrete by cement. [4]

Hello wily. this is my suggestion
actually your essay is good..
1. ..., and clay stone
2. ... several goods and way(s) to produce cement ...
3. Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are ...
maybe you can mention the equipment that needed..
e.g.the are several the equipment that needed such as grinder, mixer and rotating heater
overall, good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Teachers' salaries rose, however the other workers' wage dropped. Annual spendings by a UK school [4]

These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.

The three pie charts gives the information about the percentage of change amount of money that spent by particular school in 1981, 19991, and 2001. Overall, there was an upward trend of teachers' salaries. There was a downward trend of other employees' salaries.

Based on the pie charts, the largest number came from teachers' salaries, at 50% in 1991, it incresed dramatically by ten percent from 1981 to 1991. Besides, the second largest is other workers' salaries, at 28% in 1981, but it dropped sharply by six percent from 28% to 22%.

Not only books, but also furniture and equipment experienced an up and down trend which furniture fell sharply by ten percent in 1991 but resources such as books inclined five percent in the same year. The least number is insurance that just reaced up to eight percent which there was a slight rise by five percent in 2001. (150w)
badafebriani17   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some literature state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. [5]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. to what extend do you agree or disagree?
what other measures do you think might be effective?


Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. People argue that the government has to make an policy which the price of fuels would be increase. I personally agree that citizent must purchase petrol more than the normal cost. But, there is an alternative problem solving such as decline the number of cars.

Air pollution is the main problems that happened in many countries. It caused by road traffict in the city. Recetnly there are issue that the price of fuels would be increase. I believe it is the best way to solve the effect of greenhouses gases. For example, the UK goverment made policy which raises the price of petrol by 100%. This obligation aim to force the citizent to reduce of car fuels usage. An affordable cost of petrol make people like to drive and avoid to use buses. If the government increase the price of pertol, they will more prefer to use public transport rather than private transport. So, i think a good action that the cost of fuels must be raised.

Besides, there are other ways to solve air pollution such as reduce the number of cars. The car is the main resources that resulted greenhous gases. In this case, we can know how important of reducing the number of cars. Traffict jam produced amouth of harmful gases that can cause global warming, so reducing traffic jam is necessary to solving this problem. For example, the road traffict in London caused increasing the NO2 levels. The London government made policy to limit the local to use one car every household and apply car free day in the weekend. So, if the number of traffict reduced, the air pollution will be increased either.

In conclusion, there are many sollutions to solve the air pollution. I think the best sollution is by rising the cost of fuels. But, reducing the number of cars is more important to solve the air pollution.
badafebriani17   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The total cost which particular school in UK spent for its necessities during 30 years. [3]

Hello miss Anna.

1. in academic writing, numbers up to ten you should write as words (four, five) and numbers over ten you should write as pictures (15, 2000)

e.g. ... rose by five percent. ... fewer than five percent ...

2. Verb (decreased) + Adj (dramatically)
you can use percent as symbol % when write numbers as figures

e.g. Resources like books dramatically decreased dramatically to 9% (nine percent).
... insurance needed 23% and nine percent of ...

overall well done. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about the percentage of budget allocated by a school in UK for some aspects [3]

Hello miss ifra.
let me give you some suggestion.

1.number up to ten you should write as words (ten, five)

2. to make your essay more interesting in writing numbers you can use percent as symbol %.

3. preposition --> according to
... of school in the UK according in during 1981, 1991, and 2001

overall well done. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The budget and calculated spendings by a certain UK school during three decades (1981 to 2001) [3]

Hello miss Sarlinda this is my suggestion

1. V [Increased] + Adj [gradually]
... features had been gradually increased (gradually) step by step (...) the highest percentages of the school ...

2. numbers up to ten should write as words [six, one] and numbers over ten should write as pictures [2001, 75]
... next decades in 1981, 1991 until 2001, (...) budget's had been gradually increased (gradually) by 1 % (one percent) until reached 6 % (at) (six percent) in 2001.

3. than--> explaining there is a comparison. [bigger......than....]
... had been declined gradually with fair significant by 13 % in 2001 (which is bigger) than in 1981

overall good job
badafebriani17   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / A study states, that an effective learning can be resulted by meal that enrich with nutrients [4]

To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Brain children still experience development. It usually use every time especially when children study at the school. There are some people say that to study effectively. Children have to costumer healthy meals. I personally, extremely agree with this statement, so healthy food is necessary for children's brain.

School is a place that almost most of the children activities hold at school. It can influence what is meal that consumed by schoolchildren. There is a study that states an effective learning can be resulted by meal that enrich with nutrients. Because meal that contain of high protein, diverse vitamins and minerals can help toddlers to receive lesson fastly. For example chicken soup, fruit salad and milk. Canteen in school has to provides those healthy food. So, they can be easy to consume it, and they can increase learning capacity.

On the other hand, parent has responsibility for provides food for their children, because every children having their breakfast and dinner in their homes. So, it important to give their best quality of meal. Parent is a most close person for the children who know what menu their like. When children don't have appetite for eating, parent know what the alternative menu to their children, especially health cuisines. Every parent will their children to be smart person in the future. So, they role as parents have big responsibility to give their children healthy meal.

To sum up, increasing an effective learning can be resulted which children consume healthy food that enriched nutrition from canteen school. Besides, parent also has responsibility to give their children good meal to rising study performance children.
badafebriani17   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most travellers were satisfied with the job of nation's major domestic airlines that had been served [4]

Customer satisfaction levels with the US airline services and spesific aspects in 1999, 2000, 2007

The chart gives the information about levels of costumer satisfaction with the US airlines services in 1999, 2000 and 2007. The table serves the data about customer satisfaction levels with specific aspects of flight experience in Gullup Polls. Overall, most of customer satisfied with the job nation's major airlines are doing. The highest of customer satisfaction because courtesy of flight attendants.

Based on chart, there was a slight rise of customer satisfaction with airlines services. It increased by four percent in 2000 and by three percent in 2007. Although, customer who dissatisfied fell sharply by five percent in 2007, at 29% to 24%. Comparison both satisfied and dissatisfied, customer satisfied was more than twice compare with they who dissatisfied, were at 72% and 24% in the last year.

The table shows there was a smooth increase of customer satisfied levels with aspect of courtesy of flight attendants, from 90% to 92% (in 2000 and 2007). The second largest came from courtesy of check in, at 88% in 2007, which decreased by one percent from period recently. Price of tickets and schedules aspects just were same, at under 80%. And the least is comfort of seats, at 47%. (197w)



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badafebriani17   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of enjoyment the courtesy of US flight attendants rose 4% in eight years [4]

Hello this is my suggestions
1. be careful when you write numbers
number up to ten you should write as words [two, seven]
number over ten you should write as figures [72, 2002]
e.g.: ... increasing number of seven percent (...) to roughly 72%

2. data--> uncountable
e.g.: These data are measured...

3. i think you just misspelling
tabel-> table
satisfication -->satisfaction
better you use prepositional "related to"
e.g.:... five different aspects that related to customer satisfaction ...

overall well done. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / In this competitive era, having capability in second language is a requirement. Kids & languages [3]

Hello. this is my suggestion
i think your essay is really good. but let me give you my opinions
1. be careful, to avoid repetition in preposition usage "to" you can use other prepositions that more suitable
it think like this:
... in order to be able to speak in different language to prepare themselves in long-run.

2. there is double verb. i think you can change "carve" verb--> noun, [gerund]--> "carving"
e.g.: Learning in childhood is like carving in the stone

3. be careful, S (singular) + verb s/es
it help--> it helps
e.g.: it helps them to get good ...

4. don't forget to add (comma) when you use conjunction "and"--->[........., ........., and.......]
e.g.: ... time to imitate, rehears, and practice.
i hope it will be useful
badafebriani17   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of employee relationship with their boss and peers at the office 2005 - 2009 [2]

Hello miss maireza.
this is my suggestion.
1. don't forget. number up to ten --> write as words [two, four, nine]
number over ten --> write as pictures [2009, 100, 17]

e.g.: ... by four percent in 2009. ... only two percent in both years. In 2005, there were two percent of workers ...
e.g.: While, there was one percent poor relationship ...
e.g.: ... fell of four to three ...

2. to avid repetition, you can use other words that have same meaning
there are more than three time you mentioned "worker"
worker---> you can change--> employee/ staff member/
co-worker---> colleague
overall you have good essay. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / People's view about dress style and the judgement of a person based on clothes he wears [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Dress style have been changing recently. People follow development of clothes to having better appearance. Party of people argue that dress style people is influenced by interest what style they like. I think it is important to wear clothes that suitable with our passion, but we should not give a judgment to people based on their clothing.

Some people feel comfort with their clothes that usually they wear. They will choose cloth and style which suit by their passion. For example, painters, mainly of they like wear casual clothes, or clothes that they love, such as T-shirts, jumpers, and jeans. Because, they feel happy and enjoy with wear it. Moreover, they feel comfort and it not bothers their occupants. Maybe some people feel unpleasant to see, because their look like is little messy. But, it is not problem as long as it not gives disadvantage to the people. However, by some people argue that those style is not good, but it is important to express what people like trough clothing style.

On the other hand, appearance is necessary by mostly people. No rarely people critic the others because of their clothing. In fact, assess a person not only from the appearance, but also can be seen by the background. For example, Facebook founder, a man who love gray color, usually wear gray T-shirts and simple trouser. Because, he is a modest person and don't want be arrogant. Maybe people will judge that he is a poor man, because he wears simple clothes. Factually, he is one of rich man in his country. So, people cannot assess someone from the way of their dress style, because it cannot illustrate personality's person.

In conclusion, dress style is necessary by some people, especially base on their interest. But, people cannot judge only from their views. I think there are other aspects to notice personality's someone, such as see from their background and occupant.
badafebriani17   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Survey of relationships at work (employees with supervisor/co-workers) 2005 and 2009 [2]

The pie charts illustrate the information about measurement of relationship of employees with supervisor and co-workers in 2005 and 2009. Overall, both of the percentage of relationship with manager and co-workers were in very good relationship, at more than a half.

According to the first chart, the percentage of relationship employees with supervisor dominate by very good relationship, at 61% and 65%, it raised small by four percent. The second largest percentage came from good relationship was under 26% in 2005, it decreased slightly by four percent. Fair and poor relationship just were no more than eight percent in the two years. There was a slight rise of company that don't have a manager.

The second chart shows that there was dramatic increase of very good relationship with co-employers, by seven percent. The percentage of good relationship fell modest from 28% to 25%. It same as well as fair relationship that decreased, by four percent. In 2009, the corporation that don't have employer rose very little, by one percent. Then, in the second survey there was no poor relationship with co-workers



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badafebriani17   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some say that teaching untalented children art in class does not have any benefits for their sake [3]

Hello andika.
actually your essay is really good. but let me give you some suggestions

1. there is a misspelling in this sentence, be careful in spelling, because it is one of assessment elements in academic writing
... be ready to face a real life when having been exposed to several practical subjects...

2. be careful with uncountable noun.. you should use (much or amount etc)
many new knowledge. ----->much new knowledge.
this subject provide(S)
don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [because, but, such as]
e.g.:This is because in this subject ...
but overall, you have good essay. i can understand your essay well. good luck.
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses [5]

Hello miss ifraanisa05.
let me give you some suggestions. you have good essay, but i want to share my opinion.
1. better you use conjunction "such as" when you want to mention more than one example.
don't forget add comma before conjunction "and" "such as"
e.g.: ... houses through many ways, such as from outdoor ...

2. don't forget add comma before conjunction "but"
maybe you mistyping, use uppercase word "Air" in beginning of sentence
you should use lowercase word "air" in middle of sentence
e.g.: Air leaking into ...
e.g.:After that, air is processed ...
overall, good job, because i can understand your essay well. good luck. i hope it will be useful for you.
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recognising the heat loss in a house is a way to save much energy [5]

Hello Reski.
this is my suggestion.
actually you have good essay. i can understand your essay well, but let me give you some suggests

1. don't forget to add conjunction when you mention examples/ something more than one
i think you should add conjunction "and" for this sentence and don't forget to place comma before "but" "and"

...Plumbing stack vent, kitchen fan vent,and dryer vent.

2. to avoid usage conjunction "and" in beginning of sentence.
e.g.: And Meanwhile, energy will ...

3. there is missing verb, better you add verb
e.g.: Air will leak out and flow into the house which ...

overall good job. keep writing. good luck
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The businessmen avoids to concentrate only on making money. [2]

Hello miss ifraanisa05. this is my suggestion.
actually your essay is pretty good, but let me give you my opinions
1. don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [but also, so, but, etc]

... only for money, but also ...
... they are working, so that they ...
... low budget, but high profit.
... provide much cost, so that they ...

... more than three times, so your essay ...
"make" ---> [create/ do/ produce]
business-->[concern/ affair/ preserve]
good luck. keep writing
badafebriani17   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many companies exist not only for financial purposes, but also to do useful activities for people [3]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, development of business experience changes fast. Some corporation became more concentration and innovative in creating many fascinating products. Some people say that business activity only aim to earn money. I totally disagree with this statement. There are many companies that survive not only for financial purpose, but also to do useful activity that relates to humanity duty.

Business activity has highly profitable and it has pleasure prospect to earn a lot of money, so business must be concentrated properly. For example, a business retail which has a benefit in produce the income. A company that supply many goods that have high qualities, so it can attract consumers. It is mean the big income will be easy to reach. The owners have to concern in internal aspect of their own company, such as manage and maintenance sales. If they not improve the managerial and maintenance they will lose many buyers. It is mean they will lose much money. So, concentrate in internal factor is important, especially to get big income.

On the other hand, there are many corporate that not only aim to get money, but also to act a social usefulness. For example, Lifebuoy, it is a hygiene products company that has purpose not only for financial, but also to promote healthy lifestyle to the people. Besides, they do improving in their products, they also make campaign when were happened disaster, such as flood, and earthquake. They donate their product to prevent diseases that related to a disaster. Then, they give food aid, and housing equipment freely for the victims. So, that ways they can help other people and the company can survive existence.

In conclusion, business is one of ways to ear money, so we have to give much concern into it, but I believe that there are other factors that we have to take more concentrate such as, humanity duty to help people, so we can get big income and can solve people's problem.

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