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Posts by nurainiyusuf16
Name: Nuraini Yusuf
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 6, 2016
Threads: 47
Posts: 83  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Makassar

Displayed posts: 130 / page 1 of 4
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nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / A research in which people were interviewed about communication abilities critical in their jobs [4]

Hello @Castro!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

Take a look at your first body paragraph.
You have missed one of external communication skill which is "advising or caring for costumers or clients", then you put "knowledge of particular products or services become the second important at 35 percent in 1997" it was totally wrong since the second position was "advising or caring" at 36%.

It stood at 24% in 1997 and it declined slightly by 3% in 2006 from 24%.

Repitition

Move to the second body
You put wrong data again.
Furthermore, the lowest number in this part was making speeches or presentations at 47% 7% and it was a slight roserise by 4 percent in 2006 from 7%.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientists effort to invent a device which enable human to breathe under the water for a long time [6]

Hello Nda!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

- We all know that all living creatures needs oxygen.
- ..., several scientists isare in an effort to ...
- ..., is painful and heavy .So that, so they need a device...
- The artificial gills, is are the solution ...
- and she can could breathe for 45 minutes....

You have to put the link so people can compare your summary than the original, in order to make sure you are not misrepresented.

Hope it helps you.
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / (summary)Strong Personalities Skew Study Samples [5]

Hellooo Vicky!
Allow me to give you some suggestion through your summary.

Look at mine below:
In truth, a ll of owner pets prefer ...
It has become a custom in this trend.
However,
the issue of animals' capability is not the one that has been ...
A research stated that, a species of bird into ...
At the same time they found that each type ...
S omehow they also found ...
They rise the important questions about ...

All in all,
1. You never mention something that can refer to "there", you may check it again.
2. You have to consistent with your tenses.
3. Avoid to use cordinating conjunction "FANBOYS" for starting a sentence.
4. Honestly, you have to learn again about sentence structure, there are some missing in your summary.
5. The most important is my corrections only about grammar, you should put the link, so we can make sure you do not mispresented.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / People are now able to get communication or information effectively without thinking of distance [2]

Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As the impact of modern technology, people are able to get communication or information quickly and effectively without thinking of distance. However, others argue the improvement has some drawbacks such as destroying the differences of cultures. Personally, I totally disagree in the second nation since as far as I consider technology help some community in rural area to show off its unique. This essay will first discuss how technology cannot destroy people's culture, and how it is able to present those differences.

Culture is that have lived in a community since ancient time, and it cannot be destructed by anything else, even technology. For instance, in my country, Indonesia, there are two districts that have different cultures. Before two centuries, those communities did not know what was mobile phone, how to use it, but when it was entered to the areas, it became popular and it had owned by almost all inhabitants there. Though, the technology had entered the place, all of traditions, arts, and culture activities still happened based on both districts beliefs. There is nothing change.

As a matter of fact, the technology is able to show that varies to other people. Taking a famous area in Sulawesi called Toraja as an example. Annually, inhabitants in that place hold an annual event namely "Happy Desember", it happens in beginning of December until the end. It aims for presenting Toraja's culture, traditional dances, also their attractive activities. At the first time, only some people knew it, but after it showed in television, and shared by people, enormous tourists have come, from local to overseas. It proves that technology is unable to destroy human's culture varies.

All in all, I believe that the presence of technology is for good purposing, in culture aspect, it is able to help community in small region for introducing its divergence.
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nanotechnology brings an immense important role [4]

Hello Nina!
Allow me to give you suggestions :)

breakthrough contributes in transportation' ...

Collocation:
Contributes to

It is followed in computer industry ...

Collocation:
Followed by

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Travelling methods in England for two different years [2]

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

A comparison about travelling ways in England for two different years, which are 1985 and 2000, measured by average distance per person per year in miles, is revealed in the table. As a general trend, the number of all modes route saw a significant rise. Meanwhile, both years still presented private car as the favourite way to get travel based on its length.

Look at the detail, for personal travel methods, such as walking, bicycle, and car, witnessed a different trend. While car could spend 3, 199 miles in 1985 and increased by almost 2,000 miles, taking a distance by fool and bicycle declined steady. Walking experienced a few decrease by 18 miles to 237 miles in 2000. At the same time, bicycle stayed at almost 40-50 miles.

For, another way, public transportation, most of them experienced an upward trend. Take a look at bus ways, local and local distance bus could travel with almost twofold route in 2000. Those busses were able to go in 274 miles and 124 miles respectively. Train and taxi also did the same. Starting from 239 and 13 miles, both of them increased significantly to 42 and 366 miles. Meanwhile, other methods rose by approximately 100 miles from 450 in the initial year.



  • Changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Lakeside circumstances in two different years, which are 2000 and 2009, are presented in the picture [2]

The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.

A comparison of Lakeside circumstances in two different years, which are 2000 and 2009, is presented in the picture. On the whole, there were enormous changes in the Lakeside such as presence of new factories, education facilities, also the number of public accommodation. Meanwhile, the lake areas decreased until almost twofold smaller over those years.

Starting from business need, in the initial year, the east side of lakeside was consists of industrial complex and inhabitants' resident, but for the following year, the number of factories inclined significantly and took over the residential area. Construction of shopping centre became the next improvement that also had to cut a plenty of people's home.

In the north area, the number of residential area had not face changing. Meanwhile, art centre that usually used for entertaining people was replaced by cinema. During one decade, old town was destructed and for replacing it offices and educational place, a university, were built. Behind those areas, car park was constructed to replace derelict warehouse position. As the impact of the improvement, the lake changed to the pond because of decreasing zone, it saw approximately twice less than the initial survey.



  • The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power [2]

The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.

A comparison of how different directions of sea wave are able to harness energy for a power plant. It can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, both of them release same amount of energy by using same systems and tools, such as turbine, column, and chamber.

Look at the detail, for generating electricity from wave power, it only need three main equipments, there are turbine, column, and the last is chamber. When the wave comes to the chamber and near to the cliff, it will push the air go through the column. At the same time, the turbine will spin owing to the pressure. Rotating process will release energy that called electricity.

On the other hand, when the ripple moves far from the sea wall, the air will pull into the column by the up side. With the same process, the air through the column makes the turbine spinning and goes out to the sea. Even though, it has reversible direction, the great deal of energy which is released almost equal.



  • The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of mechanism to produce electricity using wave is provided by the charts [4]

Hello Pram!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

A breakdown of mechanism to produce ...

It is really a short paragraph Pram, you should put at least 3 sentences here. You are able to add some information in your conclusion.

On one hand, generating electricity process ...

On one hand use for starting first idea, when it comes to another idea you have to say "on the other hand"

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the Lakeside modification area during one decade started from 2000 [2]

Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

Overall, there are several features which ...

Remember the time signal, you have to use "past tense"
change = verb
changing = noun
entertain = verb
enterainment = noun
You should type:
Overall, there were several features which experienced a changing such as (...), the form of entertainment media, ...

"While" use for contrasing something, you do not need to put "but".
While some (...) district saw a gradual rise in 2009,but it reversed to the size of the lake.

For the rest, I just found you made some mistakes about grammar.
Just for reminding you, the time signal is from 2000 to 2009, so you should use past tense.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people have the experience that when they speak, people do not listen to them [3]

Hello Dioba!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

... is the instrument that all of people play ...

... single alphabet represent an essential word

Integrity as the third, it means being our word.

I guess it is not clear sentences. You have to add additional information.

Finally, L for representing love,

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - What's the fastest way to alphabetize your bookshelf? [3]

Hello Abraham!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

You are able to say "Although it seems complicated and takes a dozen days,"

Could -> Past
Can -> Present
You are able to say "there are several methods can be conducted."

Secondly, you choose a book randomly which is located in the

All in all, you have to concern in your punctuation also about the conjunction.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Making relationship with a person online is not impossible presently [2]

With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.

Making relationship with a person by online is not impossible at present, improvement of technology realise it by dating sites. Some people believe that, the kind of dating is really suitable for single men and women. However, personally, I am not keen on permitting my close-friend get through this recent trend since I know the demerits are more than the merits. This essay will first discuss about how e-dating is able to find a mate for busy people and then talk how online dating becomes people way for making profit by fooling others.

People with rush hour, sometimes have less leisure time, even for dating with other people. Web dating is their popular choice then, for getting a couple. A survey, held in New York, revealed that eight in ten business woman who single chose to get e-dating rather than get match with their relatives. Since by online dating, they are able to pick a man who fit with them, from the physical characteristic, quality until the occupation. Dating application provide a hundred or even a thousand men, only by one-click, they will get dating.

However, it cannot be denied that enormous of cyber crimes are happen in virtual world, e-dating as well. Taking an experience from my friend, she is the leader of a start-up business but she is single. One day, she got online dating with a man that she had chosen by dating sites. She picked the man because she thought he was really matched with her type. Then, when they get got meeting, the man was a liar. Started from his occupation, address, even the photograph and the worst was what he wanted from my friend was taking my friend as insurances' member of his company. It was really cruel. Since that time, I prevent myself and my friend to get online dating. I guess in-person dating is better.

To conclude, though online dating has merits for certain people, I do not recommend it since I believe that real life dating better than making a relationship only by a screen.
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Next-Generation Digital Book [4]

Hello!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

solve in your sentence should be a noun
with the author is Al Gore that explains about solving the climate crisis.

Many advantages of this electronic

You are able to use "enormous" for replacing "many"

...screen, like search the location where we ...

It is really long sentence seriously, you have to divide it in 2-3 sentences.

To conclude, you have to pay attention to your sentences.
It will be better to take a look about complex sentence and conjunction.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Finland has the possibility to become the first country which avoids using coal as energy source. [2]

Article Summary: Finland set to become first country to ban coal use for energy

Finland has possibility to become the first county which avoids using coal as energy source. It will be announced soon, as the part of Finland effort for building new energy and climate strategy. Started from 2030, burning of coal for energy needs will be banned. As a matter of fact, using coal saw a steady drop since 2011, and in order to replace that, government have invested in renewable energy for the following year. It led to a twofold of wind energy capacity in 2012, costing almost €80 million. At the same time, Nordic energy prices except coal decreased gradually from 2010 to 2016, and caused coal-fired power plants dipped to 8 percent of coal's energy that had usually provided for nations. Honestly, it seems like radical step for stopping coal since enormous nations have tried and failed to realize it. Apart from that, this step still becomes really positive news since the more countries join the coal phase-out, the climate will be better as others will have force to do the same.

Source:
newscientist
nurainiyusuf16   
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED Summary) Robot that "show emotion" [6]

Hello David!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

I think you want to make a complex sentence here but I think it doesn't complete. Notice also that there are two Subject-Verb combinations. This will always be the case with complex sentences as there are two clauses.

You should write like this.
David Hanson as (...) his invention present a video to introduced a robot which has truly emotion like human.
Or change it into common sentence (s+v):
David Hanson as a robotic designer has opportunity to shows his invention,

It can give various expression such as smile, angry, and sad.

It also can responded and recognized people surrounding.

Remember modals + v1

... many developed ways to make robot like that.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 ( numerous teachers who acceptance in ontario over 7-year period) [6]

Hello @AK354!
Please kindly me to give you brief suggestions :)

1. Introduction
You should put:
- what the type graph about
- measurement
- what is the data
- period of time
Take a look at yours and mine below:
The bar graph illustrates the number of teachers who acceptance in ontario (...) measured by percentage.

2. Sentence structure and tenses
In contrast, English-language teachers was fell gradually ...
... English-language teachers were decreased extremely ...
After that, there was a slighty rose slight rise in 2005 by 3 percent.
Furthermore, there was decreased a moderate decrease to ...
The graph also showed French-language teachers was fell sharply from 70 ...
After that, there was a fluctuation between 2003 and 2007.
Finally, there was a peak in 2007 at 73 percent.
After that, there was a an upward trend ...

For next task, ATTACH THE GRAPH
it will help people to give corrections.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Companies have made their own standard for recruiting employees. [4]

Some people think when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, companies have made their own standard for recruiting the employees. Some people argue that those companies should take people who have self-contained and innovative. Meanwhile, others believe that able to work in a team and follow the instructions are more important. As far as I concern, both of criterion have to be had by employees but it has to appropriate with their job desk. This essay will first discuss about how innovative and independent people can help companies in certain condition, and then talk how work in a team and obedience of employees are useful.

Some pressures in worksite make the employees have to be innovative and able to work independently. When it comes to deadline and recessive condition, the worker are instructed to do something by their selves since other employees have to finish their task, but in the same time, they are still expected for resulting creative products. A study from psychological industry, stated that workers who independent and innovative can help their company in shrink condition. So, it is really important to have them in a company.

However, employees who able to work in a team and adherence are also have a merit. Taking a theory from Industrial Relationship, it stated that innovative is not enough for developing a business. I believe that when a company get larger, it will lead them to bigger goal, and for making it happen, it is impossible to be done by one person. At this time, companies need workers who able to follow the company's instructions and able to work in a team.

To conclude, either innovative and independent or team worker and obedience, all of those employees' characteristic is needed for developing the company. It just depends on the worker job desk.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hard work and persistence are believed as the keys to get success in life. However, others argue.. [2]

Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.

Hard work and persistence are believed as the keys to get success in life. However, others argue, there are other enormous factors to support people's triumphant. Personally, I believe that hard work and determination are not the only ones reason for successful life but I realise both factors become the keys. This essay will first discuss how decent line of family can help people to get their goals, and then talk how hard work and determination give strong benefit for people's winning.

In fact, some people have had a destiny as a success person, even before they are born. It can be seen from their family. An individual who born in rich family live with luxuries, and dead with their property. It is proven by some children from celebrities. They will be easier to get anything they want because of their descent line. All of facilities that are provided for them, make those children get high quality of education, health facilities, and any others. However, we are unable to make a generalisation for that since many people can handle that richness and dissipate it.

Honestly, I strongly believe that hard work and determination still become the biggest keys for getting success. Taking data from People Magazine, seventy eight from one hundred the most influence people over the world, such as Mark Zuckerberg (The founder of Facebook) and Steve Jobs (The founder of Apple inc.), was not born form wealthy family. What they have are strong determination for success and hard work.

All in all, I believe that hard work and determination are the key for people's successful though there are other factors which able to influence it.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Agus first, followed by Ahok, Anies: Pollster [3]

Hello Ryan!
I have re-write your summary, I put some correction there.

... that the highest proportion of governor in Jakarta was occupied by Agus Harimurti, at 29,5 %. This was followed by Ahok, at approximately 28.9 percent. Then, Anis Baswedan took the last position, solely at 26.7%. According to the Yunarto (...) said that, it would occur (...) since the candidate did not reach more than ...

I think it will be better if you use past tense since you describe about survey that have been done.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning a foreign language can be optimal in primary school, but the real language may bemuse them [3]

Children Learning a Foreign Language



Learning overseas language of children should start at primary school rather than secondary school. The opinion is revealed by some experts. Some people believe that it will be better, if they start it when they are younger since their brain in optimal working. However, others argue, learning too much language make children confused about their mother-tongue. This essay will first discuss how learning languages can be maximal in primary school, and then talk how it can make children muddled about their first language.

The pupils in primary school who learn foreign languages, sometimes they are founded dazed about what languages that they should say when speak to other people because they learn more than one way to communicate. Taking a theory of children languages, stated that children who learn too many languages in too young age will possibly be hard to differentiate which one their mother language and the foreign.

However, other merits follow this trend. Children will be easier for understanding the language since they start their learning from young age. Rose Mini, a children psychologist stated that a habit or activity that has started from children, harder to forget even they get older. It is proven that, learning language in primary school make it easier to understand and harder to forget. That is why, personally, I believe that even though it has a demerit, the merits still outweigh.

To conclude, learning foreign language for children can be optimal in primary school, though it has possibility to make them bemused about their real language.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of foreign visitors who come to the five countries between 1995 and 2010 [4]

Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

... visitors who come to the five different nations between 1995 and 2010 ...

Overall, the United State saw the highest visitors which rose steady from 1995 ...

and then rose dramatically and reach a peak at just under ...

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many parents choose to teach their children at home since they think it helps in their growing time [4]

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

At present, many parents choose to teach their children at home since they think it will provide best for children's growing time. Meanwhile, others argue, it is a necessary for children to go to formal education place. I believe that all of teaching methods are useful for pupils, all of them have merits and drawbacks, and it depends on parents' ability to tackle the problems that may happen. This essay will first discuss how children safety make them better to study at home, and then talk how importance school environment for their social life.

Violence becomes the biggest problem then why they choose to make their children stay at home, even for school needs. A recent study about children's development revealed almost eight in ten violence in children was happened in their environment, such as house surrounding and schools. It proves that the safest place for children is their home. For preventing something bad happens, parents argue children should stay at home where all family members can watch them.

However, children need their environment for growing up perfectly. Schools provide good circumstances for them. Rose Mini, a children psychologist, stated that all the children need for improving both social and academics is go to school since in the school, children can get friends for their social life and teacher for their academic. All of them make children be better in communication. I strongly believe that for building their personal characteristic, school is needed. But what parents have to aware is ensuring that their children are placed in a good school. Even it will be better, if they can accompany their children with age under 6, and for the rest just teach the how to protect their selves.

All in all, teaching children at home become the best choose for children's safety. However, children also need school circumstances for developing their social life. What parents should do is preparing their children to avoid the bad effects.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / One of the modern designs of houses is the underground house designed by the professionals [4]

Hello Ibe!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

One of the modern designs of houses (You may use "accomodation" to avoid almost same word in a sentence) is underground house, (You have to put comma here) where it is designed ...

Some believe that this (You may say "The design", it refers to the professional's) design has many advantages such as price low (Low price) and friendly environment.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Constructing an underground building in a rural area [2]

Hello Andika!
Allow me to give you several suggestion.

... the experimental design for house by ...

It will be better, if you use "housing" than "house"

Past perfect
You should say, "Therefore, the rural area had been chosen ..."

Simple past
You should say" This was because that the materials could absorb the sunlight."

Simple past
You should say "Afterwards, it could be useful to ..."

Simple past
You should say "materials as with this way it could reduce the negative ..."

Remember!
Can = Present
Could = Past

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, a job for developing communities has taken by adult youths [2]

Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

Nowadays, a job for developing communities has taken by adult youths. Some people believe that working for communities should be free while others think, they should get paid. Personally, I believe that all people want to work for their communities without salary, but for some people, it is hard since it cannot be denied, they need money to stay alive. This essay will first discuss about people who should work voluntary, and then talk about others that should get salary.

Volunteerism, a term for defining a job in order to develop society without salary, is usually done by people with age group 18-30 years old. For people who have an occupation, they usually do this in their weekend or in the rest of their workday. Those people are the ones that do not take salary by working in societies. Even they routinely spend their expenditure with aim to communities and public needs.

However, for some people, I agree that they have to give a reasonable paid for working in communities. For instance, the leaders of communities who spend most of their time and effort for better community, they should given a salary. Those people need money as well as other, also for their family. So, it is suitable for them to get some money from working in the communities.

All in all, I believe that people want to work in their communities sincerely. But for people who the work as the main job, giving a salary is something that equitable for them.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce them? [3]

What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

As the impact of civilisation improvement, all nations in the worldwide prepare their self for their idea to be a millennium country. Preparing their future generation becomes the biggest preparation for them. But sometimes, big pressure has to be deal by children for making the idea comes true. Especially in academic life, students have to face out hard curriculum, spend most of their time with it, and feel under pressure because of that. This essay will first discuss about how academic could make children feeling high pressure, and then talk about how changing of curriculum be the best solution.

Nowadays, schools, teacher, books, and all of things that relate to education become something that is avoided by children. Too much pressure for improving their cognitive makes them exhausted and saturated. Owing to the fact, which is revealed by a children psychologist, most of children felt great stressed because of pressures that they got in academic. A plenty of them even had willingness to refuse next degree of education since they think what they got in school only pressure that make them uncomfortable. It also affects to their social and commercial perspective which damage due to their feelings.

However, there is one solution that we can do to prevent this continuity pressure, which is by changing of curriculum. It is proven by most of schools in Purwokerto, Indonesia, they changed the curriculum to the flexible one, which students only attend to school five days a week, and only spent six hours at school. It makes students delightful since in the rest of time they can spend it by playing and helping their parents in farmland.

All in all, education is a main necessary for children, but too much pressure is not good for them. Designing curriculum for children is the best way for reaching both health and smart generation.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of pupils who passed the final examination in their secondary school [3]

Hello Pram!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

... pupils who passed the final examination (...) subjects and sexes from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage, is provided by bar graph.

..., and geography was the hardest one for them.

The easiest and the hardest?
I am afraid that you get misunderstanding about the data.
The percentage refers to the number of students. It doesn't relate to how difficult or easy the exam is.

Keep better! Fighting :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The conclusion after analyzing the bar chart on disbursements in some countries [2]

Hello Reski!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

..., health care were the smaller

smaller -> comparison
The smallest -> superlative

... were the higher percentage than others.

higher-> comparison
The highest -> superlative

However, Japan havehad 10% in transportation categories ...

PAST TENSE

On the contrary, food was the highesttook higher percentage tha n health care and clothing.

Instead of using those words repetitively, I suggest you these similar words.
Food = Groceries
Housing = Accommodation
Clothing = Dress needs

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Verifying the standards of accountability among high school students in special tests [2]

Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestions!

Percent must follow by number
It should be "covered by percentage between 2010 and 2011 is revealed in the bar chart"

Firstly, the proportion of ...

Firstly, the percentage of ...

Avoid to explain something by using same style of sentences.

one percent higher than the males at 47.4 ...

...was twice bigger than for the males (14.1%).
Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Food, housing, and transportation became the primary needs in four nations during 2009 [2]

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

A comparison of people's spending in four different nations for five main necessaries during 2009, measured by percentage is revealed in the table. As a general trend, most of expenditures in the UK and in the US, Canada as well, was spent for accommodation. Meanwhile, groceries were chosen by Japan Nation as the largest proportion.

Food, housing, and transportation became the primary needs for all of the countries though each had different proportion. Three of countries chose resident need as the first necessary for their life, they had almost a quarter. Meanwhile, for food, Japan saw the largest proportion by 1 percent bigger then accommodation. While UK at two in ten, and the rest countries stayed at below 15 percent. Canada took the largest proportion while Japan as the least.

Look at the detail, health care and dress needs had the smallest proportion below one in ten. Even for Japan, both categories stand at under 5 percent. Meanwhile, the UK expenditure for keeping health facilities was only at 1 percent.



  • Shares of expenditures for five major categories
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The volume of senior high school students who passed their exams, based on major and gender [4]

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

A comparison of the proportion of senior high school students who passed their exams, based on major and sex, from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage is revealed in the bar chart. Overall, computer science took the biggest percentage of female students. It also had the largest gap for both gender. Meanwhile, mathematics, foreign languages, and physics did not show a lot of difference between girls and boys.

The three subjects which had the largest percentage were reached by overseas languages, mathematics, and computers. All of those subjects had the percentage above four in ten. Computers science owned over a half of female pupils, bigger than the females by 14.1 percent. Meanwhile, other two majors had a relative same proportion. Though, the percentage of males fewer than females at 46.8 percent for the languages and mathematics at 48.4 percent, it was only by 1 percent.

Other majors, at below 30 percent, were chemistry, history, and geography. The largest gap was showed by chemistry, the girls had almost twofold than the boy at three in ten. History and geography had proportion with range 20-30 percent for both sex. At the same time, in physics subject, the females got 36.7 percent fewer by 2 percent than the males.



  • The percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The "housing" category in United States had higher proportion of expenditure than others [3]

Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestions :)

... in United States was higherthe highest proportion of

Besides, the percentage of expenditure because of " health care" in The United States was ...

Then, Canada that had (...) in The United Kingdom (six percent)
Unclear sentence, you may check it again.

Firstly, Canada and Japan had ...
Firstly, the proportion of expenditure ...
Avoid to explain something by using same style of sentences.

After thatThus , the percentage of "housing" category ...

Instead of using those words repetitively, I suggest you these similar words.
Food = Groceries
Housing = Accommodation
Clothing = Dress needs

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about the subjects of high school exam which are passed by both gender students [3]

Hello Ifraa!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

... which were passed by girls got higher proportion, especially in computer science experienced the largest percentage, whereas boys gained ...

Girls students dominated in computer ...

... the percentage of females and males students ...

Pay attention to you subject verb agreement.
Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Spendings of four big countries in the world for various purposes [2]

Hello ifraaa!
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)

Instead of using those words repetitively, I suggest you these similiar words.
Food = Groceries
Housing = Accomodation
Transportation = Travel needs

... gained 20% and 15% respectively, and. Canada dominated in ...

... and clothing witnessed the fewer expenditures ...
You do not need put article "the" for comparing. Exception for superlative.

Thankyou!
Fighting!
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of people's consumption - four necessities and four different countries in 2009 [3]

Hello Anna!
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)

... in four necessities for four different countries ...

Overall, housing was the most things ...

You may use accommodation for paraphrasing housing

US expended one in twenty larger ...

Unclear sentence, I guess you put wrong data here
US expended one in twenty larger in housing and around 2.5% in healthcare respectively than Canada did
US in housing = almost 25 percent
One in twenty = 5 percent

United Kingdom and Japan had the largest ...

Wrong data again here!
US = 17.5%
UK = 15%
Canada = 20%
Japan = 10%
The United States and Japan had the largest point in transportation expenditures.

Honestly, I couldn't find a clear grouping in your task.
May your next task will be better. Fighting!
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that construction and development of libraries are wasting money [2]

Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?

As the impact of advance technology, some people argue that construction and development of libraries are wasting money since they can get the information by using internet. I totally disagree with the notion because I still believe that library is important for science growth. This essay will first discuss about how quality of information in library make it is so important, and then talk about why using internet for looking information should be reduce.

The best way to get high quality information is going to the library. It is proven by a data from Research Publication Department in Cambridge University, revealed about eight in ten researcher chose to publish their study in a book than in digital journal. They thought that when an article posted on internet, it became public own and they could change the content by their self, it so dangerous for science development.

Fake data in internet is so easy to find since people freely to write what they want without control by experts. A study about digital information had been done by Education and Technology Department, Nanyang Technology University, found that almost a half of information on the Internet was written by unknown people or an expert one. Many of writer said that they even sometimes added additional fake information for making their reader interest to read the article. The only one that they thought was the reader rate of their writing. They did not care about the quality of the content.

To sum up, I strongly believe that library still becomes the place to get information since we cannot fully believe all of information on the internet due to the fake.