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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 83)

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"The Cuban Refugee Musician" -- 250 word essay.

4 - Our differences helped me understand the commodities in which I indulge. in . Within me grew a second-hand...

ScholarshipFrydafly - Jan 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 12, 2010
Leaders are made, not born - leadership experience essay

2 - It would strengthen your essay if you included examples of your interaction with others that helped your brother. You...

Scholarshiplowcal - Jan 10, 2010 / linmark - Jan 11, 2010
Dual Enrollment Program - Courses that are difficult for me

2 - The sudden passion for history,(delete comma) kindled the research of my origins. DiscoveringI discovered that I came from...

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 10, 2010 / ScatterBrain - Jan 10, 2010
Long and short term goals (to be a pharmacist)

NEW - PROMPT: Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities? Be specific in describing...

ScholarshipNT159 - Jan 10, 2010 / — -
Volunteering + Against Tabacco: Why my community is important to me?

2 - Although this rule is often broken, it is better not to start a sentence with a conjunction: And ...

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 10, 2010
Commonapp essay - Encounter a beggar

3 - So overall, I don't think this says enough about you to be your personal statement. If you really want...

Scholarshiphbrad8002 - Jan 4, 2010 / twizzlestraw - Jan 10, 2010
Gates-unfair situation- I had a voice and I wanted it to be heard.

3 - Thank you for the suggestion. I can see where the teen rebellion comes into play, but the rest of...

ScholarshipNT159 - Jan 8, 2010 / NT159 - Jan 9, 2010
Leadership.Football, School, Family

3 - thanx i really appreciate this you dnt kno how much this means to me...

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 8, 2010 / chuncky13 - Jan 9, 2010
Math and science - discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled

3 - I think you should write your accomplishments from excelling through this subject....

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 6, 2010 / shaistak143 - Jan 8, 2010
Long and short term goals (to become a world renowned doctor)

3 - I really do appreciate your helpful corrctions. I mean i really appreciateit. Thanx alot...

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 8, 2010 / chuncky13 - Jan 8, 2010
Essay in subjects in which you have excelled.To what factors do you attribute it

3 - "She has open up our mind to look beyond the words written on a piece of paper." "She...

Scholarshiplic12 - Jan 7, 2010 / NT159 - Jan 8, 2010
Subjects you've had difficulty with.

3 - Overall the essay didn't answer the prompt's underlying question. It started off very blantantly obnoxious for the reading to...

Scholarshipchuncky13 - Jan 7, 2010 / NT159 - Jan 8, 2010
Gates Scholarship-An Unfair Experience

7 - You should conclude by emphasizing what the experience says about you, as in you believe in being fair and...

Scholarshipakil71192 - Dec 29, 2009 / badromance - Jan 7, 2010
The Human Body: My Passion -- short essay.

2 - Captivating introduction! Love the details :) I think you need to clarify how your neighbor's small business/home opened your...

ScholarshipFrydafly - Jan 7, 2010 / CalLover - Jan 7, 2010
Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. Your success?

5 - I would say i excel most in my CAD...

Scholarshipmelisa814 - Jan 5, 2010 / limpbizkit - Jan 7, 2010
SMU Hunt Scholarship Essay-- How should I start????

7 - Thanks Janson I appreciate the feedback. So I should start my essay with an ancedote about my leadership abililtes...

Scholarshipericao2010 - Jan 2, 2010 / ericao2010 - Jan 7, 2010
scholarship: saving poverty housing

8 - i like it but cut it down a bit more use (; to combine some). also, u might want...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Dec 29, 2009 / smallick13 - Jan 5, 2010
Blackbird by the Beatles -- the work of music that inspired me. 250 word essay.

2 - Couple of pointers "among other things" VAGUE. I would just remove or put in a more specif bit...

ScholarshipFrydafly - Jan 3, 2010 / bilodeau54 - Jan 3, 2010
Engineering and Mathematics, subjects in which you excel or have excelled.

3 - Thanks alot! What about the rest of the essay?...

Scholarshipxue - Dec 30, 2009 / xue - Jan 2, 2010
Holt Endowed scholarship essay - VIETNAM CAN DO

4 - Thanks for fixing. How can I make my essay sound better?...

Scholarshiptramchip - Dec 31, 2009 / tramchip - Dec 31, 2009
Defeating the Silent Killer

NEW - Applicants must submit a personal statement that provides information about their community involvement, career goals and desire to contribute...

Scholarshiplowcal - Dec 30, 2009 / — -
Scholarship: inspiration from faure

3 - yay thank you kev!! you always help me improve my essays! :D...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Dec 28, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Dec 29, 2009
"Anything is possible if you wish hard enough"Founder's scholarship to study abroad!

2 - is altered the right word? yes it means change, but altered seems to fit elsewhere. why...

Scholarshipsymmetrybox - Dec 21, 2009 / meisj0n - Dec 22, 2009
Study Abroad Essay (to become a psychologist)

8 - got accepted in the program ;)...

Scholarshipjustin504 - Nov 10, 2009 / justin504 - Dec 18, 2009
"My desire for flight" scholarship essay help wanted

3 - Thank you for your help. I am glad you found it interesting, but is it interesting enough to compel...

Scholarshipmelb - Dec 14, 2009 / melb - Dec 16, 2009
The field of accounting + paid experience + scholarship action - Syracuse Essay

7 - I don't know what parts were copied, so I had to remove it. It's important not to make that...

Scholarshiptmac - Dec 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 6, 2009
Essay for Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program

4 - This was ten years ago and my motivations for pursuing medicine have changed -- but my aspiration to become...

Scholarshiptanyaann - Nov 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 2, 2009
Morrill Scholarship Essay for OSU

2 - Let's fix up this important part of the essay: the end of the first paragraph. My life has...

Scholarshipmicaredi - Nov 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2009
Scholarship essay: community service activity Hurricane katrina

2 - The idea behind the first para is good, but it is not helpful to say people from all walks...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Nov 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
I didn't earn my internship in Changzhou American International School easily

3 - Thanx Yooyoung!You're absolutely right!...

Scholarshipcamboj - Nov 24, 2009 / camboj - Nov 24, 2009
Mathematics is my passion - Saint Louis University Scholarship Essay

3 - ^These are all singular but you talk about soccer and mathematics :/ I would imagine that this...

Scholarshipryman522 - Nov 19, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Nov 20, 2009
a surfeit of mortgages - BU Scholarship Essay

4 - Ah!! It will be better if you take a side, or say something assertive in that first paragraph! Don't...

Scholarshipraven - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
UW Honors/ Good citizenship comes from good scholarship

6 - Nice analysis! But, perhaps you can create a more interesting first sentece. If one does not fully understand the...

ScholarshiptobeJames - Nov 14, 2009 / lahariv - Nov 15, 2009
"Explore Whatever you wanted for one year" has really put me in a corner.

3 - If this is for a scholarship, you have to be clever about earning it. I say do not write...

Scholarshipmmiiaa - Nov 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 12, 2009
"Page 87" Autobiography-VCU Scholarship Essay

5 - I like to trim out the unnecessary phrases: Monkeys screeching, exotic birds chirping -- my early morning wake up...

Scholarshipst21 - Nov 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 12, 2009
"Life is always full of T-junctions" - A scholarship essay: personal statement

4 - ...living as alternatives to farming. The number of abandoned fields are increasing, year after year . This scene creates...

Scholarshiphavan89 - Nov 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 10, 2009
Guideline for Motivation Essay writing (graduate admission and scholarship)

3 - I think the most important thing is to write with your PURPOSE in mind. What is your purpose with...

Scholarshipsaimurkhan - Nov 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 10, 2009
Motivational essay for scholarship at cbs.

4 - hello at the end you should also say that you appreciate it for them to take the time...

ScholarshipMasloc - Nov 2, 2009 / alibaba 1983 - Nov 9, 2009
"Good citizenship comes from good scholarship." - U Washington,Seattle (Honors)

3 - Very good! When you start with that quote, though, tell who said it or where you heard it. I...

Scholarshippmr1692 - Nov 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
$70,000 Scholarship essay - Community leadership/involvement

3 - I think you start off quite emotionally, so you need to explain more about that frightened patient. And yes,...

Scholarshiphope101 - Oct 29, 2009 / Ninja - Oct 29, 2009
"fairly knowledgeable of the Bible" - Scholarship Essay

4 - I think that the revision is better from a purely objective essay perspective. If I were grading it, this...

ScholarshipQuickStudy - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
What can you contribute to ___ essay? - alumni scholarship

11 - So... What do you think? What is the role of alumni in the development of a school? Do some...

Scholarshipcgee89 - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Oct 3, 2009
Spiral - a scholarship application

4 - Thanks for the feedback. I see your point about the first sentence, in writing it I seem to have...

Scholarshipozric - Oct 1, 2009 / ozric - Oct 1, 2009
IvySelect Scholarship Personal Statement

8 - Ok, thank you....

ScholarshipOhboi - Sep 28, 2009 / Ohboi - Sep 30, 2009
The image of the young boy; Scholarship/ Lancaster

2 - Pretty good. Some minor stuff: This drew me to study economics because e conomists are able to explain...

Scholarshiptawostar - Sep 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 26, 2009
How to get scholarship to study abroad? (architecture)

7 - Just go to your school's financial aid office....

Scholarshipsayrithy - Aug 29, 2009 / zhoudongzhou - Sep 23, 2009
"A good teacher is like a candle" - Scholarship Essay

5 - ^You do not answer this very important part of the essay prompt well enough. Your essay rambles a...

Scholarshiphannabanana_16 - Sep 10, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 12, 2009
"Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th." Rhodes Scholarship Essay

7 - Hello Simone, Once again i am extremely thankful and truly appreciate your efforts in this regard.Thank you ever...

Scholarshipmuhammadhayat86 - Aug 24, 2009 / muhammadhayat86 - Aug 29, 2009
Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science

11 - This is just so bland that I fall asleep before the end of the sentence. Not a great...

ScholarshipHiImShante - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
Scholarship essay, Challenges/factors in life that make you who you are

4 - Wow. That's a dense essay. You got tired by the end, eh? And just stopped. You need a much...

Scholarshipsweetchic6893 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 11, 2009
MSU Personal Statement and Scholarship Essay

4 - Actually, 36 is OK. Twenty, thirty, forty, and the like should be spelled out, but compound numbers like thirty-six...

Scholarshipmichellemariex5 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009
Scholarship essay question help, your sense of humor, your personality

5 - Yes, that's a start. From this, we can learn that you are observant, empathic, and culturally sensitive. We also...

Scholarshipwoodhorse22 - Aug 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009
SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY:MY ASPIRATION CAREER AS A LAWYER.

3 - You might start by asking yourself what sort of lawyer you want to become. Civil? Criminal? If the former,...

Scholarshipjayun - Jul 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 23, 2009
Music scholarship personal statement

NEW - this is the personal stament for the master's degrees in music it's really long,,,,and i'm not sure about my...

Scholarshipwawadiary - Jul 23, 2009 / — -
MBA Scholarship Short Personal Statement

12 - Also, you might want to try to tie together all of the items you list so that your essay...

Scholarshipedleonardo - Jul 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 17, 2009
What should be the right format for my scholarship essay?

4 - You might want to post said essay here, too, if you haven't already handed it in....

ScholarshipKumalein - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
What should I do with the opening? (applying for a scholarship)

7 - Conciseness is good. That said, the best writers employ a variety of sentence lengths and structures to keep their...

Scholarshiphilarydang - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009
medical doctor for a postgraduate scholarship

6 - If you like, your cover letter can simply ask for consideration and identify the attached application items. If, however,...

Scholarshipmarilyn007 - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 5, 2009
I need some advice on ideas - "Why do I deserve the scholarship"   2

42 - ^ Sorry I don't really understand what you meant, but certainly I'm going for this schlarship (: I know...

ScholarshipFiyero - Jun 17, 2009 / Fiyero - Jul 3, 2009
'Bournemouth University has one of the most advance educations in the world' - BU scholarship essay

31 - thank you very much simone and sean... i really appreciate your help.. yes i've learnt a lot.. and definitely...

Scholarshipcvani - Jun 28, 2009 / cvani - Jul 2, 2009

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