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|When I first heard the news that I was moving to Brooklyn, I felt overwhelmed with anger - challenge
8 - It depends upon the criteria used to select scholarship recipients. If they are looking for someone who has accomplished...
Undergraduateatikin - Jun 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 22, 2009
|'study methods required to survive in college' - Statement regarding GPA
11 - Yes, it would only take a sentence or two to specify your new study habits. It is, of course,...
UndergraduateDrudoy - Jun 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 21, 2009
|Spinning my life events into academic potential - Letter of academic intent
Undergraduatearoundandaround - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 18, 2009
|"Comrade Hu and passion for languages" - College Admissions Essay Introduction
13 - I'll just say again that I really like this introduction. In addition to being fresh and engaging, the allusions...
Undergraduatelewa - Jun 14, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
|Skills Test Essay Seneca college (fall 2009)
6 - Ask the college. Most colleges that use skills tests provide example tests from previous years....
UndergraduateAna - Jun 14, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
|The importance of Register in Marketing professions
7 - The question really, really doesn't make sense. I was wondering if there was a concept of "register" in marketing...
Undergraduateroxygirllie - Jun 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 13, 2009
|Applying to Rutgers Fall 09; 'vibrant and vivacious community'
UndergraduateSnowblind - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 12, 2009
|Master' s Degree in Social Work - admission essay
3 - You say that "During my work period I got an opportunity to closely observe every political, criminal and social...
UndergraduateJoe_7 - Jun 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 12, 2009
|UC Personal Statements: Suggestions for revising?
7 - You know, in Sociology there's a "Front and backstage." People would rather not hear things which make them...
UndergraduateTachy - May 27, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 10, 2009
|UCF Essay:Why did you choose to apply to UCF? ("Christmas 1997")
UndergraduateDeMoney30 - Jun 8, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 8, 2009
|short answer on extracurricular activities (need to reduce the word count)
5 - To make this a real learning experience, compare Gautama and Notoman's versions -- which stay close to your own...
Undergraduateadanne1990 - Jun 8, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 8, 2009
|Personal Essay/Personal Statement, "connection between me and science"
10 - Okay, but you see how the original phrasing was confusing. Simone and I each interpreted it differently, and we're...
Undergraduateadanne1990 - May 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
|Statement of Purpose to Edinburgh University (logical extention of my academics)
5 - When revising for this sort of error, try reading what you have written aloud. Whenever you pause in your...
UndergraduateEssi - Jun 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
|"To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field?
14 - Thanks very much for all of your help. EF Simone: I will gladly critique other's essays on this website....
UndergraduateDancingDoc - May 26, 2009 / DancingDoc - Jun 8, 2009
|brief essay explaining your educational and career goals
7 - Also, when you post your new thread, try including a rough draft of whatever you can come up with...
Undergraduatefuzzy - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
|If you were refrained one year from going to college, what would you do?
3 - You discuss yourself in an oddly hypothetical manner: "If I did not live in Georgia," "my Job (if I...
Undergraduatelamar199324 - Jun 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
|'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam
13 - However, the word "foreigner" is not in and of itself pejorative, as certain ethnic slurs are. If it has...
UndergraduateFederico - May 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
|"Son,I want you to be an owner of a big department store";Ryerson - Retail Management
Undergraduatesohelmatrix - May 31, 2009 / sohelmatrix - Jun 1, 2009
|American Summer Camp in Kayrakkum, Tajikistan
4 - Well, why do you want to attend the camp? Is it to broaden your mind? Meet new people? Experience...
UndergraduateShade45 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
|LMU supplement essay- REFLECTIONS FROM HER OLDER SELF
Undergraduateemilysm - May 29, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 31, 2009
|Essay about my self: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor
6 - If I were you, firstly I will think of which one aspect of yourself can mostly attract your Instructor.Then...
Undergraduatespider20092002 - May 14, 2009 / eric_ly - May 30, 2009
|Firmly believe it is the best university for me; U Ryerson; Why apply?
12 - That's a good suggestion even if your interest is sincere. When writing an application of any kind -- job...
Undergraduatenuri - May 25, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009
|Personal Essay (the college of Medicine)
3 - Simone, I'm so glad you mentioned "indecision." I could not find the words to express what I wanted to...
Undergraduatesammour - May 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 25, 2009
|University of Wisconsin essay help - technically I am transferring
6 - I'd say the essays are pretty important, if only because they show how much a student wants to get...
Undergraduatenodnarb402 - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 23, 2009
|A time-travel machine to go back in time in your own life and change something
22 - Your verb use is fine, as far as strength goes. I suspect that you have sometimes sacrificed grammatical accuracy...
Undergraduateivan9210 - May 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 23, 2009
|people set the goals in the life which they think they can achieve
6 - Thanks a billion Kevin, I will surely do these things. No I don't have to write sepecifically about...
UndergraduateIndian - May 19, 2009 / Indian - May 21, 2009
|Fashion is unique, it's the walking art. Short Essay for Art Institute in Seattle
4 - I am excited about workin g for a company that not only supports their employees ' imagination and creativity,...
UndergraduateMari_Jo - May 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 18, 2009
|Statement Of Purpose for Imperial university U.K.
Undergraduatearsene_g2000 - May 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 15, 2009
|BA in gaming, how to start a paragraph?
3 - The opening paragraph should be a psychological attack on the senses; it should surprise the reader with something unexpected,...
Undergraduatemudasirmnm - May 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 15, 2009
|"The Heights"; summer school program
3 - Hopefully you'll outgrow this on your own because my telling you it, won't from here on spur you to...
UndergraduateJackSmackle - May 14, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 14, 2009
|Hopsital Soap Opera - college classification essay
3 - I really like the gallery of people you introduce. However, if this is meant as a college admissions essay,...
Undergraduatesophiacelise - May 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 14, 2009
|"I am among those who think that science has great beauty"; PERSONAL STATEMENT (Pharmacy )
16 - I've always just heard it called "mixed metpahors," but it isn't all that difficult to fix: I am...
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 14, 2009
|Intermediate Level in science stream
4 - "I want to proceed further in my studies in the same stream at a foreign institution." "I have...
Undergraduateharry - May 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 13, 2009
|Essay correction, activities - Yuanyang, China
7 - At the end, you should add a sentence or two that captures what the experience taught you, how it...
Undergraduatenunya415 - Dec 20, 2008 / EF_Sean - May 13, 2009
|"I entered China as a typical spoiled American teenager" -UC Prompt 2
Undergraduatenunya415 - Nov 28, 2008 / nunya415 - May 13, 2009
|"Untitled" General Personal Statement
4 - How about this way: Carrie Bradshaw idolizes them. Michael Jordan markets them. The Wizard of Oz told Dorothy...
Undergraduatebstrickland - May 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 9, 2009
|qualities that would make you a good candidate for engineering-essay
4 - Hi tjay1988, I think that you should state more clearly your two qualities and add transitional words (or...
Undergraduatetjay1988 - May 7, 2009 / Thuong - May 8, 2009
|work hard, find the best in each other, and live with confidence.
6 - I just finished advising someone else to do this, but it bears repeating here -- use strong verbs. Read...
Undergraduateshupirate2013 - May 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 8, 2009
|'It is something extra' - Personal Statement (the European Business School London)
9 - Cutting is easy, when it other people's writing you are cutting. When you have to cut your own stuff,...
Undergraduatecommeleciel - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 8, 2009
|My Father as a source of inspiration and enlightenment to me
13 - From my place I am thankful for every lesson he taught me, especially those lessons that I was going...
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 5, 2009
|Summer Calculus and it's Interdisciplinary Role
3 - In April of 2007 , when I applied for Columbia's Summer High School Program, I remember writing about my...
Undergraduatebizkitgirlzc - May 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 4, 2009
|Personal Statement ("It is important to break the pattern!")
5 - Thank you all for your responses! It really helped me "clean" up my story. I will probably post...
Undergraduateannaemilia - Apr 22, 2009 / annaemilia - May 3, 2009
|There were times when I didn't craved for life. A shiny new car. (obstacle or bump essay)
4 - Working at the family restaurant was one of the darkest moment in my life. You should probably elaborate...
Undergraduatejinnayfa - Apr 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 2, 2009
|US Prep school admission essay -- my future dream of being a diplomat
7 - so any comments about writing an admission paragraph :( i prefer an essay. it's easier to tell a story...
UndergraduateemLy - Apr 29, 2009 / emLy - May 2, 2009
|Reply letter to __ college for not being able to accept the admission offer.
5 - hi kevin. thank you for your help. I have sent the letter correcting my mistakes. By sending this...
Undergraduatesanjaygir - Apr 29, 2009 / sanjaygir - May 1, 2009
|Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose
Undergraduateanni - Apr 21, 2009 / anni - Apr 30, 2009
|'in love with the stage' - Common App--Elaborate an Activity
13 - Really really thank you very much!!! That really helps me out. I don't know how to thank for your...
UndergraduateStefanie Chan - Apr 20, 2009 / Stefanie Chan - Apr 30, 2009
|Personal Statement - Most important invention, and more.
Undergraduatechinhnguyen7 - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 30, 2009
|Fall 2009: UCF ADMISSIONS ESSAY. 2 questions only.
4 - However, growing up as a teenager in Huntsville, Alabama and Seminole, Florida made it hard to... The Caribbean...
Undergraduatesweet_aisho - Apr 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 29, 2009
|Galaxies and Stars - BC essay. your career and academic goals.
4 - Hey, I think this sentence does not need the "unfortunately": Well, unfortunately it took me 16 years to understand...
Undergraduatenewsha31 - Apr 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 29, 2009
|Visiting Hoa Sen Charity Shelter
2 - Seeing their tears drop while they told tragic stories about their lives before being adopted into the shelter, I...
Undergraduatechinhnguyen7 - Apr 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 27, 2009
|People face a dilemma where do they get the best suggestion from?
10 - Okay, you say, "By taking suggestion from older friends, one has an excellent opportunity to learn about solving problems...
Undergraduateflorazhou - Apr 24, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009
|Goal setting is a powerful process; U Tirana/ AUBG (Broaden my global perspective)
Undergraduaterinori89 - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 26, 2009
|Essay for FSU (From Belgium to New Jersey)
6 - You're on the right track. I would point out, however, that you probably don't mean this: "The Vires and...
UndergraduateCalinecat7 - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 24, 2009
|Another school in Washington Personal Statement[transfer]
4 - Kofi Annan was the Secratary General of the UN, so don't just call him a diplomat. Maybe you should...
Undergraduateanella - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 23, 2009
|New Personal Statement [transfer], University of Washington Seattle
Undergraduateanella - Apr 21, 2009 / anella - Apr 22, 2009
|Statement of purpose / design (student exchange program)
3 - Also, I experienced the foreign cultures and met diverse people during the travel. Oh, I see that Anna corrected...
Undergraduatejjinvvang - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 21, 2009
|Transferring from Wright College to Rockford College
3 - Yes, you want to revise this essay to make sure you give a better impression of yourself. At the...
Undergraduatekmichelle831 - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 21, 2009
|I left Hong Kong in 2007 and became a student at Bowling Green State University in Ohio - common app
UndergraduateStefanie Chan - Apr 15, 2009 / Stefanie Chan - Apr 21, 2009
|Arts and Festival DVD recording. Common app - elaborate one activity (150 words).
2 - "After the school Arts Festival closing, I suggested engaging in a research study" Who did you suggest this to?...
Undergraduatejoanna2007114 - Apr 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 19, 2009
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