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|"successful artist" - The University of Texas at Austin
11 - Thanks, Kevin and John!!! And thanks to the ones that had commented previously as well!!! This is my final...
Undergraduatebabevi - Feb 11, 2009 / babevi - Feb 24, 2009
|NJIT what academic, educational, or other experiences have you had
4 - thanks a lot...
Undergraduateyasin391 - Feb 22, 2009 / yasin391 - Feb 24, 2009
|Critical moment essay; Memory....is the diary that we all carry about with us
6 - thanks so much for your help I really appreciate all the grammar mistakes you corrected and all of your...
Undergraduatecoriimon - Feb 22, 2009 / coriimon - Feb 24, 2009
|My father was an ordinary business man; Ryerson (reasons, details)
Undergraduateinfatuation - Feb 23, 2009 / infatuation - Feb 24, 2009
|admission essay (clear goals in medicine)
4 - In the last sentence of the first paragraph, you might want to refer back to that moment that you...
Undergraduateseu3 - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 24, 2009
|Stanford Essay - Medical: academic weekday, experience, low-income, health
2 - Hmmmm . . . perhaps you should break this up into several threads, by posting each essay as its...
Undergraduateangel2u2000 - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
|Activity since secondary school
Undergraduatemelat - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
|UT Transfer SOP Essay (theatre technician)
3 - This essay is very well-written. You have a great style, and tell an interesting story. The conclusion does seem...
Undergraduatemetrion - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
|'Want to become a business woman' - transfer essay (what I can learn from life)
4 - You're getting there. Some more suggestions: "I always ask myself what I can learn from life, and the...
Undergraduatemichelle127 - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
|Common App Essay - about me (special cakes)
Undergraduatehannahaltheakay - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2009
|PSEOP Admission Essay - post secondary essay (every ounce I have)
Undergraduatemedgirl44 - Feb 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2009
|American University in Cairo (what's best for me)
2 - Moreover it's the premier English language university in the region where students from different segments of Egyptian society can...
Undergraduatearwa - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2009
|"Freedom is like air", UT Austin, statement of purpose
4 - "Upon graduation, I will strive to help my fellow man and improve our communities." I would try changing...
Undergraduatesoultrang9 - Feb 20, 2009 / shan00ts - Feb 22, 2009
|I longed to do a Sport Management Major; UT Austin- SOP
6 - You should not make your essay too long, because it would make the admissions tired... Also they may look...
Undergraduatetsumlakers88 - Feb 18, 2009 / yasin391 - Feb 22, 2009
|How is school meeting your needs? Columbia transfer essay.
UndergraduateYuta - Feb 18, 2009 / Yuta - Feb 22, 2009
|Georgetown - Somalian Pirates
8 - Pirates are indeed criminals, and not terrorists, when they carry out their activities for financial gain. The mistaken nomenclature...
Undergraduatemissingfeet - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 21, 2009
|'years as a police officer' - SOP Essay for UT - Austin
5 - Hey, specific is good in this case, for sure. You might want to say "a focus on developmental psychology"...
Undergraduaterustydoornob - Feb 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 21, 2009
|common app short answer- macaroni penguins
Undergraduateprettylush - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 21, 2009
|LITERATURE TO MEDICINE; UT at Austin - TRANSFER (SOP)
14 - Yeah, the essay seems solid as it stands. Really, saving someone's life versus free snacks -- it would be...
Undergraduateklynette - Feb 12, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 21, 2009
|My 2nd Admissions Essay for University of Austin, become more independent
3 - From My mother, my girlfriend, and even my current job have all had an impact on me not being...
Undergraduatetsumlakers88 - Feb 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 19, 2009
|'I remember my past' - A personal statement- Accomplishment
Undergraduatesanjaygir - Feb 10, 2009 / melat - Feb 18, 2009
|'My friend and Orlando Culinary Academy' - WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO APPLY TO UCF
Undergraduatesushisbaby - Feb 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2009
|Personal statement for UW app; "How on earth did I get here?"
UndergraduateMr Graves - Feb 17, 2009 / Mr Graves - Feb 17, 2009
|Do you think that you are a particularly suitable candidate for an award
4 - The length is excessive. Cut stuff out ruthlessly, as Kevin suggested. Coherency seems okay, though I tend to...
Undergraduateajayemisi - Feb 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 17, 2009
|U. of Wash. -- Transfer Application Essay (Personal Statement)
8 - Great second draft. Make sure you use tenses consistently, though -- you tend to drift between two different ones...
Undergraduategarrett - Feb 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 16, 2009
|BYU-What sets you apart from other applicants on unique life experience
4 - I feel that essay has some problem. 3 paragraphs above You only talk about how you tried to improve....
Undergraduatesanjaygir - Jan 30, 2009 / shine lee - Feb 16, 2009
|Common app Short Answer (cyber competition)
UndergraduateNoob in writing - Feb 10, 2009 / Noob in writing - Feb 15, 2009
|essay describing activities sinnce secondary school
Undergraduatebidurtiwari - Feb 15, 2009 / bidurtiwari - Feb 15, 2009
|Career goals and importance of college education in attaining them
12 - To Kevin- Thank you so much your advice will help me make my essay more consistent and organized. To...
Undergraduate4ever2bleed - Oct 12, 2008 / 4ever2bleed - Feb 15, 2009
|Describe your educational and career goals - a summer research program
Undergraduatedukle - Feb 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2009
|MICA application: (Autobiographical Essay)
3 - Haha, thanks Kevin. Those are some good points, I know I tend not to explain a lot when there's...
Undergraduateflio191 - Feb 13, 2009 / flio191 - Feb 13, 2009
|U of Michigan Short Answer - Diversity, engineering
5 - For [A] I think you should omit the first 3 sentenses since the prompt does not ask for this....
Undergraduatejucks0r - Jan 31, 2009 / Baiwanyu - Feb 13, 2009
|'The Lord spoke to me' - UW transfer personal statement
5 - My friend inspired me to follow my interest by taking up a few courses on visual communication. Hey,...
Undergraduategookie - Feb 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2009
|'I became a quadriplegic and now must get around in a motorized wheelchair' - "Why attend NYFA?"
10 - Yay! I got in! I want to thank everyone who gave me their advice and criticism. Thank you so...
Undergraduatearbennett - Jan 26, 2009 / arbennett - Feb 11, 2009
|'level of programming' - Personal essay for transfer admission to the University of Pittsburgh
Undergraduateljd - Feb 10, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2009
|Background, interests, personal and professional accomplishments
Undergraduatemimi - Feb 8, 2009 / rlaguswjd89 - Feb 10, 2009
|U of Texas, Austin Topic A (every stage of my life)
9 - Well, if anyone tries to steal your essay, you show that it is YOUR original work because you gave...
UndergraduateKeonYe - Jan 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2009
|Lehigh Supplement A, "never limit my academic potential"
4 - Lehigh knows they stand out, and knows theyre great. Do some research, find values off their website or...
UndergraduateFriarup819 - Feb 8, 2009 / sweethypnotic - Feb 9, 2009
|'System and education of Germany' - Essay for ohio state university
Undergraduatetojusandra2004 - Feb 3, 2009 / tojusandra2004 - Feb 7, 2009
|Do I have to take MCAT for Pharmacy ?
6 - Pharmacy has something called the PCAT exam. pearsonassess.com/haiweb/Cultures/en-US/site/Community/PostSecondary/Products/pcat/pcathome.htm...
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 31, 2009 / sara213 - Feb 6, 2009
|Short Response Questions (2 goals, difficult situation): Stevenson Uni
3 - Maybe you can try different ways of starting each response Q: Describe a time when you were having trouble...
Undergraduatexxkixzplayaxx - Feb 4, 2009 / KeonYe - Feb 6, 2009
|Short answer for CommonApp (the Art of Observing)
5 - Some more suggestions: "the Canon A560 I have, though, has become familiar to me" "it turns out...
Undergraduatekelzdc - Jan 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 5, 2009
|U Michigan Setback essay ("departed from high school since graduation")
8 - Kevin did a really thorough job of going through your essay, but here a few more fixes you could...
UndergraduateJHazuresky - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 4, 2009
|"How are you doing Mr. Salac?"; Person who Influenced Me
Undergraduateemaysi - Feb 3, 2009 / emaysi - Feb 4, 2009
|the passion for mathematics and sciences - U of I admission essay
5 - The first paragraph, in which you talk about always asking "why," would seem to indicate that you could turn...
UndergraduateMiZZL3L3 - Nov 11, 2008 / EF_Sean - Feb 4, 2009
|About My thesis statement!(USC TRANSFER)
Undergraduatevincent0123 - Feb 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 4, 2009
|Why do you want to change careers? Medical Research to Nursing
Undergraduatedestine - Feb 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 4, 2009
|"conflicting cultures" - COLUMBIA ADMISSION ESSAY
9 - A really well-written essay. The opening line does need a bit of work, though. When using a metaphor, you...
UndergraduatePranav91 - Dec 14, 2008 / EF_Sean - Feb 3, 2009
|INTELLECTUAL INTERESTS; 'I love to study psychology and learn about behaviors'
Undergraduatelenzie09 - Feb 2, 2009 / EF_Team - Feb 3, 2009
3 - decided to visit various colleges and... ...schools online and believed that had made up my mind... Hey,...
UndergraduateFrancaruso - Feb 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 3, 2009
|'volunteering at Ability First' - University of Southern California Transfer Essay
10 - Alright thanks, sent in the app. If possible please delete this thread or edit my posts to remove my...
Undergraduateessayheaven - Jan 17, 2009 / essayheaven - Feb 2, 2009
|Penn State - career goals and personal statement - (aspiring engineer)
Undergraduatejucks0r - Feb 1, 2009 / jucks0r - Feb 1, 2009
|Indicate how you first became interested in SLU
5 - Use quotation marks, like this: "In which state are you going to study next year?" my guidance counselor...
Undergraduatehahieu123 - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 1, 2009
|USC Admissions Essay (Cinema Major) - an external influence
3 - ...glazed with rain on the evening of... His backyard was sprinkled... floated across the murky water, among...
UndergraduateZagayer - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 1, 2009
|UMich - Discuss an issue of local concern, today's teens
2 - This essay is well-written. If you had more time and space, I would suggest engaging in a more in-depth...
Undergraduatenurit91 - Feb 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 1, 2009
|'Team leader and vice president' - How has your Environment influenced you
Undergraduatesantanaelissa - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 31, 2009
|U Chicago, desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future.
5 - I was staying in New Jersey and only for a limited amount of time. I did, however, perform extensive...
UndergraduatePranav91 - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 31, 2009
|UofM-Setback Essay ("be active and outspoken in both business and life")
4 - As I walked in a daze down Wall Street, I bumped into numerous rushed business people with their cups...
Undergraduatejakethesnake312 - Jan 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 31, 2009
|UAlbany Admission Essay. Unsure about rough draft.
Undergraduateashurii - Jan 31, 2009 / ashurii - Jan 31, 2009
|Gettysburg Supplemental essay; Most Impressive Performance award
4 - No, no the second paragraph is fine, I just meant the words to the song. The conclusion is great....
Undergraduategetitlow - Jan 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 31, 2009
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