|Undergraduate [25,738] - page 395 of 429|
|Macau, transfer essay, (Influencing Destiny)
2 - How about a colon insteade of a semi-colon after "...looking at this society: Now, the whole first paragraph...
Undergraduatetaihongcomet - Jan 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2009
|USC transfer essay ("Welcome back")
Undergraduatejinwho81 - Jan 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2009
|USC "Only passions, great passions" USC Transfer Essay
5 - Here is an idea: Sporting those oh-so-trendy, skinny jeans that have solidified my nickname as "chicken legs" is...
Undergraduatehopefultrojan12 - Jan 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2009
|"Sports fanatics" - My activities have helped me understand the workings of different world cultures
4 - Also, don't forget to capitalize the personal pronoun "I" and days of the week consistently throughout your essay....
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 22, 2009
|Overcome a dissapointment essay
4 - Yes, it answers the prompt. I can tell that you have a lot of willpower and determination. These...
Undergraduatethehighway - Jan 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 22, 2009
|SUNY or Common App which is better ?
9 - if you have time do as much as possible, write as much essays as possible to show you're that...
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 20, 2009 / zowzow - Jan 22, 2009
|FSU ESSAY ("what I would attempt")
Undergraduatelaurajay - Jan 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2009
|University of Texas Transfer Essay A ("cultural understanding")
6 - Thanks Sean and Kevin. You're right I need to tweak it a bit for that second paragraph. Menamilad;...
Undergraduateeharvey03 - Jan 19, 2009 / eharvey03 - Jan 22, 2009
|"My name is Sonia Weitz, & I'm a Holocaust survivor"; Person - significant influence
7 - This is very nice! I suggest combining the last two paragraphs, but more importantly, I suggest adding a sentence...
Undergraduatestephanierose - Jan 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2009
|"The biggest fear is fear itself." - application essay
Undergraduatepallakg - Jan 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2009
|"The poor environment in China" - USC short answer
Undergraduatetammyleung - Jan 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2009
|Diversified Health Occupations class essay, need help.
4 - In my opinion, your reasons of choosing that class is a little bit self-centered. Your major is about health,...
Undergraduateiluvmatt - Jan 19, 2009 / Elainephuong - Jan 21, 2009
|"What qualities do you feel you would bring to our institution?"
Undergraduatetisluke - Jan 19, 2009 / tisluke - Jan 20, 2009
|Conditional Admissions Essay for Pharmacy at Pitt !!
Undergraduatejrand17 - Jan 19, 2009 / jrand17 - Jan 20, 2009
|'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel
38 - Thanks again Kevin. I am glad that you were able to help me during this stressful process! I will...
Undergraduatejennc09 - Nov 16, 2008 / jennc09 - Jan 20, 2009
|An important issue essay (UT), from Korean point of view
Undergraduategrandialove - Jan 18, 2009 / grandialove - Jan 20, 2009
|What have you gained from the activities and experiences listed in Part VI, you'll use in McIntire?
8 - "The scripts were surprisingly easy to understand thanks to computer science courses and felt that a week or two...
Undergraduatethehighway - Jan 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 20, 2009
|The day when Kolkata faced a severe crisis still remains etched in my memory
3 - Here are some more ways you could shorten your essay: "The author had scripted something which was sacrilegious...
UndergraduateAstrix - Jan 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 20, 2009
|Short answer essay questions (yoga, tennis)
5 - Most of the sentences are pretty good. You might want to make the following change, though: "On a...
Undergraduatevolleyball09 - Dec 14, 2008 / EF_Sean - Jan 20, 2009
|'I purchased a discovery' - Help with essay--University of Washington
5 - i had the same concer, but my english reassured me that admissions love reading short papers, its a break...
Undergraduatelw822 - Jan 14, 2009 / vkwang - Jan 19, 2009
|U of Chicago: " Powers of Ten"
8 - Thank you!!...
UndergraduateSweetGirl - Jan 1, 2009 / SweetGirl - Jan 19, 2009
|'mixing chemicals together' - Personal Statement UCAS
5 - Hi! Well, start by telling the about the course of study you will pursue there, and get specific about...
Undergraduatemenamilad - Jan 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 19, 2009
|Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison
19 - "One of my core values comes from my family's constant maxim that helping others who are not so fortunate...
Undergraduatekuiinn - Jan 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 19, 2009
|Columbia Short answer (The Fu Foundation School)
3 - After reading My Life as a Quant by Emanual Derman, which describes Derman's years at Goldman Sachs, I confirmed...
Undergraduatelulu - Jan 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 18, 2009
|commonapp essay- elaborate an activity- tutor
3 - Where is this street that is the setting for this first sentence? I think this essay will engage the...
Undergraduatemndhlmmb - Jan 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 18, 2009
|Why did I choose UCF (Electrical & Computer Science program)
4 - Being the strong and die hard sports fan that I am, I'm going to need a strong and competitive...
UndergraduateChris18um - Jan 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 17, 2009
|Issue of Importance Topic ("advertising strategy")
5 - You could strengthen your essay by going into a bit more detail about just how destructive this trend is....
UndergraduateGemini - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|LMU essay (risks in finding yourself) - in progress.
5 - Great advice from Kevin. You talk about all the things that are part of you, but then say that...
Undergraduatex soundclash - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|Final U of M Essays Short Essays. Punctuation and Quality Comments needed
Undergraduatetimothyerdei - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|Reflecting on life at 65-regrets, accomplishments ect.
8 - Well, if it's about money and the importance of saving, you could start out with something along the lines...
Undergraduatekatiejoojoo - Oct 29, 2007 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|'HERO, A.D.A.P.T. and the Asian Club..' - UT Austin- Important issue (diversity)
5 - After reading Kevin's comments, I'm beginning to conclude that you probably need to rethink most of the essay, because...
Undergraduatexjba165 - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|Optional essay, Aerospace Engineering
7 - Starting out with a current insight you have into aviation is a great idea. You could then trace the...
UndergraduateBackes27 - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|Issue of Importance (Marriage). UT austin
2 - I'm not sure that you should necessarily go with arranged marriages as representing gender-inequality. You certainly could make a...
Undergraduatenoori1234 - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 17, 2009
|The figure who has had a foremost and perpetual impact on my life. UT App Essay about my dad
UndergraduateBackes27 - Jan 14, 2009 / Backes27 - Jan 16, 2009
|Common App short answer - "Ford technician"
3 - Oh, Sean made all the changes I was going to suggest! This is a strong little essay. What was...
Undergraduateminkujoo - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|'The consequence of teamwork' - UT Austin Essay (optional)
3 - ...country's monetary policies. On a periodic basis, my classmates and I would be divided into groups and tasked with...
Undergraduatexjba165 - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|Short Answer Response, two stories. Which one to chose?
Undergraduatestimpsimp - Dec 22, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|UT ESSAY (Choose an issue of importance to you, education in Singapore)
3 - You don't have to capitalize "knowledge" here: An example would be the lack of Knowledge in personal finance...
Undergraduateleej88 - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|short answer common app ("enrolled into choir")
3 - After having been told by friends that I have great aptitude for music , I enrolled into choir my...
Undergraduateearthtojm - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|Texas at Austin essay (Lance Amstrong, impact on my life)
3 - Why don't you try writing one sentence for each of those points, and then see if you cannot extend...
Undergraduateshamveel - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 16, 2009
|'Accepting myself who I am' - UT admission, important issue. Body image
6 - Yeah, this essay is really strong and well-thought out. Normally I can at least find a few things to...
Undergraduatewerrextink - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 16, 2009
|Visual art, Wellesley College; 'my future is ensured'
2 - This essay needs more focus. What exactly is the prompt? You start out writing about your academic interests, then...
UndergraduateULL - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 16, 2009
|Obedient yet rebellious, disciplined, unruly; this person influenced me
25 - Ah, you've submitted it, then? Well, at least you know you handed in a draft that you spent a...
Undergraduateleej88 - Jan 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 16, 2009
|Macalester Supplement (experience in Kota Kinabalu)
14 - Thanks a lot guys, I've submitted my application already and read through it a couple times to take out...
Undergraduatepriscileung - Jan 11, 2009 / priscileung - Jan 15, 2009
|'A pre-health student organization' - University of California Transfer
Undergraduateducphan - Jan 15, 2009 / ducphan - Jan 15, 2009
|University of California Transfer Personal Statement -The anatomy lab
3 - Good essay and very interesting. You answered the question nicely. It was well written and I think they'll feel...
Undergraduateducphan - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|Common App - Significant experience (Living in another country)
4 - Nicaragua is drastically different from New York. The Nicaraguan dry and wet seasons, in contrast, are generally forgiving...
Undergraduatethe_lie - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|UT austin, Ms. Sapna Bhargava.
3 - The defining moment in our relationship came in grade eleven , when I scored dismally in the final examinations....
Undergraduatesumantneo - Jan 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|SAIC PERSONAL STATEMENT (The Shrink in Me)
NEW - The shrink in me does not judge everything solely on face value. In fact, the thinker in me loves...
Undergraduatepenguin8 - Jan 15, 2009 / — -
|Macalester supplement - 'minor problem with our cultural difference'
11 - The last thing a teacher wants is to stand alone before a large class of students ranging in age...
Undergraduatekofpower2411 - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|UT_ issue of importance ("strong human resources")
3 - Oh, great advice from David! "Vanishing" is indeed better than "disappeared" Should people come back from their...
Undergraduatechegoyam - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|As children, many of us have dreams of becoming famous or someone who everybody knows or aspire to
Undergraduatemyates - Jan 10, 2009 / myates - Jan 15, 2009
|'Sheltered life in New Jersey' - School Principal Essay
4 - In college, students will meet people from countries they have never heard of or religions that they have never...
Undergraduatechebeelol - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|'A Modern School in New Delhi' - UT Austin Essay 1
4 - I guess you could take Kevin's advise and do the mandatory amendments. Other than that, your essay seems right...
Undergraduatesumantneo - Jan 14, 2009 / leej88 - Jan 15, 2009
|Essay about the subjects in which you excel or have excelled.
Undergraduaterosy - Jan 8, 2008 / 4ever2bleed - Jan 15, 2009
|Macalester Supp #1 - the factors
5 - First, I think you can eliminate the whole first paragraph. Start with the line about your father recommending the...
Undergraduatepriscileung - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|emory essay (psychology field)
3 - How about we make this all one paragraph at the start, here: The thirst for learning compels me...
Undergraduatedebaterchick09 - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|FSU Essay: "Vires, Artes, Mores", focus on "Vires"
4 - While it is true that this the nature of the concept of "physical strength," the truth of strength is...
UndergraduateObie55 - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|Issue of Importance: "we hate change and love it at the same time"
2 - "Change" is a reality that affects us all. For one individual it may be seen as an advancement towards...
Undergraduatebonesshark - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
|Mount Holyoke Supp. Which Verison is Better?
3 - I also liked version 1 better, as it was somewhat clearer. This was quite an achievement considering athletic...
Undergraduatemuriel09 - Jan 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 15, 2009
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