Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] The chart shows the percentage of females aged 16-25 in a particular country [2]

For the summary overview. the proper approach would have been to describe itas a comparison of players vessels watchers.That is because an analysis of the graph shows a ratio percentage rather than a percentage alone. Why is it a ratio percentage? Look at the bar images side by side, the number of players is always listed along with the viewers. That presentation made this is a ratio comparison report.

You do not need to constantly remind the readers that the report is based on the female gender since there is only one sex represented in the image. However, a gentle reminder once in a while won't hurt. Just remember to use alternative references for female to remove the monotony and improve your LR score.

Graduate / Statement of Purpose - Parsons School of Design - MPS Communication Design - reasons for applying [2]

The main problem with this essay is the way it focuses a majority of the discussion on your background. All the other ports of the prompt have either been little addressed or not addressed at all. Never assume that once you have completed the writing, that you have addressed all parts of the task. make sure that you compare your paragraphs to the guidelines. Each guideline must be clearly represented in your writing. There are times in the writing where the discussion seems to steer off topic. Every discussion must relate to the program and / or a specific prompt topic requirement. Fix the essay to address there aspects. The second draft should be clearer after the review and content editing / revising process.

Undergraduate / Describe an experience which talks a lot about you [2]

The essay that you wrote best suits the personal topic prompt. The events as you relate it do not properly connect with the prompt you have chosen. Rather than trying to revise it, you will do well to adapt a new prompt instead. That way you retain all that is impressive with the essay presentation. The other option, retaining the chosen prompt will be more difficult to accomplish as you will have to draft a totally new essay of differing content.

The content presented is a unique look at character development, but, because of the Covid factor, it fails to fully suit the implied character analysis of the prompt. It is good and does not require changes. What it does need, is a more appropriate prompt.

Writing Feedback / The chart reperesents the amount of males and females passing their driving test [2]

First time Task 1 writers tend to limit their word count to exactly or just a little over the word count. They do not realize that writing less than 175-200 words will result in a severe scoring limitation on their part. As examinees are scored on individual scoring considerations which are used to award the overall score, it is best to write more to help increase the scoring pitch per section. Just don't go over 200 words.

Truth be told, the analytical paragraphs still have room to space in terms of more logical analysis statements. The writer failed to fully develop the report analysis for reasons known only to him.

There are also word choice errors ( amount = number) that affect the clarity of the statement. There is a lack of proper punctuation usage as well. The writer is not placing full stop marks (period) to signify the close and end of the paragraphs. since this is a repeated error, it will result in a failed GRA score. A severe deduction in the overall score at the end.

Writing Feedback / Question about the advantage and disadvantage of working from home. [2]


Do not make reference to current events in your restatement. The original topic is not connected to this presentation so this topic inclusion will lower the task score. The prompt restatement must be brief and refer only to a rewording of the original topic, without added information coming from the writer.


Your opinion is not deemed necessary in this discussion. In fact, you are not even prodded to provide it by the discussion guideline. This essay is a general comparison rather than single opinion essay. You misunderstoodthe writing instruction for this prompt.

The first reasoning paragraph is good but, could use a better discussion presentation. More supporting information would help bring a solid advantage discussion to the front.

The second reasoning statement is badly explained. There are too many topics presented in the paragraph, none of which are properly developed to create a convincing like of thought. The coherence and cohesiveness is faulty and will pull down the overall score. The conclusion is an acceptable presentation.

Writing Feedback / Today's schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. [2]

The prompt paraphrase and opinion paragraph has deviated from the original topic and required response format. The restatement should not be more than 2 sentences, with an emotional, measured response as the final sentence in this paragraph.The error was created because the writer gave personal insights immediately into the topic rather than just repeating the original presentation in his own words. He confused the restatement with a reasoning paragraph. This is therefore, an avoidable error. As for the opinion statement, the lack of conviction and strength in the writer's point of view led to an altered response format. Providing an unacceptable answer to the question. Both errors will lead to a non-passing task score.


There was no such reference to this topic in the original prompt. Though the reasoning paragraphs fit the discussion, the writer's tendency to alter the original topic and discussion requirements are what will cause the failing score.

Letters / Material Engineering and Nanotechnology - Motivation Letter for Master degree [2]

Do not confuse the personal statement with the motivation letter. The motivation letter can be completed between 3-5 paragraphs because of its focused content presentation.

Paragraph 1 - Introduction : You may use the presentation you have now but do not use the second paragraph.

Paragraph 2 - Professional Motivation: There is no representation of your relevant professional skills. I do not see the relevance of a teaching assistant position to the masters program. Not unless a career change in terms of lab work or research is in the offing ? Create a more relevant and connected career presentation.

Paragraph 3 - Academic Motivation: Why do you want togo back to academic studies at this time? Adjusting the content of paragraph 6 may help you accomplish this.

Paragraph 4 - Personal Motivation: Why study in Italy? What reasons motivated the decision? Do not use tourism as a reason. Do not use language learning either. You may open with


However, the rest of the presentation cannot be used due to empty, over-generalized reasons that do not use stand out reasons for the choice. change all of it.

The last paragraph should be a strong reference to committing to the studies at the university. All other aspects you presented in this version is not motivation related. My outline of paragraph content should help get you on track with your revision/ 2nd draft.

Scholarship / The Courage To Do The Right Thing at Right Time - My Chevening Leadership & Influencing Skills Essay [2]

The main leadership and influencing example has to prove or provide evidence of your abilities asa emerging national, business, or community leader in your town, City, or country.I find no evidence of this in this amateurish leadership and influencing presentation. Professional credentials, rather than internships and low level positions are the primary credentials for the candidates. None of which you seem to have at this point. This sort of discussion is acceptable when applying to simple, less important scholarships. It will not help you qualify for an important, leading, and world notable scholarship program. Develop a competitive background fust , then try to apply again. The current credentials you portray here will not make it past the screening process.

Writing Feedback / The number of telephone calls minutes in Finland in three different categories (period of 9 years) [3]

There is a miscalculation in the summary presentation. The chart is from 1995 up to 2004. It covers a full decade, or 10 years worth of measurement collation. Always double check your references for accuracy. The slightest error will affect the presentation and result in accuracy deductions. The measurement type is also deductible due to the cut and paste reference. You should have used alternative references for the keywords.

The paragraphs need a better sentence balance per presentation paragraph. At least 3 sentences in all paragraphs produce better C + C and GRA scoring overall. Individual thought sentences in the paragraph will directly address that situation.

Writing Feedback / Some have a strong preference for studying alone while others tend to go for learning in a group [2]

The essay asks for your direct opinion. So the examples must be based on first person,rather than 3rd party reasons. Kindly remember that you are asked to discuss your preference. So the reasons other people may have is not totally valid in this discussion. While the "other" person benefit will be scored, it will not be as high as when you use your personal experience, insight, or assumptions.

You need 2 logical reasons to support your opinion to properly address the prompt requirement. Where an A/D or" Discuss both news" instruction is not provided, none should be supplied. A personal opinion essay is based on a single point of new that supports you. The opposing side is not scorable. You need a properly developed essay and that means not discussing the opposite, unless it is to say why it is wrong and proves support for your opinion in the end.

Research Papers / Why are vaccines important? [2]

Kindly review your in-text citations. You have not seperated it from the actual text, making the paragraphs highly confusing to read. I realize this is just a draft but, it still needs tofollow proper writing and citation guidelines.

Please consider a stronger introduction to your topic A historical look at health programs in the past that failed to cure and prevent illnesses and diseases would help strengthen your opinion. The historic eason for vaccine development and inoculation was just as important then as.it is now. While your introduction is good, it has room to be even better. So make sure to use the room for improvement to your benefit.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 1] The line chart compares the demand for 4 different types of meat and fish [4]

A task 1 essay is just a simple summary and report presentation. It should be completed in no more than 200 words. The writing time allowand is only 20 minutes. The way this presentation was completed will need 40 minutes to complete. The analysis cannot be finished within the actual time setting. The writing -tries too hard to be intricate. Relying on the over-writing to make up for logic and analysis. Exaggerated term usage takes the place of a straightforward report. Emotional presentations work only in the opinion based task 2 essays.

The writer has a pretty good report somewhere in this essay. He just tends to unnecessarily expand the presentation, without time limit considerations, which is a mistake.

Writing Feedback / The energy produced by France in the course of two years (1995 and 2005) [3]

The number of charts along with its varied information focus should be spelled out in the summary. Proper differentiation of image content must be provided to help the reader gain a better summarized understanding of the facts. A thorough review of the paragraph shows the lack of proper information presentation per image. It does not address the paragraph requirements in a passing manner.

The writer has under-developed the report. With 2 images available for comparison, the writer should have written more comparative and analytical paragraphs.The requirement for 2 image reports is a 4 paragraph presentation. The correct format needs 2 analytical paragraphs. This presentation only has 1 reporting paragraph. One analpis and comparison presentation per image.

Graduate / Technology trend that may impact your target career. - MS Business Analytics Essay for CUNY. [2]

Based on the emerging trend, how do you see it affecting your current carell as an obstacle towards your target employment? The essay is so focused on explaining the emerging technology that you failed to create the personal requirement between the cement and the diverging future. You do not get to this point until the last few sentences of your essay. So the statement falls short of convincing the reader that this trend will have a direct and debilitating impact on your future career growth. That should be the discussion focus from the first to the last paragraph. The connection in more important to the reviewer than the definition and general address of the essay. Remember that the impact an your career is an integral part of the presentation.

Writing Feedback / There are serious concerns about the sale and production of genetically modified food. [2]


It is not necessary to define what genetically modified foods are to the reader. The task 2 essay is written with a specific audience of professionals in mind. This is an unnecessary and time consuming prompt deviation. Stick to the given discussion parameters from the original prompt to avoid score deductions. This paragraph, being unrelated to the task will not be scored. Only proper and relevant discussions receive a score.


Avoid specific examples when you have presented a general reference in the paragraph. This will help you avoid being scored low on the paragraph C + C development range.

The discussion topic instruction was for the pros and cons. There are only pros provided in your presentation.The essay will be given a score based on a partially responsive discussion. The overall essay is under-developed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: IS GOVERNMENT RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF CITIZENS' HEALTH and diet? [3]


The reference word is wrong. Mass refers to a body of coherent matter, usually of indefinite shape and often of considerable size. The phrase is - a definite reference /subject such as mass media, mass unemployment, mass murder, or mass shooting, in reference to a large group of people. However, the word" masses" refers to a definite large group of people, which is probably the reference point you wanted to use. Such errors create GRA deductions along with LR inaccuracies.

There are 2 keywords that indicate the comparison point in each paragraph prior to your opinion. Explain the reasons behind the public support for


and


in relation to


All I am reading here is a general reference to your personal opinion based on the public topic but, not the public opinions and supporting views.

A more appropriate 3 paragraph reasoning presentation was needed for the proper comparison analysis and personal opinion consideration. While the format is incorrect, the writer does show an understanding of the topic.

Writing Feedback / Is maintaining public libraries a waste of money since the Internet is now replacing their function? [2]


Review the writing instructions. The writing is to be based on "to what extent" a response that you markedly failed to provide in your opinion statement. The response /opinion you provided is incorrectly based on a simple agree or disagree statement. You will not recieve full marks due to the partially incorrect response format.

The rest of the discussion paragraphs are quite strong and well structured. Your well supported discussion points will help you gain proper passing scores in several sections. You have done a good job of proving your English comprehension skills. Leading me to believe that the response format error was only an oversight on your part.

Writing Feedback / Some believe that importing foreign movies and TV programs is beneficial for their country's culture [4]

The prompt restatement was acceptable because you had a template to base it on. However, when you are asked to formulate an original opinion, you lose control of thought clarity and sentence structure. Your personal opinion is so confusing, it does not make any sense to the examines / reader.

The discussion paragraphs are all incorrectly based on the writer's personal opinion alone, as evidenced by the constant use of the first person-group pronoun" we in the paragraphs. The writer should first present a general discussion based on third person - group pronouns and then present a personal opinion of the public opinion. The essay does not fully follow the discussion requirements. Scores will not be fully applied because the discussion presentation is only partially applicable to the discussion format requirement.

Graduate / MOTIVATION STATEMENT FOR MASTER OF ART IN POPULATION STUDIES [2]

You have written this essay without any consideration for the readily available discussion guidelines for the motivational letter. There are several discussion considerations that should be fully discussed in your essay. none of which you covered in this presentation. What you wrote is just a general essay based on your personal requirements and interests. This will not work for the application review process. It will do you well to look up the motivational letter guidelines for DAAD as available through online portals. Write anew essay based on the actual reviewer information needs. Do not try to revise this letter. It is unusable for the purpose you intend.

Writing Feedback / New student enrollment in Top Australian university and their applications majors [3]


You did not upload an image. The reader is also assumed to not have access to the image. The sentence structure is off. It makes incorrect references to a location ( should not be included) and there is no clear image identification with regards to the graph type.


Exaggerations have no place in a task 1 essay, specially in the summary overview or trending statement. Simple and clearly related information statements are best for this sort of presentation. By the way, you are missing a period at the end of the sentence. The paragraph is an incomplete presentation. Also missing is an acceptable trending sentence/ statement/ paragraph. The first half of the task will fail to recieve a passing score.


A task 1 essay is a report without an opinion presentation. It does not need a conclusion.

Basically this is a very bad attempt at Task 1 essay writing. You may want to read more samples and learn from them before you write another exercise for the task.

Research Papers / Rough draft peer review on why play is important for children [2]

The opening statement and the introduction were placed in reverse in the presentation. The second paragraph makes for an excellent opening foundation for the discussion. It fully establishes the basis of the thesis statement, which is the current first paragraph. Revise the presentation to create a solid opening statement. Place the current opening statement at the end of the current second paragraph instead. By combining these into 1 paragraph, you present a highly academic and intelligent opening analysis.

The opening adjustment will reqquice a revision of the current 3rd paragraph though to present a better continuity and relationship with the previous paragraph presentation. The 4th paragraph should also have a better relationship with the previous discussion while creating its own expanded discussion focus. It is too short and does not have a clear co-relation with the previous or succeeding discussions.

* Limited review due to presentation length. contact us privately for comprehensive review inquiries.

Scholarship / GKS SCHOLARSHIP LANGUAGE STUDY PLAN - My Plan Before and After Coming to Korea [2]

For the Korean language learning after arriving in Korea, you seem to think that you can take the TOPIK several times till you reach a satisfactory level. You only have 2 tries before your scholarship journey ends. Rethink that presentation. While Coursera and other free online courses are acceptable, the self- learning aspect does not show a deep desire to learn the language in the proper manner. Do not rely so much on self-learning. You will not really know the accuracy of your language proficiency that way. Enroll in formal classes before arriving in Korea. Their tests and certifications carry weight in this presentation as it tells the reviewer or, gives the reviewer an acceptable estimate of your current Hangul writing skills.

Writing Feedback / The bar charts show the comparison of salt intake between men and women in different ages in America [3]


When writing the trending statement, avoid referring to definite information from the image. If the males consumed the most, then inform the reader about who consumed the least as well. It is all about the evident highs and lows of the image measurements. The trending statement should only discuss estimates or directional growth. Analysis presentations referring to actual clata does not have a place in this paragraph presentation.


The gender sequences wold are singular in number count. However, people is a general gender plural reference. So there is a numerical reference disagreement in this phrase. An S has to be added to the end of the singular gender reference to create the plural forms.

Writing Feedback / Data on Australia exports to four regions: Japan, US, China, and India, over the period of 22 years [2]


This is a confusing statement as there are no categories enumerated in the line graph. Percentage points we indicated instead and it is this reference that should be made in your sentence as a reference point. A clearer reference would have been:

The line graph depicts the highs and lows of Australian exports to 4 countries. The countries that are part of the graph measurement are ...


Again, no categories listed. You will lose points when the accuracy of your report is considered. Why? You are referring to non existent information. If the data cannot be found in the image, you lose points for it in 3 scoring sections.


I am not sure what you are trying to say here. It seems like you are just making up references as you go along. Are you sure that you understand what the task is about?

Writing Feedback / More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number...) for everyday (ielts [2]


Good restatement but it should have had a direct reference to the indicated channels where the use of personal data is required. Excellent work on the personal opinion. The thesis statement really helped support the clarity of your opinion. Expect to get a very impressive score in this section.


There is no need to explain the benefits. The examiner already knows what there are. Your focus, should solely be on presenting 2 reasons that support your opinion. This discussion deviation will not help increase your cohesive discussion scoll as the paragraphs are now unrelated in terms off discussion focus.

So what happened to your presentation? It appears that you have provided only 1 discussion related paragraph. This reduces the development of your discussion potential as further supporting evidence is required in a 2nd paragraph. You might get a low passing score because of this. Do not waste your scoring potential. You clearly understood the topic but got waylaid, and in the process, a lower score because of the discussion deviation in the first reasoning paragraph.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS WRITING 1) PIE CHART The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source [3]

Please do not abbreviate the names of the countries in the images. Specially when these abbreviations directly affect the clarity of the report presentation.This is highly frowned upon in academic writing. It should never be applied to formal reports such as the task 1 writing requirements.

As there are 4 charts in the presentation, it is incorrect to refer to the image in singular form. These must be described in plural form. Kindly rvivien your grammar lessons in relation to numerical references.

The summary overview is confusing in presentation. The first error is in the image reference. It changed from a pie chart to a graph. The second problem refers to the lack of reference to the trend across the related images. The trend should refer to 4 trends. One per image, creating a trending paragraph in the process.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 1] The charts below show the most popular films by genre for men and women [3]

Every sentence should contain only one idea or 2 related ideas. When faced with 2 images of differing content / descriptive subjects, the writer should present each image and its related subject seperately. That means, the summary should have 2 seperate description sentences rather than just 1. Do this for clarity purposes. The sentence structure for the image insuction should not be used or repeated in the exam takers version. It is not to be used as a template in the test presentation.

For the trending statement, the implied measurements should be mentioned. Actual data measurements should be saved for the actual report. So, the presentation for the first image is right but, the second image is incorrect as it mentions actual data already.

In the actual report, the writer should use a uniform numerical data presentation. If you start with numbers then use that throughout. That would be ideal since it makes the report easier and faster to read. It is not recommended that you spell out the numbers for speed and writing accuracy.

The report is acceptable out can use some formatting changes. The clarity score will be helped if my suggestions are applied by the exam taker in future essays..

Writing Feedback / Social Media on the Brain and Mind [2]

The introduction to the topic will be helped if a previous paragraph is presented showing the history of human social interactions leading up to the brith of social media. Without this historical foundation, the current first paragraph lacks a proper background presentation. This current first paragraph is most effective as the second paragraph as it creates an excellent informative launching pad rather than thesis statement. There needs to be a clear introduction paragraph to connect to it.

Avoid using citations or paraphrasing in every paragraph. While this proves heavy research on your part, it avoids showing what you learned, understood, and created an opinion of in the process. These are elements the professor would want to learn about from you and will add to your positive scoring consideration. Balance the essay with opinion presentations and more transition statements to smoothen out the transition from one paragraph to the nest. Specially when changing topic focus.

Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc of Statistics and Data Science at University of KU Leuven [2]

The motivation of the writer got lost in translation. The presentation, with heavy editing, will work as a personal statement. It does not function within the requirements of a motivation letter. The motivation is nowhere to be seen. Motivations often relate to your career path going forward and where you are now. This can be considered as a competitive work consideration, where your promotion depends on advanced skills, or, on a career change related to your true interests such as video game development.

However, video game development does not have much need for your skills as far as I know. Maybe revise the content to focus on the NGO work instead ? It seems to connect better with your MS choice. As for the university choice motivation, allow yourself to discuss how your MS choice at the university directly applies to your work, after telling the reviewer that you have a related undergraduate foundation. Be sure to mention its unique aspects and why you are motivated to learn about how it applies to significant parts of your work or future work considerations.

Writing Feedback / "Today many people are spending less and less time at home". What are the reasons and effects? [3]

The prompt restatement could use more clarity. The word choices and sentence structure are difficult to understand. It does not appear to be related to the orginal prompt in any way. The first version relates to people spending more time outside the home. The rewrite, says people spend more time outside of society. This is a statement that contradicts the ougenal topic and has changed the discussion focus. The writer failed to correctly rephrase the presentation as he did not bother to check his work after completing the draft. There was no topic comparison check completed.


Not everyone faces the same situation. Do not use general reference statements. This sort of pronouncement is an exaggeration that does not add to the validity of the argument. Use differentiation words such as " some people" or " most people."

The writer does not coherently explain himself in the paragraphs. There is a clear lack of proper relationship development between the presented topics. References are unclear and the ideas are jumping from one focus to another without a smooth transition. This creates an illogical and confusing reasoning presentation. It does not work. The essay will fail.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Celebrities' viewpoints on a wide range of matters [4]

The writer has provided an inappropriate response to the discussion question which will result in a failing TA score due to an inappropriate prompt response. As the original discussion format is to be based on a positive or negative development, the choice to use an advantage v. disadvantage response format was incorrect. Positive and negative development prompts cannot be interchanged with an A/D discussion response format. By this point, the writer will be percieved by the examiner to be discussing a totally different topic. Was it an instruction comprehension error? Maybe. Whatever the reason, this sort of error can force a failing score in the first half of the presentation. Always respond as per the discussion suggested format.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Students should be primarily taught academic subjects so that they can pass exams [3]

The first error is in the inaccurate prompt restatement. Providing the topic restatement is one thing. Forgetting to paraphrase the reason for the discussion topic is another. Without the reason, the opinion statement fails to make sense. Then, the opinion was provided without a discussion reason foundation. The thesis statement completes the first half of the presentation. That is why the paragraph scored lesson an individual basis.

As this is a first person opinion essay of the singular pronoun kind, it is inappropriate for the writer to use first person group pronouns such an "we" in the essay. That is a grammar rule error as it affects the clarity of the opinion. The group pronouns only apply to third person-group pronoun references in the public opinion sections.

Scholarship / SCHOLARSHIP or Graduate ASSistance STATEMENT OF PURPOSE IN MASTER IN MATERIAL SCIENCE AND ENGINERING [2]

The essay needs to be written with a clear focus on the intent for studies. The intent should cover the reasons for academic study in relation to why you believe you have to return to school, and what you hope to achieve personally/ academically / and professionally after completing the course. These thoughts are partially dealt with in this version, but need more proper development to be considered the intent of your studies. More importantly , important attention must be paid what you consider to be your relevant professional experiences with your colleagues. This shows an intent on your part for an exchange of knowledge and skills with your class counterparts. Right now, the essay contains personal statement references that need to be removed. My observations should help you spot areas for deletion and improvement.

Writing Feedback / New technologies have changed the way children spend their time [2]


Refrain from changing the original topic presentation by offering a testimonial about the topic. Proving the veracity of the topic as provided will never be a task 2 scoring requirement. Rather, this will result in a score reduction due to an inaccurate topic paraphrasing. This deduction applies even as your s statement properly provides a response.

Do not use a comparison statement in this presentation. Being a single opinion essay, your reasoning format must debate the advantage as a misperception, proving it is a disadvantage instead. Since the required discussion is provided in only one paragraph, the essay will be underdeveloped and only the supporting paragraph will recieve a score.

The third paragraph is the most score reducing presentation being only one sentence long. Only a topic is presented without any further development. It should not have been presented at all.

Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates the number of tourists travelling to an Caribbean island (2010 to 2017) [2]

The essay is over-analyzed at 127 words. With a writing time allowance of 20 minutes, this should have no more than 200 words in it. Actually, 175 words would be the mostideal presentation. The writer created a highly verbose essay that tends to over-extend what should be simple data and analysis statements. Since an image was not provided, I find it difficult to spot the areas for correction, improvement, reduction, or deletion. Reading this report though, it feels like the presentation should only have 3 paragraphs in it. The 4 paragraph presentation is a real stretch. Being q reporting essay, the writer should have been able to create the report clearly with lesser word usage.

Writing Feedback / lELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Televised trials shared in public [3]

There is only 1 5 paragraph essay discussion in a task 2 presentation. That is done only when asked to "discuss both views and give your opinion". For all other essays. specially the general opinion presentations such as this one, a 4 paragraph format will suffice. The only thing you have to prove, is that you can cohesively discuss 2 related reasons in one paragraph. The questions provided here focus on your cohesiveness and coherence abilities. There is no need to overpresent your discussion / body paragraphs. There is a need to prove your writing abilities as expected though.

The writing and logic skills are present, but misdirected. Learn to express yourself within a 5 sentence limitation. The over-writing can prove to be a failing point during the actual 40 minute test where proof- reading, content improvement, and editing time count within the actual test time. Time is never a friend to the examinee.

my personal conviction is that
There is no requirement for a personal opinion. Do not present one when not asked to do so. Adding this to the conclusion creates an open-ended and failing essay due to a prompt deviation and non-concluded essay presentation. It could cause an automatic failure in an actual setting.

Undergraduate / Applying for nursing school and would like others to read my short answer response. [2]


Please clarify, are you already working as a nurse or in a related field ? This statement could confuse the reviewer.


As what? In what capacity have you worked with nurses? How did the direct exposure feed your interests?

The responses lose track of the prompt questions later on. I see no reference to:



Seeing as there are 2 considerable qquestions in the application essay, these cannot go unanswered. The essay needs to be completely revised to ensure that all written interview points are met. Right now, the essay is mostly composed of brainstorming ideas that need better development. For the next version doa question and response outline to help you see if you have ommitted any responses or if any question can use enhanced answers based on what is written at the time.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: The main reasons to make people spend most their time working [5]


This claim has no direct relationship to the question and required discussion. It should not be present in the restatement nor opinion presentation. This is a personal opinion unrelated to the discussion requirement and will cause a lowering of the sectional score.


You fail to respond to the question. Provide a discussion outline in statement form. 1 or 2 topics for each. This will prove that you analyzed the qquestions and discussion requirements thus, boosting the score for this section.

The reasons and effects provided are plentiful but, these lack valid explanation development in the sense that it does not have proper examples and supporting explanations. The presentation is not cohesive enough to provide a convincing series of reasons.


review punctuation usage rules. 2 cannot be used simultaneously. This in a grammar accuracy failure.

Writing Feedback / Companies use a variety of methods to improve the sales of their products. What are those methods? [2]

The first paragraph is called the prompt restatement + opinion for a reason. It has to accomplish 2 things:

- Give the author's version of the original topic based on his own understanding. no embellishments such as attestations should be found in this paragraph

- Give direct responses to the provided questions in the form of an opinion.

The author has failed to meet these requirements this paragraph will recieve a failing score in terms of accuracy since move of the expectations were met in the presentation.

The essay completely fails to answer the 2nd question in relation to which method the author feels is the most effective way to promote a product and why. The response to this question should be the main focus of the 2nd paragraph. Each gquestion requirement is part of the discussion body. It is never a part of the conclusion Making the response a part of the conclusion will cause this essay to recieve a failing score due to formatting non-compliance.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: INTERNATIONAL SUPPORT FROM INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY FOR LESS DEVELOPED COUNTRIES [2]


Is this your personal point of view ? If yes, then frame it as such. Respond as required by the prompt. The aforementioned presentation does not deliver in the expected format. You will lose points based on an improper response presentation.


This is the clear opinion that should be in the first paragraph. This cannot be used as a concluding statement. Presenting your opinion at the end this way will result in a failing overall score.

The response format in terms of discussion paragraphs needs work. you have to justify the belief of the 2 public sides in individual paragraphs first. Answer the question "Why are their beliefs correct" before you offer your own opinion.