Writing Feedback / Task2 Writing Ielts - Topic GOOD HEALTH [3]

Based on the high number of spelling, GRA, and C&C issues that remain uncorrected in this essay, it appears that you ability to type 318 words is useless. Unless you can write fluently in English, you should be aiming for a reasonable essay length of about 275-290 words. That way you will also tend to make less mistakes in your writing. Length is useless when it is riddled with errors, you will fail the test just the same.

Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. It does not really reflect the information as provided. You changed the premise of the essay from:

OP: Some people think that good health is very important to every person

to

YP: Having a good health is of great importance to each individual.

You stated a fact instead of stating a public opinion. Since the original presentation offered a public sentiment, your restatement should have been formatted to reflect the same.So, you could have instead written this as:

Since most citizens consider proper fitness valuable, they oppose the idea that the health care business should be operated by money making corporations. I do not share this opinion because the well being of people, when run by money making industries, creates more benefits for the people that need to remain healthy. Some of the benefits to be gained are (1) and (2).

While some would consider (reason 1) as a disadvantage because... It is actually and advantage when you consider that...

As for (reason 2), the negative opinion usually comes from ... When it reality, it creates a benefit in the form of ...

Your current discussion is not very well developed because you are offering too many reasons in the paragraphs. You are more focused on delivering reasons instead of explaining the reasons as required by this discussion. Remember that each paragraph is scored on clarity and coherence. When you offer reasons, but not enough of an explanation to defend the reason, then you created an under developed paragraph. That is why offering only 2 separate discussion topic paragraphs would allow you to better develop your reasoning and explanation in a manner that can increase your overall score.

Your concluding summary is not complete. It is not composed of at least 40 words representing at least 2 sentences. Try to properly summarize the discussion points in your concluding presentation. Don't just present a single sentence that does not have any sort of elaboration that could help reiterate the previous discussion.

Undergraduate / UBC 1. How you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation - work shift [3]

The main focus of the discussion presentation is your job as a crew person at McDonald's. You did not refer to any situation regarding a work-study balance in the statement. Since that reference cannot be found in the early part of the essay, you should not suddenly throw that situation comparison or solution in towards the end of the essay. It will be more effective for your response if you focus on the problem at work due to the unfamiliar situation of customer service that you found yourself in. The essay was more interesting to read without the study reference, which created confusion for the reader. Stick to one major topic and how you dealt with it. Removing the study aspect creates that strong response statement for you, based on your first job experience. Refer to how the changes you made helped you resolve your workplace issue and how your crew-client interaction improved because of it. Explain how it improved and if it resulted in a professional improvement or reward, such as a promotion or becoming employee of the month, on your part.

Undergraduate / Initiative - What is important to you? And why? UBC PERSONAL PROFILE [2]

Reviewers really dislike applicants who open their responses with a quote from a well known figure. While you think it makes you come across as smart and well read, what the reviewer sees is someone incapable of presenting himself in an interesting manner. So you rely on a quotation from someone else to create a possible hook for your essay. It is always better to avoid using quotes from other people and just jumping into the discussion using your own words.

Your second paragraph, your own words about why initiative is important to you was far more interesting and more effective in introducing your personality or mindset to the reviewer. It worked very well and did not need the Van Gogh quote to help it become relevant to your statement response.

It is important that you use a successful initiative activity in the presentation. You want to come across a winner in the eyes of the reviewer. Work on building that image up by showing a concern for something, then successfully taking the initiative to resolve the situation, problem, or issue on hand. Your response is a bit scattered because this is just a draft. Using my comments, you should be able to develop a better suited response.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 IELTS - People living longer after retirement - people's health [6]

You must make an effort to present a clearer thesis statement in your paraphrased presentation. Try to never add information, such as healthcare advancement, which changes the original discussion presentation. You are scored based on how close your restatement is to the original. Not what reasons you can add which change the reasons of the original discussion. There are 2 questions asked, therefore 2 direct topic responses are required in your presentation. This brings you restatement closer to a 3 sentence presentation, which is the more appropriate paraphrase / thesis restatement presentation for a better TA score.

Good reasoning discussion points in both paragraphs. Expect to score well in the C&C section due to the clear connection between the problems and solutions you have presented. Your concluding paragraph falls more under the run-on sentence presentation. It can very well have been divided into 3 sentences, thus creating an increased TA and GRA score for you. One thought per sentence is better than combined thoughts in one sentence in terms of clarity in the paragraph presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2-Many museums and historical sites are more attractive to foreigners than people living there [11]

Do not change the content of the original prompt. Since you are not being asked about the validity of the given statement, there is no need for you to attest to the veracity of the claim. Simple restating the topic and offering one reason, with one solution will suffice for a simple cause and solution essay discussion. You were not on target with your prompt restatement and discussion responses. You also failed to use alternate words for the key words museum and historical sites. Therefore you will not have a very good TA and LR score.

There was no need to explain why tourists visit the historical sites. You unnecessarily discussed a non-essential discussion point. The only important discussion in the first reasoning paragraph is the singular reason why the local tourists do not go to the museums and historical site. When you did explain why the locals do not go to the tourist sites, you did not completely develop the discussion due to the irrelevant inclusion of the foreign tourist discussion. This paragraph becomes under developed and lacking in focus on the actual topic.

You did good enough in the solutions paragraph, but could have better explained things if you focused on a singular solution, with proper possible results included for a single effective result. You were not able to convince the reader very well because of the lack of justification for each solution you presented.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Erasmus Mundus (Master in Biological and Chemical Engineering) [2]

Did you bother to read the requirements for the letter of motivation for the Erasmus Mundus scholarship? I ask because your essay does not offer the required information as provided by the motivational letter prompts. This sounds more like a college application essay than an international scholarship motivational application essay. You totally missed the mark with this essay. It does not contain any information that the reviewer needs to understand why you would want to become an EM scholar. You need to delete this essay and write a new one that properly focuses on the following EM motivational letter requirements:

1. Your professional career observations focused on the aspects that you feel can be improved
2. Why you are motivated to be the person to implement these changes
3. Why you chose this masters course in relation to the problems you wish you solve
4. How your choice of university fits into your academic and professional plans
5. What you hope to achieve at the end of the course
6. How the EM program suits your ambitions, goals, and needs as a student
7. Why your motivation makes you a good candidate for the scholarship

Try to cover all of these aspects within the maximum word count. Make sure not to over discuss any topic. If written properly, you should be able to present all 7 factors within 5-6 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / WT2-Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument [3]

Your second sentence in the paraphrased section is incomplete. The subject is missing. What do you agree with? The given statement? Then say so (I strongly agree with the given statement considering...). Otherwise, you will immediately be scored down for an incomplete sentence presentation. It will appear that there is a lack of clarity in your opinion. Your reasoning topic has something to do with the school curriculum, but you failed to properly represent that. You need to make sure that your sentences always have a clear subject, reason, and meaning when you write it. Otherwise, your presentation is just confusing to the reader and will lower your GRA score.

There is also an inaccurate discussion presentation as you have included a reference to the school curriculum and learning to play a musical instrument in school where none was referred to in the original presentation. You have altered the original topic and discussion format, thus you should expect to receive appropriate percentage deductions for these errors. Educationalists are not always teachers who are teaching in school with students. However, all teachers are educationalists. This exam tested your English vocabulary knowledge and you failed because you did not know the difference between an educationalist and a teacher.

Good discussion, bad conclusion. You need at least 40 words or 2 sentences in that section. Personally, I instruct my students to write at least 3-5 sentences so that there can be a clear summary representation of the topic, reasons, and your restated opinion. By doing that, you effectively wrap up the discussion of your essay with an increase scoring potential overall.

At 269 words presented, you should have a better chance at getting a higher score in the end. Pay attention to the areas for improvement that I pointed out. These should help you improve in your next presentation. I look forward to reading it.

Writing Feedback / In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. [3]

You did not completely represent the original prompt in the presentation. Your response is wrong when compared to the actual discussion presentation instruction. To compare:

OT: In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people.
YT: people reckon that an adult person should have a home for on their own and that is a pivotal thing in their life.

What happened to the representing sentence for the people who rent?

DT: Why this may be the case? Do you think this is a negative or positive situation.?
YR: There are some factors to people think which have a considerable effect in their thoughts .

You did not respond correctly to either question. Therefore, the TA score will be on the failing scale. Your response is not in accordance with the questions provided or expected discussion format in the prompt paraphrase section.

Your sudden discussion of rentals in the second reasoning paragraph is uneven, incomplete, and under developed. This will result in a failing C&C section in your scoring consideration. There needs to be a continuous representation of the rental aspect from the beginning (paraphrase) going into the discussion (reasoning paragraph 2). Failure to do that results in an under developed discussion overall.

You have several severe problems in spelling, grammar, along with C&C errors. Based on the overall problems you have presented, you cannot achieve a passing score with this type of presentation. You need to make sure that you cover all of the discussion points as provided next time. Ensure a proper and even discussion development in your reasoning paragraphs as well so that you can gain a better scoring consideration in those sections.

You cannot place your point of view (positive argument) at the end of the essay. That should always be a part of the prompt paraphrase. The concluding paragraph merely summarizes the previous discussion points. The topic, your reasons or comparative discussion, and then finally, a repeat of your opinion. The opinion needs to be previously provided so that it can be included in the summary presentation. Otherwise, you end the essay with an open, rather than concluded topic. Which will result in points deductions in the final score.

Undergraduate / My future after high school graduation - Help With Clearly Expressing My Personal Qualities [3]

We no longer offer proofreading as a part of our free services. For that, you need to make this thread urgent or request for a private essay review. I can however, comment on the quality of the essay that you wrote and give an opinion based on what you want to know directly about your writing.

There is a problem in your description. If you were treated like a tourist, you should not have been able to help out in the medical mission. Change that part to being treated like a member of the team instead. There is a disconnection between Nigeria and Covid-19. I believe you should omit the part about when you came back to the USA and Covid 19. Instead, focus on discussing how your time in NIgeria taught you to be accountable for your own actions and how that led to you deciding on a college major and actually committing to it. That would be a better representation of you coming of age and finally being ready to become a college student.

It is important for the essay to focus on the personal experience (Nigeria), the medical team participation with greater detail (development of responsibility), an challenges (setting up the medical mission). Properly focusing on the relevant discussion in relation to your maturity as an individual will help you present a more relevant personal statement.

Writing Feedback / Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another [3]

You cannot write 395 words within 40 minutes. You are not leaving yourself any time, if you even manage to actually write the complete essay within that time frame, for proof reading. There are obvious and uncorrected LR, grammar, and word usage problems in the presentation. These make it obvious to the examiner that you did not edit the essay for errors and content, you only wanted to write more words, hoping that you will pass because of the length, rather than the lack of errors in your presentation.

Your introduction is too long and does not serve the purpose of a topic restatement with reasoning topic presentation should be no more than 5 sentences, Only sentence 3 actually applies to the discussion from the original presentation:

Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

The paraphrase itself lends to a different discussion from the one required. Therefore, your essay has changed the topic for discussion and as such, will receive a failing score due to a discussion that is not related to the task requirement. You failed to explain why people prefer to socialize online instead of in person. There was no requirement to discuss health hazards or other research. This is purely a personal knowledge essay discussion .

Your solution recommendations are in line with the original topic. However, the lack of reasons for in-person socialization proves to be the failing aspect of your presentation. You need to learn to understand the questions first. Improve your English comprehension skills. Write simpler essays for now. Do not use the complicated task 2 discussion points. Use the simple agree or disagree essays for now. Get a feel for the discussion patterns and learn how to approach these properly. Then your score should begin to improve in the practice tests.

Writing Feedback / Society's appreciation and attention to teachers [5]

The essay is too long for a 40 minute task. You should only aim to write between 275-290 words to allow you enough time to double check your presentation for errors, and have enough time to correct these. Yes, there are errors in your essay if you bother to review it. Your aim, as an exam taker, is to make as little to no mistakes as possible so that you can get the best possible writing score. The rule of thumb is, write no more than 3-5 sentences per paragraph for maximum scoring efficiency.

You have not used the original information in your presentation. You have not properly rephrased the original statement nor properly outlined your reasons for the opinion you should have presented. These are required information based on the TA rule regarding the clarity of your opinion. The addition of the reasoning topics would help the examiner get a better overview / quick understanding of your opinion that should be in the succeeding presentation paragraphs.

You should have simply indicated the paraphrase as:

The teachers of today are better appreciated than their predecessors were. This is the opinion that most people have, which I also support. My agreement with this statement comes from the way that teachers are now seen as influencers and how teachers are able to shape the future of their students based on their ability to influence young minds.

Now, while the example I gave above is still not in accordance with the presentation, as I tried to base it mostly on what you wrote, which is severely lacking in appropriate discussion topics, it is a close enough version of how the paraphrase section should have been presented. Your essay does not really discuss the appreciation aspect as required by the essay. You are more of describing the modern job of a teacher and how it is done. Which is not the point of the essay. Your concluding paraphrase is also inaccurate and useless. It should be written with at least 40 words and 2-3 sentences that properly restate the topic and your discussion points.

Again, the length of the essay is useless when the content and presentation shows all you can do is type in English. You have to be able to show that you understood the topic being presented through a proper discussion of your supporting reasons within 2 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Essay about computers' translation - hoping for review [5]

You have presented an extremely long discussion that never answered the question, "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" You wrote an epic of a paper at 357 words. A number of words that cannot be written within the 40 minute time frame if you consider that you still need to proof read the essay prior to submission. Regardless of the number of words that you wrote, and the reasons you presented, since you did not respond to the question asked and, you changed the discussion topic in the process, you will not get a passing score for this essay. You failed to understand the discussion requirement and format as indicated in the prompt. You included information in your paraphrase that are not part of the original discussion, you failed to show that you understand questions when given in English. Your actual response is not related to the given discussion at all.

Here is a simple comparison of the original and your response:

OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: From my perpective, significant as the aid of computer-based translator, acquiring a different language cannot be considered inferior due to manifold reasons.

You should be able to clearly see where your mistake lies and why you changed the discussion topic of the essay right? Thus leading to an overall failing TA score. Now, add to this your LR, C&C, and other problems / errors in the presentation. All of these elements will add up to your failing overall score. You will do well to first review the work of others when it comes to addressing the Task 2 topic. You can review the presentations here. These should help you do a better job in your next practice test. As of now, this is an impossibly hopeless essay that cannot get a passing score.

Scholarship / Water Resources Engineering - Application Essay for Masters Programme [2]

The last part of the essay where you say "In my home country..." should be brought to the top of the presentation. That is the true motivation and purpose behind your desire to study FRM. Connect that paragraph with one big eye opening experience rather than a series of challenges and reported information in relation to the issue of FRM in your country. I do not really see one big reason that would compel you to enter into this masters course based on your narrative. The actual purpose and cataclysmic event that encouraged you to study the course needs to be presented as the purpose of your study. You must clearly show why you would want to prevent such an event from ever occurring again in your country.

As for your qualifications, I am afraid that you will have to mention the companies by name this time. The reviewer may want to verify your claims by calling the companies you claim to have had a working relationship with to further ask about the validity of your experience and qualification claims.

Undergraduate / Time Management - Tell Us About Who You Are UBC Personal Profile Question [2]

There is a lack of clarity in some of your sentence presentations. For example:
- I have always been able to analyze obstacles that I am faced with solve them on my own (what exactly do you mean in reference to problem solving? There is a missing word here)

- I have a big heart as I'm always there for my friends for support (There is a grammar structure issue here. Either a missing word or a change of word usage is required)

Do not muddle the last paragraph with all of your activities. It isn't time management that you should be proud of. Revise the paragraph to focus instead on why you are proud of being able to remain calm and focused when things are crazy, hectic, and confusing. Use one example to help explain your point. Do not use so many reference points that you fail to clearly explain yourself in the paragraph.

Actually, that is the main problem with your presentation. Your paragraphs have a problem clearly explaining what you want to say. Either because you rushed the writing of the statement (and forgot to proof read and correct the errors) or, because you need professional help in cleaning up the presentation. Either way, this is a good draft, just review, edit, and revise the presentation until you achieve the clearest response presentation that you can.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE OF GOING TRAVELLING FOR A YEAR THEN GO TO UNIVERSITY [3]

Your essay will be scored less because you are adding to the discussion instructions that were originally provided. Every time you change the discussion instructions, either by adding or removing an instruction reference, you will get percentage deductions in the TA score. This essay does not ask for your personal opinion, yet you provided one. The parts of that essay that pertain to that discussion will be ignored and deducted from your final score. Your essay will end up being only 238 words, when only the relevant discussion points are considered. That means, a percentage of point deductions will be applied on your 335 word writing. Please remember to always follow the instructions. Proving that you can follow the discussion instructions will get you a better score than writing an irrelevant essay discussion.

In this essay you should try to follow the following format for the 2 reasoning paragraphs:
Sentence 1: Dis/Advantage topic
Sentence 2: Explanation
Sentence 3: Transition sentence
Sentence 4: Connected Dis/Advantage topic
Sentence 5: Supporting explanation that strengthens the 2 Dis/Advantages presented

One paragraph for the advantage, one paragraph for the disadvantage, following the above discussion format will surely get you a better score than this presentation which does not follow the required discussion format.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The report, based on graphs, regarding US charity for children [3]

This is a 3 paragraph report, not a 4 paragraph report. How can you tell the difference? Look at the instructions and the image presented. Then count the number of topics you are expected to present and analyze. In this case you have to:

Par. 1: Create a summary overview + trending statement
Par. 2: Discuss and compare the Revenue Sources
Par. 3: Discuss and compare the expenditures

The summary overview itself is incomplete and does not give an accurate word description of the information provided. There were 2 pie charts ( you identified only 1), The type of measurement used (percentages), The content of each pie chart to be presented, along with the trending statement as the final sentence. This is one reason why the presentation you have given is inaccurate and uninformative to the reader.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island [3]

Unfortunately, you have not written enough words to warrant a passing TA score in this presentation. You have to write at least 150 words within 20 minutes. You only wrote a total of 137 words, 13 words short of the minimum requirement. Appropriate percentage points will be deducted for the missing word count. Which means, your TA score will be failing from the very start. Add to that the conciseness issues of this report and you can truly understand why you will not be able to achieve a passing score. The main problem is that you chose to summarize the information as best as you could. While you were asked to summarize the information, it is also important to include a sentence or two within the paragraphs that shows an analysis of the images provided.All you did was report on the information, without any true analysis of the two images presented.

Writing Feedback / The view that providing free public transport could resolve traffic jams [4]

The prompt paraphrase needs work. It is confusing to read and does not follow the original theme of the presentation. I am not sure where you got the idea that this is an argument (it is a discussion) and that there is a multiple choice of solutions (there aren't). You did get the extent response right though so, good work on that. However, your extent response is lacking. There should have been 2 topics outlined as to why you disagree with the view.

In the reasoning paragraphs, the solution that you presented is out of place. That is not a discussion requirement and as such, will result in a word deduction on your part. You will only be scored for the parts that you wrote which coincide with the discussion requirements as presented. So, rather than having a score based on 285 words, you will have a score based on 209 words instead. That means, your essay is now under the word count and appropriate word percentage deductions will be applied. Needless to say, the deduction will result in an immediate failing score on your part. It will be difficult to recover from that type of penalty as you even have spelling, grammar, along with C&C errors in the presentation, that will also result in points deductions.

Further review of your work shows me that you have only 1 actual reasoning discussion based on your actual opinion. The first half, is an explanation of the public point of view which is unnecessary. There should have been a 2nd related succeeding paragraph presentation to complete the 2 reasoning paragraph requirement for the extent essay. The examiner only wants to know the 2 reasons you do not support the given statement. He doesn't need you to explain the topic to him. He is already familiar with it.

Writing Feedback / The overconsumption of natural resources. What are the dangers? [3]

There are several problems with your prompt paraphrase and response paragraph. The first, is that you have not accurately represented the prompt information in terms of rephrasing the following:

- The world natural resources are being consumed at an ever-increased rate.
- What are the dangers of this situation?
- What should we do?

There is an unsuccessful outlining of the topic and answers, in topic form, regarding the questions asked. Therefore, the clarity of your paraphrase is not as evident as it should be. The topic was only slightly restated in a proper manner, and the 2 questions were not directly responded to in the paragraph. It is important to deliver direct topic responses as this serves to clarify your discussion points and also, helps keep you on track in terms of response paragraph development.

Now, although you have written 350 words for this task, a number that you cannot complete during an actual test, you failed to deliver on the clarity of your explanation and the coherence of your discussion points. All of the content in your first reasoning paragraph are mere topic sentences, without proper explanation, examples, and discussion development. Therefore, that paragraph is severely under developed. Aim to always use only one clear topic that you can connect to the next paragraph you have to develop. While your reasons in that paragraph are good, the lack of proper explanation and topic development is what will hold back that paragraph from achieving a proper score.

Then there is the problem of the connectivity of your solutions paragraph to the previous discussion. Since you had too many topics presented in the first reasoning paragraph, it is difficult to connect the solution you presented in the next paragraph. Without the connection between the two topics in terms of problem and solution, the solution paragraph does not serve a full purpose in the presentation. That is why you have to pick one cause that you easily connect to your solution paragraph.

Finally, you need to focus on proper spelling, grammar, and sentence clarity in your presentation. These are the additional presentation problems that will prevent you from getting a passing score, even though you did your best to write as many words as you could within 40 minutes. Simply writing a lot of words, without editing them, will result in more errors on your part. That, is what you have to avoid if you want to pass this test.

Letters / Media and technology - Motivation letter for Erasmus programme [3]

Past experiences that prepared you for participation in the masters program does not include non-professional experience. You are to speak of your professional development since you graduated from university, entered the workforce, and found yourself working in a more focused manner in the digital communication field. It is based upon this professional experience that your leadership as a digital communicator should begin to show evidence. The story about your neighbor, and the activities contained are notable, but irrelevant to the discussion. It does not show your ability to become a digital communication leader as there was no digital communication involved at the time of that activity.

Your undergraduate course is relevant to the discussion but, there is still a lack of professional application of your knowledge, which is a requirement for these types of masters courses. You should have at least 2 years relevant professional experience in the related field in order to at least be considered as a candidate. As of now, this is a not a competitive presentation. It lacks in professional merit, consideration, and future career planning as required by the EM scholarship program.

Undergraduate / A creative family - What is important to you? And why? UBC APPLICATION [3]

Your response is not properly focused. You are discussing creativity in relation to your family. Which has led you to divert and discuss your family background and the occupations of your parents. It would be better if you keep the creativity theme, but focus on its personal importance to you instead. Avoid referencing creativity in relation to your parents. However, the problem I have with this essay is that you discuss creativity in general rather than focusing on a specific creative activity instead.

For example, a painter would consider creativity important. It is important to the artist because his imaginative mind is set free on the canvass. A writer would consider creativity important because his words create a mental safe space for him to express himself. A dancer would consider creativity important because the movement of the body helps him express his emotions creatively, through body motion. Do you see why it is difficult to discuss creativity in general terms as something important to you? If you want to stick to the creativity response, then you need to narrow down the focus of your discussion to a specific creative activity which can help explain the importance of creativity, in relation to the action, to you as a person and in your life.

Writing Feedback / THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION (IN TERAWATT HOURS) IN FRANCE BETWEEN 1982 AND 2012 [4]

Lessen your writing next time. Avoid cutting into the writing time for the Task 2 essay, which is what happens when you write 217 words. Even as you prove to be a fast typist, the focus should be less on words and more on the clarity of the detailed information presentation. For example, you said that a graph was presented, but failed to indicate the type of graph. So that will be considered incomplete information. What were the 4 sources? How was it measured? Your summary overview should be more complete than what you have presented here.

The summary overview is important as it helps the reader form a mental picture of the succeeding information presentation. While there is a trending statement, you presented two of them instead of one. There should only be a single trend presented, whichever you consider more important. You won't be scored extra for giving more than one trending statement, but you will be faulted for not presenting a trending statement in the correct format.

There are several overlapping measurement points given in the graph. You should have mentioned at least one of these overlapping points. The examiner will consider this a true analysis of the provided image because you are asked to present similarities whenever possible. There were no real overlapping similarities presented in your essay which would make the essay incomplete in presentation yet again.

Undergraduate / The most important thing to me is family - UBC Personal Statement [3]

There is nothing unique about this statement response. The importance of family is one of the most standard application themes for this topic. The reviewer is extremely tired of such expected and cookie cutter responses that the minute they read the word family, they tend to move on to the next applicant. You need to think outside of the box. Consider a response that would be unique yet still aligned with something important to you. That way you give the reviewer a unique perspective of what you consider important and how that important thing has helped you mature and become prepared for college. While this essay is acceptable, it does not stand out. If the essay does not stand out, then the reviewer will not remember you application in the end.

Since you have a maximum of 250 words to respond to this essay, do it within 2 paragraphs. That way it will be easier for the reviewer to read the essay and also, make the information more review friendly in case the reviewer decides to look for interesting keywords within your response. The easier it is for him to review your response, the more he may tend to remember what you wrote.

Letters / Letter to express my interest in studying at University under Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship [5]

A motivation letter should look into 2 different aspects of growth in relation to your career interests. The first, is the academic motivation for studies and the second, is the personal growth aspect in relation to the advanced studies. Your letter does not really focus on the aspects that the reviewer would be interested in knowing about. You need to keep most of this information for the statement of purpose. So, the best way to divide this motivation letter, depending upon your word count would be as follows:

For the Academic Motivation:
Use paragraphs 3,4,5, 6. However, you will need to further expand the reasons for your university choices. As of now, these paragraphs are too short. They do not portray any true motivation for choosing the course at that university other than superficial reasons. These are not motivating factors to choose a university. You need to delve on your academic goals and how the course choice at each university will help you achieve that academic goal in relation to your future career plans.

For the personal motivation:
When you discuss the university choices, present the social reason for your choice after the academic reasons. That way you can show that you are looking to better yourself as a member of an international community. You should not however, come across as wanting to take a tour of the country on a student visa or sponsored capacity. That is the usual mistake the students make when trying to balance these two discussions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2- Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. Advantages and disadvantages of this [4]

You need to provide a close enough reference to the original prompt in your restatement. You cannot change or add to the original presentation because that changes the essence or message of the original prompt. A more appropriate restatement would have been:

More young adults these days own internet connected mobile phones. With this ownership also comes benefits and drawbacks. Based on some personal considerations, I would have to say that due to the prevalence of these gadgets, there are more negatives than positives to its ownership by these people.One advantage is... While a commonly known disadvantage is...

Avoid starting words with conjunctions. As connecting words, you should be sure that there is an idea previously presented which will connect to the next idea in a cohesive manner. That means, you should not be starting the second sentence in the first reasoning paragraph with "because" or "And". The first reasoning paragraph was getting along well in terms of clarity. However, the sudden entry of the Covid-19 discussion in the paragraph, with very little explanatory development, created a confusing and little developed topic presentation. You should have just stuck with the single reason you presented at the start. Setting aside that error though, you did a good job in using a transition sentence at the end of that paragraph. That will surely help your C&C score as you proved that you could connect the advantage and disadvantage discussion in a clearly connected manner. You presented a convincing negative discussion as well. It was clearly defended using knowledge and examples.

However, you did not write a proper concluding paragraph. I am not sure what you were trying to discuss in that paragraph. Whatever it was, you failed to clearly make yourself understood. Next time, aim to simply restate the topic, the advantage, the disadvantage, and your opinion. Do these within 3 sentences and you will be able to present a well developed and presented concluding summary.

Writing Feedback / The graph compares figures the salary players of basketball , football ,baseball sports between [3]

What sort of graph is it? A line graph. Be specific. You will be presented with various types of graphs depending upon the task requirements. Part of your job, when summarizing the essay, is to represent the data in full detail whenever possible. That includes, a proper identification of the image provided. Based on your summary of the information based on the year on year presentation, you would have scored better if you had indicated that these information:

... were collated over a period of 3 decades, from 1970 up to 2000.

Why should you have worded the presentation that way? It would have helped show your ability to form more complex sentences and increase your GRA score. It would have helped with your LR score because you would have used intermediate vocabulary to form the sentence as well.

However, the main problem with your presentation is not the format of the presentation but rather, the number of words in the presentation. You must always present a minimum of 150 words for the task 1 essay. You only presented 140 words in this presentation. Therefore, a word count deduction will be applied to your work, resulting in a lower than expected opening TA score. Why will the missing 10 words affect your TA score? The accuracy of your presentation is scored based on your ability to meet the minimum word count. So no matter how few the words, you still showed that you cannot form a data driven essay that meets the minimum word presentation requirement.

Writing Feedback / The figure of male and females who have studied full time or part time education in three periods [3]

Your summary overview is non-existent. Your identification of the image provided is not included, the important years of comparison, measurement type, and proper trending statement are all faulty. This essay is not off to a very good start. Your TA score will be in the failing level from the very start. Your TA score will be the basis of your overall score. When you start with a low to failing TA score, you cannot expect to get an overall passing score.

Use the plural form of "thousands" when writing the numerals in word form. When you type out the numerals itself, you should use the singular version of the word presentation. You have used the word improperly in this instance:

About less than 200 thousands = About less than 200 thousand

Your essay contains several GRA problems and LR errors that show how badly you need to familiarize yourself with the basic English grammar rules. Learn the rudiments of sentence writing in English first, then attempt to write only simple sentences. You are stretching to immediately write complex sentences when you are not really capable of writing in that manner just yet.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Who should take the responsibility to reduce the environment damage? [3]

Always restate the original topic in your own words. You are scored on your ability to understand and restate topics for discussion in English. You failed to represent the statement in your first sentence. You also added information about people taking one side over the other when no such implication was made in the original prompt. You will lose points for adding information to the essay. Your extent response is confusing and does not include a proper reference to the discussion topics to follow. This is a very bad restatement + response paragraph. I do not doubt it will get a failing TA score.

What title are you constantly referring to? If you mean the topic, then you have to be creative and find several ways of restating it throughout the essay if you want to get a good LR score. You also confuse the discussion with such unclear word references, which will lower your C&C score.

You should stop writing practice tests at this point. You are not yet ready. You should only be reading example essays at this point to help familiarize yourself with the various discussion formats related to the task 2 essay. If you continue to write using this format, you should not expect to pass the test.

Letters / Motivation letter for Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship, MSc in Structural Engineering [2]

There is an over presentation of information in this essay. You do not need all of this information to complete the Letter of Motivation. You only need a few specific paragraphs from this essay. You may use paragraphs 3,4,5,6 for the revised version. A word of caution though, never combine the discussion for 2 different universities into one presentation. You must present the motivation for each university in separate paragraphs, regardless of the same masters course being chosen. Each university should stand alone and be highlighted, depending upon your reasons for choosing it. If you choose the same course, for the same reasons, at different universities, then the reviewer will consider the application insincere and very little researched as you cannot point out different reasons for choosing the same course at different universities. Where is the motivation for your choice? There isn't any that will convince the reviewer that you are a serious applicant because you could not be bothered to research the curriculum per university and develop unique motivations for each choice.

Writing Feedback / Some say that it is good for children to stay away from the families and go to boarding school [2]

In the first sentence, you need to use the word "or" to show the options between boarding school and day school. By the way, you will lose LR points for using cut and paste or memorized words in that sentence. You need to reword the keywords to reflect your LR ability. When you use the same words from the original presentation, you will find that you will have LR points deductions. Learn to use synonyms to help increase your LR score.

Always remember to capitalize the first word of every new sentence. That is part of your GRA consideration. This is one of the few essays where a comparative discussion is actually allowed. You did a good job of transitioning into that discussion in your question response sentence.

More GRA errors in your essay. You cannot and should never, under any circumstance use 2 punctuation marks one after another. That is a large GRA deduction. Either use a comma or use the ellipses. Do not use both. There is no English grammar rule that allows for that. Do not use contractions in your presentation either (There's = There is)

Never pose a rhetorical question in the essay either. Simply continue with the discussion using a topic sentence at the start. The rhetorical question will not help you score any better in any category, it may even serve to create a distraction for you, which will result in a change of discussion flow in the essay. That is why it is better to avoid posing questions in any written essay.

The conclusion is incomplete. You cannot use only 2 sentences, with a missing punctuation mark at the end. Properly summarize the discussion points, then present your opinion again, before you use the last 2 sentences you presented above.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad [3]

You can further improve the prompt restatement by making proper reference, using your own words, to the scientific basis of the discussion. That is missing in your presentation and could be seen as a reason to reduce your TA score. You also need to clearly state the discussion topics you will be presenting, two reasons and 2 solutions for discussion over 2 reasoning paragraphs.

Using numerical ordinals in your presentation will not help you increase your TA score. It also results in an under developed topic discussion. Your presentation lacks cohesiveness and coherence due to the lack of connecting statement or sentence between the two topics. Learn how to use transitional sentences when writing cause and effect essays that require 2 topics per paragraph presentation. That is the best way to increase both your GRA and C&C score.

Your concluding summary is incorrect. It should contain at least 40 words, depicting the topic, causes, and solutions, prior to your closing statement. All you have is a run on sentence that does not appropriately reflect the previous discussion. This can affect your TA score even further.

Undergraduate / Freedom - the right to choose. What is most important to you and why? [4]

You said freedom is important to you. That is a good topic to choose for this discussion. You listed the types of freedom that you believe in, also a good point. The problem, is that you missed the point of the personal importance of freedom to you. That is the discussion that the rest of the essay should have focused on. Why personal freedom is important to you.

You need to focus less on listing the freedoms that are important to you and more on the fact that you are a highly opinionated person who is being silenced by your country. That is where the importance of freedom should come from. In particular, you should discuss the importance of freedom of expression in a way that relates to what is happening to you as a person, as an individual, and as a person of your gender. Make the reviewer feel the importance of this freedom to you and why you should be given a chance to study at UBC because of your desire to achieve this freedom in your life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - BAR CHARTS - THE HIGHEST RANKING MEDAL WINNERS BY TOP FIVE COUNTRIES [3]

There is a need for you to understand that all the information presented in the Task 1 essay must be in summary form. Therefore, the summary overview should have indicated that there were 2 bar charts immediately. The type of medals given out, and the 2 Olympic seasons represented. The trending statement should also be indicated in the summary overview.

You must never say "To summarize" in the task 1 presentation because the overall presentation is a summary in and of itself. Only direct statements indicating the information provided should be referenced. This is not a task 2 essay so there is no requirement to summarize or conclude the presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Should only subjects which are beneficial to students' future career be taught? [3]

You are being asked to provide 2 reasons to prove the extent of your disagreement with the given topic. This is a single opinion discussion that is based on the strength of your reasoning skills. You have to convince the examiner that your opinion is based on analysis and experience, but not a comparative discussion of the two opinions. Your paraphrase has accidentally made a claim in the first sentence that does not have any basis in the original discussion as provided. There is no reference to the school curriculum . That should not be included in the paraphrase. There are only 2 points for paraphrasing prior to your extent respone:

1. Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career
2. Others subjects such as music and sports are not important.

My next question is, Why do you strongly disagree with the opinion? Where is the reasoning outline that will help to clarify your opinion and reasoning discussion points? Without the outline, the representing response is incomplete.

There is no reason to justify both discussion points in a comparison discussion as you are only asked to give valid reasons to support your point of view. Therefore, you have to present 2 disagreeing opinions that prove your point as acceptable. A comparative discussion blurs your opinion, which runs counter to the clear opinion that you presented as your formal response to the question.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - How to evaluate a person? [4]

There is a problem with your prompt paraphrase. You are not presenting any. As a task 2 essay, your main score will come from your ability to understand the original discussion presentation, then present it in your own words. Your presentation not only omitted presenting the original discussion topic, it presented a difficult to understand paragraph presentation. There is no point to your presentation due to the lacking prompt paraphrase. Your essay will automatically fail at this point. So you have a bigger problem than just grammar and vocabulary. You have inadequate English writing (and most likely speaking ) skills that have prevented you from properly formatting and addressing the essay discussion.

The discussion provided is not academic in consideration and shows a superficiality in your discussion capacity. You are not presenting an analyzed essay discussion with valid discussion points. You are just discussing based on a personal opinion, which does not really match the discussion requirements. There is no balanced discussion within the 3 reasoning paragraphs. The paragraphs should have reflected:

- A stand alone public point point of view discussion of the social status and material possession consideration
- A stand alone discussion pertaining to old fashioned values, as understood by the public
- Your personal opinion in support of one of the two public points of view

Undergraduate / Extremely opinionated - Tell us about who you are. UBC application essay [4]

This prompt in particular asks you to look at yourself with a critical eye, from the point of view of others. Describing yourself, based on your understanding of yourself is not part of the discussion. The reviewer wants to get to know you from the point of view of others. Your family, should be able to speak of your character as a person, based upon how you were raised. Hence their point of view will be about your character development. Your friends, will be the recipients of your character, based upon how you were raised. So they should be able to see you and describe your character based upon a social setting. Your community members, can be any of your teachers, who can speak of your diligence as a student, your respect for the Honor Code, or the like. You can also choose the leader of an organization you are a member of outside of school who can speak of your civic mindedness.

You are not referring to something that you are most proud of in this essay, which is an important part of the discussion. What do you feel you excel at and why are you proud of that achievement or character? Base the response on how your parents and other people view you. This is a character discussion essay. The reviewer wants to find out if you are the kind of student who can add to the credit of the student community and why. Your response does not reflect upon those requirements.

Discuss, do not just give short responses. The reviewer will not get to know you through superficial and curt responses.

Writing Feedback / Some people argue that individuals' freedom should be in accordance with laws and rules, otherwise, [2]

You cannot both agree and disagree with the given statement. That is clearly a non opinion which will get you a failing TA score. Why? The clarity of your opinion is missing. You have to discuss only a single opinion clearly using 2 convincing reasoning paragraphs.

You have failed to discuss this essay in the required format, a measured single opinion response. This means you cannot be scored based on the given requirements. You have to review the proper approach to discussing single opinion extent essays. You can review similar discussions here to serve as your guide.

Bear in mind that you are scored first, on your ability to form a solid opinion, then your ability to clearly explain the reasons for your opinion second. You clearly failed to form an opinion of the singular kind, and strongky defend it via a measured tesponse in this essay.

Research Papers / Research papers writing with topic "Peer pressure" (Introduction) [2]

Your introduction is not effective. You need to be able to first introduce the meaning of peer pressure to the reader. Then explain why it is important to better understand how peer pressure affects students and friends in groups these days. Never use a quotation in your thesis paragraph. That is too soon. It does not allow you to properly explain the importance of this topic in your own words. Professors do not like it when students cop-out and use a citation so early in the presentation.

The fact that you use personal knowledge as a part of the thesis statement is what makes this an interesting introduction. This is what can be the main focus of the discussion. However, you need to clarify your thesis statement. What topics do you think peer pressure discussions should cover? Why those topics? In the end, what do you hope to achieve by discussing this topic, presenting relevant information, and offering an opinion ( if required) in this paper? These are the thesis outline representations that should be clearly read in your introduction paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 bar graph about the internet users in 3 countries; Greece, Denmark, and Canada [3]

Please provide the graph next time. I cannot review your essay for proper content response without it. I am uncertain as to whether you properly addressed the requirements of the task or, if you did not provide a proper report at all because of the lack of reference point.

The task 1 essay is composed of 3 paragraphs, no more than 175-190 words. While you wrote enough words to warrant a serious review of your work, the lack of proper formatting will be an issue for this essay. The summary overview appears to be incomplete in information presentation. There is no clear trending statement. The information provided does not have any clear reference points. Most importantly, there are only 2 paragraphs when you are required to 3 paragraphs for the task 1 essay.

I will not comment on the content of the report at this point as there is no image with which to compare it to. I can do that next time, if you follow the forum rules and upload the image related to the report you have written. Please be aware of your punctuation usage and spacing when typing. You often have extra spaces between words and punctuation marks improperly placed that make the essay more difficult to read.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: equal opportunities and rights of studying and selecting courses at school [2]

Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. You have offered information that is not in the original prompt. Due to the shortness of the prompt, it is clear that you are given more room in the introduction to focus on the presentation of your discussion topics, rather than a long representation of the discussion topic and implied reasons. Hence the proper paraphrase would have been:

These days, there is a developing discussion regarding the tertiary education of students. It is said that colleges and universities should use a balanced ratio of men and women students in every major department. I do not agree with this suggestion as it goes against 2 of my beliefs about education. The first, is that education is a personal experience. The second, is that there students must be accepted in various courses based on talent and merit, rather than gender.

By clearly explaining that the original prompt merely made a statement, rather than making it appear that you were immediately asked to give a personal opinion by the original prompt, you are sticking to the information from the original, which is a requirement for the paraphrased presentation. Then, by offering a clear degree of disagreement with the statement based on your personal opinion, you will score higher in the TA section as your response opinion is not only clear, but supported by the discussion outline.

As for the first reasoning paragraph, you should close it on a better note. At the moment, the last sentence, about the personal preference, could use some examples or an example to prove your point of view. Remember that you are being asked to speak from personal experience or public knowledge, so an example at that point would prove useful.

In the second reasoning presentation, the last sentence also has a glaring LR error. You claim that is it an "impractical" measure. Impractical means; not useful. However, you are talking about something useful such as selecting candidates based on merit. So the word you are looking to use is practical, which means: useful. Such errors in word usage will have a lowering effect on your final LR score.

You closed the essay on an open ending. There is no actual conclusion. The proper conclusion would have at least a 2 sentence, 40 word summary of your previous topic, and 2 reasons before you close with the "hard to apply in the real world" sentence.