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Posts by mardian24
Name: Mardian Rinaldi
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 46
Posts: 60  
From: Indonesia
School: SMAN8

Displayed posts: 106 / page 2 of 3
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mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exercise writing test 2 (Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job..) [4]

Hi alfinkurnia, I want to give some comments on your essay

Nowadays, Most of people assumedassume when they work (...) to get more muchmuch more money
1. Nowadays, usually a time signal for present tense. You should change into present.

2. Eventhough even though, sometimes they work whowhat they dislike

3. Moreover, topeople choose for job which unappropriateinappropriate with their background
You need verb in sentence, so just eliminate 'to'.
you can use inappropriate to state that something wrong happen

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of money which was given by city council and destined for members of books club [2]

Hi Alfinkurnia, let me give some comments

1. There are two spelling errors
ilustrates ----> illustrates
approximtely ----> approximately

2. ... of money has been given by city council ...
If you want to use passive sentence, you can use v + be + past participle

3. Overall, between the first year and second year ...
You have to use The + adjective/adverb to tell about superlative.

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several reasons why distance learning is more useful than conventional learning. IELTS 2 [7]

Hi Ummasm, I'm trying to give some comments on your essay.

1. This enables them to decideddecide learning while ...
After 'to' should be followed by infinitive. In this sentence, you have to replace decided into decide

2. The Distance of learning makemakes student can ...
Because the subject is singular (distance for learning), you must use singular verb.

3. In body one, it better for you to explain the reason of your main idea before you give example. It will make strong paragraph, or you can use only one idea and you give more supporting idea to make it clear.

Thanks
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Showing TV shows in all countries - writing IELTS academic task two [6]

Hi Bams, let me give some comments on your essay.

1. ... When they showsshow the USA ..
After they should be followed by plural verb

2. ... anything about the USA, such as ...
before 'such as' you need to give comma

3. ... about the country, they should visitingvisit directly the place
It is about first condition sentence, you need to use comma when you are telling about new clause and after modal must followed by infinitive

Thank you,
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table gives a clue on consumer spending on different articles [3]

The table gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

The table illustrates the information about the percentage of items that people buy in five different countries in 2002. Overall, it can be seen that food/drink/tobacco dominated item which was bought over five countries while leisure/education was less favorite.

Turkey has the biggest percentage in food/drink/tobacco item at 32.14 percent when Sweden was the smallest at 15.77 percent. This category always has the percentage above 15 percent. The next item was clothing/footwear which is dominated by Italy at 9 percent while Sweden was the smallest at 5.40 percent. The last item was leisure/education which has score under 5 percent. Spain has the smallest percentage at 1.98 percent and the smallest from the all items.

Sweden has the lowest percentage in two items at 15.77 percent and 5.40 percent when Turkey has the highest percentage in two items at 32.14 percent and 4.35 percent. The second fovurite item was clothing/footwear which has the percentage between 5 percent and 10 percent.
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is a magic which is very hard to describe [2]

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Having a happy life is the purpose for everyone. It is the most essential thing that someone wants to make it true. Happiness is a magic which is very hard to describe, but many factors can make people happy.

Everybody has different opinion if someone asks about happiness. It happens because the rate of happiness is different from one person to another. Sometimes people said that happiness is reached by having luxury car and in the other side said that having a child is the real happiness. It depends on people's point of view how they feel or thing about happiness. For instance, a business man who has many companies never feel happy, but he feel worry to get lose their wealthy. In contrast, a poor man life happily even he does not have big house or much money. So, it is not easy to categorise what is happiness mean.

However, many ways can make people feel happiness. For the first is they have a good physic or health in body. People who get sick always imagine how lucky they are if they have good condition. After that, people who have good relationship with their family always happy, because they live in a peace and do not have conflict that can make them stress. And the most influence for getting happiness is always accept whatever the condition that people get through.

All in all, there is no doubt that happiness is very crucial in life. Even it is hard to describe but many ways to reach happiness itself. However, life by helping each other is an absolute happiness that can people gets in their life.
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of consumer spending based on sort of item and several countries in Europe [4]

Hi Pram, let me give some comments

1. ..., and Turkey) in 2002 isare provided by table
Because you mention two things which are connected by 'and', so you need to use 'are' rather than 'is'

2. ... for education/leisure iswas over 3%.
Because the data tell about something in the past, so you need to use simple past.
'is' should be replaced by 'was'.

3. ... percentage just under 7 presentpercent .
I think it is wrong word, it is better to replace 'present' into 'percent'.

Thank you
Keep Writing
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are five steps and several types of equipment that can be used in the cement-making process [6]

Hi, I want to make some comments

1. ... information about how to steps and equipment are used to ...
You need verb auxiliary before 'used' because you want to make passive sentence

2. ... the cement-making process,and there are some percentages ...
You can use conjunction 'and' rather than 'comma' to give another idea

3. The steps of cement production areis lime stone and ...
You only mention want step in that sentence. So you should use 'is' instead of 'are'

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of materials transported based on four vary modes of transport in the UK [6]

Hi bada, let me give some comments

1. ... number of materials that transported based on ...
You do need to use conjunction in that sentence, because there is only one verb

2. ... that the highest of number of goods is road ...

3. it peaked up toat above 65 in 2002 ...

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is an abstract thing that cannot be measured. [3]

Hi nur, I want to make some comments

1. People feel alive when they are happy, joy, or delightful ...
After conjunction when, it needs verb. Because it happens in the present, the verb is 'are'

2. ... Robbert Waldinger,that discovered study about ...
You can use comma after 'Robbert Waldinger', to stress explanation about 'A psychiatrist in Harvard University'

3. Since close relationship effectaffect to people health ...

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Before entering university students in many countries do some activities like working or traveling. [2]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this


Before entering university students in many countries do some activities. It can be working or traveling. However, there are positive and negative effects by doing those things in their free time.

Studying in university is something serious that need to be prepared. Some students tend to use their time for working before entering university. It is very useful because they can get more experience that can increase their knowledge in work field. Also they can learn how to interact professionally with other people that can be implemented when they are studying in university. In further advantage, students will get money by working. They can use it for their necessity in college or pay enrolment in university. In other hand, student choose traveling instead of working because they want to refresh their mind after doing exam in senior high school and hopefully they will ready to study in the next step.

However, there are disadvantages while they decide to travel or work before beginning university as well. If they travel to some places, they do not have money to continue to university. After that, If they are working, they do not have much time to study. It is very essential because the method for studying in university is totally different than when they are in senior high school. So, they must self-study to understand the subject in university.

All in all, although, work and travel for a year before beginning university can give good impact students need to study as well. In my opinion, I suggest that students can work or travel only in a half year before class begin in university and the rest of that is used for studying to make it easier when they are in university.
mardian24   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'deciding by depth considerations'; People perspectives of fixed punishments for each type of crime [3]

Hi sarlinda, I want to make some comments

1. motives of criminals in around of us
You can say 'around us' to make it simple

2. Some of the criminal actions ...
Because you use 'some' you need to use noun in plural form
action ----> actions

3. ... of the law can be changechanged based on ...
If you want to use passive form, you can use to be + past participle

Thank You
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 [5]

The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

The line graph illustrates the number of stuff in million tonnes that has been delivered by four methods of transportation from 1974 to 2002 in the UK. Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend over twenty eight-years period and road is the highest transportation that is used in the same period with always more than sixty.

In 1974, road had higher number to deliver goods at about 70 than pipeline only at about 5. Between 1974 and1978 there was a slight increase in the number of roads but pipeline was steady. In the following years, pipeline went up to about 20 while road had a fluctuation. After that, in 2001 road hit a high point at about 95 which pipeline still the lowest number of four categories with about 20.

In the other hand, the equipment transported by rail and water almost the same number with about 38. After there was a cross between rail and water, water increased and water fell in 1978. From 1986 to 1990 rail and water were steady at about 37 and about 60 respectively.
mardian24   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every crime has been decided to various categories of people. Fixed punishment essay [2]

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that ...

Every crime has been decided to various categories of people. People think that there is a clear rule to conclude what category to every specific crime. In contrast, the condition of the crime itself and the motivation should be considered to make decision. However, in my opinion, I think the judge should consider many aspects before judging. Event there is a fundamental rule which talk about the category of crime.

To make sure what sort of punishment that is given to criminal, the judge should make what kind of criminal it is. It is better to understand the consequence every single criminal that have already happen. For instance, killer must be punished by death punishment or drug distributor has to be jailed throughout life. It make easier for government to warn people about the punishment that will be given if someone do a criminal. As a result, I think people will think twice again if they wan to do criminal. Therefore, exact punishment should be made to every specific crime.

However, they judge should understand other factors that make people do a criminal. The condition of individual crime has to be included to make decision. For instance, the effect of criminal can make people die or permanent disability. Those things are different although have the same category, such as, stealing. Another consideration is the purpose of doing crime. If people did criminal to look after their children, they will get less punishment instead of for holding party reason. So, it is very essential to know the reason from criminals and the effect of the action. In my opinion, every criminal do not always have some punishment, but it need to think again about the reason and condition.

All in all, even though there is specific punishment for each criminal, the punishment needs to be considered base on the circumstances and motivation. In my opinion, generalize the punishment should include many factors that make criminal happened. Because if now it will give more disadvantages than before.
mardian24   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building [3]

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams illustrate two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building. Overall, it can be seen that simple process to produce cement by mixing limestone and clay only and produce concrete by using four goods.

The components to make cement are limestone, clay, crusher, mixer, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags. The processes begin by crushing limestone and clay to be powder. After that, powder is entered to mixer and continues to rotating heater. It looks like look pipe with source of heat in the end. Next, powder is grinded to become cement. Finally it is ready to cover by bags.

The second process need cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel (25%) to produce concrete. There is a mixture that can be used to mix the entire source in one place. For the first, mix those things into concrete mixer. And then, the mixer will be rotate to mix the ingredients by clock wise rotating direction.
mardian24   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some literature state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. [5]

Hi bada, I want to give some comments

1. There many errors in spelling, you need to be careful about it. You can use your time in the end of writing to correct you answer. You can try to write quickly than before.

literatures ----> literature
citizent ----> citizen
traffict ----> traffic
Recetnly ---- > Recently
pertol ----> petrol
goverment ----> government

2. Some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution is influenced by fuels
You can use verb auxiliary before verb ordinary before make it as passive form

Thank you
Keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traffic congestion makes the amount of pollution rate increasing [2]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?


Throughout these days, traffic congestion has been the main problem in the city and it makes the amount of pollution rate is increasing. However, in my opinion, I agree that the price of oil can affect the number of transportation in the street and I am sure that there are the other solutions to face these problems.

Oil is the most significant thing for vehicles to operate. The prices of oil is higher than before, drivers tend to use public transportation. But, some people still drive a car because they want to arrive of their destination quickly. That is only the minority of people and the fact say that people do not want to buy gasoline which has high price and it will decrease the rate of pollution in the street. For instance, there was a sharp decrease in the number of vehicles in the street because the government made a rule to increase the price of oil twice in 2005. However, I agree that lowering of prices the way how to reduce pollution and traffic congestion while there are many solutions that can solve this problem.

Using public transportation is one of the solutions to decrease pollution in the city. But, the government needs to fix the public transportation that makes it faster and more comfortable for people to use. Another solution is that cars need to pay off the cross to some streets. The driver will think again if they have to pay every crossing the street. For instance, Electronic Road Price (ERP) is implemented by Indonesian government in protocol way. It has reduced 25 percent of cars in the street. The consequence is that pollution will decrease as well. However, many ways solve this problem in the street.

To sum up, I totally agree that the price of oil can handle the number of vehicles and lowering the pollution while these other solutions still can be implemented. In my opinion, this solution can be reality if the government is very serious to fix the problem.
mardian24   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Forbidding people driving or riding vehicles one by one is the best way to solve pollution problem [3]

Hi, I want to make some comments

1. Increasing the number of people causescause rising of the percentage
After the numer of is followed by plural verb. Hence, 'causes' should be replaced by 'cause'

2.This problem can make dramaticallygrowgrowing up dramaticallyof traffic and pollution in some areas
you can use adverb 'dramaticall' before verb and 'grow' should be made 'growing' to avoid double verb and it is better for you to delete 'of'

3. I think there are anotherthe otherwayways to solve this problem
In the question, you have to give more than solutions, so in this thesis statement you need mention two for minimum solutions. So I change 'another way' into 'the other ways' to make it plural.

Thanks
Keep writing
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The traffic jam and highly emissions of exhaust fumes are the crucial problems in big cities [3]

Hi sarlinda, I want to make some comments

1. ... improvements and emissions problems ...
If there are two noun (emission and problem) and you want make it plural, you can add 's' on the last noun. So 'emissions problems' should be replaced by 'emission problems'.

2. for have been beginningbegun some works in a timely ...
It is better for you to present perfect for meaning this sentence.

3. ... or working in time efficiently that cannot happen if ...
You can use conjunction to make it easier to read because you have connection word between one phrase and the following phrase.

Thank You
Keep Writing
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most travellers were satisfied with the job of nation's major domestic airlines that had been served [4]

be careful with spelling
costumer --> seems with tailor or seamstress
customer --> a person who buys goods or a service
The chart gives the information about levels of customer satisfaction with the US airlines services in 1999, 2000 and 2007.

meanwhile , customer who (...) by five percent in 2007 from 29% to 24%.
be careful if you use prepositions in time expressions
e.g : between ...and......
from ....... to.........

Overall, it can be seen that most of customer ...
be careful with past tense

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children can study more effective, however they can't eat junk foods, only healthy meals [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement ? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

In this era, children have many activities in school from in the morning until in the afternoon. To support the education, children must eat healthy food. As a result, process education will be better and children can study more effective.

Eating healthy food can surely give the best effect for students to get high score. Firstly, children attend to the class everyday because they do not sick. Secondly, they can concentrate while they are studying and they will more focus to listen what their teacher say. Finally, they can be smart because of nutrition that they have consumed everyday. For instance, based on the research in 2005, children who have IQ more than 100 always consumed healthy food that contains vitamin and protein. Although, there is a few child who always eat good food but still get bad score, it happens because they do not want study.

However, schools and parents are those who have responsibility to serve healthy food when children are studying in school. Because children usually buy food in school canteen, school have to make sure that the food is certainly fresh and clean. School can filter the food that can be sold in canteen and check the expired date of each food. After that, the condition of canteen itself must clean, because bacteri will be growth in dirty place. In the other hand, parents need to serve high quality food for their children if they are affraid about the food condition at school. They can give food with high nutrition, vitamin, and also include some fruits in children's meal. However, someone who lives closer to children is the one that have to make sure what children eat.

To sum up, healthy food is very important to make children fit. Beside that, school and parent have to give the best meal for children to support education process at school. In my opinion, children should protect themselves from dangerous food and obey what their parents or teacher in school suggesting to them about food.
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table shows the detail aspects from using airplane in percent from 1999, 2000, to 2007 in the US [3]

The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007.

The bar chart illustrates the rate of customer satisfication in airlines and the table shows the detail aspects from using airplane in percent from 1999, 2000, to 2007 in the US. Overall, it can be seen that over eight-years period the percentage in satisfied always higher than in dissatisfied and in aspect about courtesy of flight attendants is usually higher than the other aspects between 1999, 2000, and 2007.

There was an increase in satisfied answer from customers from 1999, 2000, to 2007 while in dissatisfied decreased. In satisfied answer hit a high point in 2007 at 72 percent while dissatisfied bottomed at 24 percent. Between 2000 and 2007, there was the highest decrease by 5 percent in dissatisfied answer.

In 1999, courtesy of flight attendants was the higher percentage at 88 percent when price of tickets was the lowest percentage at 45 percent. In 1999 and 2000, there was not people who was given answer to the survey about comfort of seats. After that, in 2007, courtesy of flight attendats was the highest at 92 percent when comfort seats was the lowest at 47 percent. Price of ticket and courtesy of flight attendats always increased over eight-years period.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is there any connection between children's learning ability at school and the food that they eat? [3]

Hi septiadara29, let me give some comments

1. There are some errors in spelling
healtier ----> healthier
develepment ----> development
healthly ----> healthy
responsbility ----> responsibility
healthyly ----> healthily
It is better for you to spare your time at least 3-5 minutes to check your spelling

2. it is undeniable that young peoplekids can learn effectively
It is better to use kid as a paraphrase than young people to replace children

Thank You
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of enjoyment the courtesy of US flight attendants rose 4% in eight years [4]

Hi septiadara29, Let me give you some comments

1. These datas are measured ...
'Data' can be countable and uncountable. If it is countable, 'data' is plural form and the singular form is 'datum'. But if you use data as uncountable, you do not need to add 's'

2. It was followed by the increasing number ofby 7% during ....
To tell about the difference between 2 data you can use 'by'

3. ... rose slightly at 92% ...
you can use 'reached a peak at 92% ' because it is the ...

Thank You
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Relationships of Employees with Their Manager and Co-Workers [6]

Hi SarlindaDS_27, let me give you comments

1. ... had been slightly increased ...
For the meaning, it is better to use active in this sentence instead of passive

2. ... over the years in 2005 and 2009. ..
You can say 'over the years' or over four-years period to make it simple

3. ... who do not have managers ...
You can give verb 'do' before not

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The appearance is very significant information about people's interest and sometimes their beliefs [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Clothes have developed in this modern era and they have been a fashion for many people. Appearance is very significant information about people's interest while sometimes it can be perception how people think about someone else. However, I think fashion is essential to predict people's life, but it is not absolutely true.

Various fashion styles that people have used in the century. From fashion, people know which clothes people like and it can be caused by financial condition. The rich usually wear luxury and branded product because they have much money to buy expensive clothes when the poor only wear standard clothes. Even they have same fashion mode, wealthy people certainly love higher class fashion than the poor. For instance, legislation council and farmer want to buy white t-shirt. And the result is so different in quality. Therefore, people's styles is indicate what they interest and it can be influenced by another factor.

Many reasons why people like trendy clothes or juts simple cothes happen today. It is hard to know that they are rich or not. For instance, Bill Gates always worn black long hand t-shirt while they published his product or had conference in from of people. It does not mean that he does not have enough money to buy expensive clothes. It is happen because he loves simple clothes. However, people should not underestimate people based on their fashion style, because sometimes it is opposite what we are thingking about.

All in all, people prefer to wear clothes that they like but it does not mean they are bad in financial. However, in my opinion, fashion is an art so it cannot be a tools for judging someone.
mardian24   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie charts present about the relationship between employees and supervisor and their work-mates [2]

The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their co-workers.

The pie charts present about the relationship between employees and supervisor and their work-mates in 2005 and 2009 based on surveys. Overall, it can be seen that the highest percentage both relationship with supervisor and job partners are very good and it's always more than fifty percent while the lowest percentage are don't have work-mates in 2005 and 2009.

In relationship with supervisor, there was an increase in very good percentage over 4-years period. It changed from 61 percent to 65 percent when there was a decrease in good results from 26 percent to 22 percent. Beside that, in don't have a supervisor there was an increase from 1 percent to 5 percent when there was a steady percentage in poor answer at 2 percent.

In relationship with co-workers, there was an increase in very good results from 63 percent to 70 percent while there were a decrease in good and fair results, from 28 percent to 25 percent and 7 percent to 3 percent respectively. But in 2009 there was not employees that have poor answer.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Let Heat lost and Energy Waste by Air Flows [2]

Hi Ana, let me give some comments

1 ...that getgets out and get ...
We are talking about air which is uncountable, so you should use singular verb
get ----> gets

2. It passes all the partparts of the first and ...
because there are many parts in this home, you can use plural form

3. It can rise to the second floor by evaporating process
It is true that water flow by evaporating process. But it can be an opinion. Because in the question there is mention about evaporation. So to avoid your own opinion, it is better to not using it.

Thank you
break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses [5]

Hi ifra, let me give some opinions

... of air getting into houses is ...
... of air out of houses ...
... into the first floor in houses ...
... is built in houses ...
... the heat loss in houses ...
Because only one house

... from second floor which is,such as window and kitchen ...
To give examples you can use 'such as'

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exploring every part of a house in search of a slots through which the air is leaking [3]

The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.Writi

The diagram provides about the process how air flow into and out of the house and make a heat loss in a house. Overall, it can be seen that air flow into a house from below side of the roof and flow out from roof.

Firstly, air come from many places, such as dryer vent, outdoor faucet, kitchen fan vent, electrical outlet, window, and door. After that the air from bottom side or first floor flow to the second floor. And then, in second floor there is an air come from electrical outlet, kitchen fan vent, window, and door. Together with the air from first floor, it flows to the upside into the roof.

However, heat loss happens on the roof. The process begin with the air entering the roof from second floor. After that, heat flow to the outside from bathroom fan velt and plumbing stack vent. Next, recessed lights make heat that will flow from the roof as well. In one hand, attic hatch through the chase from second floor and go outside to flow the heat.



  • Question
mardian24   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The owner of a company is focused primarily to make his company getting more benefits [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

In this modern era, there are many companies that have existed and growth. It happens because the owner is focus to make his company getting more benefits. However, I tend to disagree because lots of the other attention things must to do besides business itself.

Giving the best effort is very essential for someone who have business and want to get plenty of money. People need to discipline and concentrate only in specific aspect. Also, the effect is that customers will trust their business and buy everything that they sell. As a result, they will earn much money because of hard-working and focus on purpose. For instance, in the past McDonald was small shop that sold little food. Because the owner had good spirit and focus on his restaurant, he could get a lot of incomes. Thus, people must do everything maximally and only focus with one specific thing especially for doing a business.

Many things that companies need to focus on, such as social, environment, and the condition of their employee itself. The company cannot focus only to get much money, they have to remember about social effect which is very important to deal with. For instance, Pertamina has an activity to give a donation near the office to help poor people life better than before. So, companies do not have to focus only about getting money, but they have to understand about people who have given contribution to the company and it is better to share happiness to many people.

To sum up, getting lots of money is essential for companies, but they have to thing about another aspect. In my opinion, I think company will grow quickly if they have awareness with other people and do not only thing about benefit for their company.
mardian24   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to produce power energy using wind turbine with its proper location [6]

Hi bada, I want to make some comments

1. ... how producingproduce power energy ...
You need a verb after 'how', so producing should be replaced by produce

2. ... The equipments that needed ...
Equipment is uncountable, hence just write 'equipment' without s

3. Overall, wind turbine which areis located in hill ...
Because there is only one wind turbine, you should use singular verb.
are ---> is

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Without action to solve this problem, electronics may destroy a relationship between loved people [2]

Hi bada, I'm trying to make some comments

Introduction

In introduction, you have told about general statement,paraphrase the question, and make a thesis statements. It is brief, effective, and clear introduction. But you need to mention all the key ideas, in this question the ideas are, electronic media, negative effect, and relationship. You missed to tell about relationship between people. It is better for you to mention all of the idea in introduction or maybe you can tell on your body paragraf.

I want to make an the last introduction based on your idea

... I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect for people to make a relationship.

# who usinguse an electronic media ..
You need to include a verb after conjuction

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The external and internal communication, essential in work, in 1997 and 2002. [3]

Hi nurainiyusuf16, I want to give some comments

1. ... internal communication skills were more essential by ..
It was missing verb, so it should be added by 'were'

2. ... work in 1997 and 20022006 ...
Because in the tabel, it happens in 1997 and 2006. I think it is so crucial for task response, because of wrong data

3. In overall, you need to mention the year, do not only 'by year'. For instance, in 1997 and 2006

Thank you
Break a leg
mardian24   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are many bad effects instead of advantages for people who use electronic media excessively [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Several people have used electronic device to communicate with someone else, but sometimes it has mad bad impact in people's life. However, in my opinion, I tend to agree that electronic device has obviously caused drawback outweigh the positive effect.


Having a distance place make people want to have a talk with others. Thus, they always want to communicate with their friends, colleagues, and relatives. Because of electronic device, sometimes people do not want to go to their family and choose to stay at home. It makes inhabitants do not have good relationship because it is totally different between having a call and coming into someone's home. People do not feel that someone exist in their life and cannot touch or hug their family. For instance, when I was in university, I used to communicate by mobile phone rather than visit my family. As a result, the relationship between me and my relatives is decrease. That is why people need to go to their families's home.

However, electronic device has supported people to communicate in their life. People can contact their family who live so far away or even in different country in the world. Also, they can call someone whenever and wherever they want by modern media. It does not takes long time to get access with someone else as well. For example, Maradona can ask where is the position of Messi directly by phone. Thus, electronic device is very helpful to make relationship closer than before.

All in all, there are many bad effects instead of the advantages for people who use electronic media. In my opinion, I agree that electronic device give bad impact and people should make a limitation for using gadget and at least one time in a month come to visit their family.
mardian24   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The perspective of the people about a healthy lifestyle [4]

Hi Bada, Let me give some comments

1. In my opinion, you should give general statement in introduction instead of giving an example. You can explain more about your ideas, reason, and example to support your main idea in each paragraf.

2. It better for you to use present perfect or present perfect continuous in introduction because the action has already happened and the results could be seen today. Also, it will give you various tenses in your writing.

3. They do their jobs from in the morning until in the evening ...
It is preferable to use a preposition before time information

Thank you
Break a leg and keep writing
mardian24   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / People's were asked about communication ability which they needed and used in their job [2]

Writing Task 1 - Communication Skills Are Essential in your job? (Survey 1997 &2006)

The table below gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The table provides information about the percentage of people's answer that were asked about communication ability which they were needed in their job in 1997 and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that all of the percentage were rising while only selling a product or service was falling between 1997 and 2006. And the percentage of all correspondences was under seventy five percent.

In external communication, selling a product or service fell by 3 percent from 1997 to 2006 while the others went up. There was the highest increase in knowledge of particular products or services by 6 percent. The highest percentage was 65 percent in dealing with people aspects in 1997 where the lowest percentage was selling a product service at 21 percent in 2006.

In internal communication, all of the percentage were rising over 9-years period. The highest percentage was listening carefully to colleagues at 47 percent in 2006 and the lowest percentage was making speeches or presentations at 7 percent in 1997. There was the smallest changed between 1997 and 2006 by 1 percent in planning the activities of others.



  • Question
mardian24   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents and school as a place for children to get knowledge and friendly habits in society. [3]

Hi, I want to make some comments

1. Becoming parents are biggest responsibility for keep their children ...
You can use for + keeping or to + keep, to make good structure because it is going to be double verb

2. One of working by parents teach ...
maybe this is more suitable to make clear sentence
One of parent's job is to teach their children to become ...

3. ... school is one of place for children to get information ...
You should add 'for' between place and children to make a connection

Thank you
mardian24   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of Bulgarians who have different background education and want to stay abroad 2002 - 2008 [2]

The chart below gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

The bar chart provides information about Bulgarians who have different background education and want to stay abroad in 2002, 2006, and 2008. Overall, it can be seen that secondary education was the highest over a six-year period and in 2002 and 2006, higher education and lower education have almost the same number.

Secondary education always dominated than other educations in 2002, 2006, and 2008 and reached a peak at 65 percent in 2002. The lowest percent of secondary school was 59 percent, but it was still higher than other educations.

In 2008, higher education got the smallest at 9 percent. After that, between 2002 and 2006, both higher education and primary and lower education had a gradual increase. And in 2008, the number of primary and lower educations hit a high point at 32 percent and it was the highest level from primary and lower education. Besides that, 2008 saw the number of higher education decreased sharply at 9 percent.

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