The given chart revealsinquiry regarding a comparison in percentage of overseas student graduating from universities in the field Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.
Well, again a real bad word "INQUIRY" :( Although an inquiry refers to an act of asking for information, it is generally used for a close examination of a matter in a search for information or truth. The police makes inquiries to find the true culprit. But here, it is no such case and the word should have simply been "details"
You have to get rid of this habit of trying new words without knowing their real meaning. It is better to use simple words rather than having your sentences becoming meaningless.
The table reveals evidence regarding 100 workers, grouped by age, which is depended on factors affected work performance.
.... by using the word "evidence" your entire introduction loses its direction :( Do not experiment with words if you are not sure about their usage. Factors and evidence have very different meanings and if you do not get a proper word to replace what you see in the prompt, don't be afraid to use the same word, but present your sentence a bit differently.
Hi What do you think my IELTS score for Gt writing task 2? Thanks
Well, I don't think I am good at that :D However, you can assess yourself and I am giving the following link in hope that it would help you; ielts.org/PDF/UOBDs_WritingT2.pdf Also, I feel you need to worry more about improving your writing than the final score. You need to pay more attention to grammar and clarity of your sentences. For example;
The positive effects of tourism has big impact in one country because of economic growth.
....this is a pretty confusing sentence and grammar is not so great here; Tourism industry helps a country to boost its economy.
dumi: 1. Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention Can you give any examples for this essay? Please, write some sentences relevant to Hook
Ok, let's do a few hooks :) One would have to do a job in order to survive as well as to thrive (hook) There is a saying, "A good day is a pay day". (hook) I hope you now got the idea. You do not have to work too hard on it ,but start with something simple. If you have a difficulty with a hook, then start straight away with the background by para phrasing the prompt.
I requested you to follow some forum rules in your other thread and hope you'd pay attention to them when you open new thread. This one too I found in the Graduate forum which is not the appropriate forum (I moved it to Writing Feedback)
You need to improve a lot on your essay structure.
First, I wish to make a few admin requests from you - You should open new threads in the most appropriate forum and in this case it is the Writing Feedback forum. Also, you need to have a more meaningful title in the subject field (it does not mean that you should type the full prompt of the essay). Also include for which purpose you are writing the essay. For example, IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc. Then include the prompt in the essay so that others get a good understanding about what it asks from you. All these are not mere forum rules, but tips that help you earn more meaningful feedbacks for your writing. :)
Well, you need to do your essay and post it to the forum for us to provide you with feedbacks. Always mention the purpose of writing this essay (e,g, IELTS, TOELF) so that we can check the alignment between the prompt and your essay.
The map shows illustrates town planning for two potential locations (B and A) for atwo new shopping centers(A and B) and main transport routes in a town.
The main difference between the two positionslocations of A and B shopping centeres is that A is located inside the town centerB is outside the town , whereas B is outside the townA is in the town center . The positions can also be compared in terms of access by road or rail, and their sites relative to three other towns
Ok, you are preparing for taking up IELTS. It is better you include your full prompt in the essay so that we get a better understanding about what it requires from you :)
Transportation is an important element of today's contemporary world and it plays a huge role in shorteningsaving one'sthe time one takes totaken on travellingtravel to several places.
One of my most exhilarating leadership experiences has been thedischarging my duties as the president of the Art Troupe, which is the first association organized by students spontaneously to contract profermancesperformanceslike the school's anniversary party.... well, the latter part is not very clear. I think it is better you explain a little more about the objective of this association, ideally in a separate sentence.
Secondly, there is something which has transformed our life: this is Internet.
.... transformed life to what? You need to specify! Secondly, the Internet has been instrumental in transforming our lives into a more technologically advance platform.
I especially prefer more using especially Facebook, Gmail, Mailru and Odnoklassnikiru to another emails
The last but not the least, this is face-to-face conversation.
The third way of communication that I am interested in is the face to face communication.
Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activitie
.... you need to pay attention to grammar; boys or girls do watch / boys or girls watch / boy does watch/ boys do watch
Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities, while skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender.
Overall, the Australian children, both boys and girls, prefer to spend their leisure time watching television or video over other types of leisure activities. The girls take least interest in Skateboarding or rollerblading as a leisure activity while the body are least interested inArt and Craft.
There are two things you need to follow when opening a new thread. First, you should have a meaningful title in the Subject field (this one is attended by us). Second, you better mention the purpose of this writing in the title itself, e.g. TOEFL, IELTS, GRE etc. That help others to provide you with more task related comments.
Today is the age of technology; media has deep influence on the life of men
There is very little connection between these two sentences. This is your hook and therefore it needs better presentation.
There are two things you need to follow when opening a new thread. First, you should have a meaningful title in the Subject field (this one is attended by us). Second, you better mention the purpose of this writing in the title itself, e.g. TOEFL, IELTS, GRE etc. That help others to provide you with more task related comments.
It is the fact that successful sports professionals earn lots of more money than people in other important professions. I strongly favor to the fact.
I think it is better if your introduction is a bit more longer :)
Firstly, I learnedshe helped me learn how important it is to hold a positive attitude was importantin life. She believed being positive is the key to happiness. Which, which I thought it was true, and still believes it is true!Consequently, sheShe often pushed negative aside and looked up on positive aspectlooked forward more optimistically.
That'sThis is how I believe thatthe life should be lived.
I've grown up surrounded by Arts, my mother was a kindergarten teacher, so everyday I was in contact with colored papers, glitter, brushes and paint.
Being a daughter of a kindergarten teacher, I grew up surrounded by art works and accessories - colored papers, glitter, brushes, paint etc.
SheMy mother was the biggest influence to help me sort out what I wanted to do in my future, but I was not sure which path to take until I start my graduation. (this is a bit confusing? Were you in high school or what? )
To begin with, many celebrities earn extremely large amount of money, that is millions and millions of US dollars. This allows them to live a fullvery luxurious life .
This allows them to live a full life with a lot of pleasures and entertainments as well as possibility to purchase just everything that they can imagine, namely gorgeous mansions, luxury cars, and even planes or yachts.
This sentence is too long and has many redundant words. Try to express ideas more clearly in shorter sentences.
On the other hand, celebrities almost don't have a private life because many people and especially their fans want to know about them everything that is possible.
On the other hand, these celebrities do not enjoy much privacy due to their fame.
Hey, your image is too small for us to have a good look at it. I think it is better you upload it once again with a bigger version of the image.
With regard to your structure, I strongly suggest to follow what Pahan has suggested you. Have the parts - Introduction, Overview and Details in your response.
The three pie charts illustrate the figuredetails of annual expenditure of a particular british school in 1981,1991 and 2001.
Writing: 8.0 Thanks and Big hugs, for You and Pahan :)
... Hey, this is really awesome news :D You've got band 8.0 :) You deserve it and I had lots of confidence that you'd go for a good band. And as Pahan mentioned above, it's very nice of you to tell us your score :)
I don't know what to say. Pahan and Dumi, you are GREAT coaches.
Thanks for the compliments and indeed this is very encouraging and we are now more confident about our mentoring and coaching efforts :D You too can join us now in our efforts to help those who need help :)
by the way, i have a question in my mind. As I saw some IELTS takers uploading their writing task 1 here, so i am wondering, is there any way to upload my integrated writing? As it contains reading and listening part so i am little confused, how to upload the audio. however, I can make a transcript of that audio, but it's a tedious job; u know. :( it will be very helpful if you give me some suggestion in this regard... :)
Of course you can seek help for the Integrated task. You may upload the reading section using the Attach file(s). However, I wonder whether others would be able to read it clearly. Also, I don't think you can upload the audio tape. However, you can type your response in the message block and we would surely get some sense of contents of the audio. I think I would be able to help you with that task providing some insights on the structure and the style of writing it. :)
My grandfather wrote for a newspaper that stood for ????stand during one of Pakistan's worst times of rioting What did your grandfather write? Did he write poems in support of human rights?
My father would write love letters to my mother from overseas, and kept her waiting for him every time he left for work.
.... writing love letters to your mom, does not make your father a poet :( you need to talk about more convincing examples !
Almost everybody want to have good salaried job and they should, finance is a prime factor for which we work.
... the second part of your sentence is quite complicated :(
Handsome digit salary is required to pay our bills and secure our future. But monetary gain has not outweighed other emotional and personal benefits factors which are also required along with it.
i wrote that to restate my reason and to make a connection with the prompt and my position... however, after reading this again i found that redundant too.
Well, I think I have asked a wrong question :( I had not followed your prompt properly and really sorry about it. :( I just saw it is a part of the prompt.
Also, I want to ask you whether this is for a writing task or a speaking task. This is not likely a writing task prompt. However, if it is for a speaking task, then let me know and I can suggest you a good structure for that :)
Our World has varied cultures and each culture has its own language.
May be this is not so true. How about UK, USA and Australia? They now have their own cultures but share more or less the same language. So, you've got to be careful when you make generalizations. Well, I suggest the following lines for your hook;
Due to heavy globalization, the world has become closer and closer. Therefore having literacy on foreign languages can be very advantageous for people today.
Likewise, after travelers saw a bit decline, the number of travelers started to go on and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.
Although there had been a slight decline in 1991, a progressive growth can be observed in the trend of Japanese travelling abroad from the year 1991 to 1995, the year which recorded all time high figure of 15 million Japanese travelers.
You write very well and follow a very good structure for this task. :)
I quite agree :) Very neat and well organized essay. You are quite ready to take up this task. :)
Hi, First I have an admin request from you - You have opened this thread in the "Forum faq Help" forum which is not the appropriate one for this thread. It is a forum rule to select the most appropriate forum when you open a new thread. This is quite obviously a part of your Common App process and therefore this should have been opened in Undergraduate Forum (or Graduate Forum if you preparing for Masters or Phd) We moved it from the Forum faq to Undergraduate and please give some care to follow these rules in future.
Yes, I think it is always good to state your position in your intro. It helps you to take the reader in the direction that you desire. In this case I feel you wish to take a moderate stance and I think that's quite fine. But make a clear statement that it is the position you hold;
In many way both have their distinct importance.
.... instead you can say; In my view, I believe both of them have their distinct importance.
.... Add more spice to this sentence ;) First reason is that this custom is a very colorful event that brings so much brightness into our routine lives.
. At the time of the year, in February, trees have passed the harsh winter and spring just arrived. Therefore, most of the trees have new green leaves and flowers.
February is the time that spring just arrives. The trees would bear their new freshly green leaves.
As this is so colorful, therefore, i like to expand this culture to different people of different countries.
... I don't understand why you included this sentence here in this essay. For me, it does not look like a requirement.
By this (you better talk about how this program is going to help you with future goals.) Could please help me with some nice clues?
Well, I think you can talk about a bit more on your short term and long term goals more specifically. Then pick some features of this program that are well aligned with these goals. That may impress the admission officers - you know what you want to do in future and you have a good understanding about what you are going to study and such study will help you achieve those goals :)
A vast amountMany of people believe that the happiness of the majority is more important, while others claim that the rights of individuals should have priority
Firstly, there is a saying in our culture "Happiness is real, when it is shared".
A good quote :) .... However, I do not find much alignment between the ideas of your first body para and the topic. Sounds like you are going bit out of topic there. You need to discuss how happiness of the majority number of people is more important than protecting rights of each individual.
First, I have an admin request. You need to have a more meaningful topic in the Subject field when you open a new thread. It is a forum rule and this title was attended by us. Hope you start doing that with your next thread :D
Some traditional standards such as honor, credibility, and kindness are unlikely to be essential.
You should have spent a little more time and effort in describing this idea because it is the background of the issue and it is of core importance in your intro :)
It is clear that the largest percentage of crimes is committed by males aged 20. We can also see that prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women.
Adopt a more reporting tone. Avoid phrases like "it is clear that", "We can also see" Overall, the largest percentage of crimes is committed by males aged 20. while prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women. Overall, good writing. However, I like if you added one more para with details for this response :)