Letters / Letter of Motivation PhD (research-based, with pre-defined research topic) [2]

Seeing how the motivation for your studies stems more from related experiences after completing the masters course, the molrational letter need not go back all the way to the internship. rather, consider how the post masters experience lends itself to your pre-determined research topic. Save time and keep the reviewers attention on track by directing them immediately to "Capitalizing on my masters thesis..." Just remember to give an overview of your masters studies before discussing your continued research interests. Use the word "targets" rather than "goals" to show an unwavering and unchanging molvation. Goals can change during the course of study but targets remain the same. The motivation for the choice of course and university in relation to your research interests or motivations should be mentioned. Base these on the availability of research support for your pre-selected topic.

Writing Feedback / Living on their own or living at home during school days. [2]

Good work on the prompt restatement. It is a well integrated sentence presentation that shows control over sentence structuring. The writer's opinion sentence is also well represented but would have been stronger with the inclusion of a supporting reason sentence.

The problem comes in the development of the reasoning paragraphs. Rather than providing a properly referenced 3rd person group pronoun explanation of each side, the writer uses a general personal point of view instead. The correct format would have been to first depict a reason and explanation for a public opinion, using the correct pronouns as previously mentioned, then having the writer agree or disagree, with a valid personal insight, within the last few sentences of the same paragraph. This is a comparative essay /written debate after all.

Aside from the response format error, it is pleasing to see that the writer understood the topic and presented valid discussion points. This would have been a passing response had the correct format been used.

Writing Feedback / Benefits of learning English [3]

The paragraph is acceptable as an English learners writing exercise. The message of the essay regarding the importance and benefits of knowing how to use the English language is clearly referenced, even though there are grammatical errors here and there. However, there are a few arguable points in the presentation. One of the arguements will be that certain countries refuse to learn English and do not use it as a medium of education in their countries.

Going to grammar specifics, the writer should learn more about the use of plural past indicatives. There are instances in this presentation where present indicative plurals should be used but the former was used instead. Proof reading should also be practiced so that obvious errors like the missing period at the end of this paragraph can be avoided.

Letters / Master Environment and Energy Management Motivation letter [2]

I would have to say that the writer over-developed the content of the letter to the point where it crossed into the statement of purpose category. By including his detailed academic background and thesis / research plans, he has altered the reference points of the letter. I am making this assumption without knowing if these are required elements of the letter. There were no writing specifics included in the post. In the absence of these guidelines, basic motivation letter requirements will apply.

The first and last paragraphs may be used without changes. Only half the second paragraph can be used. Remove the study plan and possible thesis topic discussion to keep the presentation aligned with a motivational statement.

The motivation is strong and qualified for the course. However, the information should also include an explanation as to why the student is motivated to study abroad and in that university. These do not appear as a part of the motivational considerations when it should be highlighted in a stand-alone paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The differences in ownership of technology devices and the number of hours spent doing households [2]

The writer should be able to create a shorter report for these 2 images. Due to the 20 minute writing allowance, the presentation should be less than 200 words, but more than 150 words. Information presented in the essay should also be done within a uniform 3-5 sentence paragraph. No presentation should be comprised of only 2 sentences. These long sentences will affect the GRA score due to the confusing sentence content. Information must be clearly segregated within the paragraph to avoid cohesiveness and coherence errors. These are some of the reasons why the writer should focus on the proper sentence structure presentation comprising simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs.

The summary overview needs to clearly identify the number of images and what sort of graph is involved in the report. This to help the reader create a an imagined but visual representation of the report. An effective report will be represented by an easily visualized data explanation. The result will be a better C+C score.

The writer has used the word "static" incorrectly in this presentation. It does not have the same meaning as the term "statistical". The error in word usage will negatively affect both the LR and GRA scores.

Writing Feedback / Causes of crime and activities to prevent this rise in criminal activity. Reasons with examples. [2]

We are in the 21st century, not the 20th century. To avoid such mistakes, do not try to make any time frame references in your presentation. Such errors show a problem with your current events knowledge. You do not even know what century you are currently living in. The prompt clearly asks you provide reasoning topic responses to create your personal opinion statement. The prompt restatement + personal opinion does not meet the discussion requirements. It will receive a failing preliminary score based on the incorrect restatement and lack of writer opinion in relation to the questions being asked.

The reasoning paragraph in relation to the causes comes across as well developed when considering the first reason. However, the second reason does not create a connection with the first reason through a proper transition phrase or sentence. The second reason is grammatically incorrect and not developed enough as an explanation to create a cohesive paragraph presentation. By the way, if you do not say "firstly", you cannot suddenly say "secondly" in the next sentence. When you say "first", the next numerical ordinal is "second".

The solutions paragraph does not develop cohesive and coherent explanations. It lacks a logical explanation and often has unrelated references, creating incoherent and non-cohesive presentations. The lack of proper sentence structure in this paragraph is more evident that in the other, earlier paragraphs as well.

Due to to the lack of a proper concluding summary, the examiner will have no choice but to give this essay a failing score. It cannot get a passing score within any of the individual scoring sections. This is a sad result because you show that you understood the topic and the discussion requirements but your lack of English language thinking and writing skills proved to be the weakest part of this presentation.

Scholarship / Serving humanity / Social work - Why did you choose proposed course and institutions? AAS [2]

The writer has provided a personal statement that is informative but not fully applicable to the information expectations of the reviewers. These shared insights are only useful when properly integrated into the motivating factors for choosing each course and university. By providing data on how these influenced the course and university choices for each, the response considerations begin to apply to the reviewers needs.

The applicant cannot merely bullet point the universities and course choices then use a general statement in response. The reviewers are looking for applicants who show a clear understanding of what makes each course and university special. How each separately applies to learning intentions. A serious consideration process must be present for each. These elements are not present in the current general statement.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 The graph shows the value in US dollars (in millions of dollars) of investment [2]

The summary overview is best presented over 2 sentences or more. The sentences must separately indicate the following data:

- Image type + topic
- Measurement method + time period (with beginning and end date)
- Measurement basis (type of people/items/services )

The sentences must contain separate representations to help meet accuracy, cohesiveness, coherence, and grammar preliminary scoring needs. Run-on sentences such as the one above tend to receive less scores due to the confusing information sharing format. Sentences need one target subject only in the summary aspect.

The writer is mentioning the results of a survey but made no mention of such a basis early on. The writer confused the graph with a survey most likely because a survey measurement is commonly presented in graph mode. However, not all graphs represent surveys. The measurement basis should be clear in the summary.

Avoid inferring anything as there is no assurance that animage is provided to the reader. It is best to never ask the reader, even in implied forum, to consult an image. Creating an imaginative report works best in these essays.

The tone of the report is proper. I can assume that the target audience are economists who will be informed, albeit in a simpler manner than they are used to. It is professional and academic in presentation even as some English grammar exists, these do not pose severe reader understanding problems within the presentation.

Scholarship / Melbourne University Master of Education; Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [3]

What is your academic goal beyond these experience targets? There is no real learning objective on your part. These vague references tell the reviewers the reason you chose the courses but fall short of an academic explanation in relation to professional needs. Though the discussion is acceptable for the first course, more relevant development can be applied.

It appears that the discussion focus is on the first choice course and university. This is not a balanced consideration when it comes to the 2nd choice university. It is almost as if you have not really considered the 2nd line opportunities. Try to give just as much importance to that discussion to prove a true desire to academically improve as a scholar in Australia, regardless of which university may be chosen for you.

Writing Feedback / Increasingly large numbers of students are undertaking their higher education in other countries. [2]

Do not keep writing just for the sake of writing more words in the essay. Make sure that you can write a grammatically proficient essay, properly written and with fully developed ideas / explanations/ examples, all within 40 minutes. The task 2 essay is not just a vocabulary rest, which you seem to portray it as in this piece. It is a test of how quickly and accurately you can convey your English thoughts. The idea is to present sentences and paragraphs that are short but effective in the manner of presentation. The focus is on grammar perfection rather than just vocabulary and word count.

The essay itself does poorly when considering grammar in relation to sentence structure, thought clarity, and punctuation usage. The writer only uses the period, comma, or ellipses in his writing. This is evidence of limited sentence structure knowledge in relation to punctuation usage. These are the additional areas where the score of the essay can prevent a passing score.

Letters / You have received an email from the manager of Science club [2]

The sentence structure and word usage in this letter is so bad, the letter loses all its meaning and relevance. It is difficult to point out the specific problem points of this presentation due to the extremely poor writing skill of the exam taker. A letter like this should be able to provide the reader with the content of the instructions that were originally provided, even if the ouginal instructions are not presented. This letter is an epic fail when one considers the requirements for this task. It will geta failing score in each rubic section. The writer has not progressed beyond the beginner level of his ESL lessons. Based on this writing sample, I can safely say the student is not prepared to take the test. notyet. He still needs to work on developing his vocabulary, building his grammar skills, and sentence structure development.

Writing Feedback / Many people complain about teenagers' lack of moral and self-discipline. Write causes and solution. [2]

The last part of the restatement paragraph is called the opinion statement for a reason. The writer is expected to use 2 sentences to complete either of the following task requirements:

- Express a personal opinion + his personal supporting reason

or

- Clearly respond to the task questions with direct topic statements that will help establish the writer's opinion regarding the given topic.

It is the second option that is required of the task paragraph. A restatement of the questions shall not recieve scores as these do not depict an opinion as required. Only the restatement shall recieve a score. The paragraph will not receive full scoring merits as presented at this time.

The first reasoning paragraph has an under developed 2nd reason that will reduce the C+C score. The more completely developed explanation is the first reason. Had only that reason been used for the paragraph, full scoring points would have been awarded.

Since the 2 paragraphs deal with different topics / discussion subjects, the writer has misused the comparative references " On the one hand" , and " On the other hand". These may only be used in a continuing discussion pattern. The subject of the paragraphs cannot change from causes to solutions. A more appropriate transition or connecting phrase that could have been used would have been:

Based on this cause, a possible solution that can be considered is ...

The writer provides good solutions in the related paragraph. However, he has neglected to indicate who he expects to implement the solutions described. This has created confusion for the reader and will lower his GRA score.

The writer understood the discussion requirements and tried to provide appropriate discussion points. Although the essay has errors, he shows the potential to pass the test in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Some universities offer online courses. Is this positive or negative? [2]

The writer responded to the discussion question in the concluding paragraph. That was the only part of the essay that adhered to the discussion requirement. His overall restatement, response, and discussion pattern are all incorrect. These presentations in the early part do not meet the task and opinion discussion requirements.

The writer must understand that his failing score comes from the way that he used 3 different o discussion formats, none of which correspond to the original discussion pattern/format. It will be in his best interest to familiarize himself with the various task 2 formats before he continues with his practice essays.

Long explanations and extreme wordcount will be useless when the examiner can clearly see that the exam taker did not understand the discussion requirement.

Writing Feedback / Does a country benefit from a large proportion of young university students? [2]

Do not provide your personal opinion in the opening statement. Always integrate that into your personal opinion as the reason for your belief. The first 2 sentences of the first paragraph should only restate the original prompt in 1-2 sentences, 3 at the most. Opening with your personal statement creates a prompt deviation as this does not present an original presentation position. There is no evidence in the original prompt to support this statement. It will cause a deduction for the paragraph. The lack of clear opinion in the last paragraph, due to the missing supporting topics, will also result in an unclear opinion presentation and receive deductions as well. These will definitely lower the starting score that could prevent the writer from achieving a passing score later on.

The writer fails to compare the public opinion with his personal point of view. The total essay is written only from the writer's perspective instead of a public and personal point of view. Therefore, the writer has used an incorrect response format in his response. The use of third person pronouns, along with a first person pronoun needs to be seen in these paragraphs to highlight the discussion opinion of the public as compared to the author's opinion.

A concluding summary must present the salient discussion points in recap. It should not be a continuing discussion of the topic. The latter is the error that the writer made in this presentation and will be one of the causes for the failing score of the essay.

The writer closes the essay by saying:


A clear prompt deviation that, due to this not being required in the original discussion instruction, indicates that the writer does not understand the actual line of discussion for the topic provided. This will be one of the major reasons for the failing score, regardless of word count. When an essay does not follow the discussion path as required, it cannot receive a passing score.

Scholarship / Either We Choose to Overcome It or Give Up [2]

Whatever opinion I have of you as a student is irrelevant as it may not be the same as what the reviewers may think of your written characterization. It would be unfair of me to offer false hopes or a wrong opinion of who you are as a student. That should be left up to the actual reviewer. If you are not confident in the manner by which you have portrayed yourself, revise the essay until you have gained that confidence without the need of other opinions. Nobody can second guess the reviewers when it comes to their impression of you based on the response essay.

The essay itself is disconnected as it changes from time management to how the student dealt with pandemic classes. The word "or" indicates a topic option. Pick one. Discuss only time management orthe pandemic. You cannot discuss both. Personally, I would discuss time management to help my essay stand out. 99% of the applicants will opt for the pandemic topic, making it a tiresome read for the reviewers. Your response will not be memorable as it will bea commonly chosen topic among the applicants.

Writing Feedback / International exchange visits will benefit teenagers. Advantages outweigh the disadvantages? [2]

The writer has not taken his time allotment and editing considerations into account while writing this essay. The essay requires no more than 300 words as it is only a short opinion essay and not an academic research paper. He has also presented a confusing response placement that has affected the clarity of the required writing format. Either it is an extent essay or itis an A V. D comparative essay. A true task 2 essay will never combine 2 writing styles in one presentation. The writer will lose points in the TA and GRA section because of this illogical discussion presentation.

The length of the essay has proven to be the main failing point of this presentation. While he did write a very wordy essay, it comes with grammar and sentence structure failures. Both of which will result in LR penalties and additional GRA deductions. These are the reasons that will contribute to a failing final score. There are other presentation deductions such as the lack of a concluding summary and offering solution where none are required which will further contribute to the scoring problems, but it is suffice to say the current observations will lead toa failing score.

Letters / Letter of recommendation for Berea College [2]

The recommendation letter is highly individualistic in focus. It speaks only of the solitary nature of the student. This will prove tobe a problem when the reviewers consider his ability to perform in a community setting such as a college campus. The revision requires several information elements:

- Extended background of the referee and his relationship to the student. Referee contact details
- His observations re the applicants leadership skills
- Abilities of the student to function in a team setting (as a leader and member)
- Highlights of the applicants social morals and character

These information are necessary in an effective recommendation letter. The above information can be compressed into one paragraph instead.

Writing Feedback / Compulsory study. Young people should be forced to stay in full-time education until they are 18. [3]

Is it not necessary to use an emotional and measured response in this discussion. The discussion does not call for it specifically. It only asks for a simple response statement. While the writer will still be scored for his response, the emotional presentation where not required will not add to the scoring potential of the statement. What would have added to the score, was the reasoning sentence that would have given a simple explanation of the writer's opinion. This reason would increase the score due to the clear reasoning requirement for his opinion. It is a scoring consideration.

The writer has written convincing reasoning paragraphs. He has created discussion points that prove his opinion to be true. These will result in the C+C section being highly scored. However, there are spelling and grammar errors that will result in deduction points in these specific areas. The writer should have focused less on the length of the essay and more on the perfection of the presentation.

Less errors are made when paragraphs are shortened. Errors can be corrected if the writing time is not solely devoted to writing as well. He should leave at least 5 minutes for proof reading and correcting his work. The idea is to limit the number of deductions in the presentation to preserve the overall score.

Writing Feedback / Only governments and large institution can create new development for the society, not individuals. [2]

The writer has not responded to the question in the expected format. Although he did an excellent job in the prompt restatement section, his inability to provide an opinion that represents the measured response format was the problem with his personal opinion presentation. This error in presentation will result in a deduction in relation to the prompt format requirement. So the score for the essay will be median in consideration. Good prompt restatement, bad opinion presentation. He presented a strong thesis statement at the end, but neglected to represent the degree of his opinion prior to the reasoning foundation statement.

The reasoning presentation is sound and clearly shows that the writer gave a great deal of thought to his discussion presentation. However, his paragraphs are over discussed. These long discussion points forced grammar errors in the presentation that often affected the sentence structure and clarity of the idea being presented. He has to learn to shorten his sentences / paragraphs. He must also avoid using rhetorical questions in his presentation as it tends to change the discussion focus. Opinion statements must be factual and analytical, never rhetorical.

When using examples, try to not change the reference midstream. The whole discussion is based on Covid 19 response. However, the example shifted the attention to electricification. This sudden change will confuse the reader and affect the C+C score of the presentation negatively.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about patriotism. [2]

It is important that no additional information that represents the writer's opinion integrates itself into the prompt restatement. The prompt restatement should only be 2 sentences long, representing the original 2 opinions. The wording regarding the importance of patriotism as a must have character should be part of the writer's opinion, representing the thesis statement of his point of view. For a stronger scoring opinion statement, the writer should present it as follows:

...I radically agree with the latter statement BECAUSE patriotism is regarded as a must-have characteristic for mankind in any era.

The writer's opinion becomes clearer and with a stronger foundation due to the reasoning paragraph that is attached to the presentation. The reason for the opinion creates a simple understanding of what the succeeding paragraphs will be discussing. This summarized opinion statement increases the TA score each time.

I need to point out though that the use of the exaggerated response "radically" agree is not necessary in this case. Not being an extent essay, there is no need for the writer to get too emotional or quantify his opinion. A simple statement will suffice were an extent is not indicated for the response.

In order to avoid a wrong response format, the writer needs to get used to writing in a debate style. That means, he does not present a positive paragraph then a negative paragraph. Rather, he disproves the opposing opinion so that his opinion appears to be the correct one. Look for faults in the opinion that is not supported and present those to the reader. That is how the essay can convince the reader that his opinion is correct. It will also be following the appropriate single opinion format presentation. As of now, the writer is not presenting his opinion in the correct manner.

Graduate / Personal Statement - Applied Computer Science at University of Gottingen (300 word limit) [2]

The reference to "an early age" could mean anytime from birth to puberty. It is a misleading term that should be avoided in any type of application essay presentation. It will be best if you rephrase that statement for clarity. Bear in mind that the age or time at which your interest in the field began to develop is irrelevant when applying for a masters degree. However, the personal interest in the development of your skills are considered greatly. Your pursuit of skills development will play an important role when they consider your actual preparednedd, developed skills, and potential ability to complete the degree. Go for the professional era of your development. You need not go back to the foundation with regards to your background. It is assumed that you have at least a 2 year work experience backing you up and, it is that experience that should be presented in the personal statement. Focus on the Dexter Sol years instead.

Further expand the personal reasons for your university choice and country of study. These are heavily considered by the review committee and they do not appreciate only a few sentences of general explanations regarding these topics. The explanation must have one paragraph each for it to be thoroughly considered by the reviewers. The reference here is too ignorable to be given serious consideration in the assessment round. They are looking for students who show a keen interest in the course, a personal understanding of the university offerings for the course, and a reason beyond tourism for the country choice.

Scholarship / Indonesian-Chinese misunderstandings. AAS: Solving a challenge and implementing change or reform [3]

This is not a response that accomplishes a notable response to the question. None of the leadership skills or teamwork discussion requirements were addressed. Perhaps it is because of the simplicity of the problem, that the requirements were not met. Language issues, as presented here, do not represent a serious problem in the workplace. I did not really get the impression that you were a true problem solver at the workplace.

When drafting the revision, consider a more impressive and course related scenario. One that addresses leadership and teamwork in a manner that shows a preparedness for working within a diverse setting.

You need to excite the reader. Establish a strong and formidable leadership character in the presentation. Embody the prompt specifics whenever you can.

Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates the amount of meat and poultry that US residents consumed [2]

The topic summary is incomplete as it does not refer to the measurements provided being indicative of per capita consumption and type of meat consumed. The shortform is therefore inaccurate in terms of highlightable data presentation..

The word "and" being a conjunction can never be used to start a sentence as there are no clauses or phrases to connect in the sentence. Having used it in the trending paragraph shows a lack of sentence structure knowledge and will contribute to GRA deductions.

Paragraph presentations must have an almost uniform 3-5 sentence presentation to meet maximum C + C scoring considerations. 2 sentences never comprise an academic paragraph or professional reporting presentation as it shows a lack of or limited information analysis in relation to the data.

The writer has an idea of how the task should be presented but has a problem meeting grammar and sentence structure rules.

Scholarship / Sharing knowledge - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution [2]

Go directly to the point when responding to the prompt. Why did you choose your proposed course?

I chose it to improve my curriculum vitae and more importantly, enhance my soft skills in Math...

Then use the next 2 paragraphs to illustrate the response to each reason you provided. That creates a summary of your response reasons and will help the reviewer decide if your application is worth a look or not. The rest of the essay is just part of the expanded written interview. That will be used as the basis of deciding if you meet their applicant requirements or not based on the course choice. So make the course choice connection with your reasons for choosing it highly connected.

Language study, specially of the English language is not an acceptable reason for wanting, wishing, or being determined to study abroad. That is a reason that is disregarded by the reviewers. Remove that reference. Focus on theoretical and practical skills building instead, within the offerings of the university and the course you have chosen.

There are certain aspects of redundancy of the essay that need to be removed so that the response will continously offer new and interesting explanations regarding the course and university choices. Remove these redundancies as well. It is easy to spot these within the essay.

Writing Feedback / The amount of goods transported in the United Kingdom over the course of 28 years [3]

Avoid writing an extremely long, multiple idea, single sentence summary. Doing so will cause confusion for your reader as too much information in a single presentation makes it extremely difficult to understand and keep track of. This particular summary overview required 3 individual sentences. That means 1 sentence per piece of information. 1 data presentation per sentence is the age old norm for basic English writing skills. The current recap format will receive a failing score in 2 sections: C + C and GRA.

Do not ask the reader to look at the graph. They should not need to do that since your report should accurately, through the use of academic and descriptive words, explain the image information. The understanding is that there is no image reference on the part of the reader. That reference is point reducing in terms of accuracy considerations.

Letters / Motivation letter - Master of Science in Spatial data science - Munster, Germany [2]

The 2000 word maximum need not be used if the writer tends to over-extend his motivational letter with non-motivational content. The idea is to present your most compelling reasons for higher studies. It is not an academic and professional biography. That said, this essay can use heavy content editing to create a series of strong motivating factors. It does not need to be this long and include irrelevant reasons.

Keep the opening paragraph and revise paragraphs 3,4,5. Beef up the reasons for studying in Germany and Munster University. It is boring and will leave the reviewer disinterested. There are no compelling reasons for these choices at the moment. Delete the researched and tourist based reasons.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, some people presume that sports have a big impact on the progression of society [3]

There is a misconception that the discussion instructions need to be restated in the first paragraph.This is totally incorrect as the standard format for the paragraph is as follows:

Prompt restatement + writer's opinion

Nowhere in the paragraph format does the instruction state the need to repeat the writing instructions. The writer merely needs to state his point of view after rephrasing the 2 public views. These 3 sentences will be the basis of the TA score which considers the writers opinion for scoring. It does not consider a repeat of the instructions as it is not a formatting nor scoring requirement. No additional points will be awarded in this case.

The writer has not clearly separated and developed the 2 public opinions. The first reasoning paragraph lacks proper discussion development. A compressed discussion was presented for both ideas without the proper use of transition tools. The overall presentation is problematic in this case and may suffer a failing score because of it. The author will do well to learn how to write using the more appropriate style of:

Public opinion > Why it is supported > Personal opinion (in favor/not in favor ) > Reason > Example > Transition to next paragraph

The discussions can be clearly accomplished within 2 reasoning paragraphs using this format.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010. [2]

The writer wrote only 146 out of the required minimum of 150 words. There will be percentage deductions for the missing word count. Always remember to keep track of the word count when drafting the essay. Each paragraph must have a minimum 3, but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph. The writer will also need to develop 3 clear reporting paragraphs for the essay. Meeting these 2 requirements will guarantee that the 150 count will be met at a minimum or a little more than minimum level.A task 1 essay can never have only 2 paragraphs. These must count 3 paragraphs for single image presentation, and 4 paragraphs whenever 2 images must be compared. These are the reasons why the essay does not meet the minimum requirements for a passing score.

There is no clear summary overview and trending statement. It appears that the writer ommitted these from the presentation in favor of direct reporting paragraphs. What the writer thought was a summary and trending presentation was actually fulfilling the reporting requirements already. So it cannot be considered a summary even though he tried to word it as such. Without the summary overview and trending statement, the essay will be deemed under developed and following an incorrect writing format.

Letters / Teaching and National Prizes in Computer Science - Letter of recommendation for GKS-U [3]

Swap the focus from English student to IT student and you have the same letter, with the same opening paragraph as the first letter. The same emotional plea due to the poverty of the student is also contained in this version. Regardless of the small differences in student accomplishment references, it is still the same template being used.

Reviewers will compare the letters, definitely see the similarities in writing along with the same referencing style and come to the same conclusion, only 1 person, the student wrote both recommendation letters. The decision of the admissions committee? Disqualify the student from scholarship contention due to dishonesty and document falsification. The teachers never wrote the letters and their signatures on the letters will be deemed falsified by the committee regardless of the letterhead used. The student will be given a hard block and will never be qualified to apply for this scholarship going forward.

Hire a professional to write the letters for you and your teachers who, it seems, cannot be bothered to write one for you. Only a professional writer can change his writing style to make it appear that 2 different people wrote the letter for you. You do not have the training nor the qualifications to do such a thing. Do not use these letters are recommendation letters. There is a high possiblity that you will be discovered as trying to cheat the application system.

Though the U/N of this student has changed on the forum, resulting in multiple profiles that has already been reported to the moderators for account suspension and banning, his writing style did not change. The fact that his name was mentioned in both letters makes matters worse for his membership at this forum. It proves that the user just changed his profile name. This may be the last advice he will receive here due to upcoming actions from the admin side.It may result in a hard ban for the student.

Warning to students: Do not create multiple profiles, it is not worth being banned for.

Writing Feedback / Fewer young people do farming work in rural areas Why? [2]

An accurate prompt topic restatement will not include the writer's opinion as to whether or not the proposed topic is true or false. It should merely reword the original presentation without additional information that has no basis in the original presentation. This is the first score reduction that will be applied to the prompt restatement section. As for the writer's personal opinion + thesis statement, The writer only responded directly to one of 2 questions, making the response sentence incomplete in representation. Only a partial score may be applied to the response due to the lack of first question response. The writer must directly respond to the questions provided by indicating his clear opinion and why, 2 response criterias that are provided with scoring considerations.

The writer shows an understanding of the first question and responds quite well to it. His ideas are clear although the sentence structure is faulty (throughout the essay). He has a problem with his singular v. plural references and has capitalized a word that is not classified as a noun. These are GRA problems that will result in a failing to low passing GRA assessment.

A redundancy can be seen in the writing of the exam taker.


and


are highly similar in presentation, a problem that could affect the LR score negatively for this test.

In the concluding statement, the writer changes from a sense of conviction for his opinion to uncertainty. This contradicts his previous establishing opinion statement and will affect the TA score of the essay in a reducing manner.

Writing Feedback / Many people suggest that instead of celebrities the media should focus on the public interest [4]

The first sentence of the opening paragraph is a fragment, showing a clear problem with sentence structure and development. There will be immediate deductions for this error in presentation. The next half of the paragraph, in relation to proper task response is also deductible from the score as it does not follow the required measured response presentation. Both errors can quite possibly cause an overall failing score for the exam taker as these serious grade subtractions occur at the start of the preliminary scoring process.

The writer has failed to prove the validity of his opinion due to his lack of proper supporting discussion topics. The second reasoning paragraph is irrelevant to his previously stated position. That paragraph will not be scored. What he should have done was create a second supporting paragraph instead.

Unfortunately, the presentation has too many response format errors to receive a passing score.

Graduate / SoP MSc Finance & Private Equity core module at the London School of Economics and Political Science [3]

I found myself losing interest in your statement of purpose by the third paragraph. It is too verbose to the point of boring the reader. i realize that you have a true interest in PE and a desire to become an expert in the field. the problem is not your purpose, but the way that you present the build up of your qualifications.

Truth be told, the overall read could have been accomplished in a far more interesting 4 paragraph format. Over extending the discussions just to make sure that you cover all the bases in the presentation is not always a good thing. The reviewers need applicants to present scannable statements, regardless of its type.

Rather than going into story telling mode, you should instead, be using job-interview mode. Be quick, be concise. Do not overdiscuss things. Keep the paragraphs short. Long paragraphs that tell too many back stories rather than future projections will not hold the interest of the reviewer.

Keep the family out of the discussion. It is the professional consideration, experience, and continuing education evidence that matters the most when the committee considers your qualifications. The family influence will play an integral part in the personal statement, it has no place in the statement of purpose.

Scholarship / International Sustainable Tourism Management ESSAY FOR AAS - WHY THIS COURSE AND INSTITUTION? [2]

The reviewer is not Vietnamese so you will need to spell out what QBB means and what it stands for before you go into an in-depth explanation of how you chose a course and why you chose the institution. Simplify it. Do not focus solely on QBB. Focus on how QBB influenced your choice of course, something that you failed to do with clarity in this essay. Remember that each masters course you have chosen for each university needs to be relevant to your career considerations. That means, the essay should cover an explanation that highlights the relationship of the courses to not only the QBB considerations, but also your academic goals as these relate to heightened career profile. The paper should not focus 80% of its presentation defining QBB and its needs. QBB does not represent who you are and what you believe they need in terms of professional leaders.

There is a need to delete this essay and write a totally new one. Version 2 should balance the masters courses that have been chosen, along with the university qualifications that helped you make the decision, with the QBB needs and your clear career positions, as these relate to the courses you have chosen. There is no such thing as an equivalent course. Though the courses may be the name by name, the projected academic learning and eventual career paths will vary based on the course focus. You cannot state that you chose both universities for the same reasons. That means you do not really understand the programs you are applying to. Something that the reviewer will take into consideration when deliberation time comes.

Writing Feedback / Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people [2]

The prompt restatement is fine. The opinion statement is non-existent as there are no responses to the 2 direct questions provided. The writer merely restated the discussion questions in this section which is not the same as providing the direct response to each question. The writer's opinion in this case, should be replaced by a 2 sentence thesis statement that outlines the upcoming discussion. The first paragraph provides incomplete discussion representations and will not receive full scoring merit for the presentation due to lack of formatting compliance.

Both discussion aspects do not have fully developed explanations since there are 2 reasons provided without any proper transition or connecting comments. These tend to create disconnected paragraphs, resulting in under developed or little represented discussion points. Again, full scores cannot be provided for the paragraphs due to lack of explanation development.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose [2]

It will be better for the exam taker to avoid using memorized and exaggerated phrases such as "In this time and age". There is no reason for this statement to be present in the paragraph because it does not have any bearing on the actual topic. Connecting this phrase with the original statement was certainly an ineffective stretch on the part of the writer.

Now, while the writer does provide a pretty much accurate restatement of the original topics, the missing personal opinion left the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph incomplete in terms of response format. The writer should make sure that he accomplishes all the task requirements for the first paragraph at all times.

The writer has provided good discussion paragraphs. The problem, is that the writer forgot to write up a proper concluding summary for the essay, thus forcing a failing score due to the lack of a closing statement. The essay was good, but incorrectly formatted. A personal opinion is not acceptable as a concluding presentation.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, a lot of offices have open-space designs instead of separate rooms [2]

The writer shows a high level of academic writing through his use of college level words and sentence representations. These will prove to be beneficial to his scores in relation to LR and C+C structures. The examiner will acknowledge the higher writing level of this exam taker accordingly by reflecting it in relevant scoring segments.

However, it will be better if the writer avoids making statements of fact in these essays. As these essays generally represent a common public opinion, it is more advisable to use a general statement reference unless instructed to "discuss both views and give your opinion". It is only this latter instruction that receives better scoring consideration when aimed at providing a truthful opinion of a public statement.

The writer should also provide a better reverse paraphrase in the concluding summary. At less than 40 words and lacking in the 2 sentence requirement, the score that the current conclusion provides will not help increase the overall score.

Writing Feedback / Essay topic: Making films and the advancement of digital technology [2]

Restate the prompt topic accurately without providing any opinion. The topic restatement loses accuracy when the writer claims "accuracy" at this point. It changes the basis of the discussion from a restatement to an opinion sentence in the wrong part of the paragraph. This will result in point deductions as the topic focus has changed from a public opinion to a personal insight of the writer. The personal insight can only be shared in the thesis statement or discussion paragraphs, not before then.

The writer has used a comparative discussion which does not suit the required discussion format. Where "Discuss both views" or "compare and contrast both views" is not given as a part of the discussion requirement, the writer is expected to provide 2 supporting reasons for his opinion within 2 reasoning paragraphs. He is not allowed to do a comparative presentation as this will result in the non-supporting opinion weakening the clarity of the writer's opinion. This could very well result in the opposing opinion not receiving any marks and, the essay being perceived as under developed and therefore, not suited to receive a passing score.

Letters / Application for the Master of Education program in Canada - plan of study essay [2]

11 paragraphs proves to be too long for a study plan explanation. The winter takes several paragraphs before it gets to the point. The visa officer does not have the time to read the full letter. This must be a scannable Ietter whose plan is found completely within the first 2 paragraphs. Shorten the backstory. It takes up too much of the first part of the letter.

Try to reorganize the information being presented. Bring the necessary information up. Then integrate mentions of the backstory to emphasize your need or reasons for masters study abroad. keep it as brief but as informative as possible. Do your best to be convincing within the first 2 or 3 paragraphs. Do not go beyond 5 paragraphs, 6 at the most.

Undergraduate / Kiribati' Health in the Future. [2]

I am not sure if the writer is working on a personal statement, letter of intent, or motivational letter. It will be difficult to give a targeted review due to this uncertainty. Regardless of the type, I will still be able to provide a general review of the work.

What I can be sure of is that the presentation is shallow and devoid of any real considerations. The information this contains should be considered a directional discussion draft and nothing more. As a discussion outline, this contains excellent guide points for discussion.

Based on these points, the writer should produce convincing reasons for wishing to study in Australia.Due to the connected nature of the academic institutions, the desire to study abroad should come across for more strongly and convincingly than this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Learning culture in 21st century [2]

There is no reference to the 21st century in the original topic. A strong recommendation does not exist as a prior reason either. Both prompt resetatement references are irrelevant and cannot be considered a part of the rewording since these particular information are not indicated in the original presentation. The writer has also provided an incorrect response format as a measured response was used, indicative of a "to what extent" discussion, rather than the definite discussion opinions as referenced in the question. The opening paraphrase + personal opinion will receive a failing preliminary score that will be added to the overall score.

The comparative discussion format that the writer chose to use in the reasoning paragraphs is irrelevant as that type of format does not respond to the question provided. The overall approach to the writing cannot be accepted by the examiner, who is looking for the proper response format in the presentation.

The writer was again in error in the summary conclusion when a repeat of the extent statement was used as the foundation for the paragraph. The overall score cannot be a passing one due to response and formatting errors found throughout the presentation.