Writing Feedback / Children's bad habits, for example they always eat some dirty, unhealthy foods [7]

Many childrean these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Writing Task 2 Unit 2C (Page 25)
Nowadays, many kids have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people argue that schools and parents have a main role to be more responsible about this situation. However, in my opinion, another party has also an important role for building behavioral of healthy lifestyle in children.

One possible reason which causes young people have a bad habit about their lifestyle is they always eat some dirty foods from local authorities or food productions. The reason is because the children are more attract with the packaging of the food and the taste is more favourable. In addition, the price is affordable to be reached for most children. For instance, although the students have bring their own meal from home, they still kept buying and eating these foods because it takes more their attention. In result, it can cause some diseases to children, such as stomachache or cough. In fact, the children should change the way of their lifestyle to become more healthier.

On one hand, to help children solve this problem not only from schools or parents which have big responsbility, but also the food factories should take a part to reduce the damage. It because children cannot stop eating snacks or unhealthy foods, so food productions have to create an inovation. For example, they can produce healthy snacks which contain high nutrition, such as vegetable oil or fruit exctract. So children can keep getting more benefit through these foods. Besides, they can help to encourage the kids eat healthier foods.

In conclusion, the reason of unhealthy lifestyle in children is mainly caused by the packaging of the food products which provide the delicious taste, also the price is cheap enough for them. However, another party such as the food factories can take more responsbility to change their habit by creating new healthy snacks which contains more vitamins and proteins. (307 words)

Writing Feedback / Older generation has bigger integration issues connected with living abroad [2]

Writing Task 1, Unit 1C, Page 16

The bar chart gives information about kind of difficulties for some people when they live overseas according to the age. All in all, the most serious issues of moving abroad is experienced by the middle age for all different types of problem and the percentage of look for schools for kids trouble is always in the last. Although the finance sorting problem is in the second position, the healthcare arrangement is always in the top rank for the middle and elderly age.

The greatest problem for people aged 35 to 54 is healthcare arrangement around 38%. The young adults aged 18 to 34 have less difficulty on it. On the other hand, people aged between 18 and 54 have much difficulty in finance sorting at more than a third percent. The old people aged over 55 have less trouble on it.

The last problem is looking for schools for kids while it has the lowest percentage. People aged 35 to 45 are harder to deal with this problem at above 15%. Meanwhile, people over 55 have less problematic with it at 2.5%. (182 words)

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Writing Feedback / Numbers of first-year teachers hired in some language schools in Canada [2]

The line graph gives information about the percentage of hired job for language teachers in Ontario based on the years of graduation from 2001 to 2007. According to the graph, there was a slight increase in the percentage of French-language teachers, meanwhile the percentage of English-language teachers declined dramatically. Overall, the percenage of French-language teachers was higher than another.

In 2001, the percentage of French-language teachers stood at seven in ten. In the next year, it dipped by 23% to 52% and went up again to 68% in 2003. Over the next four-year period, there was a slight increase in the percentage. In 2007, the percentage reached a peak at 75%.

In contrast, the percentage of English-language teachers hit the highest point to three-quarters. Then, it dropped dramatically and bottomed at 40% in 2003. In the next following year, there was a slight increase of 5%, eventhough it fell gradually by 20%, from 45% in 2005 to 25% in 2007. (160 words)

Writing Feedback / The press tend to report about the lives and relationships of public figures [4]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities

Writing Task 2, Unit 4C, Page 45

The press tend to report about the lives and relationships of public figures. Some people argue that they have to take more attention to the ordinary society than famous people. However, in my opinion, the lives of ordinary society are important as well as celebrities.

People who argue that the journalist should report more ordinary people than famous people, they think that they also have a chance to be published in some television programmes. There are many talented people who come from small villages or rural areas, also enable to become a public figures. For instance, there is a painter who comes from a small district in Yogyakarta. He is born with disability and he has no arms. However, it cannot break his desire to create a beautiful painting by using his legs. In result, if a local media reports his life, it can help him to spread widely a positive sphere to the other people. So, reporting the lives of ordinary people has an essential role.

On the other hand, there are some main reasons why the media keep reporting more news about the lives and relationships of celebrities. They suggest that celebrities' lifestyle have make people more curious than another. For example, famous people usually take a vacation to the beautiful private islands or canyons, which need much money to be spent to visit there. So, the audience feel attract to watch them on television. Another reason, many celebrities are more talented than other people. They always create an impressive masterpice to the audience. For instance, Taylor Swift is a singer and a song-writer who has won twice in the Grammy Awards. As a result, many people choose her as the best public figure and want to know more about her daily activity, such as the preparation for the next album or tour. So, these reasons cause most reporters take much attention to famous people.

Overall, the news about the lives of ordinary society are also necessary to be reported by the media as well as actors or actresses. Although the ordinary society are able to give the possitive impacts by their natural skills, the way of celebrities lives and their creation are also entertaining. (367 words)

Writing Feedback / What type of wind turbine location is necessary to generate maximum electricity? [2]

The design for a wind turbine and its location

The diagrams reveal information about how to produce electricity by using a wind turbine and what types of its location to generate optimum electricity. These features show that the turbin can be located in some areas. All in all, although the largest turbines can generate more electricity than the domestic turbine, the turbine which locates in the hill is more spoiled for the landscape than the domestic turbine and the offshore turbine.

A turbine can be created by using some equipment which are a steel tower, three blades, a wind sensor, a generator, and a computer. Firstly, the blade can be made from fiberglass or wood. It must be installed properly above the tower. After being installed, it can be used directly to convert wind to electricity. Then, the wind sensor helps the turbine to read the speed and the direction of the wind and transmit it to the computer near the tower. Finally, the generator can start producing electricity untill 1.5 megawatts.

The next diagram shows some optimum locations to build turbines to generates maximum wind. There are three different types of location, which are in the steep hill, domestic area, and offshore area. The wind turbine which is buld near the the domestic area, has the smallest size. It can only produce 100 kilowatts. Meanwhile, the other large turbines can generate maximum wind strengths. (226 words)

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Writing Feedback / Different ways to develop future career after graduation: work for someone or work for myself [5]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Writing Task 2, Unit 6C, Page 64

Over the time, some young adults have decided to develop their future career after graduating from a school or a universtiy by becoming an enterpreneur instead of an employee. Although there is a drawback to start up business, I believe that the advantage domintaes the disadvantage.

Some people say that the main disadvantage to create own store is too risky. The enterpreneur has many competitors in the field which sometimes they has better idea to attract more cosumers than the other. For example, based on a recent graph from Local Business Statistical Data in Jakarta, shows that over 65% stores have been surviving to increase consumers, which are more interest to the newest local business that provide convenient places or high qualitiy in products. As a consequence, one by one, the business starts getting bankrupt and being replaced with the newest one. So, this factor has made people hesitate to build their own business.

However, others who have more guts to try new experience, will get more benefits from the business. The main one is getting higher income than another. People who work for a company will have stable income and only increase to a particular amount if they have many experience. Meanwhile, an enterpreneur has earn more money in the earlier age. moreover, they can create a job opportunity to inexperience people who have been rejected by a company. Aslo, they have much more flexible time to gather with another colleague and discuss about new innovation to keep maintaining the business.

Overall, I suggest that the advantage of being an enterpreneur is greater than the disadvantage. Although the risk rate is higher than becoming an employee, they can reach more profit in early stage, help people to find a job, and have more time. (295 words)

Writing Feedback / People's life satisfication and two different types of factor that make them happiest [2]

The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiest.

Writing Task 1, Unit 7C, page 74

The graphs reveal information about people's life satisfication and two different types of factor that make them happiest that are compared by different age groups. Overall, the line graph shows clearly that there is a slight difference in the scale of happiness between male and female in the early age. Also, the main factor of happiness for younger people is money and for older people is health.

The line chart shows that the ratio of life satisfication for male stood at 5.5 and female stood at 5.3 in the early age. Both gender have the same quality of happiness at 5.3 for people aged 21 - 30. Although it decreased gradually to 5.0 for adults aged 41 - 50, it started increasing significantly at 5.6 in the elderly age.

On the other hand, the bar chart shows that the percentage of happiness which caused by money stood at 55% in the early age and continued to decrease along with the increasing of the age to 8% at over 75 year. Meanwhile, the number of happiness which caused by helath only stood at 11% for young people aged 15 - 24, but it growth gradually to 45% for older people aged 65 - 74 and remained steadily for people aged over 75. (206 words)

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Writing Feedback / Europe had the largest total land degraded with 23% caused by deforestation and over-cultivationd [3]

The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s

The pie chart reveals information about four different types of factor that cause global land degradation in 1990. The tabel shows how much these factors influence three countries during the same period. Overall, the main factor that caused destruction of the land is over-grazing. Furthermore, Ocenia is a state where over-grazing causes a big impact of the land becomes less productive.

According to the chart, the percentage of land degradation which was caused by over-grazing reached 35% and it was followed by deforestration at 30%. Meanwhile, the number of over-cultivation and other factores have almost the same ratio with 28% and 27% respectivelly.

On the other hand, Europe had the largest total land degraded with 23% which was caused mainly by deforestration and over-cultivation, with 9,8% and 7,7% respectively. Ocenia had no impact with over-cultivation, but had deforestration problem with 1,7%. In contrast North America was the state that had less impact from land degradation with total land degraded only 5%. (161 words)

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Writing Feedback / Some organisations have a standard requirement for their workers to wear formal uniforms [6]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Writing Task 2, Unit 8C, page 84

Over the time, some organisations has a standard requirement for their workers to use dress formally. Others agree that their workes do not need use dress like that, but their quality of work are the most valuable thing. However, in my opinion, it all depends on the activity that they do in the workplace.

Firstly, some people have to wear formal uniform to go to work. I believe that this situation is because their job are relating directly to other people who use a particular product or service from their company. For example, the police should wear the same uniform everyday. Besides their appearance refflect their attitude, they can be distinguished by citizens for the service that they do. So, it is essential for someone who convinces other people to use their products or services by wearing a uniform.

On the other hand, some companies have no requirement for their workers to use formal dress, because how the way they look have no big effect on the result of their job. For instance, a mining engineer is able to wear casual clothes to go to the field, because it is more comfortable to use than wearing suit and tie. Although they do not wear dress formally, they can still work optimally in the workplace.

Overall, I think these views depend on what kind of job that they do in a company. If they have to offer goods or services with consumers, they should wear formal uniform. In contrast, if the company only need their contribution, they can wear infromal dress to go to the workplace. (265 words)

Writing Feedback / Parents are more competent than school to show children how to be a decent citizen [5]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

To teach children become a good members of society, they need to be teached by their parents. Meanwhile, some people argue that school is the best place for children to learn about good behavioural. However, in my opinion, parents are more important to teach children to be a good members of society than school.

Firstly, I believe that school is the best place for children to study, but they can only learn more theoritical learning than its application. Teachers will only provide some books to be read by children and teach them how to be a good person. For example, by reading a book, children can study some customs, such as helping and tolerating each other. In result, they get new knowledge about custom, but they still do not know when they have to help or tolerate others. So, school is only a place where children can study about good attitude.

On the other hand, in my view, parents have big responsbility to teach about a good or a bad thing for children, because they have more time to interact with their own children than school do. For instance, children are able to learn directly about respect with older people by saying a greeting, because they have seen their parents do the same way. In fact, they can learn many good behavioural through daily activity. So, parents can give positive impact by teaching a good example that can be immitate by children.

In conclusion, parents have greater effect on children's attitude than school do. Although school can provide some books that can influence childreen indirectly, parents can provide more examples that can be done directly. (270 words)

Writing Feedback / How many educated Bulgarians leave their country - the chart [2]

The chart gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

Writing Task 1, Unit 1D, Page 10

The bar chart reveals the information about the percentage of Bulgarian society who wanted to live abroad based on the educational background, in 2002, 2006 and 2008. Overall, the number of secondary education reached the highest percentage over six year period.

According to the bar chart, in 2002, the percentage of secondary education reached a peak at 65%. In contrast, the percentage of higher and primary education stood at 17% and 18% respectively. Furthermore, there was an increased slightly in both educational background of 20% and 19% respectively. Although there was a significant drop of 9% in the number of higher education, the percentage of primary education hit the highest level at 32% in 2008.

It shows that the percentage of secondary education had a downward trend during the period. It followed by the percentage of higher education that fell suddenly in 2008. In contrast, the percentage of primary education an had upward trend and jumped markedly in the last year. (161 words)

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Writing Feedback / It is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle - habits change is necessary. [2]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Nowadays, some society who lives in modern era get some difficulties to have a healthy lifestyle. Meanwhile, the other society think that they have no difficulties. In this essay, I will give my opinion about these views.

I believe that some people who think that having a healthy lifestyle is very hard to be done, it because they have less time and less money to provide some things that they need. For example, someone have to spend much money to buy some organic fruits and vegetables. Furthermore, they have to take much time to prepare these food to be served. As result, they can be late to go to work or school. Thus, people think that a healthy lifestyle need much effort and money.

On the other hand, some groups of society say that it is easy to get a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, the main reason is they can change their habits by doing a simple activity. For instance, they can use stairs instead of lift or escalator, if they want to go to upstairs or downstrairs every morning. As result, they can be more fit than other people who always use convenient ways. So, it is actually easy for people who want to have a healthy lifestyle.

Overall, it is not true that there are some difficulties to get a healthy lifestyle. People do not have to spend much money and provide much time, but they can change their bad habits into another good one to get it. (251 words)

Writing Feedback / Researching particular contacting skills in business. [2]

The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

Writing Task 1, Unit 3D, Page 23

The table compares the proportion for people who were asked which types of communication skills were important in their careers, in 1997 and 2006. Overall, it is noticable that the largest proportion for external and internal communication in each year were dealing with people and listening carefully to colleagues successively.

According to the first internal communication skills, the figure of dealing with people stood at 60% in 1997 and went up to 65% in 1997. Although it has the largest number in the result of survey, the figure of knowledge of particular products or services had a significant increase of 6% in the last year given. In 2006, there was also an incline in the figure of advising or caring for customers or clients to 39%, eventhough the figure of selling a product or service fell down at 21%.

The second communication skills show that the number for listening carefully to colleagues started at 38% in 1997 and increased markedly by 9% in 2006. On the other hand, the tiniest increase experienced in the number of planning the activities of others by only 1%. Meanwhile, concerning the rest parts, there was a general rise with average by 5% for each communication skill. (202 words)

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Writing Feedback / Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media brought many advantages for people [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Writing Task 2, Unit 4D, Page 28

Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media has bring many advantages for people around the world. Meanwhile, others think that the drawback can affect to our personal relationships with other people. I totally agree with the statement and I will discuss the reason in this essay.

Firstly, there are several types of electronic media that people enjoy using it. One of them is smart phone. The reason is people can use not only for communicate, but also do other activities, such as business for shopping online or booking air ticket by only one click. According to the journal, experts have done some research about this phenomenon and found a result in 2015, people who opt shopping online by using smart phone than go from shop to shop, jumped to 76%. It is true that there is a significant increase in shopping online application that can be downloaded in mobile phone. Thus, the electric media usage make people convenient to use it.

On the other hand, besides its outweigh for the user, it is able to give a negative influence and especially to our personal relationships with close people. Although the benefit can connect us to other people who live far away from us, our relationships with people surround us might be getting worse. For instance, many children use their gadget when they have a dinner with family. As result, they have lack of social life with real people than virtual friends. Thus, it can bring a bad effect on our relationships between people.

Overall, I believe that people can get many benefits from electronic media due to its usage, eventhough the disadvantage may cause negative effect on our social life with surrounding people. (285 words)