Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by naseernasrati
Name: nasser nasrati
Joined: Oct 18, 2017
Last Post: Nov 2, 2018
Threads: 14
Posts: 33  
Likes: 10
From: Afghanistan

Displayed posts: 47 / page 1 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / CHEVENING ESSAY - Networking to deliver ideas, innovation, do the action, and bring solution [7]

Hi
I think this is your first try and need to work more on some points.
in Networking essay try to answer the question coherently, give two or three examples which shows your networking abilities.
in this essay focus on how you used your networking abilities and influenced others in what way/
you have good points in your mind but the only point is that you should reread your essay at least for five times and rephrase some sentences and add some points in your sentences.

overall, keep in your mind that how you used your networking ability, made what network and brought what change in the community using your network.

and your network how helped you to succeed in some points.
the last paragraph must be about how Chevening will help you make your network stronger and how you will use Chevening network to help your country after your graduation.
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / Create a new concept for payment - Networking Chevening [4]

Hi
overall I dont want to say anything about content of your essay considering chevening question answer because another one has already mentioned important issues but

I want to comment on grammatical and structural points of your essay.
if I were you I would like to reread the entire essay and check it for grammatical and structural points because in some points sentences are not structurally good.

and also, another important point while reading your essay for is language use, in some points you used wrong words while you should use another words such as, last sentence of first paragraph (continue) and first sentence of last paragraph ( I am chosen).

good luck.
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / I have been always trying to play role of a leader and learn leadership skills. [3]

Chevening Leadership Essay


need review especially grammatical and structural

From childhood, in school, in university and after graduation, I have been trying to play role of a leader and learn leadership skills. When I was in (XXX) School, I was elected as leader of school's social team. My duties were to initiate a team of students to organize social events weekly. Previously, there were no such events, while there were needs for the events to increase social and cultural activities among students. During my job I formulated a team of ten active students and motivated them to set up the events weekly. I have engaged more students, led them and held a memorable music event for over 200 students. The event resulted in attraction of hundreds of students in social activities. Among many students, I was selected and learnt leadership and management skills workshop for six months in (YYY organization) in 2011.

In 2012, my first year in university, my classmate would always select me as leader of group works in the class. In the first semester, while I was busy with lessons and in-campus social activities, my friends from different universities requested me to create a council. I initiated a team of 15 active and committed students and organized many debating meetings with them. At the result of efforts and collaborations I have gathered a team of motivated people to pass the official steps of creation of the council and engaged more partners. I have finally organized and hold an election of over 1000 voters to elect leader of the council. Many students requested me to participate in the election but unfortunately I refused because I was to graduate. The council is now one of effective and popular youths' councils in west zone of (country name) which has arranged many volunteer promotion programs for the students in (names of cities).

After I did my bachelor's degree, I lead over 50 (program name) projects and 15 government and private sector construction projects in different locations. During my duties I have traveled to different places and districts to deal with more than 6000 beneficiaries/families. Through many contacts with people I used organization, inspiration, consultation, collaboration and coordination skills with stakeholders and successfully completed all projects.

Currently, I am leading a group of volunteers to provide educational services for thousands of students in (name of university) University, schools and institutions. Previously, no one had any idea about TOEFL test and scholarships. By attending two hours conferences each week I could inspire many students to learn English language and apply for the scholarships especially Chevening scholarship. By leading the group of volunteers I help and direct many youths to get higher education and serve for the development of (name of country).

To conclude, I found Chevening as the best opportunity to develop my leadership skills, learn new things, meet hundreds of leaders from 160 countries and become a professional future leader to serve for the people of (name of country).
naseernasrati   
Jan 13, 2018
Writing Feedback / My own ways to improve the life in my hometown [5]

Hi
first of all here are some errors
in the first paragraph ( i have fond this place ....)
this sentence is not clear according to language use and tense
in the second paragraph ( that is)
i am confused with using this ( that is) what do you mean by stating this in the middle of the sentence
again the same problem in the fourth paragraph second line ( as well, which further) confusing

overall
your conclusion is not good because it is just one sentence whithin one paragraph
you should write more sentences in one paragraph.
naseernasrati   
Dec 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / I partly agree that children should always follow their parents' counsels [5]

Hi
first part of your essay is good but i feel a little uncomfortable with your last paragraph
as it is so short
if you write all paragraphs equally according to the length its more interesting for a reviewer
so you can rewrite your conclusion with more sentences.
naseernasrati   
Dec 28, 2017
Letters / Recommendation letter for Chevening program (engineering and urban) [3]

need your feedback

leadership abilities and vision for chevening



Islamic Republic of Afghanistan
Ministry of ...
( ) Directorate

Letter of Recommendation
To the British Embassy

It is my great pleasure to recommend Mr.(full name) in support of his application for pursuing master's degree in urban related fields through the Chevening program. I have known Mr. (name) for two years since he started working as a civil engineer in (name of province) community. I had regular contacts with him before he started working in (organization ) under my management in Sep, 2017 till now.

(name ) is among the punctual and outstanding employees in the office. I was impressed by his precision level and hard-work in at least one of assigned responsibilities, where I requested Mr. (name) to do the topographic survey of (name) city with a team. I was impressed by his comprehension and precision as he did an outstanding job which led in successful completion of the survey.

In addition, (name) proved his knowledge of engineering and urban related issues above satisfactory in monitoring and supervision of on-going construction projects in (name) city. He is well organized and keeps track of necessary issues to monitor and supervise the projects in the best way possible. Mr. (name) also demonstrated good communication skills within the office and worked well in a group environment with the other employees.

I strongly recommend Mr. (name) for Chevening program; his demonstrated leadership abilities and vision have made a positive impact in my office.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need more information
Sincerely yours
NAme
Head of (name of organization) Directorate
name of province, Afghanistan
Phone:
Email:
naseernasrati   
Dec 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent Essay Sample ( The influence of information's availability in today's world ) [3]

Hi
i think you did not studied the strategies for TOEFL independent essay.
overall for toefl questions you can get a good score with using some strategies and structures.
for writing question 2 as well you need to know some strategies and follow them to get a good score in this question.
here i will show you an example.
your entire essay should contain five paragraphs.
introduction, three body paragraphs and conclusion.
for introduction, in the first write a general statement that shows your inclination to the answer of the question and then write a transition such as ( as far as i am concerned i claim that ...) and then try to predict about three major points that you want to write three body paragraphs about them.

the next three body paragraphs: start the first sentence by saying something general about the first point that you predicted in the introduction paragraph and then supporting details, examples and reasons. and at the end of each body paragraph write a (cause and effect) sentence.

and finally write your conclusion by paraphrasing your side from introduction and three points.
naseernasrati   
Nov 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Do you prefer to eat out or at home? Life in a big city versus a small town. Toefl independent essay [3]

TOEFL, writing section, Independent essay.

Do you prefer to eat out or at home



People can only improve and experience a convenient life in a big city. Personally speaking, I postulate that living in big city is better than living in a small town. Because in a big city there are public transportation, different people and everything is available.

Firstly, public transportation is cheap and good for every kind of people. As far as I am an engineer with now income, I can't buy a car to go to my office. Every day I use public transportation to go to office and come back for only five Afs. If I live in a small town there are no any kind of public transportation. The one who live in small town must have a car to go to work or for purchasing in bazaar. Cars need oil and it costs a lot for the individual. Moreover, children can use public transportation to go to school and come back to home without any cooperation from their families. Therefore, living in a big city is good for everyone.

Additionally, in big cities there are different people with different cultures. As far as in big cities more people live, they are from different places. If I live in a big city I can experience relationship with different people and make friends from variety of cultures. Also, I can learn more things from people in the city. On the other hand, in a small town there are a few people with the same culture. Every day I will see repeated faces and it is boring for me. I can't learn anything from a small town, so, I will not experience more things and improve in a small town.

Finally, in a big city there are more facilities which we need. In a big city I can find more and different facilities such as restaurants, museums, parks and concerts. If I live in a big city I can go to nearby restaurant and serf a lunch with my friend while in a small town I have to cook at home. Also, people can go to their favorite concerts and enjoy their free times. On the other hand, at weekends I can go to parks and museums with my family and children to spend my free time. In a small town there are no restaurant, museum, park and concert, so, people don't enjoy their life because everything is repeated.

All in one, I prefer to live in a big city because there is more convenience than living in a small town. If I live in a big city I can use my free time being in parks museums and concerts. Moreover, by using public transportation I can save the money and see different people in the city.
naseernasrati   
Nov 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Technology has a significant influence on communication and relationships between people. [4]

Hi at the first here are some points that i would like to point out.
in the first paragraph and first line ( between people) AMONG
in the point that you want to add your personal opinion in the first paragraph you used(AND) transition word which is not interesting you should use different transitions.

in the third paragraph, first line ( these kinds of development also make relationships become distant and strange) this sentence is confusing for me as a reviewer.

again in the same place (emails) mail
in the third paragraph second line ( people always show the best them ...) them is confusing here
naseernasrati   
Nov 25, 2017
Scholarship / My plan to pursue my masters degree in US be scholarship. [2]

I appreciate feedback about this essay. any suggestion what to add in this essay because still here are space for more words.

Study Objectives and Future Plans



Question:
write a clear and detailed description of your study objectives and give your reasons for wanting to pursue them. be specific about your major field of study and your specialized interests within this field. describe the kind of program you expect to undertake and explain how your study plan fits in with your previous training( include number of years of experience in the relevant field of study) and your future objectives ( i.e. career plans).

Hint: ( still i have more than 400 word count space to add more information)

My answer:
Today, (name of country)'s cities due to years of devastating war and lack of experts are facing severe challenges including constructions out of plans, lack of urban plans in municipalities and Ministry of Urban Development and Housing, poor or lack of transportation and infrastructure systems, lack of public awareness about utilizing the transportation and infrastructure systems and so forth. Some improvements have been made in past and recent years, for example, Master plans for (name of country)'s big cities were developed in 1970s which is now outdated, and in recent years Master Plan of (name) city which is provided by (name) government for (name) city. However, there are still many cities without any type of urban plans; furthermore, there are still numerous areas to be improved in Urban Planning field. These problems show a great demand for experts in the field of urban planning.

Since (name of country) is a developing country and needs roads, railroads, gas pipelines and water supply projects, transportation and infrastructure is one of the most important factors for country's development. Transportation and infrastructure planning is the combination of vital functions that determine the efficiency and productivity of a city. Issues of access and mobility of urban residents must be addressed, circulation of workers from home to workplace, and of residents to shopping and services, is fundamental determinant of land use and urban form. All these are related to urban planning, land use, urban economics analysis and so forth. I am passionate to have contribution in taking part in improvement of the cities, so I wish to pursue my master's degree in urban planning with specialization in transportation and infrastructure, and gain the skills of planning and physical and economic analysis of cities.

The significance of my objective can be best understood from challenges that I have observed while working as Engineer in (name of organization) in transportation and infrastructure sub projects of (name) city. During my experience I found that (name) city lacks reliable transportation system and professionalism in the field of urban planning. In central parts of the city traffic flow, construction out of plan and poor road condition has led to many challenges to residents of this city. Current road systems causes deaths every day. On the other hand, nowadays due to security and poverty situation in villages more and more people migrate in cities, according to, "Name" magazine in 2060 half of (name) will live in the cities; this will cause to build new buildings, transportation and infrastructure systems in the cities.

At the result of my observations in (name) city, I found that municipality in this city has just one strategic plan which includes building lines, road lines and green areas, they use this for all constructions in the city, but at rainy days one floor of all markets in the south of city submerge by flood that led to a lot of economic loss. This is why all markets are constructed without a reliable transportation and infrastructure system around them. It should be possible to overcome current urban problems and lay the foundation for a prosperous city. This is why I am interested in obtaining a master's degree that will deepen my knowledge of urban planning.

Studying civil engineering has strengthened my knowledge of urban planning, among all courses I have taken during my undergraduate studies, Engineering Economy, Highway, Wastewater, Water Supply and urban planning conferences and my thesis were of my interest, from which gained a great deal of knowledge about urban planning.

During my master's degree studies I would like to take courses about urban planning in modern cities and get the experience of transportation and infrastructure systems in modern cities to convey in my country. With a master's degree in Urban Planning I will be more prepare and resourceful for development of my organization, " Name" and doing research on how to implement Master Plans in (name of country)'s cities where a high percentage of unplanned constructions exist. Upon my return to (name of country), I would like to work in Urban Development and Housing department in (name) province as Infrastructure Engineer the job which I am one of candidates. Moreover, I would like to provide advice for (name) Municipality in transportation and infrastructure area which lacks expert in this area. I strongly believe that I can achieve my goals of contribution to (name of country)'s urban system and conveying cultural norms by pursuing master's degree through (name of scholarship) program
naseernasrati   
Nov 25, 2017
Undergraduate / STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals [9]

Hi i think here are some points that need change.
in the third line ( furthering my knowledge) the word furthering is not interesting here you should change it by another word
another point ( i was a little) not interesting use another word
( after i grow up i learn ...) revise it according to tense.
( i hope i got) revise tense
( i now intend ) using (Now) here is not necessary and interesting for reviewers
naseernasrati   
Nov 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some school have special course for sports while others do not provide any of the kind. [5]

Hi here are some points that i would like to point out.
in the second line ( individuals who )(observes) because individuals is plural noun.
in the third line of first paragraph ( some some)
how about (sports courses)
in the second paragraph first line ( hidden skills)
again in the first line ( in other words)
in the second paragraph third line ( since he go) ??? go
again in the same line ( he become)
naseernasrati   
Nov 23, 2017
Scholarship / My journey to study in the United States. [3]

@Holt
Hi thanks for your feedback.
this is the essay that i worked on last year and submitted it to Fulbright Scholarship, US embassy. but unfortunately, my application was rejected according to my low TOEFL score not this essay.

the word count is not much for what the scholarship wanted. still i have more than 100 words space to add in this essay.
i want to revise this essay and use for this term i mean for this year in the scholarship.
so I really need a detailed feedback.
the scholarship needs two essays, one is personal statement and the other is Study objective and future plan which i will Threat it next time here and i hope you review it.

i hope you point out every points that need to be revised or deleted and any new instruction in the whole of the essay.
i really need your feedback.
naseernasrati   
Nov 22, 2017
Scholarship / My journey to study in the United States. [3]

US scholarship, Personal Statement



Question: (write a clear narrative that explains how you have attained your achievements so far and describes your future goals. please include information about your education, practical experience, special interests, and career objectives. But it should not be a mere listing of facts. describe any significant factors that have influenced your educational, professional, and leadership development.)

My answer:
Challenge is not a word unfamiliar to me. What I know is finding solutions and overcoming challenges in life. From beginning of high school I faced different obstacles, but my reaction was only through problem solving. For example, during school I failed repeatedly in math. I did not give up I researched and solved the challenge, the result was not only improvement of my analytic skills in math, but also a book for others, "Name of book" a book for easy understanding and improvement of analytical skills of students who want to study Engineering and Economics. The book finally was published by a Youth Association. As I was writing the book, my interest in science developed and let me to choose Civil engineering as my field of study and profession.

I started studying Civil Engineering in (Name) University where my goal was not just earning a Civil Engineering degree - it was education in all dimension. Most of my experiences were out of class, from participating in university's research projects and writing articles for university's magazine. At university, high score in Construction Management, Engineering Economy, Highway and Wastewater was not only the reason of interest in these subjects, but also I could easily see my interest through other activities, translation of (Name) Master plan from English to Persian language which was assigned by my teacher made me aware about need for Master plans in (Name of country). When I was senior, I did my bachelor thesis in, "Name" with an emphasis on road transport and infrastructure in (Name). It was the time when I knew that urban planning with specialization in transportation and infrastructure is exactly the field of study at which I want to pursue my academic career.

Before graduation from university and serving as an Engineer for community, I was thinking about big challenges in (Name of country)'s cities and seeking solutions. This led me to participate in a conference by help of my teacher about one of those challenges which I was looking at. During one week conference of, "Name)", I learned about water and sanitation system in (Name) city and how to design and construct this system to reduce wastewater pollution in (Name of country). After I graduated, at the first days of my life as an Engineer in my own city (Name of city) center of (Name) province, a province in west zone of (Name of country) with low income and lack of transportation, environment and infrastructure systems, I tried to change the poor condition of wastewater system in the city by introducing (Name of system). I did a complete package including design and proposal of this system voluntarily for a girl school with more than 2000 students to (Name of province) education department to aware the city's residents and introduce the system to people and change the wastewater system in the city which was old system and damaged the environment of the city.

Beside all my volunteer activities within my field and community my aim was to work in a national organization. As a result of working in (Name of organization) in (Name) city as District Engineer for the city transportation and infrastructure sub projects, I realized and faced many challenges. During working in (Name of organization) I found that the city lacks infrastructure facilities and a reliable transportation system. Moreover, I could understand how to plan and manage a project and overcome against all challenges during planning and management in a graveling project of a road in south of (Name) city. In addition, during my free time I was following the urban issues changes and challenges in (Name of country) by my Facebook page by the name of, "Name" to protest for environmental condition, road condition, transportation challenges and government plans and policies for (Name of country) cities, by protesting I could show the local government officials in (Name) city that our city is in dire need of a Master plan.

However, it was my first experience of establishing an organization but I understood from my experiences in (Name of organization) how to organize and manage projects, I could establish a private organization by the name of, "Name" in (Name) city to provide architectural plans and designs for people who want to build new buildings and to change the construction system from old to modern in the city.

Seeing new people and learning about new cultures is one of my interests in the life, when I was in university during my vacation I went to (Name of a foreign country) to enhance my engineering skills by learning new software's, to know about their culture and learn a new language which is my best hobby, I went to different cities and saw different cultures, when I came back I shared my experience with my friends and classmates about engineering software's and (Name) nation. I was inspired by young and talented professor by the name of (Name) who used this opportunity and is currently studying his master's degree, through many talks and interactions with him I became aware about (Name of this scholarship) program and found this program as an opportunity which I can learn about new nation and learn new things about my career.
naseernasrati   
Nov 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / task 2 essay : Gender Inequality Aspect In The Professional Zone [8]

Hi here are some points that are not interesting for me.
in your first paragraph first and second live are really confusing for me i feel they lack some grammatical points. there are vague points for me as a reviewer.

especially in two points (believed and differences) in the first line
and living a great freedom in second line.
naseernasrati   
Nov 22, 2017
Undergraduate / Will it be beneficial to teach students of distinct abilities collectively? [5]

Hi
in my view this is not a good way and good place that you used to write your opinion.
its not interesting for me as a reviewer when i read an introduction paragraph and then two body paragraphs and then your opinion.
its confusing for me because it shows things whispered and not coherence.
naseernasrati   
Nov 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / The top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions [5]

Hi
your essay is pretty good according to language use and discussion points
but in my opinion if you bring some changes in style of arranging your paragraph while discussing about points that you get as discussion points it will be more better.

and then your essay will get a high score.
try to write this essay in this method
overall four paragraphs
introduction, two paragraph discussing your two sides of view about the prompt and a conclusion paragraph.
in introduction: write a hook + transition + your opinion
in first body paragraph: discuss one side with reasons and examples
in next body paragraph: discuss the other side with reasons and examples
and finally write conclusion paragraph.
another point about this essay:
every paragraph should contain 3-5 sentences.
your conclusion is so short.
naseernasrati   
Nov 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / TOEFL independent writing prompt: kids are obsessed with video games and that causes health problems [4]

Hi here are some points that i would like to recommend you
in the first paragraph, second line( i will support) its better to say ( i support the argument)
in the second paragraph, second line (as) write (As)

overall
i dont know randomly or intentionally end and start of each of sentences in your essays has a problem.
you missed to write the first word in sentences in capital.
as well length of your sentences are not good and usual its unusual i dont know why?
another point is that you should keep in your mind to write 3-5 sentences for each paragraph.
naseernasrati   
Nov 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Universities should spend the same budget for libraries and sports activities. [2]

TOEFL, independent essay
prompt: universities should give the same amount of money to their students sports activities as they give to their university libraries. (do you agree or disagree)give reasons and examples to support your answer.

healthy bodies and minds



Sports activities are as important as studying in libraries. From my point of view, I agree that universities should spend the same budget for libraries and sports activities. Because students need a healthy body, ultimate use of breaks during study hours, and attractive offers to study in a university or college.

Firstly, mind activities such as: studying in the classes and libraries needs healthy and relaxed mind and body. Whereas, students spend most of their time in university in classes and libraries they become tired not only ghostly, but also physically. Although they need to spend most of their time in studying, they need a place to sport and become relax to study efficiently. Students who study in universities which have good sports facilities study more efficient than others. So, sports activities are as important as libraries.

In addition, studying for a long time is boring. If students in universities spend most of their time in classes and libraries they become tired, so, they need a break during their study hours. If universities provide good sports facilities in university campus, students can sport during breaks and become relaxed. For example, the university which I studied my bachelor degree had a separate part in the university campus for sport. I have used that opportunity during breaks to make my body stronger, now I have a healthy body because of sports activities during my bachelor degree. Therefore, sports activities have the same importance as studying in library and library.

Moreover, spending money on sports activities is a good way to attract more students in the universities. A facilitated library and sports facilities is not only important for students who are studying in a university, but also for students who will attend university in the future. If universities pay the same amount of money for sports activity as library, the university will attract more students to study in. Investing on sports activities and providing modern sports facilities will attract more students.

All in one, according to aforementioned reasons and examples, I am in agreement for this statement because spending the same amount of money on sports activities as libraries is helpful for the universities in different ways and manners. Because students will have healthy bodies and minds, use the breaks in the best possible way and interest in the universities.
naseernasrati   
Nov 15, 2017
Grammar, Usage / 'I am Metallurgist' - Would you correct my Email [4]

Hi here are some points that i would like to write as recommendation for you
in the first paragraph (that they needed to be analyzed) ( i have two items, they need to be analyzed)
in the second line: (i would like to talk about them with you) ( i would like to discuss about them with you)
again in the second line (maybe you....) (maybe you have some recommendations about how to analyze them)
kindly and please respectively are not interesting for reader
in the last sentence ( so we can talk ) so . doesnt mean here
naseernasrati   
Nov 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Should the community service in the high school be built by a volunteer or compulsory system [4]

Hi
i have a suggestion about the whole style of writing an agree/disagree essay
follow the (predicted) essay respond as follow
in predicted style you should write five paragraphs
first paragraph is introduction and structured as follow
introduction paragraph contains a general statement related to the question respond, then transition and then your opinion
in your introduction paragraph try to point out or predict about three major points of view to support your answers in body paragraphs.
in the next step write three body paragraph as follow.
in the first of body paragraph write a topic statement and then transition and then your reasons and examples
the last sentence of each body paragraph should be a cause-affect sentence.
and finally write the last paragraph as the conclusion by concluding your respond in the best way and with paraphrasing aforementioned issues.
good luck.
naseernasrati   
Nov 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Every success is because of hard working, luck has not much in common with success. [5]

prompt: Every success is because of hard working. Luck has nothing with success. (do you agree or disagree)

Success without being lucky?



Every success in the life is because of hard working, nothing will be achieved with lick.. From my perspective, I agree because when people graduate from universities, get good jobs and receive high salary, it's the result of hard working not luck.

Firstly, as far as I am concerned, when people study at university or college they have to work hardly to succeed in the exams, otherwise they will fail or get a low score. For example, when I was studying civil engineering one of my classmates had the highest score because he had tried to achieve that lack had nothing with his success. When people don't study before the exams they will never receive a high score. So, success in exams which is necessary in our lives depends to hard working not luck.

Also, nowadays jobs are competitive and can be taken by success in the exams. When one wants to get a job he/she has to get prepare for an exam by and success in the exam to get the job. If people don't study hardly for jobs exams and wait for luck they will not get the job and finally they will be regret. During getting a job, for most of professions luck is nothing, high score is acceptable which can be achieved by hard working. Therefore, luck has nothing, hard work is helpful.

Moreover, people who worked hardly for their profession get high salary. During working in an organization, there are a lot of employees; the one who work hard will receive the high salary. If the one wait for luck, he/she will never receive a high salary. For example, I am working in an organization where, 20 employees are working together. Two of us receive the highest salary because they work hardly, not because of luck. Hard work has the highest income; luck is nothing to get a high salary.

To conclude, from my experience, people can success in every part of their life, if they work hardly for their targets. Luck has nothing to success in achieving the goals. From studying in the university to getting a job and high salary the one should work hardly to success, otherwise he/she will never achieve the goal. Every success is because of hard work, luck is not helpful in becoming success in the life.
naseernasrati   
Nov 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Idea of going abroad for university study is an exciting prospect for many people [6]

Hi first of all here are some points that i want to have some recommendations.
in the first paragraph, first sentence( studies) higher education.
in the second line ( there are a few) few what???
again in the third paragraph (a few) what??

and overall
you did not go on prompt way
your paragraphs are not written in a good way, i mean your first paragraph is not like an introduction paragraph.
in some points you are using wrong words for example (a few) i as a reviewer become confuse with these points
naseernasrati   
Nov 14, 2017
Graduate / ERASMUS essay for program that focuses on environmental policy and planning [4]

Hi
in the first paragraph, (this) is not good i recommend (the)
the third line of your first paragraph is vague, try to clarify it more.
overall you should focus more on future career plan because you have less information about it in your essay.
your essay is good from end to start. revise it and clarify some vague points especially in the first part of your essay.
for me as a reviewer its hard to understand some points such as third line of first paragraph.
you should keep the equivalence in responding four questions that you mentioned before your essay here.
it means that give information about all four questions respond equally in 350 words.
naseernasrati   
Nov 14, 2017
Letters / Has television ruined bonds among friends and family or not? TOEFL Independent essay. [4]

Do you agree or disagree? (Television has destroyed communication among friends and family). give reasons and examples to support your respond.

watching tv instead of going out with friends and family



Has television destroyed communication among friends and family or not? As far as I am concerned, I agree with this because television causes people spend their free time watching television, become dependent to television and get bad habit of watching television.

Television causes most of us spend our free time watching it, for example, nowadays I watch television five hours per day, while some years ago I used to spend my free times with friends and family. When I use my free time watching television I surely can't see my friends and family to spend my free time with them and enjoy my free times. Television has affected not only my free times but also my study times. Therefore, television has bad effect on our relationships with friends and family.

Also, nowadays people become dependent to television. Whereas some people like to watch series, news and entertainment programs. Different and attractive programs in television attract our attention to become dependent to them. When people become dependent to television it affects our good and old relationship with friends and family. Even though we still spend some of our times with friends and family, the communication is not as good as we must have. So, watching television has destroyed communication with friends and family because we are dependent to it.

Moreover, watching television is a bad habit. Children are more affected by television. As far as I concern children spend much of their times watching entertainment programs on television which is a bad habit for them. Although, they have a lot of responsibilities such as studying and doing homework with their friends and family, they spend their time watching television. Not only children have this bad habit, but also teenagers and youths as well. Students who are studying university or college spend their time watching television instead of spending their time with their friends to participate in group discussions, so it is a bad habit for all of them. Watching television has destroyed relations of students with friends and family.

To sum up, in my view watching television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Because more and more people spend their free time watching television instead of going out with friends and family. Because of attractive and interesting programs on television people become dependent to it whilst they have a lot of responsibilities to do, so, this is a bad habit as well.
naseernasrati   
Nov 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2, University education should be free for everyone [3]

Hi
overall i would like to write you a brief description of a good and academic essay guide, which you can follow that and get a high score.

try to choose predicted essays style.
at the first start from stating a general topic or making question of the prompt and then use a transition and then write your opinion, all these at the first paragraph as your introduction paragraph. in predicted style you should state three important points which in the three body paragraph you should write about each of them in detail.

in the second step go on the first body paragraph by choosing the first important point from introduction paragraph.
the next two paragraphs should be the same as your first paragraph according to its type.
and then write your conclusion.
keep in your mind to write the body paragraphs as this instruction:
first of each body paragraph should be a topic sentence
next, write your reasons and examples
finally at the end of each body paragraph write a cause and effect sentence.

if you follow this instructions correctly and completely you will receive a high score
good luck.
naseernasrati   
Nov 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / Our lives has been changed by the Internet significantly in recent years. IELTS task 2 [4]

Hi
first of all here are some mistakes that i would like to mention:
1- in the first paragraph, first line (despite some argued ) arguments
2- in the first paragraph, first line (that the change have) changes have
3- in the first paragraph, second line ( i complete agree) i completely agree
4- in the second paragraph, first line(our lives have became) become
5- again in the same line (whithe)
6- on the other side of the world ??? not interesting.
over all i checked two paragraphs and i thing more that it was not necessary because i could understand you.
your grammar and writing is not as good, you need more and more learning grammar and practice
in my opinion this essay is not so academic because you have a lot of mistakes.
try to write carefully and more academically
naseernasrati   
Nov 13, 2017
Letters / Recommendation Letter to British embassy, my journey to study Urban Planning. [2]

my journey to study Urban Planning



Nov 15, 2017

( name of my teacher), lecturer
Herat, Afghanistan

Letter of Recommendation for (Naseer Nasrati)

To the British Embassy

I am writing this recommendation letter for (Naseer Nasrati) related to his application to Chevening Scholarships - 2018 graduate study program. (Naseer ) is one of my former undergraduate students for a course that I used to teach in engineering economy at (name of university) University in Afghanistan as a lecturer.

I have studied urban analysis and management at University of Florence, Italy through a governmental scholarship. Currently, I work at Herat University as lecturer and as advisor of Herat municipality.

(Naseer ) performed above satisfactory in the engineering economy course I taught in fall 2015 at (name of university) University. He had above 90% grade in the class for the semester and 100 score on his exams and laboratory assignments. In his project assignments about engineering economy, (Naseer ) demonstrated a thorough knowledge of economic engineering. His laboratory assignments required doing a research about urban problems in Herat city, and he successfully applied the engineering economy fundamentals learned in class to lab exercises involving various types of construction projects. (Naseer )'s work product was satisfactory in the class, and he contributed to class discussions. (Naseer ) was present for all the sessions I taught in his class, and he constantly strove to be among the top of his classmates; his dedication to his studies and work product resulted in his satisfactory performance in the class. Mr. Nasrati also demonstrated good communication skills within the class and worked well in a group environment with the other students.

I have greatly admired his commitment and hard work in his study goals. He was committed to apply for Chevening Scholarship since then, and I am absolutely sure that he will be able to study a master's degree in the UK.

He is coming from (name of province) province, a western province in Afghanistan. Relatively speaking, I trust he must be among the top applicants who come from such countryside provinces. I wish him all the best in his graduate studies and recommend him to be considered for the program.

Sincerely,

( name of my teacher), Lecturer
Herat University
Herat, Afghanistan
Email:
Phone:

Page 1 of 1
naseernasrati   
Nov 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Nowadays food is easier to get and there's avariety of it. Has this change improved your life? [2]

food has become easier to prepare these days



It has been always said, "We are working and trying only for living and life is not possible without food". Food is one of three vital things such as: food, water and shelter which are necessary for every one of us to be alive in the world. People are hardly working merely to have a good and comfortable life. Whereas, food is an important part of our life, the way of making it is as well an important part of our life. Nowadays, after big industrial revolutions in the world cooking is as well affected by revolutions and improved. Now it's easier to have a prepared food at any time anywhere than before. In my opinion ease of cooking improved our lives but has some advantages and disadvantages.

First, for those who work and have a lot of responsibilities time is a crucial issue than any other activity during the day even food. Ease of cooking has improved life of those who are busy because they spend less time in providing food and spend more time for their jobs. For example, since I am an engineer I have a lot of responsibilities such as visiting the site and sometimes I am on site while others are eating lunch. I go to my favorite restaurant near my office and eat the lunch. Although ease of cooking is good for those who are busier, they cannot taste the home delicious foods. Ease of cooking is good for some people but they cannot enjoy home foods.

Second, advancement of technology has affected all parts of our life. Ease of cooking is one of those parts, because we have different devices for kitchen and cooking which has helped us to provide foods easier and in more comfortable manner. Nowadays our kitchens are equipped with modern devices such as mixers which help us to cook faster than before. In the cities we have a lot of restaurants which provide different and fast foods in everywhere and every time. All of those are important for every one of us because we are experiencing improved life. But we are going far away from natural taste of foods in our home and cities.

All in one, ease of cooking has improved life of people but in the other side it has affected taste of foods. Ease of cooking is really important for those who don't have much time during the day, but they are becoming far from delicious taste of home foods.
naseernasrati   
Oct 23, 2017
Scholarship / I will spare no effort to enrich my networking, experience and knowledge to serve my community [12]

@MariamM
Hi
you are completely going in wrong way by this essay
this is not the one that chevening needs
half of your essay is just general things that is available on internet.
and in the rest you was bound to close to the object of networking answer but its not ready
you need to completely write this essay again but keep in your mind something from this to write in your new essay.
chevening needs students with strong networking skills. you should state this by two or three specific examples of your own professional life.
start with one paragraph introduction,
next write two specific examples of making networks in your professional life in two paragraphs and then write a closing paragraph.
in your next try keep in mind this structure and write your essay then post it on this forum.
for your writing style:
try to write formally not as your first paragraph and second paragraph that you listed unnecessary things about you and Egypt.
naseernasrati   
Oct 23, 2017
Scholarship / Technology Policy Post Study Career Plan - Chevening [3]

hi here are some corrections that i will point out those:
1- in the first paragraph first line( by completing a master's degree in the UK)
2- Network is not interesting in the line of skills, experiences and ...
3- in the first paragraph third line( therefore, my short plan...)( this sentence is completely confusing , maybe you missed some grammatical points)
4- think thank group ( Think Thank )
5- recommendations
6- a strong policy ( or strong policies ...)
7- in the second paragraph (Enhanced) (enhanced)
8- again in the second paragraph ( academic journal)( an academic or academic journals)
9-again (various university)(universities)
overall
your essay is not ready to submit right now but if you bring some changes it will be more efficient and strong.
at the first you should have a general speaking for Indonesia, your field, challenges, needs, but not so general, point out something that you will discuss.

and then try to write one paragraph short term plan (1-5) and then longer term plan plan so specific.
in my opinion your last paragraph which is long term plan is really general, i as a reviewer, this paragraph is not interesting for me and its a negative point for you because its not specific its just thoughts.

finally
i recommend you to start another essay but keep your opinions that you mentioned here because its good for you but if you write in a good manner.

keep two points in writing this essay.
1- try to write so specific
2- try to write smooth
after this you will have an efficient and strong essay.
naseernasrati   
Oct 22, 2017
Scholarship / To become a great leader means taking stock of who you are, all your strengths and weaknesses [3]

Hi at the first here are some confusing points for me as a reviewer:
1- in the first paragraph (become a great leader...) this is confusing as well not interesting try to write in another way.
2- in the first paragraph line 3 ( you and only you not anyone else) this is not as good sentence as you write in an academic essay, so informal.

3- last sentence in the first paragraph ( understanding for their needs) try to write in another way
4- in the second paragraph ( two words are completely confusing for me, leadership position and understand)
5- in the third paragraph(social media campaigns )(s)???
and ......
overall your essay is not really ready right now its full of confusing points.
you need to revise your essay and consider two points
try to write one paragraph at the first something about all your leadership and influence skills and two specific examples and then closing paragraph
and the next step try your best to write smooth.
nothing must be unclear in your essay.
naseernasrati   
Oct 21, 2017
Scholarship / Different experiences that had sharpened my leadership skills - Chevening application [5]

Hi Adenike
at the first a correction:
i am confused while reading this sentence( To ensure the essence of the tutorial was achieved) maybe this is grammatically incorrect or not written in a good manner. its not interesting

overall i did not know anything about your field because of this while reading your essay i was confused and missed a thing
but your examples of leadership and influence is good and enough if you revise and focus more on creation of a coherent and smooth essay.

i as a reviewer cant feel comfortable while reading your essay in this draft but if you specify somethings in it, it will be really effective.

because one or two unclear points in a essay all its content can be affected. so clear something in your essay like your profession
another point that is not clear for me is (tutorials ) that i think its because of your profession that is not clear.
naseernasrati   
Oct 21, 2017
Scholarship / Chevening study in UK essay, my journey to become urban planner in the future. [6]

choices for study



My first choice is studying, "Urban Planning - Development and Transitional Regions" in university of Oxford Brookes. When I was studying civil engineering at the result of interests in urban sector I chose my thesis topic related to urban sector and its challenges in Afghanistan, "Remote sensing and GIS application in mapping" doing this research with specialization in Afghanistan was my first experience of researching in urban sector, it made me aware about importance and need of researching in urban sector of Afghanistan. As part of my studying in urban planning field in university of Oxford Brookes, I will learn and develop my knowledge of research methods and methodology.

Moreover, by using opportunities such as forum of debate about research as well as giving students the opportunity to gain practical skill from this university, I will be more prepared to do important researches in urban sector.

In addition, as part of elective subjects in urban planning department of Oxford Brookes university, I will choose to study, "GIS and Environmental Assessment" and, "Statistical Research Using SPSS" to add in my information, knowledge and experience of GIS applications and SPSS in researches. In the other side, as this urban planning in this university is accredited by, "Royal Institute of chartered Surveyors (RICS)" and," Royal Town Planning Institute (RTPI)" I will use this chance and try to get full membership of these institutes and use all opportunities in the institutes for my career. Upon returning with skills and experiences that I will gain according to aforementioned opportunities in UK, I will be prepared to establish my research NGO in urban sector and do important and necessary researches in urban sector to find solutions for existence challenges.

My second choice is studying, "MA Town and Regional Planning" in the university of Sheffield. It's almost in the same line of work as my previous work. After graduation while I was working in a National Program in Ghor province I could for the first time establish a private organization named, "Shahrara Engineering Services" where I and my co-workers are providing all types of plans including architectural plans for customers. During working in the organization I could get elementary experiences of special planning and urban design, but it is not enough for me and the community, what I need is to study more in this area. During studying in this field I will learn perspectives on spatial planning, issues in housing, sustainable development in practice, skills for urban design and advanced software which will provide me with the knowledge and skills to work in planning and investing in the spaces where we live.

Thirdly, I have chosen Urban Planning in the University of West of England. During working in Ghor Urban Development and Housing Department I was member of a topographic survey team for making Firozkoh city master plan. I got the elementary experience of making master plans and its challenges. After completion of my master's degree in this field I will be more prepared in transport policy and plan making including conceiving, development, and writing plans for a range of spatial scales.
naseernasrati   
Oct 20, 2017
Scholarship / Leadership used to control the teamwork on engineering - Chevening essay [4]

Hi here are some corrections that i will state
1- in the second paragraph ( to achieve goals) i as reviewer will ask myself which goals i mean i am confused.
2- in the third paragraph ( after all the point) all points???
3- in the fourth paragraph ( will the team faced)???
4-n the fourth paragraph (more idea)???
5- again in the same paragraph ( the construction started)???
overall as my profession is the same as you i would like to say some general issues to you
you spend half of your essay in stating general issues i think that is not helpful for your essay, in my opinion stating something general related to other paragraphs is enough to write in the first paragraph.

you stated just one example of your leadership here, in my opinion if your could write two examples it will be more helpful for your essay and in that time your essay would become effective.

if you can add another example instead of stating general issues.as well try to specify everything in your essay because it will be more helpful if you do not state in general in all paragraphs.
naseernasrati   
Oct 20, 2017
Scholarship / Chevening career plan essay, my journey to become future urban researcher [4]

urban issues research



Today, Afghanistan's cities due to years of devastating war and lack of experts are facing sever challenges including: lack of urban sector research organizations and researches, constructions out of plan, lack of urban plans in municipalities and Ministry of Urban Development and Housing, poor or lack of transportation and infrastructure systems. These problems show a great demand for experts in urban sector. UK has different priorities and funds for Afghanistan including urban sector. For example UK is funding Citizen Charter Program Afghanistan (CCPA), urban sector is an important and core part of it.

One of my immediate plans and goals upon returning home is doing a research about how to make master plans for cities where problems such as constructions out of plan and land use exist and offering it in, "National Urban Conference" the conference which Urban Research and Development Center (URDC) holds every year in Kabul city. This conference is an opportunity to represent the research and convey the results to government officials, policy makers and donors

Whereas I did a research by the name of ,"parking problems in cities with less extend lands and their solutions" which finally was accepted by URDC as a research and will present it to thousands of government officials, donors, professors, researchers and students from all over Afghanistan in Nov,18, 2017. I want to gain more knowledge about planning in urban issues and doing an important research in many cities in Afghanistan. Moreover, as I am working in Ghor Urban Development and Housing Department as monitoring and supervision engineer for urban sector's projects. I could gain a lot of information and experiences in this sector. As part of my immediate plans upon returning in Afghanistan I will continue working in urban sector specially working in MUDH.

My long term goal and plan after practicing all aspects of researching in urban issues is to establish a professional NGO, where I will gather many professionals including Chevening alumni who gained a master's degree related to urban field, as well I will gather young students from different cities and different universities to train them whatever we learnt from UK universities. Moreover, as my bachelor thesis was about, "Remote sensing and GIS applications in mapping" I plan to do a research about using GIS and Remote Sensing technology in Afghanistan, a country with uneven and remote lands which is a necessary issue in survey of every infrastructure project in Afghanistan and teach this technology to others in my NGO.

In addition, I will corporate and work with MUDH and municipalities about all challenges in urban sector. We will do researches about urban problems in Afghanistan's cities by using UK, Afghanistan and other countries donors' funds to lay the foundation for a prosperous Afghanistan.
naseernasrati   
Oct 19, 2017
Undergraduate / A chance to describe yourself, your readiness for college, your pursuits and achievements [5]

Hi here are some points that i would like to point out
1- first paragraph
The sound of Music ( T and M)
2- .Lunch time. ( dot +Lunch time +dot)
3- Lunch was served again a really short sentence
4- more to food ( feed)
5- having been born in New York ???
6- to more food ??? confusing like having been born
7- eating unhealthy not interesting
8- Diabetes capital letter
9- i wanted to know why really short sentence again
10- overall two major points in your writing which is questionable for me.
capitalization and short sentences