Writing Feedback / International Tourism and its Influence on the Destined Countries [2]

Hi Sanufal, I have read your essay closer and found a few suggestions for improving yours.
In the first paragraph, you successfully rephrase the statement and question. Following that, you have shown what you will elucidate in the body paragraph serving in the last sentence of the introductory paragraph. However, you still made minor errors grammatically. Pay attention to the subject-verb agreement especially the third singular person.

Turning to your body paragraph, you actually can deliver your idea with full explanation supported by strong sentences.However, your logic flow didn't attend well there.


Those explanations couldn't support each other. In fact, those should still relate to the first idea. You didn't review what happens if foreigners do not conceive the inhabitant rules. You offer an idea,but you were reviewing another idea. If you do continuously, your score for coherent will fall down. Keep your idea so that you present the idea and let the first become vague.

Besides, you use the same linking words many times although there are a variety of transitive words. Also, you are supposed to pick the appropriate linking words to produce move smoother.

Hopefully, my notes can help you and are always remembered for improvement next term.
GOOD LUCK

Scholarship / The same proportion between boys and girls in a tertiary education for all subjects [2]

Hello Phuong, I will try giving you a few correction for improving your essay. Please, meet my notes and consider them for your enhancement.
First, be careful of picking words paraphrasing the statement give. There is a focus on teenagers and adults for students in tertiary education. Nevertheless, you place words "boys and girls". Both words describe the definition of children. It might seem a minor mistake, but maybe can become an attention of the examiner.

Then, you have presented the contrast statement. In the first paragraph especially the thesis statement, you showed that you strongly agree with the perspective,but you have not explained unlike your initial position in the body paragraph. Turning to your first body paragraph, you said that it more benefits if students are placed based on their growing ability.

Actually, your way to display your idea is a good explanation and it is served systematically. However, your review is out of your beginning point. That can obviously influence your score for coherence and cohesion. Following this, your conclusion showed different things.You are more likely to summarize comparison between benefits and disadvantages of clustering in the genders. Please, you pay attention the question because it includes the prompts which you are supposed to deal with. |

Hopefully, my suggestions are able to help you and improve the quality of yours.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / A discussion has been ongoing regarding the development of roads and railways [3]

Hi Fiza, let me give a few of improving suggestions.
Actually, your writing is a good job, but you have still needed improvement especially your flow. Firstly, it is better if you merge your second and third sentences in the introduction so that you can produce the good transition and the complex sentence.

"I totally agree that railways need to be more funded because of the contribution of the mode to the nations more compared to roads".

For your body paragraph, you are supposed to check your sentences more times. Make sure that what you think is what you write. I have found that there are a few sentences different from your ideas. I guess you only deliver the words inappropriately so that changing the meaning is in your mind. In your second body paragraph, you should rearrange your sentences. You displayed your reason first before your idea, so readers get difficult to understand your idea. I suppose that your idea in the second one is the efficiency of trade cost.

For your third body, your supporting sentences are still weak. Even it presented incoherence. Honestly, you made a smart step because you separate your ideas into 3 body paragraphs.However, you have to strengthen your idea each paragraph. pay attention more to your coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Hopefully, my notes can improve your writing skill.
GOOD LUCK for your test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: People who lived in Charlestown [3]

Hi Peter, let me show what you are supposed to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
Firstly, if you want to impress the examiner in the first paragraph, you should pick an interesting trend up to be written as an overview. For instance, "It is important to note that in both periods, elderly people aged between 60 -69 years suffer most of disproportionate weight". After that, you avoid giving your opinion. "most of people from all age categories are healthy as it indicates that". That sentence indicated that you offered the personal view. Be of careful of this because your job in this task is to describe and to compare the figures, not to conclude them. You could not conclude that if they have the ideal weight, they are healthy because many factors should be so met so that the condition happens.

Following this, there tended to describe listing the data. You have to have a bravery to compare the figures. I only remain you that one of the essential prompts is comparing description.Hopefully, my suggestions can help you. GOOD LUCK for the next writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1-The chart gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity [3]

Hi Ulica,I have read your writing closely and it is actually a good job. However, you forgot a few essential elements in the writing task 1.Please,you meet my suggestions so that you can create the better writing in the next term.

Firstly,it's better you merge your first and second paragraphs,so they can become the integrated unity. Besides, a good paragraph should have at leas three sentences. For your overview (the second paragraph), you successfully found an interesting trend in the table.

Apart from that,you hardly get the higher score because you work safely. I meant that you only described more listing the data.If you want to meet the task achievement, you are supposed to tend doing comparisons of the figures.I only remember you that your job in the writing task is to compare the figures relevant. Following this, hopefully you can explore more information which found in the table because the number of your words is very close to the border of the requirement. I suggest you to write between 165 and180 words.Do not write so many because the quality is more important that the quantity.

GOOD LUCK for your next writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 : Material Possessions or Kindness/Trust? [5]

Hi Zeqy, I have read your writing closely and would try reviewing what you needed to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

Firstly, you potentially get penalty and your score would be reduced because your number of words is less than 250 words (241 words). You are supposed to write at least 250 words as one of essential requirements in the writing task 2. Generally, more candidates of IELTS test write between 265 and 280 words. Please, you pay attention to this problem for getting a good score. Following this, you actually misunderstood the prompts given. The first sentence is a general statement, and you are supposed to give your perspective about the opinion that honors, kindness, and trust are unimportant.

In addition, you still made minor errors in grammar. Perhaps, it is a small mistake, but you did many times, which can reduce your point in grammatical accuracy. Lastly, your example is unclear. You have to make it more obvious to strengthen your opinion.

Hopefully, my suggestion can be useful for your writing. GOOD LUCK for your test.

Writing Feedback / Opening the novelties of efficient train services for travel across city capitals [3]

Hi Qianting, these are my thoughts about your writing. Hopefully, these can improve your writing skill.
For your introductory paragraph (the first paragraph), it is enough good, but you needed to deliver proper word to display what you think such as "the emphasis should be put..". Turning to your body paragraph, your writing missed coherence and cohesion for building your opinion there. In the first body paragraph, you mentioned that the fast trains can help to connect easily among cities, but you did not present supporting sentences to strengthen your view. Actually, the first sentence of the first paragraph showed that you would review connection, and then saving budget. However, you could not meet those systematically.

Looking at your second paragraph closely, you said that improving the public transport benefit directly, but you did not write those. It seemed as the list of idea without strong reasons. In the same case, you also the mode can control the level of the population, but you did not still present your strong opinion encouraged by logic reasons. Avoid it seemed as layman's opinion.

I hope these a few suggestion can help you to make this essay better. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: More people are moving away from an agriculture background to big cities [5]

Hi Vu, these are my thoughts for improvements of your writing. Hopefully, my suggestions can help you.
Firstly, your thesis statement to describe your mind about the solution in the first paragraph should use proper introductory sentence. It seemed that the sentence is a force done because of effects of the circumstance, whereas the prompts asks solution offers. Following this, in the second paragraph, you are supposed to show logic flow to review what you argue about the case. There is a gap when you mentioned needing time and money, and house rent price. You should associate problems and effect from transmigration. Besides, it's better that you focus on what you elucidate because you reviewed many topic in the first body paragraph, including economic sector. However, you have not explained those in depth.

Actually, your ideas in the second body paragraph is good, but you still need improvement to deliver you idea. You can get achieving the task respond if you could display you ideas systematically. For basic explanation, you are supposed to write your solution and then you include your reason why it can be successfully implicated so that you can strengthen your opinion.

I hope these can improve your writing skill. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - BAR GRAPH - ANNUAL RIDERSHIP; public transport in Williamsville [5]

Hi Mr. John.
I have reviewed your essay closely and found a few errors . Hopefully, you can improve your skill through these suggestions.

Firstly, you have to be careful of paraphrasing the statement. The meaning of passengers and rides is so different. I know that you want to show your ability in lexical resource, but we are supposed to pay attention to the meaning. For your overview, you could get the higher score. You needed making the overview more interesting. For example, "The mode of subway always used to attract most rides over the period shown".

For your grouping, you found a difficulty to obtain the high score in task achievement because you grouped your data separately. I meant that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Well, you might compared the data, but it only happened once. You should compare both modes in all paragraphs. To make it more attractive, you can separate your paragraphs based on years, 2011-2013 and 2014-2015. Lastly, in writing task 1, you do not need to write conclusion, only the overview.

Hopefully, you can meet my advice and deal with it.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PIE CHART - AGRICULTURAL PRODUCTION [4]

Hi John, I have read your writing closely and found a few improvements you need.
Firstly, you should write that there are 4 main kinds of agricultural products in the paraphrase of the statement so that it seemed clearer. Turning to your overview in the last paragraph, you were supposed to present proper information because you could not say that in the east area, all proportions of the products are almost similar. It can be seen that we could found a huge difference of percentage.

I only remind you, John. Your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures shown, not to describe them separately. As I am concerned, you separated your paragraphs based on two areas, whereas if you wanna get a higher score, you have to compare products of agriculture. You can inform conditions of a particular product in two different areas.

Hopefully, these suggestions are able to enhance the quality of your writing. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / "A lot of people want to get married at later ages. Why is this trend popular ?" [5]

Hi Tram, I have read your essay closely and try to give you a few suggestions for finalizing this. Please, meet my notes so that you can deal with them in the next term.

First, you failed for impressing readers in the first glance because you made mistakes in the meaning and grammar. In the introductory paragraph, you are supposed to paraphrase the statement by using your own vocabulary in order to get a higher score in the lexical resource. For your thesis statement, you have needed strengthening your opinion. You present briefly what you would explain in the body paragraphs. I meant that you mention reasons of the issue and your view. You can display simple words to describe that.

Turning to your body paragraphs, your ideas are good. However, you had to write systematically. This is an academic writing so that you have to display well. The supporting sentences should be included in your opinion. Then, you give relevant examples. I believe you can master this section if you wanna read the examples of writing task 2. You only need the basic pattern to make your explanation more systematic.

For creating the good conclusion, you only paraphrase your thesis statement. In other words, you restate your opinion.
Hopefully, these can help you. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Is it possible for a country to be economically progressive while having a clean environment? [4]

Hi Maksim, I have read this essay closely. I am gonna offer you a few suggestion so that those can make this better.
Firstly, if you wanna get a higher score, you are supposed to have the meaningful thesis statement (the last sentence of the first paragraph). Not only you should show your position, but you have to give brief reasons why you stated like that. This has a function for presenting information what you would explain in the body paragraph.

For your first body paragraph, you couldn't answer the question/ prompt given. Your supporting reason was very weak so that you were not able to persuade readers for agreeing with your perspective. I have not got your logical flow. This is an essential element for being presented in order to meet the requirement. Following this, it seemed like layman's opinions. Pay attention to this factor because this related to task achievement.

Actually, you also did the same model in your second body paragraph. You seemed like directly presenting the relevant examples whereas you had to begin with the explanation/ reason why you stated. Trust me, you cannot the higher score so that you have missed the task achievement.

In this moment, I only give you these corrections. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them
GOOK LUCK for next writing

Writing Feedback / Do the drawbacks of video games (unhealthy lifestyle, distraction from study) outweigh the benefits? [5]

Hi Yuan, I have read your essay closely and will give you a few corrections for finalizing this essay. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

First, your paraphrase of the statement is good, but your thesis statement is weak. Its reason is that because you review what you would explain in the body paragraph. You said that this habit more negative effect, but you can present brief description. For your body paragraph, your idea is good. However, you explain deep. As we can know, this is an academic writing so that you have to prove your opinion such as showing the example. There are many ideas, but those seemed layman's opinions because it has not been strong.

Your score can be reduced because readers get difficult to understand your logic flow. In the next term, please you pay attention to your flow. I suggest you review the example of writing task 2 so that you can recognize the basic pattern of writing task 2 better. In the concluding paragraph, you successfully present the good conclusion, but you have needed for strengthening that. I believe you can master this session if you wanna practice more and more.

Happy writing, good luck

Writing Feedback / Practice IELTS Writing Task 2 - Benefit and Drawback of Computer Games [3]

Hello Mr Habib, in this moment I am going to offer a few suggestions for improving your essay so that you can finalize that.
First, if you wanna paraphrase the statement, you are supposed to do totally. You mentioned that advertisers state advantageous of the computer games whereas you had to show their opinion about detrimental effects. Pay attention to the statement. The prompts given ask you for arguing your opinion that the trend has advantages and disadvantages. Those two factors are unity you have to review.

For your body paragraph, please be careful of picking examples up. Your first reason in the first body has not related to the example. As we can see, you said that the computer game can raise the capacity of memories, but you can show the relevant scientific fact. Following that, I suggest you avoid the scientific fact in your real test. It is impossible you can deliver the scientific fact in that situation. It is better you present your personal experiences or information which you get in the field. On the other hand, you should strengthen your logic flow in the second body paragraph. There were a few missings in your flow.

Lastly, your thesis statement is good. If you can get the points of the statement given, you could create the good thesis statement.
Keep spirit. You only need practice more and more. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Sales in a college bookshop [4]

Hi Katya, I have read your writing closely and found a few mistakes which you are supposed to be fixed.
You could face a big stumbling block to achieve score more than 6 because you missed presenting one of essential elements in the writing task. I have not found your overview presenting general and interesting trend in the table. You tended to display the information of the table. I meant this sentence.

Sales data were obtained from two groups of customers, non-book club members and book club members.

Admittedly, the overview is essential because you can show to examiners that you could analyze the data given. In addition, you have presented your data safely. Its reason is that you only listed the data. I remind you that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to explain separately. As we can see, you avoided comparing the figures. You had to compare the figures if you wanna get the higher score. There are some relevant data which you are able to compare. In the other words, your review is unattractive. However, I believe you can improve this by observing the examples of the writing task 1. You can master this section if you wanna practice more and more. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Protecting architectural heritage [4]

Hi Tran Le, these my thoughts review your essay. Please, meet my notes for finalizing this.
Firstly, your introductory paragraph is good because you successfully paraphrased the statement weel. Following this, you could show your position or opinions about the issue. The thesis statement which you presented could cover what you would in the body paragraph. However, you have needed improvement in the flow of your essay. You should harness transition words for making your move smoother. Admittedly, that is very difficult, but you can achieve the higher score if you can deal with it.

For your body paragraph, you could explain your idea systematically. You could display the strong reason including examples from your personal experiences. However, the second explanation in the second body has lacked the clear illustration. I meant that the twelveth sentence has needed exploration. You had to strengthen that.

In your conclusion, you could add a suggestion for completing this paragraph. However, you successfully paraphrase your thesis statement so that you could present the conclusion related to the aforementioned explanation.

Overall, this essay is a good job. I believe you can enhance the quality of your essay on condition that you wanna practice more and more.

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: The percentage of 10-15 year-olds chatting online and playing games. [6]

Hi Moon, I will try giving you a few suggestion for finalizing your writing.
Actually, your writing is good, but you did not aware minor mistakes which can reduce your score. Firstly, your first sentence could not describe paraphrase of the statement. You wrote pronoun "it" whereas that confuse readers. Please, you avoid that mistake in the next term. It can make meaning of the paraphrase abuse. For your overview, it is good because that could cover general trend. However, you should merge between the first and second paragraph because the good paragraph consists of at least three sentences.

For your body paragraph, your grouping is good, but you did not explore your first body. That is very short. You are able to compare use of the internet which accesses for 1 to 3 hours. In addition, that is not balanced because you tended to explain about proportions of playing the games console. You could impress the examiner with exploring both matters.

I believe you can achieve the higher score if you want to expand your explanation.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Sport amenities as an optimal method of making the public healthier? [3]

Hi Duc. I am going to give you responds related your contents. I would not focus on your grammar.
First, you are supposed to understand the given statements well. I admit that your paraphrase is different with the original statement. That could reduce your score because it is related to task responses. In addition, your thesis statement (the last sentence of the first paragraph) has displayed that you would explain a different topic. Actually, you should concentrate on whether increasing the number of facilities is the best way or not.

For your body paragraph, you should directly show why you disagree that increasing facilities does not influence. At first glance, I thought you want to elucidate that the way works. I suggest that you directly mention and explore your idea. I meant that you show your reason and give an example in real life. Following this, please be careful of using a conjunction. There is a mistake in placing the conjunction. However, your conclusion is enough good because that could clearly represent what you explained in the body paragraph. It is simple, but you successfully paraphrase your opinion.

I believe you can write better if you wanna practice more and more..
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / [IETLS writing] In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing [4]

Hi Wang Gang..
I have read your essay closely and found a few improvement you have needed. Turning to your introductory paragraph, you should remove reasons about factors causing increasing older people because it is not important in your thesis statement. It is better if you mentioned why you said that the matter has brought detrimental effects on society. Focus on your prompts given.

Honestly, I really like your explanation of the first reason in the body paragraph. However, your second reason is irrelevant to the topic. You could not say that the number of young people declines because there is a statement about the issue. Please, you concentrate on increasing elder people. Your fourth paragraph also elucidated declining the young people. Your explanation is good, but you could not meet the task responses. Pay attention to the edge of statement and question given.

For your conclusion, your way to display is enough good. You only needed sharpening your understanding about the question.
I believe you can pursue the higher score on condition that you can get the points of the question. Practice more and more.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Should parents attend parenting training course? [3]

Hi Reza, I reckon you have needed improvements for finalizing your essay. Please meet my notes and review them so that you don't fall in the same mistakes.

1. Pay attention to delivering proper words. Besides, you have to know how to put the verb. For example, if you wanna use the word "join", you don't need preposition like "parents join to parenting training course". Well, you might wanna evade repetition, but you are supposed to consider the context of using those words. Keep in your mind that the lexical resource is the essential point, but you don't make another hole in using improper words.

2. For your thesis statement, you directly mentioned many advantages which you mean so that you can briefly describe what you will explain in the body paragraphs. You only required underline of those.

3. Be careful of using the conjunction because that can change the meaning. Make sure what you write is what you mind. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, you should pick up the word "so that", not to present "due to". Please, double check your sentences so that you can lessen your mistakes.

4. You created the compound sentences, but you forgot to place the conjunction. Besides, you made the so long sentence in the fourth sentence of the first body. Avoid that in order to make the good flow.

5. Actually, your big problem is your position. I have not found your position clearly in the essay. It's better if you state whether you agree or disagree. Focus on the question because that influences the task response.

Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your ability
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - the extensive use of computers in classroom, reduce the number of teachers [3]

Hi Vu, I will try giving you a few suggestions for finalizing this essay. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
First, you have missed one of the essential points in writing. The number of your words is less than 250 words. Keep in your mind that you are supposed to meet the requirement if you wanna get a high score. Your score will fall down due to this matter. Then, for your introductory paragraph, you successfully paraphrased the statement given. However, you needed to make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you should mention underlining of points what you would explain in the body paragraph. This is very important to describe briefly.

For your body paragraphs, you actually had great ideas elucidating the issue, but you required to expand your idea. You are supposed to strengthen your opinion with adding examples. Those can be extracted from personal experiences, articles or scientific facts. I really believe you can get the high score in the task responses on condition that you wanna sharpen your view. In the second body paragraph, it is clear that you had the good opinion about the matter, but you have to add extra supporting ideas in two opinions.

In the conclusion, I hope you add suggestions for the issue so that you can complete the paragraph. I remind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Hopefully, those my suggestion can help you ti improve your skill.

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The best way to solve the world's environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. [2]

Hi Mai, I have read your essay closely. I will try you a few suggestions.
First, if you wanna get a high score, especially in the lexical resource, you have to paraphrase the statement. You cannot put original words directly, but you create the statement by using your own words. After that, you should make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you briefly showed why you said that the solution is not effective. It's better if you give underline of what you review in the body paragraphs in this statement.

For your body paragraph, you need to strengthen your opinion. You have needed the supporting sentence and an example to develop your paragraph. Following that, your second body paragraph was also less strong. I suggest you explain one idea rather than you displayed multiple ideas. You tended to elucidate the importance of educating people about the problem. You are supposed to focus on prompts given. Lastly, you failed to create the conclusion. If you wanna write the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement where you show your position because the question obviously asks us to decide whether you agree or disagree.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / American TV shows vs broadcast foreign films [3]

Hi Itachi, I will give you a few suggestions. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.
Firstly, If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show your position in the thesis statement. It is clear that the prompt asks you to give your opinion after you review both perspectives. That is essential in the writing task 2 because you will show what are elucidated in the body paragraphs. For body paragraphs, you have to add supporting ideas for your second reason in the first body. That seemed like layman's opinion because you only mentioned that. In the essay, you cannot display solely, but you have to expand that. Giving the supporting sentences is the primary requirement for building the good paragraph. Actually, you also did that in the second reason in the second body. Your score will be reduced by examiners because you seemed listing your ideas, not to explain deeply. Please, you improve that to achieve the high score.

For your grammar, you are free of major errors. However, you should harness connetive devices for making your flow smoother. That encourage readers to understand your essay easily.

Pay attention to your conclusion as well. You need to paraphrase your thesis statement if you wanna show the conclusion. In addition, you can include suggestions in this case to meet the requirement in creating the good pargraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.

I hope those suggestion can finalize your essay. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. [3]

Hi William..
I have read your essay closely and found a few improvements you need. Firstly, pay attention to prompts given because as I am concerned, I think you unsuccessfully paraphrased the statement. The statement emphasizes the company's responsibility for the social environment. Based on your thesis statement, you would clearly explain your perspective which did not relate to the question. Before you start writing, make sure that you have found keywords in the statement so that you would review inside the side of the prompts.

Turning detail information to the first body paragraph, you tended to elucidate about the importance of getting money for the company. You showed reasons why that is important. Your explanation is a good job, but the question does not focus on that topic. You have to concentrate on the social responsibility. Honestly, you failed in the first paragraph. For the second body paragraph, you actually deliver the prompt briefly but in the second opinion. In the first sentence of that paragraph, you have explained another topic and seemed that it was out of the topic. After that, you also had major errors grammatically such as using verb agreement. Perhaps, that seems as small mistakes, but those can reduce your score on the condition that you do it more.

Hopefully, those suggestions can help you for improving this essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / How to produce bricks for building purpose [2]

Hi Reza...
Actually, your writing is a good job, but I will offer you a few improvements for finalizing this. It's better if you make the brick plural. I meant you write "to produce Bricks" because it obviously seems that this process produces many bricks. Following this, you got confused about using active and passive sentences. There was a passive sentence, but you write in the active sentence. IT IS STARTED FROM. Ensure yourself that what you wrote is what you mind.

I suggest you emphasize that there are two processes for forming bricks. It is essential for making the imperative timing in this manufacturing. After that, you can develop your second body paragraph. You can say that those bricks are put in the dying over for reducing the water in them. I think you should do it for adding words because the number of your words is close to the edge of the requirement. You are also supposed to mention detail information about the degree of temperature in those three steps.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / In the chart the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000) [2]

Hi Syamsiah, I will try giving a few suggestions for finalizing your essay.
First, be careful of putting information. Based on the table, this is the information in 2000, but you write 2002. You have to double check your sentences so that you can keep your score. For your overview, you are supposed to show proper information. It is better if you write "each person in Brazil consumed more than in Congo". You have to convert the data to the real information on condition that you can get a high score.


ACCOUNTED FOR...(WHICH WAS ACCOUNTED FOR)
Actually, there is a conjunction, but I omitted that so that it seemed like that.
When you review the data in the body paragraph, you should show the detail information. You only mentioned its changes but not to include the number. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Its reason is because that is one of the prompts given in the writing task 1. After that, your last sentence in the last paragraph is too long. That can break your flow and influence your coherence. You can separate it to create the coherence paragraph because the good paragraph consists of at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Criminalism and various measures to lower this anomaly [2]

Hi Restu, I have read your essay closely and a few problems in yours.
As we see, you presented an introductory sentence. However, you created the sentence with a clear grammar error. If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to impress reviewers in the first sentence. You made the basic grammar mistake, verb agreement. Please, double check your sentences to reduce your mistakes so that you accustom.

For your body first paragraph, on condition that I read this, I feel that that is not completed because you close your paragraph with an example. You should restate your opinion to strengthen your paragraph. It seemed the odd sentence because the reviewers have difficulty to get the point of the example given. In the second body paragraph, your flow is so messy. The reviewers will get confused because you explained your idea unsystematically. After that, you should harness proper linking words as well as possible so that you can guide the reviewer understand your essay.

Last, to make a conclusion, you restate your thesis statement in the last paragraph. Following this, you can add suggestions to complete your conclusion paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay

Writing Feedback / New medicines on the market at the expense of animals [3]

Hi Fiza, these below are my thoughts for finalizing your essay. Please, meet my notes and fix them.
Fiza, avoid using the word "feel" when you wanna show your perspective. That word is less convincing. You should use the words (suppose/ reckon/ think/ believe, etc). This I have found in your thesis statement of the first paragraph. After that, you failed to offer the example relating to your view in the first body paragraph. Your example tended to support an advantage of using animals for testing medicine. Be careful of delivering your example because it influences your coherence and cohesion for your idea.

I have also found a large number of grammar errors such as verb agreement. Besides, you also made misspellings. Please, double check your words. That is a minor error, but if you do more, that can reduce your score. You are supposed to provide a few minutes for correcting your grammar. Be aware of what you wrote. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Your position was not actually proper to be placed in the last sentence of the second body paragraph. That is not clearly coherence with your previous explanation. Its flow is enough bad.

If you wanna get a high score, please you show your conclusion clearly. You directly gave suggestions, but you did not restate your perspective and conclusion. This is one of essential elements for writing the essay.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your ability.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: A line graph describing waste production of three companies [4]

Hi Wong, I have a few useful suggestions for finalizing this writing.
First, make sure that you meet the essential requirement for writing task 1. You have to write at least 150 words. If there enables, you should writing words 160 - 175 words. Don't create the writing too long. Then, you are supposed to construct the good paragraphs. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. In the first paragraph, there consists of a paraphrase of the statement as well as an overview. The overview contains general trends occurring in the graph. Pick the attractive trends if you wanna get a high score for this case.

After that, it's better on condition that you create two body paragraphs. Thus, you have to consider making groups of your explanation. Before writing, you need time for analyzing. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Unfortunately, you did not do that in the above writing. Therefore, you should do brainstorming before starting.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Future IELTS exam preparation. The graph compares the number of visits to two new music sites on web [3]

Hi Hong, I have read your writing and will offer a fee suggestions for finalizing this.
Firstly, be careful of paraphrasing the statement. Honestly, you failed to paraphrase the question. It actually contains the information about the number of visits, not the number of people. I guess that is inappropriate because it is possible someone can access the music many times. Pay attention about the axis X and Y in the graph because it can decide how you should describe the data

After that, avoid detailed information in the overview because it can reduce your score. It is sufficient on condition that you present the interesting trend there. Exactly, that needs time so that you should provide your time less than 5 minutes for analyzing the data. It is paramount because this can decide the way you explain in the body paragraphs.

Keep in your mind that your task in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not display separately. You tended to present the data separately. Your sentences are enough good, but you passed one of the essential requirements. It is about the language of comparisons. In fact, the description without the comparisons is less attractive if you can find difficulty to reach the high secore.

Hopefully, my advice can improve your ability.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Where went majority of UK students since they finished their school? [4]

Hi Aini..
I have read your writing closely and will give a few suggestions. Firstly, you have to pay attention to form of paragraphing. I meant that to keep coherence and cohesion of this writing, you are supposed to make your grouping in this writing. It is better if you divided this writing into three paragraphs. In the first paragraph, you write the paraphrase of the statement as well as the overview. This overview is one of the important elements in the writing task 1 because that can give the general description the main idea in the body paragraphs. Because you are expected to fight with the time, you are supposed to write the overview in the introductory paragraph.

After that, please you picked up proper linking words to make your move smoother and reviewers can get what you mind. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in this writing is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. You have to do it on condition that you wanna get the score more than 6. I suggest you read more example of the writing task 1 so that you can get the essential points in the writing task 1.

Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing this writing.

Writing Feedback / Which media do you prefer? Why? 100-125 WORDS [2]

Hello Ismael, your sentences in this have needed improvement. If you wanna answer the question, please you don't give the answer directly. You can paraphrase the question first such as "There are plenty of media providing news throughout the world, but I tend to state that the Internet is the best medium". After that, you present supporting idea. This is essential because you have to explain why you stated like that. These will strengthen your opinion. It can make your sentences systematic. Following this, you can offer examples based on your personal experiences. These are able to complete your perspective and make your idea clearer. Besides, on condition that you build by using those three elements, it appears the good flow. In addition, you can give a sentence where you restate your view.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia [6]

Hi Anasta, I have read your writing closely and found a few errors which you should fix them.
Firstly, I have to admit that you have endeavored to paraphrase the statement in the introductory paragraph. However, you did not deliver proper words to describe what you mind. That is different with its meaning. Make sure that you write is what you mind. For the writing task 1, you don't need a conclusion. It is sufficient if you only include the overview. The conclusion is identical with the writer's perception.

After that, you have lost a few of your score for coherence and cohesion because you have shown inappropriate data. You can check your information in the first sentence of the first body. You only wrote one percentage although you mentioned two figures. In addition, avoid the words representing your perception. You have used the word "for instance". That is generally harnessed in the writing task 2. Your huge problem is delivering the proper words. Contents of this writing have created a bad flow because you placed the word inappropriately. Pay attention to this matter on condition that you wanna reach the high score.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task 1 - Inflow of Foreign Workers in Australia 1992-2001 [2]

Hi Muhammad Rinul, I have read your writing closely.Honestly, you have needed some improvements to finalize this writing.

Firstly, please double check information of the period. This is a circumstance for a 10-year period, not the 9-year period. It might seem a little problem, but this can reduce your score because you deliver the inappropriate data. Unfortunately, you did it in the first sentence. You are supposed to impress the reviewer in the first.

After that, the information of your overview is not appropriate. The overview is one of the essential elements in the writing task 1 so that you should aware of this element. Your overview did not cover the interesting trend as well. Following this, I suggest it is better if you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in making the good paragraph.

As I am concerned, it seemed that you tried to avoid repetition. However, you harness the inappropriate words in some sentences. It might have the same meaning, but the use of those words has the different context. Be careful of this matter since this can reduce your score in the coherence and cohesion.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your writing skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / What students did after leaving college, without job? Describing The Graph. [8]

Hi Syita, I have read your writing closely and found a few improvement you have needed.
Firstly, you have to afford to distinguish among kind of words. There was a word which you put a noun, but you located an adjective. That is a minor error, but it can reduce your score if you do many times. Following that, you are supposed to add the article "the" on condition that you wanna write a superlative word. Please, you deal with them to maximize your score.

After that, keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. You have to meet the requirement to create coherence and cohesion better. Apart from that, you have difficulty to achieve a high score. I only give you score less than 6 because you played safely. I suggest you make comparisons in the body paragraphs. However, there is more likely to list the data. You should compare the figures directly to reach the high score. One of the prompts in the writing task 1 is presenting comparisons.

Make sure that you have written the overview in the writing task 1 because it is essential to reach the good score. It can show the interesting trend which happens in the bar chart. You can write that in the introductory paragraph.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The percentage of students who studied at four types of secondary schools over a period of ten years [4]

Hi Anh, I have seen your writing closely and found a few improvements. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
For your paragraph structure, I think this is enough good. However, you should merge between your overview and paraphrase of the question in a paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph is expected to have at least three sentences. Following that, your problem in this writing is that you played safely. I meant you only describe the data separately without comparisons. Actually, candidates of IELTS are asked to compare figures, not to describe separately. You cannot get a high score if you do not do that because it is one of given prompts in the writing task 1. You are supposed t make your data more various. Those are displayed generally in the percentage, whereas you can convert to fraction form and use to compare other figures. Besides, be careful of misspellings. Well, that is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this

Writing Feedback / Should we help people from other countries ? [3]

Hi Linh, I have read your essay closely. I think this is a good job. However, I have a few suggestion for finalizing your essay.

Actually, you have constructed your essay systematically.You successfully have paraphrased the question given. Besides, you have shown your position clearly and given the short description about what you explained in the body paragraph. For your flow, I suppose that is good because I have known points of your essay and understood easily. You only need to fix your second body paragraph. In the thesis statement, you said that you disagree with the opinion and display your reason, your second body did not relate to prompt. You are supposed to concentrate on your reason why you said that we should not focus on our community. There was a topic which tended to explain how to help other countries. I have not found your logical flow in the second body to support your view in this case. I believe you are able to build the paragraphs better, but you don't leave the edge of prompts. On the other hand, you have to pay attention to delivering words. Please, pick up proper word to describe what you mind. It can affect your score in the indicator of the lexical resource.

To fix your problem, make sure that you have found all keyword in the prompts, including the minor keywords.

Writing Feedback / Life among the crowd or in a remote area? [4]

Hi Hoang, I have read your writing and found plenty of problems here. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
The biggest problem you face is to meet the essential requirement. This essay would get a lower score because it consisted of less than 250 words. If you can do it in the real test of IELTS, an examiner will be able to give you a penalty. Thus, you have to pay attention to this requirement. Following this, your thesis statement is no clear in the first paragraph. You are supposed to describe briefly what you would in the body paragraphs. That can help reviewers to get a general description.It is a good way to guide the reviewers to understanding this essay. It is sufficient to write a short sentence.

For your body paragraph, as I am concerned, you tended to list your idea. This is an essay so that you should explain systematically. Unfortunately, you mentioned that you are gonna review three benefits, but you only show two advantages. Please, you don't confess the reviewers about the beginning information in each paragraph. After that, you did not elucidate the negative effects as well. Your supporting sentences in two body paragraph are less strong. For grammar, avoid using a contraction in the formal writing and deliver proper linking words to create the good flow in this essay.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 writing British donating people [2]

Hello Amal, I have read your review in this writing. I found many improvements you need. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.

1. Be careful of picking a conjunction up. I think you make a mistake in delivering the conjunction at the first sentence. It's better you use the connector conjunction "and". Please, you double check your sentence to make sure that you write is what you mind. That really broke your sentence.

2. I suggest you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in writing a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Following this, your overview is less strong to describe attractive trends in the bar chart.

3. Avoid using a contraction (it's) in the formal writing. That is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.

4. Don't use the word "for example" because it seemed that you will give perception about the bar chart although it is prohibited in the writing task 1.

5. Believe me that you cannot get the high score in this moment because you forgot one of the essential prompts. You are supposed to present comparisons in this writing. I only wanna remind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe separately. Make sure that your writing has had that sense.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this writing.

Writing Feedback / The attendance of Higher education students in the class [3]

Hi Sriwidayani, I have read your writing closely. Turning to a detailed description, I have found you have needed a few improvement.
First, if you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show clearly what you will explain in the body paragraph. I meant you included the keywords of your perspective in your thesis statement. Avoid using layman opinion such as "this essay will review several justifications". Honestly, you got a big problem for your explanation in the first body paragraph. Yours seemed explaining a different topic. That seemed you compared between school and university curricula. Please, you focus on the topic. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Following that, you have still made a large number of minor errors grammatically. You still get confused clearly of usage of the article. There were problems of verb agreement. Well, those are minor errors, but they can reduce your score because you do it more.

For your conclusion, your statement confuses reviewers. Actually, you only need to paraphrase your thesis statement to figure out the conclusion. However, I personally think that your progress is good because you have got the basic pattern in writing the essay.

I believe you can master this section on condition that you wanna practice more and more