Writing Feedback / The pie graphs compare the proportion of average budget spent by household for 6 specific categories [13]

Hi..
These are my thoughts for your writing.

The pei PIE graphs compare the proportion of 6 categoriesof spending by homes OF AVERAGE BUDGET SPENT BY HOUSEHOLD FOR SIX SPECIFIC CATEGORIES IN a country between 1950 and 2010. It is clear that the majority number of expenditures by ...

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT A LEVEL OF EXPENSE FOR FOOD SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED THE BEGINNING POSITION OF EXPENDITURE FOR THE HOUSING CATEGORY. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF THE EXPENSE FOR THE HOUSING AND SCHOOLS DECLINED, OTHER FIGURES EXPERIENCED A REVERSE TREND. (These are my alternative overview)

Make sure that you write more than 2 sentences in a paragraph .

I have read your writing closely. I suggest you attend the comparisons amongst the figures to boost your score..
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / The process of heat released and energy used in a house related to air circulation system installed [2]

Hi Eka.
These is my perspective about your writing.


Actually, you have demonstrated your expert in the grammar. However, you really make the very complex sentence. I found that you have 4 conjunctions omitted. For the beginner, it will make readers confused. Avoid use many of omitting in one sentences.

THE DIAGRAM ILLUSTRATES THE PROCESS OF RELEASING HEAT AND USE OF ENERGY IN A HOUSE WITH INSTALLING AN AIR CIRCULATION SYSTEM.


You should write the verb agreement for plural noun.
OTHER AIR CIRCULATION DEVICES ARE A DOOR AND TWO WINDOWS.


Make sure that what you want to write is what you mind.
THIS FLOOR HAS TWO RECESSED LIGHTS LOCATED IN THE BATHROOM AND KITCHEN SEPARATELY.


APART FROM THAT, TO FULFILL ITS ENERGY


THE VENTILATORS MADE IN THE GROUND FLOOR.

Writing Feedback / Several leisure activities among children - IELTS Task 1 [3]

Hi Wahyu.
I have read your writing closely. Let me help you to finalize this.

The bar chart depicts a breakdown of percentage of boys ...
THE BAR CHART DISPLAYS THE PERCENTAGE OF SEVERAL ACTIVITIES FULFILLED BY THE CHILDREN AGED BETWEEN 5 AND 14 YEARS WHEN THEY HAVE FREE TIME. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT ALL OF PARTICIPANTS CHOOSE WATCHING TV OR VIDEOS TO SPEND THEIR LEISURE TIME. FURTHERMORE, WHILE THE MALE PARTICIPANTS COMMAND ALMOST ALL CLUSTERS IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, THE PERCENTAGE OF FEMALE SUCCESSFULLY TOOKS OVER THE POSITION OF THE BOYS IN THE ACTIVITIES OF ART AND CRAFT

You are supposed to compare the figures directly in the overview so that it highly attract readers to review the whole writing. One of essential factor in the writing task 1 is comparing the figures.

Keep Spirit..
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / You have just arrived in a new city where you are studying English - write letter to a friend [3]

Hi Dipa.
These are my suggestion to finalize your letter.

I settle in A camp OF English Studio.

I live with the landlady OF THE CAMP. Where FORTUNATELY, the owner of the house...
In there BESIDES THAT, the owner opened food stall.
I HAVE stayED in THE Davinci camp, the place WHICH is very comfortable, .
... many paintings that adorn the house, because the landlady'S HUSBAND is an artist.

Last week, I went to Malang city, I rode by RODING A motorcycle. The way FROM PARE TO MALANG is awesome because ...
... happy to visit the Malang city use WITH USING the motorcycle for the first time, and , ON THE ONE HAND, I am very enjoyed ...

Writing Feedback / Write a letter to the manager of the football club - IELTS WRITING TASK 1 GENERAL TRAINING [2]

Hi.
These are my thoughts about your letter.

... Yunio Dipayana Arane, I am , AND COME from Solo. I am writing WRITE this letter to apply (...) to obtain work experience in your club football (Avid repetition) THERE and . ON THE OTHER, I need more money for the necessities of life here FUNDING MY ACCOMMODATIONS .

I have the potential for the forward, and specialists as captain also AS WELL. when there is a match..
On the other ONE hand, I am now a HAVE WORKED AS THE football coach in ...

When the best day that I can start to the part-time job(Make sure you can meet the prompt of the question. You should describe detailed information about when you can start. I suggest you rewrite and make clear information) .

Hopefully, those above can help you
GOOD LUCK Brother

Writing Feedback / The increasing numbers of tourism sector have probably a negative effect for local people [2]

Hi ondemande.
I have read your essay closely. In this moment, I only focus on contents of yours because you have slipped from the track. Let me help you. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.


Honestly, you failed to paraphrase the statement. I found that what you write and the statement are the different meaning. pay attention to the prompt given. I'm really surprised since you explained the effect of the tourists. You are supposed to meet two opinions about whether the tourists follow local custom or inhabitants open with the others. You enough follow the prompts given so that you do not review out the topic.


In the first body paragraph, you should discuss reasons why some opine that visitors adapt the custom there, not giving solutions. Focus on the task response. This is out the topic.

The second body is out the topic as well.

Note:
Mister, when you wanna start writing, the first step conducted is to understand the task response asked. There are keywords which become the track so that you can review and explore your idea inside the edge of them. On condition that you commit like that again, you cannot reach the score more than 5. Please, mark my notes so that you can review in the next term.

I believe you can master this skill if you wanna provide more time to observe the examples of essays. trust me, you will find the sense of essay.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Undergraduate / My profile is interesting - I write about introducing myself [4]

Hi Praewpan.
Welcome to Essay Forum. Here are my thoughts to finalize your writing. Check them out..

Introduce INTRODUCING myself

First, My name is Praewpan Sangduan, AND you can call me Praew.
... School and I HAD studied about A PROGRAM OF English-Japanese program .
... in Faculty of Liberal Arts in field is English for communicate WITH USING ENGLISH IN LECTURE. Why I choose to be an A MAJOR OF English major. In my opinion because English HAS BEEN A subject that I love this subject since I was primary A student OF A PRIMARY SCHOOL. English language that is formal language.

... around the world use English for TO communicate that thing do you want with foreigners.
... but I had to go to work WORKING immediately.
... I want to be a fight FLIGHT attendant or work about ...
I live in Nonthaburi, and I round trip from(...) not live in A dormitory because I am a homesick.
I am ONE OF THE pet'S lovers, and my house ...
ItS name is "Tiger". I always listen TO music, when I ...

Note: You need to place linking words appropriately so that readers are not confused when your writing move from a topic to another topic.
Hopefully, those can help you
Good Luck,

Writing Feedback / In 1962, there was a limited public transport in the surveyed villages. [2]

Hi Riandi.
I have read this closely. These are my vantage points about your writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

The map illustrates Meadowside village and Fonton was(Here is a conjunction + be "WHICH WERE", but I omit that in order to show comprehension of the complex sentence) constructed in three periods; consist of 1962, 1985, and present. Over the period, the area witnessed dramatic changes.(Your overview is less stronger because it cannot cover all periods)

In 1962, there was a lot of PLENTY OF (Don't ever locate a lot in the formal writing) empty space and just the road was through Meadowside (...) the railway line passing PASSED Fonton. The following THAT period, Meadowside village was had major changes (...), and super store werecontructed CONSTRUCTED in this area. Besides APART FROM THAT, THE roads was WERE more bigger than before...

..., both areas was WERE expanding.

..., the most noticeable addition is THAT Forton and Meadowside were mergeD to be aN one area. Besides ON THE ONE HAND, THE village was changeD into ...

Then, there are three additional places WHICH consist of ...

... developed in front of THE artery road and across of THE station. Afterwards,THE station (...) with A train, and THE hotel is opposite the station.

Notes: I am going to describe my thoughts. You are supposed to review these below:
1. Make sure what you write is what you mind so that readers do not get misconceptions.
2. Verb Agreement
3. Keep in your mind that each sentence only has one main verb.
4. One of your major mistakes is misspelling. You should reread more times before you upload your writing so that you can minimize errors.
5. Harness linking words properly.
6. Use of the articles (A/An/The)
7. You have to make the overview covering general trend of all figures.

Mr. Riandi.
Please, you review those so that you do not fall the same mistakes.
I believe you can show the better progress if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.
As many as you practice, you will cut the time to be master in this skill.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / Formal Education for 4 Years Old Children - is it too soon? [3]

Hi Daya.
I am delighted to read your writing because you have shown better progress than previous terms. I have taken the basic structure in this essay of IELTS. In your introduction, you can paraphrase the statement well although you harness the simple words. I really appreciate that. However, to make your essay more meaningful, you are supposed to mention underline of your opinions about the prompt in the thesis statement. As we can see this---


you only describe the general statement where you stand out.

SUBSEQUENTLY, Earlier formal education such as ...

On the contrary IN THE CONTRAST, there are people who believe


You should find the stronger example to support your idea. A scientific fact can be taken as the sentence to call attention of the readers.

In the conclusion, you place recommendation to be the middle way of the matters. Besides that, keep in your mind that you each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

I strongly believe you will master this section on condition that you wanna practice more.
Keep spirit Miss.
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / A wind turbine component design and it's position on the an area [3]

Hi Aida.
I have read your writing task 1 closely. I am pleased to give you a few suggestions to finalize this. Please, meet my notes and tackle them.

The diagrams illustrate a wind turbine component ...
THE DIAGRAMS DISPLAY HOW A WIND TURBINE WORKS WITH INCLUDING ITS COMPONENTS AND LOCATIONS OF THE TURBINE TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY MAXIMUM. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE ESSENTIAL SUBSTANCES. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE TECHNOLOGY IS LOCATED ON AN AREA HIGHER, THE POWER OF WIND WILL BE STRONGER.


You are supposed to write what number of the components because you are in the body paragraph. There have to be detailed information.


ALL COMPONENTS OF THE TURBINE SUPPORT EACH OTHERS TO GENERATE THE ELECTRICITY EFFECTIVELY.


Be careful of misspelling. it is one of the major mistakes in the writing.


pay attention to verb agreement.

Miss, I really believe that you will be better in this skill the next term on condition that you wanna review a large number of examples of writing task 1.

Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

Hi Sony.
These are my thoughts to finalize yours

... turbine section model and its preferred stance position WHERE IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PLACED. The main fact that standING out is that although wind turbine ...(Actually, you have written overview well. However, you will boost your score if you mentioned the number of elements in the wind turbine. I am going to offer the alternative introduction)

THE PICTURES REVEAL HOW A WIND TURBINE WORKS WITH INCLUDING ITS COMPONENTS AND POSITIONS OF THE TURBINE TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY MAXIMALLY. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN OBVIOUSLY THAT THE FIGURE CONSISTS OF FIVE BASIC MATERIALS. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE DEVICE IS LOCATED ON LAND HIGHER, THE WIND IS GOING TO BLOW IT WITH MORE STRENGTHS.

... made up of following FIVE ESSENTIAL components, . first, blades ...
... transformed into electricity by A generator. Once the blade is rotated AND collects direction and angle information. Regarding to construction position, there are two ...
... place the turbine at A low level of elevation

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / A summary : Why ordinary people need to understand power [2]

Hi Eka.
I admit you are able to describe a summary well. This is free of the major errors. However, you still need reviewing more to achieve the excellent summary. I believe you can do it.

They think power is a terrible term that is had OWNED by a big company or government.
It is because I the past THE civics had been profound inequality IN THE PAST. Therefore, THE civics is ARE also important to make ...

Indeed, THE power is belonging to ...
They can do A positive action because ...
... and teach each other about THE civics in order to rebuild THE ordinary power worldwide.

Note: pay attention to use of the articles.

Writing Feedback / A wonderfull place of Inca's custom in Peru [3]

Hello Mr. Patta.
I ma delighted to read your summary because you have shown the better progress. I could get the points of this summary. Besides that, you have passed the major errors. Let me help you to finalize yours

An Archeologist Hiram Bingham that has BEEN founded in 1911. Overtime, Machu Picchu were famous of IN VIEWS OF travelers. It all buildings of THAT site whichwasWERE built from hard stoneS precisely. In site OF Machu Pichu nearby city of Cuzco IS around 30 kilometers. The traveler would reached it by transportation mode.

... in Machu Piccu mount offerING wonderful views; ...
The Inca trails were HAVE been tracking since ...
... the local government has published AN official rule to put a half thousand every one day to guide in the trail. The IN conclusion, Inca's custom offered ...

OVERALL, GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment [2]

Hi Aravindia..
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to improve your essay. Let me help you to finalize this. In this meeting, I wanna focus on contents of your essay. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.

You successfully have demonstrated your skill. Your introduction could describe essential information in the statement. I mean that you could paraphrase well. Readers also can recognize your position between agreement and disagreement. However, you are supposed to mention briefly why you say that. For example, IN MY VANTAGE POINT, I COULD STAND OUT THE AGREEMENT SIDE SINCE THE POLITICIANS CAN CREATE NEW RULES AND ARRANGE FUNDS FOR THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION.

Following that, you have to harness linking words properly so that your flow is better in this essay.

In fact, natural ecosystem protection should be done by everyone including politicians.

I think you can rewrite like this MY REASON IS BECAUSE NATURAL ECOSYSTEM.......

Turning to the body paragraph, you have needed the supporting sentences to strengthen your opinion. I am pleased if you wanna describe your opinion with writing multiple ideas. Nevertheless, you have to review deeply to explain your mind.


You should elucidate that statement to make readers believe. If you do not, it will seem like layman's opinion. I hope you can keep that advice.

Overall, it is A GOOD JOB. You can illustrate your view and opinions systematically. Trust me, you can get the higher score in this skill if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The ups and downs of 3 kinds of food ingredients in China for last 25 years [3]

Hi Rosa.
Please, meet my thoughts..


BETWEEN 1985 AND 2010
You should mention the timeline clearly. Don't make it vague.


If you wanna get the high score, don't explain detailed information in overview

This is the alternative overview:
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT FISH HAD BEEN ALWAYS THE MOST FAVOURITE, CONSUMED BY CITIZENS IN CHINA. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF SALT HAD FALLEN SIGNIFICANTLY, OTHER FIGURES HAD WITNESSED A REVERSE TREND.

I really believe you can the high score if you have a bravery to compare amongst the figures in the body paragraph. Keep in your mind that one of the prompts in writing task 1 is comparing the figures.

Trust me, you will master this skill. You only provide much time to practice more and more.
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The Impact of Divorce on Children [4]

Hi Fitri.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been one of the best webistes to improve your writing skill. I hope you enjoy it.
Let me help you to get a few suggestions.

Actually, in this moment, I would not correct your grammar. I wanna focus on your way to describe a summary. When you make a paragraph, make you sure that you have a clear topic. Honestly, your flow is not good. It will make readers confused. There ware some things which you call your attention. Firstly, keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences inside with the cleae topic. Secondly, you should harness linking words appropriately to make your summary can move from a topic to another topic smoothly. The first sentence in your summary is to introduce about the title of the discussion and the speaker. After that, you mention the topic presented by the speaker. However, you don't forget to include suppurting idea. In the last sentence, you give a conclusion of the presentation.

I really believe you can show the better progress in the term. You only need practice more and more..
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Logging industry needs supply from environment to deliver products which leads to the massive damage [2]

Hi Dila.
Welcome to Essay Forum. I am delighted to tell you that you have been a right medium to improve your skill. Hopefully, you can harness this as well as possible. In this moment, let me help you to finalize your summary.

Logging industry in particular, needs supply from THE environment ...
THE Environment such as rainforest is ...

ITS REASON IS BECAUSE The root OF TREES helps to protect the loss of fertile soil ...
Concerned with that SUBSENQUENTLY, construction for logging accesses ...

As a filter of the air pollutant, THE trees give myriads of
... soil has disrupted the viability of AN aquatic organism.

Note: Dila, honestly, I appreciate your summary. This is free of major errors. It looks that you are very serious to enhance your ability. However, there were a few things which you are supposed to make it better. Harness linking words appropriately because those can help readers to understand your summary. The linking word can make your idea move to another topic smoothly. Following that, you have to be sure that what you write is what you mind.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB IN THE FIRST TIME.
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / AMERICA DREAM - SUMMARY TED VIDEO [2]

Hi Riandi.
Let me help you to finalize this summary.

Riandi, based on the grammar, you can handle that. However, this summary is quite messy. You make this summary unsystematically. Make sure what you write is what you mind. Following that, you have to explain the topic clearly before you move to another topic. Readers cannot get the point of your summary because you reviewed the topic widely. You are supposed to one topic. After that, you elucidate with supporting sentences. Please, meet may notes and deal with them.

GOOD LUCK

..., 5 millions people have been living ...
they all need for A community and creativity (...) many of them in need of money to meet the ...
In this country HAS often SHOWN a gap between rich and poor PEOPLE. It is in the causes of the ITS REASON IS BECAUSE THE poor PEOPLE are lazy to go to work...

Writing Feedback / The result from a recent survey revealed the lack of geopolitical skills among American youth [2]

HI Kiky.
Welcome to Essy forum. I am pleased to tell that you have been the right medium to improve your skill. Let me help you to finalize your summary. Meet my notes and deal with them.

A surprising result WHICH (Keep in your mind that each paragraph only has one main verb. Don't forget to include conjunction.) comes from a recent survey ...

... they failed to respond on TO the currently fundamental issues; (...) young adults were eventually understand UNDERSTOOD how important it is to ...

Note: I appreciate your summary because you have striven to create this. However, you need improvement in this writing. I suggest you include proper linking words to make your movement smoother from the topic to the other. On the other hand, pay attention to verb agreement.

keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Top Takeaways from presidential candidates's views on Science - Laura Parker - Articles Summary [2]

Hi Fadhil..
I am delighted to read your summary. Honestly, it is good enough because this is free of major errors. In this moment, let me help you to finalize this.

The scientific questions are (Actually, here is WHICH ARE, but I omit that) asked to presidential candidates, who give unsatisfied answers ...
There are twenty in total questions that are prepared by over ...
... participants have various explanationS to answer them.

... and long-type answers which are mainly focus on (...), by setTING up the national treasures and protectING wildlife habitat ...
Besides APART FROM THAT, Donald Trump has his point of ...
... and Gary Johnson has DID not mentioned yet his answer.

Furthermore, the climate change is ONE OF the main issues, which ...
Donald trump believeS that THE water complication is the crucial homework needs WHICH HAS to be solved (...) some of the candidateS disagreeD about it. To sum up THEREFORE, those answers may somehow create ...

Please, make sure you meet my notes and review them.

Writing Feedback / Great increase of fish consumption in China from 600 grams/person/week in 1995 to 850 grams in 2010 [4]

Hi Bams..
These are my thoughts about your writing task 1. Meet my notes and review them.


Mr. Bams, I suggest you add one sentence in the overview. Each good paragraph has more than 2 sentences so that you can strive to create two sentences for the overview. This is my alternative overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT FISH HAD BEEN ALWAYS THE MOST POPULAR, CONSUMED BY CITIZENS IN CHINA. MOREOVER, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF SALT HAD FALLEN MARKEDLY, OTHER FIGURES HAD WITNESSED A REVERSE TREND.

On condition that you wanna get the score more than 6, you have to make comparisons amongst figure. One of essential elements to achieve the high score is answering the prompt about the comparison of the figures.

I have counted words in this. In fact, its number is on 150 words. Be careful because it is at edge of the number of words. I suggest you strive to write the writing task 1 170-185 words. It will seem that you limit ideas. I believe you can develop that in the next term.

There were intresting INTERESTING phenomena showed by THE chart, In 2010 THE fish consumption dramatically increaseD approxiamtely BY APPROXIMATELY 250 850 from 600 in 1995, while THE salt consumption decreaseD in 2010 around 200 and meat consumption improve GREW TO 200 in 2010.

Salt consumption constant declined years -by-years from 480 in 1985 to 200 in 2010, it was showed THAT china's citizens ...
Meat consumption double improves ESCALATED from 100 (...) it was descr ibed people in china ...

Pay attention to misspelling..

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / After Africa's Sahara Desert, the next great desert is Taklimakan Desert [2]

Hi Rosa..
This is my vantage point about this summary

... Desert which the ITS width can be ...
In an intolerable area which the ITS temperature is unstable and changeS dramatically, have HAS a high saltine (...), SO the plants can probably found FIND only at a transitional zone where ...

An array of plants who WHICH thrive in such conditions include (...) Alhagi sparsifolia have HAS been defending with ...
The coping methods are IS (Its verb agreement refers to COPING) ; drawing in as much ...

Note: Rosa, you have shown positive progress. I believe you can master this skill if you wanna improve some notes. Pay attention to Verb Agreement. I have seen that you get confused when you face between HAVE and HAS. On the one hand, you have to remember that the MODALS always pair with V1. Apart from that, you are supposed to review your summary more and more before you upload to make you what you write is what you mind. I cannot find the way to understand the last sentence in this summary because you created the complex sentence, but you slipped the actual meaning.

Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCk

Writing Feedback / Many birds migrating very long distances to breed and feed their youngsters [3]

Hi Bams.
These are my thoughts for finalizing your summary


where is your main verb? Mr. Bams, you are supposed to remember that each sentence has to have one main verb.


This is messy enough. You have to keep the meaning of original resource.
THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF THE MIGRATION, THE TIME FOR BREEDING AND FEEDING NESTLINGS.


Avoid repetition. For MANY, you can use (a large number of, a great number of, plenty of ). Make it variation.

Bams, you should review more and more your summary before you upload to make what you mind is what you mind. Sometimes, I cannot get the point of your summary

keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The incredible trips of Bird Migration [4]

Hi Mr. Patta.
These are my suggestions for your summary.

According to A passage, migration is commonly movement ...
THE Birds WHICH do migration has HAVE responded to the biological ...
The most of birds' migration take place ...
Approximately amount six to eighth EIGHT hours

Note: I am surprised when I read your summary. Honestly, you have shown the better progress. This is free of major mistakes. It is an amazing change. However, I suggest you a few to improve your skill. You should harness proper linking words to guide readers from the topic to another topic. Besides that, you are supposed to reread some times to make sure that like your mind. It can help you to correct verb agreement before you upload.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Men are more likely to sign up for the fitness membership, than women - according to the bar chart [3]

Hi Aris..
These are my thoughts to finalize your writing. I hope these can help you to improve your skill.


REGISTERING AS THE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP BASED ON GENDER FROM 1970 TO 2000.
(You should mention essential information like the gender because you will review detailed in the body paragraph.


THE MALE MEMBERS SUCCESSFULLY BROKE A RECORD AS THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF THE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP.


IN THE BEGINNING PERIOD, THE RATE OF THE MALE MEMBERS COMMANDED AT 2,000 PEOPLE WHILE THE FEMALE ONLY STATED AT A HALF AS MUCH.

If you wanna get the high score, you are supposed to compare amongst figures. One of the task responses for writing task 1 is comparing the data so that it seems interesting to be reviewed.

I am sure you have been able to show the better progress if you practice more and more.
As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you can get the sense of that.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The least popular transportation chosen by the workers is cycling or walking [4]

Hi Kiki.
These are my thoughts about your writing. In this moment, I only focus on content of your introduction. I hope you can meet my notes and deal with them.


You should paraphrase this because this is identic with origin statement.
THE TABLE REVEALS HOW CITIZENS IN HOUSTON GO TO WORK BASED ON SOME GROUPS OF AGE. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE LEVEL OF EMISSIONS RELEASED BY A FEW TRANSPORTS IS PRESENTED IN THE BAR CHART.

You should offer the overview of your writing in the first paragraph. The overview is one of essential elements in the writing. Due to having limited time, you are supposed to write that in the first paragraph. You cannot get the score more than 6 if you do not write the overview.

This is the alternative overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT ONLY FEW TRAVELLERS WALK OR CYCLE GOING TO A WORKPLACE, WHILE THE CARS WITH HAVING ONE PASSENGER BECOME THE MOST POPULAR AS THE TRANSPORT TO TRAVEL TO OFFICE. ON THE ONE HAND, OWING TO REACHING THE HIGHEST RATE, THE CARS HAVING A DRIVER SOLELY AND NO PASSENGERS GENERATE THE EMISSIONS WITH THE GREATEST PROPORTION.

You are able to achieve the higher score on condition that you have a bravery to compare the figures. There is the statement that one of the task responses is comparing the data.

As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you can understand better and get the sense of the writing task 1.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK.

Writing Feedback / Contrasting of energy production in France between 1995 and 2005 [2]

The pie charts shows compareS kinds of energy THE PERCENTAGES OF FOSSIL FUELS PRODUCED in Ff rance between 1995 and 2005 in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1995 ADN 2005. Overall the highest energy had been coal and the lowest was other steam. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE RATE OF THE PETROLEUM DECLINED CONSIDERABLY IN THE LAST TIMELINE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF OTHER FIGURES EXPERIENCED A REVERSE TREND IN THE SAME PERIOD. FURTHERMORE, THE COAL STILL BECAME THE ENERGY PRIORITIZED.

According TO THE charts, THE highest type potency IN both years was coal, REPRESENTING VIRTUALLY AT more than a third OF THE PROPORTION , while the minority was other sources ONLY at 4.90% ONE-SIXTHS AS MUCH. The highest in 1995 was coal, less than a third ONE-THIRDS (Avoid repetition) and the smallest RATE was nuclear at 6.40%...

That above is a good job because you have got the point of prompts. I appreciate your effort because you have been brave to make comparisons amongst figures.

As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you are going to understand key points of the writing task 1. I really believe you can find the sense of writing task 1.

You can master this quickly on condition that you wanna need much time to practise more and more.

Writing Feedback / Successful performance is not merely physics, it's also a multitude combination of supporting skills [3]

Hi Dhyla..
These are a few suggestions for you to finalize this summary
Check my notes and deal with them

... merely about physical predictors, BUT (you cannot merge some sentences without the conjunction) it also about a multitude ...
One significant skill can be refers REFERRED to visual ability.

THE Peripheral vision enables the athletes ...
THE Peripheral vision involves the ability ...
A simple example of THE peripheral vision (...) and stay bringING to notice the position of ...

Note: This is a good job. I really appreciate your effort because this is free of the major errors, and I can get the points. However, you are supposed to reread more times before you upload the summary so that you are able to reduce your mistakes.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Five - second rule revealed (summary) [3]

Hi Husnul..
These are my thoughts to finalize your writing. Please, you meet my note and tackle them


EVERYONE
Be careful of misspelling. That is one of the major mistakes in writing. Besides that, you should give introduction before you review the contents of the article which you have read. For example:

THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ARTICLE PUBLISHED ON news.nationalgeographic.com IN SEPTEMEBER 2016. ITS ORIGINAL TITLE IS................................

food or plenty of bacteriA WHICH attack it. All moms over the world seems to teach their children to ...
... no scientific explanation about FOR it.

According to BASED ON A RESEARCH FOUND BY A food scientist, Paul Dawson, how fast (...) depends on the kinds of the surface which is hit and the food itself.

This can be improved on condition that you harness linking words properly. The linking words will help readers to understand the summary better. It also helps readers to move from the topic to another topic. I believe you can show the positive progress if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep Spirit
GOOD JOB..
^_^

Writing Feedback / Writting Task 1 the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in ten years [2]

Hi Shandy..
I am delighted to read your writing. In this moment, let me help you to finalize yours. These are my notes. I hope you are able to deal with them.


IS DEPICTED IN TWO PIE CHARTS..
you are supposed to use simple present because you explain a fact.


MEANWHILE, ONLY THE PERCENTAGE OF PETROLEUM
In the writing, you have to harness proper linking word to make it interesting. Apart from that, keep in your mind that each paragraph has to have at least 3 sentences. I suggest you include the overview in the introduction paragraph. It will seem more systematic.

The biggest HIGHEST (avoid using the biggest in the writing task 1 because it generally is written in the task2 ) production of energy was presented ...

... illustrated an upward trend, the different position REVERSE TREND was shown by petro. Instead, It plunged considerably TO approximately 10 percent (...) it was almost THE same figure as THE gas having the enormous rise.

Overall. Good Job
Keep spirit
Happy Writing
---------------

Writing Feedback / Athletes are obliged to train their skills and focus not only to the muscles or body movements [4]

Below are my view about your summary. Check it out

... their skills and focus ON not only to the muscles or body movements but also to the rapidity and accuracy visual. The rapidity and accuracy visual is ARE an imperative activity ACTIVITIES needed to support the performance ...

... called as peripheral vision, which is an area WHICH looks indistinct at the time WHEN we focus to ON a point.
... be able to focus to ON a THE point and scan the peripheral ...
Even a blinking action interfereS the athlete's focus (...) getting anxious, because it creates ...

Note: You have to pay attention to collocation for verbs. Focus relates to ON, not to. It can know and memorize naturally if you always read the articles. As many as you read them, you can enrich your vocabularies. I appreciate your effort because you have known importance o the conjunction. However, you have to understand meaning of your sentences well so that you can recognize where the conjunction is located appropriately.

OVERALL, YOU HAVE SHOWN THE BETTER PROGRESS. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ENDEAVOUR. KEEP FIGHTING.
HAPPY WRITING

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - in some countries, secondary schools aim to [3]

Hi Rosa.
See u again. In this moment, I will review contents of your writing. Let me help you. Please, you detect my notes and deal with them

Turning to the introduction, you have only written a sentence in a paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Actually, you can explore your idea to describe the statement of text above. Besides that, you can include your position about those two perspectives.


MEANWHILE, THERE IS AN OPPOSITE OPINION THAT THE SCHOOLS.................. BASED ON COMPARING THE OPINIONS, I AM LIKELY TO DECIDE THE GOAL WANTING TO BE ACHIEVED.


please, you avoid the linking word twice.


You don't move explaining another topic if you don't review the previous topic yet. It has needed the supporting statement to strengthen your opinion. If you don't, it will seem like a layman's opinion.


Avoid using he/ she in the writing. It will make your writing seem informal.


Pay attention to the collocation of your verb. FOCUS ON.
I have found that you frequently have fallen the same mistake.


A VALUABLE EXPERIENCE


be careful of using comma or period. It is supposed to be comma.


DEPENDS ON--------------whether---------- V1+s


CREATES ---------(Verb Agreement)


THE CULINARY WORLD


BOTH OF THE APPROPRIATE SYSTEMS


DISTINGUISH. Make you sure what you write is what you mind.
In the conclusion paragraph, you are supposed to write the suggestion to be a consideration for the readers

I really believe you will show the better progress next term
Keep spirit
Good LUCK

Happy writing
------------------

Undergraduate / "How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply?" - Essay Qustions [2]

Hello..
These are my thoughts about your grammar

... colleges I was about 12 YEARS OLD. Obviously I didn't DID NOT (Avoid using contractions in the formal writing) know a lot about (...) in a college, (Do not put comma) but I was fascinated by...

But HOWEVER, (Here should be a linking word) I soon found out that Rice ...


That is really complex so that readers get confused to get the point of meaning in your writing.

I'm I AM mostly looking forward to ...
The tour guide, while she wasn't WAS NOT an architecture major herself...
I feel like that's THAT IS awesome that others from all ...
They also were helping each other out and while I'm I AM sure they were a little ...

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary of TED Old books reborn as art (Brian Dettmer) [4]

Hi Ifan.
Here are my few suggestions to finalize your summary.

An obsolate OBSOLETE book could be engraved become ...
Brian Dattmer, An Chicago'S artist and sculptor, (...) his first creation which is(You should omit those) called "Allternate route to knowledge". According to his justification, he have HAS (Verb Agreement) simply collected either fascinating ...

Furtheremore FURTHERMORE, he sealS the edge of it with a thick vernish VARNISH ​to make it solid ...
Many kindS of books which have been craved (...) artwork such as THEbook of Raphael'S paintings who is WHICH HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY A Renaissance artist, THE traditional books, ensiclopedia ENCYCLOPEDIA, THE mechanics book, and even THE dictionary.

... perfectly formed by utilizing A knife and hold it by clamps and ropes.
... books have been trasformed TRANSFORMED into perfect art.

One of the major mistakes is misspelling. Please, pay attention about that.
I really believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna need much time to practice more and more.
Keep spirit
Good Luck.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED Willie Smits: Samboja Lestari [4]

Hi Fajeri.
These are my thoughts about your summary.

Samboja Lestari is a small village, located on the East coast of Borneo, about 35 km FROM north of ...
Samboja Lestari, East Borneo, IS(Make you sure that you have one main verb in a sentence) one of the places for ...
... babies in Samboja Lestari but it is ARE(Pay attention to verb agreement) horrible because it is proof of CAUSED BY our failing FAILURE to save them in the wild.

... for western countries is what is causing CAUSES these problems. When THE deforestation was (...), it will be creating GENERATING CO2 volcanoes that are emitting so much CO2.

Note: Be careful of verb agreement because it is essential in grammar measurement. Besides that, make you sure what you write is what you mind. Focus on the meaning of the original article or video.

I really believe you can show the better progress on condition that you wanna provide more time to practice again and again

Writing Feedback / Some editors have a great deal of consideration before broadcasting news on television or newspaper [5]

Hi Aris Indra.
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I wanna focus on contents of yours. Check it out my notes.

I really appreciate your effort to describe an introduction paragraph. You can paraphrase the statement successfully. I only add a few words to make it clearly

However, I believe that the good news should be much more reporting than the bad news by THE EDITORS IN THOSE TWO MEDIUMS.
Why I mentioned two mediums is because you can review reasons why the editor has to do that on the television in the first body paragraph and the newspaper at the second body. Following that, you can include your position or opinion at the last sentence in each body paragraph. It is well-known as a concession.

Actually, you can directly describe both in one paragraph. However, if we see the statement detailed, there is a word "AND" ( what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers). It is a minor keyword to decide the edge of your explanation. Keep in your mind, on condition that you wanna get score more than 6, you are supposed to address all parts of the task.

Apart from that, you should harness linking words properly to make your flow in the essay well. For example,


CONSEQUENTLY, when the news...
It can help the readers to get your flow. Pay attention to the proper transitive words

Overall, you have demonstrated the positive progress.
Practice more and more.
You can master this more and more.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The brief life of Circus from ancient world in Romans [4]

Hi Mr. Fatta.
I am delighted to read your summary because you have demonstrated the positive progress. I really appreciate your effort. In this moment, let me finalize yours.

We HE was A skilled rider who invented stunt ...
... acrobats, and a parade of trained TRAINING animals.

Note: Make you sure there needs to Infinitive or gerund. For example

trained animals

, it is actually converted to gerund or you write noun.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Your Body is My Canvas [6]

Hi Alam..
These are my thoughts for your summary.

Painting is the kind of art that usually painted S (You are supposed to be consistent for using the same tense. This is a fact and here should demonstrate simple present)the an object on the a canvas (Object and Canvas you mind are general things. You cannot include article "the" if you did not mention the previous sentence) . But HOWEVER (here you should write a transitive word) , there is a new method that painted TO PAINT (Make you sure what you write is what you mind) directly on top of the object, ...

It skipS (VERB AGREEMENT) the canvas, so it needS to paint PAINTING all of the body of AS THE object: ear, feet, clooth CLOTH that used by THE object. (You need comma, not period) And make it fully ...

In this way, it be IS able to take a three-dimensional ...
It cameS up by A new idea from a woman ...
... found when she IS so exCited and fascinated by light and shadow. That is A REASON why she have HAS an idea to combine ...

Note: I hope those can help you to improve your skill. As many as you practice, you will master that as soon as possible.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Online sales in retail sector between 2003 and 2013 [4]

Hello Mrs. Dhyllah
Here are my thoughts for yours. check it out
The pie chart presents INFORMATION about the percentage of e-commerce sales which was sold by retailer between 2003 and 2013


It actually did not describe as the fluctuation trend. Be careful to decide the condition of the figure. Your score can fall down if it does not give description appropriately. I offer an alternative overview.

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IN THE ONLINE SHOPPING IS SHOWED BY THE SECTOR OF FILM AND MUSIC. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGES OF BOTH BOOKS AND THE FILM SALES WITNESSED A MARKED INCREASE, THE OTHER SECTORS DECLINED CONSIDERABLY.

You are supposed to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. You can separate overview to 2 sentences to comply that.

Turning to the body paragraph, you have not succeeded to cover all of the prompts. Actually, your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures. However, you play safely. You only described one by one figure. Well, you can get the point, but the high score will be difficult to be obtained. Make you sure that you can pass that before you upload.

I suggest you read the examples. As many as you read those, you will master this as soon as possible.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The Survey of Electronic Commerce in Four Main Parts In New Zealand During a Decade [2]

Hi Hikuma..
Here is my view to finalize your writing. Meet them and tackle. Check it out.


You cannot say that it is as a survey because there is a note that all information are got from the survey. Be careful of determination wrong. Actually, you can write like this below.

THOSE ARE OBTAINED FROM CIRCUMSTANCES IN TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 2003 AND 2013.


Avoid mentioning the percentage in the overview. It is going to seem as detailed information.

This below is the offering overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IN THE ONLINE SALES WAS REVEALED BY THE SECTOR OF FILM AND MUSIC. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGES OF BOTH BOOKS AND THE FILM SALES EXPERIENCED A SUBSTANTIAL INCREASE, THE OTHER SECTORS DECLINED MARKEDLY.

A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you failed to get all prompts. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not listing the data. You managed the data safely. Actually, you have to group the data to be guided to comparisons. These below are the examples.

INITIALLY, THE FIGURE OF THE TRAVEL SUCCESSFULLY COMMANDED THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, REPRESENTING MORE THAN A THIRD OF THE TOTAL. MEANWHILE, A RECORD AS THE LOWEST PROPORTION WAS BROKEN BY THE SECTOR OF THE BOOKS WHEREAS IT STATED VIRTUALLY A FIFTH OF ALL SELLING.

Hopefully, it can help you to enhance your ability.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK