Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Aviation Emissions Are Next Target in Fight Against Climate Change [3]

A conference in Montreal will be held this week to invite all negotiators from around the world discussing and composing a framework to limit future aviation emissions. .... will be held this week inviting all negotiators from all around the world to discuss and compose a framework of future aviation emissions...


no verb . it is also a hope of all citizens ......


you may write 'invitees' to avoid mentioning 'negotiators' several times

All of those planS can not stand alone, .....
Many airlines companies also hope for
Although , this stemming emissions (...) a difficult task, however all...... [redundancy]
..... support and hope

repetitive

. All in all, all of these agreementS address to keep global ...
In the other wordS , all residentS around the globe expect the authority commitment to fight climate ...

still need to concern on several minor issues, especially in accuracy. lexical resource also needs to enhance while just like the word form chosen

Writing Feedback / The most dangerous catastrophe in America [3]

Obesity has become [using present perfect] the number one of killer [what killer? you may need to say'killer disease' ] that giveS rise to death. pay attention in some basic grammatical rules, particularly subject+verb agreement or singular/plural issue

Bad lifestyle, less aware are the things cause this situation.bad lifestyle and less awareness about healthiness are the causes of this situation.

poor paragraphing and coherence. you need to train to compose your summary in form of one or more paragraph with a good flow/coherence rather than mention sentence one by one


most of pupils and adult American citizens do not care about what they eat while their dietary consists mainly by fast foods

The fact is, all of food they eat havinghave been highly processed, lack of freshnessfood , contain additives, and not enoughless veggies. Andasthe result, they shouldmight spend much money ...

,... sooner they will get healthy.

Some horrible cases happened in pupilsstudents , the horrible things are since they did not know ...

attach the link of article you summarized or do not change the article title so that we can also read the source

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Changing the Face of Fashion By Mariah Idrissi [6]

When she is chosen as a Hijabi model, a model who[repetition] wearing veils to cover ...

you may write : when she is chosen as a Hijabi model wearing veils to cover her head and her hair in order to represent the way a muslimah gets dressed, ......

How do you feel?, how is your parent's [...] bizarre questions she deals with.

[i]this just like shopping list, you mentioned each questions even it is not to subtle to do so. indeed, you can add more important facts to make your summary more valuable and informative

in the rest of your summary, it just shown less minor errors while you had composed it well using a mix of simple and complex structures. good luck and keep writing

Writing Feedback / Rebecca MacKinnon: We can fight terror without sacrificing our rights [2]

there are still some similarities between your work and the source vocabulary that mean you still need to show efforts in how you make summary by relying and enhancing your lexical resource.


wrong and confusing statement. by your writing, reader may grasp that what you mean is that Rebecca had worked on several profession before. in fact, what she mean on her speech is that she has worked with many people with different occupation background


completely same words with the source. what you did can not classified as summarizing. you only copy paste several important facts without even change the words. this will not build your writing and reading comprehension

the same case happened at the rest of your writing. Thus, there is no importance for me to give feedback on yours since i can conclude that this writing is not yours.

by reading, paraphrasing, and summarizing, you will have a chance to enhance your reading and writing skill at the same time. unfortunately, you just miss the opportunity. good luck

Writing Feedback / What happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain [4]


extremely complex and complicated to force it becomes only a sentence
you may write:
A write blogger who became a speaker on TED VIDEO talked about what happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain. Tim Urban, what he called, explained that there are two kinds of procrastinators in the world.

Those are someone who procrastinates something until the deadline times comes closer and someone who postpones something for a long time because there is no a deadline for the thing he is delayed in life.this style of writing would not reduce the quality of your work while those sentences are still in complex form. indeed, it makes your writing easier to comprehend. this is what matter in effective communication

A large number of characteristics of a procrastinatorprocrastinator's characteristics can be clearly seen in his brain, such as a tendency to enjoy a pastime, .......

The procrastinators [repetitive. instead of looking for synonym of certain words to avoid repetition, you may simply just mention its definition] like to delay ......

Writing Feedback / A record audience is expected to watch tonight's presidential debate [3]


this is your sentence. on the article it is written:
SOME 100m people are expected to tune in to the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump tonight......i can tell how similar your own sentence with the source. need to learn how to paraphrase more instead of only change some words.

again, this is from the article:The first televised debate, between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon in 1960, was watched by 70m people.while you wrote:


According to kennedy[capitalization issue],
the debate was the condition to find out and breakthrough. [to find out what? incomplete information]

Nixon was estimated by listeners of radioradio listeners to bethe better candidate, who the best candidate for the US Citizens.despite of repetitively mention the same words, why do not you just write : ....to be the better candidate for the US citizens

He regulateD a rule of.....

After that[need comma] the pattern of the debate this candidates used again in 1976.

Recently, the debate as the center of president campaign. =no verb

Writing Feedback / How to make work-life balance work by Nigel Marsh [2]

Nigel Marsh lays out [explained/highlighted/pointed out/came up with an idea about/described/spoke, etc. use past tense since it just a video recording that you watched, not a live broadcasting ] about day balance day between work, personal time and productivity.

People sometimes forget aboutcreating quality time with their family ever their self because they have spent more time inas labor.

People[repetitive]need realistic they cannot spare ... =they need to be realistic that they should not completely allocate their time on working and then find the true meaning of life indeed, he said.

People need balance in life.= a balance in life is a pivotal thing.

Marsh suggestED to focus on drawING or mapING life to be knowingconsciousofabout reality.

When persons spend time to workplace for example ...confusing sentence, please concern about the sense and function of your sentence in regard to what information that you want to deliver

Those activities waste people [...] believe that it is possible.

it is evident that you should revise your summary. please bear in mind and pay attention on my suggestions, corrections, or alternative sentences so that you will not make the same mistakes next time. good luck

Writing Feedback / The best speaker must be able to present HAIL - honestly, authenticity, integrity, love [2]


instead of wrote those as two simple sentences, you may enhance your work by writing:
speaking is vital part of communication in order to influence audience thus there are several points that should be avoided when speaking

This is because many people have consider to speak and listen what other said.
confusing sentence, poor coherence. you may want to say:
all of that aspects should be concerned on speaking since most of people tend to speak dominantly without trying to listen more on what others said. [remain me, if my point of view, or the idea of this alternative sentence is wrong]

Based on the speaker [need comma] , many way to be best speaker that were HAIL. = there are several ways people can develop to enhance their speech named HAIL.

It wasis stand for H " honestly" in which speaker should be honest about the topic. Thanthen A " authenticity" means that content is real not make up mind,

...... the next is I " integrity", speak with integrity do not make combat. The last is L " love", speaker should speech by feeling. Those are way to get good speaker and response from audience.should concern about accuracy and coherence here

for the rest of your summary, please revise it! concern about some suggestions and corrections that i and other contributors gave you. good luck on your writing

Writing Feedback / Anthony Goldbloom's new perspective on what machines can and can't do [4]


you may more effectively write :......a company which operates the cutting edge learning machine and .......

This gives them, especially for him as an expert on that company , a new perspective on what machines can and can't do, then finds[this verb should be refer to subject 'them'] out what jobs they ...

He started to reveal that machine learning = learning machine isn't just for simple tasks (...) sorting mail anymore, as like in early 90s.

Today, it'sit is[avoid contraction in writing] capable of far more complex applications, like grading high-school essays, andwhile the most challenging ...

The data hashave clearly shown that (...) performance at all the tasks like these.programmed

... we have no change to competingE against machines, however there are

overall, you have shown good progress in writing. good luck

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: Everything You've Heard about Alcohol being Good for You is a Lie By Elizabeth N [3]


from the structure or function, since you wrote 'as' in the beginning , you still need to add information in this sentence. or, you may write :

as The American Heart Association states that alcohol can raise good cholesterol, provide the body with antioxidants, and reduce blood clotting that can lead to heart attack or stroke, it can be conclude that alcohol consumption is good for health.

or
according to The American Heart Association, alcohol can raise good cholesterol, provide the body with antioxidants, and reduce blood clotting that can lead to heart attack or stroke


this statement refers to? is it refer to Mediterranean diet? because if not, it will be confusing since readers would examine that American Heart Association statement is reliable data....

In fact, there isare no reliabledata[= plural] regarding to this controversial situation.
Therefore, be aware of what you hearT !
keep your heart healthy!
keep your heart!
be aware means to 'avoid' heart just like you say 'be aware of dog'

overall, you have shown a good writing with less minor errors. good luck

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Forget Multitasking, try monotasking by Paolo Cardini [2]

According to merriam webster [capitalization issue ] dictionary, multitasking is the ability ...

... on monotask project and urgeS the audiences to do so.
For example, down grade smartphone into a very basic function or enjoy beautiful Venice using monocompas rather than retrieving lots of information from GPS.for example/for instance is followed by s+V. this sentence is not complete yet

In extreme ways, we can also consider to turn off our digital life completely. [incomplete information. need to give additional explanation]

To close his speech, Paolo emphasisED that in a world (...) lot of possibilities, he encourage the audiences need to find their own monotask.

you have made only few minor errors in your summary shown. however, you still concern on some errors, particularly in repetition issue
good luck

Writing Feedback / GPS Accuracy in Australia versus moves of tectonic plates in America [5]


confusing sentence. = at this moment, Australia continent has shifted


it is a common phenomenon which is also happening in America and others continent


to illustrate, Australian plate has shifted about 2.7 inch in a year just as America, according to a report form Times

According to the director of the carthography[spelling ] national geographic, damien saunder,[capitalization issue] America has faster moving of otentonic plate than others land by approximately three to four inchis[spelling] a year. This ensue influence[double verb] to accuracy of coordinate GPS andwhile cellphones don't ...

It is the aim to get accurationaccurate coordinate with high technology.

at all, you need to concern on some basic grammatical rules in writing, also the sense or function of your sentence

Writing Feedback / A Fuel Tanker Fire in Mexico's Gulf Coast [5]


capitalization issue, it is a name of a company.

successfully andwhiletheythose [refer to firefighting boats, not firefighters ] had to use chemical ...


only 'victims' is unclear. it could mean 'something' or 'somebody', you need to directly state human victims for example

... the authority set off inquiring questions related to the factors causing the fire in the vessel . In a fact, .....

at all, it seems that you already have a passable writing skill since you have structured your sentences well. However, you are still need to learn and enhance your proficiency on writing, particularly, by concerning your word chosen for example. besides, i realize that this article is too easy to summary, you just even only to paraphrase it, since it is too short. try to summary the larger or more complicated one

Writing Feedback / Going to Mars Could Mess Up the Hunt for Alien Life [3]


America made a great celebration of its independence day by properly landing thousand rovers on the surface of Mars in twenty years ago

pay attention in the using of appropriate tenses as the timepiece of events


the first touch down was Pathfinder spacecraft in northern-lowland called Planitia on ...... which carried a small ......

... of stowaways in the form which has been similar as microbes in Earth.
... it would be not easy to susatinspelling and cultivate life on Mars. [need more explanation why scientist claimed like that with regard to those organism findings ]

The facts currentlyrecently , the scientistS have pointed out more (...) March as unsustainable planet for earth organism to survive.

.... C onley had faceD several difficulties in job to keep Mars[keep from what?]and set up prevention aliens organise for declining the quality of Ecosystem on Earth as well as human to seeding in other planet.confusing. concern on accuracy and function of your sentence

severe errors in spelling.

Writing Feedback / Resume : Janet Iwasa: How animations can help scientists test a hypothesis [3]

Scientists usually use a small objects[singular/plural issue] as objects of research andwhich must be seen directly, sometimes it difficult to seen , even with the most excellent microscopes.

instead of saying 'small' object, you may write 'MINUSCULE'
=scientists usually use minuscule objects in research which are sometimes difficult to see by naked eyes, even with.....

Rapid technology change has spurred researchers to modernize their researchstudy [avoid repetition] . One of technologytechnologies that they use .....
... very useful to develop a hypothesis. animationit [effectively use pronouns to avoid repetition ] is a ....


most of scientists still utilize paper and pencil to describe the processes of their study while those data are really need to process using computers, especially for animation design

need to concern on using a wide range of lexical resources to avoid using words repetitively.

Writing Feedback / Summary of article Blind people use brain's visual cortex to help do maths ( Colin Barras) [3]

BaseD on a leading theory, understanding number should linkslink the visual experience because of strong relation between them.

If it is so, how about the people ...
According to Shipra Kanjlia,aStudent[capitalization issue] of Johns Hopkins University, blind manmen can also do math.

... 36 volunteers which is ARE 17 of whom have ...
orshe and her peers analysed 36 volunteers who have been blind at birth....

... by conducting simple mental arithmatic orservation inside fMRI[misspelling] scanner.

ability to compute number without REQUIRED visual experience is requeired.
... to work on mental arithmetic problems [need comma] particularly cortex.
... the region from All of the blind volumteers who gave the correct ...
Thus, they suggested the extra region (Cortex) is also trigered by caculation process.

pay attention in spelling. it will be a serious hurdle if it comes to hand writing

Writing Feedback / The only way for women to show their qualities is by getting involved in economy and politics [2]

it is evidence that you have a passable writing skill proved by you well-structured sentence and paragraph. you, somehow, already achieve much information and knowledge here as you have shown progress on your writing. for this, i say thank you and keep writing and learning since there is no perfect work here.


experiencing education [since 'school' only is unclear, what level of school, on her primary or secondary? 'education' also general and can be write here ] in a traditional city of Libya as a 15-year-old-girl was the path which led Alaa Murabit, a moslem activits, to start.......


despite of repetitively write 'research', you may replace it by 'study', 'in depth study/investigation', inquiry, etc

..... she found an astonishing fact regarding to a well-known muslimah .....

.....whose participation in economic sector was has been vital .....

be careful on the using of semicolon instead of comma, especially on giving appositive or additional information

good luck

Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: The Courage To Tell A Hidden Story by Erman Mohammed [2]

... of the most fearless woman WOMEN who became (...), haD just returned 19 years old / as a 19 year young girl.
name is a subtle information, in this summary you misspelled or wrote it wrong from 'Eman' to 'Erman'. thus, for some societies it will be a little bit odd or confusing since 'Erman' usually refers to man rather than woman.

... stories to the world [too simple ]. She described her challenging carercareer by stating that ...\
Due to themale-dominated field [without further information, it is clear that this occupation commonly or acceptably done by man] which stated clearly that the woman must not do the man's job.

you may simply write like this, simpler, more effective but still a complex structure
she shared her amazing stories to the world as she described her challenging career by stating that her presence as the only one woman was unacceptable on that male-dominating field.


the flow is a quite hard to follow here since you mention 'also'

At that time, women THEY [effectively use pronouns to avoid repetition] were faced a double-war-drawbacks ...

It inspired her deeply.[too simple] Started AT that moment, she payinghas paid a closer attention ...

that's all on this time that i hope will enhance your writing skill. keep summarizing and keep improving your work

Writing Feedback / Summary of TED fusion is energy's future (Steve Cowley) [7]

One of the crucial environmental problemS nowadays is Energy crisis and greenhouse effect. Energy productionin the moment is dominated [passive, simple present. no need to mention in the moment] by non-renewable energy resourceS such as coal, oil, gas etc ...

pay attention in plural/singular issue

we have to pay attention aboutto perfect energy form


confusing sentence
clearly need to revise

Andhence, the predominantly solution is Fusion.

... British Association of Science conjectured that's why the sun shines and it also the reason why startsstars become illuminated .

... can be supplied by sea water andwhile Tritium that is super heavy hydrogen ...

... can also be considered to be long-term energy resources it iswhich conserveS until one million ...
Hence, it is firmly suggestssuggested that Fusion is the effective ...
concern about sentence stucture

Writing Feedback / When art and technology pull each other to bits [3]


confusing sentence
although art and technology have a close relation, those came apart at art festivals in some capital cities throughout the world
or close relationship between art and technology appeared at.......depend on which meaning you want to deliver

... technology has successfully altered anthe art world (...) more straightforwardly

.marrymerge between art and technology wherewhich enables people to enjoy (...) they do not present in this festival.there/ they are not there

... sophisticated technology brings many people to be closer with art. In this digital era, most people[repetition] can explore a lot of arts without directly visiting the original place the arts made.site those made/displayed

... from the world so that citizenssocieties are able to explore[repetitive] the arts specificallyvirtually such as ancient sculpture in Greece...
As a consequence result [consequence=negative ], a combination between art and ...

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: A Guide to the Energy of the Earth by Joshua M. Sneideman [3]


as population grows alongside as the rise of industrialization and development of.....,


global demand for energy becomes even more complex while the planet has limited energy sources

HumanS spends a lot of energy, especially those produced from fossil fuels, ...
Another alternative energy SOURCE comes from renewable sourcesones such as wind, ...

Where does energy come from.?

It moves in and out of this systemsthese systems
overall, you still need to be careful with some minor errors.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED_How mobile phones can fight poverty [3]


there is no verb in this sentence
Iqbal Quadir is a founder of Grameen Phone, ........ company.

In 1971, as a child who grewgrowing up in Bangladesh, (...) to another village in order to find theA doctor and he just for fail

... pioneer Grameen Bank then he establishinghas established Grameen Phone, a wireless operatorthat now is offering phone services to 80 million people in rural Bangladesh.


there are three beneficial effects of those phones,

it is good that you inserted a quotation to strongly close or end your summary. however, you still need to concern about sentence structure and sense/function of your writing. keep writing and good luck

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Taboo Secret To Better Health by Molly Winter [5]


she said that about seven millions Americans got sick while 900 died annually by sewage-contaminated water consumption

She mentionED one taboo issue about [tenses, subject+verb agreement]


if we can get those into our soil bank, it goes to absorb carbon dioxide.....
it goes to absorb..... if we can get those into....


she has introduced her organisation named...

integrateD water management approach

She gave the example one of the high-rise residential buildingS in downtown of Portland as an example . They are not flushing to the sewer system, but their wash water (...) mechanical system indeed .. It is the updating the surrounding sewer infrastructure.

Writing Feedback / Arctic ice melt is killing birds and will leave caribou stranded [3]

too many misspelling words.

The increasing loss of sea-ice whicH caused by melting ice in Artics victimizeS the local ecosystems [ singular/plural issue]

Recently,artic se-ice [misspelling that plausibly becomes a serious issue since it delivering unclear statement] is the second lowest sea-level during thiS summer. Thus, species which iNhabitantinOF /habitat is in sea-ice acquire ....

Other species , Seabird and huge Zooplankton species [redundancy] population will decline in warm climate. As A concequences[comma]ofmelting ice melting will be seriously damageD the environmentandwhileArctic Animals will move to ...

... many animals also remain incRitical ecosystems surounding .


sea-ice genetic variation influences population productivity and diversity

... or stant the sea-ice melting. It[need comma] could not be easy to ...

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Population, urbanization and environment [3]


=in several countries, to live in the city is more fascinating for inhabitants rather than in rural area
=city becomes the most fascinating area to live in for inhabitants in several countries

especially ON the land use and people lifestyle.


this phenomenon has included all problem such as waste, .....
this phenomenon has been compounded by all problems such as.....


forest areas are decreasing time by time while the current ...

In addition, the construction is not only in a particularly in urban area for sure but alsoin the rural area since it has also the same opportunity. It is not only a government task, but we have to responsible for this problem.as we also need to be responsible on overcoming this problem

Writing Feedback / TED Pete Alcorn: The world in 2200 [3]

... planet is going to be a bad for inhabitans.

the U.N's population data displayed that the trend of population in the world areis going to decline.

... but the dwindle of the population haveHAS two advantages economic impacts.

advantages and impacts are contradicted.

Cost of land will drop and it begins to declineaffect to the declining of the rate of property.


ineffective sentence

The transitions are A dangerous phase (...) lose their money and while labor demand more salary.

at all, you need to be careful in spelling words. concern about some minor errors like using of article and singular/plural issue. besides, still you need to pay attention on your sentence structure

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Miscarriage Is The Last Thing People Want To Talk About by Jamie Otis [3]

It was A terrible moment but she tried to share it in order this conversationso that this issue will become more common in ...

She started her story from her relationship with Doug

She started fromtalking about her relationship with Doug, (...) reality show, that she married later in a real life


=she got some trouble during her pregnancy....
you tend to make too complex structure that really hard to understand.... you need to concern about accuracy

" The prognosis is poor and we recommend you to (...)" said the high-risk doctor ,. pronounce error

high-risk doctor?

Writing Feedback / TED summary : a 12-year-old app developer [3]


in this digital era, everyone, included children, can easily access..... that leads societies to be more creative


For example, Thomas Suarez, a 12-year-old boy, has successfully invented a sophisticated app called ....
OR : ... has successfully invented a sophisticated app called ...., for example

His first idea, then, came from his friends ...

.... and asked him how the way to make it as he is still a small child whichwhile it is rarely done by his peer.


with this app, he has been able to become a wealthy child as his application is sold at US 99 dollar. the selling has thrived since many people from most countries buy it by downloading through their smartphones

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Killing People are always wrong by Richard Bourke [3]

Richard Bourke is one of the Australian LAWYERS who works to save prisoners from death penalty.

''We are all going to die, we don't have a choice about that, but we do choose whether to kill" as , [comma] he stated .....

In 2002, Bourke gave up ON his career THEN MOVE from Melbourne to Lousiana TO work full-time on some death-penalty cases. [it is important to mention what is his occupation before]


this sentence is right if Richard does not work as lawyer anymore at present, but if he does, you need to use present perfect tense

=He has not worked alone, he has assisted by the Australian volunteers who work hard to help save poor prisoners with death penalty.

There were some caseS [singular/plural issue] which is ARE handled by them,......


too complex but less accurate, better to separate into two sentences

some of them were unsuccessful and theyWHILE THE CRIMINALS were sentenced to death, (...) some happiness momentS there.

Therefore he told the lawyers who has been working ....
in this case, there were WAS a mother of the youngest victim, ....
It HAS touched his heart so deeply and HE didn't realized tears ...

Writing Feedback / Environment challenges: water pollution, air pollution, hazardous waste dumps and acid rain [3]

have become an environmental problems .....

but, the most crucial problem, among others, on the earth is the climate crisis.

.... because everything has get affected


we need to exactly work at it, globally, in order to present effective solutions

He givesGAVE us the real example of this current predicament such in the North Polar ice capin the ice cap in the North (Greenland). It has decreasing amount areas of the ice capthat ice area has been decreasing in the summer season and will be reformed in the winter season as well.

Global warming takes a part [PREPOSITION] this condition, which caused of BY human activities. He said that, in the fact this issue HAS BEEN being the last problem to solve. Thus, it would be our task to takes a part of it.

Writing Feedback / A history of India's independence [6]

..... countries leads to any humanity problems/

.... to obtain an independence[instead of this, you may write 'a freedom/liberty. etc']

.... Nehru ordered Indian troops = who is Nehru? you need to explain it more or give additional information related to his/her background as his/her story is not a factual neither a common shared issue

..... it from Portuguese who had powerfully = which

... military adventure in Goa was totally becoming an expostulation from the increasing of Chinese border incursions.
... the election campaign whoas a figure that was able to strike a ...
With his power it, finally, Nehru (...) taken steps to reclaim from the Chinese some territory by setting up forward posts. = confusing

instead of some grammatical errors, it is evidence that you have such adequate skill in writing. keep writing and improving your works. still, you can revise and enhance it. good luck

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Nearly Half of US Deaths can be Prevented with Lifestyle Changes [2]

... Centers for Disease Control (CDC) [comma ] that those diseasesailments actually can be avoided ...

Supportive statement is simply stated as well by Frieden....

despite for those above minor errors, it is evident that somehow you have improved your writing skill. different from your earlier works in this forum, your writing now is better and showing more accurate sentence structure and grammar.

however, there is no such a perfect job, so do this writing. there are many spaces for improvement, particularly on your lexical resource. try to use a wide range of vocabularies, paraphrasing and using similar words more often as it will a chance for improving your lexical resource.

another important thing to mention is, it is good that you use quotation here. but, think about its balance. in this summary, it seems that the quotation is a half length of the whole paragraph.

keep writing, keep practicing and learning. i'm waiting for your upcoming superb summaries

Writing Feedback / Tourism as a remedium for peace between people? [4]

This video storiestells about a man who (...) with tourism, his name iscalled Aziz Abu Sarah.


began when he was 7 years old, he used to think that throwing stones and watching television are fun things to do. he changed his mind when his older 18-years brother was arrested for doing the same, simply because he was a Palestinian boy who throwing stone.

[by scrutinizing the video, you should have to understand that this is about religion also]

When his brother was deaD, he felt angry and want to gavetake revenge.

by reading the rest of your summary, i can conclude that you are still having problem in summarising, especially in how to produce/restate the sentences by using your own words and not just copy sentences from the sources.

to make a powerful summary, you need to understand first what is the article about, what are the main facts or outstanding information there.
make a note using your first tongue is recommended in case it can help you to make the summary by translating to English. By this, you will have a chance to rewrite it by using your own lexical resource at the same time enhance it. keep writing

Writing Feedback / Summary From TED "Tiny Satellites Show Us The Earth as It Changes in near-real-time " (W.Marsal) [4]

In this Cutting-edge [adjective, need noun ], There [capitalization issue ] are great number of capricious advanceD inventions that will be immediately launched particularly for Astronomical approaching /purpose .

again, pay attention in your sentence structure. please consider how to appropriately compose sentences in term of fundamental grammatical rules.

BaseD on the report fromof Will Marsal, a Space [capitalization issue ] scientist and inventor (...), he and his team who from the Space (...), which is 4 kg in weight and 40 cm in length.

learn and practice more in how to adequately write complex structures, particularly the using of conjunction and punctuation on those.

It IS appropriately enriched by electronic sensitivesensitive electronic system which can ...

There were two fundamental reasonS [singular/plural issue ] why they reduce the scale of it namely;

there are many spaces for revision and improvement on your writing.

even though there are less severe problems that possibly being an obstacle for reader to understand this summary, many minor errors are not a good thing.

Writing Feedback / Few Things to Do Before International Travel - summary with some tips for planning a trip [4]

.....at least 6 months before its expiry date when you are going to travel overseas
..... documents which isare very important when you get lost your identity accounts ....
....check your medical state...
Some foreign countrycountriesrequireprevail/obligate specific medical examination for overseas holidaymakers ...


= there is no finite verb here.... this can be state as a sentence

You should to obtainhave a travel insurance if you want to get travel's permit.


the fourth, you should have a travel insurance, even the cheapest one, which covering medical bills, lost luggage, and stolen valuables in order to get travel's permit

.....to predict youR expense ....


the most vital thing you have to do is budgeting

other small items

your main problem is plural and singular issue.... please concern more on it

Writing Feedback / Several Ways Technology stops crime againts enadangered animals [4]

... as A natural habitat of endangered animals needS to be conserved by human

an i ncline of hunting activity and the illicting illegal trading for suchasanimals near to extinct animals, like Rhinos, Elephants, and sharks,toward extinction need to be reduced.


therefore, cutting-edge technological approaches should be developed in order to identify and conserve them.


in summarizing, you still need to mention all eleven approaches here. besides, you can't make a new idea or delivering your opinion that plausibly will interfere the ideas/works of the author or the source. in here, you can't conclude that those five methods that you wrote are greater or outweigh the others.

DNA analysis is the one of the wildlife crime investigation scenarios . Samuel Wasser, a DNAanalisysanalist , ......

.... etc.

you still need to focus on your sentence structure and basic grammar rules like article using and plural/singular issue. in addition, try harder in paraphrasing since i still find some similarities between the source words and yours. keep writing

Writing Feedback / A Legal Trade in Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds [2]


=the decision-making mechanism is a process proposal from Namibia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa; nations support the legalization of ivory trade
=the decision-making mechanism is proposed by......... ; nations support the legalization of ivory trade

It is believed that these processesisare able

at first, you may need to deliver the phenomenon of ivory trading before directly write down about the process or the nations that agree with that. it is about the flow of reading and also writing. you need to bridge or gibe background information first or may be change the sequence of the facts you want to restate on our summary. the first paragraph need to be revise.

however, in the second paragraph, your writing became strong with a quotation you inserted.the explanation about who said it also nice so that this paragraph become communicative and fully informative.

I believe that you have an adequate skill in writing, you only need to practice more. concern about tenses, the sentence completion, some basic grammatical rules that usually hard to control, and also make it sure you vary your writing style in composing sentences so your works will become superb to read and to understand. keep study and good luck

Writing Feedback / Elephants are in danger because of their ivory tusks, which are a blessing and curse for them [2]

A researcher at the University of Aberdeen,Lee and David Lusseau
= singular/plural issue. there are two researchers there
stated that they used .....

Therefore,in addition , a study on September 15, supportshas supported [pay more attention in the appropriate tenses to use] this opinion that legalizing the ivory market would be able to [you can also say 'possibly/plausibly '] vanish the elephants' population.


*its discovery prevails that the demand of ivory ......
*it discovers that the demand of ivory.....
actually, this sentence is still quite similar with the original sentence from the article. need more effort to restate it without get affected by the sentence structure of the source

Pro and cons are arisen regarding withto this issue, some countries or groups who state pro and cons [repetition. you may write 'who state their agreement and disagreement] inregarding this issue.

Firstly, one of the authors ' by Phylis Lee and [need comma] a researcher at the University (...) so there is no method to harvest sufficient ivory sufficiently ['sufficient ivory' clearly has different meaning with '...ivory sufficiently' . concern about the sense of the sentence or words] even though, in a controlled way thatit will not drive elephant ...

Secondly, there are three nations (Namibia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa) support this legal ivory ...
They offers a process ofnamed decision-making mechanism (...) ivory from existing government stockpiles of seized illegal ivory...to similar with the article

Writing Feedback / Learning a tonal language like Chinese is tricky, however there's a new tool.. [5]


you only copy-paste the sentence from the article. this is not a summary. you need to look for the main information or facts from source then paraphrase it by using your own lexical resource

summarizing and paraphrasing will be really helpful to build your writing and reading skills that you really need to train for taking foreign language examination. besides, by reading various articles and summarize it, you will have a chance to broaden your horizon. it is vital so that you will have adequate knowledge to speak and write familiar and unfamiliar topics using foreign tongue, ultimately English.

hope you pay attention on this then revise and compose your next summaries better

Writing Feedback / Angela Lee Duckworth: financially settled in the age of 27, but still yet in pursue of her passion [3]

... desire of Angela Lee Duckworth so that she decided to pursue her passion.


she becomes/has become a teacher...

who will successfully struggled and survived and why.

... selected to the military training; in a national Spelling Bee (...) in competition; in a school to survey working teachers (...) ability of the students; and in a private company, to forecast ...

The outcome of her research is astonishingly since it has revealed ...
It is said that, it does not takeneed/ it does not about social intelligentintelligence , good looking, physical health, and even anhigh IQ to be a success person.