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Posts by Fadhilahumar91
Name: Nur Fadhilah Umar
Joined: Aug 10, 2016
Last Post: Oct 28, 2016
Threads: 61
Posts: 73  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Cokroaminoto University

Displayed posts: 134 / page 1 of 4
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Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of student's accommodations (WT 1) [3]

The graph provide a breakdown about the number of student's accommodations which calculate on the percentage as per the four different types between 1960 and 2000. The most significant fact to emerge is that room in share house or flat with other students and paying guest with a host family were the favorite accommodation in the initial year. However, in 40 years onward the first figure increase rapidly in the proportion of student's housing and another showed a plummeted immediately.

At the beginning, most of students chose sharing housing and paying guest is the best type accommodation which show the equal number at 35% while other figures such student hall of residence and stay at home with own family launched by the same number at 15%. Even though, in the following 40 years, both of them presented a significant changes, while sharing housing increased sharply and reached a peak at 70%, the number of students who chose paying guest with a house family fell intentionally by 65%.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some young people are omitting or forgetting to learn many basic skills because of modern technology [NEW]

Over-reliance on modern technology means that people are failing to learn, or forgetting, many basic skills.
To what extend is this true? Are people becoming so reliant on modern technology that they are no longer able to do something without it?


Advance technology such the Internet has affected modern people to rely upon the all parts in their life. In fact, some young people are omitting or forgetting to learn many basic skills particularly in housework. I personally tend to argue that it is true that modern adolescents, depending on technology such special machine are failing to take over basic skills in housework. When it comes to making a prediction, if the teenagers over-dependence on the machine to help their work such launder clothes or plates, it will create some adults who cannot conduct certain assignments without it.

In general opinion, modern technology has supported many housewife to make their assignment easier and simpler. However, in order to produce many benefits, there is a consequence that a large number of children are failing to learn basic skills especially in housework. Which is because most of them over reliance on the particular equipment such washing machine than try to learn this basic skills. Due to the fact that, most of children cannot doing any house assignments.

In 2012, a survey conducted by behavioral psychologists from Curtin University, Marrianne and team carried out that 50% teenagers who was born between 2000 and 2005 chose particular tools to finish their assignments in home than try to do by herself. As a result, most of them omitted to accustomed to doing a basic skill in the home such washing clothes or plates. In addition, Anna Mulberry, educational psychologist from Ohio State University, in 2013, claimed that "this condition a harmful effect which affects teenagers ability to survive onwards".

Mulberry said that "if most of them do not change their behavior, I can predict that most of them will be a large number of adults who longer able to do a basic work". "It is reasonable when I argue that they will be lack of self-determination". As per Mulberry said, the adolescent's behavior which over-reliance on the special equipment such washing machine influence their capability to develop their self-determination when they are adults.

Clearly, I would claim that over-dependence on the modern technology such as washing machine to support housework to be efficient and effective will affect people capacity to do basic skills especially in adolescents. Most of them are failing or forgetting to learn when they was child. Consequently, if this condition continues, they will become the adults who do not take longer ability to do something.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dress smartly or quality of work? I think it depends on our obligation in occupation. [5]

HI AINI...

I think it depends on our obligation in occupation. (IT REFERS TO???)
IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH IS REQUIRED CLEAR POSITION SUCH YOU DISAGREE OR AGREE BETWEEN THE STATEMENTS, WHEN YOU THINK THAT THERE ARE OTHER FACTORS, YOU SHOULD MENTION BUT FIRSTLY YOU EXPLAIN YOUR POSITION.


Taking a sales promotion as an example.(NEED MORE EXPLANATION WHY THE SALES PROMOTION AS AN EXAMPLE)

All in all, our dress work relate to ...
A GOOD PARAGRAPH CONSIST OF THREE SENTENCES, NOT ONE SENTENCE. PAY ATTENTION ON IT.
THANK YOU
KEEP WRITING

Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Increasing number of criminality is certainly a topical issue, as so many felonies are found today. [3]

hi...

There are several causes for this, but also a number of measures we ... ( it will be better when you make a clear position in your task response because it can enhance your score. The most important aspect that you should give specific causes, increasing the number of criminality)

the best paragraph consist of 3 sentences. So, make your paragraph longer in the next writing.

The main cause of a large number of criminality is probably the highest number of social asymmetry and unemployment.(Explain why do you think that is the main causes to support your main idea)) As soon as fulfill daily basis ...

(I can say that your explanation are not sufficient to describe that social asymmetry and unemployment are the main causes of the problem)it makes your essay lower in coherence and cohesion

As a matter of fact, there are various steps ...

This is additional idea that you never mentioned before. As i mention before when you explain idea but those are never mention in the task response before i will reduce your coherence and cohesion.

I hope my suggestion is useful for you, keep writing
I believe when you try to write carefully, it will enhance your writing
Thank you

Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of plants and animals species in the tropical forest which closed to extinction (WT 1) [2]

A breakdown which presents in the graph displays a prediction between 2000 and 2100 in the number of plants and animals species in the tropical forest which closed to extinction while the main causes of the extinction are displayed in the chart. The most noticeable fact is that the proportion of disappear species in the initial years is the lowest while in 2060 is forecast, It will reach a peak. Also, the main induces of the disappearance is caused by human impact.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that in 2000, the quantity of extinction was in 5,000 species while from 2020 to 2040 onward, the proportion of disappearances are foreseen will growth significantly and will reach a boom by 45,000 figures. Meanwhile, in the 40 years future, the total number of figure will drop dramatically by 21,000 species.

When we look the main induces of the species extinctions, the human impact is the highest contribution to the disappearance at 81.3% while natural events donates at 18.7%. The proportion of treats which provide the highest donation to plant life is agriculture activities in 18.7% while the lowest contribution is plantations by 14%.




Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / A large number of experts claim that a color gives a certain impact in the people's mood [2]

Psychologist have known for many years that color can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to color schemes when decorating place such as office and hospitals.

How true is this statement?
How far does color influence people's health and capacity for work?


A large number of experts claim that a color gives a certain impact in the people's mood. In fact, it is suggested that we should pay high regard for color schemes with the intention of decorating office's and hospital's interior. I personally argue that it is true that particular color affects people's feel such purple color promote people's mood such peaceful, high spirituality, wise and high intimacy. Due to the fact that, the certain color like red color which reflects powerful energy and high spirit. Those are very convenient for office room interior to encourage workers energy and spirit in workplace while sky blue color ponders to decelerate the rate of pulse and enhance high concentration.

It is generally believe that the color influence people's mood such purple which reflects high spirituality, wise and intimacy. Since, the purple color presents psychological messages such a non-verbal communication for people who look it. The psychologists from Colorado University conducted research in 2009, carried out that there is a high correlation between purple color and emotional symptoms. The people who wear clothes purple color influence their spirituality while the indigo children which always relate to purple have an emotional trend in wise, peaceful and high intimacy in their relationship.

Consequently, most experts hold a meticulous consideration when they try to decorate particular rooms such as workplaces and hospitals. Most psychologists suggest that red color is convenient for office room while sky blue for hospital. Which is because red color presents special mood like powerful energy and high spirit and sky blue affects to decelerate of pulse, high concentration, peacefulness. Giving special decoration for office and hospital will influence the workers to enhance their performance in the workplace and the symptoms patient's deceases can be reduced.

In 2010, Anna Waitford from Curtin University pointed out that there is a high correlation between the colors room's decoration and people behavior when they keep in touch in the areas such red color can increase employer's performance in the workplace. Having said that, another improves patient's health and reduces the level of deceases. "I have proofed that many hospitals and offices color schemes correlate to specific behavior like as I mention before" Said Anna.

Clearly, I would argue that there is a correlation between particular colors and people's feel. As a result in the certain area such office room and hospital need to be consider in their color's decoration. Which is because reflects people's emotions and behaviors.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The smoking ban policy would prevent people from suffering diseases and create a clean environment [6]

hiii

This is some suggestions for you, I hope, it is useful to enhance your writing.

This essay would completely agree (i personally agree with) with such an idea(what the specific idea that you agree, because there two statements which are mention in the question) because this policy(what the policy??? please write specific statement to describe your idea in the body 1 and 2) would prevent people ...

Prevention to develop severe diseases Preventing the development of several diseases isareby stopped by smoking as soon as possible.( I don't understand what do you mean with this sentence, it make no sense)

Most researchers have conducted evidence based studies (evidence is a result of studies/research. So, it is not convenient when you say conducted evidence) that cover the topic ...

Thank you....
Keep Writing

Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes of the headland which are caused by strong tidal, have been illustrated in the diagram [3]

The erosion in the headland (writing task 1)

The changes of the headland which are caused by strong tidal have been illustrated in the diagram. The most noticeable fact is that the power of sea in the coast contributes to erosion in the cliffs. This process consist of four main stages which will be explained specifically in the next paragraph.

In the initial stage of a headland erosion is began from water beats erode the rock and create a weak area. Over the long time period, this weak area becomes a small cave which resemble in the arch. Take one example of this case is Durdle Door in the Dorset. Eventually, the water strong affects the fall of the roof stack and divides in two pieces, the first is 'stack' and the second one is 'stump'. As a result, the tidal continues to induce the erosion and threat the headland. Also create other weak areas. Finally, the process continues as a natural process. (155 words)




Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration [2]

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort.
What extend do you agree with this?


Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration, but the number of experts argue that it is more related to national's advantages outweigh the international effort for global citizens around the world. I personally tend to think that the space exploration presents many benefits in the certain developed country such America to dominate and control all access in the outer space such information technology while encourage the global telecommunications.

America is the one of advance countries which have explored outer space to improve information technology. As a reason is to manage telecommunication system such a glide of satellite with the intention of International advantages like high technology in communication system. In 2006, the government in America, carried out a regulation which was called "National Space policy" to manage space exploration particularly in a glide satellite in the different area in the world. In fact, the regulation has become a controversial issue in the different areas which are investigating a satellite in the outer space.

The director of Russian space agency, Allan Bright, in 2009 claimed that the NSP was a politics regulation from America to prevent the number of space explorations and satellites in the outer space particularly in information technology. "It is true that the NSP is a sneaky approach from America to rule other countries out in the high investigations", said Allan. China's space explorer, Xi Shenzeou agreed with Allan's argumentation that "I do not believe that NSP is a peaceful way to command a glide satellite system for global communications. It is more closed to a monopolistic system in global telecommunications".

Clearly, the space explorations which have been done by developed countries correlate to national prides than enhance information technology in the developing countries. I would claim that America is a sample of country which has investigated the number of satellites. These prove the evidences that they focus on giving many benefits such a monopolistic in the space investigations to the national than promoting international advantages such in telecommunications.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children's bad habits, for example they always eat some dirty, unhealthy foods [7]

hii..

Nowadays, many kids have an ...

I can say that your task response out of topic. This is because the question say "Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?".

So, you should mention both views and argue your opinion 'agree' or "disagree". Also, you should mention the specific reason why do you argue about it?


One possible reason which causes ...

I found some misspellings in your essay, please re-check again.
Now than, you make an unclear position, your main idea in the body 1 is not relevant with the question. When you want to mention other factors which responsible for children's unhealthy lifestyle, it is possible, but before you mention these, you must mention parents and schools.


On one hand, to help children solve ...

In your body paragraph 2 is a same case in the body 1. I hope, in the next writing you can write a better essay.

In conclusion, the reason of unhealthy ...

THank You,
Keep Writing

Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, children can do whatever they want, often bad things, and it leads to the health issues [3]

hii...

Nowadays, children can do whatever they want,...

when i read the question and i compare to your overview, it is very different. So, i hope you paraphrase the question carefully because it can be produce other meanings. Also, i do not find your task response in the firs paragraph. Although, you can mention in the las paragraph, but i will be better, if you mention it earlier.

They always buy food on the street where there are many unhealthy foods.(it is unclear explanation, you must explain more details, why do you say that)

Your main idea in this paragraph different from the question, So i hope in the next writing, please be careful to take one example. Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The idea of home-schooling and at-home teaching [3]

hii

In the past, home schooling ...

In my opinion, your have a clear position in your task response but your explanation need more strong reason why do you agree with home schooling is unacceptable. You should mention your reason and more specific explanation. Which is because a good overview will attract people/examiner to read anymore.

Every parent may not capable of ...

Your explanation in this paragraph is not strong to support your opinion. I think it needs more explanation why moms and dads forget materials. Also, you must specify certain materials that they forget. In addition, your example not reflects and support your main idea. So, I hope you pay attention more and more for that, because it will reduce your coherence cohesion.

At home Parents,mentors and others ; moreover, probably use ...

In would argue that you give addition idea in this paragraph. As you mention before in your task response, you said that parents are not capable to teach in scientific method, but in this paragraph you mention mentor and others. So, it reduces your coherence and cohesion more and more. Please pay attention for this.

Thank you
Keep writing, :)

Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The government tries to increase the cost of the petrol to reduce congestion and high gas emission. [2]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Congestion and high gas emission are the hard problems which happen in the city center. The government try to increase the cost of the petrol to reduce them. I disagree with the regulation such increasing the high price of the petrol can reduce the problems which is because the urban workers choose a car for a journey based on the time efficiency than using public transport. Meanwhile, there are other solutions to reduce that problems though minimizing private cars and improving public transports.

High cost of petrol is not effective regulation to minimize congestion and air pollution in the city center. Now than, some workers using private cars for their journeys are caused by that are more efficient than using public transportation. As a result, the high price of petrol is not the best regulation to solve the problems. In 2010, the scientists in New York conducted research about how correlation between high the petrol cost and worker behavior for utilizing personal cars. They found out that 5% samples agreed that it reduce their mobility while 75% samples that regulation unaltered their choices to use private cars because it is faster than using another way. Having said that, increasing price of the petrol correlates with high price of productions and it delivers to new problems such an expensive price in public transport.

The other solutions which can be more effective to solve the problems are reducing private cars and improving high facilities in public transports. Which is because the half of gas emission and congestion are caused by using personal cars and adverse facilities in the public transport. The Indian Government in 2011 have success to reduce at 50% of traffic and air pollution by decreasing one person-one car and increasing comfortable facilities in the buses and trams.

In conclusion, increasing the price of petrol is not the best solution to solve traffic jam and gas emission in the city center. I personally believe that the problems are caused by most worker use one person-one car than utilizing public transports. The alternative solutions to reduce it though reducing the level of using personal cars and encouraging public transports in the city center.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / How the cement is produced and how to create concrete, based on the combination of cement [2]

writing task 1 IELTS 8 test 3 how to produce cement and concrete

The diagrams present information about how the cement is produced and how to create concrete based on the combination of cement. The most noticeable fact that the cement production is processed by six steps that are crusher, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags. Meanwhile the concrete is created by five materials which are mixed.

The process to create the cement is begun from the limestone and the clay which are crushed by crusher. The powder as result of crushing process are mixed and then is rotated in rotating heater. The next process, the powder is heated in the heater afterward the mixture was grinded and become the cement. The final process that the cement are packaged in the bags and the cement ready to sell.

In addition, the process how cement is used to produce the concrete for building purposes are by using the concrete mixer. There are four base materials to produce it which consist of 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% gravel. The next step that all materials is mixed and finally the concrete ready to use.




Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mott Hall Bridges Academy opened in 2012 that have simple target: open a school to close a prison [5]

hi...

Mott Hall Bridges Academy was opened in 2012 thatwhich have simple target that is open a school ...
In the early openingtime , they face numerous of challenges likesuch as finding teacher who can emphatizeemphasize with the complexities of disadvantaged disadvantage community,communities , lack of funding technology, low ... (your sentence too bulky, so you can write your sentence in 2 or 3 sentences)

Some student in ths(misspelling) school have different goal such as ...
... had three graduating classes, aat 98 per cent graduating rate. It make this school going to some of the most (...) in New York City.

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: The logging industry stocks the incomplete materials products [3]

hii..

Unfortunately, the feeling of trees isare not without the environmental damage. Directly,while The harm (it need noun) produces the territory loss, dirt, global warming, and climate change.

The logging impact enlargesexpandsbeyond just the cutting down of a hole of trees. Food, water, and plants home , animals, (...) the environment are also lost.

Trees defend the ground under them , therefore the destruction of the tree will be influential influence towardthe quality of the soilsoil's quality . For instance, the rain forest land, home to numerous of vegetationslife and also insects, worms, reptiles, ...

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Social media on the Internet are getting improved, to make most people around connect to one another [2]

Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another.

Do you agree or disagree?


Social media on the Internet is getting improved so as to make most people around the world can communicate effectively. Having said that, it has an adverse impact on the adolescent communication pattern with one another such hating an actor and verbal bullying for them. I personally agree that social media brings negative effect on adolescent behavior such as lack of pupil's ability in face-to-face communication and increases the amount of verbal bullying in aged 14-18 years old.

The most notoriety of social media is Facebook although such the Internet brings negative impact to pupil's ability in direct communication. Which is because many pupils using Facebook as a crutch to hide behind and feel more safety than talk directly. In 2015, Dargo Emily conducted research and published in the Elon Journal of Undergraduate Research in Communications. It suggested that the Internet such social media have decreased on both the quality and quantity of face-to-face communication. More than 62% of sample from students in the higher education agreed that they can make more conversation on the social media than talking directly. Which happened because they can hide behind the Facebook and express more emotion.

In addition, using Instagram, increases the amount of verbal bullying in among the students. This is because many adolescent in higher education have occasion to hate such actors or their rivals, they would not dare to say their comments in social media due to their insecurities. They push down others to be more stressful and lower of self-esteem. In 2010, the psychologist found out that 50% on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter have many bullying contents which were caused by haters. The pupils who hate others by verbal violence came from the most students in higher education. It is very harassed because which is influenced the increasing of psychological symptoms.

In conclusion, social media such as Facebook, Intagram, and others bring not only positive impact but also adverse effect. In particularly, drawbacks such Facebook brings many adolescents have lower ability to make face-to-face conversation than the past while others such an verbal bullying on Instagram have increased significantly.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ted Summary - Technology hasn't changed love. Here's why [3]

Hi...
... by overview of why people do builtbuild love.
... in every cultureasit which[/b] is common to have and ...
Meanwhile, the technology has helped us(refers to??) to transform the era ...
.., which combined together towith form sexual, romantic and have family senses.

Furthermore, the effect of technology tothe love emotion between (...), instead itof modified by a modern trendwhich is called the concept of ...
ThisSuchconcept had been identified in the brain ...

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / 8 secrets of success (TED Summary) [8]

hi,,,

There are 8 (i suggested you to write in word no number)thingsfactors(avoid using "thing" in academic writing) which able to leads us(refers to??) to besuccessful .

Try to do something thatwhat you love, not struggle ...
If you work for lovelove what you work, money comes anyway. The second thing is WORK, so we have to work and fun to make everything easy.

... repeat practice to make somethingeverything to beperfect.
... focusing our self in one thingpurpose.
... got to serve others something value.
(PLEASE AVOID USING SOMETHING, THING BECAUSE SUCH WORDS IS INFORMAL, NOT USED THAT IN ACADEMIC WRITING)
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Online sales in retail sector between 2003 and 2013 [4]

The pie chart presents about the percentage of e-commerce sales which was sold by retailer between 2003 and 2013 in New Zealand. The most significant fact to emerge that all sectors generally showed fluctuated trend.

The first year, travel sector was the highest in the online sales and it was followed by clothes as the second highest. Obviously, in the ten years period both figures dramatically decreased by 7% in travel and 8% in another. This resulted in the travel sector was the second highest in retailer sales eventually.

In contrast with sales of film/music and books sectors, although such figures were the least in online sales but in the following ten years, they showed an upward trend. From 2003 to 2013, film/music sector sharply increased in it sales from 21% to 33% while another figure presented a gradual incline. The most attractive fact that film/music retailers sold a boom sales and reached a peak in the last period.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Children start school at the age of 4 or 7 ? [6]

hii..

As children are priceless asset, therethey has been a significant ...
The government in the some countries established that children should start to experiencestudy in the formal education at ...

PeopleParents who accept this point out the statement claim (...), particularly in psychological aspectpsychologically.
... They will process instructions and information quickly. However, their psychology has not yet.(However, S + V, S + V)There has been anThe evidence of them that two of ten one fith of children who enrolled to elementary school at four ...

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cellphone tracking and security cameras - modern technology spy on people [3]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, though cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


Advanced technology era have increased professionals' performance in their job such metropolitan polices using GPS to monitor terrorism action in the city center. Although, in most cases show that it has been minimized citizen's alert to secure their valuable items. In my view, the sophisticated technology has more benefits than the drawbacks.

The GPS helps police to prevent terrorism action such a badly-bombed in the city center. This is because GPS have high accuracy to monitor terrorist behavior. From 2008 to 2013, FBI conduct research about how much GPS effectiveness to prevent American inhabitants from terrorism violence. This is resulted in that 50% public-bombed can decrease. Those make FBI to work more effective to secure American citizens than the past.

Having said that, using modern technology to track most people such a camera security in the houses have a drawback. CCTV increase robbing rate in many houses. This is caused by many housewives lack of alertness to protect their valuable items, because most of them rely on CCTV protection. The result of Japanese psychologist's survey in 2010 presents that camera security in houses reduce awareness of family member to protect their home. This conditions affect robbing rate in Japan although in some cases such in the supermarket, CCTV decreased robbery rate.

In conclusion, modern technology such as CCTV and GPS increase working quality in some expert. Obviously, both help police to protect most citizen from the high crime although in some cases it has a few disadvantage. In addition, I convince that such sophisticated items have many advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Your Body is My Canvas [6]

hi...

Painting is the kind of art that usuallyis painted the object on the canvas.
But, there is a new method thatwhich is painted directly on top of the object andphysically on surface of the object.
Acrylic painting madeuse human as object of painting.

... scene and make it looks like a two-dimensional painting. It cames up by new idea from a woman ...
The method was found when she so exited and fascinated by light and shadow. That is the main reason, why she have her an idea tocan combine people directly ...

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary 'how we unearthed the spinosaurus' [2]

This is summary a video by Nizar Ibrahim which has published in TEDtalk.com. The original title is 'how we unearthed the spinosaurus'. He is a paleontologist. He told about their several expedition with his team in Sahara to search some Dinosaur's fossils. Based on their expedition, he reveals some animal's back bone which lived in 100 years ago. The animals is Spinosaurs. It had special characteristic for instance big, had tall spines in their back, forming a magnificient sail, slender jaws, a bit like crocodile and had conical teeth.

The mission area have high-risk because sand storms suddenly appear, and the brunt of poisonous animals. Even though, they found the largest Spinosaurs's back bone. They estimate that giant predator dinosaurs in medium size. It is very elusive but they try to characterize the Dinosaurs species. Finally, they conclude that the microstructure of this species is bizzare creatures, different from T-rex, the head has fish eating. Then the natural habitat is in the ancient river and as a predator in their food cycle. The last quote from Nizar which is borrowed from Roy Chapman Andrew that is "always there has been an adventure just around the corner and the world is full of the corner"
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

hi....

The diagramS presents a wind turbine section model and its preferred stance position. the best position to get maximal electricity.

Overall, it can be seen that ...

i suggest, mention your overall in the first paragraph,

A standard wind turbine is made up (...) blades areconsist of.......

i think your word very risky, 152 words. SO it is better when you add until 165 words.

i hope, it helps you
Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The types of communication skills which are pivotal for a worker, based on the result of surveys [4]

The table illustrates the types of communication skills which is pivotal as a worker based on the result of surveys in 1997 and 2006. Overall, there are two important kinds of correspondence in organization those are internal and external. Also, the most essential skill is dealing with people.

The most pivotal in external communication was dealing with people with the percentage at 60% in 1997 and 65% in 2006, and there was a significant rose during the period. Selling a product or services is the most inessential skill in this type of correspondence at 24% in 1997 and 21% in 2006, based on the data there was slightly fall in the same period of time.

In correspondence within company presents that the most essential ability is listening carefully to colleagues with the percentage at 38% in 1997 and 47% in 2008. There was dramatic rose by 9% during the period. In other that, in the same period, there was slightly rose by 4% in the most unimportant skill which is making speeches or presentation.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main causes of worldwide land depletion and the biggest consequences in different world parts [2]

hi...

he chart reveals the information about ...

The chart and the table reveal the information about the main causes of worldwide land depletion and the percentage of the degradation land consequences in three different regions in 1990

... was the main causeS of why agricultural land ...

The most significant fact to emerge the table ...

The most significant fact to emerge that agricultural land destruction is caused by Europa at 23% while the least in North America at 5 per cent.

he most severe cause in is Oceania was over-grazing at 11.3%

Thank you

I hope it is helpful
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The entrepreneurs should focus on how to find a big profit and ignore other factors. [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree.


The entrepreneurs should focus on how to find a big profit and ignore other factors. Based on the statement, I personally disagree because the company should concentrate about quality, purchaser satisfaction, and advertisement.

Some businessman argue that getting high investment is the purpose of the company. Finally, they just concentrate how to get much money and they drive the organization without thinking about operational standard. As a result, many enterprises do not finding high profit but they are bankrupt. Whereas, there are some main reasons why the company get too much investment such as quality, public satisfaction, advertisement and fine services. As an illustration, the entrepreneur who focus on the quality will find good image for their product which affect to their branding product. It means that high quality items give too high price.

In addition, public satisfaction is an approach to get new consumers, because some people interest to buy the product when they are recommended by others. It is a good manner to persuade everyone to be purchaser. Even the advertisement too give high impact to find a big profit. According to the Economist, Andrew Gilbertberg from Oxford University, he said that there is a significant correlation among the advertisement, the purchaser's happiness and the high investment. It has positive correlation among the level of consumer satisfaction and rising of the company's income.

In conclusion, being a businessman not only focus on the high income. There are some factors which influence in it, such as the excellence of the product, consumer satisfaction, the promotion, and the community satisfaction.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table elucidates the result of two studies about the kind of communications in a job [2]

hii

... result of two studies about whatthe kind of communication skills which are essential /pivotal(paraphrase the question) in people's work ...

which people use That are external and internal,
forBased on the data external communication,

Knowledge of particular product or services and advising or caring for customersorclients had a slight different number(you mention or three times)

product and in 2006 was vice versa.

i hope it helpful
Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Air circulation process in home and the energy which is not used as a consequence of these procedure [2]

The diagram illustrate about air circulation process in home and the energy is not used as a consequence of these procedure. Overall, the air enter the house from the little vent and come out from the house roofs.

The air circulation process is started when the air enter the house from every little vent in the outdoor faucet by crawl. In the basement, the air came from dryer vent, next in the cooking room, it fulfilled from fan kitchen vent, also the air enter in the house center from every little vent in the window and the door, and the last in the bathroom area which is fulfilled the air from the electrical outlet.

The process of air circulation is ended when air is released by light recession. In the bath room, the air is released through fan vent. The next, the air from it is came out into the attic hatch. Final procedure for the air releases when the air is exited from stack vent in the house roof.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses [2]

hi...

... the world assume that money profit (redundancy ) is the main goal of businesses
I personally disagree if money orientedorientation is stationed in the top ...

the author concluded that the annual profitfunding of automobile industry
According toBased on the economic global survey, (according refers to someone)

As a result, it boosts social norms and makes the biggest ... (it is not equal sentence)

THANK YOU
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sophisticated technology brings significant ramifications for the real connection. [2]

hi iforsa...

The human empathy ability has decreased gradually over the last 10 years because technology also reflects a profound ...
I strongly believe that it ruinsdestroy relationship dramatically.
... virtual kinship is less of empathy In any cases , because it creates ...

A remarkable social experiment was conducted ... According to sociologist, Harry smith in 2013 by social experiment found that

People arewho take into consideration ...

deep emotional interactionbecause they also lost their ability to collaborate ...

THank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.
To what extend do you agree or disagree??


In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word. Some people argue that it gives bad impression with people relationships. I personally disagree with this statement because in some situations the electronic media helps human communication.

Occasionally, most people become individualist because they focus on their smartphone than others. As an illustration, nowadays, some people meet with friends but they do not pay attention with them because in the same time they do multi-task such as chatting or playing games. In addition, others make a dinner together but when they wait their errand, every person focus on their electronic media and don't care with others. Based on the situations there is validity why some people presume about that. However, I believe that electronic media gives advantages for human relation.

The sophisticated gadget helps the human to interact with others efficiently and easily. Social networking connects all people in the world effectively by e-mail, social media and video conference. It means that the gadget helps human to relate with others. For instance, most people can be linked with their lost friends with social networking by using a smartphone or a laptop. Furthermore, it helps some people who have disability in communication with their relatives by chatting, because they cannot talk directly with others.

In conclusion, the information and technology era changes the human interaction by gadgets. Some people convince that this condition presents some negative effects. Although, it gives bad impact but it helps most people to relate with others effectively than before.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced man other activities [5]

hi,,

These days populace are interested in spending time doing ...

these days inhabitant who interest in spending time doing shopping as substitutes their hobbies and other activities in the past time

.. which is indulges in wasting our ...
..To begin with, a variety of reasons can be ...

.. the First and foremost among these is that incurring huge amount of money ...
... An individual should be wise enough to correlate ...
... my friend spends ΕΎ of her salary tobuyingbuysomething which are not essential ...

thank you...
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Video games play an important role - not only in entertainment, although there are some consequences [4]

hii duc.

video games play an important roles not only in entertaimenttheentertainment but also in study along the young generation studytoday.

I usually plays video games about ...
...entertaiments is are video games to make. ....
...games could be detrimental in terms of ...
and it makes helps me focus on my work.

If the player donot does not
-pay attention for your spelling..

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / At times, people who travel to other country bring their original culture which impacts on local one [3]

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Some people argue that tourist who travel to other countries should be followed by understanding traditional customs and attitude of indigenous people. However some people convince that tourism countries should accept cultural differences. I personally believe that both of them must be understand anything else.

Sometimes, people who travel to other country bring their original culture and it influence original culture in host country. There is culture acculturation among visitor and indigenous people which gives bad impact to local community. In other that, it affect original fashion in host society. For instance, In Bali, many international tourist using "you can see" clothes and they influence local community's lifestyle. Finally, it have happened moral decadence in some teenagers in Bali. Based on the situation the traveler should follow local customs and attitude where they went to go. However, host country should welcome with international travelers and approve cultural adversity. But I think that both of them should understand anything else.

As we know that, tourism is the important factor for national income. Many traveler in a country turn up the economic for local people. It helps them to increase their profit to develop country's infrastructure such as public transportation, public health, schools, and beautiful scenery in a town. It means that host country should make comfortable situation for international tourist.

In conclusion, the international tourists and the host country should appreciate anything else, because it helps to improve comfortable area for all. It means that both of them can grow mutualism symbiosis to others.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Malte Spitz: Your phone company is watching [4]

hi,,,

Though Mobile phone makes people ...
Malte has an experience which asking his data ...

He said that he hashad requested it for several ...

...it is important for him because it concerns his live.
...to secure their privacy
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : Agricultural destruction during the 1990 [3]

The chart and the table illustrate factors of land degradation in the world wide and three countries which caused agricultural destruction during the 1990. Overall, the highest causes is over-grassing in the Oceania (a large country's group in south Facific)

The pie chart present the largest over-grassing was caused land degradation in the world with 35 percent. The second highest was deforestation which affected them. And the other factor influences destruction in agricultural land

The table present the percentage land degradation causes by region in 1990. It can be seen that the European country had the highest contribution for agricultural destruction in the world with 23 percent. And the least is the North America at 5 percent. In other that, the large factor which caused those problems was over-grassing in Oceania, Island in the south Pasific include Australia and New Zealand. However, it was the least causes in less land productivity by over cultivation at zero percent.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dressing smartly. A nice appearance support people' to develop their career in the future. [2]

Some companies argue that professional workers should dress smartly. However, others convince that those are not guarantee because quality of work most important than others. I personally believe that both of them have significant effect and support career development.

As employers in a company such as industry, banker, officer, public speaker, they must have a good appearance, because it helps to feel confidence. Being fashionable is a mark that someone has high professionalism. For instance banker dress is conservative clothes which describe about personal intelligent, generous, and professional. In other that, smartly fashion present about people's personality and confident. It means that have influenced working performance and socialism with other friends.

In addition, working performance is the most important too, because although someone have a good appearance, they must show quality of work. As an illustration, fashionable workers which is lazy and not responsible with their work, it will make them to be unbelievable people. Finally, nice looking and best performance will affect for career increase in the future. According to Gerald Corey from Michigan State University, He said that there is a significant relation among being fashionable, working performance, and their career in the future. People who have great stylist present nice personality, great work preparation, and good working performance. People who have a great stylist present a good work in organization.

In conclusion, being fashionable employer is a way to be a professional because nice appearance support people's to develop their career in the future.

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