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Posts by Fadhilahumar91
Name: Nur Fadhilah Umar
Joined: Aug 10, 2016
Last Post: Oct 28, 2016
Threads: 61
Posts: 73  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Cokroaminoto University

Displayed posts: 134 / page 3 of 4
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Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED Why By Feeling You Are Ugly Is Bad For You. [3]

hi farida...

Most of these teenagers are looking for an (...) proana, bikini bridge (your sentence without verb)

... now choosing not to do something(please avoid to use "something", so general)

People also always judge others by theytheirlook cover not what they are doingtheir attitudes . According to the research,

I suggest you, please check : youtube.com/watch?v=eGWO1ldEhtQ

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sumary of Hiking the Inca Trail in The Andes Mountains [11]

hi....

Macchu Pichu is the ancient site in the Andes Mountains
.... Mountains and ttwhichwas discoverddiscovered by archeologist in 1911.

.... Inca trail is the most populepopular track.
,,, Along the trip poeple people can enjoy ...

Please pay attention about spelling...

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUmmary TEDtalk: the first 21 days of a bee's life [3]

This summary originates from a video told by Anand Varma and it can be found posted in TEdtalks.com. The original title is 'the first 21 days of a bee's life'. Honey have used one third of food crops but it is insufficient because there some trouble on it. Those problems are pesticides practical, diseases, habitat lose, destruction of beehives and immune system in stress and diseases. Bees is insects that have most sensitive growth. Those life processes for 21 day have begun from larva which swim in the white glue, then head and leg differentiate, these body reorganize, pigment are developed in eyes and the last step is body's change to spread out.

Based on the bees problems the scientist has discovered to find alternative solution on it. They used honey bees queen to detect them by remarking. Finally, it has natural resistant from stresses and diseases, although it not have sufficient skill to collect pollination. These result recommended to corporate with industrialist beekeepers which manipulate and exploit them to get highest quality of bees. In conclusion, Anand Varma said "saving bees mean saving our relationship with bees in order, design a new solution to understand basic biologic of bees from stresses and diseases"
Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Radio, television, and Internet shows over and over gossips stories and entertainment news [2]

hi,, dinar

Radio, television, and the internet go overgives stories about gossips ...
As a result, many people is affected by the media theybecause they watch everyday. I believe media should tell aboutperson real life common person and do not show about ...

They can motivate their fans to become better person.(actually, it is not eligible to understand, please concern about meaning)

In conclusion, more people should know there are many people like them ... ( i think it should be combine to third paragraph)

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / A wind turbine works by wind power, producing electricity efficiently when located on a high surface [NEW]

The diagram illustrates about how to produce electricity by a wind turbine and the best place for wind turbines can be worked effectively. Overall, a wind turbine works by wind powers which can be produced electricity efficiently when it located in the high surface.

A wind turbine is made by blade-fiberglass or wood, wind sensor, generator (output 1,5 megawatt), steel tower and computer to sensor blade direction. The process is began when the blade fiberglass is rotated by the wind. At the same time wind sensor is turned on by blade fiberglass to detect wind speed and direction. Finally, the electricity produce by generator and it is detected by computer.

Moreover, getting the optimal output from turbine when it is located in the highest surface, because low landscape is not brought wind speed and direction. As a result of turbine's optimal location, a wind turbine can be rotated effectively by the maximum wind power. It can be produce 100 kilowatt electricity.




Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Large companies and individuals are no difference in maintaining the environment [4]

hi...

Environmental damage is at alarm level. Some said ...

Environmental damage is alarm. Some people said that is pressing issue can only be solved by large companies when the citizen can not contribute altogether. i disagree with this statement because the inhabitants have fully responsibility to their environment

... individuals have responsibility for their environment.Most People studied that countries can develop because of large enterprises and the environmental problem on industrial causes human in danger.(what do you mean about this sentence, please check again)

.....the responsibility of pollutions (do you mean this is pollution responsibility??)

- please pay attention for your pronoun
- the essay which is easy to read very important thing. So, focus for the meaning
Thank you

Fadhilahumar91   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The mass media has been more interesting to show well known people's way of life [2]

Question : The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The mass media has been more interesting to show well known people's way of life than to report people who live usually. I believe that presents extraordinary person take more profit for enterprise media than another who have normally life and I do not believe that unknown people not have advantage not interested and not bringing benefit to others.

Making TV program or news to famous people gives an advantage that added private enterprise funding by advertising. Because most viewers more interested to follow well known people's lifestyle, fashion and activities. For example, some people are more interested to read celebrities news or new songs. Those makes some people think to be up to date person. All in all, it bring more funding for enterprise. However, there some people argue that people who have live usually give more motivation and inspiration to others than entertainment.

The media should pay attention to report ordinary people's life, because it gives more inspire and educate others than famous people. For instance, we can learn about culture and behave from them. These provide a benefit to teach some people more respectful to others life and avoid hedonism lifestyle. On the other hand, those think that not present unreal existence.

In conclusion, the media gives more attention to broadcast people who well known giving high profit to the media enterprise. For instance increasing the media's funding cause many readers and viewers for it. Even though, it is not mean ordinary people program provide disadvantage for most people.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'simple touch of fingers' - People's daily activities have been simplified by connecting online [3]

hi...

... I would tend to claim suchthat overusing the internet can change

There is no doubt that emergence of state-of-the-art gadgets lead individuals to have ...

The internet which is connected through smartphone which can completing most of human's necessities.

As a result, people who in a hurry which do not have to queue a long time when they must suddenly meeting or an emergency accident .

All in all, although the internet has gone beyond expectation in our daily life, there is ...

conclusion is paraphrasing from introduction. So, don't add new idea in your conclusion.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Life satisfaction among married and unmarried people in America - writing task 1 [NEW]

There two charts that provide information about life satisfaction level of people who has been married and unmarried in United States. Also, present the percentage of well-being levels of people couple across the children age. Overall, the married people is happier than unmarried although the difference of their satisfaction in married couple almost in the same level.

The married people shows higher happiness than another. The highest life satisfaction is in people who has 16-29 years old, but it is not significantly different with the medium and elderly people. However, the unmarried people have well-being is lower than another, but the percentage of satisfaction sharply increase from 20 percent to 35 percent.

Another chart present that well-being level in married couple who have children. The highest happiness is in couple who have teenager and the lowest is people with children 18+ years old. However, it not illustrate sharply contrast among them.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Being an entrepreneur has some risks and advantages, however it has more benefits than drawbacks [3]

Question : Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that choose to start new enterprise better than being a worker in a company. Although, there some risk and disadvantages to make a new organization. I believe that the convenience often outweighs any drawback.

There are two main dangers and disadvantages when some people decide to work own business. The one that have risk because it need big financial capital to start it. If their organization unstable work, it will be bankruptcy. A further disadvantage is that some people have unsteady income. It means they sometimes cannot get salary because their enterprise not enough profit. Even though, try at entrepreneurship has several point in its favour.

The first benefit is people who start their business to open a job vacancy. It means that they can help others to find job and decrease the number of unemployment. Also, they can decide how much salary which reasonable for her/his and her/his worker. It can be said that they can control their company fully in compared with working in other's companies. A further advantages is that being a boss can help someone to develop his/her entrepreneurship skills for instance leadership, coping skill, problem solving, flexibility, strangeness. According to Annie Pattinson in Colorado State University found that people who start their career to be entrepreneur than a worker have leadership skill more than the others. It influence their future career as a leader.

In conclusion, being entrepreneur has some risks and advantages. However, it has many benefits than the drawback. Some people who start new companies is better than working people's business.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / My summary task about social Networking [9]

hi..

Recently, the popularity of a social networking on the internet has rapidly risen throughout the world.
The socialit networking facilitates manymost people to share their personal information created byto community.

The datachart/table/diagram shows hat three-fourths of ...

The super The most popularity of the social networking gives ...

The upside is to ease to connect with friends, ...
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people think that being fashionable is extremely luxurious. For others it's a reasonable thing. [3]

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion in an important part of life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Some people think that being think being fashionable is extremely a luxury. While others argue that is reasonable because fashion has essential role in life. I believe that even if fashion items cost too high it holds an important part in life.

Sometimes, some people cots too much money to be fashionista in particularly in women. High price items are reasonable because it have high excellence product. Others believe that branded product is better than common items. For instance, Lois Vuition bag and Rolex watch have high quality material, latest fashion and more detail process than others. As a result, we can use it for a long time, to show social level and more confident than using unbranded items. Finally, the best excellence fashion is cost too expensive but it is very acceptable for it.

In addition, although branded product is an expensive, but it is reasonable price for some people, because fashion is a crucial part in life. Being fashionable makes others more confident and comfortable which affect their work performance. For example when someone looks stylist in the office that influences their work and social level. Some people will have a good socialism with other. Also, when they meet with a fashionable client, it helps to make a good conversation and make the best deal for their business. However, being fashionable need high price but they can purchase fashions item based on their money strength.

In conclusion, fashion items is luxury necessity, but it is acceptable for some people because fashion is essential thing in human life in particularly in work world.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parenting is hard to master. Children should be taught about it at school's formal training. [3]

hi,,

Parenting is hard to be master.
While thisit helps schoolchildren understand ...
AThe school plays an important role
ThisIt becomes a good option as parents ...
On the one hand,Meanwhile School has an integrated syllabus ...

-pay attention for your pronoun
- i suggest you to make a conclusion in the last paragraph..

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / How does people use water in Gulf Countries? Here is the answer [5]

hi....

It is noticeable that, with the exception ...

Overall, it can be seen that/it is noticeable that ...

Pleace mention your overall because it is important thing to answer the question

six gulf countries consumed water for the different purposes in 2000 and is measured in the percentage.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dressing smartly. A nice appearance support people' to develop their career in the future. [2]

Some companies argue that professional workers should dress smartly. However, others convince that those are not guarantee because quality of work most important than others. I personally believe that both of them have significant effect and support career development.

As employers in a company such as industry, banker, officer, public speaker, they must have a good appearance, because it helps to feel confidence. Being fashionable is a mark that someone has high professionalism. For instance banker dress is conservative clothes which describe about personal intelligent, generous, and professional. In other that, smartly fashion present about people's personality and confident. It means that have influenced working performance and socialism with other friends.

In addition, working performance is the most important too, because although someone have a good appearance, they must show quality of work. As an illustration, fashionable workers which is lazy and not responsible with their work, it will make them to be unbelievable people. Finally, nice looking and best performance will affect for career increase in the future. According to Gerald Corey from Michigan State University, He said that there is a significant relation among being fashionable, working performance, and their career in the future. People who have great stylist present nice personality, great work preparation, and good working performance. People who have a great stylist present a good work in organization.

In conclusion, being fashionable employer is a way to be a professional because nice appearance support people's to develop their career in the future.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : Agricultural destruction during the 1990 [3]

The chart and the table illustrate factors of land degradation in the world wide and three countries which caused agricultural destruction during the 1990. Overall, the highest causes is over-grassing in the Oceania (a large country's group in south Facific)

The pie chart present the largest over-grassing was caused land degradation in the world with 35 percent. The second highest was deforestation which affected them. And the other factor influences destruction in agricultural land

The table present the percentage land degradation causes by region in 1990. It can be seen that the European country had the highest contribution for agricultural destruction in the world with 23 percent. And the least is the North America at 5 percent. In other that, the large factor which caused those problems was over-grassing in Oceania, Island in the south Pasific include Australia and New Zealand. However, it was the least causes in less land productivity by over cultivation at zero percent.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Malte Spitz: Your phone company is watching [4]

hi,,,

Though Mobile phone makes people ...
Malte has an experience which asking his data ...

He said that he hashad requested it for several ...

...it is important for him because it concerns his live.
...to secure their privacy
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / At times, people who travel to other country bring their original culture which impacts on local one [3]

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Some people argue that tourist who travel to other countries should be followed by understanding traditional customs and attitude of indigenous people. However some people convince that tourism countries should accept cultural differences. I personally believe that both of them must be understand anything else.

Sometimes, people who travel to other country bring their original culture and it influence original culture in host country. There is culture acculturation among visitor and indigenous people which gives bad impact to local community. In other that, it affect original fashion in host society. For instance, In Bali, many international tourist using "you can see" clothes and they influence local community's lifestyle. Finally, it have happened moral decadence in some teenagers in Bali. Based on the situation the traveler should follow local customs and attitude where they went to go. However, host country should welcome with international travelers and approve cultural adversity. But I think that both of them should understand anything else.

As we know that, tourism is the important factor for national income. Many traveler in a country turn up the economic for local people. It helps them to increase their profit to develop country's infrastructure such as public transportation, public health, schools, and beautiful scenery in a town. It means that host country should make comfortable situation for international tourist.

In conclusion, the international tourists and the host country should appreciate anything else, because it helps to improve comfortable area for all. It means that both of them can grow mutualism symbiosis to others.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Video games play an important role - not only in entertainment, although there are some consequences [4]

hii duc.

video games play an important roles not only in entertaimenttheentertainment but also in study along the young generation studytoday.

I usually plays video games about ...
...entertaiments is are video games to make. ....
...games could be detrimental in terms of ...
and it makes helps me focus on my work.

If the player donot does not
-pay attention for your spelling..

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced man other activities [5]

hi,,

These days populace are interested in spending time doing ...

these days inhabitant who interest in spending time doing shopping as substitutes their hobbies and other activities in the past time

.. which is indulges in wasting our ...
..To begin with, a variety of reasons can be ...

.. the First and foremost among these is that incurring huge amount of money ...
... An individual should be wise enough to correlate ...
... my friend spends ΕΎ of her salary tobuyingbuysomething which are not essential ...

thank you...
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.
To what extend do you agree or disagree??


In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word. Some people argue that it gives bad impression with people relationships. I personally disagree with this statement because in some situations the electronic media helps human communication.

Occasionally, most people become individualist because they focus on their smartphone than others. As an illustration, nowadays, some people meet with friends but they do not pay attention with them because in the same time they do multi-task such as chatting or playing games. In addition, others make a dinner together but when they wait their errand, every person focus on their electronic media and don't care with others. Based on the situations there is validity why some people presume about that. However, I believe that electronic media gives advantages for human relation.

The sophisticated gadget helps the human to interact with others efficiently and easily. Social networking connects all people in the world effectively by e-mail, social media and video conference. It means that the gadget helps human to relate with others. For instance, most people can be linked with their lost friends with social networking by using a smartphone or a laptop. Furthermore, it helps some people who have disability in communication with their relatives by chatting, because they cannot talk directly with others.

In conclusion, the information and technology era changes the human interaction by gadgets. Some people convince that this condition presents some negative effects. Although, it gives bad impact but it helps most people to relate with others effectively than before.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sophisticated technology brings significant ramifications for the real connection. [2]

hi iforsa...

The human empathy ability has decreased gradually over the last 10 years because technology also reflects a profound ...
I strongly believe that it ruinsdestroy relationship dramatically.
... virtual kinship is less of empathy In any cases , because it creates ...

A remarkable social experiment was conducted ... According to sociologist, Harry smith in 2013 by social experiment found that

People arewho take into consideration ...

deep emotional interactionbecause they also lost their ability to collaborate ...

THank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses [2]

hi...

... the world assume that money profit (redundancy ) is the main goal of businesses
I personally disagree if money orientedorientation is stationed in the top ...

the author concluded that the annual profitfunding of automobile industry
According toBased on the economic global survey, (according refers to someone)

As a result, it boosts social norms and makes the biggest ... (it is not equal sentence)

THANK YOU
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Air circulation process in home and the energy which is not used as a consequence of these procedure [2]

The diagram illustrate about air circulation process in home and the energy is not used as a consequence of these procedure. Overall, the air enter the house from the little vent and come out from the house roofs.

The air circulation process is started when the air enter the house from every little vent in the outdoor faucet by crawl. In the basement, the air came from dryer vent, next in the cooking room, it fulfilled from fan kitchen vent, also the air enter in the house center from every little vent in the window and the door, and the last in the bathroom area which is fulfilled the air from the electrical outlet.

The process of air circulation is ended when air is released by light recession. In the bath room, the air is released through fan vent. The next, the air from it is came out into the attic hatch. Final procedure for the air releases when the air is exited from stack vent in the house roof.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table elucidates the result of two studies about the kind of communications in a job [2]

hii

... result of two studies about whatthe kind of communication skills which are essential /pivotal(paraphrase the question) in people's work ...

which people use That are external and internal,
forBased on the data external communication,

Knowledge of particular product or services and advising or caring for customersorclients had a slight different number(you mention or three times)

product and in 2006 was vice versa.

i hope it helpful
Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The entrepreneurs should focus on how to find a big profit and ignore other factors. [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree.


The entrepreneurs should focus on how to find a big profit and ignore other factors. Based on the statement, I personally disagree because the company should concentrate about quality, purchaser satisfaction, and advertisement.

Some businessman argue that getting high investment is the purpose of the company. Finally, they just concentrate how to get much money and they drive the organization without thinking about operational standard. As a result, many enterprises do not finding high profit but they are bankrupt. Whereas, there are some main reasons why the company get too much investment such as quality, public satisfaction, advertisement and fine services. As an illustration, the entrepreneur who focus on the quality will find good image for their product which affect to their branding product. It means that high quality items give too high price.

In addition, public satisfaction is an approach to get new consumers, because some people interest to buy the product when they are recommended by others. It is a good manner to persuade everyone to be purchaser. Even the advertisement too give high impact to find a big profit. According to the Economist, Andrew Gilbertberg from Oxford University, he said that there is a significant correlation among the advertisement, the purchaser's happiness and the high investment. It has positive correlation among the level of consumer satisfaction and rising of the company's income.

In conclusion, being a businessman not only focus on the high income. There are some factors which influence in it, such as the excellence of the product, consumer satisfaction, the promotion, and the community satisfaction.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main causes of worldwide land depletion and the biggest consequences in different world parts [2]

hi...

he chart reveals the information about ...

The chart and the table reveal the information about the main causes of worldwide land depletion and the percentage of the degradation land consequences in three different regions in 1990

... was the main causeS of why agricultural land ...

The most significant fact to emerge the table ...

The most significant fact to emerge that agricultural land destruction is caused by Europa at 23% while the least in North America at 5 per cent.

he most severe cause in is Oceania was over-grazing at 11.3%

Thank you

I hope it is helpful
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The types of communication skills which are pivotal for a worker, based on the result of surveys [4]

The table illustrates the types of communication skills which is pivotal as a worker based on the result of surveys in 1997 and 2006. Overall, there are two important kinds of correspondence in organization those are internal and external. Also, the most essential skill is dealing with people.

The most pivotal in external communication was dealing with people with the percentage at 60% in 1997 and 65% in 2006, and there was a significant rose during the period. Selling a product or services is the most inessential skill in this type of correspondence at 24% in 1997 and 21% in 2006, based on the data there was slightly fall in the same period of time.

In correspondence within company presents that the most essential ability is listening carefully to colleagues with the percentage at 38% in 1997 and 47% in 2008. There was dramatic rose by 9% during the period. In other that, in the same period, there was slightly rose by 4% in the most unimportant skill which is making speeches or presentation.




Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

hi....

The diagramS presents a wind turbine section model and its preferred stance position. the best position to get maximal electricity.

Overall, it can be seen that ...

i suggest, mention your overall in the first paragraph,

A standard wind turbine is made up (...) blades areconsist of.......

i think your word very risky, 152 words. SO it is better when you add until 165 words.

i hope, it helps you
Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary 'how we unearthed the spinosaurus' [2]

This is summary a video by Nizar Ibrahim which has published in TEDtalk.com. The original title is 'how we unearthed the spinosaurus'. He is a paleontologist. He told about their several expedition with his team in Sahara to search some Dinosaur's fossils. Based on their expedition, he reveals some animal's back bone which lived in 100 years ago. The animals is Spinosaurs. It had special characteristic for instance big, had tall spines in their back, forming a magnificient sail, slender jaws, a bit like crocodile and had conical teeth.

The mission area have high-risk because sand storms suddenly appear, and the brunt of poisonous animals. Even though, they found the largest Spinosaurs's back bone. They estimate that giant predator dinosaurs in medium size. It is very elusive but they try to characterize the Dinosaurs species. Finally, they conclude that the microstructure of this species is bizzare creatures, different from T-rex, the head has fish eating. Then the natural habitat is in the ancient river and as a predator in their food cycle. The last quote from Nizar which is borrowed from Roy Chapman Andrew that is "always there has been an adventure just around the corner and the world is full of the corner"
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Your Body is My Canvas [6]

hi...

Painting is the kind of art that usuallyis painted the object on the canvas.
But, there is a new method thatwhich is painted directly on top of the object andphysically on surface of the object.
Acrylic painting madeuse human as object of painting.

... scene and make it looks like a two-dimensional painting. It cames up by new idea from a woman ...
The method was found when she so exited and fascinated by light and shadow. That is the main reason, why she have her an idea tocan combine people directly ...

thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cellphone tracking and security cameras - modern technology spy on people [3]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, though cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


Advanced technology era have increased professionals' performance in their job such metropolitan polices using GPS to monitor terrorism action in the city center. Although, in most cases show that it has been minimized citizen's alert to secure their valuable items. In my view, the sophisticated technology has more benefits than the drawbacks.

The GPS helps police to prevent terrorism action such a badly-bombed in the city center. This is because GPS have high accuracy to monitor terrorist behavior. From 2008 to 2013, FBI conduct research about how much GPS effectiveness to prevent American inhabitants from terrorism violence. This is resulted in that 50% public-bombed can decrease. Those make FBI to work more effective to secure American citizens than the past.

Having said that, using modern technology to track most people such a camera security in the houses have a drawback. CCTV increase robbing rate in many houses. This is caused by many housewives lack of alertness to protect their valuable items, because most of them rely on CCTV protection. The result of Japanese psychologist's survey in 2010 presents that camera security in houses reduce awareness of family member to protect their home. This conditions affect robbing rate in Japan although in some cases such in the supermarket, CCTV decreased robbery rate.

In conclusion, modern technology such as CCTV and GPS increase working quality in some expert. Obviously, both help police to protect most citizen from the high crime although in some cases it has a few disadvantage. In addition, I convince that such sophisticated items have many advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Children start school at the age of 4 or 7 ? [6]

hii..

As children are priceless asset, therethey has been a significant ...
The government in the some countries established that children should start to experiencestudy in the formal education at ...

PeopleParents who accept this point out the statement claim (...), particularly in psychological aspectpsychologically.
... They will process instructions and information quickly. However, their psychology has not yet.(However, S + V, S + V)There has been anThe evidence of them that two of ten one fith of children who enrolled to elementary school at four ...

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Online sales in retail sector between 2003 and 2013 [4]

The pie chart presents about the percentage of e-commerce sales which was sold by retailer between 2003 and 2013 in New Zealand. The most significant fact to emerge that all sectors generally showed fluctuated trend.

The first year, travel sector was the highest in the online sales and it was followed by clothes as the second highest. Obviously, in the ten years period both figures dramatically decreased by 7% in travel and 8% in another. This resulted in the travel sector was the second highest in retailer sales eventually.

In contrast with sales of film/music and books sectors, although such figures were the least in online sales but in the following ten years, they showed an upward trend. From 2003 to 2013, film/music sector sharply increased in it sales from 21% to 33% while another figure presented a gradual incline. The most attractive fact that film/music retailers sold a boom sales and reached a peak in the last period.




Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / 8 secrets of success (TED Summary) [8]

hi,,,

There are 8 (i suggested you to write in word no number)thingsfactors(avoid using "thing" in academic writing) which able to leads us(refers to??) to besuccessful .

Try to do something thatwhat you love, not struggle ...
If you work for lovelove what you work, money comes anyway. The second thing is WORK, so we have to work and fun to make everything easy.

... repeat practice to make somethingeverything to beperfect.
... focusing our self in one thingpurpose.
... got to serve others something value.
(PLEASE AVOID USING SOMETHING, THING BECAUSE SUCH WORDS IS INFORMAL, NOT USED THAT IN ACADEMIC WRITING)
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ted Summary - Technology hasn't changed love. Here's why [3]

Hi...
... by overview of why people do builtbuild love.
... in every cultureasit which[/b] is common to have and ...
Meanwhile, the technology has helped us(refers to??) to transform the era ...
.., which combined together towith form sexual, romantic and have family senses.

Furthermore, the effect of technology tothe love emotion between (...), instead itof modified by a modern trendwhich is called the concept of ...
ThisSuchconcept had been identified in the brain ...

Thank you
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Social media on the Internet are getting improved, to make most people around connect to one another [2]

Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another.

Do you agree or disagree?


Social media on the Internet is getting improved so as to make most people around the world can communicate effectively. Having said that, it has an adverse impact on the adolescent communication pattern with one another such hating an actor and verbal bullying for them. I personally agree that social media brings negative effect on adolescent behavior such as lack of pupil's ability in face-to-face communication and increases the amount of verbal bullying in aged 14-18 years old.

The most notoriety of social media is Facebook although such the Internet brings negative impact to pupil's ability in direct communication. Which is because many pupils using Facebook as a crutch to hide behind and feel more safety than talk directly. In 2015, Dargo Emily conducted research and published in the Elon Journal of Undergraduate Research in Communications. It suggested that the Internet such social media have decreased on both the quality and quantity of face-to-face communication. More than 62% of sample from students in the higher education agreed that they can make more conversation on the social media than talking directly. Which happened because they can hide behind the Facebook and express more emotion.

In addition, using Instagram, increases the amount of verbal bullying in among the students. This is because many adolescent in higher education have occasion to hate such actors or their rivals, they would not dare to say their comments in social media due to their insecurities. They push down others to be more stressful and lower of self-esteem. In 2010, the psychologist found out that 50% on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter have many bullying contents which were caused by haters. The pupils who hate others by verbal violence came from the most students in higher education. It is very harassed because which is influenced the increasing of psychological symptoms.

In conclusion, social media such as Facebook, Intagram, and others bring not only positive impact but also adverse effect. In particularly, drawbacks such Facebook brings many adolescents have lower ability to make face-to-face conversation than the past while others such an verbal bullying on Instagram have increased significantly.
Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: The logging industry stocks the incomplete materials products [3]

hii..

Unfortunately, the feeling of trees isare not without the environmental damage. Directly,while The harm (it need noun) produces the territory loss, dirt, global warming, and climate change.

The logging impact enlargesexpandsbeyond just the cutting down of a hole of trees. Food, water, and plants home , animals, (...) the environment are also lost.

Trees defend the ground under them , therefore the destruction of the tree will be influential influence towardthe quality of the soilsoil's quality . For instance, the rain forest land, home to numerous of vegetationslife and also insects, worms, reptiles, ...

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Fadhilahumar91   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mott Hall Bridges Academy opened in 2012 that have simple target: open a school to close a prison [5]

hi...

Mott Hall Bridges Academy was opened in 2012 thatwhich have simple target that is open a school ...
In the early openingtime , they face numerous of challenges likesuch as finding teacher who can emphatizeemphasize with the complexities of disadvantaged disadvantage community,communities , lack of funding technology, low ... (your sentence too bulky, so you can write your sentence in 2 or 3 sentences)

Some student in ths(misspelling) school have different goal such as ...
... had three graduating classes, aat 98 per cent graduating rate. It make this school going to some of the most (...) in New York City.

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