Writing Feedback / Suzanne Barakat: Islamophobia Killed My Brother. Let's End The Hate [4]

Suzanne Barakat in this TED video shared about her experienced life. For the beginning of her speech, she was introduced her brother to the audiences, who passed away a couple years ago because murdered by her neighbor. I think it was a very interesting speech because she tried to encourage the audiences for standing up with her against hate on Muslim. She told that in her environment, North Carolina, most of her neighbors extremely hate with Muslim people. Furthermore, she said that in three years ago, her house got couple of bullets and it made her family scared about this situation. After that, she and her family moved to San Francisco but the condition was unchanged. She always got bullying from her neighbor and for the unacceptable moment, her brother was murdered by her neighbor. It made her scared and angered with the situation, but she tried to control her emotional and thought about the best solution to face this problem. Thus, she tried to encourage people to introduce for next generation about the views of Islam in order to prevent the same crime that experienced her life.

Writing Feedback / Dark Chocolate Reaps Heart-Healthy Benefits [6]

Most of people think that chocolate brings a lot of disease because it contains have too much fat. However, researchers discovered that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, is good for humans' heart. Based on this article, there is two ways that dark chocolate protective against heart disease. The first one is that it restores flexibility to stiffening arteries and the second one it prevents white blood cells from sticking to the insides of blood vessel walls. Dutch scientists made an experiment for 44 year old people, have an overweight problem, and they should ate 70 grams both dark and milk chocolates every day until four weeks period. According to this research, most of people tend to choose dark chocolate rather than milk chocolate because it has a good taste. And also, scientists found that people who often eat dark chocolate are healthier than others. It is because in dark chocolate, it has an organic compound called flavanol which good for humans' heart.

readitenglish.com/read/GirgKT

Writing Feedback / The number of international scholars graduated from colleges in eight Canada provinces [3]

Bar Chart 4 : International Graduates in Eight Canadian Provinces

The bar chart reveals the information about the proportion change in the number of international scholars graduated from colleges in eight Canada provinces between 2001 and 2006. Overall, with the exception of Alberta, all of figures showed a significant growth rate during period.

According to the graph, New Brunswick province become the most graduated students in 2001, with the percentage at 7%. In contrasted, Ontario had the least proportion of graduated learners in this time by 3%. However, by 2006, the percentage of students graduated in Ontario had showed a significant increased by 6% and it made this province did not become the lowest proportion at this period.

A more detailed look at the chart revealed that by 2006, Nova Scotia and British Columbia had the same proportion of graduated scholars at approximately 10%. It was followed by Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador provinces which appeared the same rates. Furthermore, Alberta becomes the least proportion of graduated students during this time by about 4%.

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Writing Feedback / Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment statistics in Five big Countries in the Twentieth Century [3]

Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment in Five Different Countries

A breakdown of the information about imprisonment in five different nations during six year period is shown in the bar chart. Overall, while other countries showed a declined trend, Great Britain and United States experienced an upward trend during period.

According to the graph, during 1930 to 1950, Great Britain was appeared a significant proportion in the number of prisoners. In contrasted, Australia and New Zealand had faced a decreased rate of imprisonment during this period. However, both United States and Canada were showed a fluctuated trend. Surprisingly, by 1930, New Zealand and United States had the same proportion in the number of prisoners at 100,000.

A more detailed look at the graph revealed that in 1960-1980, a number of offenders in Great Britain increased gradually. It was also followed by New Zealand prisoners which showed an inclined trend during this time. In contrasted, other states were appeared a fluctuated rate in the proportion of prisoners. Interestingly, by 1970, it had seen that there were three countries experienced the same proportion at about 60,000.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of expenditures on five different needs in four developed countries in 2009 [3]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of expenditures on five different needs in four developed countries in 2009 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, with the exception of Japan, all countries spent their money on housing.

According to the chart, United States of America had dominated proportion on housing and health care by 26% and 7% respectively. On the other hand, Canadian had the largest percentage on transportation and clothing at 20% and around 5% respectively. However, on food consumption, Japanese become the best proportion than other countries by 23%.

A more detailed look at the graph revealed that Japan had the least proportion on transportation expenditure by 10%. Americans spent the lowest percentage on food and clothing, which shown by almost 15% and below 5% respectively. Interestingly, both Japanese and Canadian had the same proportion on health care expenditure by almost 5%. Furthermore, United Kingdom had the least position on health care by 1% and this country was not predominated in other categories.

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Writing Feedback / Declined trends about elephant's population number, between 1997 and 2004, in most Asian countries [3]

Bar Chart : Estimated Maximum of Asian Elephant's Population

A breakdown of the information about the alteration maximum of Asian elephant's population in nine different Asia countries between 1997 and 2004 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, with the exception of Cambodia and Laos, all of countries showed declined trends about elephant's population during period.

According to the chart, by 1997, India had the highest proportion of elephant's population and it was continued in the next period. A large gap was showed in Malaysia proportion by 3,000 and around 1,000 in 1997 and 2004 respectively. Similarly, it was followed by Thailand rates in 1997 (about 4,000) and roughly 1,000 in 2004 which showed a widened gap.

A more detailed look at the graph revealed that China had the least proportion of elephant's community by 1,000 in 1997 and below 1,000 in 2004. In contrast, Cambodia proportion was experienced an inclined trend in 1997 and 2004 by 1,000 and 1,500 respectively. Other countries were performed only a small proportion.

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Writing Feedback / Jokowi congratulated the United States President-elect, Donald J. Trump [3]

President of Indonesia, Joko "Jokowi" Widodo congratulated the United States President-elect, Donald J. Trump on Wednesday a few hours after the full result of the US election. He said that as the name of Indonesia government and all of people in Indonesia, he congratulated to 45th president-elect of the United States. Furthermore, Jokowi said that Indonesia was ready to continue of mutual diplomatic relationship among both countries. And also he hoped that the mutual cooperation between Indonesia and the United States of America can create serenity and welfare through the world.

As we known that Donald J. Trump was selected as 45th president of United States a few days ago. He won the United States election by 273 electoral votes, while his rival Hillary Clinton just had 218 electoral votes. Donald J. Trump won the election because the United States has a policy that every single person can win the election if they got 270 electoral votes and he got more than that.

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Writing Feedback / TED Summary : The Beauty of Human Skin in Every Color by Angelica Dass [3]

Angelica Dass presented about the beauty of human skin in every color. For the beginning, she shared about her family background which comes from a variation skin color. Her father has a dark chocolate tone, her grandma has a porcelain skin, and her mother has a cinnamon skin with a pinch of hazel and honey. For the next section, she told about how people think about her skin and also how she got discrimination in her school. Actually she has a brown skin, but her friends said it was a black and it made Angelica confuse about the situation. And also when she entered the party, every single person decided that she was the maid and it made her sadness. However, she was forgetting about the bullying that she got and tried to make a project which utilizes people together to ignore about their skin color. Many people support her project and she becomes the one of inspiring women to be against about skin color.

Writing Feedback / The Line Chart : The number of University Alumni in Canada for 15-year Period [2]

The line graph reveals the information about the number of college alumni in Canada for fifteen-year period. Overall, despite having an upward trend, women showed a higher proportion than men and it's led them to be the highest one over the period.

According to the chart, in 1992 more females were graduated in Canada with around 90,000 and men showed just around 70,000. This led to a widened gap between them. Moreover, the proportion both of them increased slightly between 1993 and 1995 at around 100,000 for females and almost 80,000 for males. However, between 1996 and 1998 the number of graduated in Canada decreased gradually at 100,000 for women and around 70,000 for men.

A more detailed look at the graph showed that, between 1999 and 2001 while female's alumni showed a positive trend, male's alumni witnessed a fluctuate trend. Furthermore, both of figures showed a dramatically increased in the proportion of university alumni during 2002 to 2007. Thus, graduate numbers reached their highest levels in 2007 with female's proportion more than male's proportion.

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Writing Feedback / Between the 2030 and 2040, the percentage of old people in Japan will rise sharply [2]

The Line Chart : The Proportion of Elderly People Population in Three Countries

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of aging people population during 1940 to 2040 in three different developed countries is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, despite having an upward trend, the proportion of elderly Japanese will overtake the place of the highest one in the last period.

According to the chart, in 1940, the percentage of elderly people in three countries showed a narrowed gap at around 5%. However in the next period, the proportion of aging people in Japan showed a decreased, while elderly people in USA and Sweden prevented a positive trend. Furthermore, between 1980 and 2000, the percentage of the old people in Sweden overtook the place of the highest one, while the proportion of aging people in USA decreased gradually during period. It was also followed by elderly Japanese which showed a positive trend.

Initially, during 2000 to 2020, while aging people in Japan and USA showed increased rates, the proportion of elderly Sweden's experienced the opposite rates. Finally, in 2040, the percentage of the old people in Japan will overtake the place of the highest one and reaches a peak rate. It is also followed by the proportion of aging people in Sweden and USA which shows an increasing level and reaches its peak.

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Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two fresh created music websites [2]

The Line Chart : The Number of Visitors on Two New Music Website

A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two new music websites is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, despite having an upward trend, pop parade music site becomes the highest visits by people.

According to the chart, in the first day, pop parade music site has higher proportion than music choice site which shows 120,000 and 40,000 respectively. After that during the second to seventh days, the rate of pop parade music decreases gradually and shows the least proportion at around 20,000. However, the music choice site illustrates a fluctuated level during the days. It also shows narrows gaps down with others figure in the seventh day.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that during eighth to eleventh days, the number of visitors' pop parade music site increases dramatically to around 140,000 while the proportion of music choice website still shows a fluctuated rate. However, in the twelfth day, the number of visitors on music choice web shows a significant increase and overtakes the place of the highest one at 120,000. Finally, in the fifteenth day, the proportion of pop parade music site overtakes the place and reaches a peak, while music choice site shows a decrease rates in this day.

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Writing Feedback / Why making children, who lack artistic talent, learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school? [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some claim that children who lack artistic talent are useless to learn painting and drawing in art programs at school. However, some say that they should focus on other creative and practical subjects which more benefit for them. I totally disagree with such an idea because they should be thought to learn painting as teachers in art school have more experiences and they can guide them to develop their potential.

It is generally believed that teachers have more experiences in art subjects. The reason for this is that before they become a tutor in school, they were students in art programs and understand the difficulties in this subject. Besides, they also have knowledge to face this situation and can share it for their students. For instance, a current survey carried out by University of California stated that 67% of teachers had the same condition as their students and share their experiences to face this position. As a result, students can do their best about this problem and do not repeat the mistakes of their teachers.

Aside from what is explained above, students can be gulden by their teachers to develop their ability. Teachers had faced a lot of children who lack in art subject, but they can do the best to build up their skills. For example, University of Harvard surveying students who inadequacy in art subject in Boston and found that 70% of them can increase their aptitude in art after 6 months studying with tutors. Furthermore, it is acceptable that teachers are the best guide for students to grow up their art skills.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that even though pupils do not have enough ability in art, they should think to learn painting and drawing as teachers have known the best for them and can help students to increase their capability in artistic. The government should make the best art study programs at school in order to help teachers increasing children ability.

Writing Feedback / The wealthier people spent more their money on fast foods than other earning groups. [3]

The bar and line charts give information about the amount of money spent on fast foods by different revenue in United Kingdom and the trends of junk foods consumption during five period. Overall, with the exception of fish and chips, the high income had more spent their money on fast foods than other earning groups. In this case, while pizza showed decreasing trend, the opposite witnessed in the remaining figures.

According to the bar chart, high income earners spent around 40% (per person and per week) on hamburgers and making them superior than other categories, showing at around 30% for average income and almost 15% for low income earners. This was followed by pizza consumption, still showing its domination to other earning groups. On the other hand, 25% middle income receivers spent more money for fish and chips consumption, while other earning categories had the same rates for this trend at around 15%.

Based on the line graph, in 1970, pizza was almost three times more popular than other fast foods and at that time, hamburgers were the least rates fast foods at 300. This was followed by fish and chips showing its rate at just under a hundred, while a small proportion was often seen in the figure for hamburger. However, after the 20-year period, a gradual decrease by 100 saw in pizza. This was in marked contrast to the remaining figure showing an increase, with a significant growth shown by fish and chips, making it by far the favorite one at the end of the period.

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