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Posts by NinaJoesuf25
Name: NINA
Joined: Aug 21, 2016
Last Post: Dec 15, 2016
Threads: 36
Posts: 66  
Likes: 4
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 102 / page 1 of 3
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NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED Chinese Zodiac by Shao Lan [5]

Hi Farida, here is my feedback for you :)

When Chinese people ask about zodiac actually it i a polite...
Asking other people about zodiac or age is a common way for gaining information by Chinese people.

They can know their fortune [...] with animals started from a rat to a pig.
One of the most fascinating aspects of obtaining this information is that they can know more about their fortune and misfortune, personality, career prospect and so forth. Suffice it to say, Chinese zodiac is a cycle of 12 years and depicted with animals such as a rat and pig.

Chinese Zodiac also influence their [...] choose a specific year for the babies.

... such as giving name to their baby, deciding marriage dates and others. They believe that some certain animals get unwell with each other so parents will choose a specific year for the babies.Unfortunately, I don't get what you mean in this sentence :(.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / How air circulation causes a waste of energy and heat in a house? Answer based on the diagram. [4]

Hi Ilmi, here are my suggested corrections for you.

The diagram illustrates how air circulation causes...

A brief description of the way heat is lost and energy wasted in a house due to the air movements is provided in the diagram. Overall, all of air leaking out comes from the attic's area, while air going into the house only passes through both the basement and the first floor. On the other hand, air displacement happens in nearly all parts of the house.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / A girl who demanded right to school in her hometown - TED TALKS [5]

Hi everyone, I need your help for giving me your feedbacks
Thank you.


Education is an utmost essential of our life. Kakenya Ntaiya shared her story regarding her experience of being a girl demanding a right to school in her hometown. From her opinion, education was a luxury gift since she grew up as the Massai people whom, as she told, the boys grow up to be warriors, whereas the girls grow up just to be mother. Unfortunately, it will seemingly be the ubiquitous moment in this place that the girls must prepare to become a mother in the age of twelve.

Knowing that she had to leave school when she would marry was utterly terrifying. She did not eschew to deal with this problem. She urged her father so as to be allowed to continue her study. Then, her father bent her decision with a win-win solution. It was required to her for participating in the ceremony where she must pass this activity such a female genital mutilation. After three weeks of recovery, she backed to school and continue their dream.

At the end of the day, she astonishingly succeeded to pursue higher education because she was inspired by a young men from her village. When she was studying in Virginia, she had a gap in her knowledge about a right. Hence, she learned plenty of knowledge she did not know before. She had just known that female genital mutilation, being widely known as tradition in her group, was illegal in Kenya. It was a heinous tradition as such. Ergo, it should not happen to barter a part of her body in exchange for a dream to continue her study. From that time on, she successfully endeavored to establish school for girls in Kenya and hitherto attempted to persuade girls' Massai for sharpening their knowledge through education.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Reasons To Save Whales - whales are endangered animals and near extinction (Summary TED) [4]

Hi Farida, let me give you some suggestion..

In this day and age, whales are endangered animals and near extinction. It is because people hunt them fiercely. Arguably, it started from 200 years ago and have hitherto happened. The reason why human chased those whales is that they will reap the benefit at gaining their meat, oil, or whales' bones. Needless to say, in the.... .. made a campaign commercial to stop using whale for.... ( maybe you can add the reason why here). Astonishingly, this campaign had a successful result in early '80s. .....Government banned to air a commercial whalingUnfortunately, I dont get what you mean here. ....... Many people argued that the whales should be saved due to its charismatic and beautiful. What is more, the fact that whale is an ecosystem engineer which maintain stability and health of the ocean also provide services to human communities.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / A girl who demanded right to school in her hometown - TED TALKS [5]

ustivy03

Thank you for your valuable feedback.
Well, let me fix the last paragraph.

At the end of the day, she was inspired by a young man who returned to her village after attending school at the University of Oregon. Since then, she strove to apply schools in the US as well. She eventually succeeded to attend college in Virginia. When she was studying there, she learned plenty of knowledge she did not know before such as the right. She had just known that female genital mutilation, being widely known as tradition in her group, was illegal in Kenya. It was a heinous tradition as such. From that time on, she intentionally endeavored to establish school for girls in Kenya and hitherto attempted to persuade girls' Massai for sharpening their knowledge through education. She realized that school for girls, not only for education, but for safety.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Uber CEO Says Self-Driving Cars Won't Kill Jobs - Summary [2]

In this day and age, as we can see the newest technology take a state-of-the-art machine into account. Dozens of Uber' drivers were anxious about the existence of the autonomous cars. The reason why they were troubled was that their job could be replaced by the cutting edge of technology.

Plenty of observers declared that the autonomous gave rise to a threat to those drivers. However, Travis Kallanick, CEO Uber, argued he believe in that human labors were still required for some reasons at any rate. For avoidance of doubt, he explained that the robot cars could not be great for handling the worst condition such as bad weather or countryside driving. Ergo, human drivers would be essential. Afterwards, labors are utterly needed to preserve the space-age cars.

It really stands out that Uber's drivers will likely be great in short term. On the other hand, they should also take a longtime driving career into consideration.

time.com/4458385/uber-travis-kalanick-self-driving-cars-pittsburg/
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The graph below shows how much money a city council gave to the book clubs over a four-year period [3]

... from city parliament to the book association, (comma) while ....(Frankly, I do not know why I failed to open that picture. So, my suggest for you is that you can mention another difference there. And, the last sentence in your first paragraph, you can add this sentence to make a good comparison). However, virtually all categories witnessed an upward trend.
NinaJoesuf25   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Constructing a high skyscraper or improving schools and hospitals is more essential for metropoly? [4]

Hi Iforsa,
Here's my suggestion for you

Some people think that construct a high skyscraper is essential for metropolis. .

Establishing an imposing building plays an important role in city's development. While it is thoroughly acceptable as the idea of this brings many considerable advantages, I would argue that school and hospital can be more essential since it takes a issue of social welfare into consideration.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / People have more attention for a look and not what kind a person someone is. Cameron Russell summary [8]

Hi @Dioba, below are my thoughts on your summary.

Image is powerful and superficial. Image can transform mindset of ...

Images as the best form of entertainment these days open up the world. The reason is perfectly plain that image can alter people' state of mind regarding our lives.

Well, actually in your summary you mentioned Cameron Russel in 2 gender, sometimes you writes she and he. I think you should painstakingly consider about the subject :)
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Break a bad habit just like to pay attention on something. [3]

... habit just like to try anpay attention on something. First, EvolutionTHE EVOLUTION OF learning process currently knowIS CURRENTLY KNOWN by scientist and . AFTERWARDS, basic nervous (...) founded, it consistCONSISTS of positifPOSITIVE and negative enforcement.

Brain haveHAS to send A signal to body such as rememberREMEMBERING what you eatingEAT and where you find it. This relatedRELATES to the memory to ...

There are several causeEFFECTS such as ways, ...
AlsoSUBSEQUENTLY , eat something that makeEATING MAKES you feeling good ...
Brain is always tryTRIES to push us to ...
This effects makesMAKE not good for our body.
... proses, smoking IS bad for people who ...
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize article : Ebola rapidly evolves to be more transmissible and deadlier [5]

Ebola has been destroydestroyed people's life.
... found that it is easier to suffer more readily among(in this sentence you mentioned easier which means there is comparison in here, so, it is good idea to compare it with the words "than" Im absolutely sorry that i dont get what you means here) humans and in the time goes on, ...

The West Africanwest african epidemic that started ...
A latest news,Eventually, both Luban's team and a separate(separate what?) one....

The team concernconcerns to explore that several ...
It suggestingsuggests that the virus was under ...

Andika, please painstakingly consider your subject verb agreement.. Sometimes I did not get what you mean here..
keep spirit!!! :)

NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students need to be seen and feel like they are valued. [2]

@nda18 Hi Nurul,
I think it is good but let me help you to fix minor problem.
I hope it will be useful for you.

... behaviour and influence ON the teaching value, but actually, the students ...
well, this is a contradiction issue, at first you mentioned double conjunction. please, be careful Nurul :)
so this the formula,
even though sv, sv not even though sv, but sv


the students who ARE not afraid to take a risk INTO CONSIDERATION.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to deal with the transformation of organization in advanced era [2]

Jim Hemerling, organizational change expert, explained us regarding how we deal with transformational organization in advanced era. He said it was an absolutely necessary to alter an organization. Putting people was absolutely the vital way to contend with it. It meant to make workers more highly motivated. Subsequently, he explained that to go all in. The reason was perfectly plain that people should know what exactly happened in their condition. The third was enabling people with capabilities that they needed to take care of such a transformation in this day and age. He made it quite plain that the workers will feel energetic and powerful to run the company. Afterwards, a culture of continuous learning was also crucial since it helped company to compete against the rival. Eventually, he clearly mentioned that leader should have a vision and a map milestone for the journey since it was easily to know how far they drive the company and how to achieve the goals.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The ways to keep your coffee hot [2]

This article provides such information that how to contend with a cup of coffee. The writer did some experiments to cool his coffee. The purpose of these experiments was to probe which method was the best to cool the coffee. Subsequently, cup 1 had a cover on the top, cup 2 had not lid and the third cup had a lid, yet he would blow on the opening. After several minutes, in consequence the cup without a lid was cooler than other, even though he poured the water with a little different temperature before. It was perfectly plain that by putting coffee next to something colder thermal energy was transferred to another colder coffee. However, this experiment was not enough to prove the theory. The second experiment was by evaporation. It was clear that when the coffee evaporates, by and large, the coffee cup without the lid with the result that it instantly became cooler than before. Afterwards, he took one more experiment with plugging in the small hole and lid and another one just had a lid. Surprisingly, both of coffee had same temperatures since the plug was to obstruct spilling coffee.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Suzanne Barakat: Islamophobia Killed My Brother. Let's End The Hate [4]

... she was introduced her brother to the audiences, who passed away a couple years ago ...

(Actually, in this sentence is ambiguous, who is passed away? the audience? or her brother?)

For the beginning of her speech,she introduced her brother, who passed away a couple years ago, to the audience because OF murdered by her neighbor.

... her neighbors extremely hate withTO Muslim people. .....
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some tips for teenagers to have a healthy lifestyle [2]

Apparently, children' notorious daily activity should be seriously tackled by parents' role. Children should, of course, keep under surveillance by day and night by their mom and dad. They ought to maintain their own health by doing some weakly sports activities or giving them the best nourishing diet. There are three ways that crucial to maintain their healthy. Initially, they should eat nutritiously. It means that they should concentrate on cutting down on unhealthy food and soft drink and take nutrition of protein, carbohydrates and fats into consideration. Moreover, breakfast is a must. It is clear that skipping meals is not good for health since the nutrition is necessary for their growth. As we know, teens are faced with a lot of activities that are requiring more and more energy. So, the best way to deal with this is to nourish them good fresh food so as to lead a healthy life and stay fit.

thejakartapost
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The benefit to make conversation to stranger- TED [3]

Kio Strark explains us regarding greeting to someone you do not know before. Frankly, it is arguably weird since most of people believe that stranger is hazardous. Surprisingly, there are two huge advantages about having talk with them. Initially, it liberates us since it means that people can accidentally make conversation together without thinking any stereotype. She gives American female researcher that traveled to Asia and Africa by herself, as an example. In fact, it was an adventure novel for her. She screwed her courage to find something new. There was no family or someone that she knew there. What delights in is about how she struggled with helping from the stranger. Another fascinating advantage is that using our senses to become intimacy. According to researchers, the reason is perfectly plain that people often feel more comfortable, seem honest and show openness when they encounter the strangers. From that time on, she challenges us to take this into account with talking to a stranger about personal experience.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two different preferences of music site- TASK 1 IELTS [2]

A breakdown of the information about the number of visitors in two different preferences of music on the website in a 15- day period is shown in the line graph. Overall, it is extremely important to bear in mind that all the figures tend to increase. What's more, the number of visitors of Pop parade is the most dominant music website.

Initially, the most popular new music websites is Pop parade, being seen 120,000 visitors. However, apart from a brief fluctuation from day 1 to day 9, the number of visitors on pop parade site increases gradually at over 140,000 in day 10. By contrast, the figure of music choice visitors is just 40,000 in the first day. It is followed by a slight decrease in the following day, the number of music choice visitors remain relatively stable at less than 60,000 visitors per day until day 11.

In sharp contrast to this, the visitor number see pop parade site decline gradually until it overtake the other in day 12, at 100,000. Nevertheless, apart from a brief rise again in day 13, it reaches a peak of over 160,000 and both of figures widen up a gap each other eventually.




NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of money spent on five different items in four developed countries in 2009 [4]

Hi Ryan,

I should argue that in overview IELTS task 1. it is better that you have two sentences instead of just one. so , here my suggestion.

Overall, all countries spent their household budget ...

Overall, it is important to bear in mind that had a considerable difference. What's more, all the figures spent their household budget on housing, apart from Japan.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / All regions in Canada had the highest percentage of international alumni in 2006, apart from Alberta [3]

Hi there.. Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.
try to make sure for SV issue..
keep spirit!

measured by percent
measured in percentage

was illustrated
is illustrated

Alberta was higher than British Columbia.
Alberta was higher number of alumni than British Columbia.

... had a similar percentage at(comma) 3 %.

This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%
This was by far higher than Alumni in Ontario where had at just 2,5%

... had similiar percent
had a similiar pattern
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The elderly in three different developed countries -IELTS TASK 1 [3]

A breakdown of information of the percentage of people over the age of 60 in three different developed countries, a period of 100 years, started in 1940 is shown in the line chart. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that all of the figures tended to rocket over the period. In any case, the figures for the Japan broke the record as the highest one in the last year.

Initially, there was a significant increase in the number of aging people in USA and Sweden, roughly 9 and 7 percent respectively. Both of figures then overtook each other in 1980's. Following many minor fluctuation, the number of Sweden elderly people will increase by 28 percent in 2040, with becoming the second highest as such.

Between 1940's and 1980's, Japan was the least proportion elderly people. But, it then will increase until it will overtake the proportion for Sweden and USA in 2020's. it will finish at the greatest level in the last year.




NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : International student graduated In Canadian University [2]

Hi Nurul,
Frankly, your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.

By 2006, an incline of number THAT was seen in the ...

... of international alumni and it isWAS decreased by around 2%.Other proportions were unsurprised trend.

Try to at least write 2 sentences for each paragraph.

KEEP WRITING :)
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mentor or role model can change our life. TED 13: Why I Read A Book A Day? [5]

A mentor or a role model can change our life. Everyone can be your mentor.

..., for some people, AND Hollywood is a broken dreams, (NO COMMA HERE).
... people move to Hollywood becauseDUE TO many people success ,...

You write the title " why I read a book day" actually, in your essay. You did not mention any reason that make a connection with the tittle. Unfortunately, I did not help you further since I also did not get what you mean in another paragraph.

Keep spirit Meryani :)!
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / How many male and female Alumni in Canada? IELTS TASK 1 [5]

A breakdown of the information about how many male and female learners graduating in Canada, a period of 15 years, started in 1992 is shown in the line chart. Overall, it is really important to bear in mind that the female proportion broke the record as the highest one over the timeframe. What's more, both figures performed as similar pattern.

By 1992, the number of female graduates in Canada had roughly been 100,000 which was significantly popular than other. In 1998, the figure for female graduates went up steadily to the same level after slightly increase in year before. By contrast, the male Canadian learners graduating numbered just 70,000 in the beginning of this year. It then remained relatively stable at roughly 70,000 in 1998.

According to the graph, after a slight decrease in 1998, the figure for female graduating in Canadian reached a peak of almost 150.000. However, apart from a brief decline again in 1998, the number of Canadian male graduates increases gradually over the 10 year timescale to finish at just under 100,000.




NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Downloading copyrighted music and books from the internet - IELTS Writing Task2 [6]

It is true that the internet has [...] consequences for both individuals and producers.

Hi Mohammed, let me help you to fix this.
First of all, you paraphrase the questions. But, please, to painstakingly choose the appropriate word
Consequence, it means something bad happend. In fact, the question is development.

I try to make my own thought, so I hope it can help you.

In this day and age, the internat can be accessed in 24/7. This attracts people to download legally a vast range of books and music for free. While this notion can exert adverse condition, I would argue that it overwhelmingly brings tremendous improvements
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Marcin Jakubowski Open-Source Blueprints for Civilization [5]

Hi, Alfin
here some advice for your writing

1. I find several misspeling such as traktor => tractor.
2. Please pay attention to subject verb agreement.
3. You should consider about grammar since you wrote inconstant verb in your essay


Unfortunately, I can not help you further correction, since I did not get what you mean there.

Marcin Jokubowski.
Marcin Jokubowski, born in Poland, has lived in America.

He graduated from University when...

When 20 years old, he graduated from college in Fusion Energy.

... he tried to farm in Missiouri, but he realized there are many problem...
After graduated and got Ph.D degree , he tried to farm in Missiouri. Unfortunately, he got plenty of problems that had to deal with.

KEEP WRITING :)
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : How I fell in love with quasars, blazars and our incredible universe - Jedidah Isler [2]

Hi Nurul
Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.

Jedidah Isler, AN observational astrophysicist,...
She studied some most of theMOSTLY exotic objects in our galaxy. Supermassive AND , hyperactive black hole ...
These gigantic black holeS are also devouring ...
These characteristics make them quasars and at the same time they produce ...
By the time, these characteristics make them quasars and they produced particle streams. It was by far namely jets that are moving at 99,99 percent of speed of light pointed directly on the earth.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Google's Driveless car - Sebastian Thurn [2]

Here some advice for your writing.

As a person who loved car, Sebastian Thurn, the director ...

Actually, this is too long sentence.
let me help you to fix this.


... save one million people every year. The reason why he took this way into account is that he lost his best friends due to a car accident, at 18.

[TheirHis(in fact, you did not mention anything that refers to a group of people before) car has sensors by which ...
... back to life, but he can do something for ... (conjunction issue)
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Negative Impact of Plastic Pollution In the Sea World [5]

Hi Yurike,
Here some advice for your writing

You can use article "the" to something that we know that is being discussed. So, in my opinion, in first sentence is not appropriate to use article the.

The birds is one of carnivore animalS in the world, which is huntinghunt a fish as daily food for live.life .

The birds make one ...
... noses is TO GIVE SIGN ABOUT dangerous sense.

... in the sea especially is cause apprehensive problem ...

... make the seabirds is usinguse the sight and ...

KEEP WRITING :)
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Personal essay to introduce myselve to my classmates [2]

Hi, Florian.
Here some advice for your writing

... biology in Göttingen, BUT PRIOR TO THATBefore, she was HAD BEEN an au pair in EnglandENGLAND DWELLER near Plymouth ... (well, frankly I wonder it is important to introduce your sister deeply?, in my humble opinion, I prefer to delete in last sentence since it is about you not your sister )

I want to learnAM ENQUIRING MIND REGARDING how to work in a big institute with A VAST RANGE OF people from ...
Furthermore, I´WOULD like to improve my speaking ...
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Disruptions to incumbent's campaign might be organized: Ahok team [2]

let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.
Just consider your flow writing in your essay.


THEREBY, IT BY FAR experienced disruption of society.
..., even tendED to drive out Ahok because ...

SURPRISINGLY, On 2nd November, Ahok was (...) since society WAS chaos and tryTRIED to repel him so thatTHUS, IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO BE safety by security personnel.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Keeping children for better education - TEDTALK [3]

Kandice Sumner, a tactful lady, paid attention to people who was unfortunate to obtain a high-quality school. She is a daughter of an officer of state (her father) and an educator (her mother). However, the principle of her family was that wealth was not the majority goals for future. She struggled to broaden her knowledge in days gone by since she had to take an hour from her home to get better education. In retrospect, she thought that it was a common activity that everyone wakes up at 5 o'clock and go to school afterwards. As she got older, she realized that there was any considerable disparity among people and not everyone had opportunities to get a school. There was by far about discriminating issue such as color skin or income. She felt that she should take responsible for this situation. For many years, she strove for cultivating books in a treasure trove of literature. At the end, she strongly emphasized that people should donate their money, resources or time to help them to get better future.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several benefits of practicing meditation [5]

Youngey Minyur Rinpoche, a meditation master, explained about how to meditation. He told that practicing meditation is not about to make to refresh our mind. It then can to alter difficulties into opportunities. In any case, it is believed that meditation have several considerable benefits to transform suffering into enjoyment and look for solutions for some problems. He emphasized that the advantages about this activity was narrowed down into three levels. It was consisted by refreshing the mind, opening the heart for love and compassion and awakening wisdom. Youngey suggested realizing our basic goodness, taking potential, capacity and good qualities into account for getting the point of joy of living. Surprisingly, he gave a sort of meditative techniques for basic level. It was easy to follow for mostly people since we needed to sit down comfortably, closed our eyes and totalled our breath for at least five minutes. Subsequently, people could add more time, whereas it was not suggested to beginner.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, as the world becomes more global, there is a new tendency to learn English [3]

Hi Dila,
Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.

... is a new tendency to produce language which can ...
This inevitably brings the mania to learn English. The m ania itself can be ...
The mania The eager beaver of learning ...
In China, learning English is instructed and managed by the ...
By the time, learning English is instructed and managed by state. Interestingly, it come up the largest proportion of english speaking country in the worldwide

Generally, the peopleIt is believed that by learning English ...
Despite,However, it is actually havehas to be recognized that ...
Knowing English of course a merit(I did not get what you mean here, and also, you lost to mention verb here) , as the individuals can engage in widerdeeper conversation concerned ...
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / A good environment with humble people only in a small village - english studio [6]

As we know, many people like to [...] who have recognized by him.

Please, add the instruction in your essay, so we can understand about the question

let me help you to help in your overview
Just make it simple in your overview and give a specific in your body essay.
Occupying in big cities can be extremely stressful. It is believed that people are more likely to live in a remote area since they have a bond each other. However, in this day and age people are bound to dwell in big companies rather than in a small village. I would argue that living in a small area is the best choice
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The community can come from villages or cities. Merits and demerits of Living in a Small Community [5]

... to help other people FOR solving many problems...
Secondly, the other advantagebenefit is giving fast respon ...
Different to advantage aspect,Apart from several merit effects, the small (...) impact or disadvantage. It can be lookinglooked for information receiving for the example. In technology and information era,In this modern era we cant'tcan not leave any information because since the information had been the main necessary in our life.

Therefore, If the range of community is small ...
Finally we cant'tcan not increase our knowledge else.
... information can be come came from large community (...) it has manymuch information to ...
In the conclusionAs a result, it is the small community ...
... small community or not, becauseas it can be determined the future life too.

Hi Yurike,
1. please consider your active and passive sentence
2. just try to replace because with another word : As, since or just try to make with another form (due to, because of)...
3. It should be good to write can not insted of can't since you learn to write academic writing
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / A healthy life for children - giving juice is not quite good beverage for maintaining their health [2]

In this day and age, parents should take children's healthy lifestyle into consideration. This is by far followed by nourishing them with a nourish diet. In this article, giving juice is not quite good beverage for maintaining them health. Thet should also consider about ingredients of the juice. To make such juice, pasteurization is needed for abolishing all bacteria. This way can also kill a vast range of vitamins and minerals. Therefore, it is suggested that youngsters eating fruit and drink water. Subsquently, many brands of juice have plenty of artificial sweeteners. Unfortunately, it brings several dire effects for children. They can get dental caries in the long run due to the consumption of juice. Consuming juice can have obese problem. The reason why is that its juice can increase blood sugar and blood pressure levels. It can then inflame the arteries and plenty of inflammation in the body. By the time, parents should opt 100 percent juice since it can rich in vitamins and antioxidants for leading a healthy life.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bringing up successful kids without over parenting [2]

Julio Lycott-Haims explains regarding the successful style to raise kids. There are plenty of ways that can help them to deal with the situation for future. Initially, it is extremely crucial to ensure that they consume the nourishing foods. It is followed by making sure that they get best education. By the time, it is suggested that parent are not only concentration on boosting their children to get higher scores/ grades but also encouraging them to take the leadership and the charities into consideration. In most cases, we easily find that parents have their own list how to manage their kids with several of activities. While this idea is utterly acceptable, she emphasizes that it is important to bring the spirit to take another chance. For example, parents can courage them to build such communities rather than join a club since a third level education want to see about this skill. It is necessary to strengthen them through chores and support them in having better personality.
NinaJoesuf25   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : The World's English Mania [3]

Your writing is great but there are some correction

... opened his speech withINTRODUCING REGARDING mania.
..., education, and other things( OR, TAKING MANIA MUSIC, EDUCATION OR THE OTHERS AS AN EXAMPLE). However, the most noticeable maniabaseD on this speaker ...
... a billion people use this LINGUISTIC SCIENCE. (LINGUISTIC IS AN ADJECTIVE) .

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