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Posts by mdamanhuri77
Name: Mohammad Daman Huri
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 4, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 35  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Surabaya

Displayed posts: 57 / page 1 of 2
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Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Did a Blind Man Climb Yosemite's El Capitan in a Day? [3]

The first blind climber ever was Erik Weihenmayer in El Capitan in a day On 26th September 2016. Elite team of climbers and mountaineers accompanied him, including Hans Florine, who had a record 177 times to climb El capitan. The team chose the route of East Buttres, the shortest one to el cap with 11 pitches and 1,500 vertical feet.

He was not worry about the duration. He and team set a blistering speed and passed another climbers on the road and reached the top in a short time at 3 Pm. It was around eight hours after they started. Weihenmayer had trained and enhanced his technique to chose the suitable approached and learned on Aconcagua that someone walked over though snowy.

He mittigated the potential damage for himself by walking in single way between two teammates who guided him in front of him. He kept one hand on that bags' friend. It was really struggle for him, so he never come up with this idea.
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The free movement of goods regulations and its impact on the domestic market [3]

These days, connecting between a country and anotherothers had become important (...) which had positifpositive and negatifnegative impact in order forto society.

... this regulation havehas enormous number (...), but the authority havehas to fit the condition.

This rule has become a common in the most country ...
... joined into the nation alliance that can allow to trade their ...
That can rise the provit and increasedincrease the economical condition.
... tax of goods that comes from outsideforeign country.

In contrast, it can give the opposite of result if the local entrepreneur donotdoes not have challenging sensesense of competition . The free movementtrade of goods would ...

... likely to choose other brands than original brand.
... foreign brand that have more low-cost than local brand. It can eliminate the native opportunity to develop and to endorse their label.

To sum up, it can provide merit for local brand if the government ...(you need to summirize the essay, not just a recomendation)
@ Alamsyah Ismail that's all about my advices,,keep writing
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hurricane Matthew due to hit Haiti with 210kph winds today [3]

Haiti faces a flsh flodds and wind storm extremely which was a terrible hurricane. Tha 4 categories of hurricane approach with maximum stable winds 201 kilometres per hours. This is hoped can pass without damaging the east areas of jamaica and then cross over to near by the south-western tip of haiti on Monday local time.

The National Hurricane Centre in Miami stated that the storm is forecasted to beat a little number of population in eastern of Cuba on Tuesday afternoon. The forecasters said the metres of rain could fall on several restricted areas of Haiti, blow up the fears of death and flood in the high level of deforestation country.

The warning of the hurricane is announced in Haiti, Jamaica, and parts of Cuba. The continous rain in part of jamaica cause flood and sink homes. The forecaster said that the sourthen haitian village would be in worst damagely.
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Over-grazing was the most dominant aspect of worldwide land degradation. IELTS chart [6]

... the predominant causes whyof agriculture land becomes...
(overall is good)

According to the given data, [...] of effected reason at almost one in ten. (it needs more specific others data)

By 1990s, Europe had land degraded almost a quarter ...
... almost less than a fifth and over-cultivation supplied zero impact. (need more specific too)
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Christina Warinner: Tracking ancient diseases using ... plaque (TED) [4]

Chritina Warinner, an archeological genetist at the center for Evolutionary Medicine at the University of Zurich, hope to well-understand abou evolutionary vulnerabilities of our bodies that we can enhance to mantain our health in the near future. She explained that there are different ways to approach it with extracting Human DNA from old bones and from this, she reconstructs the human genome at differents points for changing that might be related to adapt, risks factors and inherited diseases.

However, the most vital health challenges face the complex form and dynamic rather than just mutation of our genome. It interplays between genetic variation, diet, microbes and parasites. These disease revolute to complex component. In order to understand these disiases, we need to lear about the pas study of human genome and more holistic approach to human health in the past.

So, there are several numbers of challenges that we face today. We have to continue and research about this unique phenomenon research.
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary Task Every Kids Need Champion [6]

She iscomecame from educator families,..
So she cancould look at education reform...
Some of those changes havehad been good but some of them have been bad.
... and negative influences arewere the common reasons of the kids dropdropped out. She regretsregreted why people never discuss ...
... Comer that no significant relationship will be affected to zero significant learning.

hi dioba,,tha's a;; abou my advices for you,,keep writing properly yeah
Sep 29, 2016

A giant Volcanic crater named caldera on huge island in Hawai was formed by hot searing activity. The bottom of the caldera, there were lava and steams. Kilauea located in Hawai's Volcanoes National Park. Mauna Loa is another volcanoes in Hawai tha well-known too with hig geological activity. Hawai's Volcanoes was discovered in 1916. Nowadays, this park becaome the most visited with over 1.5 million visitors per year.

Kilauea was one of the most active volcanoes in the world since 1983. The visitors can have a look the eruption directly when they come there from a safe place. To see Kilauea's summit, the tourist can walk across the field which full of lava and this land is created by cold lava process as well as beatiful green scenery such as Lush rain forest.

Finally, volcanoes are not the only one center of interest in Hawaai to encourage the number of tourists. Little zoo such as the nene goos, carnivourus caterpillars and delighted face spider. So, there are a lot of activities that we can enjoy in the Hawaai's Volcanoes National Parks
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Proportion of Pupils Attending School Between 2000 and 2009 [4]

The table presentedshows the comparison of Proportions of Pupils Attendingattending pupils in Four Secondary School ...
... every school attendance had decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 exceptbut community school which ...

... of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second one is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance.

... of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.

... in 2009 Community Schools had increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance.
... Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth o f total school (...) also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance.

... lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.

the grren one is repetition,,you have to replaced with others,,and not efective explanation
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / A mobile fridge for vaccines (TED Summary) [3]

hello fauzan,,here are my feedback,,thanks

Vaccines which saved in same place to save food ...
However, the concept of this invention havehad been announced (...) Carre then being commercialized with...
The concept of this device iswas related to ammonia circulation.but unfortunately, it iswas not really effective even givegave bad impact to human body.

be careful of using past tense...
you need to use collocation properly

Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Camille A. Brown: A visual history of social dance in 25 moves [3]

Camille said that dance is language that can emerge and express a society. It not just a dance but, it is a choreographed by anyone who want to make a sequent body movement. Lots of people should realize that dance need a crativity both individuals and creative identity because social dances named Bubble Up changes and spreads like wildfire.

We have to remember about history of dance. In American-African dances how they could be influenced by history. These are fully adapted by creative movement in the present. We need a huge emotional spirit to create a choreography as like the Cakewalk, the dance that parodied by mannerisms of Southern high society. A mad thing about this dance is performed for the masters who never suspended of being fun.

In the 1980s and 1990s this trend countinued with the emergence of hip-hop, african-american social dance that more vixible that long last past. Camille end his TED's talk with "We speak a common language. We exist and we are free".
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The World's Best Towns for Outdoor Thrills [4]

Areas of beauty are always the best choice for outdoor activity especially for campers. We need a guide and plan for exploring strange areas. Here one of the top 9 Towns with Best outdoor activities. Moah, Utah. It has easy acces since it is in central acces point with beautiful parks in the United States. We will be ssurrounded by Rocks of arches National Park with a hundred mile green canyon. The visitors can climb in Alpine Forest.

There are several numbers of bike activities such as trail rides, technical rides etc tha can be the most favorite place for bikers. This a favourite route for advanced experience of cycling in Porcupine Rim.we can down-hill 200-foot cliif overlooking and turn in through the Juniper Woodland and pine Forest with artificial technic to drop along the way.

Outdoor events can be handle by local entrepreuners such as Bike shops and outdoor stores. Local community shoud tackle the position to increas selling goods in this whole area.
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary-Immortalising Human Brains at The World's Largest Brain Bank [4]

... they used to usinguse brains for medical research. They need a fresh brainmind that has to arrive in ...
... until arriving at McLean Hospital and havehas to be removed intact ...

First, a brain is weighed, after that then sliced in half ...
... frozen using a cocktail of drydrying ice and liquid nitrogen.
The frozen slices are then saved into deep ...
The other hemispheres is treated for examining and dissecting needs.

that's all about my advices,,,thanks
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why I Won't Get the Genetic Test for Breast Cancer (Article Summary) [3]

This summary is extracted from an article that published by Cynthia ...
These markers are able to give alert to the people who (...) genetic and endsend on breast or ovary cancer.
... execute the cancer threat isthat eliminate the organs ...
This surgery can causedbe caused /cause early startsstarting of menopause and as a results to symptoms of osteoporosis, ...
... strong reason to judge women who have high risk to get ...

hi fauzan,,that is my advices
you have to point out the double verb,you can change it with "that" "who" etc

Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rebecca MacKinnon: We can fight terror without sacrificing our rights [2]

The biggest issue for our democracy is how we reduce terrors without sacrificing and violating a human's right. Rebecca MacKinnon became several workers in journalist, researchers etc, she concluded that our democracy do not double down on securing and defending human rights.

Take Tunisia as the example, It was a succesfull country to revolute to be democracy country but five years after that, they got serious invasion by ISIS recruitment and the citizens ask the governement to take them safe with everything. Iyad el-Bagdhadu, an activist who make a joke of ISIS on Twitter and he got his account suspended because he shared about the leader of ISIS.

So, these social network companies has a vital role to discourse the public. They have to fix this problems to avoid inadequate way of people see now in the particular media. They need to be tranparrant to the Users about their mechanism. Rebecca believes that, finally, we can tackle the cutting-edge empowered network of extrimist to be more peaceful world in the future.
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / A record audience is expected to watch tonight's presidential debate [3]

Over 100 million inhabitans are hoped presenting the firts presidential open debate beetwen Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Most spectators will fulfill the capacity of the place where it will take place. In 1960, the firts debate in television between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon were wtched by 70 million US citizens.

According to kennedy, the debate was the condition to find out and breakthrough. The most valuable issue was a compulsory of televission growth. Nixon was estimated by listeners of radio to be better candidate, who the best candidate for the US Citizens. He regulate a rule of debates when he became candidate again in 1968 and 1972. After that the pattern of the debate this candidates used again in 1976.

Recently, the debate as the center of president campaign. The debates beetwen baragck Obama and Mitt Romney was watched around 67 million spectators and became the most favorite debate in 20 years. If this debate(beetwen Hillary and Trump) is attended by 100 million people, it will be a powerfull viewing figures.
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / In our daily life, we often meet strangers or our neighbors in the street and we just greet them [5]

hi sari trisna,,let me see and give you some advices

..., we often meet strangers or ourneighborsneighbours in the street and we greet ...
Nowadays, people have a mindset that strangers isare culprit, they can injurehurt us and we should to be waryworry to them.
... people usually feel more enjoy when they are open their inner selves to strangers comparedthan their friend or family. Because it is easy to share a story with someone (...) so it has lack of consequences.

#you use a simple way and sentences more,,you have to increase your ability to build sentences
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Jamie Oliver Talk About Obesity and Food [3]

... United States will die because of what they eat every day. In America, the biggest death factor is caused by heart diseaseheart attack which is diet-related disease.

... and start to cook and enjoyingenjoy fresh food. in 30 years ago, many foods available are local and fresh, but now, the big companies make (...) "real" food and offering fast food which ...

Ensuring what children eats in the school also ...
It is importantcompulsory to control the children (...) teach them to eat vegetables

hi yonathan,,that's all my advices
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Good News: The tech to change your grandma's life is already here (Summarizing) [3]

This daycurrently and age, either mine or grandma or all grandparents across ...
... from one place to another place owing to their condition.

Regarding to this problem, there isare some privates companies which kindly ...

This developing app still has to improveenhance their quality of service in order to (...) for disabilities and seniorelder citizen.

you need to decrease "-LY'",,it seems un-natural,,too many..
hi,,here are some advices for you,,thanks
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Speak Up for Syrian People [6]

The better world is for all of us.

Joseph asked the audience deeply and veryingtouched about freedom dan conscience.

the way you write has similar way to speech way, please make it more academically

hi @ Afdhel here are my advices.
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bill Gates finding about effective method of teaching [3]

Everyone need a coach to enhance our quality of doing something. Every people need a feedback, that is the way we improve . however, only a few group of people almost know a sistematically feedback to help them to do their job better. Trake teachers as the example, over 90 per cent teachers always give particular feedback in one word, "satisfactory".

When the teachers say it was satisfactory, Bill Gates said that he had no hope to be better. Our teachers deverse better and how we can help teachers to ehance their skills and performance. C hina is the best rank in reading proficiency because they give a adequate feedback and measure properly to the teachers as well as, of course, the teachers give feedback to the students.

Why it was so important? Because there are so many factors, teachers has their asses and evaluate their tudents to give a feedback to set up the best curriculume as methods in teaching.
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED How does cancer spread through the body ? (Ivan Seah Yu Jun ) [4]

Cancer has become a common problem yet because thorny problem in ...
The predominant qiestionquestion comes cancer distribution ...
... infect normal tissues such as, Transcoelomic, lL ymphatic and hH ematogenous.
aA nother mechanism, Lymphatic occurs when the cancer ...
the last mechanism is called hematogenous, it happens when cancer ...
... it forms small tumor known as mM icrometastases.

repetition of "occurs",,you change it with other words such as happen, held in,
you have done @ Ifan21..break a leg
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Teach every child about food [7]

Causes of death, people need a revolution for makemaking them healthy as like usual. F
... because of the food, many teenagers suffer an obesity. It made them cannot go anywherethey cannot go everywhere because of it ..
For example, the food asas like pizza. The food is not in fresh condition , because of the time many student eatingeat non-healthy foods at every time which are earlysuch asin the morning, afternoon and night.

... of vegetables and fruits .
Small childrenjuvenile should drink two ...
There are some materials that are worse as much sugar in there.
Sugar It can effect longer if children always drink it, just formfrom milk the impact ...
While, with the help of government by limiting ...

hi @ andika08
that's all my advices for you.
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Going to Mars Could Mess Up the Hunt for Alien Life [3]

America make a great celebration of Its Independence Day with moment properly by landing several thousand rovers on the surface of Mars in Twenty Years ago. The firts touch down that Pathfinder sapcecraft in northen-lowland called Planitia on July 4, 1997 with carrying a small rover named Sojourner.

They found a large number of stowaways in the form which has similarly microbes in Earth. However, scientist trusted that it would be not easy to susatin and cultivate life on Mars. The facts currently, the scientist have pointed out more than a dozen factors that make March as unsustainable for organisme to survive.

In 10 years by gone at NASA, conley had face several difficulties in job to keep Mars and set up prevention aliens organise for declining the quality of Ecosystem on Earth as well as human to seeding in other planet. In addition, scientis was always worried about security of planetary at the very beginning of spage time. Sputnik launched in 1957 seemed only about time before USA and The Soviet Union woul d start
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nadia Lopez: Why open a school? To close a prison [4]

When Nadia Lopez opened school, Mott Hall Bridges Academy in 2010, she had a straightforward purpose: Open school to Close prison. I think, She has a coarageous idea. The location of the school in Brooklyn which one of the most slums area in New York city.

She faced numerous problems such as finding teachers who were simpaty with sort of problems, funding for amenities, low parental attention ang badly neighborhood. This school started with 45 pupils with special need and live behind the poverty. She needed a more classroom which could be provided to them. However, now, at 98 per cent graduation rate and be going to several of the most competitive high scholls in New York City.

They start to revolute the education with mature who conduct love, structure, support and knowlegde. There are several things that inspire children to become more useful in the future. However, it is not easy duty. Several educators collaborate as a team to determine the best curricullum. It can be very helpful. They prepare the nest leader of the future to connect a success.
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How to succeed? Get more sleep. [3]

hi ibal

... of our mind is a small idea notion that can awaken much bigger thanothersones inside .
..., energetic and cheerful to face offup the life.
..., because they assume that it can increase their virility.
... people mostly tend to resttake a bad decision. For thatthese reason, IQ is not the Vitalan important subject that ...
For thatthese reason, sleep means that ...

#you move around to explain something, try to fix the sentences and collocation
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Violent Crime Rising in U.S. Cities Compared to 2015 [2]

hi ibe,
let me see your summary

in 2016 saw a dramatically increase of violent of crime in some majors U.S. cities. ThisIt continues to a trend which began last year , after decades, when criminal level fell. A

... there were over 307 more homicides in big (...) six months of 2016 thanthen the same period of 2015.
... have been around over 1,000 more robberies, over 2,000 more serious assaults and less 600 less severe shootings in 2016.
..., showed that out of the 51 citiestowns included in the survey, ...

#reduce the repetition od the same world
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn to understand of ourselves [4]

Most people strongly believe that they do not know well about their selves. In fact, the more we obtain knowledge of ourselves, the more we will realize that lack of insight into ourselves as well as the perspective of others about us. Benjamin Franklin was right when he wrote: "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self." Human has no interesting to become a dull with intervention about what their prove of their own life.

If we are able to see our potential and tallent which influenced by our behaviour and environment. Human should tend to perform their selves at daily life. Research into the great unique indicates that we are particularly fake when it arrives to judge the nature we take account into about most. The consideration about high hoped-for or undesirable. The study from university of california found that pupils' self-assesment of intelligence drill almost uncorrelated to IQ test Result. Those the vital thing that ocuured was overestimated their ability.
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Getting a job, earn your own money, have a happy family... how to make work-life balance work? [3]

hi giansy..

Getting a job, earnearning your own money, havehaving a happy family, are things of people dreamed hoped.
... because of unbalance between work-life and work (what do you mean? ). Almost worker get stressed out ofon this casethis case , all of the methods have been tryingbeen tried but it was useless. Some people even plan to start their activities from they woke up until sleep slept again, but the result is contrast with their plan.

Bases based on Nigels Marsh experience, (...) life from the simple waymoment .
..., sometimes people think toward without looklooking exactly they needed now.
... from school, accompany him tospentkill time playing together, ...

Sometimes, the problem solution?????? is surrounded us, but we didn't realize are unconcious it.
... you have, and you will be finding balance between your work-life and life

#please check your ability to build a sentence and collocation
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Weekend Rehab:Trying To Fight Off Pollution by Dawn Davis [2]

hi liedha

... terrible experience which is related to the air pollution.
... felt that treadmills an gyms and are not suitable ...
... bring my dog to the gym", as he said the reason of running ...
... air from the plants along the river, on the other handthen he just inhaled car ...
... him positive effect but on the other hand it just damagedamaged his skin, until he has ...

#most of good but sometime you do some repetiton
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / You are what you eat! Obesity is not problem anymore [3]

hi giansy,let me see your summary

Every women in this world already gettinggot engaged, gettingand married

... condition of human body, according to women argument stated.
... you should face your fate to close the obesityobese your body . This situation mostly happen in adultsmatures , where more than (...) called obesity is a global epidemic.

... based on his experience,said that the biggest problem ...
He said controlling your food supplyingsupply , It doesn't mean you should eat ...
We Shouldjust consume these food continuallyregularly and your weighweight will decrease.

#i think your conclusion is not rellevant with your explanation.
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / National geographic : the verge of rhinos' extinction [2]

hi mister jawa,,let me see your essay.

Polokwane, a homenatural habitat of the world's most (...) rhino horn trafficking.this location is approximately 4 hours from (...) (by what?,,better you write it down) , a natural homehabitat of the world's largest wild rhinoceros ...

Photographer Brent Stirton and his friend spedpace in two different cars ...

A dank roadside hotel became a chosenbest place to meet Groenewald. Few minutes later after meeting, then, brought them to meet ...
Ironically, the government paypaid less attention in this problem which leadsled to the biggest extinction of rhinos.

#you should pay attention to chosen word and collocation
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Arctic ice melt is killing birds and will leave caribou stranded [3]

The increasing loss of sea-ice whic caused by melting ice in Artics victimize the local ecosystems. Recently, artic se-ice is the second lowest sea-level during thi summer. Thus, species which ihabitant in sea-ice acquire the direct impact of this change, such as Ivory gulls.

Other species, Seabird and huge Zooplankton species will decline in warm climate. As concequences of melting ice will be seriously damage and Artic Animals will move to another island with well-climate. In canadian Islands, many animals also remain in citical ecosystems surounding. Sea-ice mak an genetic exchange which influence their productivity and diversity of these populations.

The connectivity among island declined and set to gain more worse condition in the near future, Jenkins said. Therefore, the animals there may become extinct. Lack of ice may also reduce the variety of the plants dooming them to become endangered. If we could not prevent or stant the sea-ice melting. It could not be easy to predict the future after this.
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Population, urbanization and environment [3]

hi ibal,,

In this day and agenowadays , someseveral global challenges such as ...
It is such a staggering rate of urbanization (...) land use and people lifestyle. This phenomenon concluded all problems such as a waste, pollution, erosion ... (too many example, sometime it is not relevant)

The forest area decreasingtime by timeover the time and the current environmental ...

#you shoul make it more coherent
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Pete Alcorn: The world in 2200 [3]

Pete Alcorn used to be a Malthusian. He has a mindset about model of the world: blowing up population and small planet is going to be a bad for inhabitans. The U.N's population data displayed that the trend of population in the world are going to decline. The economist see the decline with stagnatin and depression, but the dwindle of the population have two advantages economic impacts.

Firts of all, a few people need a few land to live in, so, it can reduve land use of slums areas in big cities. Cost of land will dropp and it begins to decline the rate of property. Secondly, a declining population means that job vacancy will incline because the number of population less that the vacancy.

After passing the declining phase, we wiil settle in and start adequate future. The transitions are dangerous phase to pass when the land owners lose their money and labor demand more salary. We carry on the bright future.
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary 10: Origins of Writing [3]

hai dils,let me see your essay

Ancient civilizations inhabitants believed that writing helps to ...
... permanent place in farming communities, writing system also developed.

The documentations revealreveals that writing system independently developed (...) created the first writing system in 3000 B.C. in ...
... bone around 1500 B.C. and while Ancient Maya created writing system as they applied symbols ...
However, related with the facts, the writing system that we use today can't can not be apart ...

#try to paraphrase the word "writing system"
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Quantum Teleportation over 7 kilometres of cables smashes record. [2]

World record for quantum teleportation have broken by Two team which can send quantum information 7 kilometres of fibre optic networks. In order to set a long teleportation need to exchange quantum cryptopic keys for encoding through fibres.

Quantum transportation is partical's travelling to another place with particular distance without phsycal travelling between them. We need three participants with one way teleportation: Alice, Bob, and Charlie, for instance. To make an exchange between Alice and Bob need cryptographic keys with setting up the storage for teleportation using charlie's help.

in outstanding, Alice transmits a particle (A) to Charlie. While Bob establishes a pair of entangled particles (B & C), then, sends B to Charlie and withstands on C. Charlie accepts both A and B, and assesses the particles in such a way that It is not Possible to tell whic particle was sent by Alice or by Bob. This is called Bell State Measurement result in quantum state of particle A is tranferred to particle C, whic is with Bob.

It can shorten the distance conceptually and become shortest one now with transmitting the particle particularly.
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The importance of teaching children how to distinguish right and wrong is undeniable [5]

hi..let me see your essay..

The importanceimportant of teaching children how to distinguish (...) punishment has been seen as an effective toolway to achieve this purpose.

... likely to be attracted by someseveral immoral or even illegal ...

Punishment without harmharming to (...) used to teach children to behave well. adequate. Grounding, for example, it could be a way to offer ...

... be used but parents and educationalistseducator s are better not to use...

too much repetition abot 'some" and others,,you should change with proper words
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Conditions of Water Supply In Indonesia [5]

hi pokpok..
let me give you some advices,

Water supply and sanitation in Indonesia isare characterized by poor ...
According to data, there isare over 40 million people lack access to an improve waterwater improvement and no access to improvedimprove sanitation. Only at about 2% of people have access to filth in municipal areas, thisIt is one of the lowest ...

Access to improved waterwater improvement source in 2004 was 77% (...) for drinking, washing, and essential menage to activities (what is it means? ), expressed as a ...

Urban sanitation is the least well- addressed of major ...
... and small burgs is posing population health hazardsposing hazard health of people though pollution (...) surface water sources are used by urban ...

PDAM taketakes the responsibility due to the fact ...

#the common problem is building sentence with meaningful
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bastian Schaefer: What do we know about future? Difficult question, simple answer: nothing. [4]

Bastian Schaefer: A 3D-printed jumbo jet?

What do we know about future? Difficult question, simple answer: nothing. Said Bastian Schaefer. He continued that we can not predit the future and only can create a vision of the future. Ideas always grow in our mind as a human. What imagined people in the past can be gradually pursued by the next generation.

For instance, the vision of the early 20th century said that they designed an ocean plane the future which takes only one and a half days cross the Atlantic Ocean. Recently, this dream didn't come true but we can make it better with our largest airplane which we have, the Airbus 1380. So, we have created our vision abaout more sustainable future of aviation.

Let's compare the old world with the new one. He shows the bracket of a380 crew rest compartment. It takes the classical designe rules. In another hand, with this 3D printing, the equal bracket was completely different and lifter. So, the aircraft designe for the future will be more easily grow and sustain that we never imagine before.
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it worth to move around in several different places during our lifetime? [3]

hi andhika, let me see your advices

Staying in onea place became a common regular situation in the past. However, in the revolution era, make people moved to another place. It has severaladvantagebeneficials and disadvantage drawbacka for both conditions.

Some peoplesaysaid that there were several interesing in the current locations. People who livelived in their hometown ...
It influenced people helped each other more.
Then, the effectimpact for family can helpedhelp 0r be helped in house. In contraston the other hands , there were disadvantages as well.

... would not have been many workworking chance, because, there are a littlefew field of employment.
I think there arewere more possible advantages of being people who moved from ...
... from new destination to lived live.
For example, people can share it to their parents and give the information about variation place .
Overall, i think there arewere more advantages if people moved from place to place.

#too much repetition "people".. it can be replaced by " colony. inhabitant, resident, society etc"
#you need to improve the ability of build a sentence and using goo collocation vocabs