Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ryan31
Name: Riandi
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 65
Posts: 96  
Likes: 15
From: indonesia
School: unj

Displayed posts: 161 / page 2 of 5
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Remember to Take Time for Yourself [2]

hello edho
it is a good summary
I have a few suggestions for you
hope it helps

Nowadays, most of children have spent ...

The reason for this is that they want to get a better grade in their ...

According to this article, all of the scholars in the United States have (...) cannot feel about the day off.

... eight out of ten of a third level education

... for students to maintaincure their stress.

... people can significantly reducebe reduced significantly their stress.

Another way to helpsolve this problem is that students have to ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Disruptions to incumbent's campaign might be organized: Ahok team [2]

Basuki "Ahok" Tjahaja Purnama as inactive Jakarta Governor since followed campaign for the election in 2017 got a rejection from several people in South Jakarta so that experienced disruption of society. A spokesman said this action certainly was influenced by parties to propaganda people for rejecting, even tend to drive out Ahok because the local people never conducted this violence previously.

On 2nd November, Ahok was stopping the campaign in Rawa Belong, West Jakarta since society chaos and try to repel him so that safety by security personnel. Nevertheless, one of the securities got injured as hardness in that place. Then, once time saw rejected when visited Kedoya, West Jakarta. Consequently, team success of Ahok had reported this situation to the Jakarta Elections Supervisory Agency and the police. This complaint will be processed as soon as possible and also involve the police to investigate this accident said the agency. In addition, not only Ahok can report about violence in the field but also other candidates since they had right.

thejakartapost
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Undergraduate / The Light Inside the Dark. Why would you be a good participant in UGRAD Program? [3]

hai madina
nice to read your essay
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

they want to escape to the desert island.

... thinking about studying in the other countrycountries . <<< (other + plural, another + singular)

As a result, I and other participants can acquire ...
consequently, other participants and I can acquire totally distinct vision to solve the problem.

Its aim is to teach children programming skills ...
it aims to teach the children about programming ...

... goal and doing the best iswas motivation. <<< past tense

Its existence makes things seemed...
the existence of this makes things seemed impossible to become real.

I can be a sufficiently good...

I hope that the program will enable me ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Easy DIY projects for kid engineers - summary ted [2]

Teaching to the student about making creativity product with a low budget. It was inspired when visited cosplay event and using daily routines materials such as a light-up crown and skirt. After that, try to conduct a flappy bird game into a box to attract the curiosity of children. It was better than playing a game in the smartphone, even when it was perpetuated in the youtube and directly got more than a million viewers in a few days. It can teach about it to children or maybe people attracted about engineering. Surprisingly, pupils were not only made this product but also played it into finish. Furthermore, children made a robot using standard technology kit such a piece of paper for decorating robot. Besides, they can start with paper and fabric as main materials so that it means the cost was very cheap since can find it in the house. Although they had been a skill to build a robot, another shape can create by themselves based on what they want. As a result, it will create a creative project in the future as using their brain to critical thinking about that. There were three approaches, firstly, having a low floor, it means you can get the materials so easily and get a simple product. Consequently, people can complete this project for under a dollar. Secondly, having a high ceiling. it means people had unlimited space to improve their creativity and feeling challenging. The last, the customization. Society can modify their project into what they want using paper and fabric. Finally, the citizen can make their own project.
ryan31   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you [3]

hai danial
you have a great writing
let me give you some corrections
hope it helps
1. make sure the words at least 250 since this writing only 223 words

I share an opinion on that family is more striking as I shall go on to show.

Firstly, the youngster learns from their parents ...

As a result of that, they are formed by family firstimmediate family and this makes ...

... about this period of the time commitment of crime may will be raising.

Secondly, juvenile spend as fewer time as ...
secondly, juvenile spend much time in house rather than in school. it appears to be true that there are a lot of learn routines in the home.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Expenditures allocated for five predominant categories in four different developed countries [2]

hai nda
here is my suggestions for you
hope it helps

... developed countries in 2009 iswas illustrated in the bar chart.

on refreshment,(comma) while others (...) expenditures inon housing.

It was followed by the United Kingdom

... the largest proportion inon transportation, while the others ...

... for refreshments rather than for housing and transportation.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Train soldiers for war. Let's train them to come home, too [2]

Hector Gracia as Psychologist wants to help people suffering PTSD. Nowadays, this can be eliminated since a research released that treatments actually get rid of symptoms. Furthermore, it turns out, the using of PTSD for military and preparing war. Warriors enable to use the devastating weapon, while good at applying the sophisticated training methods. However, they do not have any preparation to go home. The reason for this is their traumatic about the war. It is different than erasing memory because veterans always remember about that war, yet with a little training , those memories are no longer painful as they once were. The best treatment of ending human suffering caused by war is to never go to war. Eventually, scientists should give a reflected that there are a lot of beautiful places to back home and also change the mindset of a soldier to go home.

source : ted.
ryan31   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007 [2]

hai ms eve
I have few corrections for you
Hope it helps

... information about the optimumestimated rate of Asian elephants ...

... similarly in the latter period, except Laos and Cambodia, while India broke ...<< do not forget to use comma

This record was followed by Thailand ...

Eventually, the lowest one proportion of elephants washas appeared in the...
... rate of changing were Sri Lanka and Vietnam in the latter year.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about the number of prisoners in five developed countries over eight decades [2]

A breakdown of the information about the number of prisoners in five developed countries over eight decades measured by thousands is represented in the bar chart. Overall, it is really essential to notice that United State dominated the total of imprisonment during 50 years, apart from in 1990 and 1950 since those years was led in Canada.

Initially, Canada experienced in the top rank, while Great Britain occupied in the bottom position. In the following next decade, United States took over the first position. By 1950, several countries experienced an alteration, while others had same proportion.

Comparing to the countries, United States led almost all periods and never took in the last position. Canada dominated in 1990 and 1950, while got the second position in the remaining decade. New Zealand got the highest percentage in 1990 at around 100%, yet at least in 1950 at roughly five out of ten which had middle position. There was an alteration in Australia which had 50% in the beginning, nevertheless it rose to 60%. Eventually, the proportion of Great Britain saw an increase from 1900 to 1980, while in 1970, it had same percentage with Australia and New Zealand.




ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / All regions in Canada had the highest percentage of international alumni in 2006, apart from Alberta [3]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of international alumni from the third level of education in several Canadian regions between 2001 and 2006 measured by percent was illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, all regions had the highest percentage in 2006, apart from Alberta.

Initially, there were three provinces that had more than 6%. It was followed by Alberta and British Columbia. Although both regions had more than 4%, Alberta was higher than British Columbia. Surprisingly, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percentage at 3 %. This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%

In 2006, a more detailed looked at the bar reveals that there were only three areas getting more than one out of ten consists of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia. This was followed by Quebec at around 8%. After that, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percent at roughly 7%. Then, Ontario had 6%, while Alberta occupied in the last position at approximately 4%.




ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of merchandise in million tones that has been carried in UK by four modes of transport [5]

hello reski
I have some suggestions for you
hope it works

The line chart gives the information about (...) in million tonestonnes that hashave been carried in UK by four modes of transport sincefrom 1974 to 2002.

... be seen that, there was upward (...) the same period, while, Pipeline was the smallest (...) to carry off goods.

During 1994-2002 there was upward trend by four transportation ...
Over eight-year period, started from 1994, there was upward trend by four model of transportation and it based on the figures, the number of road which was used bigger than others at roughly 90 million tonnes.

Others under of 50 million tones and the smallest ...
the number of goods transport was the smallest proportion which had 50 million tonnes

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / High Education for Arabic Woman is Rare Phenomenon [6]

hello yuri
it is a good summary
let me give you some advice
ButHowever, this statement still rare in the Arabic country, ...
For according from the result (...) just for men not for the woman . The woman just to marriedmarry in younger age to builtbuild a family with her husband,

They are come from politic activism ...
They have come from politic activism among university student, teacher, or wife of household.

... the motivation to get the higher education still now that is getting an independent life and not always on depend toon men for their life.

... the education can controlmanage a better life for her. Finally, the higher woman (...) wants becomingto become the role model for ...

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of money spent on five different items in four developed countries in 2009 [4]

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of money spent on five different items in four developed countries in 2009 measured by percentage is shown in the bar chart. Overall, all countries spent their household budget on housing, apart from Japan.

Turning to housing, United States was led in first position at more than a quarter, while the last was occupied by Canada at approximately two out of ten. In health care, United States also took in the top rank, whereas United Kingdom at below 5%.


Comparing the countries, it is found that the United States showed superiority proportion both housing and healthcare at 26 and 7 percent respectively, however it was occupied in the last position on clothing and food. Meanwhile, Japan predominated on food, yet was the lowest on transportation. At the same time, Canada witnessed the highest rate on clothing at 5% and transportation at roughly 20%, whereas it expensed on housing was the least.




ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Natural Exotic Flying Park on The City [4]

hello yuri
I have some advice for you
hope it helps

1. try to arrange your vocabulary such as replace 'because' to another word for example due to, since, as, because of, the reason is
2. modal + V1


Transportation is the important aspect to mobilizationmobilize the people from one place to another place in the city .

Train is one of kind land ...
Train is one of the great land transports which is utilized by citizen whole the world.

The train has the line in (...) of height, is it called high line.

But in this modern era, the train ...
but in this sophisticated era, the train has been built above the ground of the city.

... one person in a mounthmonth that is killed ...

..., the high line must be a collapse but it is not solving the problem and need ...

Finally, the other solution is changing ...
Eventually, the another solution is changing the high line of train in several city into park city towards the beautification of the city.

... and the citizen can enjoying the city building.

..., it needs one hundred dollars to builtbuild up in over 20 years tim period. It can take from increasing of taxes in the city.

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about the alteration number of elephants in several Asian countries [2]

A breakdown of the information about the alteration top number of elephants several countries in Asia between 1997 and 2004 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, it is really important to bear in mind that there were eight countries which had the highest elephant population in 1997, apart from Cambodia. Nevertheless, Laos had same maximum population both 1997 and 2004.

The highest level of estimation population elephants was recorded in India in both years. This was followed by Myanmar at approximately 5500 and 4800 in 1997 and 2004 respectively. In 1997, the third position was occupied by Thailand, while Sri Lanka also takes this position in 2004.

There was an alteration when comparing Malaysia after a seven-year period since the large gap appeared to be true by 2,000. Turning to Vietnam that had the number of elephants population decreased by 100 in 2004. Surprisingly, the contrast was seen in the proportion of Cambodia which experienced an increased to 1500 in the same year. Eventually, Other proportions were only a small proportion.




ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Marcin Jakubowski Open-Source Blueprints for Civilization [5]

hai alfin
It is a good summary
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... until now he lives in America.

After graduated and got Ph.D degree, he tried to farm in Missiouri...
After graduated, he got a Ph.D. (...) to farm in Missouri , but he realized there were many problems so that needs a ...

... to make his farm to be a better production .

But, he realized that he useless because for processing his farm need a high cost becausesince he must (...) to help him on farm.

... must pay someone to repairedfix it.

Despite, he already repairs his traktortractor , but after that isit brokes again.

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Jean Paul Sartre thought is eligble in 21 st [4]

hello hasan
nice to read your essay
let me give you some advice
hope it works

... Indonesians for many years is with his movies (...) a luxury life such as BMW, sophisticated ...

... not aware of itsthis impact. It is a new strategy of the capitalist system which beis applied from the media.

Capitalist system which has gradually emerges...
... huge problem in thethis decades which are faced by society .

The Philosophers, however, do not keep silence of it.
However, The Philosophers does not keep it silence.

... the key of figures in philosophy of ...

These propagandas are greatly handy ...

When the others philosophers stag ...
Meanwhile, the others philosophers stag to make a new paradigm of people in the public sphere.

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The ways to keep your coffee hot [2]

hai nina
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

the article reveals the information about how to ...

The writer did some experiments cooler his coffee.

..., cup 2 had not lidlied and the third cup ...

After several minutes, in consequence the cup without a lid was cooler ...

Surprisingly, both of coffees had same temperatures since the plug ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The density of aging people in three developed countries [2]

A breakdown of the information about the percentage of the density of aging people in three different developed countries over one century started in 1940 was showed in the line chart. Overall, all figures experienced an upward trend. Even though the USA predominated in the beginning, Japan dominated in the end of the period.

Initially, the figure showed USA dominated proportion of the population aged 65 until 1990. It was followed by Sweden has a similar trend like USA, but occupied in the second position. After that, Japan decreased gradually and take place in the third position.

Turning to 2000, Sweden increased dramatically to 16% and takeover USA so that leading the proportion in aging aged. USA experienced decreased gradually to 14%, while Japan saw increased slightly to 5%. In 2020, USA still same proportion in this year, yet Sweden witnessed increased gradually by 15%. Japan saw a remarkable increase of around 8%. Eventually, all countries experienced an increasing, while the proportion rocketed to around 27% was recorded by Japan.




ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : The Beauty of Human Skin in Every Color by Angelica Dass [3]

hello edo
it is a good summary
I have some advice to you
hope it works

... shared about her family's background which is comes from a ...

... a dark chocolate toneskin , her grandma has ...

... she told about how people thinkthought about her skin and also how she got ...
Actually, <<<< do not forget to use comma

... single person decided to (collocation ) that she was the maid and it made her sadness.

... to make a project which is utilizedutilizesby people together ...

... and she becomes the one of inspiringone of the inspiring women to be against about skin color.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Jokowi congratulated the United States President-elect, Donald J. Trump [3]

hai edho
I have some advice
hope it helps

... government and all of the people in Indonesia,...

... ready to continue of the mutual diplomatic ...
... and welfare throughout the world.

He won the United States election by 273 ...
He got 273 electoral votes, whereas his rival Hillary Clinton only had 218 electoral votes. It is true that Donald Trump won the election in the USA.

Donald J. Trump won the election because the United States has a policy ...I think it is unnecessary to mention this sentence since readers get the point from the previous sentence

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about alumni of the canadian third level education, over a 15-year period [2]

A breakdown of the information about alumni of the canadian third level of education over a 15-year period started in 1992 is showed in the line chart. Overall, it is really important to notice that both figures performed similar pattern-an upward trend. The woman broke the record as the highest one.

Initially, during in the first 8-year, the number of graduates by men stood at around from 70,000 to 72,000 and it witnessed fluctuated. However, the proportion of women at roughly 100.000 to 120.000. It is noticeable that the gap was similar between the figures.

Turning to 2002 - 2006, by 2002, the alumni of women had increased dramatically to 110,000, while graduates of men escalated as well to 78,000. In the following three years, the gap between this trend witnessed widened with men and women at 90,000 and 145,000 respectively. Eventually, In the end of period the level of women's alumni reach a peaked at 146,000, whereas men occupied at 95,000 number of graduates.




ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Break a bad habit just like to pay attention on something. [3]

hai dika
I think it is a good summary
let me give you some advice
hope it helps

First, Ee volution of learning process (...), it consistsbothofpositifpositive and negative enforcement.

For example, (<<<< do not forget to use comma after example)the taste of some food that makes you want to eat more.

...send a signal to the body such a remember about food that you eat and where you find it

There are several causes such as ways, ...
... that makes you feeling good and feel better like chocolate, the same process ...

Brain is always trytrying to push us to ...

This effects makes not ...
Another examples from natural brain prosesprocess , smoking is bad for people ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Line Chart : The number of University Alumni in Canada for 15-year Period [2]

hai edho
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... alumni in Canada for THE fifteen-year period.

Overall, despite all proportion having an upward (...) men and it'sit is led them to ...

According to the chart, in 1992, << after year using comma
... graduated in Canada withat around 90,000 and men ...

... the number of graduatedS in Canada decreased gradually atto 100,000 for women ...

... showed that, between 1999 and 2001, while female's alumni (...) witnessed a fluctuatefluctuation trend.
... figures showed a dramatically dramatical increased in the proportion of ...
Thus, graduate's numbers ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY : 4 WAYS TO BUILD A HUMAN COMPANY IN THE AGE OF MACHINES [4]

Nowadays, human's job is replaced by the robot. This is due to the fact that robot more efficient than human and also human more complicated and difficult to manage. In the organization or company the leader have to build up the beautiful atmosphere in the workplace. After that, it is clear that robot does human's activities and make it amazing. Based on this trend Tim Leberecht launching about four methods to build a human company in the age of machines. Firstly, do the unnecessary, it means although the company thinking about the profit for their business, create no pressure situation in the workplace so that employee's performance will be better. Secondly, create intimacy, it opposite the loneliness. It is talking about build a great circumstance such a create a good relationship between manager and employee in the office it also makes the atmosphere more convenient for workers so that the amount of employee is not experiencing a decrease, even survive until the end of the business since they enjoyed work in that situation. Thirdly, be ugly, it means not only the alteration in the workplace, but also in their appearance such as wearing a wig for the hairstyle so that it will be entertaining one another. The last is remain incomplete, human characteristic involved in this method since making workplace feels at home so that they can organize or socialize with each other easily without any obstacles. In conclusion, although the presence of cutting-edge technology can replace a human in the office, it never replaces those methods.
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED - nine life lessons from rock climbing [5]

hello lincoln
I have some suggestions for you
hope it works

1. I think you should put the source in the end of this summary
2. I prefer to choose words than number for opening sentences
3. If the number below twenty, you can put it into a word


... a professional climber, he has been climbing two dozens rocks of years.

... he reveals there are 9nine values which ...

1)firstly , Fear is a mistake.
... to take a step, it means finished, we will fall into ...

Focusing on your little steps , it will be help you to attain your goal and target .

2)Secondly , design your ...

Most people becomeS disappointed and hopeless,(...) confront with<<< collocation
the difficulties and be ready in their delicateharsh situation.
Itsit is aim is to have a ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The controversial of Trump was elected as USA president [2]

hello hitam manis
I think it is a good summary
but let me give you some advice
hope it works

1. you should input the address of the website that you visited
2. repetition of the name of 'Trump'


According to economist.com said , Donald trump has won (...) president that was peaked at more or less 85 % compared to Clinton who was supported by democratic that justwhich havepeaked at roughly 23%.

The other reasons.(without dot) all of the white (...) the fact that Trump he will be uplift themwhite people.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / writing task 1 : the number of guests visiting music on the internet [2]

A breakdown of the information about the comparison in the amount of guests in two genres of music on the internet over 15-day is showed in the line chart. Overall, it is noticeable that the proportion of both music choice and pop parade illustrates an upward trend. While, the highest position is occupied by a pop parade at the end of the period.

Initially, the figures show a widen up the gap between the level of music choice at 40,000 and pop parade at 120,000. It is followed by 7-day, a fluctuation is showed by visitors visiting music choice sites at 20,000, whereas the number of pop parade decreased dramatically to 40,000, and it represents the gap between lines is narrow down. Then, on 8-day, both of figures a gradual increase to 42,000 and 40,000 respectively. Then, from 9-day until 11-day, a remarkable increase occurs in the level of the pop parade to 150,000, yet the number of music choice decreased slightly by 18,000.

Turning to the day 12 until 13, both the figures experiences an intersection so that the level of music choice predominated the trend. In the next following day, the proportion of pop parade dominates, with rocketing to approximately 160,000.At the same time, the level of music choice illustrates an increase as well to roughly 120,000. Eventually, the number of visitors on pop parade sites reaches a peak at 170,000, while a slight decrease to around 75,000 is recorded in the level of music choice.




ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Global Dangers of Trump's Climate Denial [2]

Donald Trump who is selected as president on America's election. It will trigger the alteration about the regulation of environment especially in climate change and also replace Obama's rule. He forces to humankind to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions. The reason for this is the effect of this trend widespread immediately if human still wastes their emissions to the ozone layer. For instance, human-influenced such the burning of fossil fuels also has a big role. Donald Trump realizes this disaster is a huge treat for a human being. Thus, he makes several rules about to tackle this situation such an against tax credits so that it easier to enterprise who have the wind and solar power industries to boost their production. As a result, he wants to extend relation between all countries to utilize all types of alternative energy and it also reducing fossil fuels even though he believes this holocaust maybe gives a big effect until a couple hundred years later.

source : news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/11/president-trump-global-climate-change-denial-environment/
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Letters / UNIPDU FT-D letters to Halmy ijul. Beautiful city [3]

hello fahrizal
I have some advice for you
I hope it helps

I have a lot of stories in my city Mojokerto. This city is a very beautiful cityto visit .

Last week, I was on a vocation to many ...

If youR vocation in my city, I will invite you ...

I feel how a waterfall'sfeelSfeeling into my body ...

I do not want to tell meyou now, because I want you ...

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY about the necessity of reading [3]

hai oretes
it is a good summary
let me give you some advice
hope it helps

On the TED talks, Tai Lopez...

It has called mentor (...) the law ofat 33%.

... life for people lower economic than him, 33% forof his colleague and peers...

... stay humble and while looking for mentors we should ...
At last, more read books over and over again, thenand let it become your friend.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Animals Eat Ocean Plastic because it Smells Like Food [3]

hai abul
it is a good summary
let me give you some advice
hope it helps

... as it can be harmful for (preposition of harmful is 'to') hundreds of marine ...

... those sea creatures smell the plastic like food.

... tons which form in tiny or rice-sized particles in 2004.

... marine animals feed themthat .

... plastic due to itsit is similar appearance to ...

... sulfide (DMS) which has the sulfur odor ...

..., said that DMS looks like a dinner bell.
... their foraging mode.for food.

thanks
ryan31   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / A questionnaire result about parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010 [4]

The pie chart reveals the information about the proportion of questionnaire result of parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010 and it is measured in the percentage. Overall, all services have experienced an alteration. In this case, while satisfactory and very poor experienced a decreasing trend, the opposite was seen in the remaining figures.

Initially, more visitors claimed the customer service was satisfactory at 45%, compared to other figures. This was followed by poor option at approximately 21%, while 15% was recorded in the chart for very poor, visitors said it was good at 14%. A small proportion saw in excellent.

Turning to 2010, the highest percentage was experienced in good at twice higher than the figure for satisfactory accounting for 17%. Following this, a significant jump by 24% saw in the excellent figure, boosting it to occupy the second position. This was in contrast to the figure for both poor and very poor seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.




ryan31   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should Businesses Only Concentrate to Make Much Money? [8]

hai anna
I will give you additional advice for your essay
hope it helps

... job and start to begin business. They makes a business to ...
Focus on makingearnings money is the way ...
... some things that businesspersonbusinessman should notice too.

Many businesses are in the good trading ...
How to make much money by business?<< avoid using questionnaire

... business is about competecompeting to sell something ...
They have to make a familiar own-label ...

Besides, owner also must notice the other side.
Since makingearning much money from ...

In conclusion, profit is the focusaims of entrepreneurs that ...

thanks
break a leg
ryan31   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Overeating in wealthy countries - a problem that is greater than hunger to other. [6]

hai jessi
I think it is a good essay
let me give you some advice

Eating habit has been always the main concern of people in ...
nowadays, habits problem in eating is one of the main concerns in society.

One is thatfirst, the high - living standard in ...
For example, surroundingit is surrounded by numerous restaurant (...) also specialties from other cultures , they are compelled ...
Another underlying reason could be that ...

Besidesthat , bad advertisement, (...) unhealthy food, itshoudshould be banned. Eventually, the ultimate solution liesdepends on individuals, each person should be balanced their life, ...

thanks
good job
keep writing
ryan31   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / We should take notice that some insects are important in our daily life. One of them is the silkworm [2]

The diagram gives the information about the silkworm life cycle and also illustrates the process of silk cloth production. Overall, there are four stages of silkworm lives, it begins with eggs being laid by the mother worm until the eggs are becoming the moth and produces eggs again during 16 days. While the process of silk cloth production has five linear steps from selecting cocoon to in the dye process.

The life cycle of silkworm starts with the eggs transform into silkworm larva in ten days and it eats leaves such a mulberry leaves to grow up, after four to six weeks to changes to silk thread and produce larva. During three to eight days it turns again into a cocoon. Eventually, the cocoon transform into moth around 16 days, it grows up to produce eggs and recycle again.

Turning to the process production of silk cloth, initially silk thread shells are selected and boiled into the water with hot temperature. After that, the shells goes to unwind process so that produce 300-900 thread. Finally, it puts into twist and weave process. Then, all of it is ready for dye process in any color to being attractive.




ryan31   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The developing, modern world makes very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle [2]

hai rezki
your idea is so good
but let me give you some suggestions
hope it helps

... healthy lifestyle is one of neednecessities by people.

avoid using because in first sentenceThis is because developing of world development and many more activities orand jobs, people will forget to discover their bodies.

the Unhealthy life, can be caused (...) or do not have much time to dofor sport.

They are so busy andso that it makes them consume dangerous food, such as Junk (...) which is simple to eaten . <<< (after 'to' is V1)

... lifestyle always there arehappen in daily activity, but we can avoid ...
Because, the world have + V3becamebecome developing, many facilities ...

I recommended you to use pattern from ielts buddy for body 1 and 2
- paraphrase your idea
- reason
- example
- results
all of it is to control your main idea


good job
keep writing
ryan31   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Arts classes are essential for students when they have an ability of painting and drawing [3]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Student in Art classes is useless when they do not have both ability of painting and drawing. Then in this case, children must be focused on creative and practical knowledge to broaden their horizon and get more skills. Although creative and practical subjects are important for student, I am more likely to claim painting and drawing should be taught as a mandatory subject for all student during studying in the school since student's knowledge should balance without exception.

Practical knowledge is essential for student. This is due to the fact that it makes children more easy to deal with real life situation in the future. For instance, a current survey from education ministry of Indonesia shows that 70% of student learning creative and practical subjects can produce good performance in the workplace since have much experience after go to the field. As a result, student easy to solve the problem when face with the hardness of work.

However, it is inevitable that art classes would help student to reach same precentage with other subjects during studying in the school. The reason for this trend is this subject can balance student's knowledge in all subjects . A great example for this situation is United states education council released the result of survey in 2014 that showed 80% of student who learn about painting and drawing can produce a valuable product than student focusing only on practical subjects. Consequently, art classes is more effective for student rather than only study about general subjects.

In conclusion, even though practical knowledge is pivotal, student should should learn about arts to equalize their knowledge while studying in the school. I recommended role of government is important to create a new curriculum involving arts subject so that all school can apply this subject and make student easy to reach a achievement.
ryan31   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The wallet of Europeans under scrutiny - 6 CONSUMER GOODS IN 4 EUROPEAN COUNTRIES [3]

hai hathu
It is a good essay
I have little corrections for you
hope it helps

... the differences in spending amountthe expenditure of 6 consumer items (...) countries namelyconsists of Germany, Italy, ...

... the consumption of each goods in Britain plays ...

While France pays least in these goods, Britain maintainsit is leading position and reach itsa peak at 160 ...

thanks
keep writing
ryan31   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of gold, silver and bronze medals which were obtained by ten countries in 2012 Olympics [2]

The table gives the information about the number of medals consists of gold, silver, bronze which obtain in ten participant countries in 2012. Overall, country's rank is influenced by the quantity of gold. It is noticeable that the United States dominated all countries with their total gold.

Turning to top five ranks, United States had 46 gold medals so that occupy in the first position. Then, the second place was China which was gaining 38 gold medals. Great Britain came in the third with 29 gold medals. Although Russia had superiority number of bronze at 32, it still in fourth since gained 24 gold medals. The composition number of silver and bronze in South Korea was a minority, but it can take fifth with 24 gold medals.

On the other hand, even though Germany had bigger total all medals than South Korea with 44, it is not influenced rating due to the quantity of gold smaller than South Korea. Whereas France had the same number of gold medals with Germany, but it can not exceed the gain of bronze and silver. Italy and Hungary had similar gold medals, but Italy is better because of a total of bronze and silver above Hungary. The last position was occupied by Australia with 7 gold medals although the sum of bronze and silver can surpass ranked above it.





Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳