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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 34)

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Deep Roots (College Essay)

3 - @mualla I really appreciate your feedback. This is a Common App prompt. I am just confused at why...

Undergraduateclair_L - Dec 28, 2016 / clair_L - Dec 29, 2016
"My heart is in the work". Carnegie Mellon's mission and morals reflect my own.

3 - @Shraf39 Oh ok, thank you so much. I will get to that right now...

UndergraduateShraf39 - Dec 28, 2016 / Shraf39 - Dec 29, 2016
Yale supplementary essay: Sociology and Library

2 - @wendyli328 I'd like to suggest something to your first essay, it is really good and pleasant to read, you...

Undergraduatewendyli328 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
Duke, Why Trinity? : Program II, availability of choices

5 - @sd6599 No don't restructure your essay, the strenght of your essays is about the deep interest you have on...

Undergraduatesd6599 - Dec 27, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
Sitting on the backseat of the car - Harvard Supplement.

3 - @khatanbuuveibold By the virtue of being a teacher's child, for the last 11 years, I have gone to...

Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 25, 2016 / scgoalie00 - Dec 29, 2016
Alumnae interactions and exceptional faculty- Wellesley supplement

3 - I like the idea of this essay, I can see why you want to attend the school! I think...

Undergraduatepotatohead - Dec 28, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 28, 2016
After the It Girls Overnight Retreat, I knew Syracuse was the place for me- WHY SYRACUSE?

4 - @Shraf39 So do you want me to put quotations around "It Girls Overnight Retreat"? I am a bit confused...

UndergraduateTajonae13 - Dec 27, 2016 / Tajonae13 - Dec 28, 2016
Why specific Area and Yale? - Yale Short Answer

2 - First, I would like to congratulate you for being specific. However, I feel that you can focus the two...

Undergraduatekhizirsiddiqui - Dec 28, 2016 / TheIndoBoy25 - Dec 28, 2016
My Motivation for applying to Lafayette College

3 - @Holt Thank you and God bless for your advice and review. I will work on it Lafayette has...

UndergraduateOsiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
We challenge our students to 'be comfortable being uncomfortable'. Georgia Tech Supplement Essay

4 - 'I want to quit!' I thought after a long day's work in the restaurant. 'I am so exhausted and...

UndergraduateCrystor - Dec 27, 2016 / Crystor - Dec 28, 2016
As an American Muslim, I love immersing myself into conversations.

5 - Mualla, if there is nothing else that you want to add to the information in your statement then, I...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
Cornell Engineering Essay - for the Artificially Intelligent

5 - Yes, this definitely speaks to your interests on a better scale than the first version. Consider that you have...

UndergraduateYomanAwe - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
The one particular friend. College Essay for Virginia Tech.

3 - Ryan, your essay deviated in focus from the prompt towards the end. The discussion is about you and a...

Undergraduatemeinhouston - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
CHESS. Tons and tons of losses helped me to understand the simple, yet elusive, essence of a game.

3 - Hello Bat, i think you spent most of your words in setting up your essay. By the time you...

Undergraduatebmb_orgil - Dec 28, 2016 / l3atjin - Dec 28, 2016
Cornell engineering essay - my contributions to the engineering field

4 - Yes, I really believe that only some slight adjustments and developments are necessary to make the essay more interesting...

Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
Tech's motto is Progress and Service. What is your role in your family? Max 150

4 - Zhao, if you want to still use the original essay, you can call yourself the "tie that binds the...

UndergraduateCrystor - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
Beyond rankings, location, athletics, why Georgia Tech? Why Gatech?

8 - Benny, please consider removing the reference to the Japanese club. From the way I read the essay now, the...

UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
"Buy nine more, get one free!" Common App - Identity Essay (Boba drinks Story)

2 - @MasterPhantom This is an excellent essay and I really like it. However, I feel your essay is too wordy,...

UndergraduateMasterPhantom - Dec 28, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
Why Duke? To be part of the next generation of global leaders and technological innovators

7 - @Holt Thanks again for your expert perusal. God bless you. Kindly help me revise my essay...

UndergraduateOsiremiza99 - Dec 27, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
My future still remains as foggy as it has been before - Common app

3 - @Buyanbatbunga First of all, I think you should consider adding more flow or transition between your sentences.Second of all,...

UndergraduateBuyanbatbunga - Dec 28, 2016 / bmb_orgil - Dec 28, 2016
Learning Spanish through another lens - a cultural immersion (Dartmouth Supplement)

4 - I was thinking somewhere after the 2nd sentence in the first paragraph. Maybe say something about how you were...

Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 27, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 28, 2016
Satisfaction in the old lady's face. Essay on a person who has influenced you in a significant way

3 - @angeli6778 Thank you so much for your review! I am applying to Princeton undecided. So, I did not include...

UndergraduateShriZohn - Dec 28, 2016 / ShriZohn - Dec 28, 2016
Being a music software producer is my goal and I hope that GT will help me fulfill it

11 - Yes, I like that a lot better....

UndergraduateCrystor - Dec 26, 2016 / TJLuschen - Dec 28, 2016
Barnard - majored in unafraid - The only girl in Computer Science

8 - @Holt Hi Holt... Like you said, I wrote about another time I majored in unafraid. This is my...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 26, 2016 / mualla - Dec 28, 2016
Many "how" or "why" monumental questions in my mind. University of Pennsylvania essay

3 - @scgoalie00 I really think you could paraphrase the first paragraph to be more read-able (Maybe omit the parantheses when...

Undergraduatescgoalie00 - Dec 28, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 28, 2016
From Calculus 12 to literature interpretation; my mind was always wide awake in English class.

4 - @speechhopeful I was also wondering about whether or not to mention the math part. I was trying to...

Undergraduatedigestadonut - Dec 27, 2016 / digestadonut - Dec 28, 2016
"How did you do that?", 'I love mathematics' - MIT first two short essays

4 - @Crystor I really appreciate your grammar corrections, english it's not my native language so I can have mistakes sometimes,...

Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 27, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 27, 2016
The value of patience and the lesson to be learned with my every loss

10 - In my opinion, you should stick to only one topic for discussion in the essay because the reviewer can...

Undergraduateshag - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
Exposed to counting. How the quest for a shooting star shaped my life.

10 - Hi Karekezi. Don't worry about the late reply. I didn't forget about your essay because I had the thread...

UndergraduateaHappyGuy - Dec 22, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
WHY US? - the unimaginable bewilderment after an scary accident

3 - I read both of your essays, and I really like how you describe things and how you tell the...

Undergraduatevinhnguyen0718 - Dec 27, 2016 / linhledieue - Dec 27, 2016
"With great power, comes great responsibility" - essay for college

6 - @shuprova Your introduction is too long that it takes a considerable amount of space you can add to detail...

Undergraduateshuprova - Dec 23, 2016 / vinhnguyen0718 - Dec 27, 2016
AIRPLANES AND I - Common Application Prompt 5

6 - Vinh, when you are not sure about what you wrote or if you feel that you cannot fix the...

Undergraduatevinhnguyen0718 - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
My country, Georgia, needs to escape beyond its borders

2 - Mariam, instead of telling the reviewer how you learned to speak English, which is really of no importance to...

Undergraduatenozika97 - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
To save money. Writing on the explanation of a gap year in commonapp's additional info section.

13 - @Holt Yes! thank you so much. I don't know what to say. But you really helped. Millions of thanks!...

UndergraduateNuverte0452 - Dec 27, 2016 / Nuverte0452 - Dec 27, 2016
My playground was a jumble of old circuit board, electric wires and many electronic components

4 - Vedanth, I reviewed your essay once again and tried to do a little editing of my own in order...

Undergraduatekatety909 - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
The vast array of research opportunities and many other things that makes Hamilton special for me

6 - Abdullah, the response that you wrote does not fit the prompt. What you have developed is more of a...

Undergraduateabdulahok - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
What makes you happy? My parents' happiness! - Tufts Supplement

3 - Harry, when you say that your parents make you happy, you are making a statement that does not carry...

Undergraduateharryson - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
How have your extra-curricular activities contributed to your personal development?

5 - Sun, the CV is the overview of all your credentials for consideration as a student. The essay is the...

Undergraduatesunjiayun - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
The Emotion Revolution - "Why Yale?" Supplement Essay.

5 - Muhammad, you have chosen to discuss some pretty specific and unique reasons for opting to seek admission to Yale...

UndergraduateMIT_iA - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
Doing School by Denise Pope--Students are caught up in a "grade trap"

3 - Mualla, I am starting to think that you don't need my help anymore. The essays you have been turning...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
Does my essay adhere to prompt #2 in the common app about failure?How can I meet the word limit?

5 - Mubdi, if you have a physical disability or special needs that has a medical name, then identify it in...

Undergraduatemubdis99 - Dec 21, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
Teaching, Research, Service -- Lehigh and me

8 - Mualla, if i may make a suggestion. You can actually cut the current word count if you will sacrifice...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 27, 2016
Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work'

2 - @nandasharma The grammar seems pretty good; you put in semi colons and em dashes, my lit teacher would be...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Dec 26, 2016 / LoneLee - Dec 26, 2016
I'd be able to take my knowledge into practice in the real industry; Georgia Tech application

9 - @Holt Ok I have done so. Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it. @LoneLee...

UndergraduateShraf39 - Dec 26, 2016 / Shraf39 - Dec 26, 2016
AI and robotics. Common App Transfer Essay- There isn't any research related to my areas of interest

4 - Hareesh, you don't need to over complicate the essay by telling that anecdote at the start. Just get to...

UndergraduateAnon0 - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
Never gonna give you up - Cal Tech supplement

2 - Hahaha! Andy, this is one heck of a way to spend your free time. Rickrolling is certainly going to...

UndergraduateLoneLee - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
Reciting a poem backwards. Lehigh. You've just reached your one million hit on your youtube video.

7 - Alex, when you discuss this talent of yours, it is important that the reader understand the kind of audience...

Undergraduatealexgzm - Dec 25, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
She knows what it feels like to be strong in STEM as a female. Barnard

5 - Mualla, at this point, you should make reference to how Katherine Johnson broke the glass ceiling by outperforming men...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
Common Application for both The Georgia Institution of Technology & the University of San Francisco

2 - Shawn, is the interest that you are sharing in this essay still related to your choice of college major?...

UndergraduateThe_iKick - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
M-U-A-L-L-A If my name were an acronym...

3 - Mualla, this is great acronym. However, you should not be using one letter to specific 2 traits as you...

Undergraduatemualla - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
College Essay about a story of me getting lost at Salzburg

4 - Hi, I think this modification is an improvement as it sort of ties the essay together better. Here are...

Undergraduatesweetsenior - Dec 26, 2016 / TJLuschen - Dec 26, 2016
UVA essay- 250 word limit- a small engineering project to help a friend or family member.

3 - Matt, this is a very interesting project to present as a potential final year project for your major. At...

Undergraduatembyram - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
Lafayette College Supplement: "Why Lafayette?" "Why do you do what you do?"

11 - Wow! You really managed a fantastic turn around in your response here. You really showed a great and keen...

Undergraduatenguyenlephuocloc - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 26, 2016
Lehigh Supplement Essay -- Igloo Architecture?

6 - @Holt Thank you, currently I am replacing my second and third paragraph. Unfortunately, "why Lehigh," is not a...

Undergraduategaribari - Dec 24, 2016 / garibari - Dec 26, 2016
Global UGRAD, "everyone can be great because everyone can serve"

3 - @Eng Phin Thank you. I appreciate your help. I will help you with your paper.@Eng Phin...

UndergraduatePaulie - Dec 26, 2016 / Paulie - Dec 26, 2016
I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250)

12 - Hi Nandasharma, Which one is higher? - the likelihood of an admission officer understands the word "hackathon"...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Dec 25, 2016 / mualla - Dec 26, 2016
'There is no point in going to college.' Why UChicago - Purpose of education

3 - Hi Angela, I have not read your essay because you are way over the word limit (instead of 250...

Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 26, 2016 / chizy7 - Dec 26, 2016
Education a distant dream. Common app essay for University admission

3 - @Holt thanks holt for giving such a wonderful decision....

UndergraduateShiva123 - Dec 25, 2016 / Shiva123 - Dec 26, 2016
Why Washington and Lee_"Is Lee the General?"

2 - The first paragraph doesn't do its job well, I think. If you learned about the school by talking with...

Undergraduatemartinmengqian - Dec 26, 2016 / ngokhoa99 - Dec 26, 2016
UChicago Uncommon Prompt: Find X; the dichotomy between my family's culture and the Western culture

NEW - Prompt: Find x. "Suggested" word limit: 500. The envelope, with a custom-made stamp and bold printed words, was...

Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 26, 2016 / — -

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