Writing Feedback / Get exercise - The growing number of overweight people and health care system. [3]

@csesaswati
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. Thank you for approaching us. I will be providing you with writing feedback tailor-fit to what you have provided.

Firstly, be cautious of the forms of verbs you are using. Remember to always keep a parallel approach wherein a singular noun warrants a singular verb not unless you are using irregular verbs. Keep this in mind.

When you are writing, try to also maintain a formal and academically appropriate structure. Remember that you should evade the usage on uncertain words to keep a firmer tone in your language.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Housework sharing between women and men [2]

@solivagant
Hello there. Your overall writing style has improved tremendously over the past weeks. Great job! You had a concrete logical structure to back-up your thoughts and opinions on the matters present. Furthermore, you had also quite a grasp of the language, making it easier for the readers to comprehend what you're trying to say.

I would only suggest having a smoother transition flow between your sentences through incorporating more of an organic approach. You can do this through simply writing down as though you are uttering or verbalizing. Do not force yourself to mark in through transition fillers.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Hobbies need to be difficult? [2]

@linhchin
Hello there.

Try to maximize the space in your essay by omitting unnecessary lines and words. If you can evade the usage of synonymous content, opt to do so as this will permit you to have substantive meaning in your writing. Keep yourself focused on the general and prioritized portions as opposed to not having a filter around.

Furthermore, work on the structure of your sentences. If a lengthy sentence can be separated into two lines, opt to do this as it will help you make concrete your thoughts and opinions.

Overall, the explanations you had were decent and put-together. Just work on the technical aspect of your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2：Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company [2]

@sodagreensmile
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback to assist you in this.

Firstly, is your organization really a block of text or is this a mistake when you had placed things into the forum? If it's the former, then try to implement a more organized and structured approach through having appropriate spacing between sentences and paragraphs. Clusters of thoughts that lead to similar conclusions can form single paragraphs to assist you.

Be cautious as well of your punctuation and preposition usage. These are fundamental and yet critical parts of your technical writing.

Furthermore, the example you had used can also be improved by using something less personal and more generic. Try to keep a balance when writing.

Best of luck.

Grammar, Usage / Questions regarding some corrections suggested by Microsoft Word [3]

@RAcademicf
Hi there.

For your first question, the corrections are often hit or miss in the Microsoft Word function. I would suggest getting a second opinion if your content is heavily technical as these suggestions can often come off as rather a nuisance than anything else. For instance, similar to would be academically better off than like. Omitting the word really can also be beneficial as it helps sort out filler words. Although, keep in mind that context matters in all of these. I would need to see the FL text before making a firmer judgment.

Our own judgment of our writing can be off the compass given that we're often unaware of our mistakes. If these technical mistakes can hinder your thesis writing, I also suggest getting/hiring a copy writer.

Best of luck in writing your thesis.

Writing Feedback / Providing the community service by school students [3]

@Cherry may
Hello.

Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find the feedback you are looking for here. I'll be providing you with writing feedback.

Try to not overburden your sentences. If you can simplify a sentence, please opt to do so as this not only saves space in your writing, but this will also help your message not be lost in its meaning. For instance, your second paragraph's first sentence can be rewritten as: "One of the reasons of my agreement with the topic is that students would broaden their opportunities." Notice how it's the same meaning but told in a shorter, more concise manner. Stick to this if you can.

Try to implement this technique throughout your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / The provided maps illustrate several changes of facilities on a tourist destination. [2]

@minhkhue
Hello.

It would be helpful to provide the aforementioned map to help us create a more meaningful feedback for your writing.

Apart from that, from what I can see from your writing, your general flow can be improved alongside your organization of thoughts. Notice how there are portions wherein you could have allocated more space to organize and substantiate. Evade the usage of fillers.

Alongside this, try to also create and use spaces where necessary. For instance, after explaining the differentiation between the two housing sites erected, separate the paragraphs to expound on the locations of the sites. Having these gaps makes the transitions smoother.

Best of luck.

Graduate / Job market - Personal Statement (apply for graduate school in the UK) [3]

@oneouran
Hello.

First and foremost, the general composition, structure, and writing flow are all well-done. You had a strong and firm grasp of the language, making the build-up of your meaning excellent in the long-run. What I would primarily suggest is attempting to not overcomplicate the sentences as it can often overwhelm the eyes of the readers, making the text (although great) quite hard to comprehend. Simplification of texts will help you curate a firmer structure that's easier to digest.

Furthermore, I suggest that you organize your thoughts in a more meaningful manner. For instance, try dividing your thoughts into short-term and long-term plans to create more dynamism.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors.

Undergraduate / My AU Youth Volunteer Application for Cohort 10 [2]

@dolo
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this content.

Be cautious of small mishaps in your punctuation and general grammatical structure. For instance, pan Africa should be written as such: pan-African. These small mistakes can hinder the overall presentation of your message in the long-run.

Furthermore, it would also be beneficial if you were more specific with your words. What do you mean by a community-based sociotherapy approach? Detailing and creating more of an actual, concrete plan would be helpful in showing to them that you are realistic - that you do not merely jump around.

Best of luck in your writing.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 2] Males and Females should have an Equal Education Opportunity [5]

@khoaminh
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. We hope that you find here the feedback you're looking for to improve your writing.

Firstly, incorporate writing techniques that will help you curate more substance by clearing out unnecessarily used space in your writing. Doing this will help you add more depth to your writing as you will be able to focus on the concrete flow of your text. For instance, in your first paragraph, mention that it should be: "Many people claim that our time relies on striking a gender balance in various subjects' students." This line has more of a flow than the one you initially had.

Furthermore, try to also focus on creating a direct and straightforward writing approach. Doing so will save you space. What this means is omitting unnecessary fillers in your text.

Your conclusion may also be extended by adding more of your personal thoughts. Evaluate what you have written and curate an opinion on its overall effectiveness.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Types of pollution [5]

@nimbus2k2
Hello there.

I maye be a tad bit late, but I'll provide you with substantial feedback on your writing. I hope this will help you.

I think the first two paragraphs are put-together and alright. Try to just omit the usage of filler words.

As for the succeeding paragraphs, I suggest having a more structured approach to writing. For instance, your third paragraph's first sentence can be separated into two in order to curate a more dynamic writing style. Doing so will help you incorporate more of an organized approach to relaying the information in your text.

Additionally, be cautious of your lack of usage of punctuation as this can hinder the overall flow of your writing.

Best of luck as always. Come back for more feedback.

Writing Feedback / Equal Distribution; there should be same chances for both genders to get post-graduate studies [5]

@tinapakshad1
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll try my best to provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, try to focus on building formal texts instead of relaying information blatantly. Doing so will help you create more dimension in your writing. For instance, don't say "the other group" as the tone of language can appear to be informal. Try to say that it's a contrasting ideation as this would have a more academic tone.

Furthermore, it is quite noticeable how you have lengthy sentences. Try to make concise your thoughts to create more substance in the long-run. This will also help you save space in your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Two different attitudes towards old people [4]

@solivagant
Hello. I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback that would hopefully help you.

I think that, in general, you create quite lengthy sentences. While this is alright, it can interrupt the overall flow of your writing. This can make it difficult for you to comprehend your writing because you get lost in relaying the intended meaning of the text.

Try to also be more specific when you're giving out examples. Instead of saying "in my country", simply mention your country when uttering in order to create more contextual clarity.

The concluding remarks can also be enhanced if you add more of a summation. Cap this off with your personal take on the matter.

Best of luck in your writing as always.

Writing Feedback / The chart below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US. [5]

@truong123456
Hi there.

I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I agree with what was previously mention that adding the graph would be helpful for fellow learners to give you appropriate feedback.

However, based on the writing you have provided here, you can improve your composition overall by adding appropriate punctuation and meaning to your written account. Try to focus on the structure, flow, and organization to help you in the long-run in creating valued texts.

Furthermore, try to use synonymous terms in order for you to not have such repetitive content. This will enhance the dynamism of your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Deforestation caused by human activity has serious results for the environment [3]

@ChristineNguyen
Hi there!

I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I agree on what was previously aforementioned here. I think that your writing is put-together and well-done all in all. Most of my commentaries would be centered on improving the overall dynamism of your writing.

Try to incorporate the usage of writing techniques that will help you curate more substance in your writing. This includes, for instance, trying to omit the usage of unnecessary and repetitive words. If you have to, use synonymous words to at least contribute in your writing's overall flow.

Remember to always bear in mind your writing's fundamental grammar appropriateness to curate a level-headed approach to writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Elite Training - [IELTS TASK2] - young people should be required to stay in full-time education? [5]

@luminous
Hi there.

Welcome to the forum. Let me try to help you as well - and I hope that my feedback will be of value to you.

Firstly, try to focus on creating a firmer academic tone in your writing by omitting the usage of techniques that do not benefit you. For instance, don't just mention that there are "more and more elite" - instead, use words such as increasing amount to add a better flow.

Furthermore, the example in your third paragraph can be improved. Remember that examples are better if they are are based on concrete information instead of blatant words. Try to focus more on the usage of these information than anything else.

Best of luck always in your writing endeavors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING STRIVING: COMPUTER GAMES AND HOW THEY AFFECT CHILDREN [4]

@huyhihung10A
Hi there.

Let me try to provide you with beneficial feedback on your writing.

You have quite a good grasp of the language already. I would suggest focusing more on portions of your text that would permit you to have more substance by moving around and rearranging a few portions to curate a heavier inflow of thoughts.

Furthermore, I would suggest laying far from the usage of lengthy sentences. The meaning often gets lost in translation here because of the lack of hold over the genuine structure of the text. Focus more on capitalizing on the text's value by having a straightforward approach. If you can separate a sentence into two, the better it would be.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Teachers' influence on children bigger than impact of parents? [4]

@nimbus2k2
Hi there. I'll provide you with feedback on this writing task.

Firstly, I suggest going back and focusing more on the fundamental grammatical rules as your composition's appropriateness kinda gets in the way. Try to focus more on the genuine validity of your writing in the long-run. For instance, your opening sentence can be improved by omitting the words "in terms of" and the comma; afterwards, shift around the structure of the sentence to allocate intelligence and social development to the front of the text.

Furthermore, try to also add more concrete examples in your text that will help you curate a more substantial input in your writing. How exactly do these things play out in real life? In what situations and contexts?

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Responsibility of the Clean and tidy streets [2]

@Jipsa Jadwani
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, try to not over-bloat your sentences by adding too many filler descriptions. If you can omit these unnecessary words, you'll save tremendous amount of space in your writing.

In addition, try to also incorporate more straightforward writing to create a clearer and definitive approach to your composition. Try to, for instance, in the second to last paragraph, evade linking together synonymous words as they do not add value to your writing. Try to add more dimension to your writing by focusing on substance than anything else.

Best of luck with writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: IDEAS ABOUT MESEUMS [2]

@huyhihung10A
Hello!

I'll provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, be cautious of the formatting of your words. Try to focus on enhancing the overall structure of your writing by using appropriate tenses, punctuation and preposition in your writing. Remember that these fundamentals are essential as building blocks of your writing to add more definition.

Try to also not exaggerate your descriptions. Remember that this would appear more as a filler than adding depth to your writing. Focus on incorporating more terms that have substance as opposed to merely writing out. For instance, your paragraph on museums for preservation can be improved by omitting the general descriptions in the first parts to pave way for discussions in the latter parts.

Keep these in mind when you write.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / The advantages of eating food produced in other regions outweigh the disadvantages [2]

@Krystal318
Hi there.

I hope you are doing well with your writing. Let me provide you with feedback on this composition.

Try to be cautious of the tenses of verbs. Focus on utilizing more advanced techniques when it comes to verbalizing your opinions. Try to expound your thoughts in a well-mannered way wherein you are able to incorporate a significant amount of depth in your writing.

Try to also use techniques that will allow you to curate thoughts with more substance. For instance, in your second paragraph, you could say: "It is indubitable..." - this formatting paves way to save space on your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / (exchange program application) Successful youth ambassadors and their characteristics [2]

@EstellePhillips
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I think that the entirety of your composition is well written. You had a bold introduction and were able to follow through with conventional writing standards. That being said, try to incorporate more of a straightforward and yet simplified approach to your writing to help you elevate the overall standard of your flow. Focus more on bettering the organization of thoughts by omitting lines that are unnecessary and focusing more on the depth of writing.

In your concluding remarks, try to emphasize more why these traits are important in the long-term through curating thoughts that have value. Expound why these traits are essential by showcasing how it would be like to function without them to make a comparative analysis.

Best of luck as always.

Graduate / Welcome any critics on my SOP for Master in Business Analytics graduate program! [3]

@cosmic1459
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I'll review your essay for you.

Firstly, the introduction can be improved. Try focusing more on adding more of a dramatic and put together summation in the beginning to briefly draw in the readers into your writing. Doing so will help you create more of a pull to your writing as opposed to blatantly putting out the information.

In addition, there were parts that were grammatically incorrect because of the flow of composition. This also includes missing out on fundamental grammar with the tenses of verb. Be extra cautious of this.

The ending of the text can be enhanced through not just extending gratitude but showcasing as well an attitude of fervor to the text.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Fan Bing Bing have to pay huge taxes and fines [2]

@giangkodo
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, be cautious of the logical coherence of your writing. Notice how some portions do not have quite a structured approach to relaying meaning, making it even more difficult to comprehend the text that you have. For instance, in the first paragraph, what do you mean by "the move ends the mystery"? Being more specific and straight to the point will help you establish clearer definition to help you curate more thoughts.

Furthermore, the approach to the structure of the composition can be improved as well. The last portions of the text may be omitted and instead be allocated to the first part of the text to create more substance.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: Opinion on extra classes; one of the most challenging issues in education [5]

@bubbles117
Hi there!

I think that, in hindsight, your writing is quite put-together. I would suggest incorporating more terms that will help you escalate your writing. Try to also focus more on simpler structured sentences as opposed to writing complex and yet insubstantial content. Prioritizing is therefore key to great writing.

Furthermore, it will also be helpful to add more real-life worldly examples as opposed to a general influx of writing. Try to create a backbone for the argumentd of your writing by adding more definitive content.

Aside from these, I find that your essay is already quite put-together. Try to just learn how to maximize the writing space more.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / More animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on endangered list. Causes? Solutions? [4]

@totrangto
Hello.

I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I find that you have used quite laborious language. I would recommend toningnit down a little bit to add more of a structured and dynamic approach wherein you do not necessarily only have chunks of lengthy texts.

Remember also that depth is more important. Therefore, adding more concrete examples will help you curate substantive content.

You should also be cautious of the structure and grammatical appropriateness of your writing. Always refer back to your English reference materials. Observe the last half of the essay.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Technology Brings Changes toward People's Interaction [4]

@rivathh
Hi there!

Welcome to the forum. Let me provide you with feedback on your writing.

While I appreciate that you tried to incorporate complexity of structure in your writing, try to focus more on adding dynamism in your writing by playing around with the form and length.

Furthermore, try to also add concrete examples.

Being descriptive does not mean that you should have unnecessary commentaries in your writing. What this pertains to more is the general flow of your writing. Try to have a more organic approach to writing than a forced academic tone. The former definitely has more impact than the latter.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / ielts writing: explain some of the way in which humans are damaging the environment and solutions [6]

@hinguyn
Hi there!

Welcome to the forum. Let me provide you with feedback.

Firstly, accentuate your writing through creating more simplified and yet structured sentences. Concrete essays are built on these types of content, making it better for you to work with words that have more substance to them.

Try to also add more real life or worldly examples to make concrete the words of your sentences. Doing this will help you build more depth as you can tackle more terms in an effective manner.

Work on the general flow of the writing. Alongside this, ensure that your writing is abiding by fundamental grammatical rules.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / People disagree with a school policy which forces children to learn new language. IELTS2 [5]

@wyzbui
Hi there!

Here's some feedback on your writing.

Firstly, you have unnecessarily long sentences that take up irrelevant space that could be allocated to add more depth. instead of using so many fillers, focus on incoporating more examples to your writing. Don't just mention vague concepts and stories. Try to actualize the concepts by using more descriptive words to allocate meaning to your writing. Bear this in mind.

Furthermore, your general grammar can be improved if you focus more on adding terms that have structure. Focus on incorporating organized thoughts as opposed to merely filling in space for your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF CHARGING PEOPLE FOR ADMISSION TO MUSEUMS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? [3]

@Karry Wang
Hi there.

Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

The first sentence right off the bat needs revision because it's ungrammatical. Focus on fixing these small slip-ups that can drastically affect the structure of your writing. Focus on the composition and how you move between the flow of your words.

While you cited one example, trying to incorporate more concrete and real life information to back up your statements would definitely help you in the long run. Focus on enhancing the depth of writing through having a more concrete approach to writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / WRITTING TEST PART 2 - TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS [3]

@hoanghuuhuan248
Hi there!

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback you're looking for here. I'll try my best to help you.

Firstly, for the first paragraph of the body, you need to work on the structure and flow. Try to take it step by step with simplified structures over attempting to overcomplicate the dynamics of the content. Doing this will help you curate more structure and flow in your writing.

The third paragraphs first sentence is quite off-putting. Revise it and use a simpler overall tone.

Try to also evade using vague adjectives when describing.

What do you mean by AI making life happier and easier? Use synonymous terms that are packed with more meaning.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: Hosting Olympic Games - is it good for the country? [3]

@bubbles117
Hello.

Change around the beginning/ introductory portion of your writing. I've noticed how you still need to work on having a more academic or formal tone to help you explain things in more vivid detail.

Furthermore, notice how you can improve the overall structure of your sentences through cutting down the words and creating smaller chunks of texts. Focus on having a structured written approach in opposition to a more loose formatting. Organization is key at the end in order to help you relay meaning effectively.

It is appreciated how you were able to make concrete your thoughts with examples. Keep doing that and ensure alongside that the structure is put-together and you'll do great.

Best of luck as always.

Letters / AU YOUTH VOLUNTEER MOTIVATION LETTER 2019 - Information and Communications Technology research [2]

@oneezylefifi
Hi there!

The general flow, depth of content, and intricacy of your thoughts are all well done. I suggest focusing more on the technical side of writing. This includes the grammar, use of preposition and punctuation, and the overall structure of the paragraphs. Incorporating these thoughts would enable you to relay a message to the readers in the most efficient manner, making your writing effective in the long run. Having said that, notice how you have quite inorganic transitions between your sentences. Try to change that through adding more substance and packing more complexity into your manner of writing.

Remember that writing requires that you have an appropriate formality tone incorporated to your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Is it good to increase the life expectancy? [2]

@Katherine_Tu1101
Hi there!

I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, the structure of the sentences can be improved through omitting unnecessary extension words that do not add value to your writing. If you can simplify the length of your content, the better it would be overall for your writing. If you can separate long thoughts into smaller chunks, the better it would be also for you as you can explain more without the meaning getting lost in translation. Observe your first paragraph.

In the body paragraphs, try to explain with more of a concrete approach. Explain with detail how these things are applicable rather than idealizing the concepts.

Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / Governments must invest this money in public services instead of arts. Do you agree or disagree? [2]

@trungkien2492000
Hello there!

Use more appropriate transition words because the structure kind of gets lost in the process.

Furthermore, try to also be more specific. If you are tackling about public services, what specifically are you talking about? This also means that you should be able to show how these play out in real life. If you can give out a concrete example, the better it would be for your writing.

Aside from that, I think that your writing is already put-together as you were able to integrate the right balance of complexity and simplicity. Just adding depth will help you curate more substantive content.

Best fo luck as always.

Graduate / APPLYING TO MSW ACADEMIC PROGRAM: STATEMENT OF PURPOSE [SOP] [3]

@NTN244
Hello there!

Your composition's structure and grammar are both alright. Try to focus more on the length of your paragraphs. These lengths are exhausting for readers. What you can do is organize your thoughts more in a way that will let you create more subtantive content through having more of a concise approach to writing.

Furthermore, try to also evade being too vague with your words. Try to be more specific. Stop "beating around the bush" with the definition that you are relaying. If you do this, you'll be able to showcase that you know what you are saying and not just merely mentioning random content for the sake of free writing.

Best of luck.

Undergraduate / My adulthood - story for commonapp essay [3]

@Chimfwembe2000
Hi there!

The first and foremost observable issue is that you have an inefficient structure in relaying your thoughts. Focus more on creating more concise sentences. Notice how you had a huge chunk of text in the middle of your writing. Evade doing that, especially because you are working with a story-telling content that should focus more on the narrative. These types of structures exhaust readers rather than contributes to their persuasion to engage in your writing. Furthermore, try to also focus on changing the overall tone of your writing to a more persuasive one to give way for more interaction with your readers.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS1: indicators of economic and social condition of Canada, Japan, Peru and Zaire [2]

@mphuonggg
Hi there.

You are wasting space in your essay when you have to repeatedly mention the countries and data you are specifically trying to analyze. Have a more structured and organized approach to your writing that will enable you to write with more precision in your meaning. If you do this, you'll also save up space in your writing that will help you curate more substantive content because you'll have more direction in the content's entirety. Focus on having these spaces filled out with meaning and definition. Furthermore, try to add more depth in your analysis through not just describing the data but also incorporating your own interpretation of what it means in real life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Opinion on economic growth and its influence on the environment [5]

@nimbus2k2
Hi there.

I think that your composition's structure and meaning are both well thought out. I would only suggest that you try to focus more on strategically writing to create more substantive content that will has concise sentences that are packed with meaning. Use techniques that will help you shorten the length of your sentences, helping you relay more meaning with precision.

If you are writing, it also pays to be more specific with your words. Try to ditch the filler words or phrases that introduce grander concepts - instead, go straight to the point when you are writing. Remember that these filler words do not do anything but take up unnecessary space in your writing.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2]THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON THE SOCIETY WHEN THE PROPORTION OF OLDER PEOPLE IS INCREASING [3]

@Kimngannguyen267
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

Try to evade using repetitive words. Try to also enhance your writing through using more specific words and adjectives when you are describing. What specifically do you mean by migrants creating an insecure environment?

For you to be able to expound these thoughts, save some space in your writing through prioritizing your content. Ditch portions that are filers - or those that do not add anything substantial in your writing's overall meaning.

Furthermore, try to also focus on curating content that's more targeted in its meaning. If you have a specific direction you want to take your writing or paragraph into, do not stray far from that.

Best of luck as always.