Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past [2]

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

One of the most unprecedented things is the rise in the number of people who choose to live alone. This trend for many citizens is an ordinary circumstance in this century, particularly in large cities. In my point of view, this issue could bring real drawbacks for them such as feelings of loneliness and reducing life expectancy.

The citizens living alone is likely to have frequent feelings of the loneliness. This is because they will gain a difficulty to connect and interact with others and feel losing emotional support of friends and family. For instance, adults who live in a place with the others would have daily conversation frequently with the surroundings. By contrast, when people stay alone in an apartment block, they could not share their problem and are often attacked by feelings of the loneliness. This can cause they to become more frustrated.

Another negative effect is that people who decide to live alone potentially lead to premature death. They have a tremendous risk to gain heart attack, stroke and cardiovascular diseases. A recent study by University of Malaysia in September 2014 showed that people who live alone are more likely to have the early death caused by stroke, heart attack or other complications rather than those who live with their family or in a communal institution. An immediate solution should be considered so that this problem does not become more complicated in society.

In conclusion, increasing in the number of the citizens living alone has showed negative sides. The most worrying drawbacks are feelings of the loneliness and health consequences. It is imperative that the citizens find friends to share the problems which they face.

Writing Feedback / A policy which places the international language in the educational curriculum of elementary schools [2]

Some experts believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Language skills are essential to be taught early. Some experts of educational departments argue that the best way to teach students about an international language is when they are in a grade of a primary school rather than a secondary school. I strongly believe that although students in the primary school will be occupied as the foreign language is included in an education curriculum, this step will bring many benefits for them.

A policy, placing the international language in the education curriculum in elementary schools, is considered to improve language ability of the students, but they will have a crowded schedule in the school. The primary school has many compulsory studies which should be learned by the children so that adding the foreign language will gain their playing time. A recent research in University of Bristol in 2014 found that 11% of the number of the students in several primary schools in London got daily stress as they were forced to learn four studies for 6-7 hours every day. However, I have a tendency that this can be tackled successfully on condition that an education system manages the schedule of all studies well.

In my point of view, teaching the international language in the elementary school is the best innovation to enhance the students' ability. The students will easily learn the foreign language like vocabulary and pronunciation by far better than elder people. An article in New Scientist's magazine in March 2013 showed that the children who aged 5-9 years old have the ability to understand the language easily. Although the children will face the full schedule, the school should apply learning the foreign language in the primary school because it is the necessary study to boost students' competence.

In conclusion, the foreign language should be introduced in the primary school since the benefits are outweighing the drawbacks. All negative effects faced by the school could be solved when parents support this decision. In any case, it is imperative that the elementary schools apply this step consistently.

Writing Feedback / Each country has distinct music types. Music is one of the most popular arts in the world. [3]

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Each country has distinct music types. Music is one of the most popular arts in the world and brings positive effects on humans like reducing hormones of stress. I would argue that the local music among all types of the music is the most essential for people since it is valuable inheritance

The music is really useful since it can relax people especially the classical music. This has a beneficial effect on physiological functions, lowering blood pressure, and decreasing the levels of the stress hormones. A recent study by University of Adelaide in December 2015 found that listening to the music on headphones reduces the stress and anxiety of patients in hospitals of Australia. Because it can help the patients, several countries in Europe have developed healthy technology by harnessing the music.

I strongly believe that the local music is more necessary than the international music. It is a precious heritage. People can learn and understand well about history and traditions of their country when they listen to the local music. An article in a Cosmopolitan's magazine in October 2014 displayed that the traditional music in Timor-Leste expresses spiritual cultural activities of citizens, and parents encourage their children to hear it. Government should require students of primary schools to learn about the traditional music since this policy can stimulate them to love their culture.

In conclusion, the music can help people more relaxed when they get the stress. The local music is believed that it is the most essential. It is imperative that the governments should campaign for preserving the traditional music.

Writing Feedback / Would the international student exchange be beneficial for all teenage school students? [2]

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

exchange program brings more positive aspects than the negative effects

A student exchange program is a way to enhance education of them. Some people argue that the International students will gain benefits and drawbacks when they learn abroad. I strongly believe that pupils will have many experiences after they study another country although they will deal with a difficult matter.

The overseas students will face an enormous problem. The pupils get shock culture when they are another country since each country has diverse culture. For example, in the country, someone who smiles to unknown people is a normal attitude, but it can become impolite in the other countries. A large number of students feel uncomfortable with that condition. However, it can be prevented on condition that they learn well about the culture of the destination country.

People who decide to continue their education abroad will gain many valuable experiences. They have a new perspective on culture, language skills, and the education. Those are essential experiences which can improve their performance when they work at a company. An article in a Time's magazine published in October 2015 that the international student has a huge opportunity to become a leader in the company since they have skills to lead people. Although the pupils have difficulty to adapt to another culture, they will learn vast knowledge which can be not given by their home countries.

In conclusion, the exchange program brings more positive aspects than the negative effect on the pupils. The overseas students need times to adapt another culture, but they have an excellent chance to develop their life skills. It is necessary that each country can apply this way to improve education in their countries.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: A breakdown of how much wheat exported by three regions from 1985 to 1990 [2]

A breakdown of how much wheat exported by three regions from 1985 to 1990, a 6-year period is presented in the line chart. Overall, it is important to note that the proportion of the wheat exports for the figure in European community rose significantly, while Canada remained virtually unchanged. In any case, by far the lowest trend was seen in Australia.

Initially, the number of the wheat exports in Canada broke a record as the highest proportion at approximately 19 million tonnes. In the following year, Australia's exports significantly increased to 16%, while another figure saw a gradual decrease prior to increasing in 1987. Surprisingly, European community successfully over took Australia's figure in the export activity.

By 1988, the wheat exports of Canadians had continuously grown and peaked at 25 million tonnes. Meanwhile, European community had remained stable, with almost at a half of Canada's figure. In 1989, while the proportion of Canada exports experienced a dramatic drop by roughly 11 million tonnes, another region surpassed it. However, the previous trend rose back to the 1985 figure in the next year.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Nowadays, the crime level experiences a rise [2]

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Nowadays, the crime level experiences a rise. There are a large number of factors which cause an increase of the crime rate such as lack of proper education. Actually, criminal activities can be surmounted with few solutions so that it does not grow such as governments which should improve education about dangers of criminal acts.

The growth of the criminal activities is caused by several reasons. First, due to a shortage of education about ethical norms in the society, a wide range of criminals commit wickedness commenced from ignorance in their community. For example, the young people damage public facilities because they do not know that it is criminality. Afterwards, poverty often leads the citizens to act an offence. The citizens who get difficulties in earning money will look for possibilities and doing the crime instead. To illustrate, an employee who needs money for education cost of his children is forced to steal at his office.

Fortunately, the level of crime can be decreased by few steps from both government and citizens. The governments can improve knowledge about building character in schools so that the students have a right character since child. For instance, the school possess a subject which includes norms in the society. In addition, parents should also observe to the growth of their children so that they can be guided to own good behaviour like counsel of the parents every night before they sleep.

All in all, the increasing of the crime level occurs because of few causes. In fact, it can be prevented by several solutions like ameliorating the education of the citizens. To overcome rapidly, the governments and the citizens should cooperate to handle these problems.